Big City Greens (2018) s02e24 Episode Script

[theme song plays]
One, two,
One-two-three-four ♪
[vocalizing]
[chicken clucks]
So, Kiki, Remy didn't tell you
what this is about either?
Nah. He just sent this raven
with an invitation that says,
"Arrive at nightfall
with naught
but your adventuring spirit."
-[both] Same.
-[all gasp]
-[crows caw]
-Master Remy is expecting you.
Follow me.
[all] Ooh!
[Remy]
Welcome, travelers--
To the world of--
-[clears throat] Vasquez?
-[chair squeaks]
Mages and Mazes!
-[all] Wow!
-I don't know what that is.
-I'm confused.
-You guys!
It's Mages and Mazes!
It's a fantasy game where you
create the adventure together!
Very astute, Kiki!
Mages and Mazes
isn't your typical board game.
I dunno--
Paper, tiny numbers--
This game seems complicated,
Remy.
Yeah, are there
a bunch of rules?
Leave the rules to me.
I, your Mage Master,
will lead you through
a magical fantasy world
of my own creation.
We'll have fun, trust me!
Sound good?
-[all] Yeah!
-Where do we start?
First, you gotta
create your heroes.
I wanna be Bufflegs McSwole!
He's a fearsome fighter that
can take out hordes of enemies
by kicking them in the shins!
-Huh?
-[jabbering]
Eeh, kyah! Kyah! Kyah!
Ah!
Heh.
This is my hero,
Diamondbow The Dazzler.
She's a beautiful elf ranger
with plus-ten dexterity,
who can take out an army
of skyborne apes
with a single arrow!
[screeching] Ah!
Ooh! What do you think
of my character?
Schmalfo! He's a wizard
that knows every single spell
but chooses only to use the one
that turns him into a cat.
Schmalfo!
-I love him.
-Oh, thank goodness!
Excellent! Now, we can
jump right into the adventure!
[clears throat]
Our story begins
in the bustling hamlet
of Big Village.
[all]
Ooh!
[Remy] So, heroes,
what do you do first?
-What can we do?
-[Remy] Anything you want!
Are there any rocks around?
-Let me check.
-[rolls dice]
There are seven rocks.
Nice! I'm gonna kick this rock!
Wait! First,
you'll have to roll this dice.
It'll help me decide
how well you do.
Oh, okay. Here we go!
All right, a two!
So, what does that mean?
Like, two miles?
Well, not exactly.
Unh! What?!
Them's the rules, Cricket.
[gulps]
The dice decide if we succeed
or fail miserably.
[groans]
Well, I kick it again!
How about I move us along so
we don't get sidetracked.
Off in the distance, your party
spots a grizzled old warrior
whose heart is
laden with secrets.
But he doesn't seem to be
in a talking mood.
[zips]
Ooh, mysterious!
I roll a persuasion check
to see if I can
get him to talk.
[rattles]
[gasps]
A perfect twenty!
The highest roll
an adventurer can achieve!
The old warrior
spills his guts!
I wet my pantaloons
'til I was nine.
I just wear this eyepatch
to look cool.
And directly to the North
of here lies a cave,
inhabited by a fearsome,
treasure hoarding dragon.
Oh! We go to the cave
to see the dragon!
Wait, what?
[all]
Ooh!
[Remy]
Whoa, slow down, guys!
I love the enthusiasm,
but the old warrior
wasn't finished talking.
[all]
Huh?
[all]
Aww.
[clears throat]
As I was saying,
You'd be a fool to
venture into that cave
without first exploring
the Mystical Forest.
So, where shall you venture?
We go back to the cave!
[all]
Yeah!
[sighs]
[Remy] After a short journey,
you arrive, once more,
at the mouth
of the dragon's cavern.
-How do you proceed?
- I charge in!
Would you like to check
for traps before entering?
What? Traps?!
Who'd put traps in a cave?
-I charge in!
-Okay
Bufflegs charges
into the cavern,
oblivious to the bucket of bees
falling from the ceiling.
-[buzzing]
-[Bufflegs] Aah!
Why would this be here?!
-I tried to warn you.
-[Cricket groans]
I'll roll to look for traps.
I'm there for moral support.
Eighteen!
Ooh, nice roll!
-You don't see any traps.
-[both] Ah!
A pit?! I should've seen that!
Sorry, according to the rules,
you needed a nineteen
to see that trap.
-What?!
-Argh!
These rules
are way too strict!
Trust your Maze Master.
I know things seem
challenging now,
but you'll be having a blast
by the end, you'll see!
Okay, I fish my friends out
of the pit and we keep moving.
Let the dungeon crawl continue!
A muck monster approaches
your party. What do you do?
I kick it in the shins!
[Remy] Muck Monster
is immune to physical attacks.
-How is that fair? Ow!
-[roars]
[Remy]
You approach a large chasm.
with no way to go around.
I turn into a kitty cat
and I leap across!
All right, roll
and see if you make it.
-[rattles]
-Uh, fifteen?
[sucks in breath]
Ooh!
You'd need a sixteen
to make it across.
-[Schmalfo] Meow, no!
-Really?!
[Remy] A mysterious
demon-o-lock covers the door.
How do you proceed?
I use the demon-o-key
we found earlier!
[Remy] Excellent work,
but unfortunately,
you don't have a key
for the secondary lock.
Ugh, Remy!
This is pointless,
I kick the door!
-[snarls, chomps]
-Aah!
-Something wrong, Cricket?
-Yeah, bruh!
This maze is busted!
It's our first game and you're
not cutting us any slack.
Can I come out
of the chasm, yet?
The rules say you cannot.
I can't take it much longer!
If I don't get to
kick someone in the shins,
I'm gonna lose my mind!
Okay, okay, let me skip ahead
to something more exciting.
And so, after countless hours
of exploration,
you find your way to
a cavern filled with treasures.
At the center of the cave,
nestled atop
a massive pile of riches,
you see a giant gem
of glittering green.
Oh, it's just sittin'
right there, huh?
What's the catch?
[Remy]
Not so fast, tiny intruders!
For you have entered the realm
of Remulox the Mighty!
All right! This is
startin' to get good!
[Remy]
If you want this emerald,
then you have no choice
but to
Finally, a fight!
-Roll to solve my riddle!
-Huh?
What do you call cheese
that isn't yours?
Oof! Hey! What are you
doing down there?
I'm sick of all these rules!
I'm goin' rogue!
I kick the dragon in the shins!
Hey, you have to roll for that!
I'm tired of the confines
of this world!
Ow! What the heck, Kiki?
I am also mad because there
hasn't been enough
cat stuff to do!
Gah! Yah! Ha!
Hey! Stop that! Ow!
You said we'd have fun
in this game!
You lied, Remy! You lied!
You guys are the ones
not playing it right!
If you don't wanna
play by the rules,
then just play without me!
[panting]
Where to Master Remy?
The Fortress of Despair!
-Your bedroom, it is.
-[slams]
So, is the game over?
Nope! With Remy gone,
we can finally do
whatever we want.
No dice, no rules.
With the dragon gone,
our heroes easily
claim the emerald as their own!
-All right!
-Whoo-hoo!
[Cricket] Just then, a whole
army of lizard men show up!
[hisses]
I take 'em all out
with one hit!
Aah!
[Cricket]
And get buffer, as a result!
[Kiki] Diamondbow
gains magical powers!
[lizard screams]
[Kiki] And usurps
the Lizard King's throne!
And I transform
into a kitty cat!
Nice work, everyone!
We did it!
-Meow what?
-I don't know.
We did everything
we wanted to do.
Oh! Remy's got
a bunch of notes back here.
Maybe he's got
another adventure.
Wow, he's got tons of ideas!
He did this all himself?
[gasps] Bufflegs
has a long lost brother?!
Buffarms?! We weren't
supposed to find that out
for another twelve sessions!
Gee, he really worked hard
on all this.
Yeah. This got boring
real fast without Remy.
-[groans]
-What's wrong?
Too many snacks?
[Cricket]
No, it's just the guilt.
-Hmm.
-Wait!
I know what we have to do.
We're goin' on
one more adventure--
To get our Maze Master back!
The Remy way!
A staircase leading
to the unknown.
I roll to see
how many steps I can take.
All right, fifteen!
Schmalfo's turn.
Seventeen! Meow! Meow!
Come on, Bufflegs!
One?! Urgh!
One. Urgh!
One. Hmph!
One. One. One!
-Gah! What is it?
-Eighteen.
Oh, now I get the eighteen!
Urgh, let's go.
A dark hallway
of doors and treasures.
It's hard to see down there.
Diamondbow!
Right!
[makes zooming noise]
The Maze Master's lair
is right up ahead!
Now, let's roll!
[effort grunts]
[effort grunts]
[all gasp]
Master Remy said no visitors.
Oh, yeah? Then, I guess
we'll just have to roll for--
-Persuasion!
-Hah!
Three perfect twenties?!
I. Am. Defeated!
[moaning]
[slurps, smacks lips]
-[Cricket] Maze Master!
-Cricket?
We are here to
return you to your throne!
Aah! Wh-wh-wha?!
The maze is no fun
without your expert guidance.
Also, we miss you.
I thought you didn't wanna
play my way.
We played your way all the way
here and it was awesome!
Except for when
I kept rolling ones.
But the challenge is what made
the victory so much more sweet!
Look, Remy,
while the game does need
your well thought-out world
and weirdly specific rules,
it also needs to be flexible
for the players to have fun.
The game needs everybody
to work.
We all control the story,
together.
Huh. I guess I never considered
how strict of a Maze Master
I was being.
Whaddaya say
we finish up that maze?
I'm in!
Now, let's show that dragon
who's boss, together!
So, puny mortals!
You cannot fight me
until you answer my riddle.
What do you call cheese
that isn't yours?
[all]
Nacho cheese!
Urgh! You figured it out!
Now, let's finish this,
once and for all!
-Huh?
-Here comes Schmalfo!
-Hachahachahacha!
-Aah!
-Hyah!
-[clangs]
-[crashing]
-Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Your attacks
have weakened me,
leaving my shins
completely exposed.
[gasps] Remy!
Shin kick!
Aah!
[Remy]
You obtain the emerald!
What will you do with
such a magnificent treasure?
I'ma smash it.
Smash it? But the rules say--
Well, actually,
Bufflegs,
Diamondbow and Schmalfo
decide to break the emerald,
but know not
the risk of doing so
[Cricket, Tilly, Kiki]
Ooh!
Schmalfo, Schmalfo!
That's the end!
-[buzzing]
-[distant singing]
The Green family
singing karaoke?
This will certainly be
a delight.
I can't wait to sing,
and by sing, I mean,
make fart noises into the mic.
Like so--
-[deep inhale]
-No, Cricket.
Remy, I'm a little surprised
you wanted to join us.
-Do you like singing?
-Uh-huh!
I sometimes sneak out of
choir lessons and come here
to practice my
ecclesiastical songs, instead.
Naughty, Remy.
Wow, I can't wait sing.
Yeah!
I'm itchin' for that limelight!
Well, Ma,
we gotta wait our turn.
I got the programmer!
I had to fight someone! Had to
pull out the ol' chompers.
[chomps]
So, who's ready to pick a song?
Whoa! Hold on there,
little guru.
Picking a karaoke song
is no careless task.
Uh, who are you?
Why, I'm Kara Karaoke.
And I own this
little slice of Shangri-la.
Karaoke is one of the purest
forms of self-expression.
It fosters a sense of
community and belonging.
So, dear family, choose wisely
[singing]
and find where you belong!
Find where I belong?
Oh, my, my, my, my
Uh-oh. I'm hearing some
my-mying?
-my, my--
-[Nancy] Till?
Sorry, Mama, I'm just feeling
an awful lot of pressure
to find my perfect song.
There are just so many options.
Do I belong in pop?
Hip hop? Medieval folk rock?
What if there's nothing
that represents me?
[gasps] This is
quite the ordeal for Tilly!
Picking a song should be fun.
[gasps] I know!
We'll help you find one.
Here, I'll go first
to show you how I'd do it.
Oh! This one's
one of my favorites!
It reminds me of an old flame.
Which one is he--
Oh, Bill.
-Hello, I'm Bill Green,
-[feedback]
and I'm going to sing a song.
I will always remember when ♪
You and I'd meet up again ♪
A flash of red
Ready for adventure ♪
I love the times
When we're together ♪
'Cause there's one thing
A man can never give up ♪
And that's the burnin' love
for his red pickup ♪
[Nancy]
Oh, Bill!
You'll always be
My number one ♪
When we're together
We have fun ♪
Through the rain, the dirt,
The snow, the muck ♪
I can never give up
My pick-up truck ♪
Carried lumber
With no complainin' ♪
V-8 engine
Never strainin' ♪
If I was to somehow
Up and quit you ♪
I guarantee
I won't forget you ♪
You'll always be
My number one ♪
When we're together
We have fun ♪
Through the rain, the dirt,
The snow, the muck ♪
I can never give up
My pickup truck. ♪
-[applause]
-Thank you, everybody!
Very passionate, Mr. Green!
Yeah, you usually break
into tears during the bridge.
Aw, thanks guys.
But how about you, Tilly?
Think you might wanna
try a song like that?
Papa, your song
was a perfect fit for you,
but I'm not sure
it's a song for Tilly.
Well, when I'm having trouble
figuring stuff out
or I'm feeling
all pent up inside,
I like to do something
with a little attitude.
[hard rock music playing]
Huh!
Oh, authority is not for me
This I know is true! ♪
I'll push a door
That says to pull ♪
Don't tell me what to do! ♪
-So, back off! Back up! ♪
-Back off! Back up! ♪
Time to move
And pack it up ♪
-Check in! Check out! ♪
-Check in! Check out! ♪
Raise your voice
It's time to shout! ♪
[screams]
So don't listen
To your teachers ♪
Or the TV weatherman ♪
Your response to everyone ♪
Is to kick them in the can! ♪
-So, back off! Back up! ♪
-Back off! Back up! ♪
Time to move
And pack it up ♪
-Check in! Check out! ♪
-Check in! Check out! ♪
Tell 'em what
You're all about! ♪
Back off! ♪
[continues note]
[panting]
[sweetly]
Thanks, everyone!
Hope you had
as much fun as I did!
-Whoa.
-Hey, y'all!
So, what did you think?
That song just makes me wanna
shove people around
and break stuff!
Son, she doesn't
actually want you to go out
and destroy things.
She was using metaphors.
Well, I thought
your explosive lyrics
were both thrilling
and profound, Mama.
But I can't help wonder
if my one true song
is still out there.
Well, you'll never find it
if you keep listening to
their awful music!
Oh, boy, here we go.
Everything new
sounds exactly the same!
Like garbage!
What happened to
the good ol' classics
everyone used to sing?
Like "Choo-choo Gotchu,"
or "Honeybee Mondays"?
-Are those real songs, Gramma?
-I don't know what that is.
I'll prove to y'all
they're classics for a reason!
Don't you worry, Tilly!
Gramma knows the song for you.
['30s music playing]
When you're in a bind
And not sure what to do ♪
You might be tempted
To try something new ♪
But no, don't do it!
Stick with the classics ♪
Yes, the classics
Are always fantastic! ♪
Oh, when newness
comes a-knockin' ♪
With that new type
Fast talkin' ♪
You young folks
Might think I'm lame ♪
But my answer
Is always the same ♪
What do I think of new? ♪
Just ask my kazoo! ♪
[playing kazoo to tune]
So, this is the stuff you like
once you're older, huh?
No.
-[tooting]
-Come on, Tilly!
You know you wanna!
Tilly, don't you wanna go
up there with your Gramma?
This song is
perfect for Gramma,
but again, I don't think
it works for me.
Eh, her loss.
Time for another kazoo solo!
Will Tilly ever find
where she belongs?
[Kara Karaoke]
Excuse me, child.
While you should not
choose your song in haste,
time would not
choose it for you.
So, in other words, please
hurry up and choose something
-so others can have a turn.
-I'm sorry, family.
I don't wanna be
a stick in the mud,
but the lyrics to my song
need to be just right.
Sister, sister, sister,
you're overthinking it.
And overthinking
is the devil's other name.
-Ain't that right, Remy?
-Yeah!
Just don't think about
the lyrics.
I don't know if I--
Oh, it's happening.
-Uh, Cricket Green ♪
-Remy Remington ♪
There's a lot of big questions
That make us feel small ♪
Why are we here?
What's the point of it all? ♪
Tell us to
Look in our books ♪
But to find the real answer
It's all about the hooks ♪
Don't think
About the lyrics ♪
Don't think about the beat ♪
Just shake that booty
And get on your feet ♪
Just throw your hands up
And sway to this song ♪
'Cause when you're dancing
You can't be wrong ♪
Whoa! Remy! ♪
It wasn't curiosity
That killed the cat ♪
It was eighteen years of
Private education picture that ♪
-Thinking is dumb! ♪
-Oh! ♪
-Caring is dumb! ♪
-Oh! ♪
-Parents are dumb? ♪
-Oh! ♪
-Leave them behind? ♪
-Oh! ♪
-Hitch a ride on a train ♪
-Oh! ♪
-Become a carnie? ♪
-Oh-- ♪
Uh, Cricket should we
really be saying all this?
Don't think, Remy!
Don't think
About the lyrics ♪
Don't think about this song ♪
'Cause when you're dancing
you can't be wrong ♪
Whoa! ♪
[both panting]
-Bad message! Bad message!
-Whoo-hoo! All right!
-Wow, that was quite the--
-[horn toots]
Would you make
a song decision, already?
I put on this goofy hat
to sing some Ska!
Does that little girl
have the programmer?
I've been waiting to
make my Broadway debut!
We wanna sing our duet!
I wanna sing my
wickity-wickity-wack rap!
Skrra! My dad's droppin' bars!
[crowd complaining]
-Hey!
-Back off!
My-my-my-my-my-my-my-my-my!
[gasps]
I have just hit my limit.
-Hey, pick a song, already!
-Tilly!
[slams, locks]
Well, Tilly, the road of
indecision has brought us here.
All alone,
hiding from an angry mob
on a toilet.
Why are you
doing this to yourself?
There are literally thousands
of songs to choose from.
All you need to do is
pick one--
Ugh! Or maybe
I should just resign myself
to living in this bathroom
for the rest of my life.
Tilly? I'm sure anything
you sing will be great.
You don't understand!
I know it's silly, but--
I just wanted to find a way
to truly express myself.
You all got to sing songs
that were perfect for you,
but no matter how hard I look,
I just can't find a song
that's me.
Maybe I'll never find
where I belong.
-But--
-Dad, lemme try talking to her.
[clears throat]
Tilly,
the reason you
can't make a decision
is 'cause your perfect song
doesn't exist.
Dang it, Cricket, we're
trying to help your sister!
-[door opens]
-Wait! That's it!
I can't find my perfect song
because it doesn't exist!
Mwah! Thank you, brother!
Wait, hold on, I--
And that's how you do it.
Mister,
here's the song programmer.
So, you finally picked a song?
What's goin' on?
-[feedback]
-[deep breath]
[a cappella]
I am Tilly Green ♪
And I thought there was
No song for me ♪
Kept looking for something
pre-written ♪
A mold that I could fit in ♪
What song is this?
I think she's
making up her own.
But in all the tunes
That I perused ♪
Nothing felt Tilly true ♪
I didn't think
I was such a puzzle ♪
All I wanted was
Something playful ♪
With just a hint
Of trouble! ♪
So, if you feel you're wrong
and don't belong ♪
Just do your own thing
And say so long ♪
Yeah, that's what I'm doing
When I sing this song! ♪
Yeah, it feels so good
To sing my song! ♪
If you're a fish
Out of water ♪
Maybe ya gotta dig
Your own lake ♪
If you can't find
The right color ♪
You just gotta mix
Your own paint ♪
Doesn't matter
If you're different ♪
So long as what you do
Is right for you ♪
Your uniqueness
Is a treasure ♪
Sharing differences
Brings us together, ooh ♪
If you feel you're wrong
And don't belong ♪
Just do your own thing
And say so long ♪
Yeah, that's what I'm doing
As I make up this song! ♪
Yeah, it feels so good ♪
To sing along ♪
[just Tilly]
To Tilly's song! ♪
[cheers and applause]
So, sweetie, how do you feel?
Like I belong.
[all]
Aww, Tilly!
Well done, my child.
By looking within yourself,
you were able to find
your true song.
Well, thank you very much!
Hey, since Tilly won
at karaoke, or whatever,
do we get a prize,
or something?
There never was a prize.
Your satisfaction
with expressing your soul
should be its own reward.
Since when is satisfaction
a reward?
At least give me
a bad t-shirt I'll never wear!
I think it's time
we call it a night, brother.
Will the next performer
come to the mic, please?
[ska music playing]
I got sweat in my eyes ♪
Lost a bet and
Got bit by a hundred flies ♪
I fell out a big old tree ♪
Hit every branch and
Scraped up both my knees ♪
I got chased by dogs
Licked by a frog ♪
Got a rash on my legs ♪
Dropped a dozen eggs ♪
I got splinters ♪
In seven of ten ♪
And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪