Lost In Space (1965) s02e23 Episode Script

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, we left Will, Penny and the Robot playing a game of chance unaware pirates were even now about to descend upon their planet.
Ah! Number eight on the black, an open number.
How unfortunate.
You are both losers.
- However, as they say in the gaming casinos-- - Just a minute, Dr.
Smith.
There is something on number eight.
There can't be, unless someone cheated.
I must warn you both, the house rules are quite specific on cheating.
But it's not a chip, Dr.
Smith.
It looks like a-a gold coin.
Gold coin? Let me see.
Why, yes, indeed, it is.
Probably an artifact left from some ancient civilization.
Let's see if we can find some more.
- Dr.
Smith! - What? - I think I found something! - What is it, my dear? It looks like a metal ring.
This is perhaps the entrance to a treasure trove.
- Caution is advised.
- Silence, ninny! Stand aside.
I think it's begun to move.
- [ Screams .]
- [ Thudding .]
What-- What happened? Where-- Where am I? Will? Will, Penny? - Can you hear me? - Of course we can hear you, Dr.
Smith.
Oh, thank heavens.
I thought I'd fallen much farther.
- [ Will .]
What's that? - What's what? - Where? - The thing you have your hand on.
Oh! - What is it? - Definitely not humanoid.
Oh, thank goodness.
That is a bone of an alien monster.
Oh.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
What is that? - [ Robot .]
Ancient relics.
- Come on, Dr.
Smith.
- Just a moment, William.
What are you doing? I think I've discovered something of value.
[ Groaning .]
Help me, help me.
Ah, yes.
Careful! Careful, my back is extremely delicate, as you know.
Ah! Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
- There.
- What is that, Dr.
Smith? This must surely contain rare jewels, priceless artifacts or perhaps even-- Ugh! What a gruesome sense of impropriety.
- What do you suppose it was doing down there? - I haven't the slightest idea.
Ugh! Nasty thing! Come along, my dears.
It's getting quite late.
Tomorrow we shall return and resume our studies of the laws of chance.
Indeed.
Come along.
Good evening.
Hey! Wait for me! [ No Audible Dialogue .]
What do you say? How about a short walk around the planet? That's the best offer I've had all evening.
As a matter of fact, it's the only offer.
- Oh, you really know how to hurt a guy! - It isn't that I'm not flattered but it would be nice just once to have one other offer.
- Okay.
Some other time.
- Well, I didn't say I didn't want to go.
- Oh, like, wow! - [ Maureen Laughs .]
- Well, just be sure you have her back by midnight.
- Yes, you do that and next time I'll let you have the keys to the Chariot, fella.
[ All Laugh .]
[ Robot .]
But, Dr.
Smith, I'm telling you-- Stop this senseless jabbering, will you, you deplorable dummy! It is absolutely impossible to take a quiet after-dinner constitutional without this clod-like collection of condensers constantly underfoot - cackling, "Warning! Warning!" - Well, what happened? My sensors indicate the presence of aliens.
- How many? - Four and one-eighth.
Four and one-eighth, indeed! What a sorry specimen of computerhood you really are! Four and one-eighth? The disembodied head measures exactly nine inches.
That computes to exactly one eighth of an alien.
Disembodied head? Oh, John, what does he mean? Just a grisly practical joke, madam, left behind by a sick, former civilization.
To attribute any form of life to it is the product only of this one's disordered mind.
And now if you will excuse me, I shall retire.
Good night to all, and to all a good night.
- Bah! - [ Penny .]
Good night, Dr.
Smith.
- [ Will .]
Night.
- One of these days-- One of these days, I'm going to forget all my built-in protective circuits and zap him! Just one zap! I'm sorry.
Strike that.
I repent.
Erase that from my memory banks.
[ Tapping .]
[ Whirring .]
Who's there? Good evening! Aah! Help! Help! - Oh! - What is it, Smith? - That.
- Oh, Dr.
Smith.
What are you doing with that thing? - It followed me! - [ Maureen .]
What? It's true, I tell you.
The ghastly thing is alive! Someone's just playing a joke on you-- probably Will.
No, no.
It's alive, I tell you.
It scrabbled at the door.
It even spoke to me! [ Maureen .]
Dr.
Smith, you were probably just dreaming.
Now, why don't you just go back to sleep and forget about the whole thing? Penny, dear, be good enough to take that hideous thing outside and dispose of it.
All right.
Oh.
Perhaps this is all my imagination.
Oh, dear.
I do hope I haven't taken leave of my senses.
Will? Did you leave this outside of Dr.
Smith's quarters? Because if you did, it wasn't very funny.
Huh? What'd you say? Never mind.
[ Squawks .]
Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight! You are needed, Will Robinson! You're Nik, aren't you? You belong to Captain Tucker, the pirate! Either that, or he belongs to me.
- Where is he? - Straight ahead, then a turn to the right.
[ Squawks, Whistles .]
[ Whirring .]
[ Groaning .]
[ Groaning .]
Pump me bilges! It be the nipper! - Cap'n Tucker! What are you doing here? - What's it look like I'm doing? Get that knife and cut me loose.
- Arrh! - What happened to you? Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight! - Dead man's gold, live man's greed! - Shut your gob, ya lubberly bird! Aye, it's ol' Captain Tucker.
Aye, flesh and bone, meat and sinew.
Aye.
Ohh! Oh, me back! Ahh, gimme your fist, me bucko.
- It sure is good to see you again, Cap'n.
- Is it? Is it, me bucko, indeed? Ahh! Does my heart good to hear the words in the midst of me adversities, to find one true, loyal friend.
- Gimme your thumb.
- The pirates' oath! Aye, aye! Ah, that touches me-- touches me here, deep.
- You still haven't told me what you're doing here.
- Well, that there-- that there is a long story.
- [ Nik .]
It'll be a good one.
[ Whistles .]
- I'll wring your blasted neck! Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight! - What's he talkin' about? - Nonsense.
The bird's head is filled with nonsense.
But tell me about yourself.
I've thought of ya often whilst I struggled to make a hard but honest living.
- [ Nik Laughing .]
- A cynic! The bird is a cynic.
Never had any faith in me good intentions.
Well, if you've been so honest, how come you were all tied up? I were a victim-- a victim of "evile" companions.
- Well, if they're so evil, what were you doing with them? - Aww! Now, ya ain't doubtin' me, are ya, me bucko? Golly, no, Cap'n! Well, it were this way.
I were on a venture.
- What kind of a venture? - Oh, a tradin' venture-- an honest tradin' venture.
A syndicate of decent gentlemen from the planet Bootes-- - Bootes? - Aye, Bootes! Provided a ship to go explorin' and tradin' among unexplored planets.
And little did I dream that I had signed aboard a crew of murderous cutthroats! And when they revealed their foul plan to me and asked me to lead them -you know what I said to them? - What did you tell them? I says to them, I says "Thanks to dear ol' nipper what showed me the evil of me wicked ways "I'll have no part in your foul plans.
Hang me from the yardarm," says I "but I'll not do your wicked bidding," says I.
- I sure am proud of you, Cap'n.
- Aye.
[ Whistling .]
I told you it'd be a good one! Why, the dirty bird hates me! [ Beeping .]
It's a warnin'! - [ Men Chuckling, Chattering .]
- Hark! Hark! - ## [ Singing Sea Chanty .]
- They're comin'! - Who's coming, Cap'n? - Them that'd slit your gizzard without so much as a "beggin' your pardon" for the trouble they put you to.
Come on! ## [ Continues .]
- Who are they? - Shh! I'd swear we left ol' pump-me-bilges here.
Nay.
It were farther up the gully.
- No, it were right here! - Leave it to a blind guppy like you to get lost.
Who's callin' who a blind guppy? Oh, now, lookin' for trouble, be ye? - Well? - [ Roars .]
He's right.
We'll never find ol' Beelibones's treasure fightin' among ourselves.
All right then.
Up the draw! What were they talkin' about, Cap'n? Who's Beelibones? No, son, never mind.
Let's make sail.
The neighborhood here ain't good for us honest folk.
Oh, dear.
You know, it's just like Will to run off like this at night.
I'm really very concerned about it.
I'll have a talk with him tomorrow.
Two persons are approaching.
Personality patterns indicate one is Master Will Robinson.
- Good! And who's the other one? - That is noncomputable.
My sensors can only identify personality patterns from existing crew members.
[ Will .]
Mom, Dad! [ Laughs .]
Well, I can hardly believe it! - Well, how did you get here? - Alonzo P.
Tucker reportin' aboard, sir.
- Captain Tucker.
- Tucker, what the devil are you doing here? Now, that there be a long story, Professor.
His crew mutinied, and Captain Tucker was marooned here.
- Aye.
- Your crew? Aye, honest spacemen.
Hearts of oak-- that is, they was until they was led astray by evil notions.
I sees a bad end for the lot of 'em.
[ Laughs .]
What is the meaning of all this commotion when I'm trying to--[ Gasps .]
Ohh! Good heavens! Captain Tucker? Now, don't be floppin' all over, Zach! Does my ol' heart good to see another friendly face.
It be a friendly face, bein' it? Well, of course it be.
Anything you say, my dear fellow.
I'm delighted to see you again.
So, I guess all is shipshape, at least for tonight.
Professor, ma'am, I'll be bunkin' in with my ol' shipmate.
- You will? - Any objections, shipmate? - Oh, no.
None at all, shipmate.
- Arrh! So I guess I won't be any trouble to you folks.
Just call me early in the mornin' for breakfast.
Good night, Professor.
Good night, ma'am.
Good night, me bucko.
- Where do ya sling your hammock? - This way.
Arrh.
Well, he certainly made himself at home in a hurry.
- He's had a very hard time of it, Dad.
- As for you, you get to bed.
- I'll talk to you in the morning.
- Yes, sir.
Good night, Dad.
- Good night, Mom.
- Good night, darling.
John do you believe that tale he told us? No, I don't think so.
You know how Tucker liked to tell a tall yarn.
Just to be on the safe side, Don and I'll take a look in the morning.
- All right.
- Now, why don't we turn in? [ Snoring .]
Oh! - Captain Tucker, wake up! - Huh? Wha-- What? - You are snoring, sir.
- Oh, I don't hear nothin'.
Oh! Indeed.
A man of my sensitivity to be subjected to such ignominious treatment.
Oh! Captain Tucker! [ Whirring .]
- Captain Tucker! - Good evening.
- What's the matter now? - Captain Tucker it's back.
Pump me bilges! It's Beelibones's head! - [ Chuckles .]
- Take it away! Captain Tucker, take it away! - And this time make it stay away! - What do you mean, "this time make it stay away"? It's been pursuing me ever since I dug that horrid thing out of the pit.
- Pit? What pit? - Well, I don't exactly know.
There were old weapons and bones there and that obscene thing.
Oh, Captain Tucker, take it away.
I simply cannot stand any more! - Aye, there, there.
I'll take it away.
- You will? Yes.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
Whatever shall I do? I'm cold and I'm frightened.
Oh, that dreadful box.
[ Whistles .]
Well, well, if it isn't old Iron Pants! [ Squawks, Whistles .]
Do not disturb me.
I am on patrol.
On patrol? That's a laugh! [ Squawks .]
According to my memory banks, you are a thing called a "Nik.
" Who are you calling a "thing," thing? [ Squawks .]
What are you staring at, Goggle Eyes? I am evaluating your potential for dangerous activity before deciding to destroy you.
Destroy me? Ha-ha-ha! That's a laugh! Take a shot at me.
Go ahead.
Take a shot.
Very well.
I have decided you are potentially dangerous and must be destroyed.
- Hey! Over here! [ Whistles .]
- It does not compute.
What's the matter, Iron Pants? Losing your eyes? Try again, huh? Go ahead.
I dare you.
[ Squawks .]
I must reevaluate the wiring of my defense system.
Take your time, Iron Pants.
Take a lot of time.
[ Whirring .]
Hey! Didn't I tell you we were here on business? But, no, you have to lark around before deactivating him.
- Spoilsport! - [ Scoffs .]
[ Pirates Singing Sea Chanty .]
[ Pirates Singing Sea Chanty .]
## [ Tucker Joins In .]
Foul Weather himself, ya treacherous dogs! Now we'll parley with me holdin' the upper hand.
You can't blame the lads, Foul Weather.
You promised Beelibones's treasure.
Aye, and a chart to where it's buried.
Aye, and I'm a man of my word.
Say somethin', ya blasted head.
Good evening.
- Wh-What's that? - [ Tucker .]
What's that? I'll tell ya what it is, ya scum! Ol' Beelibones was too smart to put a chart on paper.
So he took a better road, ol' Beelibones did.
This here head here is tuned into Beelibones's personality in a manner of speaking so that he'll lead Beelibones, and no one but Beelibones, to his treasure.
Aahh! A lotta good that do us.
Beelibones is dead and molderin' on Antares 6 these last five years.
You led us on a false trail! Stop your yappin' tongues, ya dogs! False trail is it? Supposin' I were to tell ya that I have in me palm of the hand, so to say a human who matches ol' Beelibones's personality trait by trait - and fault by fault? - It ain't likely.
Why, there never was a man as treacherous and cowardly and as big a liar, and as greedy a glutton as Beelibones.
There be one! Zachary Smith by name.
He be one of the crew of the Jupiter 2.
- [ Laughing .]
- Well, then, answer me this! Why is this head here, followin' this human like a puppy fair beggin' to lead him to his treasure of gold and silver and such-- - Answer me that! - If this be one of your tricks, Alonzo Tucker-- Now, how can ya say that about ol' Tucker who's always treated ya fair? Aye, when we kept a close watch on ya, you were a fair-dealin' man.
Then trust me now, and we'll all share in the treasure.
Aagh! I still say we slit the gizzards of your friends in that there spaceship then disintegrate this here planet and dig out the treasure from among the space rubble.
And I say you're a blasted fool! [ Snarling .]
Who's for me and the Tucker method? All right.
We're with ya for the time.
But one sly trick, and ye and your friends are cold meat stew! - Aye! - [ Growls .]
- Wake up, ya blasted bird! - Now what? [ Squawks .]
You know what.
[ Whirring .]
Halt! Who-- I thought I-- Was I imagining something? That does not compute.
Cybernetic servomechanisms do not imagine.
Perhaps a general overhaul is in order.
Oh, good morning, Dr.
Smith.
You'd better hurry.
There's not much left.
It really doesn't matter, dear lady.
I shall never eat again.
- Ah, I hear it, but I don't believe it.
- Dr.
Smith, aren't you well? Fragile, madam.
Fragile is the word that best describes my condition.
- Oh.
What's wrong? - I have just passed an extremely dreadful night.
- Have some scrambled eggs, Dr.
Smith.
- Oh, no, I couldn't.
Oh, perhaps a small portion, a very small portion.
A bit more, my dear.
I'll force myself.
A man in my condition must keep up his strength.
Pass the bacon, please.
- What's in the box, Dr.
Smith? - A curse, my dear.
A curse that has plagued me ever since I inadvertently trespassed on an alien tomb.
Maybe it's the ghost from all the bacon and eggs you've devoured come back to haunt you.
You're a cold, cruel man, Major, to irk me so when quite clearly I am in a state of traumatic shock.
Traumatic shock? What are you going to do with it? - I'm going to drop it in the radioactive lava pit.
- Good luck, Doctor.
Come on, dear.
Let's do the dishes.
[ Whirring .]
- Good evening.
- Ohh! Stop that at once, you hear? Stop it, you horror! Why must you haunt me? - I am attuned to you, master.
- Oh, dear, oh, dear.
What a grisly fate, to be tormented by this ghoulish creature.
I don't think that's a creature at all, Dr.
Smith.
- I think it's some kind of electronic device.
- Electronic device? Every time it talks, the detectors inside pick up platinum electrode impulses, so it must be.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
Platinum electrode impulses? But why would anyone construct such a ghastly thing? I don't know.
Maybe the Robot can analyze it.
If you like, I'll ask him.
Yes, my dear boy.
I think I would like that very much.
Yes, sir.
This quaint device begins to have very definite interest for me.
Ah! There you are, you noxious ninny! What are you doing here, Robot? We've been looking all over for you.
I am undergoing self-overhaul.
My electronic simulator is checking out each of my individual components.
- [ Clattering .]
- Ah! There is a clunker.
You, sir, are a clunker.
What in the world are you doing? [ Clicking .]
Notice how my simulator reproduces an exact replacement part.
Never mind the lugubrious lecture, just analyze this for us sometime today, if you please.
Good evening.
Kindly do not speak while I am computing you.
Besides, anyone can plainly see that it is not evening.
Evening does not properly begin until-- Cease and desist, you demented diode! Proceed with the analysis.
Well, what do you think, Robot? A doodlebug-- electronic, but definitely a doodlebug.
Well, that tells me a lot.
What's a doodlebug? A device that, properly directed will lead one to the presence of water, oil or other treasure.
will lead one to the presence of water, oil or other treasure.
Treasure? Where? - How can it lead us there? - By the turn of its head.
Let's slice 'em up now and take the accursed head! Haul back, ya swab! The nipper is not to be touched! I'll settle your stew right now, you lily-livered-- Try me, if you've got the stomach for it.
- Aahh! - Heh! Now, lads, we'll bide our time.
Ol' Smith there with his greedy heart'll lead us direct to Beelibones's treasure.
Make sail.
[ Growls .]
Gee, Dr.
Smith, ask the head a question, and maybe it'll lead us all to treasure.
Electronic doodlebug, indeed! Stuff and nonsense! It's merely a clever little toy which I shall put away among my other trifling keepsakes.
Come along.
- [ Yelping .]
- Gimme the box, or I'll slither your gizzard! No, no.
No! Aah! Do you mean to tell me that what it was that Will saw was a member of your crew? Aye, sir.
From the description of the little nipper, I would say that there was Deek.
He's a bad one, ma'am.
Bad! Well, what in the name of the seven planets kind of crew do you have, Tucker? Well, sir, they ain't much to look at from your point of view but when you're signin' on a crew, you can't be fussy with their - personal eccentricities.
- Oh? - Well, Captain Tucker, are they dangerous? - Desperate, ma'am.
- Desperate is the word.
- Oh, my! - You find anything? - Just some tracks.
They look like they were made by some kind of a large reptile.
Aye, that there be Deek.
Well, they must be out there somewhere.
What are we going to do? From now on, everyone here will be confined to the area of the ship - until this matter's cleared up.
- All right, dear.
- Does that rule apply to me? - Is there any reason why it shouldn't? Well, no, I ain't objectin', but if I were free to come and go I might be able to reason with the lads.
If they're as desperate as you say, there'll be no reasoning with them.
- Yes, the rule applies to you too.
- Good morning, good morning.
- I'm on my way.
- Where do you think you're going, Smith? I've discovered what may be some very interesting ruins.
- I plan to spend the entire day investigating them.
- Ah, not today, Smith.
- I don't believe I understand.
- We're all restricted to the area of the ship.
- I think you'd better get inside.
- I beg your pardon! - On your way, Smith.
- What? Good heavens! What is this? Indeed! Indeed, indeed! [ Screams .]
[ Sighs .]
Wake up, wake up! I am your master.
Well, do whatever it is you're supposed to do, you loathsome creature! Do something! I warn you-- I'm a very impatient man! Oh, dear.
Aah! What is this? Who are you? What are you doing? Help! Help! [ Screaming .]
What are you doing? - I thought I heard somethin', Cap'n.
- No, no.
- Who are you? Aah! - You must be dreamin'.
I been keeping a weather eye out.
- I ain't heard nothin'.
- Aah! - That sounds like Dr.
Smith! - Oh! Well, now, what would he be doin' out there? - I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.
- No, no! - Hold on, me bucko.
Hold on.
- [ Screams Continue .]
Nipper! - Robot.
- Halt! No one is to leave.
- Did Dr.
Smith leave the camp? - Nobody could have gotten by without my seeing him.
But that was Dr.
Smith's scream I heard.
- Apparently, I've goofed again.
- Apparently.
I will go back to the drawing board and reevaluate my overhaul.
It was Dr.
Smith, Cap'n.
He's still out there.
Well, now, what do ya know about that there? He shouldn't have done that.
I'll start off first thing in the mornin'.
I'll find him.
- That may be too late.
I'd better go find him.
- Now, hold on, me bucko! You're going to throw an anchor into the whole works.
Don't try and stop me, Cap'n! Let ol' Captain Tucker explain to you the facts of life as he understands 'em.
When you've sailed enough spaceways, you come to realize that there's them that's bound and determined to burn themselves up all fired up with greed and desire and hungerin' to steal things what ain't rightly theirs.
No-account fellas like that, you just gotta step aside and let 'em go sailin' on to their just desserts if you gather my meaning.
Maybe Dr.
Smith is all those things, but I don't care! All I know is he's my friend, and I've gotta help him! Lemme go! Nipper! Nipper, come back here! Oh-h-h, dear.
[ Groaning .]
[ Growling .]
[ Screams .]
What's the matter with him, Deek? Maybe he don't like your looks, Smeek.
Well, he ain't no ravin' beauty.
What's wrong with me looks? You ain't much.
My friends think I'm good-lookin'.
- [ Grunting .]
- Well, they ain't very good friends of yours.
- [ Grunting .]
- Someone's coming! You see? There ain't nothing out here, me bucko.
Let's go back.
Nothing, huh? Well, what do you call that? Dr.
Smith! - Are you all right? - [ Moaning .]
I'm innocent! Oh! Blast it! William, thank heavens you're here! [ Screaming .]
[ Growling .]
- Shoo! Go on! Get outta here! - [ Laughing .]
Cap'n Tucker! There's no use, nipper.
I tried to keep ya from comin' out here.
But now you're out here, one way or the other, you have to stay.
[ Softly .]
With us-- You mean you're with them? Well, one way or t'other, we're all together.
It's me crew, nipper-- Deek Smeek - and Isruland.
- [ Isruland Grunts .]
All I can say, Cap'n, is I'm very disappointed in you.
- Arrh! - [ Crew Laughing .]
[ Growling .]
[ Groans .]
Aagh! No use, Cap'n.
Every time we brings him around, he drops off again.
Aye, it's been going on like that all night.
What's the matter with him, anyway? - [ Deek .]
Maybe if we knocked 'im around a bit-- - No! Maybe we should give 'im a big belt of gloog.
What is it you're tryin' to do, kill him? If everybody will excuse me for saying this, I think you're upsetting Dr.
Smith.
[ Deek .]
Well, he's upsettin' me and if he don't stop it, I'll make slemooth out of 'im - that's what.
- Here, now.
None of that there talk, Deek.
- Innocent ears, ya know.
- Well, maybe I could bring him around if you gentlemen would just get out of sight.
All right, me bucko.
We'll leave it up to you.
But no tricks.
- Come on, Dr.
Smith.
Wake up, wake up! - Mm? Eh? Go away.
Go away! Uhh! - William.
Are they gone? - Yeah, but they're not very far away.
- Then we must flee with alacrity.
- It's no use, Dr.
Smith.
- What do you mean? - They want you to lead them to a treasure.
Treasure? I don't know anything about a treasure.
I know that, but Cap'n Tucker told me somethin' about this pirate named-- named Beelibones, and all about his treasure and how the doodlebug can lead us to it.
Tucker, that renegade turncoat! - He wants me to share my treasure with him! - Well, either that or he'll turn you over to Deek who'll make you drink sloog and make slemooth, whatever that is.
Whatever it is, it sounds horrible.
William, perhaps we could make a little arrangement with them.
A little agreement to our mutual benefit? - No time for games, Dr.
Smith.
Come on.
Get up.
- Uh, yes, yes.
Help me.
Uh! - [ Yelps .]
- The nipper's right, Zach.
- [ Growls .]
- Right enough! - Take us to the treasure, or else! - Or else? - Hi.
- Well? Anything? - No.
No sign of them.
- [ Sighs .]
Will, Smith and Tucker.
- Well, if you ask me who's responsible-- - I wouldn't blame Dr.
Smith, Don.
No, not now.
It's not the time for it.
No.
I was about to say that Tucker could be behind all of this.
- Oh? - We'll find out who's responsible when we catch up with them.
- Yes, of course you will.
- Darling, arm yourself and the girls.
Turn on the force field, and don't let anyone through till we get back.
All right.
I'll take care of everything.
I'll get the rifles.
Come on, Robot.
We have to track down Will and Smith.
I am unable to comply.
I have just rejected my power generator.
It will take me 17 minutes to duplicate it.
- Well, this is a heck of a time to do spring cleaning! - I am sorry.
Well, if you can't do anything else, stay here and guard the ship.
Here you go.
My electro-force beam is extremely low.
This is where I found the dreadful thing.
Aye, this be the start of our treasure search.
- Get on with it, Zach! - Zach, indeed! Here, William.
Do something.
- Good evening.
- Good evening, my foot! Is that the only thing you can say, you ridiculous creature? - Good evening to all and good night.
- Bah! Hey! Try bein' pleasant to it.
Pat it.
Make nice to it.
Yes.
My dear friend this is frightfully important to all of us, particularly to me.
It's no use! Try telling it to lead you to Beelibones's treasure.
Take me to Beelibones's treasure, my loyal friend.
- [ Whirring .]
- Oh! Good heavens! Now what? Aye, his head's turnin'.
It's lookin' in that there direction.
"Foller" its head.
[ Growling .]
- Still warm.
- Yeah.
Footprints all over the place.
Look, you cover that trail.
I'll take this one.
Couldn't we rest for a minute? This is gettin' awfully heavy.
Rest, indeed! There's work to be done! Give it here.
[ Growling .]
I feel a storm warnin'.
Is somethin' the matter, me bucko? Nothing.
Ya ain't mad at me, are ya? Cap'n Tucker, you told me you were gonna lead an honest life.
You lied to me! Oh, now, it were no lie.
I-- I were stretchin' the truth a little bit.
Gettin' mixed up with a bunch of bad pirates, and all for some treasure! Well, it-it's not just some treasure.
Ol' Beelibones came from Betelguese and you can bet no Betelguesian is gonna settle for no second-class treasure.
Why-- Why, on Betelguese, all them buildings is made of silver and gold and they've got jewels on it big as oyster eggs.
Why-- Why, even the shovels and the knives and the forks and the fryin' pans are made of silver and gold.
That's how rich ol' Betelguese is.
Well, then if Beelibones came from such a rich place as that why would he have a treasure of gold and jewels? - What kind of nonsense is that there you're talkin'? - Well, it just seems to me that if all those things don't mean very much on Betelguese then Beelibones's treasure would be something much more rare and valuable.
Pump me bilges! You think of that, me bucko! Ahh! Think of that there! I'm thinking, Cap'n.
But I still don't see how you would have lied to me! Shh! I didn't lie.
It isn't just the treasure.
Me shipmates'd slit your gizzard and Zach's, too, if we didn't help 'em find the treasure.
Well, what's gonna stop 'em from slittin' our gizzards once they find the treasure? You just let ol' Cap'n Tucker worry about that.
He's got a feelin' that this here odds against us may even up.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Captain Tucker? - Aye! - What's all this about? - It just points at the stone wall.
- Do you suppose we've reached the treasure? - Aye, maybe.
Deek, step up and give this here wall a knock or two.
Maybe there's a secret panel in it.
Step back everyone.
Give Deek a chance.
Go on.
Aah! - Where's he gone? - Ahh! I might've known ol' Beelibones'd set a trap or two for trespassers.
Eh, poor ol' Deek.
He were a brave one.
Rest in peace, Deek.
Heh-heh! - Too bad, too bad.
- Ya blasted head! Show us where the treasure is, or I'll cut ya to pieces! Yes, show us! Show us! That way.
That way.
Yeah! Where? Where? Over there.
Over there.
Who's to go out there and find out what's waitin' for us? - Go ahead, Isruland.
- [ Growling .]
No! Smeek will not go! It's your turn! How 'bout you, Foul Weather? Seems as how it's about your turn.
- Well, fair's fair.
- [ Grunts .]
We'll match for it! Heh! - You go, ya swab! - [ Grunting .]
What is it ya see out there, me hairy shipmate? [ Growling .]
Oh! Oh, dear! I think I'm going to faint.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Aye.
Poor old Isruland.
Never knew what hit him.
Rest in peace, Isruland.
Does make it easier come splittin' up time.
- Aye.
- Right, Foul Weather? Aye, that's true enough.
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace.
That way.
Onward to the treasure.
Careful! Careful, William! Down here.
Down here.
Aye! Start diggin', mates.
Me bones say the treasure lies here.
- Not me! - You certainly can't mean me, Captain Tucker.
- My back is too delicate for such rough work.
- Let the boy do the digging.
Splendid idea.
Well, you're such a small target, William, anything would miss you.
A fine lot of swabs you are, to let a boy to a man's work.
We'll not be wantin' to fall into any more of Beelibones's traps, Cap'n.
The boy's the most useless of the whole lot of us.
- Arrh! - Or maybe I have to blow you down first.
Come on, boy.
You and me, we'll both dig in.
If you say so, Cap'n.
- Wait a minute! I think I found something! - Yeah.
- It's some kind of a chest! - Hold it! - Get back! - Yes, sir.
Disarm yourself.
By your yarn, nipper, get behind me.
I smell foul weather ahead.
It is a chest, with Beelibones's fist on it plain as day.
Help me hoist it out.
Yes, yes, yes.
Feast your eyes on the ransom of a planet.
Tucker, be this some of your humor? This be nothin' but pig iron! You tricked us all the way! Nik! Arrh! Disarm him! Whatever happens to you, you deserve it.
Ya blasted unreliable bird! Drop your weapon! It's no use, Professor.
He eats lasers for breakfast.
Cold steel is all he can't stomach! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad, watch out! You can't run out, Cap'n! You've gotta stay and help! Ah, me bucko, what is it you're doin' to an honest pirate? Aahh! [ Grunting .]
Drop your weapon, Smeek, or say a sweet good-bye to this here world! [ Grunting .]
Arrh! I say, let's hang him.
Let's hang him as a pirate from the highest tree.
- That's not a bad idea.
- No! Cap'n Tucker is my friend and at the end when he knew there was gonna be trouble, he was willing to protect me.
Now, that there be the mortal truth, sir.
Ol' Cap'n Tucker, he wouldn't see no harm come to the little nipper.
Then what are we going to do with you? Well, now, you might let me go, sir.
I still have a ship back there in the hills.
- To go on pirating, I suppose.
- Heaven forbid! From now on, I ain't nothin' but a decent spaceman in the packet trade.
Ya have me word on that, on the article, sir.
Well, I suppose that's as good a reason as any for getting rid of you.
All right.
On your way, Tucker.
But mind you, no tricks.
Ya have me fist and me "affidavy" on that there, sir.
Oh, by the way my son tells me that you were well prepared for trouble when you found your treasure chest.
- What warned you? - Oh.
Well, it were somethin' the little nipper said about Betelguese.
With all them silver and gold and jewels there there weren't so much as a door hinge made of iron, or a single steel tool.
It weren't no joke ol' Beelibones was playin'.
That there scrap metal were for him a real treasure may his bones rest in peace.
Good-bye, me bucko.
- Good-bye, Captain.
- Maybe we'll meet again sometime.
- I sure hope so.
- You do? Why? - Because I like you.
- Pump me bilges! The little nipper likes me.
- Good-bye, matey.
- Good-bye, Cap'n.
You think of ol' Tucker now and again.
Ha-ha! - Good-bye.
- So long.
- Tucker.
Thank heavens he's gone.
This entire affair has been a frightful nightmare.
But now that you've disposed of that hideous box, my dear friend I shall erase all memory of the incident from my mind.
From this very moment, I shall think only peaceful, tranquil thoughts.
No! What is the meaning of this? I know.
Back to the drawing board.
You insipid ineptitude! Be gone! Oh, dear, oh, dear.
I shall never survive the strain of this dreadful box.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Oh, the pain, the pain of it all.
[ Roaring .]
[ Screaming .]
Help! Stay away from me! Help! Aah! Aah! Oh, oh, no! Stay away from me! Please stay away.
I mean you no harm.
I really do not mean you any harm.
- I was just looking at these lovely things.
- [ Roars .]
[ Screams .]
Dr.
Smith! What's the matter? I had a fortune in my hands! I was robbed! Quick! Stop him! Are you going to stand there and do nothing? Stop him from eating those lovely things! - The rubies belong to him, Dr.
Smith.
- Indeed, they do not! The monster's like a squirrel, Dr.
Smith.
I guess it gathers up the rubies and saves them to eat during the winter.
- We don't have a winter here.
- Oh, yeah.
Why don't we look over there for some rubies that he might have not found? - Do you think there might be some? - Sure, maybe.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
It's worth a look.
Come along.
[ Roars .]
Nothing here.
Oh, dear.
To think that each day a veritable fortune in rubies goes down that furry gullet.
And we could be so rich with such a very few of them.
- "We"? - Yes, William, we.
It's high time you gave more than a passing thought to your future, my dear boy.
Perhaps a trust fund would be useful.
And together, we have a very good chance of securing it.
I know, Dr.
Smith, but Dad put that area off-limits.
Do not look at me.
I am not programmed to become a jewel thief.
Spare me the moralizing, you overcautious concoction! Just remember that when I become rich, as I surely will you had your chance and you passed it by.
How could you understand the simple joys of life? Jewels and lots of money.
Warning! Warning! Extraterrestrial life-form approaching! - Where? Where? - There!