Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e24 Episode Script

1
Can I help you?
Hello! I'm Rear Admiral Floyd.
And I'm selling Military Scout Cookies
door-to-door.
Please buy some and help keep guys
like me off the streets?
And, I can win a trip to Honduras
if I sell enough boxes!
I'll buy as many as you want me to!
Just don't shoot!
Oh, you are too kind.
Let it go, Cow! This ain't for stupid girls!
Oh, come on, please?
Chemistry sets ain't for Cows!
I said!
Oh, come on!
No!
Oh, let me play?
No!
Use this pretty bottle, Big Brother!
It is full of pretty water!
Brings back memories
of our first chemistry set, Momma.
Remember that
double-headed gerbil we made?
Do I? Who could forget Skippy?
Yeah.
Giving him away to the Salivation Navy
almost made me sad.
Oh, come on! I will be careful this time!
Hey, keep your meat paws off! Hey!
Well! Congratulations you two!
This here is perpetual energy!
Yes, sir! Cheap, efficient power.
Think of the uses!
Yeah, get your own dream weenie.
Look, kids! A bunny!
A big fat pig! Grandpa!
I don't want to buy any cookies.
Well, I'm not asking you
to buy my Military Scout Cookies.
I'm telling you!
But but I'm allergic to cookies.
And what does that mean to me?
That'll be one hundred bucks!
Here's your cookie.
Thanks, ma'am!
Oh, yippie-ki-oh-ki-ay!
If I keep this up,
maybe the boys at the Pentagon
will finally notice Rear Admiral Floyd.
Kinda looks like a beam
of perpetual energy.
Hello!
Rear Admiral Floyd of the Man Navy!
Well, what can we do for you,
Mr. Rear Admiral?
Did that Cow
and that Chicken create perpetual energy
with a child's chemistry set?
Why yes, they did.
Well, the Man Navy would like
to buy Cow and Chicken for eight boxes
of Military Scout Cookies.
Read Admiral, our kids are not for sale.
Did I say "buy"? I meant, draft!
Draft them for eight boxes
of Military Scout Cookies.
Well, that's okay.
But we do not want to be drafted!
Dad loves Military Cookies!
No, wait! We are not goin'!
Oh, yes you are!
The Man Navy allows Rear Admirals
to take livestock in time of need!
Guess what time it is?
Mom?
He is a Rear Admiral!
Clearly.
Get in the tank!
To the Pentagon!
Welcome to the Tentagon!
Hey, I thought you said
we was goin' to the Pentagon?
Walk this way!
Now, you kids stay in there
and don't come out
until you've created perpetual energy!
Again!
Delightful!
Hey, look at all the carcinogens!
Come on, ladies! Make me famous!
Rats! That wasn't it!
Oh, my ocular organs?
Oh, good try, Big Brother.
Fetching.
I don't need no help
from no big boned little sister.
Oh, but we're a team. Come on!
No!
Please, oh, please?
Beat it.
Give me!
All right, ladies, that's enough!
Give me that! Let go!
Hey, look!
It's Mom and Dad's
two-headed gerbil, Skippy!
You mean three-headed!
Three-headed and rotund.
Oh, things are not looking up
for the Rear Admiral!
Hey, Skip, easy with the waddle!
Skippy is going to eat my Big Brother!
This looks like a job for
Super Cow! A la rescuettie!
Un poco de estos.
Un poco de estos.
This is bad.
This is worse.
Sure is nice to have the kids home again.
And it was so sweet of Super Cow
to return Skippy to us.
You know, with three heads,
he's even better than ever.
And with that new friend of his,
he'll never be lonely!
Rear Admiral's got a side ache!
You know, the middle head's kinda nice,
but the other two bite big wind!
Hey, geez, Cow!
You gotta get outta my tree fort!
- You're gonna break it!
- Why?
One, it's for men only.
And B, you're a six-hundred-pound girl!
This is the happiest day of my life!
This is the flattest day of my life.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Ya-hoo! Giddy up, mule!
Hey, Mister.
Y'all been on that horsie forever.
Yeah! Give somebody else a chance!
Hey! I.R. stay on horsie all day
if I.R. want to!
I.R. boss of whole store!
Lowly bag boy Baboon,
car fire in aisle five!
Yay! Yippee! Hooray!
The corn is as yellow as an elephant's ♪
Hello, Baboon.
Another day, another car fire, aye?
Why don't you go wax your zucchini?
I've already waxed them.
Thanks for caring.
Why are Weasel always getting easy jobs?
Hey, guess what?
They put up the new Employee
of the Month photo.
Hey! Maybe manager are putting up picture
of I.R. Baboon.
Oh, from now on,
I.R. getting to squirt vegetables,
not Weasel!
I.R. Squirting vegetables! ♪
Not fuzzy Weasel. ♪
Hey, Baboon.
Better get over to the ladies room fast.
All the toilets are backing up.
Oh and, don't forget your waders.
Well, I'm all done dusting my bananas.
Time to go rub down my melons.
Excuse me, Ferret?
Are are you addressing me?
I am Weasel!
Weasel? Ferret? Whatever.
Hey, what is meant by
"bananas, one dollar a pound"?
What's up with that?
Well, Banana,
I must tell you in all honesty
that people buy you,
peel you and eat you.
You you're murderers!
Ca-cannibals!
Now, wait! I
Killer!
Back off, Gerbil!
I've got a banana,
and I'm not afraid to use it!
Food assistant to the apprentice bag boy?
Baboon?
Clean up in Produce!
Easy little fellow.
No one's going to harm you.
I can't believe it. A smart banana.
Wait! Stop that banana!
Halt! Come back, I say!
Oh, now I.R. getting it!
Weasel are losing control of fruits!
I.R. will smoosh rogue banana
and get Weasel's job!
Where is you be, Banana?
Now I've got you, Weasel!
You've fallen into me trap!
You cannot escape!
You are doomed!
I.R. will save Weasel from Banana,
and will be Employee of Month for sure!
All right, Banana!
Your days are
I've tilted my kilt, Checkmate!
Mr. Banana, do you know
how many fruits are self-aware?
One out of ten.
That's ten out of one hundred.
Anyway you slice it, you're pretty special.
Oh, please don't say "slice"
around a banana.
Blow me bag pipes!
My theory is that
when you approach the speed of light
You become your own grandma!
Ah yes! We are of the same mind!
Oh, Weasel having smart friend.
Well, I.R. having smart friend, too.
So, Mr. Grape,
how are it feel to be smartest grape
in whole world?
What you say?
Oh, really?
Oh, grape are so kind!
He are saying he are almost as smart
as his best friend, I.R. Baboon!
Everybody knows that all grapes are idiots!
Hey! I just had the grandest idea!
A smart banana, like you,
needs to see the world,
to soak up as much culture as he can.
Next stop, Fresno!
There it is, Banana.
The most famous painting in Fresno.
The Mona Lisa.
Lookie, Grape!
You like this dusty old painting?
Pardon.
How much for old picture of funny
looking lady?
Come?
My friend, intelligent Grape,
are not wanting frame,
so he are getting discount, right?
Boy, I.R. sure had great time in Fresno!
Me, too.
Next stop, Barstow!
Banana!
We must get him
to a fruit hospital immediately!
This mean we not going to Barstow?
Take it easy, old friend.
Oh, don't be sad.
I've lived a long time for a banana.
It could've been worse.
I might have ended up
in a bowl of corn flakes.
We sure had some good times together,
didn't we, Weasel?
Why, it seems like only yesterday.
It was yesterday!
I.R., whatever happened to your friend,
the world's smartest grape?
Oh, I.R. got hungry.
Weasel? Weasel?
Take care of me bagpipes!
He gone.
I guess you're right.
You know what this means, don't you?
Banana cream pie!
You know,
this is the best friend I ever had.
For dessert!
Hey! This here is fun, yeah?
Yeah.
But it would've been a lot funner
if we'd have had a quarter.