Justice League (2001) s02e23 Episode Script
Comfort and Joy
Narrator: Previously on "Justice League" I've tucked away a great big time bomb Somewhere on the Vegas strip.
Only the Justice League can stop it.
And since every good suspense show has to have a ticking clock, Here's mine.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tonight's extra special guest stars, Making their world debut, The Royal Flush Gang.
Batman: We've got trouble.
The bomb is a fake.
Superman: There are 25 bombs.
Joker: And they're set to go off in-- Oh, dear.
That's not a lot of time.
[grunting.]
Disconnect the following wires in precisely this order.
Blue, yellow-and-black stripe, red, then black.
Ok, what next? Find another one.
[beeping.]
Aah! John! Uh! Aah! Lantern, are you ok over there? Lantern, check in! One of the bombs went off.
G.
L.
Was inside.
I'm looking for him.
I'm on my way.
Batman: No, you're not.
Stay with the bomb.
John! John.
No.
Ooh, medical drama.
Life-and-death stakes.
Compelling human conflict.
Ratings.
Come on! Aah! I can't believe I almost lost you without ever telling you.
Telling me what? Enough with the mushy stuff.
It's time for Superham's closeup.
Give it up, kid.
There's no way you can beat me.
I don't have to beat you.
I just have to slow you down until the bomb blows.
Hold that thought.
[screaming.]
[screaming.]
Now, where were we? A person could really learn to hate that guy.
Let's go back to watching Green Lantern croak.
That should cheer me up.
I found John.
He's in bad shape.
Uh! We'll meet at the last bomb, Then go after Joker.
Negative.
John needs medical attention.
Make it fast.
We gotta-- Hawkgirl out.
Joker: Oh, this'll never do.
Harley.
Right here, Mr.
J.
Come in for a nice, tight shot of Batman.
You heard the man.
Nice and tight.
Joker: Lower.
Lower! Pull up! Pull up! Aah! Ooh.
Heh heh! Technical difficulties.
Let's move on, shall we? Ah, yes.
By my count, the Justice League has disarmed or disabled All but one of my bombs.
I still don't think they're going to make it, though.
Aah! Come on, you didn't think it was going to be that easy.
Well, yeah, kind of.
Time to find out just how fast you are.
[groans.]
That about wraps you up.
[muffled screams.]
I know.
It's all I could think of on the spur of the moment.
Uh! Here's the thing-- Superman just tossed me halfway across town.
I'm taking it out on you.
Much as I'd enjoy watching my boys pummel the Flash, I've learned from hard experience That it always pays to keep an eye on bat guano.
[groans.]
Harley, where's Joker? After all these years, You still think I'd give up Mr.
J.
? Why not? He gave you up.
That was a long time ago.
He's changed.
We've been to couples counseling.
I'm talking about right now.
Or haven't you been watching the show? You've seen the way he touches her hair, The way he rubs her shoulders.
You mean Ace? She's just a kid.
Really? Then why is she with him While you're out here in the cold? Uh! Have to admit, didn't see that one coming.
Ooh, look at the time.
We don't want to miss the big finish.
[grunting.]
Put him down! You want him? You got him.
Aah! I'm stronger than anybody.
I knew I was stronger than you.
Aah! I've heard it before.
Have you heard this? You can't beat us both.
Are you crazy as Joker? We've got less than a minute.
If you beat me, you'll die in the explosion.
So? I'll win.
[beeping.]
I'm outta here.
Imitates chicken.]
Aah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Superman: Flash! I'll keep this maniac busy.
Defuse the bomb.
Uh! Even you can't disarm one of my bombs in time.
Shut up! What kind of a retort is that? You're not even trying.
Not the blue one! You'll blow us all to smithereens! Seriously, you were right.
Cut the black one.
I mean, the red one.
No, blue! That's it.
Black and yellow striped one.
No, wait! Green.
[explosion.]
What just happened? He, uh, I think-- Get me an instant replay.
Super-slow motion.
Huh.
Hey, Supes.
That's the last of the bombs.
We win.
That was quite a stunt you just pulled off.
I know.
Can't wait to catch the rerun.
Joker: Was that great or what? Let's give a big hand to the Justice League for foiling my bomb plot.
Come on! You know, our show was picked up by all the news channels.
And the last 15 minutes or so has been running on the broadcast networks.
According to my projections, We've got somewhere between 60 and 70 million people watching right now.
And that was the point all along.
This whole thing was a stunt To get as many of you watching as possible, And it worked.
My Royal Flush Gang provided the conflict.
The Justice League brought the star power.
And I brought the shocking surprise ending.
Everyone watching the show right now Is witness to my greatest joke ever.
In just over 5 minutes, You'll all be hopelessly, incurably insane.
Can't stop looking, can you? I wish I could say it's my animal magnetism, But it's really my little Ace in the hole.
Different, they called her.
Some even said she was a monster.
Is this a monster? I ask you.
Purely rhetorically, of course.
Condemned for something she could barely comprehend, Our little Ace soon found herself a guest of the government.
But even they were afraid of her strange power.
Fortunately for them, Their nasty little headband made her as harmless as a drowned kitten.
My poor, poor Acey.
All your life, people have been recoiling in fear from you.
Oh, can I relate.
Maybe that's why I'm the only one Who's never been scared of you.
You see, Ace can send out thought waves that alter perception.
But enough with the jargon.
She can make you crazy just by looking at you In person or on TV.
Even as I speak, Millions of you slack-jawed couch potatoes Are losing your grip on reality, Which in my opinion is highly overrated anyway.
But you can't look away, Even though you know something is terribly wrong.
And the best part-- I'm immune to all this because I'm already crazy.
Joker: Turn it up, baby.
Superman: We need To fight.
To fight.
Yeah, but I can't.
It's only a matter of time now.
A few more minutes, and millions of people are going to go And it's all because of you-- The best sidekick a homicidal maniac ever had.
Harley: What about me? Harley! Yeah, Harley, you worthless two-timing piece-- Wait! Wait.
We can't let everything we have be ruined By a silly misunderstanding.
And just what is it that I'm not understanding? That we're two of a kind, That you'll always come back to me.
Yeah, I guess I do, don't I? But-- Like the swallows in Capistrano.
And there's one other thing you're not getting.
What? That you led Batman right to my doorstep! Uh! Tough love.
Very effective.
Don't you think so, Batman? Yoo-hoo! Batman! I know you're up there-- oh! Oh, there you are.
Acey, why don't you give him a piece of your mind? [croaking.]
Turn up the juice.
Uhh [groaning.]
Oh, how I've waited for this.
# big old bats has fallen down # Uh! # on the ground # mind unsound # big old bats has fallen down # Uh! I'm so happy! Ah! I've never seen you this determined, bats.
But as they say, All good things must come to an end.
Hmm.
Nice lamp.
Just-- just a souvenir, that's all.
Give me that! I'm not afraid of you.
Wait.
Please.
I know what it's like to frighten other people.
That's why I'm not afraid of you.
I'm the only one.
Don't do this.
[groans.]
Do what? That's my little Acey.
Everything's going to be Aah! [screaming.]
Where Are you gonna go? Nowhere.
[groans.]
It was the shock of the detonation that stopped his heart.
No, he's going to be fine.
I'll stay with him tonight.
Batman, about before, I'm sorry.
I-- Batman: No.
We never leave a man behind.
Right? Right.
Ok, I'll check in later.
[beeping.]
[groan.]
Hey.
Hey.
Go back to sleep.
I'm not sleepy.
Besides, we've got things to talk about.
It can wait.
Not anymore.
I'm tired of waiting.
You know how I feel about you.
John And I know you feel the same way.
It's not that simple.
John, this can't go any further.
Why not? It's crazy.
We work together.
So? It gives us something in common.
We can't be worrying about each other When we're fighting the bad guys.
Too late for that.
What else you got? We're so different.
I mean, look at us.
Just look at us.
I see a man and a woman.
Woman: Well, it's about time.
[bells ringing.]
Only the Justice League can stop it.
And since every good suspense show has to have a ticking clock, Here's mine.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tonight's extra special guest stars, Making their world debut, The Royal Flush Gang.
Batman: We've got trouble.
The bomb is a fake.
Superman: There are 25 bombs.
Joker: And they're set to go off in-- Oh, dear.
That's not a lot of time.
[grunting.]
Disconnect the following wires in precisely this order.
Blue, yellow-and-black stripe, red, then black.
Ok, what next? Find another one.
[beeping.]
Aah! John! Uh! Aah! Lantern, are you ok over there? Lantern, check in! One of the bombs went off.
G.
L.
Was inside.
I'm looking for him.
I'm on my way.
Batman: No, you're not.
Stay with the bomb.
John! John.
No.
Ooh, medical drama.
Life-and-death stakes.
Compelling human conflict.
Ratings.
Come on! Aah! I can't believe I almost lost you without ever telling you.
Telling me what? Enough with the mushy stuff.
It's time for Superham's closeup.
Give it up, kid.
There's no way you can beat me.
I don't have to beat you.
I just have to slow you down until the bomb blows.
Hold that thought.
[screaming.]
[screaming.]
Now, where were we? A person could really learn to hate that guy.
Let's go back to watching Green Lantern croak.
That should cheer me up.
I found John.
He's in bad shape.
Uh! We'll meet at the last bomb, Then go after Joker.
Negative.
John needs medical attention.
Make it fast.
We gotta-- Hawkgirl out.
Joker: Oh, this'll never do.
Harley.
Right here, Mr.
J.
Come in for a nice, tight shot of Batman.
You heard the man.
Nice and tight.
Joker: Lower.
Lower! Pull up! Pull up! Aah! Ooh.
Heh heh! Technical difficulties.
Let's move on, shall we? Ah, yes.
By my count, the Justice League has disarmed or disabled All but one of my bombs.
I still don't think they're going to make it, though.
Aah! Come on, you didn't think it was going to be that easy.
Well, yeah, kind of.
Time to find out just how fast you are.
[groans.]
That about wraps you up.
[muffled screams.]
I know.
It's all I could think of on the spur of the moment.
Uh! Here's the thing-- Superman just tossed me halfway across town.
I'm taking it out on you.
Much as I'd enjoy watching my boys pummel the Flash, I've learned from hard experience That it always pays to keep an eye on bat guano.
[groans.]
Harley, where's Joker? After all these years, You still think I'd give up Mr.
J.
? Why not? He gave you up.
That was a long time ago.
He's changed.
We've been to couples counseling.
I'm talking about right now.
Or haven't you been watching the show? You've seen the way he touches her hair, The way he rubs her shoulders.
You mean Ace? She's just a kid.
Really? Then why is she with him While you're out here in the cold? Uh! Have to admit, didn't see that one coming.
Ooh, look at the time.
We don't want to miss the big finish.
[grunting.]
Put him down! You want him? You got him.
Aah! I'm stronger than anybody.
I knew I was stronger than you.
Aah! I've heard it before.
Have you heard this? You can't beat us both.
Are you crazy as Joker? We've got less than a minute.
If you beat me, you'll die in the explosion.
So? I'll win.
[beeping.]
I'm outta here.
Imitates chicken.]
Aah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Superman: Flash! I'll keep this maniac busy.
Defuse the bomb.
Uh! Even you can't disarm one of my bombs in time.
Shut up! What kind of a retort is that? You're not even trying.
Not the blue one! You'll blow us all to smithereens! Seriously, you were right.
Cut the black one.
I mean, the red one.
No, blue! That's it.
Black and yellow striped one.
No, wait! Green.
[explosion.]
What just happened? He, uh, I think-- Get me an instant replay.
Super-slow motion.
Huh.
Hey, Supes.
That's the last of the bombs.
We win.
That was quite a stunt you just pulled off.
I know.
Can't wait to catch the rerun.
Joker: Was that great or what? Let's give a big hand to the Justice League for foiling my bomb plot.
Come on! You know, our show was picked up by all the news channels.
And the last 15 minutes or so has been running on the broadcast networks.
According to my projections, We've got somewhere between 60 and 70 million people watching right now.
And that was the point all along.
This whole thing was a stunt To get as many of you watching as possible, And it worked.
My Royal Flush Gang provided the conflict.
The Justice League brought the star power.
And I brought the shocking surprise ending.
Everyone watching the show right now Is witness to my greatest joke ever.
In just over 5 minutes, You'll all be hopelessly, incurably insane.
Can't stop looking, can you? I wish I could say it's my animal magnetism, But it's really my little Ace in the hole.
Different, they called her.
Some even said she was a monster.
Is this a monster? I ask you.
Purely rhetorically, of course.
Condemned for something she could barely comprehend, Our little Ace soon found herself a guest of the government.
But even they were afraid of her strange power.
Fortunately for them, Their nasty little headband made her as harmless as a drowned kitten.
My poor, poor Acey.
All your life, people have been recoiling in fear from you.
Oh, can I relate.
Maybe that's why I'm the only one Who's never been scared of you.
You see, Ace can send out thought waves that alter perception.
But enough with the jargon.
She can make you crazy just by looking at you In person or on TV.
Even as I speak, Millions of you slack-jawed couch potatoes Are losing your grip on reality, Which in my opinion is highly overrated anyway.
But you can't look away, Even though you know something is terribly wrong.
And the best part-- I'm immune to all this because I'm already crazy.
Joker: Turn it up, baby.
Superman: We need To fight.
To fight.
Yeah, but I can't.
It's only a matter of time now.
A few more minutes, and millions of people are going to go And it's all because of you-- The best sidekick a homicidal maniac ever had.
Harley: What about me? Harley! Yeah, Harley, you worthless two-timing piece-- Wait! Wait.
We can't let everything we have be ruined By a silly misunderstanding.
And just what is it that I'm not understanding? That we're two of a kind, That you'll always come back to me.
Yeah, I guess I do, don't I? But-- Like the swallows in Capistrano.
And there's one other thing you're not getting.
What? That you led Batman right to my doorstep! Uh! Tough love.
Very effective.
Don't you think so, Batman? Yoo-hoo! Batman! I know you're up there-- oh! Oh, there you are.
Acey, why don't you give him a piece of your mind? [croaking.]
Turn up the juice.
Uhh [groaning.]
Oh, how I've waited for this.
# big old bats has fallen down # Uh! # on the ground # mind unsound # big old bats has fallen down # Uh! I'm so happy! Ah! I've never seen you this determined, bats.
But as they say, All good things must come to an end.
Hmm.
Nice lamp.
Just-- just a souvenir, that's all.
Give me that! I'm not afraid of you.
Wait.
Please.
I know what it's like to frighten other people.
That's why I'm not afraid of you.
I'm the only one.
Don't do this.
[groans.]
Do what? That's my little Acey.
Everything's going to be Aah! [screaming.]
Where Are you gonna go? Nowhere.
[groans.]
It was the shock of the detonation that stopped his heart.
No, he's going to be fine.
I'll stay with him tonight.
Batman, about before, I'm sorry.
I-- Batman: No.
We never leave a man behind.
Right? Right.
Ok, I'll check in later.
[beeping.]
[groan.]
Hey.
Hey.
Go back to sleep.
I'm not sleepy.
Besides, we've got things to talk about.
It can wait.
Not anymore.
I'm tired of waiting.
You know how I feel about you.
John And I know you feel the same way.
It's not that simple.
John, this can't go any further.
Why not? It's crazy.
We work together.
So? It gives us something in common.
We can't be worrying about each other When we're fighting the bad guys.
Too late for that.
What else you got? We're so different.
I mean, look at us.
Just look at us.
I see a man and a woman.
Woman: Well, it's about time.
[bells ringing.]