The Proud Family (2001) s02e24 Episode Script

(students clamoring)
(gentle voice)
Children!
(clears throat)
We’re about to start
the assembly.
Take your seats and be quiet.
(sternly) I said, "quiet,"
you future hamburger flippers!
(sweetly)
Thank you.
That’s better.
Now, it’s my pleasure
-to introduce the candidates
-Hey!
for Willy T. Ribbs
Middle School President.
Please give them your full,
undivided attention,
as each will make a brief
opening statement.
(feedback squealing)
Hi, I’m Myron Lewinski.
(All)
Boo!
If I’m elected president,
I promise to implement
after-school study groups,
add chess tables to the lunch rooms
(sparse applause)
and I’ll insure that
every library desk
has its own reading lamp
and magnifying glass.
(shouting)
Boo!
What’s up, everybody?
I’m Penny Proud.
(cheering)
If I’m lucky enough to be
chosen as your president,
I promise to do everything
in my power
to ensure your voice,
the student voice, is heard.
(cheering)
Whether it’s more books,
more nutritional cafeteria food,
a better band for the
homecoming jammy-jam,
or better teachers.
Hurray!
No kid should have to pass a
standardized test his teacher can’t.
And in return, I challenge you,
"Ask not what your school
can do for you,
but what you can do
for your school."
-(cheering)
-Hey! That’s my girl!
Our next candidate is
(Announcer)
And now, son of Number 33,
the richest man in town,
your parents’ boss and mine,
and the next president
of the Willy T. Ribbs Middle School,
give it up for
Little Wiz, y’all!
(wild cheering)
Hey, y’all.
Y’all know me.
But if you weren’t paying
attention to my M.C.,
I’m Li’l Wiz Jr., y’all.
(cheering)
Why should you vote for me?
’Cause I can sum
it up in one word:
free stuff, y’all.
Looks like it’s raining
free CD players.
Don’t fight, there’s
enough for everybody.
Hey, that’s not fair!
You can’t bribe the students!
You’re supposed to talk
about the issues!
You’re right, Penny Proud.
Just so I can thoroughly
explain my stand on the issues,
and give you more free stuff,
everyone is invited to a campaign rally
at Wizard Kelly’s.
Three flavors ice cream
hosted by W.K. Records’
number one recording artist,
Sir Paidalot.
Follow me, y’all.
The limo’s a-waiting.
(cheering)
The Proud Family ♪
What? ♪
You and me will
always be tight ♪
Family, every single
day and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
Around you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day as I’m
heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
- They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
They make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family ♪
(Oscar)
Yeowch!
I can’t believe my
friends deserted me
for a cheap CD player
and some free ice cream.
What?
We bought these.
What about the CD players?
They were all over
the gymnasium floor.
Here, we got you one.
Look, Penny. You don’t need
those deadweight friends.
I’ve assembled you a
crackerjack campaign team,
starting with me,
your Chief Advisor,
and Campaign Manager.
The Chang triplets,
who are highly skilled
in polling and
statistical analysis.
And Michael,
who will be
your much-need
Image Consultant.
Image Consultant?
I think we should continue
passing out flyers
and talking about the issues.
Well, I have issues
with your image.
"Grease" ain’t the word, girl,
though your hair
could sure use some.
Michael, no!
So what about the polls?
What do they say?
Well, we have good news
and bad news.
The good news is you’re
only three points behind.
Oh, three points
behind Wizard Junior?
That’s not bad.
Naw, that’s behind Myron.
You’re 43 points
behind Little Wizzy.
Last place?!
Penny, I didn’t want
to have to do this
this early in the campaign.
But under these
circumstances,
it’s time for Plan G.
Don’t you mean Plan B?
No, I mean Plan G.
I’ve hired
the Gross sisters
as outside
consultants.
And that’s just where
they belong, outside.
And that’s where we
going to take you
if you don’t keep quiet.
-Ah!
-So, Proud,
I understand you got an
election that needs fixing.
Oh, no. I am not getting
involved with them.
We don’t need them.
Word on the street
is you do, Proud.
You’ve been out-promoted,
out-spent, out-freebied
and pretty soon,
you’ll just be out.
She’s right, Penny.
Little Wizzy has everything
it takes to win.
Money, cash, ducats,
cheddar, pesos, euros,
réals, yen!
Did I say cash?
Well, he’s got buckets of it.
Look, Penny, we need
the Gross sisters’ expertise.
Expertise?
What do they know about
winning an election?
The Olympic ice-skating
judging scandal?
-Yeah?
-Us.
Halle Berry and Denzel
winning on the same night?
-No way.
-Yes, way.
I can get D-Wash on
the phone right now.
Okay, I definitely don’t want
anything to do with them.
I want to win this election
fair and square.
All right, square. The last person
to say that was Al Gore. Now pay up.
For what? She’s not even
going to use you.
Don’t matter.
We showed up, so pay up.
(laughs)
We don’t need them.
We’re above dirty tricks.
We’re above-board.
We’ll talk about the issues
and run a clean race,
and the people will respond.
You’ll see.
I believe Penny
is the future ♪
Vote for her and she
will lead the way ♪
Show you all that
she’s the perf ♪
Good times ♪
Wiz will bring ♪
Good times ♪
Leave Penny Proud
behind, y’all ♪
’Cause he’s rich and fine ♪
- You know he is ♪
-Yeah!
Wiz will bring good times ♪
She has a sense of pride ♪
-To be president ♪
-(pounding footsteps)
Let the children
laugh and ♪
Good times ♪
Li’l Wiz will
bring good times ♪
Leave your wallet behind ♪
It’s all on his
rich daddy’s dime ♪
Little Wiz good time ♪
(giggling)
Little Wizard, y’all ♪
- Ooooh ♪
-(giggling)
That’s tight ♪
That’s tight, that’s tight ♪
How to take ’em
all is me ♪
My daddy’s so rich indeed ♪
He could buy
whatever he wants to ♪
He’ll buy you ♪
He’ll buy ♪
Ha, ha-ha ♪
Don’t even have to rhyme ♪
Hey, guys.
What’s wrong?
Everything!
We’re dead in the water.
We’re five days away
from the debates,
and we’re last
in the polls and sliding.
Our opponent is out-spending
us a thousand to one.
-Oscar, did you hear that?
-No.
And I can’t hear
the game either,
so please keep it down.
-Oscar!
-Trudy move!
Your daddy wasn’t
a glass maker!
But he was a trouble maker!
That’s not the point I’m trying
to make. Now get out of my way!
Oscar, your daughter
needs your help.
Ha! I don’t know why
she’s going to her daddy.
For once, I agree
with Suga Mama.
-Oscar!
-Okay, all right, all right.
What do you need, Penny?
And make it quick, it’s
only a 20 second time-out!
Daddy, it would really
help if you could make
a contribution to
my campaign fund.
Okay, I’m in for $5.00.
Now everybody get out!
But Daddy!
Oscar, give her more money!
She doesn’t need more money.
What she needs is
a catchy slogan.
Like the one I used during
my middle school election campaign.
"Vote for me,
I’m black and I’m Proud."
-Did you win, Mr. Proud?
-Uh, no.
Unfortunately, the opponent’s name
was "James Black."
-But it’s still a catchy slogan.
-Mm-hmm.
So is "Never put off until tomorrow
what you can do today."
Ow!
Oscar!
Oscar, give her more money!
Come on! It’s a middle school election!
It’s not like she’s got
to buy commercial time.
Hey, y’all!
I’m Wizard Kelly,
a pillar of the community,
speaking on behalf of
my son, Little Wizzy.
He’s running for
middle school president
against the daughter
of this man,
- Orenthal Proud.
- (gasps)
What kind of man is he?
Let’s go to the videotape, y’all.
Remember how this man,
Orenthal Proud,
lost the State Championship
by missing
this easy half-court jumper.
(Crowd) Ooh!
Don’t continue this
legacy of mediocrity.
Vote for Little Wizzy.
He’s a champion,
just like his daddy, y’all.
(growling)
That’s it, Penny!
I’m going to do everything it takes
to see to it that you win this election.
I guarantee you’ll have the full power
of the Proud Snax Empire behind you.
The Wiz is not the only person
who can buy an election
in this town.
Come on! We’ve got some
plotting to do.
(Kids) Yeah!
(Michael) Now that your daddy’s
funding this campaign,
I can really give
you a winning image.
I still don’t know why
this is necessary.
Because, Penny, no one
wants a frumpy president.
(Zoey) Michael’s right!
If you don’t do this,
you might as well gain 30 pounds,
grow a beard,
and move back to Tennessee
right now
because you’re not winning!
Okay, Michael, do your thing.
(Michael)
All right.
Fasten your seat belt, girl.
You’re about to take a journey
to make-over land!
Hey!
(yelling) Whoa!
Hey!
(grunts)
Hey! Help!
Make it stop!
Just a few more seconds.
-Presto!
-Hey!
Now you’re looking
like a winner.
You look absolutely
presidential!
You look like
Condoleezza Rice.
Please. Condoleezza wishes
she had style like this.
(Oscar) Penny! Penny,
come check this out!
(Penny)
Daddy, what’s all this?
Who are you?
It’s me, Penny, Daddy.
Penny, your ad campaign
has gone to the next level.
These balloons will ride
the winds of victory
to all your constituents.
(chittering)
(cackling)
Hey, no monkeying around
on the job now.
Oh, quiet, boy.
We’re just having fun.
Fun?! That helium
isn’t free, you know!
Well, if it isn’t,
how could you afford it?
Just give me
the balloons!
Son, you don’t want me
to give you these balloons.
Mama, don’t question
my authority.
Just hand me the balloons,
and go haunt somebody else’s house.
Whatever you say, son.
I hope you enjoy
your trip.
-What trip?
-(shrieks)
That trip!
And don’t forget to write!
(cackling)
Mama!
(wind whistling)
-(alarm blaring)
-Aah!
(Wizard Kelly)
Intruder alert. Intruder alert, y’all.
We have a UFO,
an unsuccessful flying obstacle.
You’re clear to fire.
Blow it up, y’all.
(Oscar yells)
(screaming)
The sky is not falling, y’all.
It’s just Oscar Proud failing miserably
at yet another not-so-brilliant idea.
(whimpering)
-Trudy!
- Wizard Kelly, on the other hand,
has many brilliant ideas
which turn into
successful businesses.
You know what they say:
"success breeds success."
And what does failure breed?
-Success for somebody else.
-(oinks)
So vote for Li’l Wizzie, Jr.
because he has
successful genes, y’all.
The proceeding stunt was paid for by
the supporters of Li’l Wizz Jr., y’all.
It’s official, we’re dead.
(whimpering)
Not as dead as Mr. Proud.
(moaning)
Come on. We can still
win this thing.
We still have the debates.
Billy, give her the latest poll results.
The good news is,
you’re only one point behind.
Great! So we moved up!
The bad news is, you’re one point
behind the undecided vote.
Dang!
It must be the bronzer.
We should switch to Cinnamon
and Spice number five.
Look, Penny Proud,
I have never lost a campaign.
Wait, Zoey, isn’t this
your first campaign?
Like I said, I’ve never
lost a campaign,
and I’m not about to start now!
We need to implement Plan G.
Otherwise, you may as well
get your bus ticket
to Nutbush right now.
So what do you say?
You ready to do
what it takes to win?
(bell dings)
I knew you’d come
around, Proud.
They always do.
So, what are you
going to do?
You don’t want to know, Proud.
Just pass our cash, and get
your victory speech ready.
(crickets chirping)
All right, Jergin,
go get us some dirt,
and we’ll hook you up
with a big, juicy
dinosaur bone from the museum.
(ferocious barking)
(growling)
We ain’t scared!
Go get ’em, Jergin.
(snarling)
(beeping, whirring)
(whining)
(snickering)
(wheels squeaking)
(beeping)
(snoring)
Yo
(snores)
Yavia
(snorts)
(mumbling in sleep)
(snoring) It all started with
an orange basketball.
No, Jergin, wrong room.
That’s the Big Wiz.
We want the little one.
(wheels squeaking)
(door squeaks)
(beeping)
Oh, snap! Now I done seen some sick
and disgusting things in my life,
but this is definitely
the foulest.
Where are the Gross sisters?
They were supposed
to be here.
Well, I guess I’ll have to just
talk about the issues.
Snap out of it, Penny!
If you talk about the
issues, we’re finished!
You need dirt to win now
and plenty of it.
We’ll just have to
make something up.
(Nubia) No, y’all won’t.
Did you get the info?
Do you have the money?
But we already paid you.
That was the up-front fee.
This is the delivery fee.
Now, I know you heard of C.O.D.
Cash on delivery?
Nah. "Cash or you’re doomed."
(nervous chuckle)
You, too, makeup boy.
(nervous chuckle)
(yelps)
Now, I got to warn you:
what you about to see
ain’t for the squeamish.
Hit it, Gina.
(static)
(gasps)
(groans)
(sucking sound)
This is sick.
(moans)
This is perfect.
We’re gonna win the election! ♪
Not with that footage we won’t.
We can’t do this.
Excuse me?
Penny, you are a
video clip away
from being Middle
School President.
I won’t show it. It’s mean
and it would hurt Wizzie’s feelings.
He’s rich!
He can buy new feelings.
I stood before the student body
and pledged a fair campaign.
Sorry, Zoey, but I’d rather
lose the election than my integrity.
My decision is final.
Hello, everybody,
I’m Rolanda Watts,
moderator for the Willy T.
Ribbs Presidential Debate.
yet another painfully clear
sign that my career is ending.
But I digress.
This has been an eventful
and highly publicized campaign,
arguably the most
divisive campaign
in the history of
middle school elections.
It’s time to hear from
the candidates themselves
and set the record straight.
The first question goes to
Myron Lewinsky.
If you are elected president,
what do you intend to do
to clean up the political process?
Uh, that’s a very good question,
Rolanda.
My first order as president
would be to limit funds for candidates
and stem the flow of soft money.
And I would absolutely prohibit
candidates from getting
-or receiving gifts.
-(All) Boo!
Wizard Kelly Jr., it appears Myron’s
comments were directed at you.
How do you respond?
I respond by giving
you this, Roshanda.
Ooh, a diamond Wiz-X watch.
Aren’t you sweet?
See, only poor and
unpopular people, i.e. geeks,
don’t enjoy giving
or receiving gifts.
(cheers and applause)
(giggling)
How true.
Penny Proud, what do you think?
I think we should stop all
forms of negative campaigning,
and parental involvement,
financial and otherwise,
should also be eliminated.
All elections should be
decided on the issue that
Oh, oh, sorry to
interrupt, Penny.
We just received breaking news.
We’re turning over the
broadcast to the studio.
We have late-breaking news here
that just may tip the scales
in the Willy T. Ribbs
Middle School election.
An anonymous political figure,
known only as Scratchy Throat,
has come forth with
incredible video footage
that may derail the
Wizard Junior campaign.
Warning: what you are about to
see is graphic and disturbing
and not for the faint of heart.
The student body should know
that if they elect Wizzie Junior,
they’ll elect
a fetal-sleeping, thumb-sucking,
teddy-bear-holding,
big-basketball-bouncing baby.
(all gasp)
(laughing)
Man, busting out Li’l Wiz
was a brilliant move, Penny.
Yeah, girl. You’ll make
a great president.
I didn’t want to bust
out Li’l Wizzie.
I didn’t want to win this way.
Did I, Scratchy Throat?
OK, OK, you got me.
I must take credit
for the underhanded deed.
Zoey, I never knew
you were so sneaky.
I always thought
you were just geeky.
Thanks I think.
Hi, Wizzie. I want to tell you
that I’m really sorry
if you were embarrassed.
Yeah, right.
Just let your daddy know that
my daddy’s friends
at the health department
will be making numerous unexpected visits
to the Proud Snax factory.
What?
And by the way,
there’s nothing wrong
with sucking your thumb.
And thanks to you,
I can now do it in public, y’all.
-Hello, students.
-Shh.
The election results are in
and we have a new
middle school president.
The winner, by a landslide, is
Oh, my goodness.
Myron Lewinsky!
(All)
Myron?
(applause and cheers)
(groans)
I can’t believe Myron won.
What about the polls?
Debbie, you said we were up.
I told you there was a flaw.
A flaw?
What kind of a flaw?
You told us to only poll the cool kids,
but our polls show that
cool kids don’t vote.
Why don’t they vote?
They’re too cool.
You would know that
if you weren’t a geek.
Congratulations, Myron.
The best candidate won.
You talked about the issues.
Uh, thanks, Penny.
Would you like to be my date
for the swearing-in ceremony?
Out of my way, loser.
Hey, Myron, I mean
Mr. President.
Look, pres, you’re going to need
a chief of staff
to help put together
your cabinet
and I’m your girl.
And you’re going to need
an image consultant
’cause the Urkel thing
is played out.
Yeah, and you’re going to need someone
to tweak the numbers in your favor.
And you’re definitely
going to need what we do.
Who do you think
brought down Li’l Wizzie?
Well, Penny, I’m really sorry
that you lost the election.
But I’m glad you took
the high road, baby.
You really did the
Proud name justice.
Thanks, Mama. I guess it’s just
the way I was brought up.
Well, at least I got
a new look out of it.
Hey, Penny, Mrs. Proud.
-Hello, Michael.
-What’s up?
Oh nothing. I just remembered
I left something here.
-What was that?
-Your new look.
But I thought I could
keep the clothes.
And I thought you
were going to win.
Guess we both
thought wrong.
See ya!
(laughing)