The Proud Family (2001) s02e25 Episode Script

(Wizard Kelly)
Come one, come all.
It's time for Wizard Kelly's
Tween Idol P.D., y'all.
The P.D. stands
for "public domain,"
'cause the Wizard doesn't like
paying royalties, y'all.
In this contest,
the Wizard is the only one
that'll get paid.
So I guess the P.D.
really stands for
"Pass the ducats," y'all.
Well, if Wizard Kelly's the only one
who gets paid, what do we get?
(Wizard) Winners receive
a recording contract
on Wizard Kelly Records,
a worldwide musical tour,
a movie deal
with Wizard Kelly Studios,
and a variety
of commercial endorsements.
And last but not least, an opportunity
to sing with the pop diva herself,
Alicia Keys, y'all.
(LaCienega)
Alicia Keys!
She's my idol.
Shoot, Alicia Keys
ain't got nothing on Suga Mama.
Now, step aside.
But Suga Mama, what are you
doing here?
Showing you young'uns
how it's done.
Next.
Hey, hey.
(kids' chatter)
Oh.
I'm ready for my close-up now,
Mr. DeMille.
Mr. DeMille?
Didn't he die 50 years ago,
when you got your first
Social Security check?
(laughs)
No.
That's when I got my first cane.
The Proud Family
What? ♪
You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I'm loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I'm heading off to school ♪
You know there's no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They'll make you scream ♪
They make you want to sing ♪
It's a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They'll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Yeowch!
(laughs)
This is so exciting.
I can't wait to show 'em
what I'm working with.
(girl crying)
He's evil! He's
evil!
-Wow.
-(Percival) If there's anyone out there
with a shred of talent,
please come forward.
Oh, Penny,
it's your turn.
Uh-uh.
It-it's LaCienega's turn.
Uh, Zoey, you go first.
Guys, I'm not ready.
I don't handle rejection well.
Well, I'm ready.
It's like what Debbie Allen said,
"If you want fame,
fame costs,
and right here is
where you start paying."
Now, step aside.
This may not be the Apollo,
but it's definitely show time.
Wow.
You're Alicia Keys.
I love you, girl.
I have all your records.
And you're Randy Jackson.
You look much thinner in person.
That's because
I'm the real Randy Jackson.
(hums "Thriller")
Hoo!
Okay, kid,
the meter's running.
He was a famous trumpet man ♪
from out Chicago way ♪
He had a boogie style
that no else could play ♪
-He was the top man ♪
-Stop!
Stop, stop!
(blows note)
Am I in?
No. You're out,
like that hideous song,
and your sparkly
bugle boy outfit.
Next!
He's evil!
He's the evil!
Well, that makes it unanimous.
Ten out of ten kids think he's evil.
Well, this is a talent competition.
Then, what is she doing here?
(LaCienega)
Agatha Ordinario?!
It think I'm going to be sick.
Yoo-hoo! Hey, you guys.
-(all) Hey.
-What's cracking?
I hope not your voice.
(laughing and snorting)
Wow!
Everybody's here.
This competition is going to be
off the chain, gang.
Get it?
Chain gang.
(laughs and snorts)
Uh, well, I wish y'all luck.
I've got to go warm up.
Bye.
-Ugh.
-(Percival) Next!
Pardon me, bro ♪
Is that the
Chattanooga choo-choo? ♪
Next!
Frankie and Johnnie
were lovers ♪
Oh, Lordy,
how they could love ♪
(Percival)
Next!
(singing operatically)
(Percival)
Next!
Y'all know I'm a star ♪
(Percival)
Next!
And crown thy good ♪
with brotherhood ♪
from sea to ♪
shining sea ♪
Wow.
That was hot to death.
-You were wonderful.
-I am?
Well, you're
not too bad yourself, Alicia.
Whoa, no. ♪
I'm talking about her, Randy.
Miss Boulevardez.
Finally, someone worthy
of the Tween Idol title.
(Percival)
You, young lady,
-are going to the next round.
-(applause)
Alicia, what has Randy got to do
to get a date with you?
What has Randy got to do
to get a date with you? Woo! ♪
(Alicia) Go on with your bad self, girl.
(Dijonay) Oh, girlfriend.
Don't feel bad, LaCienega.
Yeah. Percival wouldn't
recognize talent if it bit him.
Well, I guess he got bit,
because I'm going
to the next round.
Blinker! (laughs)
(all gasping)
What?
You? Why did they pick you?
Because, unlike you, Bugle Boy,
I can blow.
Bye.
(woman)
Announcement.
Announcement.
Pay attention now.
(chattering)
I said "Announcement,"
you Neanderthals!
(silence)
Thank you.
As you all probably know,
yesterday was the tryouts
for Wizard Kelly's
Tween Idol P.D., y'all.
Though most of you were
soundly rejected,
Willy T. Ribs Middle School
will be represented
by none other than the very talented,
LaCienega Boulevardez.
(cheering and applause)
Yeah, LaCienega!
I know her!
Also representing
Willy T. Ribs Middle School,
will be the equally talented,
Agatha Ordinario.
(laughs and snorts)
Her?!
How did they pick ug-ilicious?
I don't know.
Maybe she has talent.
Please. When you have talent,
you don't look like that.
Hey, LaCienega.
Congratulations, girl.
Isn't it amazing,
that out of the entire country, two girls
from the same school made it?
Give me some of 'dat.
Well, it's amazing
for one girl.
And that would be you.
(laughter)
LaCienega,
that wasn't nice.
But it was true.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
I need to write my
acceptance speech.
Uh (clears throat)
Excuse me, LaCienega.
May I have a word with you?
I'm busy right now,
Mr. Proud.
Hit it, Mr. Chimp.
The Proud Snacks,
all-cotton T-shirt,
comes in a v-neck
with split sides,
and a picture of the Tween Idol,
i.e. you, on the front,
and the Tween Idol's name,
i.e. yours,
printed along the back.
The hat is quite comfortable,
in both arctic and tropical,
climates.
It all can be yours,
LaCienega,
if you sign on the dotted line.
(laughs) That's cute.
Let me think about it.
My people will talk
to your people.
Hey, Daddy,
why don't you ask Agatha?
She's in the Tween Idol
contest, too.
-(horse neighing)
-Whoa! What?
Baby girl,
I'm trying to make dough,
not dress a scarecrow.
LaCienega, wait up!
I once was lost ♪
But now I'm found ♪
Was blind ♪
but now I see ♪
(cheering and applause)
Agatha Ordinario, everybody.
Give it up, one more time,
for Agatha.
I'm Brian Dunkelman.
We love you,
Brian Dunkelman!
You're so fine!
Thank you.
I appreciate the love.
Now let's see what
our esteemed panel of judges
have to say.
The real Randy Jackson.
You've got talent, girl.
Shake your body down
to the ground.
Hee hee ♪
You're on your way
to the top.
And me? I'm on my way
to a date with the beautiful
Alicia Keys.
(sings notes)
Hmm. Judging
by the look on her face,
I don't think so, Randy.
-Thank you, Brian.
-Hoo!
Well, sis, I just want to say,
you were sanging .
Now, I didn't say "singing."
I said, "sanging."
So, go on
with your bad self, girl.
Okay, it's time to hear
from the Prince of Pettiness,
none other than,
the persnickety Percival.
Look, Agatha,
you certainly have talent,
stage presence,
and a modicum of courage.
(applause)
But this is
the Tween Idol contest.
"Tween,"
as in young person,
and "Idol,"
as in someone other kids
would want to emulate.
So, let's be blunt.
No one wants to be like you.
-(all gasp)
-Why?
Because you do not look
-the part.
-(crowd booing)
I do, however, foresee
a great voice-over career for you.
(crowd booing)
Boo!
(laughing)
Those were harsh words,
Petty P.
But the good news, Ogatha
I mean
(clears throat) Agatha,
is that he doesn't vote.
The people do.
Okay, you heard
our four contestants.
Now it's time to hear from you,
our studio audience.
With the push of a button,
you will determine which two talented
tweens will compete
next week for the title of
Tween Idol P.D., y'all.
Thank you.
And the vote is in.
Our two finalists
for the Tween Idol P.D.,
y'all title are
LaCienega Boulevardez,
(cheering and applause)
and Agatha Ordinario.
(cheering and applause)
OK. How's everyone
coming along with their signs?
Mr. Chips?
Mr. Chips, this is horrible!
This is not what I asked for!
I told you to upper-case letters,
like this.
Suga Mama, what in
the Cypress Hill are you doing?
Son, I just didn't want you
to get sued for false advertisement.
Daddy.
Penny, what are you doing?
We're trying to get LaCienega
to endorse Proud Snax.
Well, I'm endorsing Agatha.
You and everybody else assume,
that just because LaCienega is pretty,
she's going to win.
I'm not assuming.
I am banking on it.
(frustrated groan)
America, America ♪
God shed his grace on thee ♪
And crown thy good ♪
with brotherhood ♪
From sea to shining sea ♪
Sea, sea. ♪
(applause)
LaCienega Boulevardez.
Man, give it up.
Ooh, so what did you think, judges?
Alicia?
Two words, y'all.
Tween Idol.
Two strong words.
How about you,
the Real Randy Jackson?
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Whatever my woman says,
I'm down with that.
Jam on! Hoo!
Percy?
You, LaCienega,
are the total package.
Beauty, grace and talent.
As far as I'm concerned,
you are the Tween Idol.
(cheering)
Well, there's a saying
in this business
"It ain't over until the Agatha sings."
Give it up for Agatha Ordinario.
There'll be a time ♪
when we can't go on ♪
Just when it's getting close ♪
something else goes wrong ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
But the worst thing
you can do ♪
Is just run away
from your face ♪
Just listen to your heart,
don't cry ♪
Keep holding on ♪
and never let it ♪
Ggo ♪
(cheering)
Keep holding on ♪
(cheering)
All right, judges.
You heard the song.
You heard the audience.
Now it's time to hear from you.
Alicia?
Oh, my goodness.
Agatha, if LaCienega is Tween Idol,
you are Tween Goddess.
-(snorting laugh)
-Randy dandy?
It takes a goddess
to know a goddess.
So I agree with my goddess.
Hoo!
Well, we've got two goddesses,
one queen,
and Agatha's got a straight flush.
What do you say, Percival?
(sobbing)
You, Agatha, are perfection.
(cheering)
Well, that makes it unanimous.
Now it's time to find out
who our studio audience chose
to be the next
Tween Idol P.D., y'all.
But I think we all
know the answer.
Thank you.
And the new Tween Idol,
who will also receive
a recording contract,
and appear in concert
with the wonderful
Alicia Keys is
Congratulations, Ordinario.
It's plain to see, the winner is
LaCienega Boulevardez.
-(audience gasps)
-Me!
(laughs)
-Woo!
-(Oscar) That's my girl!
That is my girl. She knows
what's happening! Whoop, there it is.
What?!
This doesn't make sense.
You guys heard Agatha.
You guys heard the crowd.
There's no way LaCienega
should have won.
Oh, child, stop hating.
You just don't like that Boulevardez girl.
Besides, there's
no way to cheat.
It's all done by computer.
Hey, Sticky, you agree with me,
don't you?
Hey, I'm just hoping your girl
hook a brother up,
introduce me to Alicia Keys.
Hey, LaCienega. Congrats, girl!
We've got to do something
about this Dijonay.
It's not right.
For a man to be that fine.
I know what you're saying,
girlfriend.
Hey! Randy Jackson!
Can I have your autograph?
(man)
Psst! Psst!
Hey, kid, over here.
You're right. Boulevardez
shouldn't have won this thing.
Who are you?
You don't want to know.
Brian Dunkelman?!
Hey, hey, hey!
Not so loud.
A man's got to work
in this town.
Anyway, the contest was rigged.
Rigged?!
This is the raw data
from the audience electronic vote.
Why are you giving this to me?
Why don't you do something about it?
Mr. Dunkelman?
Dunkelman?
Hey, where did he go?
(Sticky chuckling)
-Come on, Sticky!
-Girl, what you doing?
I was talking
to my future wife.
Wow, this is
state-of-the-art encryption.
It's going to take a genius
to crack this bad boy.
So how long is it
going to take you?
Like I said,
it would take a genius. Done.
Dang, this is worse
than I thought.
I figure at least her family
would have voted for her.
Who's the poor judge of talent
who voted for LaCienega?
LaCienega is the winner-ga ♪
Ah, yee-yee-yee ♪
So is Oscar, so is Oscar ♪
Ah, chee-chee-chee-chee-cha ♪
(coughs)
Hey, kids, um, I was just, um,
just monkeying around.
Hey, why aren't you across the street
at the Boulevardez celebration party?
Uh, we've been looking
into something, Daddy.
Hey, guess what Tween Idol is the
new spokes-tween for Proud Snax?
Could it be "LaCienega
the winner-ga?"
Don't mock me, boy.
All right, Mr. Chips,
grab the T-shirts and caps,
and let's make some money.
LaCienega is the winner-ga ♪
But but Daddy, she didn't win.
What are you talking about, Penny?
Don't you hear the song?
LaCienega is the winner-ga ♪
But the contest-uh
was a-rigged-uh ♪
Daddy, we got proof,
right here on this disk.
We've got to go
tell the wizard.
-We do?
-Yeah.
Hmm, so that disk could be
the difference in me making
millions of dollars,
as opposed to
the mere hundreds I now make.
Hmm, that's quite a dilemma.
Lock the door, Mr. Chips.
This is like The Shining,
where we call
the monkeyshines.
Daddy, why are you
looking at me like that?
Daddy?!
Run, Sticky!
Chips, over here!
(yells)
Got it!
Let's go, Sticky! Let's go!
Don't be giving me those monkey eyes.
You're lucky I don't turn you into bread.
And you know how much
I like monkey bread.
Thank you for seeing us
on short notice, Mr. Wizard,
but me and my associate
thought you should know
Your Tween Idol contest is fixed.
Ooh-wee!
That's some
mighty inflammatory word,
my little knee-high spy.
I, however, would require proof
before I could take any such action.
Ta-dow!
The secret voting results.
Hmm, hmm, hmm. This here looks like
the property of the Wizard.
How did you happen to come by it?
Does it really matter
how I got this?
Shouldn't truth, justice
and the American way
guide your conscience?
Oh, no. The incredibly fine, fine print
on this intentionally biased
to benefit the Wizard contract
guides my conscience.
And I quote, "The producer,"
that's me, y'all,
"can alter the voting results
at my discretion in the event
the outcome
does not suit my fancy."
But that's cheating.
No, it's a fix.
You see, pretty sells and ugly repels.
Money, that is.
Maybe we should just go to the media
and get the public
on our side.
Oops, I accidentally
pushed the delete button,
which erased all the evidence
on this diskotette.
How clumsy of me.
Oh, well.
I believe this, now worthless
and broken piece of plastic,
belongs to you, Penny Proud.
So what? We can still go public.
It's your word against mine.
May the best and the richest, man win.
Oops, I guess that's me again,
y'all.
Oh, Klaus?
(barking)
Good evening, sir.
Good evening.
(growls)
(screams)
Get out, before I call security!
LaCienega, chill. It's us.
Sticky, get off me.
(Sticky)
Don't do that!
LaCienega,
I've got to talk to you.
The Wizard told me
all about it.
He told you
he fixed the contest?
No. But he told me
you would say that.
LaCienega, it's true.
And it's up to you,
to set the record straight.
Proud, even if I did believe
your ridiculous story,
you actually expect me to ruin my life
for little Miss Plain Jane?
I don't think so.
You know, LaCienega,
what goes around, comes around.
It's called bad karma.
Well, Proud, you've got bad timing
and bad taste in clothes.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my show must go on.
Your show only goes on
because you're prettier than Agatha.
But you know what, LaCienega?
For all it's worth,
I'm looking at you right now
and I've never seen anyone uglier.
(gasps)
Ladies and gentlemen,
your Tween Idols.
Give it up.
They're all winners.
But, of course, there's one
that stands above the crowd.
What's this for?
The voting's over.
(reading)
"I know it was you. The Wiz."
Sic him, boys.
Oh! Oh, somebody call my agent!
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
I will be your host
for the remainder of the evening.
It is now time
for the highlight of our show,
where Tween Idol,
LaCienega Boulevardez,
will sing with her idol,
Alicia Keys.
Yeah! Thank you.
But please, give it up for LaCienega.
Isn't she wonderful y'all?
Wait a minute!
Stop the music.
Alicia, you're really my idol,
and I've always wanted
to sing with you,
but I shouldn't be here
with you right now.
This stage, this moment,
belongs to Agatha Ordinario,
the real Tween Idol.
-(Oscar) What in the
-(gasping)
Oh, no. No, no.
Wow.
Did she really say that, Penny?
Yeah, girl. Go on. Get out out there.
Go on.
(audience cheering)
In and out of love ♪
with you ♪
I keep on ♪
falling in and out ♪
of love ♪
with you ♪
I never ♪
loved someone ♪
The way that I loved you ♪
I never ♪
loved someone ♪
The way that I loved you ♪
-Hee-hee!
-(Agatha) LaCienega,
I just want to thank you.
I love you, girl.
Don't thank me. I did it because
Proud put a hex on me.
She's the one who told me
about that karma stuff.
And I'm warning you, Proud,
if I don't
-get something out of this
-Hey, LaCienega,
I'm about to go get a bite
to eat with Freddy, Tito,
whatever his name is.
But before I go,
I'm shooting a video tomorrow
and I was wondering
if you want to be in it.
Really?
What about Agatha?
Oh, she's in it,
but she said it wouldn't be fair
to do it without you.
She did?
I'd love to be in your video.
Did you hear that, Proud?
Hey, you know what they say,
What goes around, comes around.