Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s02e24 Episode Script

Sure is pretty countryside.
So who is this girl who's in trouble? - Don't know.
- Well, what about Elopius - the guy who sent for us? - Don't know him, either.
D'ya have any idea what kind of trouble she's in? Nope.
Did it ever occur to you that you might be too trusting? What if this is just a big set-up or some sort of trap? Then we'll have to fight our way out of it like we always do.
You know, that's what I like about you, Hercules.
You never lack confidence.
Sometimes it's the only thing that gets you through.
Now, do you mind? I know, I know, shut up, and enjoy the scenery.
Come on, let's talk this over.
For a bunch of civic leaders, you're really not being very high-minded about this.
- Civic leaders? You called us crooks.
- I was only writing the truth.
The truth? The truth is, you're gonna hang.
- But that's illegal! - 'But,' nothing, you troublemaking rodent.
Get ready to take your last ride.
Enough horsing around, don't cha think? Sounds to me like this man didn't have a fair trial.
- Hi, how you doin'? - Don't you guys understand that hanging is an archaic and barbaric institution? - I'm sorry.
- Hey! I'm not complaining.
- All right, gimme your best shot.
- We liked the old odds better.
Come on.
We've got places to go.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Just one question, big fella! You got a name? Hercules? And Iolaus? I'm a big fan of both of you, believe me! - I know all about your adventures.
- I like this guy.
The name's Parentheses.
I'm a writer.
Yeah? You can't be very good if they were gonna hang you back there.
Actually, I'm too good! You see, I wrote about how they were looting the royal treasury in Macedonia? - So where are we going? - We aren't going anywhere.
This is where we part ways.
Oh, and be careful what you write, and how you write it.
You've gotta take me with you.
This is a writer's dream! - Hercules and me? And Iolaus? - Ah, we can't do it.
Where we're going it might be dangerous and you could get hurt.
Hey, if a certain group of scoundrels is still lurkin' around with their rope I could get dead.
OK, guess you're coming with us for the time being! We'll drop him off somewhere safe.
Boy, before you guys came along I thought my only chance of havin' a good day was getting buried in a worm-free grave! Wow, I can't believe my luck today.
- Hercules! Hercules! - You must be Elopius.
Oh, Hercules, you really did come to rescue my daughter, didn't you? Oh, don't worry.
Iolaus and I will get her out.
It's a terrible place! It's filled with sounds that can destroy your mind! Nobody's ever come out of there alive! I know, I know.
I understand.
I've been here before.
- This is the Cave of Echoes.
- Doesn't look so bad to me.
- Kind a jumpy, isn't he? - He's a writer, what do you expect? - I wonder what's in there? - It's a monster.
I didn't think you'd come for Melina if you knew the whole truth.
Wait a minute.
This is Hercules and Iolaus.
Monsters are us.
Yeah ah, have you seen this monster? Not exactly.
But the sound is in-- No, it's OK.
It's OK.
Let's do it.
Ah, d'ya mind? Ah, what about me? Ah, we'll give you all the gory details when we come back with Melina.
Why don't cha keep Elopius company? How can I learn anything if I'm not where the action is? The story's in there with Hercules! My big chance! One-on-one with the son of Zeus and I'm out here.
If anybody should be pacing and talking to himself, it's me! I'm the one who's got a daughter in that cave! - I'll tell her you're waiting.
- Are you crazy? Come back here! Hercules told ya to stay put! Too bad! This is the story of a time long ago.
A time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power-Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
- Very clever.
- What? Bringing enough string into a cave to fly a kite.
Wait a second, Hercules.
This is a great idea! I mean, this is gonna save our lives.
- Iol-- - Remember Theseus? - I'm just gonna let the string - Iolaus! - go with me any direction-- - I was kidding.
Oh, OK.
- What was that? - I don't know.
It could be Elopius' monster working up an appetite.
- You think that's her? - The more noise she makes, the better chance we've got of finding her.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, I got an idea.
- Io-- - Melina! - What? - Come brace yourself! What for? Come on.
Melina! Melina! Melina! Melina! Melina! Melina! Wow, I'm not gonna do that again.
- Hercules! Iolaus? - Parentheses? - Boy, that was loud! - I thought I told you to stay outside.
- Uh, I know.
- Then, why didn't you? And pass up an opportunity like this? Betcha didn't even know you were losing it.
It's all right, Iolaus.
We'll find a way out of here.
- What? - Uh, what is it? What'd I do? It's not what you did, it's what you're doing.
You're slowing us down and we don't have the time to take you back.
So let's go.
Oh, just don't yell.
Uh, while we're on the way let me recite an epic poem I wrote about your battle with Antaeus, the rock monster? - Huh, what do you know about that? - What? Just listen.
There once was a monster of rock who was mad that he couldn't walk or talk.
- Uh, actually, he could walk and talk.
- Uh, he could? - Uh, yes, he could.
- So what's the real story? - What happened? - Well, it started with Hera, who else? She had just stolen the eternal torch from Prometheus.
And I was searching for it with Deianeira, and we came upon this clearing in the forest.
It's made out of bones.
Those are human bones.
Trophies.
- Hercules, do something.
- Me? You have a nice skull.
I had to protect Deianeira, so I didn't have any choice but to fight Antaeus, the rock monster.
- Are you all right? - Yeah.
And, just when it seemed Antaeus wasn't a threat, anymore-- Are you all right? - Nobody beats Antaeus the Giant! - Antaeus? Why can't I ever run into any nice giants? What the? That is Antaeus the Giant! I think we can skip the formal introductions.
He gets his strength from his mother! Am I supposed to be interested in his family tree? Look, the Earth is his mother.
It's where he gets his strength.
It replenishes him.
Don't let him touch the ground! Deianeira was right.
Antaeus couldn't revive himself.
What an incredible story.
That's really how it was? - That's really how it was.
- I better take notes.
- Oh, brother! - I'm just striving for accuracy.
So are all these monsters you fight in dark, gloomy places? - It, uh, seems that way.
- Well, the Hydra wasn't.
It must have been one of those rare, sunworshipping Hydras.
Rare, sunworshipping Hydra? To tell the truth, we didn't get a chance to ask.
You know, I had to rush straight in there.
I drew my sword as I was going Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, Hercules was there as well.
Thank you.
Get back, Iolaus! No, Iolaus! Don't provoke it.
Hercules, what are you doing? Look out! Come on.
Come on, let's get outta here.
This thing stinks.
Yeah.
What was that? - Tatonya, the day after ya marry her.
- Hey.
What the? - Iolaus, grab that torch! - But the gods! - They'll be angry! - Just get it! Iolaus! The torch! Quick! Give it to me! And that was the beginning of the end for the Hydra.
- Fire, can you believe that? - Amazing.
- Yeah.
- You know? I should really write something about that.
- Yeah.
- Something that captures the emotional dissonance that pervades these creatures' psyches.
Something that explores the existential force that carries Hercules and you through these challenges.
- What is he talking about? - I have no idea.
- Um, Herc, maybe-- - Yeah, we better move faster.
- You think it's a monster, Iolaus? - Yeah, it could be.
Uh, uh, back up a minute.
How big? Oh, I don't know, maybe it's making that noise because it's bangin' its head on the ceiling.
Or maybe it's hungry.
Look at this place.
You see anything around here for a monster to eat? Nope.
That's what I mean.
I'm out of here.
- Uh, you'll be safer with us.
- But you guys are going the wrong way! You're goin' to ward the monster! You wanted an adventure, Parentheses.
You've got one.
Bu bu You'll be all right.
Just take some deep breaths.
Gotcha, deep breaths.
Can I just ask you a question? Ask.
Just how big was the biggest monster you ever fought? - It was big.
- Uh, how big is big? Iolaus? - How big? - Aw, big, big really big.
Bigger than a big thing.
Bigger than this part of the cavern.
You really fought a monster bigger than this cavern? I didn't stop to measure it.
Yeah, but believe me, Parentheses, I don't think there's been anything ever bigger than that sea monster.
- You did beat it though, didn't you? - Well, yeah, eventually, after it ate me.
- Uh, you let it eat you? - Uh, it wasn't exactly my choice.
But unfortunately, I wasn't the only one in danger.
At least it didn't chew us.
But it was pretty ugly sliding down that throat.
It didn't get any better when we hit the stomach.
This way! Stay here.
If nothing else, I wanted to get away from the stench.
Hold on! I'll come back for you! Give me your hand! Did ya kill it? Did ya kill it? - Is it dead? Is it dead? - It's dead! That's disgusting.
'Could've been worse.
They could've been digested.
If the monster's as big as this cavern then we're doomed.
Parentheses, you're worrying too much about this size thing.
Guys, I've been bitten by dogs, and believe me the length of their teeth was directly proportional to the depth of my pain.
The only size that matters is the heart of the person who's fighting.
Easy to say when you're as big as you are.
Well, that has nothing to do with courage.
Look at Iolaus.
I've never seen him back down from anything.
- Or anyone.
- Hercules.
- We heard you were in the neighborhood.
- We just had to say, 'Hello.
' - Hello.
- Get them! Get 'em! I gotcha! The greater the odds against me the more I like it.
Get the shrimp! Bad time! He was mine.
I had him cold.
Well, now he's cold and wet.
Uh, behind you? I know.
Of course, when I'm fighting, I try to stay on top of things.
Next time! Feed me when I ask to be fed.
Yeah, but sometimes, your choice of weapon was questionable.
Hey, ya have to be resourceful.
Weren't you scared? Outnumbered like that? Sure I was.
You know, you learn to put it behind ya.
The trick is to keep your wits and not let fear paralyze you.
- Keep our wits.
- Yeah.
Good, good, I'll try and remember that.
What if it's not a monster? What if it's a giant? I've never heard of a giant living in a cave this deep.
I have.
There's supposed to be a secret underground river that they drink from.
It makes them bigger and meaner.
Now, where did you hear something like that? No, not all giants are bad.
You take Typhon, for instance.
He was just lonely.
Who's there? Wanna be the one to set me free? I've been here so long.
Oh, you're not going to hurt me, are you? It never entered my mind.
And you won't laugh at me or call me names, either? No.
Why would I do that? Well, that's what all the other travellers who stopped here did.
The sign of Hera usually brings out the evil in people but I'd rather bend the old witch out of shape.
- You called Hera an old witch? - Yes, I was being kind.
Wow! I don't believe it! - Uh, that's OK, most people don't.
- This is great! I mean, nobody ever said I was graceful but it feels so good to get around like a normal human being again! Wait a minute, Hercules.
What about Gargon? You're right.
Some giants aren't so good.
You know? This really isn't necessary.
Oh, yes it is.
Maybe we do have to do this.
Now I kill you! Those villagers were so happy when that giant got knocked out.
- What if this giant's a bad one? - Take it easy, Parentheses.
We don't even know if there's a giant down here.
- But if there is? - Giants are just like everybody else.
Some are good.
Some are bad.
If there is one down here why don't we give him the benefit of the doubt? That's the point I'm trying to make.
You never know how anything in life is going to turn out, so why worry about it? Yeah, and it's the surprises that make these - adventures more interesting.
- Interesting? Yeah.
You see, Parentheses, you can see a mug as half-full or half-empty.
So, this cave may take us on a journey to a new adventure, or-- Or a tomb! Parentheses, still got all your moving parts? I think so.
I'd swear my life passed in front of my eyes.
Hey, where's Hercules? I don't know.
We should look for him.
This isn't what was supposed to happen.
I don't wanna be the one who writes Hercules' obituary! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just look for him! I'm trying! I'm trying! Look! Look! I'm under here! Comin'.
Boy! What is it with you and rocks? You've had this problem before? - Once or twice.
- Once or twice? Come on, Hercules! It always happens to us! Go! Help Penelope! Help Penelope! Hercules.
I couldn't undo it! This one's got two! Oh, Hercules, break it! Run! Get out! Go, save yourself! Go! Penelope! And then, there was that time with Xena.
Look out! Get Down! Get down! Now, don't forget about Ares.
I guess you're right, Iolaus.
You're preparing me for the worst, aren't you? No, no, no, no, no, that was not the worst.
Don't panic.
We'll be fine.
- Yeah, we've done this a million times.
- Yeah, but - You comfortable? - I'm holdin' the torch.
Excuse me.
Watch.
He's really good at this.
- Amazing.
- Yeah.
- Well? - I'm coming.
We could have died back there! Parentheses, if you've lived a good life - death doesn't need to be feared.
- And how do you know? - I've been to the other side.
- You've been to the other side? Yes, it ended up as one of the most moving experiences of my life.
I was able to see my family, again.
They all looked so peaceful the children and Deianeira.
She was even more beautiful than I remembered.
Hercules? Hercules! - Deianeira.
- I am so glad you're back.
- Back.
- You've been gone much too long this time.
I swear, if you were gone any longer, you'd be a stranger to your own children.
You have monsters to slay and villains to battle.
We should be grateful we get to see you at all.
You must be starving.
Come on, let me fix you something to eat.
Wait.
- Let me say hello to the kids, first.
- What am I thinking about? Children! Your father's home! Daddy's home? Aeson.
It really is Daddy! Daddy! Ilea.
- Daddy, I missed you.
- I missed you too, Ilea.
- I missed you all so much.
- Are you crying, Daddy? No, no, it's the wind just blew something in my eye.
Oh, my god, my little baby.
I'm surprised you came back.
I had to.
My work in this life wasn't finished, yet.
But Hercules, you must get lonely.
She was your wife.
- I try to stay busy.
- But, what about fun? - Women? - Iolaus? Oh, women.
Yeah, well, they're good I mean, once you work out how to talk to them.
But I've learned a language that seems to work.
I gotta go.
- At least your lips are working.
- That's not all that's working.
Women just don't like me.
I guess they can see I'm a coward.
Why would women see you as a coward? Uh, I don't know.
I always seem to be afraid.
Fear isn't a bad thing.
It can keep ya from getting killed by doing something foolish.
Yeah, and it wouldn't hurt to have a higher opinion of yourself.
Absolutely.
Besides, I've seen fearful people do truly brave things.
Salmoneus comes to mind.
There must've been a dinar in it for him.
Nope, just my survival.
And his help couldn't have come at a better time.
You see, I was blind and well, he was my eyes.
And despite the danger he was in Salmoneus really helped me out.
We seem to be just out of their range.
Not mine.
Salmoneus! I'll need your help.
- What if they get lucky? - Stay behind me.
- How far? - Two hundred and twenty paces.
- What're you doing? - He can't see! Now, where were we? - Is my direction right? - Yeah.
- How did we do? - Ah, ten paces to the left and they've moved ten paces to the right.
Hercules! We better get out of here! They're about to dislodge a boulder the size of Mt.
Olympus! Tell me how close my last arrow was, then run for the woods.
- It's heading straight for us! - How close? Three paces left! Marcus, get back! A lot of it is just attitude, you know, how you think of yourself.
Now I mean, if you think of yourself as a coward, you're probably gonna act like one.
Why don't you try thinkin' about how much good - you're gonna do for a change? - Oh, I don't know.
Just the thought of going blind gives me the chills.
I don't even like being in a dark room.
- Iolaus? - It's gotta be hers.
At least, we're going in the right direction.
Yeah.
Melina! - Here we go, again.
- What? Brace yourself.
Melina! Melina! Melina! Melina! Is everybody OK? Iolaus.
Parentheses? - You all right, Iolaus? - I'm not the one that's whimpering! Well, I wouldn't be if you got that torch lit! - I'm trying, all right? - Hurry! I need light! If I can grab a I can't take this, anymore! Parentheses, you put yourself in this situation, now, live with it! You can sit there and panic and make things worse or you can swallow your fears and work with us.
- Now, what'll it be? - Sorry.
I'll be OK.
All right, that's better.
Now, let's light this torch.
Yeah.
You wanna do that again? Here.
Hello? - We're gettin' close.
- Let's keep moving.
He's gonna be all right.
I think he's more afraid of you than he is of the dark.
Hercules? Iolaus? We're wasting time.
- Oh, wasting time.
- Well, well, well.
If I didn't know better, I'd swear that was Echidna.
The mother of all monsters? You fought her, too? - Oh, yeah.
- Where? Where else? Another cave? Echidna kidnapped my mother.
She wanted to use her as bait to kill me.
I'd been wounded by Hera's archers.
Put her down! Hercules! Why isn't he dead? - Bad archers! - Good genes! Nobody takes advantage of my mother.
Hercules! Be careful! I said! Put her down! I think I'll kill you both at once! - Mother! Run! - I can't leave you! You've got to! Now run! Over here, Echidna! It's me you want! Have it your way! Iolaus! Get her out of here! Go on! I'll take care of Echidna! You'll have to get past me first, you little runt.
Iolaus! The arrows! Where are they? Now it's you and me, Hercules.
Herc You didn't kill her? Even when she tried to kill you and your own mother? She didn't deserve to be killed.
What she needed was the love that only one man in the world could give her.
- Honey, I'm home! - Herc, did we make it in time? Typhon, it's you.
Where on Earth have you been? I'm sorry.
I would have been back ages ago, but Hera held me prisoner.
It was Hercules who set me free.
I've been such a fool.
And I've done such horrible things! But I still love ya, Echidna.
You do? - Then come here, lover-boy! - Oh, Baby, you're the greatest! Those two fell in love? Maybe there's hope for me yet.
Watch your step.
It's slippery here.
Is someone there? Please, help me.
Yeah, we're on our way.
I've caught my foot on something.
Please, help.
Don't worry.
We'll getcha out.
Yeah.
Uh, go back, Iolaus, there's nothing you can do.
- Aw, Herc, I gotta try.
- I can't help her, either.
- Aw, no.
- Parentheses, you're the only of us who's got a chance to save her.
- I am? - Yeah.
What are you guys doing? Now, listen carefully.
We'll lower ya down but you'll have to deal with whatever's holding her yourself.
- Yeah, and you're gonna need this.
- I'm not sure.
- Attitude, Parentheses, attitude.
- Would someone please help me? All right.
I can do it.
Good man.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Got him? - Yeah.
Careful.
- See anything? - Just a pretty girl.
I see something! Give me more light! I'm not sure what it is but I'll get it.
It's nothing! There's no monster down here! Her foot's caught in a root! Hi.
Give me your hand.
There you go! Here ya go.
- Got a hold? - Yeah.
OK.
- Oh, thank the gods.
- No, - he's the one you need to thank.
- You're a brave man.
- Thank you.
- Uh, call me silly for asking, but what's a nice girl like you doing in a cave like this? That's the reason.
Come on, but keep your voices down.
This part of the cave can turn even whispers into sounds that shatter your eardrums.
Wait for me, you guys.
Hello, Zeus.
Why'd you run off like that, you silly little boy.
- You risked your life for that? - Oh, he's barely a month old.
I couldn't let him come in here by himself.
Come on, I'll show you a secret passage out.
Come on.
Secret passage? - Melina! - Father! Melina! Why did you go into that cave? Well, Zeus ran off and I followed him.
He got down to the deepest part of the cave before I could catch up with him.
And then when I reached for him, I slipped into a pit.
- Yeah, we got there just in time.
- There was no monster? Father, I'd like to introduce you to the man who rescued me.
Thi - I don't even know your name.
- Parentheses.
Oh, I didn't think I'd be thanking you like this when we first met.
You said you were a writer.
Make any money at it? - Not with my poetry.
- You're a poet? Yeah! Would ya like to hear some? - There once was a girl named Melina-- - Ah, you're on a roll, here.
Don't blow it.
Actually, I do celebrity stories, too.
- Thanks for the material, guys.
- That's OK.
Actually, we have had some good adventures, haven't we? - Yeah, we have.
- Help! Help! A warlord named Attilus has captured our village on the other side of the valley! We need your help! Looks like we're about to have some more.
- Aah, does it ever end? - Not in this life.
Bye.
- Thanks.
- Be safe.
- Don't we ever get a rest? - I thought we just had one.
Captioned by Grantman Brown