The Proud Family (2001) s02e23 Episode Script

(light music playing)
This is wonderful, isn't it, Oscar?
It's amazing how diverse
this school really is.
Yeah, it looks like a regular
United Nations, up in here.
It's the perfect place to try out
my new Proud Diversity Snax.
Like this country,
it's a mixture of everything:
Brazil nuts, Irish oats,
Italian sausage, Spanish rice,
English toffee, German chocolate,
Swedish meatballs,
all held together with the crunchy texture
of pork rinds,
rolled up to a scrumptious
little bite-sized burrito.
Anybody want a taste?
Where'd everybody go? Mr. Chips?
-Mr. Chips, come back here!
-(screeching)
-What
-Bonjour, mademoiselles.
Dijonay, why are you dressed like Elvis?
And sounding like Gérard Depardieu?
Oh, no, you Depar-didn't!
You better take that back.
Dijonay, I just meant
you were speaking French.
Oh. Well, that's because
my family is French.
Yeah, they're from Paris, Texas.
No, they're from Louisiana.
We're Creole-ay, okay?
(Ms. Hightower) Children, quiet.
-Parents, quiet.
-(all chattering)
Everyone
Quiet, ya Osbournes!
Thank you.
Now, I want to thank all of you
parents and children
for making this year's cultural fair
an unqualified success.
The following assignment,
which you've all volunteered for,
will give the children a chance
to learn about another culture,
by switching households for one week,
and immersing themselves
in the customs and traditions
of a culture other than their own.
The ultimate benefit
will not only go to the children
and the parents,
but to mankind itself.
(Dijonay) Ooh, I hope I'm switching
with Little Wiz.
But, Dijonay,
you're not from different cultures.
Yes, we are. The rich and happy,
and the broke and nappy.
Now, when I call your name,
please stand with your new family.
Dijonay Jones
will be switching with the Chang triplets.
(Mr. Jones) Now wait a minute now.
I already have ten kids.
I can't feed three more.
What's wrong with you people?
I want to live with the Wiz.
I was born to live in the lap of luxury.
Zoey Howzer will switch
with Little Wizard, Jr., y'all.
Yes! I'm going to be balling,
shot-calling and yes-yes y'all-ing.
Hey! Ooh-ooh!
LaCienega Boulevardez
will switch with the Gross sisters.
This isn't a switch!
This is a fix!
Fix! Fix! Fix!
(bawling)
(laughing)
And Radika Zameen
will be switched with
Penny Proud.
Radika Zameen? Who is that?
(Radika) Hello, Penny.
I'm Radika,
and this is my family.
(gasps)
It'll be a pleasure to have you
in our household, Penny.
Aah!
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day and night ♪
Even when you start acting like a fool ♪
You know I'm loving
Every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can always be myself ♪
I love you more than anybody else ♪
And every day
As I'm heading off to school ♪
You know there's no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They'll make you scream ♪
They make you want to sing ♪
It's a family thing, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They'll push your buttons ♪
And make you want to hug them ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
(Oscar) Yeowch!
(Trudy) Penny, get down here!
You're going to be late for school.
(coughing)
(hacking cough)
Penny, why aren't you dressed?
I don't think I can go to school.
I don't feel too well.
(coughs)
Stay away from me.
Whatever you got, I don't want to catch.
Well, you don't feel warm.
It's not really a fever.
Mm It's my stomach.
Oh, I know what it was.
Those nasty diversity snacks
your daddy made.
-I'd love to diverse you, Mama.
Well, then diverse this.
-Ow!
-Why don't you just give her
some castor oil, Trudy?
That'll clean her out.
No, Mama, please don't.
I'm not that sick, Mama.
Well, how sick are you?
Sick enough not to go to school for
I don't know,
about a week?
Oh, I see.
Penny Proud, are you trying to get out
of the cultural exchange?
No, I would never do that. I'm just
-Yes, ma'am.
-Penny, why?
Why? She's scared.
And, quite frankly, so am I.
We don't know anything about those people
that they have her staying with.
That's the point of the exchange, Oscar.
And you, of all people,
should know better.
I know you weren't raised that way.
Yes, he was. I would never let my children
spend the night with people I didn't know.
Thank you, Mama.
Not that anyone ever invited Oscar over.
Well, Penny is my daughter and
Excuse me, our daughter.
(roars)
I mean, your daughter.
Look, Penny,
I know you don't understand
why you must do this,
but I guarantee you,
by the end of the week,
it'll all be clear to you.
-But, Mama
-No buts.
You're going, and that's that.
Now, go pack your things.
Yes, Mommy dearest.
And you two ought to be ashamed
of yourselves.
It's her fault. She raised me.
(roars)
(whimpers)
Ooh, I can't wait
to get to the Chang's house.
It's the first time
I'll have a room to myself
since I was in my mother's womb.
Well, the Wizard is sending a limo
to pick me up.
I hope it's the limo my mom drives,
'cause then she'll have
to take orders from me.
I swear,
if I wasn't on the honor roll, I'd quit.
There's no way I would have signed up
to stay at the Gross sisters' house.
I'll trade with you.
And hide this beautiful face
from the world
under one of those Afghani scarves?
I don't think so.
The Zameens are from Pakistan,
not Afghanistan.
So you must be from Shortmanistan, huh?
No. I'm from Icanastand.
I-can-a-stand you.
(girls laugh)
Okay, children, parents.
It's time to do our culture exchange.
-Quiet now.
-(all chattering)
I said quiet,
you future hamburger flippers!
Thank you.
I would like to say,
that the cultural exchange
will be an experience,
that will not only enrich you
and your families,
but the entire world,
because whether we are red
or yellow or black or white,
we are all special in His sight.
So, enjoy this week
of cross-culturalization
and realization,
and hopefully we'll come together
as a better nation.
Have a nice time, y'all.
Ugh.
(knock at door)
Welcome to our home.
Dang, LaCienega been holding out.
There's some crazy loot up in this mug.
You do know I'm a police officer,
don't you?
Yeah, but you can't stay awake 2-4.
(cackling)
(Mr. Gross) Um, hey, baby, I'm home.
I've got our new worker
(clears throat)
I mean, child.
(laughs)
My bad.
Oh, hello, child.
You're here just in time.
We're putting a new roof on the house.
So, what do you want me to do?
This whole thing.
Now get a move on. Winter's coming, girl.
and you better change out
of those frilly little clothes.
(wailing)
(Dijonay) My own room,
and it's just me, it's just me! Oh, my!
Hey, "Just Me."
Instead of hip-hopping around the room,
you need to hip-hop on these books.
What are you talking about, Mr. Chang?
I met with your teacher today.
You're failing math.
You're tripping. I got a "B" in math.
No, you're tripping.
In this house, "B" means
"Better work harder to get an 'A.'"
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
I took you out of that easy Algebra class.
From now on, you'll take calculus.
Ooh, my grandmother just got rid of hers.
She used a pumice stone.
I said calculus, not calluses.
(baby crying)
Now, kids, behave while me and your daddy
go grocery shopping.
Since Dijonay is not here,
the Chang triplets are in charge.
(all grumbling)
Excuse me, Mrs. Jones.
You're not going to leave us alone
with them, are you?
Oh, don't worry, sweetie,
they're harmless.
Look, you better take this number here.
The police department, paramedics, oh-oh,
and the fire department.
Oh, come on, Carmel.
The movie starts at 8:00.
I mean, that the grocery store
closes at 8:00.
Come on, woman.
-Bye, babies.
-Bye, y'all.
Okay. Who wants me to read them a story?
We don't want no silly stories.
We want to wrestle. Let's get 'em.
Calm down. Sit down.
(fighting, blows thudding)
How you doing, Little Wiz?
Why is it so crowded up here?
Because all the room is back here, y'all.
(clears throat)
A few rules, Susie.
My name is Zoey.
Like I said, Susie,
there are a few rules.
Firstly, never correct the Wizard.
Secondly, never correct the Wizard,
and thirdly,
because of your poor attitude,
the Wizard will be forced to dock
your weekly allowance $500.
What? I don't have
Which will leave you
with the paltry sum of $500.
$500?
Is that tax free?
That brings up
the most important rule of all:
The Wizard never pays taxes.
-High five, y'all.
-Hey!
(Trudy) Radika, sweetheart,
what are you doing?
I'm preparing dinner for Mr. Proud.
-Why?
-Well, in my home,
dinner is my responsibility.
That's nice of you, Radika,
but the point of this exchange
is for you to experience
a different culture,
and in this household,
the woman is in charge.
That's because in this house,
the woman makes the money, Radika.
Watch, Radika, and learn.
Oscar!
Yes, dear?
-I'm hungry.
-Takeout or home cooked?
-Home cooked.
-Italian or Chinese?
I think I'm feeling a little
Mediterranean/French cuisine today.
Coming right up.
I don't understand.
If Mr. Proud is cooking dinner,
then what do we do?
Every American girl's favorite pastime:
(both) Shopping!
(laughing)
Okay.
(laughing)
Uh, I wouldn't do that
if I were you, Mr. Zameen.
Oh, so you know how to play chess, Penny.
Well, I know a little something,
something, yes.
Then you know to never offer advice
unless you're asked.
Okay.
No fun to be had over here, either.
Checkmate!
You should've listened to her.
Mrs. Zameen, is Mr. Zameen in a bad mood?
Bad mood?
No. He's in a good mood today.
In fact, he's downright peppy.
He's real excited that you're here.
Oh, my bad.
I'll have to mistake
being in a bad mood for excited.
So, what are you making?
Something for you.
Really?
Oh, what a nice tablecloth. Thanks.
(chuckles)
It's not a tablecloth.
It's a hijab.
-A who what?
-A hijab.
It's a traditional headdress.
All Pakistani women and girls wear them.
I'm supposed to wear this on my head?
Only if you want.
I wear mine because I would rather
be judged for who I am,
not necessarily how I look.
Besides, it's the perfect thing to wear
when you're having a bad hair day.
(chuckling)
Well, if it's okay with you,
I'd rather go hijab-less.
So, when do we eat dinner? I'm hungry.
(laughing)
What'd I say?
What's so funny?
(chuckles)
It's Ramadan, Penny.
We fast.
Is that fast, as in we must eat quickly?
(chuckling)
No.
It's fast, as in we must not eat at all.
(laughing)
Oh, man.
(stomach growling)
(Dijonay) I thought I'd never say this,
but I want to go home.
I hate to tell you this, Changs,
but your daddy is hard core.
He's making me learn calculus.
Well, you need calculus just to figure out
how many brothers and sisters you have.
Yeah, all we do at your house is babysit.
What are you guys complaining about?
I just finished patching a roof.
And tomorrow,
we're putting in a septic tank.
No wonder the Gross sisters
are always angry.
I feel like jacking someone myself.
(groans)
Come on, guys, you're missing the point.
The whole purpose
of this cultural exchange
is to enrich our lives.
I know I have $500 worth
of tax-free enrichment, y'all.
Where did you get that?
It's my allowance.
You get an allowance?
I'm not even allowed to eat.
Uh, who are you?
It's me, Penny, Dijonay.
It is?
I didn't recognize you with that
double-wide doo rag on your head.
Well, when your head is double wide,
what else would you have on?
(fake chuckle)
For your information,
it's a hijab.
No, it's a "who cares."
I care. Why do you have that on?
I'm having a bad hair day, okay.
Heck, I'm having a bad hair week.
And it's about to get badder.
¿Tu sabes que tu tienes que hacer?
Manos par arriba, dinero afuera.
What?
Yo, LaCienega.
She said, "you know the drill.
Hands up, cash out."
(groaning and grumbling)
What about you, Erykah Badu?
-I know you're holding.
-I don't have anything.
I haven't even eaten in the past two days.
My pockets and my stomach are empty.
Okay, okay, just for that,
next time, everybody pays double.
Oh, by the way, LaCienega,
your poppy, he one cool dude.
(Nubia) He teaching us Spanish.
So now we can jack
in two different languages.
(laughs like Papi)
-Thank you!
-Thanks, girl.
If you weren't wearing this hijab,
we would've gotten hi-jacked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right now I'm hi-hungry.
-They're not feeding you?
-Not during the daylight.
It's Ramadan
and they fast from sun-up to sundown.
So what's the big deal?
You just eat before the sun comes up
and after it goes down.
Yeah, that may look nice on paper,
but when you're real hungry,
you tend to pass out.
(Dijonay) Only thing that can wake you up,
is a bright light, like the sun.
I'm telling you,
the Zameens are plain weird.
The daddy never smiles.
The mama does nothing but smile
and sew all day.
And everybody else just sits around the TV
and watches soap operas,
and cricket matches
broadcast in Urdu.
Don't ask, okay, don't ask.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna try and get
three square meals in
before my next class.
Out of my way!
Hello there, Miss Proud.
Don't you look spiffy in your hijab.
No, I look hungry, Mr. Webb.
Oh, yes. It's Ramadan.
You know, Ramadan
is the most important holiday
in the Zameen household.
And for them to invite you
into their home at this time
is very special.
You should feel honored, Penny.
-I'd rather feel full.
-I see.
Are you familiar with the saying,
"When in Rome, do as the Romans do"?
Yes, Mr. Webb.
Then you know you need
to take advantage of your time
with the Zameen family.
It's like my mama used to say,
"You can't say you don't like it
until you've tried it."
Mmm, this is good. Uh
Are you sure you want that burger?
Here, Mr. Webb, you can have it.
Thank you.
(Oscar) Mmm.
Good.
Hey, Radika,
come here, I want your opinion.
My opinion? About what, Mr. Proud?
My new and improved Proud Diversity Snack.
Uh-uh, don't do it, Radika.
It's laced with pork byproducts.
You're the only pork byproduct
around here, Mama.
Her nickname in high school
used to be Baby Back.
Ow!
Look, don't listen to her, Radika.
I anticipated this cultural obstacle.
I used turkey rinds, instead of pork.
Now, tell me what you think.
You really want to know what I think?
Yes.
Mmm. Hmm.
This is good.
Well, look, this is a work in progress,
you know.
I'm getting ready to fix it so that
What?
Did you say it's good?
Yeah, mmm. In fact, it's real good.
-You really mean it?
-Yes, but of course
I've been fasting for the past 28 days.
I don't care.
An endorsement is an endorsement.
Trudy, I told you
I had a good feeling about this kid.
Radika, I was thinking
we could sprinkle them
with some powdered sugar.
What do you think about that?
That's a great idea.
What would you do, Penny?
Knight to queen's four.
Really?
Trust me.
Checkmate.
That's not fair. You cheated.
Penny helped you.
That's not cheating,
We are a team. Aren't we, Penny?
That's right.
Okay, who's ready to eat?
Not me.
Why not, Penny?
Well, you know what they say,
"When in Rome, do as the Romans."
And since you're fasting, so am I.
I appreciate your commitment, Penny.
But tonight, we're eating.
Ramadan is officially over.
Yes!
All right, Iqbal,
we better get to the restaurant
before your cousin.
You know,
how do you young people say it, Penny?
He can really get his grub on.
She's right, he eats like a starving dog.
Let's go, Penny.
Who are all these people?
Oh, family and friends.
In fact, I think you might know
a few of them.
Mom, Daddy, Suga Mama,
what are you guys doing here?
Well, now, Radika invited us over
to this shindig.
Hey, Radika.
Look at my baby.
Penny, what's that on your head?
It's a hijab.
That's something you need to find, Oscar,
a job.
(cackles)
No, it's a head scarf.
It promotes modesty
and deflects the interest of boys.
Oh, a good idea.
We need to get one of those, Trudy.
So what's your party about, Radika?
Well, at the end of Ramadan,
we celebrate Eid Al Fitr,
the Feast of Fast Breaking.
You mean,
this is a room full of hungry people?
That's the Proud Snax target demo.
Mr. Chips, set up the booth.
Uh-oh, I see my cousin at the buffet.
We better fast break over there
before we are just fasting again.
Hi. I'm Said.
Would you like to dance?
I'm sorry,
but I'm about to get my grub on.
Ooh, right after we dance.
(dance music playing)
(excited chattering)
Wow.
Look, everybody.
(gasps)
-(Mrs. Zameen) Who would do that?
-(Oscar) What the?
Oh, no.
(Nubia) But what we dug most
about staying with the Boulevardez family,
was that me and my sisters
learned a new language,
which promises to open some exciting
new business opportunities.
And I'd like to announce today,
that the Gross sisters
are going international.
The whole world is going to be paying up.
Yeah.
-(light applause)
-Thank you, Nubia.
I'm sure your opportunities
will be abundant.
Next up,
Penny Proud.
(applause)
Before I moved in with the Zameens,
I thought like a lot of you guys.
They're weird,
they're different, they're not like us.
And I was right.
And the more I got to know them,
the stranger they became.
And before I knew it,
they were exactly like my family,
truly bizarre.
Why is she calling us bizarre?
Have you looked in the mirror lately?
But they're exactly
like all of our families.
(Penny) Little brothers and sisters
that get on your nerves,
a father that's too protective,
a grandparent
that sleeps in front of the TV,
and a mom that keeps everything together.
And if you know that,
you could never write on their door
"Go back to your country.
America for Americans."
You just couldn't do it.
(applause)
Anyway,
that's all I wanted to say.
Peace.