The Weekenders (2000) s02e23 Episode Script
Talent Show
You don't have any major illnesses I
should know about, do ya?
No fear, I've had all my shots.
Hey, it's Tino.
So today's hang on.
There's this talent show on Sunday,
and I'm really lookin' forward to it.
I don't want to be in it, but it's a great
chance to see people you know on stage.
Making total jerks of themselves!
What could be better?
So, you gonna try out for the talent show?
Nah, after my show-stopping
number last year,
I wanna retire while I'm at the top.
Lor, you okay?
No, Mr Hassenfeld wants me to
try out for the talent show.
Apple me.
He said performing would help my poor
people skills.
All this just 'caiuse I
glued one kid to the wall!
Dude! Way to save me some.
What am I gonna do?
Hey!
I can't come up!
I'm wearin' my good clogs!
Right, comin' down.
What's with Lor?
She has to try out for the talent show,
and she's kind of freakin'.
I'm trying out, too!
I'm gonna recite the
works of John Dunn
while accompanying myself
with a haunting dulcimer rendition
of Ethiopian folk tunes!
What, that old routine?
You okay, Lor?
You seem a little anxious.
No, I always shake like this.
It keeps me fit.
So what's your plan?
Not to throw up.
Great plan.
Run with it.
I guess I'll just sing the only song
I know all the way through:
"Home on the Range."
Lor, I have total confidence in you.
You're loaded with talent!
You're gonna be great!
Now, onward to glory~
Woohoohoooo!
I. Am. In!
I'm so happy for you.
This is great.
I can't believe you both made it.
Yeah!
Oh, um, actually
I.
Didn't.
Lor got into the talent show,
and you didn't.
Man, it's like the crazy backwards
universe.
Where cats chase dogs and sitcoms are
funny.
Tish, I'm really sorry you didn't
Don't be sorry.
It's fine.
I'm not upset!
Then why are you yelling?
I have a headache.
I I'm cranky because I have a headache.
Ow!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have
to start rehearsing for next year.
And by the way, Lor!
It is not where the deer
and the cantaloupe play!
Good thing she's not upset.
Yeah, good thing.
So, should I stick with "Lor",
or should I pick a stage name?
Something real cool like
Shazzy Zang!
I think I could promise you that if you call
yourself "Shazzy Zang",
we will never stop laughing.
Dad, guess what?
Not now.
I've got a disposal to fix.
But this is great news.
I tried out for the talent show,
and I'm in!
That's great, sugar.
You must be so excited.
Just think of it.
You'll be standing up there all alone.
Everyone's starin' at you, waitin' for you
to do something great.
Their eyes boring into you with a
white-hot intensity of welding torches.
I really wish you'd have done
that in the other sink, darlin'.
Okay.
My sandwich is crying.
Mine winked at me.
How are the seafood sandwiches,
guys?
I think mine wants to go back to the sea.
Whoa, dude.
Way to burn out the disposal.
Lor, what are you doin' here?
Panicking?
Guys, there's no way I can do the show
tomorrow.
It's okay.
We'll help you.
Thanks, guys.
I needed a good laugh.
Why can't we help you?
I mean, sure, Tino's pretty clueless.
Hey.
But I stopped the show
with my act last year.
You knocked over a light
and set the stage on fire.
Which stopped the show, like I said.
Is this fruit, or
some kind of aquatic life?
Well, if you don't want our help,
maybe we should go get Tish.
Yeah, she can help me for sure.
What do you mean you can't help me?
I'm sick.
You're not jealous 'cause Lor got
in the show and you didn't, are ya?
Of course not!
How could I be jealous?
I don't have a jealous bone in my body.
Um, do you have any jealous internal
organs?
No.
Tish, you're the
only one who can help Lor.
You have all the qualifications.
Talent, creativity, and a desire to tell
people how to run their lives.
I'm sick.
Come on, guys.
We shouldn't bother her while she's sick.
We're ready when you are, Ms McQuarrie.
Hum.. home home,
Home on the range ♪
where the deer and the canteloupe -- ♪
Antelope!
Err, antelope play~
Whereseldomisheard! ♪
Ehhnh!!!
Stop.
You know, maybe we
should try something different.
I have a synthesizer program on my computer
that'll play different riffs and stuff.
That's great!
Let's try hip hop.
Home, home, homie on the range.
On the range! ♪
Ehhnh!
Wrong.
Let's try heavy metal.
Home, home on the range!
Where the deer and the canta.. antelope, play~ ♪
Ehhnh!
Wrong.
I'm not jealous.
I'm not.
How could I jealous of Lor?
She's my friend.
And I know I have talent.
Oh, beware my Lord, of jealousy.
It is the green-eyed monster,
which doth mock the meat it feeds on.
Shakespeare is talking to me.
And I don't understand a word of it.
Right.
Let me make it clearer.
Hang on.
Ah, much better.
Tish, Lor needs you.
You're going to go on feeling miserable
until you ditch your jealousy and help her.
That didn't sound very Shakespearean.
Oh.
Alright.
How about this?
Until foul envy shackles, you cast off.
Peace be not thine,
nor friendship's air be true.
Whoa.
That was pretty good.
Well, it ought to be.
You dreamt it.
He's right.
I have to help Lor.
Thanks, Will!
Home, home on the range.. ♪
Where the deer
in the canta ♪
Antelope! Antelope, antelope,
antelope, antelope.
Maybe I should play it for laughs.
They're just going to laugh at me anyway.
No, they're not.
Tish.
Are you feeling better?
I'm feeling great.
Now let's see what we can
do about this song o' yours.
What are you lookin' for?
I know I saw you wear it
on Rodeo Day at the mall.
Ah ha!
Perfect!
Now.
Is there a guitar around here?
These bits of tape will show you
where to put your fingers.
Just keep strumming this one chord.
Okay, if you have to do that,
do it at the end.
And then, go like this.
Do rei mi fa so la ti do. ♪
Look, we're gonna be doing this for hours,
and it won't get any more interesting.
So you might as well go right to the
talent show.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 23rd
annual Bahia Bay Middle School Talent Show.
Tish, I really appreciate you helping me
out, especially when you were sick and all.
I wasn't sick, Lor.
I was jealous.
I wanted to be in the show
so badly, and you didn't.
And it just seemed unfair.
Well, I'm glad you got over it.
Hey, you wanna go on instead of me?
'Cause, I'd super be okay with that!
No, uh-uh!
I want you to go out there
and knock their socks off!
Okay!
You gonna throw up?
You bet I am!
Next up, Bluke Schpenderman
and his Incredible Flying Hams!
From what we've seen of Lor's act,
this could be her
biggest humiliation
since the infamous
underwear incident.
And now, Lor MacQuarrie, with that ol'
favourite, "Home on the Range."
Thank.. thank you.
Home, home on the range ♪
Where the deer and the, antelope play ♪
Where seldom is heard,
a discouraging word ♪
And the skies are
not cloudy all day~ ♪
Yeah!
Second place is great!
You should be proud!
I am.
I just can't believe I lost to a guy
who threw hams in the air?
Congratulations!
Man, you were terrific!
Not that I'm taking credit, but I noticed
you use one of my moves I suggested.
Yeah.
What move?
The one where you leave
the stage at the end?
Very professional.
Come on, guys.
I want pizza.
I want video games.
And I want out of this cowgirl outfit.
I guess now Tish knows
that all being jealous does
is make you miserable and
mess up your friendships.
And, Lor, well, I think this experience
actually did help her people's skills.
You bet.
And if anyone says different,
I'll glue them to the wall.
Right.
Come on.
Say it with me.
Later days.
should know about, do ya?
No fear, I've had all my shots.
Hey, it's Tino.
So today's hang on.
There's this talent show on Sunday,
and I'm really lookin' forward to it.
I don't want to be in it, but it's a great
chance to see people you know on stage.
Making total jerks of themselves!
What could be better?
So, you gonna try out for the talent show?
Nah, after my show-stopping
number last year,
I wanna retire while I'm at the top.
Lor, you okay?
No, Mr Hassenfeld wants me to
try out for the talent show.
Apple me.
He said performing would help my poor
people skills.
All this just 'caiuse I
glued one kid to the wall!
Dude! Way to save me some.
What am I gonna do?
Hey!
I can't come up!
I'm wearin' my good clogs!
Right, comin' down.
What's with Lor?
She has to try out for the talent show,
and she's kind of freakin'.
I'm trying out, too!
I'm gonna recite the
works of John Dunn
while accompanying myself
with a haunting dulcimer rendition
of Ethiopian folk tunes!
What, that old routine?
You okay, Lor?
You seem a little anxious.
No, I always shake like this.
It keeps me fit.
So what's your plan?
Not to throw up.
Great plan.
Run with it.
I guess I'll just sing the only song
I know all the way through:
"Home on the Range."
Lor, I have total confidence in you.
You're loaded with talent!
You're gonna be great!
Now, onward to glory~
Woohoohoooo!
I. Am. In!
I'm so happy for you.
This is great.
I can't believe you both made it.
Yeah!
Oh, um, actually
I.
Didn't.
Lor got into the talent show,
and you didn't.
Man, it's like the crazy backwards
universe.
Where cats chase dogs and sitcoms are
funny.
Tish, I'm really sorry you didn't
Don't be sorry.
It's fine.
I'm not upset!
Then why are you yelling?
I have a headache.
I I'm cranky because I have a headache.
Ow!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have
to start rehearsing for next year.
And by the way, Lor!
It is not where the deer
and the cantaloupe play!
Good thing she's not upset.
Yeah, good thing.
So, should I stick with "Lor",
or should I pick a stage name?
Something real cool like
Shazzy Zang!
I think I could promise you that if you call
yourself "Shazzy Zang",
we will never stop laughing.
Dad, guess what?
Not now.
I've got a disposal to fix.
But this is great news.
I tried out for the talent show,
and I'm in!
That's great, sugar.
You must be so excited.
Just think of it.
You'll be standing up there all alone.
Everyone's starin' at you, waitin' for you
to do something great.
Their eyes boring into you with a
white-hot intensity of welding torches.
I really wish you'd have done
that in the other sink, darlin'.
Okay.
My sandwich is crying.
Mine winked at me.
How are the seafood sandwiches,
guys?
I think mine wants to go back to the sea.
Whoa, dude.
Way to burn out the disposal.
Lor, what are you doin' here?
Panicking?
Guys, there's no way I can do the show
tomorrow.
It's okay.
We'll help you.
Thanks, guys.
I needed a good laugh.
Why can't we help you?
I mean, sure, Tino's pretty clueless.
Hey.
But I stopped the show
with my act last year.
You knocked over a light
and set the stage on fire.
Which stopped the show, like I said.
Is this fruit, or
some kind of aquatic life?
Well, if you don't want our help,
maybe we should go get Tish.
Yeah, she can help me for sure.
What do you mean you can't help me?
I'm sick.
You're not jealous 'cause Lor got
in the show and you didn't, are ya?
Of course not!
How could I be jealous?
I don't have a jealous bone in my body.
Um, do you have any jealous internal
organs?
No.
Tish, you're the
only one who can help Lor.
You have all the qualifications.
Talent, creativity, and a desire to tell
people how to run their lives.
I'm sick.
Come on, guys.
We shouldn't bother her while she's sick.
We're ready when you are, Ms McQuarrie.
Hum.. home home,
Home on the range ♪
where the deer and the canteloupe -- ♪
Antelope!
Err, antelope play~
Whereseldomisheard! ♪
Ehhnh!!!
Stop.
You know, maybe we
should try something different.
I have a synthesizer program on my computer
that'll play different riffs and stuff.
That's great!
Let's try hip hop.
Home, home, homie on the range.
On the range! ♪
Ehhnh!
Wrong.
Let's try heavy metal.
Home, home on the range!
Where the deer and the canta.. antelope, play~ ♪
Ehhnh!
Wrong.
I'm not jealous.
I'm not.
How could I jealous of Lor?
She's my friend.
And I know I have talent.
Oh, beware my Lord, of jealousy.
It is the green-eyed monster,
which doth mock the meat it feeds on.
Shakespeare is talking to me.
And I don't understand a word of it.
Right.
Let me make it clearer.
Hang on.
Ah, much better.
Tish, Lor needs you.
You're going to go on feeling miserable
until you ditch your jealousy and help her.
That didn't sound very Shakespearean.
Oh.
Alright.
How about this?
Until foul envy shackles, you cast off.
Peace be not thine,
nor friendship's air be true.
Whoa.
That was pretty good.
Well, it ought to be.
You dreamt it.
He's right.
I have to help Lor.
Thanks, Will!
Home, home on the range.. ♪
Where the deer
in the canta ♪
Antelope! Antelope, antelope,
antelope, antelope.
Maybe I should play it for laughs.
They're just going to laugh at me anyway.
No, they're not.
Tish.
Are you feeling better?
I'm feeling great.
Now let's see what we can
do about this song o' yours.
What are you lookin' for?
I know I saw you wear it
on Rodeo Day at the mall.
Ah ha!
Perfect!
Now.
Is there a guitar around here?
These bits of tape will show you
where to put your fingers.
Just keep strumming this one chord.
Okay, if you have to do that,
do it at the end.
And then, go like this.
Do rei mi fa so la ti do. ♪
Look, we're gonna be doing this for hours,
and it won't get any more interesting.
So you might as well go right to the
talent show.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 23rd
annual Bahia Bay Middle School Talent Show.
Tish, I really appreciate you helping me
out, especially when you were sick and all.
I wasn't sick, Lor.
I was jealous.
I wanted to be in the show
so badly, and you didn't.
And it just seemed unfair.
Well, I'm glad you got over it.
Hey, you wanna go on instead of me?
'Cause, I'd super be okay with that!
No, uh-uh!
I want you to go out there
and knock their socks off!
Okay!
You gonna throw up?
You bet I am!
Next up, Bluke Schpenderman
and his Incredible Flying Hams!
From what we've seen of Lor's act,
this could be her
biggest humiliation
since the infamous
underwear incident.
And now, Lor MacQuarrie, with that ol'
favourite, "Home on the Range."
Thank.. thank you.
Home, home on the range ♪
Where the deer and the, antelope play ♪
Where seldom is heard,
a discouraging word ♪
And the skies are
not cloudy all day~ ♪
Yeah!
Second place is great!
You should be proud!
I am.
I just can't believe I lost to a guy
who threw hams in the air?
Congratulations!
Man, you were terrific!
Not that I'm taking credit, but I noticed
you use one of my moves I suggested.
Yeah.
What move?
The one where you leave
the stage at the end?
Very professional.
Come on, guys.
I want pizza.
I want video games.
And I want out of this cowgirl outfit.
I guess now Tish knows
that all being jealous does
is make you miserable and
mess up your friendships.
And, Lor, well, I think this experience
actually did help her people's skills.
You bet.
And if anyone says different,
I'll glue them to the wall.
Right.
Come on.
Say it with me.
Later days.