Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s02e23 Episode Script
Doogie's Wager
Yes, yes.
I see riches.
I see wealth.
Go, madam dorina, go.
I'm getting incredible energy.
I've never felt a future that looked so brilliant.
What about college? What about it? Am I going to get in? Your $15 is almost eaten up, but since you remind me of my first husband, I'll throw in a bonus prediction.
It's coming.
It's coming.
Yes.
There it is.
I definitely see education beyond high school in your future.
Oh, thank god.
That could mean anything.
Aerobics classes, traffic school.
Maybe madam should be more specific.
Right.
What school? The name? Uhh! Let's see.
I'm not getting the whole name.
It's hazy, but I'm getting one of the letters, one of the big letters.
A "v.
" "V.
" It's more rounded than that.
It's A "u.
" That's it! Usc.
I'm in! begin with "u.
" University of Fill in the blank.
Excuse me.
But I have a 4:00 in my adjoining salon.
It's here! My acceptance to usc film school.
You owe madam dorina an apology.
It's kind of thin, Vinnie.
Most acceptance letters are pretty thick.
There's a lot of information and forms to fill out.
It's not that thin.
You could put some small forms in here.
Besides, it's from usc.
They're known for their thin stationery.
Here.
You do the honors.
Whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.
Madam dorina sold me this enchanted rabbit's foot for 11 bucks.
It was her last one.
You were lucky.
That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen, and I'm a doctor.
This is good.
The acceptances are starting to roll in.
First Usc.
I'm still waiting to hear on ucla, then California university of the arts.
To tell you the truth, though, I'm not sure i want to go to usc.
It's very smoggy there.
I got delicate sinuses.
No, that's it.
Usc's out.
Well, that's good, 'cause they don't want you to go there either.
What? It's going to be a long week.
My Mercury's direct, and my Venus is in capricorn? At least it's not retrograde.
Raymond took his high school equivalency exam.
We're checking his horoscope to see if he passed.
Do you believe in that stuff? Of course not.
It's just something to do.
All right! I passed! What does it say? "It's up to you to strike the right balance.
Take action, but remain flexible.
" Wow.
That's That's vague.
Vague? Are you kidding? You don't know how to interpret this.
Enlighten me.
When I realized i wanted to graduate from high school, I felt unbalanced.
Now I have to strike the right balance, which I did, by passing my high school equivalency, which will give me greater flexibility.
For example, I'm enrolling in the emergency medical technician program here at the hospital.
See? Balance Flexibility.
It's all there.
Mm-hmm.
Well, the placenta's in a good position, and there you can see the head and the spine and the heart.
The baby's waving at us.
Ha ha ha.
Hi, baby.
Well, you want to know what the sex is? Do you want to know? It doesn't matter to me what it is just as long as it's healthy.
It's a boy.
Yes! Oh, yes! Hey, little buddy.
It's nice when couples wait till they're more mature to have children.
After 12 years of trying, I cannot believe it's happening.
I'm glad you guys didn't give up.
You wouldn't let us.
After following your case for two years, I want this baby as much as you.
Aren't you getting emotionally involved with your patients? Absolutely not.
I'm maintaining the recommended professional distance.
If you'll sign here, you'll agree to pay for the sonogram and to name your son doogie.
It's just a standard form.
Let's see if there's anything from ucla or uni arts.
No! I'll have a large pie, heavy on the garlic.
Let's wait for Janine.
If I get rejected again, I'll have a female to cry on.
On Wisconsin, on Wisconsin plunge right through that line run the ball clear 'round Chicago touchdown sure this time Ah, pipe down.
University of Wisconsin.
What are they going to major in, cheese? I'm down to two schools.
I've only got a 50-50 chance of getting in.
Your chances aren't based on the laws of probability.
They're based on talents and achievements.
That is so unfair.
See? Here it is Life beyond your room.
People, pizza Doogie.
Wanda? It was Janine's idea, doog, honest.
I can't believe this.
Wanda and I haven't seen each other since we broke up.
And look at her, doog! She misses you! Look at that face! She does look kind of sad.
He looks sad.
Of course he's sad.
He misses you.
I guess i could go over and say hello.
I'm not saying hello.
This isn't happening.
I'm not ready.
Wanda What a pleasant surprise.
Hi, doogie.
Is this beyond adorable, or what? So how have you been? What's up? Nothing.
I got into the art institute of Chicago.
No big deal.
Oh, sure.
Gloat.
That's great.
Your your family must be very proud.
Thank you.
Janine, it looks like everybody got in somewhere except you and me.
Actually, I got something from L.
A.
state college this morning.
The thick envelope! The thick envelope! I'm so relieved.
I can defer adulthood for another four years.
So the cheese stands alone.
Vin, let's do it.
You ready? You look.
Here's your gas bill, a letter from grandma delpino, a Victoria's secret catalog.
That's mine.
It's their spring clearance.
Uh, water bill, uh, publisher's clearinghouse sweepstakes, you just won $10 million.
Uh, ucla.
It's thin! It's thin! Why don't I just slit my throat with a pizza wheel? Take it easy.
You haven't heard from uni arts.
They'll accept you.
Didn't you say they judge on potential instead of academic record? That's you, Vinnie.
You're all potential and nothing else.
Bless me, father, for I have sinned.
It's been about five years since my last confession, if we're rounding off.
I've committed most of your major sins in thought, word, and deed.
Although, between you, me and him, father, it's been mostly thought and word.
I'm still lookin' forward to the big deed.
But I digress.
I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't sort of an emergency.
I'm trying to get into film school, and I've only got one shot left.
I posses a precocious if somewhat raw talent, but these colleges get so picky about grades and stuff.
So I could use a little help from, you know, the big Dean of admissions.
I was wondering if you could put in a good word for me.
Now, please specify registrar, uni arts.
It's right off the five, you can't miss it.
I'd like to help you, my son, but I'm afraid the faith doesn't work in that way.
You see, you can't just sail in out of the blue, confess, and expect to receive a favor in return.
Why not? Because this is a confessional, not a ready teller.
We must all prove our worthiness in the eyes of god.
I get ya.
O.
K.
, here you go, father.
Buy yourself a nice stained glass window.
No, please, my son.
No, no, no.
You seem to be a soul in a desperate situation.
Amen to that.
Yeah, well, your answer lies in living a more prudent and cautious life.
Of course, we can always affect the future, but we cannot go back and undo the past.
In other words, I'm in deep minestrone.
Well, i wouldn't underestimate the power of prayer.
Go with god.
Hello? Is there a doorknob in here or something? Take it easy.
I'm Brian Hollister.
Where's my wife? We didn't have time to move her.
What the hell happened? She's only six months! The neonatologist is on her way.
Come on, push.
You're doing really great.
O.
K Aah! Take a deep breath.
Aah! It's little, but perfect.
What do you got? About 1,000 grams apgar, about 3-4.
Oh Oh The boy's got all Get him to the neonatal icu.
Is he o.
K.
? He's o.
K.
Hi, doogie.
Any word about the baby? I should have told her to stay in bed for the last few months of the pregnancy.
Was it indicated? Douglas, it was an unforeseen complication.
It happens.
Dad, this baby's having severe respiratory problems.
We're worried about infection.
He's got a 50-50 chance of making it the next 24 hours.
Oh, honey, stop torturing yourself.
It's a miracle this baby was conceived at all.
The hollisters won't get another chance.
With all our medical advances, the most we can say to these people is, "we'll have to wait and see.
" have had a 30-70 chance, Son, the glass isn't half empty.
It's half full.
This is it! Uni arts.
I got in, i know it.
It's all right.
You open it.
O.
K.
, vin, you ready? I'm ready, I'm ready.
What? No, no, no! I got in.
It's thick! I'm sorry, bud, but you're a freshman.
I got in! Congratulations.
"We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance.
" Good night, boys.
Well The big guy definitely came through for me.
What? This absolutely proves the existence of god.
We're all happy for you, but I don't think it means that much.
How else do you explain it? Yesterday i went to church, today i get into uni arts.
Cause and effect.
Cause and effect.
You can't prove that.
You can't not prove it.
Besides, I don't have to prove anything, 'cause it worked.
Even if it didn't, what else could I do besides worry and get an ulcer? What was there to lose? But it worked.
Thank you, sir.
Hi.
This is Dr.
howser.
Is there any change on the Hollister baby? When did he start looking cyanotic? Right, and you administered surfactant to the et tube? Well, if he's on the respirator and we keep suctioning him Right.
Yeah, well, that's all we can do.
Thanks.
Hey! Just because you can't sleep, I should get a headache? You're not Here, are you? Here, not here, everything is relative.
So, what's on your mind? Actually, I'm looking for some answers.
Listen, the answers you're looking for, they're not going to be in any book.
I know.
That's pretty perceptive.
What, you think they'd give me a poster if I was a dummy? So talk.
We're taught to cure them.
That's my job.
But what am I supposed to do when I can't When it's 2 A.
M.
and there's nothing I can do Just wait? Ah, so you want to talk about faith.
Faith? I guess so.
You're a man of science.
I've dabbled.
As scientists, we're taught to think rationally, logically, cause and effect.
If "a," then "b.
" There's no room for anything else.
And yet it's the mysterious which stands at the cradle of true science.
I wrote that when I was 45.
I know.
I read it when I was 9.
Well Mr.
smarty-pants.
Things were a lot simpler when I was a kid.
I don't exactly remember what I believed, but I believed in something.
I used to lie in my bed when I had leukemia, and I remember feeling like I wasn't alone.
Do you believe in god? I knew we'd get around to that sooner or later.
You ever hear of something called Pascal's wager? Yeah.
Pascal was a French mathematician.
That's right.
Pretty smart, too.
Of course, you'll notice he didn't get a poster.
Pascal is very logical, so he reasons that we can never really know if there is a god.
Makes sense, right? Right.
But and this is important He figures it's a good bet to believe there is one.
Why? Because if it turns out that there is, indeed, a supreme being, a god, well, then we get all the benefits, right? Life everlasting, personal guidance, enlightenment, absolution, mercy.
Maybe even that little sports car you've had your eye on, hmm? Whatever it is you want, you get.
What if it turns out there isn't a god? Nichtis nicht.
Big deal.
You didn't lose anything.
That's exactly what Vinnie said.
You mean that little weisenheimer who bounces balls off my head? Tell him not to.
O.
K.
Vinnie and Einstein How's the Hollister baby? Oh, he's less lethargic.
His color and hydration have improved.
Get some sleep.
Let me guess.
You passed your high school equivalency.
With flying colors.
You're now looking at a full-fledged high school graduate.
That's great.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
I guess it was your lucky day, huh? Excuse me? Your horoscope.
It was in your stars.
Hey, man, i worked my butt off for this diploma.
The stars had nothing to do with it.
Uh, I wouldn't do that.
Why not? Just trust me.
Vinnie, just on an off chance, have you ever heard of a guy named Pascal? Yeah, I think so.
Really? Ain't he the guy who'll paint any car any color for 69.
95? Yeah, that's him Earl Pascal.
Yeah.
Glad to be of service, doog.
I see riches.
I see wealth.
Go, madam dorina, go.
I'm getting incredible energy.
I've never felt a future that looked so brilliant.
What about college? What about it? Am I going to get in? Your $15 is almost eaten up, but since you remind me of my first husband, I'll throw in a bonus prediction.
It's coming.
It's coming.
Yes.
There it is.
I definitely see education beyond high school in your future.
Oh, thank god.
That could mean anything.
Aerobics classes, traffic school.
Maybe madam should be more specific.
Right.
What school? The name? Uhh! Let's see.
I'm not getting the whole name.
It's hazy, but I'm getting one of the letters, one of the big letters.
A "v.
" "V.
" It's more rounded than that.
It's A "u.
" That's it! Usc.
I'm in! begin with "u.
" University of Fill in the blank.
Excuse me.
But I have a 4:00 in my adjoining salon.
It's here! My acceptance to usc film school.
You owe madam dorina an apology.
It's kind of thin, Vinnie.
Most acceptance letters are pretty thick.
There's a lot of information and forms to fill out.
It's not that thin.
You could put some small forms in here.
Besides, it's from usc.
They're known for their thin stationery.
Here.
You do the honors.
Whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.
Madam dorina sold me this enchanted rabbit's foot for 11 bucks.
It was her last one.
You were lucky.
That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen, and I'm a doctor.
This is good.
The acceptances are starting to roll in.
First Usc.
I'm still waiting to hear on ucla, then California university of the arts.
To tell you the truth, though, I'm not sure i want to go to usc.
It's very smoggy there.
I got delicate sinuses.
No, that's it.
Usc's out.
Well, that's good, 'cause they don't want you to go there either.
What? It's going to be a long week.
My Mercury's direct, and my Venus is in capricorn? At least it's not retrograde.
Raymond took his high school equivalency exam.
We're checking his horoscope to see if he passed.
Do you believe in that stuff? Of course not.
It's just something to do.
All right! I passed! What does it say? "It's up to you to strike the right balance.
Take action, but remain flexible.
" Wow.
That's That's vague.
Vague? Are you kidding? You don't know how to interpret this.
Enlighten me.
When I realized i wanted to graduate from high school, I felt unbalanced.
Now I have to strike the right balance, which I did, by passing my high school equivalency, which will give me greater flexibility.
For example, I'm enrolling in the emergency medical technician program here at the hospital.
See? Balance Flexibility.
It's all there.
Mm-hmm.
Well, the placenta's in a good position, and there you can see the head and the spine and the heart.
The baby's waving at us.
Ha ha ha.
Hi, baby.
Well, you want to know what the sex is? Do you want to know? It doesn't matter to me what it is just as long as it's healthy.
It's a boy.
Yes! Oh, yes! Hey, little buddy.
It's nice when couples wait till they're more mature to have children.
After 12 years of trying, I cannot believe it's happening.
I'm glad you guys didn't give up.
You wouldn't let us.
After following your case for two years, I want this baby as much as you.
Aren't you getting emotionally involved with your patients? Absolutely not.
I'm maintaining the recommended professional distance.
If you'll sign here, you'll agree to pay for the sonogram and to name your son doogie.
It's just a standard form.
Let's see if there's anything from ucla or uni arts.
No! I'll have a large pie, heavy on the garlic.
Let's wait for Janine.
If I get rejected again, I'll have a female to cry on.
On Wisconsin, on Wisconsin plunge right through that line run the ball clear 'round Chicago touchdown sure this time Ah, pipe down.
University of Wisconsin.
What are they going to major in, cheese? I'm down to two schools.
I've only got a 50-50 chance of getting in.
Your chances aren't based on the laws of probability.
They're based on talents and achievements.
That is so unfair.
See? Here it is Life beyond your room.
People, pizza Doogie.
Wanda? It was Janine's idea, doog, honest.
I can't believe this.
Wanda and I haven't seen each other since we broke up.
And look at her, doog! She misses you! Look at that face! She does look kind of sad.
He looks sad.
Of course he's sad.
He misses you.
I guess i could go over and say hello.
I'm not saying hello.
This isn't happening.
I'm not ready.
Wanda What a pleasant surprise.
Hi, doogie.
Is this beyond adorable, or what? So how have you been? What's up? Nothing.
I got into the art institute of Chicago.
No big deal.
Oh, sure.
Gloat.
That's great.
Your your family must be very proud.
Thank you.
Janine, it looks like everybody got in somewhere except you and me.
Actually, I got something from L.
A.
state college this morning.
The thick envelope! The thick envelope! I'm so relieved.
I can defer adulthood for another four years.
So the cheese stands alone.
Vin, let's do it.
You ready? You look.
Here's your gas bill, a letter from grandma delpino, a Victoria's secret catalog.
That's mine.
It's their spring clearance.
Uh, water bill, uh, publisher's clearinghouse sweepstakes, you just won $10 million.
Uh, ucla.
It's thin! It's thin! Why don't I just slit my throat with a pizza wheel? Take it easy.
You haven't heard from uni arts.
They'll accept you.
Didn't you say they judge on potential instead of academic record? That's you, Vinnie.
You're all potential and nothing else.
Bless me, father, for I have sinned.
It's been about five years since my last confession, if we're rounding off.
I've committed most of your major sins in thought, word, and deed.
Although, between you, me and him, father, it's been mostly thought and word.
I'm still lookin' forward to the big deed.
But I digress.
I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't sort of an emergency.
I'm trying to get into film school, and I've only got one shot left.
I posses a precocious if somewhat raw talent, but these colleges get so picky about grades and stuff.
So I could use a little help from, you know, the big Dean of admissions.
I was wondering if you could put in a good word for me.
Now, please specify registrar, uni arts.
It's right off the five, you can't miss it.
I'd like to help you, my son, but I'm afraid the faith doesn't work in that way.
You see, you can't just sail in out of the blue, confess, and expect to receive a favor in return.
Why not? Because this is a confessional, not a ready teller.
We must all prove our worthiness in the eyes of god.
I get ya.
O.
K.
, here you go, father.
Buy yourself a nice stained glass window.
No, please, my son.
No, no, no.
You seem to be a soul in a desperate situation.
Amen to that.
Yeah, well, your answer lies in living a more prudent and cautious life.
Of course, we can always affect the future, but we cannot go back and undo the past.
In other words, I'm in deep minestrone.
Well, i wouldn't underestimate the power of prayer.
Go with god.
Hello? Is there a doorknob in here or something? Take it easy.
I'm Brian Hollister.
Where's my wife? We didn't have time to move her.
What the hell happened? She's only six months! The neonatologist is on her way.
Come on, push.
You're doing really great.
O.
K Aah! Take a deep breath.
Aah! It's little, but perfect.
What do you got? About 1,000 grams apgar, about 3-4.
Oh Oh The boy's got all Get him to the neonatal icu.
Is he o.
K.
? He's o.
K.
Hi, doogie.
Any word about the baby? I should have told her to stay in bed for the last few months of the pregnancy.
Was it indicated? Douglas, it was an unforeseen complication.
It happens.
Dad, this baby's having severe respiratory problems.
We're worried about infection.
He's got a 50-50 chance of making it the next 24 hours.
Oh, honey, stop torturing yourself.
It's a miracle this baby was conceived at all.
The hollisters won't get another chance.
With all our medical advances, the most we can say to these people is, "we'll have to wait and see.
" have had a 30-70 chance, Son, the glass isn't half empty.
It's half full.
This is it! Uni arts.
I got in, i know it.
It's all right.
You open it.
O.
K.
, vin, you ready? I'm ready, I'm ready.
What? No, no, no! I got in.
It's thick! I'm sorry, bud, but you're a freshman.
I got in! Congratulations.
"We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance.
" Good night, boys.
Well The big guy definitely came through for me.
What? This absolutely proves the existence of god.
We're all happy for you, but I don't think it means that much.
How else do you explain it? Yesterday i went to church, today i get into uni arts.
Cause and effect.
Cause and effect.
You can't prove that.
You can't not prove it.
Besides, I don't have to prove anything, 'cause it worked.
Even if it didn't, what else could I do besides worry and get an ulcer? What was there to lose? But it worked.
Thank you, sir.
Hi.
This is Dr.
howser.
Is there any change on the Hollister baby? When did he start looking cyanotic? Right, and you administered surfactant to the et tube? Well, if he's on the respirator and we keep suctioning him Right.
Yeah, well, that's all we can do.
Thanks.
Hey! Just because you can't sleep, I should get a headache? You're not Here, are you? Here, not here, everything is relative.
So, what's on your mind? Actually, I'm looking for some answers.
Listen, the answers you're looking for, they're not going to be in any book.
I know.
That's pretty perceptive.
What, you think they'd give me a poster if I was a dummy? So talk.
We're taught to cure them.
That's my job.
But what am I supposed to do when I can't When it's 2 A.
M.
and there's nothing I can do Just wait? Ah, so you want to talk about faith.
Faith? I guess so.
You're a man of science.
I've dabbled.
As scientists, we're taught to think rationally, logically, cause and effect.
If "a," then "b.
" There's no room for anything else.
And yet it's the mysterious which stands at the cradle of true science.
I wrote that when I was 45.
I know.
I read it when I was 9.
Well Mr.
smarty-pants.
Things were a lot simpler when I was a kid.
I don't exactly remember what I believed, but I believed in something.
I used to lie in my bed when I had leukemia, and I remember feeling like I wasn't alone.
Do you believe in god? I knew we'd get around to that sooner or later.
You ever hear of something called Pascal's wager? Yeah.
Pascal was a French mathematician.
That's right.
Pretty smart, too.
Of course, you'll notice he didn't get a poster.
Pascal is very logical, so he reasons that we can never really know if there is a god.
Makes sense, right? Right.
But and this is important He figures it's a good bet to believe there is one.
Why? Because if it turns out that there is, indeed, a supreme being, a god, well, then we get all the benefits, right? Life everlasting, personal guidance, enlightenment, absolution, mercy.
Maybe even that little sports car you've had your eye on, hmm? Whatever it is you want, you get.
What if it turns out there isn't a god? Nichtis nicht.
Big deal.
You didn't lose anything.
That's exactly what Vinnie said.
You mean that little weisenheimer who bounces balls off my head? Tell him not to.
O.
K.
Vinnie and Einstein How's the Hollister baby? Oh, he's less lethargic.
His color and hydration have improved.
Get some sleep.
Let me guess.
You passed your high school equivalency.
With flying colors.
You're now looking at a full-fledged high school graduate.
That's great.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
I guess it was your lucky day, huh? Excuse me? Your horoscope.
It was in your stars.
Hey, man, i worked my butt off for this diploma.
The stars had nothing to do with it.
Uh, I wouldn't do that.
Why not? Just trust me.
Vinnie, just on an off chance, have you ever heard of a guy named Pascal? Yeah, I think so.
Really? Ain't he the guy who'll paint any car any color for 69.
95? Yeah, that's him Earl Pascal.
Yeah.
Glad to be of service, doog.