The Proud Family (2001) s02e26 Episode Script

(light music playing)
Mongo, my good man,
all I need you to do is say the lines,
eat the snacks, and pummel El Chubbo.
Hey, wait a minute, Oscar.
Nobody said anything about pummeling.
Okay, places, everyone.
Mr. Chips, you may want to stand away
from Mr. Boulevardez.
All right, background.
-Action!
-Hey, Oscar,
what do you want me and Papi to do?
Cut! Cut! Cut!
Ooh, Papi, is Mongo the most manly man
you’ve ever seen?
No, that would still be you.
(cackling)
Suga Mama, we’re trying to shoot
a commercial here.
And you promised me
I could do a scene with Mongo,
my most favorite wrestler
in the whole wide world.
Mama, I didn’t promise.
I said I would try. Now
On second thought,
I think we can accommodate you.
Uh, Mongo, instead of pummeling El Chubbo,
pummel El Grump-o.
(chuckles)
(Oscar) Ow!
Now you’ve got el lump-o, El Chump-o.
Places, everybody.
(Oscar) Action!
Hi. It’s me, Mongo.
When Mongo need pickup,
Where did you read this in the script?
Mongo no read script.
Mongo eat script.
But script not good like Proud Sport Snax.
He’s a genius, Mama.
See how he just made that up?
(groans)
Did he make that up, too, son?
(gagging)
Oscar!
Tell him to put me down!
Hang in there, Felix. Help is on the way.
Go attack, Mr. Chips.
I think that’s a wrap, Mr. Chips.
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day and night ♪
Even when you start acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
Every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can always be myself ♪
I love you more than anybody else ♪
And every day
As I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
They make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want to hug them ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
(Oscar) Yeowch!
Felix, hold up.
You forgot to sign your timecard.
Oh!
Thanks, bro.
I didn’t know I was getting paid.
You’re the best.
Anything for you, pal.
(screaming)
Little does he know,
he just signed a waiver absolving me
of all responsibility
for his many injuries.
(laughing)
I’m crazy, ain’t I?
Now get this notarized, Mr. Chips.
(chattering)
(Oscar) Thank you, Mr. Chips.
An extra banana in your pay envelope.
So, how’s Mongo doing, Dr. Payne?
We’ve got 20 more commercials to shoot.
Time is money. We can’t go into overtime.
Quiet, fool! You almost killed this man,
and you’re worried about some commercials
for your lousy snacks?
(groans)
Mongo tummy bad.
Is he really going to be okay, Dr. Payne?
I don’t know.
It’s going to be touch and go.
(Dr. Payne) Once I pump his stomach
and get some fluids,
he’ll be okay in about a month!
Mongo, before you go, I need you
to make your mark on this payroll form.
Mongo no make mark.
Mongo can’t wrestle tonight.
Mongo need you to defend belt.
(chuckles)
Surely, you jest.
Mongo "jest" need you to defend his belt.
(yells)
And I need you to just let me go.
Woo, thank goodness.
I thought he’d never let go of me.
Hmm
Who is that handsome purple fella
that Mongo is strangling down there?
Wait, it’s me! Wait a minute!
Mr. Chips! Help me!
Don’t let me go into the light.
Mama!
Going somewhere, Oscar?
Actually, I am.
I hear the vistas in the Himalayas
are quite breathtaking this time of year.
So, Daddy, does that mean
you’re backing out of the match tonight?
Si, oui, and yes. Ta ta.
But Suga Mama said you promised Mongo
you would defend his belt.
Oh, let old chip-and-dip go.
I’ll defend Mongo’s belt.
Well, I’m glad we settled that.
Mr. Chips, take my bags back upstairs.
And speaking of bags,
Suga Mama’s guest room is yours.
I wish I could say it was nice
knowing you, Mama,
but it wasn’t.
-Daddy!
-(Trudy) Oscar Proud,
you are not going to let Suga Mama
go down there and fight your fight.
Why not? That’s what mothers are for,
to defend their young.
Oscar, you’ve done some lowdown things
in the past,
but this is the Mt. Everest of low.
-Come on, Bebe and Cece. Penny.
-Oh, come on.
She can take care of herself.
Don’t get to be 200 years old
not knowing how to fight.
Daddy, I thought I would never say this,
but I’m ashamed that you’re my father.
Like you’ve never said that before!
Well, I guess it’s just you and me,
Mr. Chips.
(chattering)
Et tu, Chippy?
I cannot go down there and wrestle.
I don’t have a costume.
You can’t wrestle without a costume.
-(Mr. Chips screeching)
-What the
(grumbling)
(announcer #1)
Well, unless Mongo shows up pretty soon,
he’s going to forfeit
his world title belt.
Well, I’d like to know
who’s going to tell him.
In the words of the Mongo-man himself,
"Mongo no like bad news,
or broccoli."
(announcer #2) Wait a minute.
In a bizarre turn of events,
a gray-haired ghoul
and a green-haired goblin,
are waddling towards the ring.
(announcer #1) I think the gray-haired one
is an old woman.
She’s holding Mongo’s belt in the air.
Ladies and gentlemen,
It is scrappin’ time!
(cheering)
(ring announcer) Tonight’s main event
is a handicap match.
Suga Mama, stop!
-Oscar?
-(crowd gasps)
(announcer #1) Snack Dad to the rescue.
And the night just keeps getting stranger,
folks.
Mama, I can’t let you go in there
and take a beating for me.
(Suga Mama) Oh, that’s sweet, son.
What made you change your mind?
Well, when a man loses
the respect of his wife,
kids, and especially his monkey,
he’s got to face the man in the mirror.
Now step aside, Mama.
Snack Dad is about to lay the snack down.
Oscar, I don’t think
that you want to do this.
Come on, Mama,
how hard can a handicap match be?
I don’t know, Oscar. I don’t think
It doesn’t matter what you think!
Now step aside
before I give you a smackdown.
(laughter)
The old woman gives the belt
to some masked, caped clown
with the letters,
looks like "SD," on his chest.
(announcer #1)
Wonder what letters stand for?
From the looks of it,
my guess would be, "Skinny Dude."
-(laughing)
-He is skinny.
(ring announcer) Now entering the arena,
the challengers!
Weighing in at a combined weight
of 630 pounds,
from Nashville, Tennessee,
Double Wide
and Hungry Jack,
better known as, The Country Boys!
(roars)
Suga Mama,
I thought this was a handicap match.
They look right healthy to me.
They are,
but in 30 seconds, you won’t be.
(cackling)
Have a nice nap, son.
(Oscar screaming)
(announcer #2) What a power slam
Hungry Jack put on the Skinny Dude.
Yikes!
And now, he’s tossing him around the ring
like a Cobb salad.
This is terrible, I’m telling you.
Somebody should stop this.
The question is, where’s Double Wide?
(announcer #1) Wait. Wait, I see him.
He’s in the rafters.
What could he possibly be doing up there?
(roars)
(announcer #2) Oh, no!
That’s right.
It’s the Double Wide, double whammy!
Oscar, run!
Daddy, watch out!
-Mama!
-(announcer #1) I’m not sure,
but I think I heard
the Skinny Due yell, "Mama."
Maybe he ought to put an MB on his chest,
for "Mama’s Boy."
Mama!
Double Wide is about seconds
from touchdown.
(announcer #1) Three, two, one
Uh-uh, nobody whups
on my boy like that, but me.
(announcer #2) Oh, no! What was that?
(announcer #1) Woo! I don’t know,
but it was old and gray
and reeking of prune juice.
Uh-oh, it looks like Hungry Jack
is ready for a meal.
(announcer #2) He’s charging her!
And she’s charging him back.
Oh, my!
One of these trains
had better switch tracks
and quick!
(ring announcer) The winner of the match,
and still the GWL champion,
Mama’s Boy!
(cheering)
(groans)
(horn honking)
Ooh, Suga Mama, can I get your autograph?
You were great,
the way you saved that goofy Mama’s Boy.
Yeah. He was pathetic.
I could have beat him.
Yeah. Who was that chump?
Yeah. Who was he?
Who was he? He was weak.
That weak chump was me.
Right, Mr. Proud.
Even you’re not that goofy.
Sure, I am. I can prove it.
(clears throat)
Mama!
Wow. What an uncanny impression!
Have you ever considered
show business, Mr. Proud?
Trudy, tell them it was me
getting pummeled by the country boys.
Country boys?
I have no idea
what you’re talking about, Oscar.
Penny, tell ’em.
Daddy, remember that thing
I mentioned to you about being ashamed?
It hasn’t gone away.
Mr. Chips.
(chattering)
Suga Mama.
Son, some things are better left unsaid.
And some things are better left in the woods, like
you.
(cackles)
Fine. Be that way.
Just for that, none of you
are getting an autograph from Skinny Doo.
-(All) Ooh!
-(door slams open)
(Lance) Well, I’d like your autograph.
On this fat contract.
Who are you?
-I’m Lance
-Not you.
I’m talking about Baby-licious.
I’m Jasmine,
your biggest fan.
Well, you certainly are my prettiest.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I Whoa!
(screams)
Why, you’re Lance McDougal,
owner and CEO of the GWL.
Wait, I-I’m Suga Mama.
Ooh, I’ve been a fan of the GWL
ever since your great-great granddaddy
promoted his first match.
Where? In the Roman Coliseum?
(laughs)
Okay, son.
I’m going to have to make you pay.
Better yet, why don’t I pay? Both of you.
I love what I saw in the ring tonight.
What a gimmick!
(Lance) A sniveling, pathetic loser
has to be saved
by his mama at every match.
It’s brilliant.
I’m going to make you two
the biggest names in sports entertainment.
Bigger than The Rock!
All I have to do
is come up with a catchy name.
What about, "Mama and Mama’s Boy?"
No, that’s not it.
(bell dings)
How about, "Mama and Mama’s Boy?"
Oh, that’s a great idea, Lance.
I got a better idea.
How about a check?
(cash register dings)
I got a better name, too.
Fat Pockets.
Guess which one you are, Suga Mama?
(roars)
-Oh.
-(chuckles)
(announcer #1) Well, I’ll tell you what.
This crowd is really fired up
for the GWL World Champion,
Mama’s Boy.
(announcer #2) And they’re really fired up
for his crusty old manager, Mama.
Mama’s Boy has taken
one heck of a pounding.
It’s about time for his signature move,
that made him a world champion.
Mama! Mama!
(announcer #1) And there she is,
in her trademark pink housecoat,
pink shawl, and matching pink slippers.
Wow! Look at Mama go!
Oh-ee-oh.
(announcer #2) The Mighty Farmer
just rotated Mama, like a new crop.
I don’t believe it. He’s on the top ropes.
He’s ready to do
his famous crop duster move.
(announcer #1) I hate to say it,
but it looks like it’s curtains
for Mama and Mama’s Boy.
(announcer #2) Ooh! What is that smell?
Boy, it smells like a mixture
between landfill
and an old batch of collard greens.
The Mighty Farmer, Mama’s Boy,
the referee, and half of the arena,
are out.
You know what?
I am feeling a little woozy myself.
One. Two. Three.
(announcer) The winner and still champion,
Mama’s Boy.
(whimpering)
Well, it looks like Mama’s Boy
is finally going to lose a match.
Wait a minute. Look out. Oh.
Look who is sliding down
from the rafters. It’s Mama herself.
(yelling)
(announcer) The winner
and still champion,
Mama’s Boy.
(laughing)
(announcer) And still champion,
Mama’s Boy.
And still champion
Mama’s Boy.
(laughs)
Now, uh, come on.
Let’s be honest, Mama’s Boy.
If it wasn’t for your mama,
you wouldn’t have much
of a wrestling career, would you?
What are you trying to say, Jay?
That would be like me saying
you would be nothing
without Kevin Eubanks.
Which is not too far from the truth,
because when Branford Marsalis
led the band,
Dave was the man, and you know it.
No one insults me on my own show.
Bring it on, chin-chilli.
I’ve got your chinny, you ninny.
Mama!
You better let go of my boy.
(audience cheering)
(Jay) Come on, Kevin. Help me!
(announcer) The winner
and still the late night champion,
Mama’s Boy.
(audience chanting)
Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!
Mama
(laughing)
(Lance) What do you know, Mama’s Boy.
Come on in.
We’re watching the Leno interview.
You and Mama were a real hit.
We’re going to milk this cash cow
until it’s dry.
Speaking of dry cows, I think it’s time
to put the old lady out to pasture.
-Are you talking about Suga Mama?
-Righty-o.
She’s the glue, crazy.
Without her, you’d be making peanuts
instead of feeding them to Mr. Chips.
The fans love her.
I’ll never get rid of Suga Mama.
What if I told you, you could make
ten times what you’re making now?
So, what are you proposing, M.B.?
What I am proposing is,
we replace Not-So-Hot Mama
with the Red Hot Mama, over here.
(Oscar)
She’s a lot easier on the eyes and nose,
and she’s a thousand years younger.
Nah, nah. That’s not it.
I got a better idea.
We’ll replace your real mama,
with real hot mama here, Jasmine.
Oh, Lance, what an incredible idea.
But wait a minute.
What are you talking about
That right, man.
You the man. You are the man.
(Oscar) I’m telling you, hey.
You got it all, baby.
(Suga Mama) What do you mean, I’m out?
You’re out! O-U-T out.
Like that bathrobe you’re wearing.
Like your hairstyle. Like your teeth.
You mean, like you’ll be when you’re
sleeping O-U-T out in the backyard?
But the people love Suga Mama, Daddy.
No, they don’t. They love me.
I don’t need no Suga Mama. I mean
That’s exactly what I’m saying, Penny.
How can I get rid of Suga Mama?
I mean, she’s like the glue.
I mean, she is Elmer
But Lance, he didn’t want to hear it.
His mind was made up.
Mama, I’m sorry, but, hey, I tried.
I know son.
So who’s replacing me?
Probably some big, smelly, hairy creature.
(announcer #2) Coming into the ring
is the GWL champion,
Mama’s Boy
and his new manager,
Hot Mama.
(crowd cheering)
(announcer #1)
Whoa, you can say that again.
Whoa, Nelly.
Is it getting hot in here,
or is it just me?
What does she have, that I don’t?
Maybe you should have your face pumped.
And yet you let me take a beating everyday.
(cackles)
Well, I know one thing
she’s not going to have.
Hair.
(laughs)
Hot Mama.
Meet Baby Mama.
(crowd cheering)
(laughs)
-Whoo!
-(Trudy screams)
-(Trudy) Hah!
-(Jasmine) Ow!
Whoo-hoo!
(Jasmine) My hair! Ow!
Trudy!
What you doing? That’s my manager!
(announcer #1) Whoa, slow down.
What have we got here?
Some angry woman from the crowd
is attacking Hot Mama.
(announcer #2)
Yeah, yeah! She’s bringing it.
Now the angry woman is pummeling
Mama’s Boy and Mr. Chips.
Mama Boy is quota man.
Wait a minute. Mr. Chips
is not taking this sitting down.
Hold on.
She’s got a monkey on her back.
I’m going to get you, Oscar.
I’ll get you and your monkey, too.
Tonight’s match is a mystery match.
Introducing the challenger,
weighing in at 450 pounds.
(ring announcer)
The former GWL World Champion,
Mongo!
(roars)
Mongo?
He’s supposed to be sick-o.
Now he’s back-o?
Hey, I don’t think so.
Don’t worry, you’re my guy.
The fix is on.
Mongo wants belt back.
(Oscar) Does he know?
Sure. Go ahead.
Have some fun.
Slap that big goof around.
If Mongo want belt back,
you’ll have to take the beating
that come with it.
Mongo want belt back.
Help, Mama!
Hot Mama!
Come back!
Lance, I thought you said the fix was on.
It is.
You’re fixing to get hurt.
That was a good one, Jas.
Glad I thought of it.
(laughter)
I tell you what. It’s not looking good
for Mama’s Boy.
(announcer #2) Feeling "Humongo"
is beating the champ, like a dirty rug.
Come on, Chips.
You’re my only hope.
You got to help me.
I’m getting beat.
I said I’m getting beat.
I didn’t say I want to eat.
Good thinking, Chips.
(stomach rumbling, burps)
-(all gasp)
-(Mongo’s stomach grumbling)
(gasps)
(belches)
Way to go, Chips.
You are a genius.
Down goes Mongo.
I can’t believe this.
Instead of pinning Mongo,
Mama’s Boy has climbed to the top rope.
(grumbling)
Say your prayers, mein beast.
Hit it, Mr. Chips.
(instrumental version
of "La Cucaracha" plays)
(crowd cheering)
(laughs)
(announcer #1)
It looks as if Mongo is setting up
for his signature move.
(both) Oh, no!
It’s the Mongo Mash.
(Oscar) Mama?
Mama!
(announcer #1)
Boy, what do you know? It’s Mama.
I guess she has seen enough.
Oh, not this time, Mongo.
Suga Mama’s in the hizz-ouse!
Whoa. Momgo! Momgo!
(jungle theme plays)
Momgo?
(announcer #1) This is unbelievable.
It’s Mongo’s Mama
Momgo.
(roars)
(both) Mama!
Hey, yo, uh, yo, Suga Mama.
I shouldn’t have fired you.
You know? I was jealous of you.
I was sick and tired of being nothing.
You know?
Nothing but a mama’s boy. You know? A bum.
I don’t deserve a mama like you.
I’m telling you.
Sure you do, son.
I just wish I had protected you better,
because that’s what mothers do,
protect their young.
Mama, I love you, Mama.
Oh, I love you, too, Oscar.
And I promise whenever you yell,
I’m going to come, no matter what.
So you had security come take me out
of the arena, huh?
Oh, you mine now, Mama’s Boy.
-(Oscar) Mama!
-(Trudy) Chump.
-Oh, you mine
-No, I can’t help you this time, son.