Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e26 Episode Script
Stay Awake
1
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Chicken? Hurry up for breakfast
or you and your large
sister will be late for school!
Oh, please.
Ups-a-daisy, son. Into the high chair.
How humiliatin'.
What?
Thanks, Cow!
You ate
all the Honey Toasted Weenie Balls!
Sorry.
Come on, kids! Hurry!
Milk, please?
Come on, son. Hustle!
Uh-oh, Chicken! Look what you just ate!
Sugar Frosted Coffee Flakes!
Caffeine enriched!
So?
The ingredients are coffee,
coffee bean husks,
re-constituted coffee grounds, adrenaline,
recycled caffeine
and freeze-dried coffee filters,
with extra coffee flavor.
And it says here
that you will not be able to sleep
for three days!
Sleep? Who needs sleep?
I don't need no sleep!
Hey! What is the prize?
Prize? Well, let's see!
Oh, Super Dad Sized Underwear!
Manly, yes, but I like it, too.
Two points! Two points! Two points!
Chicken shoots! Chicken leaps!
Chicken blocks! Foul!
Yeah, come on! You want a piece of me?
Do I!
You're toast, Chicken!
Bring it on, chump!
Hot doggies, ride 'em cowboy!
All right, I'm goin'.
Time to sleep!
Come on, sleep!
Come on. Come on, sleep!
Caffeine doesn't not bother me. No.
Day Two.
All right, class!
This is called "pie", as in shut your pie hole.
Recess!
Time for recess, Pie Hole.
Get off my case!
Oh, my poor caffeine
influenced jittery brother.
Excuse me, young man.
Do you have the time?
No, do you have teeth?
Yes.
Gotta sleep.
Chicken's gonna sleep now.
How's that?
I said time for bed, pumpkin.
Close!
Success!
Cow!
Please, you gotta help me get to sleep!
I can't take it no more!
I know!
Oh, I've got just the thing.
"How To Get To Sleep
If You Have Had
Too Much Caffeine Flakes."
How scientific.
What are you gonna do with them bricks?
Sleepy?
Not yet.
Duct tape for Chicken.
Oh, that will keep your eyes closed.
Day Three.
Try rocking patient to sleep.
Oh, goodie!
Sleepy, sleepy, ♪
sleepy big brother princess! ♪
The book says try counting sheep.
All right. One sheep, two sheeps,
three sheeps, four sheeps,
one Columbian guy and his burro,
a second Columbian guy and his burro,
a third Columbian guy and his burro
carrying bags of mountain
grown coffee beans,
the richest kind,
the fullest flavor, filled with freshness,
care for a cup, Chicken?
No thanks, I'm tryin' to cut down!
Oh, no!
Chicken, come back!
We got another one of them
caffeine flake serial victims runnin' loose.
Better hide the women and children.
Hey, that's mine!
That chicken's insane!
Come on
from the hundred story skyscraper, son!
You might get hurt!
Oh, no! Heavens to Betsy!
Wait! Here is the cure!
Drink warm milk!
Oh, I've got plenty of that.
Top of the world, Mom!
Super Cow, a la rescuettie!
Hey, kids! Time to rise and shine!
Don't want to be late for school!
Well, Chicken, today you're eleven.
You're a man!
It's time you started off your day
like a man,
just like momma,
with a big bowl
of Sugar Frosted Coffee Flakes!
End! End! Ride 'em doggies!
Top of the world!
Would you look at that, Momma?
Told you he was a man today.
I would like
this film to be over now, please.
Don't swim out to far, kids.
It could be dangerous.
Chicken! Come back!
What's the matter, son?
Be a girl like your sister!
Get out there and swim!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
I was a young man when it all began.
I was filming a nature documentary
in the jungles of Saskatchewan, Canada.
My field of expertise:
Endangered Species.
I was to immortalize
these fading creatures on film,
to catalogue them for future generations.
This quest was not without danger.
For I was on the trail of the very last
Baboon is Traileris Mobilis Stupidis.
Once this land was teaming
with Trailer Baboons.
The Mobilis Stupidis is know
for it's odd migratory habits,
always nesting it's trailer
in inhospitable habitats.
Sniffing his finger.
Scientists believe
it to be some sort of "Mommy Fixation".
In no way did I wish to disturb
the lifestyle of this beautiful
and majestic creature.
But I needed to know
where he was going and why.
It would be my job no, duty,
for I. M. Weasel!
Fore!
I followed the imbecile primate
to the Happy Hole Driving Range.
Clearly, there had to be a more serene
environment for this baboon to exist in.
This poor idiot creature.
No wonder
they're going the way of the Dodo.
I'll save you!
I next found the endangered dimwit
at the Happy Hole Military Firing Range.
I needed to get closer to observe
what was going through his mindless mind.
Again, he misses his Mommy.
The Trailer Baboon
has a sixth sense regarding his trailer.
A mess cleaned, PBS on the television,
a toilet flushed.
Any of these things will alert him
that something
has violated the sanctity of his trailer.
Click.
Click.
Ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.
Again, the baboon migrated.
But why?
From the tornado swept plains of Kansas
to the cheese swamps of Madison,
Wisconsin.
I attempted to follow the baboon
without directly confronting him.
But when he migrated
into human territory,
I was forced to confront him man-to-man.
Excuse me, Sir?
Would you mind telling me
why you keep moving your home?
Because you always following I.R.
I.R. trying to get away
from pesky Weasel!
I am deeply sorry, Mr. Baboon.
I had no idea that I was the cause
of your horrible migration habits.
I promised the baboon that
if he would live in his natural environment,
I would stop following him forever more.
That was the last time
I observed the elusive wild baboon.
The world lost yet another link in it's
quilt of diversity.
Goodbye, baboon.
Glee!
And that's how I ended up
in Folsom Prison.
Yes, I got multiple life sentences
for allowing a baboon
to ride his trailer over the falls.
But now that I know my story
will reach the world through your paper,
I can face my fate with pride and certainty.
What?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I feel asleep!
And it all started seventeen years ago.
Back to the hole, Weasel!
Baboon killer!
My wife was a baboon.
Solitary is too good for the likes of you!
They give you solitary, too?
Cow?
Pumpkin, did you have one of them
Weasel dreams again?
Yes.
Well, hop in between Dad and me!
Looks like we all had a Weasel dream.
Hope you don't milk the bed, pumpkin!
Would someone please do me a favor?
Go to my house and wake me up.
No, don't iris out yet.
I'm serious. Wake me up.
Please?
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Chicken? Hurry up for breakfast
or you and your large
sister will be late for school!
Oh, please.
Ups-a-daisy, son. Into the high chair.
How humiliatin'.
What?
Thanks, Cow!
You ate
all the Honey Toasted Weenie Balls!
Sorry.
Come on, kids! Hurry!
Milk, please?
Come on, son. Hustle!
Uh-oh, Chicken! Look what you just ate!
Sugar Frosted Coffee Flakes!
Caffeine enriched!
So?
The ingredients are coffee,
coffee bean husks,
re-constituted coffee grounds, adrenaline,
recycled caffeine
and freeze-dried coffee filters,
with extra coffee flavor.
And it says here
that you will not be able to sleep
for three days!
Sleep? Who needs sleep?
I don't need no sleep!
Hey! What is the prize?
Prize? Well, let's see!
Oh, Super Dad Sized Underwear!
Manly, yes, but I like it, too.
Two points! Two points! Two points!
Chicken shoots! Chicken leaps!
Chicken blocks! Foul!
Yeah, come on! You want a piece of me?
Do I!
You're toast, Chicken!
Bring it on, chump!
Hot doggies, ride 'em cowboy!
All right, I'm goin'.
Time to sleep!
Come on, sleep!
Come on. Come on, sleep!
Caffeine doesn't not bother me. No.
Day Two.
All right, class!
This is called "pie", as in shut your pie hole.
Recess!
Time for recess, Pie Hole.
Get off my case!
Oh, my poor caffeine
influenced jittery brother.
Excuse me, young man.
Do you have the time?
No, do you have teeth?
Yes.
Gotta sleep.
Chicken's gonna sleep now.
How's that?
I said time for bed, pumpkin.
Close!
Success!
Cow!
Please, you gotta help me get to sleep!
I can't take it no more!
I know!
Oh, I've got just the thing.
"How To Get To Sleep
If You Have Had
Too Much Caffeine Flakes."
How scientific.
What are you gonna do with them bricks?
Sleepy?
Not yet.
Duct tape for Chicken.
Oh, that will keep your eyes closed.
Day Three.
Try rocking patient to sleep.
Oh, goodie!
Sleepy, sleepy, ♪
sleepy big brother princess! ♪
The book says try counting sheep.
All right. One sheep, two sheeps,
three sheeps, four sheeps,
one Columbian guy and his burro,
a second Columbian guy and his burro,
a third Columbian guy and his burro
carrying bags of mountain
grown coffee beans,
the richest kind,
the fullest flavor, filled with freshness,
care for a cup, Chicken?
No thanks, I'm tryin' to cut down!
Oh, no!
Chicken, come back!
We got another one of them
caffeine flake serial victims runnin' loose.
Better hide the women and children.
Hey, that's mine!
That chicken's insane!
Come on
from the hundred story skyscraper, son!
You might get hurt!
Oh, no! Heavens to Betsy!
Wait! Here is the cure!
Drink warm milk!
Oh, I've got plenty of that.
Top of the world, Mom!
Super Cow, a la rescuettie!
Hey, kids! Time to rise and shine!
Don't want to be late for school!
Well, Chicken, today you're eleven.
You're a man!
It's time you started off your day
like a man,
just like momma,
with a big bowl
of Sugar Frosted Coffee Flakes!
End! End! Ride 'em doggies!
Top of the world!
Would you look at that, Momma?
Told you he was a man today.
I would like
this film to be over now, please.
Don't swim out to far, kids.
It could be dangerous.
Chicken! Come back!
What's the matter, son?
Be a girl like your sister!
Get out there and swim!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
I was a young man when it all began.
I was filming a nature documentary
in the jungles of Saskatchewan, Canada.
My field of expertise:
Endangered Species.
I was to immortalize
these fading creatures on film,
to catalogue them for future generations.
This quest was not without danger.
For I was on the trail of the very last
Baboon is Traileris Mobilis Stupidis.
Once this land was teaming
with Trailer Baboons.
The Mobilis Stupidis is know
for it's odd migratory habits,
always nesting it's trailer
in inhospitable habitats.
Sniffing his finger.
Scientists believe
it to be some sort of "Mommy Fixation".
In no way did I wish to disturb
the lifestyle of this beautiful
and majestic creature.
But I needed to know
where he was going and why.
It would be my job no, duty,
for I. M. Weasel!
Fore!
I followed the imbecile primate
to the Happy Hole Driving Range.
Clearly, there had to be a more serene
environment for this baboon to exist in.
This poor idiot creature.
No wonder
they're going the way of the Dodo.
I'll save you!
I next found the endangered dimwit
at the Happy Hole Military Firing Range.
I needed to get closer to observe
what was going through his mindless mind.
Again, he misses his Mommy.
The Trailer Baboon
has a sixth sense regarding his trailer.
A mess cleaned, PBS on the television,
a toilet flushed.
Any of these things will alert him
that something
has violated the sanctity of his trailer.
Click.
Click.
Ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.
Again, the baboon migrated.
But why?
From the tornado swept plains of Kansas
to the cheese swamps of Madison,
Wisconsin.
I attempted to follow the baboon
without directly confronting him.
But when he migrated
into human territory,
I was forced to confront him man-to-man.
Excuse me, Sir?
Would you mind telling me
why you keep moving your home?
Because you always following I.R.
I.R. trying to get away
from pesky Weasel!
I am deeply sorry, Mr. Baboon.
I had no idea that I was the cause
of your horrible migration habits.
I promised the baboon that
if he would live in his natural environment,
I would stop following him forever more.
That was the last time
I observed the elusive wild baboon.
The world lost yet another link in it's
quilt of diversity.
Goodbye, baboon.
Glee!
And that's how I ended up
in Folsom Prison.
Yes, I got multiple life sentences
for allowing a baboon
to ride his trailer over the falls.
But now that I know my story
will reach the world through your paper,
I can face my fate with pride and certainty.
What?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I feel asleep!
And it all started seventeen years ago.
Back to the hole, Weasel!
Baboon killer!
My wife was a baboon.
Solitary is too good for the likes of you!
They give you solitary, too?
Cow?
Pumpkin, did you have one of them
Weasel dreams again?
Yes.
Well, hop in between Dad and me!
Looks like we all had a Weasel dream.
Hope you don't milk the bed, pumpkin!
Would someone please do me a favor?
Go to my house and wake me up.
No, don't iris out yet.
I'm serious. Wake me up.
Please?