Big City Greens (2018) s02e25 Episode Script

[theme song plays]
One, two,
One-two-three-four ♪
[vocalizing]
[chicken clucks]
-[phone rings]
-[chicken clucking]
Get outta here,
ya dang chicken!
Hello. Who is it?
I told you to quit callin'!
There's no way Cricket Green
has a girlfriend.
Gramma, no!
Gimme that. Hello?
Cricket! Hey!
Well, if it isn't
Gabriella Carlita Espinosa,
my girlfriend!
It's finally happened.
I'm losin' it.
Ernest, I'm comin' for ya.
-I'm comin' for ya!
-So what's up, Gabs?
[Gabriella] Well I just got back
from Montreal,
And I was wondering
if you wanted to hang out.
Let's do it! Wait
No mushy stuff, right?
No, gross!
I just wanted to see
the new America Rat movie.
"America Rat!
He'll save your babies-- ♪
Without spreading rabies! ♪
Ha-ha! Let's go see it tonight!
Great! The only thing is
my parents can't
take me tonight,
and they won't let me go
without a chaperone.
Do you know anyone
who could take us?
-Hmmm
-[Bill sighs]
You're supposed
to get rid of anything
that doesn't spark joy.
But every single one
of you guys sparks joy to me!
I know just the guy.
See you soon! Hey, Dad!
Can you drive me and Gabriella
to the movies later?
-Who's Gabriella?
-She's my girlfriend!
-[stunned efforts]
-Yeah, she's real fun and cool
and likes doin' pranks with me.
Anyway, you wanna chaperone?
Me? Of course!
I'd be happy to!
So, you gonna get her flowers?
Have romantic music?
Eat gourmet food?
Nah, we're gonna
see America Rat!
[hisses] America Rat.
But you can see
a movie any ol' time.
-A first date is supposed to be special.
-No, no, no. It's not a date.
It's just a boyfriend
and a girlfriend seeing a movie!
Anyway I gotta go
get ready. [slurps]
Holy cow.
Cricket's got a date.
My son has come to me
to chaperone
this special evening.
Bill Green, you're gonna
give these two
the best first date ever!
[laughs]
Gabriella!
Gonna see Gabriella
Gonna see Gabriella ♪
Gonna see-- ♪
Uh
Your chariot awaits!
Uh Dad?
What's with all of this?
I just want to look nice
for your "not date".
And I already regret
asking you to chaperone.
-Maybe Gramma can--
-Oooh, don't worry.
I'm just here to drive you
from point A to point B
and make sure everything
is absolutely perfect.
[coughing and chocking]
Ah! Dad! What is that?
Ooh, just a little cologne
and breath spray.
Oh-- Ohhh!
-[hacking and gagging]
-Uh, come on son.
Let's get in the truck.
Hey, Gabs!
This is my dad.
Try not to make eye contact.
Enchanté.
-I am your chaperone chauffeur.
-'Sup?
[Cricket] Dad, please,
never do that again.
Would you kids
like some music?
-No, thanks. And you're doing it anyways.
-[love song plays]
So which America Rat sequel
is your favorite?
-What?
-Which sequel is your favorite?
-What?!
-I said-- [groans]
Sorry about that.
You were sayin'?
Well, if I had to choose,
-I'd say--
-You and me ♪
Are gonna be ♪
- An item forever ♪
-[groans]
[Gabriella]
Yeah so
I really like America Rat 7,
Part 2 and a half--
-And I love, love ♪
-Oh yeah, that's a good one-- No!
[Cricket] Well, I'd say
my favorite America Rat
is the one where Canada Cat
[shouts] turns Times Circle
-into a giant litter box and--
-[song continues]
[singer vocalizing]
[Singer]
I love you.
So, what do you think
this song's about?
Hey, look! There's
the movie theater!
That's two hours
of uninterrupted silence.
Uh Dad? You, uh
missed the turn.
Actually, I thought
we could grab a bite to eat
before the movie starts.
Ooh! Can we go
to Burger Clown?
They've started
doing this thing
where they hide the toy
inside the burger!
It's supposed
to be disgusting.
Yeah, Burger Clown!
You heard the lady,
so don't you dare saying--
Actually, I already have
a great place in mind! [chuckles]
Is your Dad planning something?
Nah, he always makes
this weird face
when he's plannin'
something really bad.
and I haven't seen it yet,
so we should be
in the clear.
We're here.
Ahhh! The face!
What are you
up to, old man?
Look to the heavens
and see for yourself.
Tonight, we eat at a spinning
restaurant in the sky!
Ohhh, no.
-[elevator dings]
-[gasps]
What is this place?!
Sweet, mournful music.
Rich people that don't smile
when they laugh.
[snooty chuckle]
And moody, romantic lighting
that leads to
Mmmwah!
[moans]
As the restaurant slowly spins,
your table has an excellent
view of the city.
And if there is any dish
you'd like to start with,
I'm happy to place an order.
Hm. It's tough to pick from
the quarto form-a-guy,
the crust-ineye
with pros-cutto,
or the gnocki baloney.
You know what, let's just go
for the ol' breadsticks
with marinara.
[strained]
Very good, sir.
It's for my son's first date.
-Dad!
-Hum?!
You're right, son.
The music is all wrong!
You kids sit tight.
We'll be right back.
[sighs] Aw man,
Gabriella,
I'm sorry my Dad's bein'
all weird and whatnot.
Oh, my gosh, I'm glad
you said something
because wow.
Him taking us
to this mushy restaurant
was all his idea, I swear!
[chuckles]
don't let him get to you.
We'll make this dinner fun.
This place is full
of snooty rich people.
And there is
no one in the world
more fun to prank
than a snooty rich person.
Pranking the rich?
That is the first good idea
I have heard all night!
-C'mon, let's go!
-[they chuckle]
Hey, kids! I found
this chocolate fountain.
I thought we could--
Huh? Where'd they go?
-Cheers! To money!
-[snooty laughter]
[evil laughter]
Hats off to being rich!
-[gasps]
-Ohh ohh
Oh, no! My worst fear
has come true!
I look silly!
Such vulgarity.
Come dear, we're leaving.
-Whoa!
-Richard!
What the devil?
Someone seems
to have tied my ankles
together with pasta!
Blast, it's al dente!
Throw me a fork, Martha.
I'm gonna have to eat
my way out of this one.
[chews]
Cricket.
Oh, look! My dinner is ruined
on the one night a year
I go out!
[insane laughter]
Joke's on me I guess.
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
My love?
Where are you my love?
Follow the sound of my lips!
-[kissing]
-[struggling]
Somebody toucha my spaghet!
Who on Earth is doing
all this?! Ahh!
[laughing]
Try dipping one in marinara.
-[Rich snob screams]
-Whoa, good suggestion!
-How should we top that?
-Hmm. I'm not sure if we can
Wait a minute. I got it!
Let's get this place
really spinnin'.
-[quiet laughter]
-[Cricket groans then laughs]
Is it just me or was this
weirdly easy--
Whoa! Yeah, this makes sense.
Just what on earth
are you two doing?!
Look Dad, I'm sorry
for pullin' those sick pranks.
-[fake cough] Really sick.
-And ruinin' the restaurant--
No, what you're doing is ruining what
could be a perfect first date!
What?! I told
this is not a date!
Not at this rate it's not!
And that's why
I am calling upon
my authority as a chaperone!
You two are gonna do
this first date right!
We'll stay here
all night if we have to.
-All night. [gulp]
-[they gasp]
Now we're gonna have
a proper date.
Take small bites of food.
Do not touch the candle!
We do not glug the water.
We sip-sip-sip-sip.
Tuck your napkin in your shirt.
And give your date compliments.
And when we're done with that,
we give 'em more compliments!
Can we get some music
over here?
Do you know the song "I love love,
love love love, love you"?
Uh yes, I know that tune.
-You know what to do.
-Sir, this is one dollar.
One, two, three, four!
-[music playing]
-Ya hear that?
It's that song
you liked from the truck!
What are the odds?!
Now date!
Now to watch
the perfect date unfold.
Small bites, small bites,
small bites. Yes!
Small sips.
Yes! Yes, yes!
Now, Cricket, bring it home
with the compliments!
Me-me-me li-ike your--
[sobs]
Hmm. Didn't quite
stick the landing.
Is this date headed south?
If things were really that bad,
Cricket would be making
that face he always makes.
[sobbing]
Ahh! The face!
Oh, the boy looks miserable.
Cricket trusted me to be a good chaperone,
and I messed it up big time.
Dang it, Bill, ya gotta
do something to fix this!
Their final prank.
Wait, sir!
Don't pull that lever!
You'll ruin your son's date!
It's not a date.
Uh, what's happening?
Ohh, no!
[screaming]
Uhh Ahh!
Oh! Hey-ah! Yeah! Ooh!
-[elevator dings]
-[screaming]
Next time, Terry
I pick the restaurant.
-Oof!
-Oof!
-Oof! [laughs]
-Whoa! [laughs]
-Dad!
-Hey, kids!
Before I black out from all
the blood rushing to my head,
I just want to say [groans]
Son, I'm sorry for putting so
much pressure on you tonight.
Thanks, Dad.
I needed to hear that.
I'm just a kid right now,
and I wanna have fun!
Not worry
about date stuff. Hup.
Loud and clear. [groans] Agh!
And Gabriella, I'm sorry
for making this whole night really weird!
Nah, it's cool.
[screaming]
-Ah Whoa!
-Whoa, he-heh.
-Aww! Oof!
-Aww! Oof!
[Gabriella]
Uh, help, please!
-[gasps] Gabriella!
-[gasps] Gabriella!
That was not only the greatest
thing I have ever experienced,
you are the best
chaperone ever!
And if things always
gonna get this crazy,
I'm gonna need you to chaperone
for us all the time!
[chuckles] Well, Cricket,
what do you think?
Maybe you just drop us off
and pick us up.
It's a date.
Now looks like we have
just enough time
to see a certain Rat win
the heart of a nation.
-Yay!
-Yay!
Just where do you
think you're going?
Oh. Right. We destroyed
another restaurant.
-Huh?
-Ha-ha, oh that's how it's gonna be, eh?
-Take that!
-[they all laugh]
Oh! They'll be tellin'
this story at your wedding!
[Cricket] What?
[Corbyn] If you don't make room
for my soup,
I am going to scream!
[Jayme] Corbyn, we all have soup
on this table,
there's just no room.
[Corbyn]
Ahh! My soup!
-Ahhhh!
-Corbyn! Grr!
[Announcer]
You're watching Snug Lil' Room!
-What is this?!
-Alice! Oh.
-Well, uh it's
-[Announcer] Three dozen young adults
trapped in one extremely
cramped bachelor apartment!
It's a trashy reality show.
I-like-it-don't-judge-me.
So what, it's like
a soap opera?
No. It's real. Maybe.
Count me in. Scootch.
-Gladly!
-What on earth are y'all watchin'?
Some show where everyone's up
in each others biz-nizz!
[sobs] If Marco bumps into me
like one more time
- Oops.
-[screams] Eat it!
It mostly shows
that people go crazy
when they don't have
their own space.
I dunno, Gloria.
Cricket and I have been
sharing a room
since we were little babies.
-And we're doin' good.
-Yah!
Tilly's easy!
She's like a house plant.
And everyone loves
livin' with Cricket.
He's great! Anyways, goodbye.
I'm gonna go in the yard
and try to ride that goat!
And I am going to entertain
myself quietly in our bedroom.
See? A houseplant.
Now let's get a goat!
What a ridiculous notion.
To think that Cricket
and I, brother and sister,
would ever butt heads!
Clearly our relationship
is as solid and sound
as this house of cards.
Hmm
Cricket's dang secret entrance.
-[Cricket laughing]
-[Goat bleats angrily.]
Ohh! Aw.
So this is why it's always
so drafty in our room.
Hum?! What was that, Saxon?
Well, I could do that.
Sharing a room should be
about considering
each others needs after all.
And I need it to be
less drafty in here.
[Jayme] Melanie, if you don't
get out of my chair,
I'll peel you like a grape!
You always say that,
but you never have the--
Ah crud, my brain broke!
No, the cables out.
-Bill?
-Bill!
-Bill!
-[both] Bill!
Hey, you two. I think the wind
knocked out your cable connection.
Fix it or else I'll peel
you like a grape!
-But I'm your son!
-[laughs]
Well, I'm glad I can
still make you laugh.
OK. I'll be outside
fixin' the cable.
Heheh Now what?
There. Stable and harmonious.
-[bang]
-[Cricket] Aw!
-[bang]
-[Cricket moans] Ah, what the heck?
Who ding danged closed up
the ding dang, aw!
Tilly! Call the police!
Someone boarded up my hole!
I boarded up your hole.
Uh, to help me how?!
Well, I was getting chilly,
and if we are both considerate
of each others needs, then--
Tilly, you don't have
any needs! Right?
Houseplants are
supposed to be easy.
That's you. You're
supposed to be easy!
Grr! I am not a houseplant!
And you are selfish!
Hah? Ha-bah? Wha? Heh? Hah?
How long has it been
since the cable went out?
-Five minutes.
-Gaaah!
I think I'm going through
drama withdrawal!
The pettiness the politics!
The lying! The screaming!
-The back stabbing!
-The back stabbing!
I never knew how badly I needed
to watch idiots stuck in a house
fight with each other!
-[Tilly] Well--
-[Cricket] Unbelievable!
-Listen to me for once!
-OK, I'm up to here with you.
-This is my room too!
-You can't just board up
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Tilly was just way out of line.
It's my room too,
I should be able to have
a secret entrance!
This feels weird.
Oh, no. Just keep
monologuing to us.
You were talkin' about
how upset Tilly made you?
Right! So. Tilly thinks
she can mess with my stuff,
then I can mess with hers, too.
Today has been a bit
of a wake-up call for Tilly.
After all, our bedroom belongs
to both Cricket and me.
So I should have a say in whether or not
we should have a hole in the wall.
I feel my only option
is to retaliate.
Ooh-hoo-hoo! A juicy conflict.
Oh, wait. Do your Gramma duties require
you to do anything about this?
It'll build Character if they
figure it out on their own.
Then retaliate away!
Now, if you'll excuse us,
we're gonna go make popcorn.
[laughing]
Hey! What do you think
you're doing?
Well, since you boarded up
my secret entrance,
I figured the new rule is each
of us can do whatever we want.
So I'mma use your fancy
schmancy mirror. Mwah! Mwah!
In that case, I think
I'd like to have Phoenix
sleep by me for a change!
Okay, that's pushing it!
Phoenix always sleeps by me!
She's my dog too, Cricket.
You know I'm starting
to think Gloria was right.
Maybe this tiny room ain't big
enough for the both of us.
-Whatchu tryin' ta say?
-What I'm tryin' ta say is,
there is only one way
to solve this.
-What do you think we missed?
-What in blue blazes?
-[Cricket groans]
-[both groaning]
-You stay outta my half!
-And you stay out of mine! Hum!
Oh, my gosh!
You guys literally split
your room in two!
Wait, why didn't you
divide it in half?
-We did.
-We did.
No, no, like a line
down the center.
Left and right sides?
Gloria, that's ridiculous.
Left and right change
all the time.
This is left, this is right.
Now that's left
and that's right.
And now this is left,
and that's right!
See? No good.
But up and down
are always true.
That's crazy.
Am I right, Alice?
Good work, kids.
Makes perfect sense.
Ugh, never mind.
I obviously got the better
end of the deal,
what with the floor and all.
I disagree
because I can do this.
Whee! Ah.
See? Sky dwellers rule.
What?! That's so cool!
[coughs] I mean, lame!
Hey, Tilly, watch this.
It's in your room,
now it's not!
It's in your room,
now it's not! Ha-ha!
Really?! Your shoe?
-[groans]
-I'm team Cricket.
-He's funny!
-I'm team Tilly.
She's savage.
Well, at least you're
out of ammo. Aw!
A third shoe?!
Ha-ha! Well, this is fun.
But I need a juice break.
Ahh! Aww.
Oh! Whoopsie!
Did I leave my ba-na-na
in the hallway?
Oh, whoopsie.
Did I leave my lasso
-around your ankle?
-Whoa!
How is a Tilly supposed
to use the hallway
with banana peels lying around?
[spits] And how is
a Cricket supposed to walk
with lassos lying around?
Looks like our problem
is still unresolved!
-Hmmm!
-Hmmm!
-Hmmm?
-Hmmm?
-We split the house!
-We split the house.
Kitchen? Split.
I control the liquid juice.
I actually prefer
frozen juice concentrate.
Livingroom. Split!
[groans, groans]
[whispering]
That's so cool!
Agh! Are you jealous
of my grabbing forks?
Are you jealous of my TV?
Wait, what happened
to the cable?
Bathroom! Yah! Split!
Just close the door.
I can figure this out.
[whistles]
Gramma and Gloria? Split.
I get their heads and faces.
Have fun with butts, Cricket.
Pfft! Joke's on Tilly!
I'll talk to butts! I love it!
Ugh. Anyways,
how are you two doing today?
OK, this stinks.
I'mma do something
about this. Hup!
-[thunder]
-[Bill] Ooh, that doesn't sound good.
[Cricket]
Gaaaah-- Oof! Ugh
Ha-ha! I got
my secret exit back!
How you likin'
that breeze, Tilly?
Hmph. Two can play these games.
[groans, groans]
Oh man, I thought
the two of you went to bed.
I'm gonna put on
some coffee! BRB!
Uh! Cricket
Uh. Looks like I
Uh! Have a secret exit too. Ha!
Oh, look. Rain.
Delicious.
Hey, what's goin on--
haa Aahh?
What are y'all doin'
to my house?!
I must admit, I think we let
things get out of hand.
We'll have to stop exploiting
the the kids for fun.
-And intervene.
-What?!
But we can't stop here!
I need the drama.
Well, it has to end soon
before my house falls apart.
Don't these show have
like a big finale or something?
Yes, they do.
[coughs] Standing before me tonight are
two strong contestants.
Cricket, you are selfish
and irresponsible.
And it's nice to see you get
put in your place for once.
I mean, it's true.
But I don't. Take. Criticism.
Tilly, you grew out of your nice shell
for the sake of justice.
I respect that. But I'm 99% sure you ate
all of my cherry lip balm.
It's clear that the two of you
can no longer share a space.
So whoever receive
this rose may stay.
The other must
pack your bags and leave!
-Wait-- Leave?!
-Wait-- Leave?!
Yes. Leave. Move out. Scram!
No, hold on. I don't want
Tilly to move out!
And I don't want Cricket
to move out either!
-Aww, ya mean it, Tilly?
-I mean it, brother.
Well, too bad! That's not
how reality TV works!
One of you has
to leave the island!
One of you has to go!
And that person is
-[inhales]
-Now hold on one second.
-Ahh!
-What is this?
Whoever gets kicked out
of their room
must live in the basement
with Gloria.
What?!
[sobs] Betrayal.
So go ahead, Gloria.
Choose who has to go.
I didn't know we'd get
to live with Gloria!
Let's both live with Gloria!
-Gloria! Gloria!
-Nooo!
Ugh! Die! Die! Die!
Die, die, die! Die!
It's suddenly occurred
to me that it's wrong
to view real people's
suffering as entertainment.
You guys can keep
sharing your room.
And therefore not sleeping
anywhere near me.
-All right!
-Whoo-hoo!
I'm sorry for calling you
a house plant, Tilly.
We can keep my secret exit
closed if you want.
Well, how about this,
you can keep the secret exit,
and I can hang up some wind chimes
to enjoy the breeze!
[loud noise]
Guh! Well, I don't love it,
but it's a fair deal.
Hey, guys! I finally
fixed the cable.
So you can go back
to watching that show.
-It's back!
-Get outta my way!
Wait, is it wrong
to watch reality TV
now that we know
the harm it can cause?
We don't know
the people on TV,
so it doesn't count!
[cheer and laugh]
Aw, they must've been
real bored. Hm--?
What on earth happened here?!
Good TV!
I got sweat in my eyes ♪
Lost a bet and
Got bit by a hundred flies ♪
I fell out a big old tree ♪
Hit every branch and
Scraped up both my knees ♪
I got chased by dogs
Licked by a frog ♪
Got a rash on my legs ♪
Dropped a dozen eggs ♪
I got splinters ♪
In seven of ten ♪
And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪