Big Nate (2022) s02e26 Episode Script

[groaning]
- Nate, I told you to
throw all this junk away.
- I did.
But Gram and Gramps
brought over more
of their so-called gifts.
[truck beeping]
- Enjoy the family
heirlooms, kids.
- We're doing this
because we love you.
[melodic honking]
[doorbell ringing]
- Aw, shucks.
Coming.
If could just find--oh!
Uh, hello?
- Oh my gosh, you don't
recognize me, do you, Martin?
- Afraid not.
Take care.
- It's me, Martin,
Sherry Griffiths.
We spent some time together
years ago, when your band
passed through my town.
- Oh, a Peter, Paul,
and Martin fan.
Sorry, I don't have any swag.
I could sell
you some old socks.
- [chuckles]
Still that same sense of humor.
No, that's not why I'm here.
It's OK.
Don't be shy, Edgar.
Martin, I'd like
you to meet someone.
This is your son, Edgar.
- [scratching]
[all yelling]
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- You're telling
me that guy,
right there,
is my younger brother?
- Nate, where are your manners?
- Gee, Dad, I don't know.
I guess they're gone,
like half of Edgar's hair.
- Oh, it's OK.
Edgar gets that a lot.
After last year's
growth spurt,
it's a miracle he hasn't
been recruited
to play professional sports.
- Well, in the off chance
that doesn't happen,
you've come to the wrong house
if you're looking for money.
- Oh, I would never.
- Excuse us.
I don't know what's
gotten into you,
but that boy grew
up without a father.
And you're making me
look like a pretty
terrible one right now.
Bup-- bup--
what do we always say?
- [groans]
Family's family.
- Ride or die.
Yeah, yeah, Dad,
I'd rather die.
- Close enough.
Now, be nice.
- Is that bean dip?
- As a matter of
fact, it is, son.
- [munching]
- Say thank you, Edgar.
- [burps]
Ohh, I got to hit the head--
I mean,
use the potty.
[sighs]
- You must be so proud.
- Well, he is 50% you.
- Ugh.
- Ew.
- [groans]
Whew.
Me and bean dip have a
turbulent relationship.
- Charming.
- We should get going.
Edgar, you've met your
dad now, and we don't
want to overstay our welcome.
- No, hang on.
Why don't you guys stick
around, get to know the fam?
- Oh, we wouldn't want
to impose.
- We could stay
in the basement.
- Oh no,
it's a mess down there.
It's full of my parents' junk.
You can stay in
Ellen's room, Sherry.
And, Edgar,
you're in luck because Nate's
got a new trundle, and it's
got soccer balls on it.
[both groan]
Sherry and Edgar,
please make yourselves at home.
[both chuckle]
[birds chirping]
[yawns]
- Morning, Nate.
You hungry?
Your baby brother and I
made oatmeal, kind of.
Say cinnamon.
[camera clicking]
- Hey, you want to
go get your mom, Bud?
Bet she'd love to see
this bonding sesh.
- Oh, that's OK.
She's probably just happy that
we're becoming, like,
best friends or whatever.
- Best friends ♪
- [yells]
- [scratching]
- Oh, she can't miss this.
Sherry, Ellen,
come join the fun.
- Uh, help you find something?
- Don't mind me.
Just looking for some space
to unpack all my stuff.
[growls]
- How long did you say
you were staying here?
- Well, as long as we want.
Your dad did say that
your house was our house.
We wouldn't want to
upset him, would we?
- [chuckling]
[groans]
[tires squealing, horn honking]
- Hmm?
What are you guys doing?
- What do you think, Nate?
Edgar said it came to him
in a dream, right pal?
Aw, he's just being coy.
[laughs]
Gotcha.
[laughs]
- Gotcha.
- [sighs]
- Whoopsie-daisy.
Oh my, what a mess.
What are you kids
up to in here?
- Playing.
- Fun.
You know what I was
thinking, Marty?
Why don't you take Edgar and
the kids to get some ice cream?
- Oh, that's a great idea.
Come on, guys.
- [muttering]
[loud rumbling]
- What on Earth?
[gasps]
Can I ask what you're doing?
- Ellen, I thought your dad
took you all to ice cream.
- Nope,
still here 'cause I live here.
- You, uh, really
shouldn't be down here.
- No?
Why's that?
- Because I--
I think I smell black
mold, that's why.
[loud rattling]
- Tamara, the captain
of the cheer squad,
gasped as the snap of
Brock's exploding hamstring
echoed across the field.
- Dad, can we do
one more chapter?
We don't get any
one-on-one time now
that my new brother, who is at
least 65 years old, by the way,
took over our lives.
- You know, Pal,
I understand how you feel.
When I was your age,
my brother Ted and I
would fight till the cows came
home, which never happened
because we had no cows.
- Where is this going exactly?
- Afterwards,
we'd always make up,
and our bond only strengthened,
until he stole my identity
and forced me into
financial ruin.
But that's a story
for another day.
Ha.
- Yeah, I don't get it.
- Well, the point is,
Edgar is your brother.
He's family.
You may have a
little rivalry now,
but later, you'll be
glad you have each other.
[toilet flushes]
- [exhales]
Tuck me in, Pops.
- Oh, get over here, big fella.
- [groans]
- Say, why don't you
let Edgar sleep
with Chippie tonight, Nate?
- No way.
- No, thank you.
I don't care about
your stupid gross bear.
- All right.
Sleep tight.
[skin sander whirring]
[groans]
[lightning crashes]
[both whimpering]
[lightning crashes]
[upbeat accordion music]
♪
- Huh?
[all growling]
- Ahh!
Ugh!
- [yelling]
- [laughing]
Huh?
- [panting]
Ahh!
[gasping]
- Huh, weird.
Ugh, so gross.
Hmm?
Couldn't sleep either, huh?
- [gasps]
Shh.
- I'm telling you,
I looked there.
They must have hidden it.
- Well, there's only so much
more of this I can take.
Martin is the worst.
- You're telling me.
Those two little
brats are onto us.
[both gasp]
It's nothing.
Don't worry, OK, babe?
We'll find it, I promise.
[both gasp]
- All right,
you two, no more games.
- Time to come clean.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Take it easy.
What's up?
- The jig, that's what.
- We saw these
two fools kissing.
- Last night in the billiard
room with the candlestick.
Actually, no, it was outside.
- Oh, please.
A mother and her son can't
show affection anymore?
- Um, not like that.
- Mwah!
See?
Totally normal.
- What?
You never kiss me like that.
- Well, not when
you're snooping
around on your own family.
I am so sorry.
They're not normally
this hostile.
- It's OK.
They're just kids, Marty.
Don't be too hard on them.
- [groans] I can't believe
I'm going to say this,
but I want you two to think
long and hard about this, OK?
- Is that it?
- Yep.
[both growling]
[both growling]
- [smooching]
[both groaning]
- I think we've
seen enough, Nate.
- Speak for yourself.
I am learning a lot.
- I'm just trying to show you
guys what I'm dealing with.
Sherry and Edgar
are clearly bogus.
And my dad's getting conned.
- You're right.
The way I see it,
you've got one option,
challenge him to
a kaiju battle.
- Do we dare ask?
- Nate's kaiju
penguin his fierce,
despite his cute appearance.
Edgar's kaiju,
on the other hand,
is a massive crafty gator.
But we swap his
weapons out with--
you guessed it-- raw ham.
Nate wins 9 times out of 10.
- KO.
- Mind if I cut
in here, please?
- Please, cut in.
- Well, every time
I go to the doctor,
they tell my parents
how I'm faring compared
to normal kids my age.
- Don't worry, Francis.
Bone density is overrated.
- You guys see where
I'm going here, right?
- All right,
look at me and say ahh.
Ohh.
Honestly,
Mr. Wright, I don't know
what you're feeding
your son, but well,
you got a future NBA
star on your hands.
- What?
- Well, talk about
good genes, kiddo.
He's my son.
- OK, am I the
only one who thinks
it's weird my
younger brother has
the body of a 50-year-old man?
- It's so nice to
see you looking out
for your little
brother, kid, really is.
But don't you fret, all right?
The superhuman speed Edgar's
growing at is very, very common
now with all the plastics and
such and stuff in the foods,
you know.
Some of these kids,
they're hitting puberty by,
what,
first grade?
- To the NBA.
- To getting rich,
when I'm older.
[laughter]
- Hmm.
Nothing.
It's got to be a fake name.
- Augh, we need proof,
Ellen, proof.
[door rattling]
- Oh, Ellen, when are you
going to learn to give up?
- Give up?
What are you talking about?
- Yeah. Yes.
We are very confused
and innocent of whatever
you're accusing us of.
- Edgar, laptop me.
[grunting]
- Hmm.
Let's see what we got here.
"Sherry Griffiths, spy."
"Sherry Griffiths, Guantanamo."
"Sherry Griffiths, 'Mission:
Impossible' peel-off mask."
"Sherry Griffiths,
devil incarnate."
No results.
Weird.
- Yeah, well, we always
research our houseguests.
So you got nothing on us, lady.
- OK, what do you say we
pretend this never
happened, eh?
- Or what?
- Edgar, pamphlet me.
- Bare-handed nuclear
waste disposal?
Cattle branding?
Ceramics?
No, you wouldn't dare.
- Oh, I would dare.
I would double dare.
- She might even
triple dog dare.
- [gasps]
- [gasps]
- [yelps]
- As you all know,
these two maniacs
have threatened to put us on
the next train out of town.
So we're going to have
to get a little crafty.
Yes, Chad?
- Hello.
Chad Applewhite,
Rackleff resident.
I was just wondering,
when did you
start a dust bunny collection?
- Ugh.
No, I didn't.
These are Edgar's
skin sheddings.
They're all over me.
[all yelling]
- Oh, it got in my mouth.
- Da da da da da ♪
- Wait a sec.
Skin is genetic material.
You have Edgar's DNA.
- Oh, and I suppose you
have someone in mind
with a treasure trove
of gadgets and gizmos
that can read DNA and magically
solve this whole problem.
- It's good you came to me.
[together]
Whoa.
- I call it my DNA testing
machine thingamajiggy.
- So what,
you feed this thing
DNA, and it, like,
tells you who it belongs to?
- Not exactly.
Oh, never mind.
It is that exactly.
[bang]
[machine beeping, whirring]
- What is that?
- I've never heard that before.
- Don't worry.
It's just connecting
to the database.
Nobody make a phone call.
[bang]
[machine beeps]
- Hmm.
Well, the skin flakes do not
belong to your brother, guys.
But well--
- But well what?
- No--
- Way.
- No way.
- We tried to tell
you, something
was up with these two.
- And yet, I was still
fooled by my own flesh and--
- Blood?
Ha-ha-ha.
Yes, you were, brother.
[grunting]
Ahh.
- Ted?
Is that really you?
- It is I, Martin, your
long lost brother, Ted.
And this is not my mother.
It is my wife.
Meet Sherry Griffith.
Griffiths was an entirely
fake last name that I
came up with from my own mind.
[laughs]
- But, Ted, we're family.
Why would you lie to us?
- Aw, can it, would you, man?
- No, you can it.
Fortune favors the bold.
And now, we fight.
Ahh!
- No, Nate.
[thud]
Explain yourselves, now.
- [sighs]
OK.
The truth is, we came
here looking for a toy.
- [groans]
- Seriously?
A toy?
- Not just any toy,
a 1963 vintage Kanga Ronomon
worth more than a Stabby
the Elephant and Tickle
Me Gary Hot Tub combined.
- Mom and Dad used to have
one in mint condition,
but apparently,
they gave it to you, not me.
- Oh, right because
I'm the favorite.
- Oh, you've always
been their favorite.
- They named their
boat after you.
- I begged them to, Martin.
Come on.
You have everything,
perfect kids,
perfect house, perfect life.
[laughter]
- That is hilarious.
- Ted, if Mom and Dad
gave us some valuable toy,
it was an accident.
- Accident?
Well, you know what?
For once, I just wanted
something good in my life--
I mean, besides Sherry.
Oh, Sherry, my dear,
dear wife, the world's greatest
wife, as the coffee mug I gave
her last Christmas
clearly states.
[cheery music]
If it's any consolation
to you, I just
want you to know
that we would have
split the money from the toy
with you and your ugly kids.
- Oh, it doesn't matter
anyway because it's
nowhere in this house.
So apparently,
you threw it away.
[bones cracking]
- Uh, what are you doing?
- I'm forgiving
you, big brother.
- What?
You're forgiving him?
- Just like that?
- He's family, guys, and
we Wrights are ride or die
for life.
[both groan]
- [inhales, exhales]
- Well, that was heartwarming.
Time for us to get
out of your hair.
See ya.
- What?
Leave?
But you're forgiven.
- And we appreciate that.
But you should be spending
time with these kids.
Clearly,
they need you, not a couple
of deadbeat, jealous liars.
Hey, mind if we bum a ride
to the train station, though?
Not the one in town,
the one two towns over.
It's a little cheaper that way.
- I appreciate you guys
coming, even if you're
still mad about all this.
- [groans]
- Let's hit the road, jacks.
- You got it, broski.
[engine turning over]
[tires squealing]
- Let's get what we can so
this con wasn't a total loss.
[tires screeching]
[horn honks]
[laughter]
- And that's when we learned
never to eat yellow food.
Ha-ha! You know, I'm glad
you two came to visit,
even though you lied
about your identity,
tried to rob me blind,
and traumatized my kids.
In a way, I feel partially
responsible for all this.
Maybe I could have
been a better brother.
- Huh?
- I'm sorry.
- Guys,
was that Ted and Sherry?
- Good grief.
They fooled me again.
- Dad, I know
he's your brother,
and we're ride and
die in this family,
but he just robbed us of
all of our possessions.
- [growling]
- Uh, Dad?
- Nobody messes with my
family, not even my family.
- Ahh!
- We're gonna die!
- [humming]
[engine revving]
- Hmm?
[gasps]
[tires squealing]
[horns honking]
[both yelling]
[tires squealing]
- Oh, hi, guys.
Hi, guys.
both: Ahh!
[together]
Ahh!
[loud crash]
- Wow.
Glad we didn't end up
like those guys, huh?
- [sighs] All right, they're
sending over a tow truck.
Everybody OK?
- I think so.
- Yeah.
- Gosh, I should have listened
to you guys from the start.
I have a soft spot
for family,
but I failed to consider
the most important family
members I have.
[horn honks]
- Hey, gang, need a ride?
- We're on our way to drop
off some gifts at
your house anyway.
[together]
Hmph.
[tires screeching]
- Let's see, collection of
whimsical panda figurines,
stack of used
kitchen condiments.
- Nobody pawns my pandas.
- Put the stuff
back in the truck.
- Pronto.
- You heard him, brother.
Do it.
[growling]
- Oh, be reasonable,
you guys, please.
- Let's just work this out like
a normal,
civilized family, yeah?
- Ted has had his
chance at civility.
It's time to dance.
- Let's Macarena then.
[knuckles and neck cracking]
Bring it on, bro.
- [growls]
- Hey. Hey.
Watch the merchandise.
- Ohh!
- Uh, this is kind of pathetic.
- No, it's very pathetic.
- Ohh. Ohh-ho!
- You both need to
take this outside.
Sorry, company policy.
[bell dings]
- Hiyah!
- They'll wear each other out.
- About a minute
left in them, tops.
- I'll take that bet.
- I think we can
call that a draw.
- Huh?
No, no, no, no, no.
No way, bro.
- Bad news, fam.
None of your stuff was worth
a penny, no rare antiquities,
no priceless artifacts, nada.
- What? Seriously?
Nothing.
We did all of that for nothing?
- I wouldn't say nothing.
You did completely
upend our lives.
So that's something.
- Yeah, I guess that is true.
Thanks, kid.
- Hey, wait a sec.
You were going to even
pawn off my Chippie?
You monsters.
Hey.
- That's not just
any old Chippie.
You got yourself
an original Kanga Ronomon.
These things
are worth a for-tune.
- A for-tune?
But it's all beat up.
- Doesn't matter, my dude.
That piece is vintage.
- Nate, look out.
both: No!
[bird squawks]
all: No!
- That's OK.
We can just get it
when it comes back.
- I'll give you all 8 bucks
for the washer-dryer.
[together]
No.
- All right,
all right, no deal, then.
- Well, I suppose
that's it, then.
- Yeah.
We better look into some
long-term rentals huh?
- No other choice, really.
[somber music]
- [sighs]
♪
- [sighs]
They're staying
in the basement.
- Ride or die, baby.
- Oh, well, that's very nice
of you, but I just--
- Break out the olives, fam.
We are celebrating tonight.
- Dad.
- That's tight
enough there, buddy.
- OK. That's nice.
Thank you.
- Yeah, OK.
You can let go now.
- I can't breathe.
[gags]
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪