The Weekenders (2000) s02e24 Episode Script

Ehh it's Tino.
Okay, my cousin Phillip
is coming to visit,
and I promised my Mom I'd spend
the whole weekend with him.
Oh yeah, did I mention Phillip is the
unholy, crushing vortex of boredom?!
But wait. It gets worse.
I am going to miss the sneak preview of
Chum Bukkit: The Movie, this Sunday.
Hey, T, why don't you ask Phillip to come
to the Chum Bukkit movie with us?
Ooh, I could do that, if you don't mind
being seen standing in line with this!?
No!
Make it go away!
The horror!
I rest my case.
Fear not.
We have something that will make your
weekend much less excruciating.
Your very own V-Rek.
V-Rek?
It's short for Visiting Relative Emergency Kit.
Look, see.
It contains all three food groups.
Choco Bonkies, Cheese Bonkies,
and Choco Cheese Bonkies.
And there's a walkie-talkie so you can
stay in touch with your super cool friends.
Thanks, guys.
I'm touched.
Heyyy. How come
there's no Bacon Bonkies?
Apparently, they were
so full of chemicals that
the FDA said they
couldn't sell them as food.
Now they're marketing them as an
industrial gravel substitute.
Freakshow.
One "Inflata-rooni", extra cheese!
Voilà!
Whoaa.
Should've seen that comin'.
Hang on, I'll get you a flat one.
My weekend is a smoking crater.
Come on, Phillip can't be that boring.
What?
Does he like collect stamps or somethin'?
Huh!
I wish!
The last time he visited was six years ago.
Right off, he showed me
his gnat collection.
Ah, look, a Bradesia Popeira,
a common fungus gnat.
And, it gets worse.
His favorite game is Encyclopedia.
And you know how to play it?
You read the Encyclopedia !
He needs a humidifier for his left sinus,
and a dehumidifier for his right sinus.
I think he's been sent by a higher power
as punishment for my misdeeds.
It's been six years, Tino,
maybe he's changed.
People like that don't change,
they just solidify.
How do you know?
He wears one of those geek vests.
Geek vest people never change.
Good point.
Okay, one regular flat pizza.
Whoa!
Should've seen that comin'.
Guess who's here?
The Grim Reaper?
Cousin Phillip.
Gnaaaah.
Close enough.
Hi, Tino.
Be right back.
So, what do you wanna do?
We could
Brand new encyclopedia.
Knock yourself out.
Okay, but I - I don't wanna
I almost forgot your
humidifier and dehumidifier.
Oh, uhm, actually, I don't need
those for sleeping anymore.
My sinuses are aaaallll cleared up, now.
Great.
Hey, did you know an "adze" is an
axe-like tool used for shaping wood?
No.
That's four points for me, then.
Nice vest.
Did you know a "gribnle" is a small marine
crustacean that destroys submerged wood?
No.
Four points for me!
Did you know a "zymogen" is an inactive
protein precursor of an enzyme?
No.
Are you sure you don't wanna do
something besides play Encyclopedia?
Like, look at your gnat collection?
No thanks
Hey, what's that flyer?
Is that
You know, Phillip ?
I'd love to talk right now,
but I need my mouth for snacking.
Did you know Cyber G is
Four points for you?
Chum Bukkit: The Movie: The Game.
This kind of rabid
cross-promotion is disgusting.
Then can I have cuts in line?
Try it and die, amigo!
Hey, T.
We finished the Encyclopedia
and moved on to the Dictionary !
I need out.!
Maybe you should fight fire with fire.
Doesn't it usually work
better to fight fire with water?
I mean, you should outbore him.
Be so boring that he wants to ditch you..
That's so crazy, it just might
Okay, what's that noise?
Uh, it's, um..
One of those machines that
they use it to scrape all the
It's Chum Bukkit:
The Movie: The Game, isn't it?!
Yeah, but it's totally lame.
This is the best game ever!
Oh, man.
Okay, here's a new game.
It's called, "Globe."
You pick a city and I'll guess the
latitude and longitude.
Oh, gee, uh.
That's great.
It is?
The city is Takar.
You have no idea where Takar is.
I don't even know what latitude and
longitude are.
So
Four points for you.
Wow.
Doesn't it hurt to bang your
head on the wall like that?
Chocolate-covered French fries.
Where have you been all my life?
You know what would go good with these?
A shovel.
Lor, here.
Lor!
I need
Hey, sounds like you have a mouthful
of chocolate-covered French fries.
Yeah, they're great.
Too bad they're only for today,
so you'll never get to try 'em!
Lor !
I mean.
They. Stink?
Oh, how am I ever going
to get away from Phillip?
Well, you could fake the flu.
Um, hi?
If my Mom thinks I'm sick,
I'll be stuck here for sure.
Duh.
Not you, Phillip .
Lor, you're a genius.
You hear that?
I'm a genius.
Mm-hmm.
Most geniuses don't have chocolate all
over their faces.
I bet some do.
Gee, Phil.
You don't look so good.
I - I feel fine.
No, you don't.
Here.
Let's take your temperature.
It's kinda hot?
That's, 'cause, you're burning up!
Check it out.
You're green.
Ah!
Look, your temperature is uh
a hundred and forty ?
That can't be right.
Hey, someone coloured this mirror green!
You're being paranoid.
That's definitely a symptom of the flu.
I know what's going on.
You're trying to make me think
I'm sick so you can ditch me.
What?
No.
Why, the very idea !
Oh, no, it's fine.
If you want to sneak out and hang
with your friends, I'll cover for you.
Phillip , I couldn't.
Or maybe I could.
Guys, I've been thinking.
Mmm.
Risky.
We should let Tino bring
Phillip to the movie.
What?
I don't want to be seen
with that geek vest guy!
Yeah, but Tino's our friend.
I don't want to see the movie without him.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
She's right, Carver.
It's the least we can do.
No.
The least we can do is nothing!
Trust me.
I've done the math.
Carver.
Alright, fine.
Phillip can come, but you're going to be
stuck with one grumpy Carver tonight.
It's okay.
We're kind of used to it.
Are you sure about this?
Yes, I'm sure.
Bye.
I thought I'd never get rid of him.
Hi, Tino's Mom.
Is Tino here?
No, I'm pretty sure he just snuck out.
Unless you can think of another reason
there'd be a ladder up against the garage.
Don't tell him I know, okay?
I don't want him to lose confidence in his
sneaking skills.
Go on upstairs.
Phillip must be there all by himself now.
Ughh!
Gnats.
"Radicia Palpera.."
The common fungus gnat.
Man, I so know this is wrong.
Gah, gnats!
I think I swallowed one.
You wouldn't believe how boring Tino is.
All you wanted to do was play Encyclopedia.
Yawn.
Are you sure ?
Oh, dude!
This part rocks!
Okay, who is that guy?
And what has he done with my cousin?
You had Phillip all wrong, T!
He's totally cool.
He's an even bigger
Chum Bukkit fan than we are!
But! I thought all you liked
was playing Encyclopedia.
What?
You kept pushing it on me so much
I thought you liked it.
Did you talk to Phillip at all?
Well, not really.
I mean, no offense, Phil,
but you don't look real cool?
Tell me about it.
Mom always makes me wear the geek vest
when I visit relatives.
She calls it my "V-Rek."
"V-Rek"?
Yeah. It's short for
Visiting Relatives Elegant Knitwear.
Freakshow.
Way to judge a book by its cover, Tino!
Or like, a geek by its vest?
I'm sorry, Phillip .
I didn't really take the time
to find out who you are, did I?
Ahh, don't sweat it.
I bet you've changed
a lot in the last six years, too.
Like you probably gave up those stupid
Captain Dreadnought comics.
Hahahaha.
Yeah, hahaha, stupid comics.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Hey, come on, guys.
Let's go to the movie.
Yeah, go, let's go!
So, I guess now I know
that people really do change.
Even people in geek vests.
But Captain Dreadnought
fans are losers, forever.
Cut it out.
Okay, later days.