Are We There Yet? (2010) s02e25 Episode Script

- And, cut.
- Cut it, cut it.
Yeah, I really appreciate man.
Man, this things are much easier when you deal with someone who knows the gang.
So, you played for Washington state, didn't you? - Yep.
I missed the sack record by one.
- Ouch.
Too bad you weren't playing against Brett Favre.
He'd have taken a dive like he did for Strahan.
- Would you mind? Oh, yeah.
- Actually, I wanted you to take the photo.
- Oh.
All right.
All right, here you go.
- You are so incredible.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- Man, how do you handle stuff like that? - Actually, I don't, if you know what I'm saying.
When I'm out here on the road, man, I go back to the hotel, I go to sleep, and I stay out of trouble.
The thing these young fellows don't understand is sleep is free, but that right there? That could cost you $100 million.
- Come on, man.
Look, you expect me to believe that prime time is a homebody? - Prime time is happily married, father of five.
You know, I been there, done that.
When I'm out here on the road, only thing I'm looking for, man, is some good home-style cooking.
- Seriously? - You know a place? - Well, sort of.
Look, I don't want to make you feel obligated, but if you want, you can just come over to the house.
Usually it's just me and the wife and kids, just rolling family style.
- Can I ask you a question? - What's that? - Don't lie to me.
Can your wife cook? - Yeah.
- Because if she can't, I'm not gonna play it off like it was all good, like the food was excellent, you know? I'm gonna embarrass you like a cheap polyester suit.
I'm gonna embarrass her like a fake Gucci bag, and I'm gonna talk about your kids like a dog.
Because one thing I don't do, I don't play about my food.
- Look it's all good.
- I can't come tomorrow night, but what about the night after? - Cool.
Just a nice, quiet dinner.
You, me, my wife and kids, that's it.
- Remember what you said, that's it.
No autographs, no pictures.
Quiet evening.
- Done.
Oh, man.
- Please, please, just one autograph.
- Please, please, just one picture.
- The man just wants a quiet dinner.
- I can be quiet.
Let us come! - You won't even know we're there.
- Fine.
- oh, here he is! Nick Kingston-persons! - Man! - Yeah, baby! - Yo, what what is all this about? - Man, you're interview with Deion just went off, all right? You're a regular Hannah storm.
- So you guys do this every year? - Yeah, the alums and the athletes just get together and watch the game.
It's an old rivalry.
Plus it's a good reason to catch up with everybody.
- Hey, Malcolm.
- Hey! - And sometimes people catch up with you.
- Boy, you know you need to come and get a drink with me and Kristin.
- Hey, Nick.
- Hey, girl.
- Ah, damn.
- Who is that? - I don't know.
- Well, well, well, if it isn't prime time persons himself.
- Martin, what are you doing down here? - What, are you kidding me? This place is packed with sports fans.
What better place to sell people a bunch of stuff they already used to own.
- Honey, I hope you're not gonna let all this attention go to your head.
- Oh, you know, I think it's good.
It's about time you realize that I was, am, and always will be Da man.
- Oh, I don't know about all that.
Mm-Hmm.
- Craig Jerome in the house.
What's up, man? - Mr.
Almost.
How you doing, brother? - Mr.
Almost? - Oh, yeah, that's what we used to call Nick, because he almost broke the sack record, almost went pro, and was almost better than me.
- That was a long time ago.
- Yeah, and I almost forgot.
So who is this lovely lady here? - This beautiful lady is my wife, Suzanne.
- Oh, Suzanne, it's so nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Now, listen, I don't know you.
But I'm sure he does not deserve you, and you are better than him.
So if some prince charming comes in, sweeps you off your feet, go.
No one will be mad.
- Thanks, but I think I'll keep him.
- Oh, hey.
This is my girlfriend Mimosa.
Mimosa, this is Nick and Suzanne.
- Oh, Suzanne.
That's an interesting name.
- Thanks, Mimosa.
Nick, I'm gonna go to the restroom.
- Fun, I'll go with you.
- Great.
- Look at you, man.
I'm so proud.
I'm seeing you up there.
You interviewing neon Deion and Laila Ali.
- Look, I'm just trying to make the most of a great opportunity.
- Hey, man, I hear you.
I'm right with you.
I'm actually in town raising funds for my new activity drink.
- Um, energy drink? - No, no, activity drink.
You see, it's all about the activity.
It's all about the activity.
What's going on on the court, off the court, on your way to court.
- In court? - Hello.
So, man, listen.
Maybe it's not a coincidence that we sitting here.
I mean, you up there interviewing neon Deion.
The name of my drink is the neon activity drink.
- When did you call it that? - Just now.
- Oh.
What are you getting at? - Come on now.
Come on.
Put me in front of Deion.
Come on, Nick, you could do it.
- I don't know, man.
- Hey, come on, brother.
Look, I know how it is.
People used to come to me with this stuff all the time.
But, look, I'm not asking you to sell him anything, I'm just saying, hey, put it in front of him.
See if he likes it.
If he does, great.
If not, we tried.
- Wow.
Nick, I forgot.
I have a bladder infection, and I need to go home.
- Oh, my God, maybe you guys should get going.
- You know, hey, man, as much as I would love to stay here and talk about this, man, it looks like I have to go home.
- Oh, hey, man, great seeing you.
I'll tell you what.
I'll come by, bring you some product so you can see what you dealing with.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Take my card too.
Here you go.
- All right.
Um, Deandre Walken? Who is that? - Oh, yeah, I got these on sale.
You got a pen? Let me just write that out for you.
Nice pen.
There you go.
- All right.
You got it.
- Oh, wait, the number.
They're sending new ones.
- Okay.
Good seeing you, brother.
- Man, it's go great to see you.
- Hey, that's my - God bless you.
Thank you.
- Nick, I do not like that guy.
"You almost did this, you almost did that.
" He almost got punched in the throat.
- Baby, Craig always joked like that, all right? - It's not a big deal.
- Well, it is to me, okay? Those jokes may have been funny in college, but you're not in college anymore.
- Look, those jokes always said a lot more about him than they did about me.
- And where in the hell do you find an Asian woman named Mimosa? That's not even Asian.
- So, mom, let me get this straight.
I can't drink any soda for breakfast? - No, Kevin, you need to eat more fruit and drink more water.
- What if it's grape soda? - No.
- Orange.
- No.
- Black cherry.
- I'll get it.
Hey.
- Hey, Nick.
How you doing, buddy? - What are you doing here? - Well, you said come on by any time.
- You did? - I'm not interrupting anything, am I? - No, Craig, we were just enjoying a little family time together.
- Oh, yeah, cool.
Hey, who's the bubble-heads? - These are our kids, Kevin and Lindsey.
- Kevin, Lindsey, why don't you go upstairs and finish getting ready for school please? - Thank you.
- Bubble head, my man.
- So what brings you by this early, Craig? - Well, I'm always up and ready to go when I have one of these.
- Energy drinks.
- Activity drink.
- What's the difference? - Well, energy drinks give you energy to do what? Activities.
And when you have enough energy to do your activities, this is waiting on your door for you.
It is so proven.
- Okay.
Honey, I'm gonna go upstairs and take the bubble heads to school, and then I'm gonna go to work, okay? - You have a great day, baby.
- You too.
- You have a great day.
Oh, wait.
Work is an activity.
Please take this with you.
- Oh, no - Ah, no.
No is not an option.
Enjoy it.
- Thank you.
- You are so welcome.
- Bye, babe.
- Bye, babe.
Man, Nick, look at this place.
Whoo! This is beautiful, bro.
I'm proud of you.
You've come a long way.
I used to have a place like this when I was married to my first wife.
But she took it in the divorce.
She ain't make one tackle on that field, but she sure did put an all-out blitz on my bank account.
- You played five years in the leagues.
You didn't sock any of that money away? - Ah, come on, you know how it is.
Bad investments and Hey, I know you heard of the kings of comedy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, well, I did the Dukes of dramedy.
- Duke of dramedy, what's that? - Okay, well, you know how Tyler Perry takes plays and turns 'em into movies? - Yeah.
- We did the opposite.
We took movies, turned them into plays.
Oh, man, we did new Jack city, juice, cotton comes to Harlem, uptown Saturday night, man, we were It was great.
- Ooh, so how'd that work out? - Well, people like movies better.
- Sorry to hear that, man.
- Yeah, man, next thing I know, it was like I never played in the league at all, and all I had to show for it was a bad back and arthritis.
- Look on the bright side.
At least now you can always tell when it's gonna rain.
- Look here, man, I need your help.
I need you to put this in front of Deion for me.
Come on, man.
If he tastes it, I'm telling you, he'll love it.
- Man, come on, I don't know.
He's just coming over for dinner.
- What? He's coming to dinner? Dude, come on.
- Look, I don't want to turn this into a sales pitch.
- Come on, Nick, I mean, I ain't you.
Look at you.
You got the beautiful house, the beautiful wife, kids.
You're on tv, doing your thing.
- What I got? Alimony and child support and arthritis.
Come on.
- All right, man.
Look, just leave some here, and I'll see what I can do.
- My man, Nick.
I knew you wouldn't let me down, baby.
Hey, I'll be right back, though.
- Oh, where you going? - I got to get some more cases t the car.
I'm leave the door open; Don't worry about it.
Hide your hide your kids.
Hide your wife and children! - Let me guess.
Another long night of being hot and single in the city? - Girl, not even.
I was at this club, and - Freeze.
Don't care; Don't want to know.
- What you holding? What's that? This is just some dumb enk that Nick's dumb friend from college wants him and Deion Sanders to endorse.
- Well, you're in luck.
- Why? - 'Cause I need some energy right now.
Oh, activity drink.
Girl, speaking of activity, last night - Freeze.
Still don't care.
- Yuck! How do people drink this stuff? - Hey, dummy, did you see these? It's got vitamins in them.
Mom must have got these so you would have something healthy to drink.
- Cool.
Hey, did you see this? Mom must have got it so you have something to wear on your head.
- I got to tell you, Suzanne, I was a little worried.
You never know what you're walking into when you come to someone's home.
But this was great.
- Aww, thank you.
Was it as great as when you hit a home run and scored a touchdown in the same week? - Not that great, not that great.
- Baby, the man came here for a nice home cooked meal.
I don't think he wants to hear all that.
- It's cool.
It's cool, Nick.
- So, Mr.
Sanders, you played football? - Yeah.
- Baseball? - Mm-Hmm.
- Soccer? - No.
- Boy, sit.
- So, Mr.
Sanders, who do you think has a better reality show, Ochocinco or T.
O.
? - Actually, I think my show was better than both of those guys.
- You have a reality show? - I had one; It got canceled.
- Maybe if you played soccer, it'd still be on.
- I for one loved your show.
I just don't see why you're so against signing autographs.
- Signing autographs, what do you mean? I sign for everyone.
- Oh, good, then you wouldn't mind signing this.
- Martin! - What, you heard the man.
I mean, you practically volunteered, right? - Hey, hey.
Ow! - Don't worry, it won't be the first time someone didn't get what they wanted from Deion.
- What is this about? - 1995, Oakland, California.
You were shooting your music video for must be the money.
I drove all the way to the audition, got the part, got on set, got the dress, and they told me you wanted four girls instead of five, and I was the fifth girl.
- I knew I recognized that dress from somewhere.
- That's right, I took the dress, the shoes, and my broken dreams back to Seattle.
- What do you want from me? - An apology.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.
Can I get a picture? - Gigi.
- Smile for me, 'cause he comin'.
- Gigi.
- Man, first of all, I just want to apologize for everybody's behavior.
That was ridiculous.
- It's cool.
It's cool.
"Neon activity drink"? - I wasn't gonna say anything, but this guy I know wants me to get you involved in his business.
- What's up with him? What's his story? - You know, he's a good guy, an old friend.
He's just looking for an investment and a face for the product.
- You know, everyone's getting into the energy drink business.
- Uh, activity drink.
- I've heard of energy drinks, but what's an activity drink? - You know, it's for activities, you know, like walking, talking, thinking, drinking.
You ever been drinking a drink and feel like a drink? Well, this is that drink.
- Let me tell you what.
I'm a take a look at it.
If fat Joe can have an energy drink, why can't prime? - Activity drink.
You thirsty? - Yeah.
- All right, there you go.
Bam! Orning.
- Gigi, what are you doing? - What does it look like I'm doing? I'm making breakfast, silly.
- For who, the Wayans? - Gigi, what time did you get here? - 4:00.
- What? How did you get in? - Kevin.
- What? I was up.
I couldn't sleep.
- Now what? - I'll get it.
Hello? - Mm.
Damn, this is some good coffee.
- French press.
- Gigi, I didn't know you could cook.
- I couldn't.
But then I read all those cookbooks.
Oh, did y'all know that you can make biscuits? - So who was on the phone this early in the morning? - That was Craig.
He said he had some good news.
He wanted to see if I'd be around later today.
You know, if this thing with Deion goes through, he said he'd give me 10%.
- What's 10% of nothing? - Okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
I will keep an open mind.
Kevin, please go finish getting ready for school, and Lindsey, you too.
- But, uh Okay, you guys are full.
You want some more? You sure? Okay.
- Mm.
Mm.
- I know.
I know.
I know! - Nick.
- Hey.
- You'll never guess what happened.
- Deion's people called my people today, and they loved the drink.
They said all we got to do is sign off, and it's a go.
- Ooh! - Listen, let me talk to you about that 10% thing.
You see, what happened Ooh, wait.
Ah, yes, hello.
Craig Jerome's office.
How may I help you? This is Cynthia speaking.
May I ask who's calling please.
Sure, let me grab him for you.
Craig, there's a gentleman by the name of Deion Sanders on the phone.
Oh, you can put that through, Cynthia.
I'll take it.
Transferring you in now, sir.
You have a wonderful day.
D! What's happening, baby? Uh-huh.
Well, you know, just doing what I do.
Crossing "t"s, dotting "I"s, beating the next guy to the punch, yeah? You like it? Yeah.
Yeah, we'd love to have you on board.
I can meet you this afternoon.
I know the spot.
Yes, I'll see you in a little bit.
My man.
- Yeah! - Whoo! - Uh-huh.
We in.
- Uh-huh.
- We in.
- Can I talk to you about that 5%? - I thought it was 10%.
- Huh? - What happened now? - Thought it was 10%.
- No.
Look, I spoke to the investors, man, and You're out.
- No, wait, wait, what? What investors, man? What? I don't understand.
- I'm sorry, man, it's just that Hey, you was almost rich.
That was bad taste; I'm sorry.
- You know what, man? I don't need the money.
I got everything I need right here.
Keep it.
- For real? Sweet! - This is why you're life is not going well, Craig.
You know, I didn't care about the money.
I never did.
I was happy just helping you out.
For years, I was the only guy saying you were all right.
Man, you didn't even have to offer the money.
I told Deion you were a good guy because I thought you needed a break.
You were almost a good guy.
Man, in college, I looked up to you.
I almost was you.
- Hey, Nick, man, look.
You think I could take the rest of these, because you don't even need 'em anymore, and Deion's on deck.
Take the first two and just put 'em on here for me, and then, um Oh, you ain't feeling that, huh? You know what, I'll come back for 'em.
Sorry.
- You were right about Craig.
- Really? Right about which part? Right about him being a user, right about him being selfish, right about him being a jerk? - All parts, all right? But you'll be happy to know that I told him about himself, and we will no longer be doing business together.
- He cut you out, didn't he? - Like a sex scene in a Disney movie.
- Hey! Where my mineral waters at? I need my neon.
- What's wrong, man? - Oh, my God, Kevin.
How many of these things did you drink? - Please, mom, don't take my drink away, okay? I'll do whatever you ask.
I'll clean my room.
I'll wash the dishes.
I'll even pretend I like Lindsey.
Just please.
- 2,000 milligrams of caffeine.
- 2,000 milligrams? Is that even legal? - I don't know, but the label says it can cause insomnia - That explains Kevin.
- Hyperactivity.
- Hey! Hey! You guys needed a skylight, so I'm gonna put that skylight up.
I'm gonna do that right now! Okay, bye! - Rashes and panic attacks.
Lindsey! - Yeah? - What? - Nick, your friend tried to permanently scar my babies.
- Well, the doctor said it'll be out of their systems by morning.
- Well, at least no one had a panic attack.
- Oh, there's Deion.
- So Deion, what did you think of that last play? - I can't do this.
I can't do this! Big Brother's watching.
Big Brother's always watching.
Get those cameras off me!