Bewitched (1964) s02e27 Episode Script

Anybody home? Yes, sweetheart.
We're in the kitchen.
Darrin, dear, this is Brian O'Brian.
Well, well, Darrin me boy.
I've been looking forward to this moment, that I have.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Samantha is grand.
Just grand.
Brian is a leprechaun.
A leprechaun.
Yes, of course.
May I speak to you for a minute, dear? - He just got over from Ireland.
- How about that? As I said, Samantha is grand.
Samantha.
- Will you excuse me a minute, Brian? - Dear lady, I'll excuse you anything.
As your husband and the head of this house it's no more than common courtesy that you forewarn me.
I know, dear.
Now, I've put up with elves, warlocks and poltergeists.
But this leprechaun relative of yours is just too much.
Darrin, he's not a relative of mine.
Relative, friend of family, it's all the same thing.
He's not a friend of my family.
- He's not? - No.
He's a friend of your family.
We're very happy to have you, Brian.
Well, where else do you go but to friends in time of trouble.
- Trouble? - I knew it.
The very gravest kind of trouble for a leprechaun.
My last pot of gold was stolen by an American.
Your last? Well, every leprechaun has a few hidden here and there in Ireland.
Two of mine were lost when they drained some bogs and bulldozed them for a real-estate development.
And then there were a couple I lost on some confusing weekends.
The last one I hid behind a stove in the fireplace of the old Rafferty cottage.
They were dear friends and neighbours of the O'Brians.
Well, then along comes this rich American and buys the cottage and moves the fireplace to the United States before I can blink me eyes.
Before you could open them, you mean? - The whole fireplace? - Bodily.
Cobwebs, soot and my last pot of gold.
Oh, Brian, that's awful.
All your magical powers must have gone with it.
I'm no more than a shadow of me former self.
- How can we help you, Brian? - Samantha! Well, Darrin, he has to find his pot of gold.
Samantha, no witchcraft.
You know how I feel about that.
Yes, dear, I know, but I can't get it for him anyhow.
It's leprechaun gold.
It has a charm on it.
I can't move it.
Oh, I'll have to get it meself.
Now, the name of the party is James Dennis Robinson and he lives somewhere close by here.
Anyone that can move an entire fireplace from Ireland to America must be a very wealthy man.
Brian, you must be very tired from your trip.
That I am.
And the time change has me a little bewildered.
You go up to the guest room and make yourself comfortable.
Thank you.
I'll rest easy now knowing you're worrying about me problem.
Good night, cousin.
Oh, my.
It is nice having one of your relatives here for a change.
Samantha, he is not related to me.
He's just a figment of the imagination of my Irish ancestors.
Maybe so, but that figment just went to bed with your bottle.
All right.
I just have time to get a credit rating on this nonexistent pot-of-gold thief.
That's a good boy.
Hello, Miss Spence.
This is Darrin Stephens of McMann & Tate.
Would you see if you have anything on James Dennis Robinson? Thank you very much.
I'll hang on.
Prepare yourself for the death of a very picturesque lie.
Never hurts to ask.
Yes, Miss Spence.
What? I see.
I need a pencil.
Is that so? That's very interesting.
May I please have that address again? Seven Thank you, Miss Spence.
Thank you very much.
Are you gonna tell me or do you want me to guess? Well, all right.
It just so happens there is a James Dennis Robinson and he owns Westchester Consolidated Mills.
- You've heard of the company? - They're a large outfit.
And they don't do any advertising.
Every agency is dying to get their account.
- And he lives near here? - Right.
And he has a fireplace with a pot of gold in it? Credit agencies don't give out that kind of information.
Well, when you go to see him tomorrow, take a look around for it.
I will.
It's an interesting coincidence, your coming by to see me.
I have been considering changing my policy and doing some advertising.
- Oh, good.
But I'll tell you something else.
I have no intention of giving my account to McMann & Tate.
You're just not big enough for me.
Oh, size is no indication of quality, Mr.
Robinson.
You're right.
Being little doesn't necessarily make you good.
That's what you meant, isn't it? All we want is an opportunity to show you what we've done and what we think we can accomplish for you.
Now, your first advertising campaign should have real importance.
Something different.
What's the matter with you, young man? Are you nervous or afraid to look me in the eye? Not at all, sir.
I was just admiring your fireplace.
You've got good taste.
This fireplace came from Ireland.
I got it in a little cottage in County Cork.
Had it shipped over here.
This fireplace is over 200 years old.
That's all hand-hewn rock.
Is that so? Get your hand off of there! That's the original soot on there! I don't want any fingermarks on it! I'm sorry, Mr.
Robinson.
I'm sorry, Stephens.
I didn't mean to be so sharp.
But this fireplace is my pride and joy.
Yes, sir.
To me it's worth its weight in gold.
Just because there's a fireplace doesn't mean there's any pot of gold in it.
Oh, it's there all right.
The only pot of gold I'm sure is there is his advertising account.
It's gonna be a lot tougher to get than yours.
Darrin, me boy, you helped me, I'll help you.
Do me a favour.
Just stick to leprechauning.
Tell me now you wouldn't be having more of this heart-warming elixir about, would you? If you'll stop calling me cousin, I think I can find some.
Oh, that's a terrible heavy price you're asking.
Oh, but I'll pay.
Brian, when do you plan to go after your gold? Well, now, there's a lot imponderables I have to be pondering upon.
It'd be easy if I had me powers but it would be asking for trouble to go now.
When the moon is new.
Well, isn't it also dangerous to go when the moon's full? Not unless he's full too.
He's grand, Samantha, just grand.
I'm pleased and proud to be able to call him my My friend.
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, sweetheart.
- Hi.
How's Tabatha? - Oh, just fine.
Sleeping like a baby.
Brian's been entertaining her all day.
Told her about the time that he was official leprechaun to Queen Victoria.
Yeah, that's a real sleeping pill, that story.
- What's he doing now? - Fixing your brown shoes.
- Fixing my shoes? - Yes.
All leprechauns are shoemakers by trade or tradition.
He wanted to do something nice for you.
Darrin, me bucko.
I have a splendid surprise for you.
Your shoes needed fixing, and I fixed them.
Yes, you fixed them all right.
Yes, indeed.
Wait till you put them on.
It'll be a new experience in walking for you.
I'll fix up where I was working.
He fixed them.
I think I need a tranquilizer or two.
That did it! That little man has got to go.
- Now, Darrin.
- No argument, Sam! He's going tonight! Brian! Anything you say, me boy.
You name it.
After a long discussion, Samantha and I have decided you're going after your pot of gold tonight.
Well, now, maybe it'd be better tomorrow night.
Somehow I don't have the courage.
I know, you drank it all up! Well, I'll buy you another bottle, but you're going tonight! Allow me to introduce myself, sir.
My name is Brian O'Brian.
To whom do I have the honour of speaking? I can't understand what all the commotion is about.
I merely lost me way on me way to a fancy dress ball.
You understand how a thing like that can happen to a man, can't you? Of course.
So I took a shortcut through your living room, looking for a telephone.
I see.
Now, if you'll take your big hands off me, I'll be on me way.
What do you want me to do with him, Mr.
Robinson? Lock him up.
You heard the man.
So come on, Paddy.
Let's trot on down to the pokey, shall we? What's your name, officer? They call me Michael Francis Xavier Fogerty.
Well, now, you wouldn't be Irish, would you? No, Polish.
Of course I'm Irish! Well, you must know then from the manner of me dress what I am.
Well, now don't tell me.
Let me guess.
You're a nut! - I am a leprechaun.
- Oh, sure, sure.
And I'm the Wicked Old Witch of the West.
All right, in with you.
And don't give me any more of that whimsy from the old sod! Whimsy is it? - Your mother was English.
- Flattering me will get you no place.
Now, will you step in, or shall I throw you in? - I'm entitled to a telephone call.
- All right, all right.
- But do you have a lawyer? - In a manner of speaking, yes.
Okay, one call.
Come on.
Hello.
Brian? - Where are you? - He's in jail.
- He's in jail.
- He's in jail.
What jail? Oh, well, Brian, I don't think Well, wait a minute.
Let me speak to Darrin.
- Darling? - You wanna go spring him, right? - He must be in some kind of trouble.
- It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
You don't want Brian to stay in jail, do you? Darrin? Darrin.
- I'm thinking.
- Oh, really.
Okay.
Go on down and get him out.
But after that, absolutely no more witchcraft! All right, Brian.
I'll meet you in your cell.
Oh, yes.
He is grand, isn't he? Samantha, you look beautiful, charming.
That's enough of that, Brian.
I must remind you that although you may not be a workingman my husband is, and you're disturbing his sleep.
Is he angry with me now? I wouldn't have that for the world.
We have to get you out of here.
Then we have to decide how to get your gold.
- Take my hand.
- Now, just a moment.
I'd like to leave an insulting note for the black Irishman that arrested me, you know? - I'm leaving, Brian.
Now! - And I'm going with you.
Hey, nutsy, I brought you some coffee.
I think I need a little nip.
Darrin, me boy, how nice of you to wait up for me.
There's real friendship for you.
Here, I brought you a cup of coffee.
You are a disgrace to the O'Brians.
You've set the cause of leprechauns back 1000 years.
You're a bungler! Don't you love him when he's like that, Samantha? Full of the O'Brian fire.
I have the perfect solution for your troubles.
Samantha here will take me to the Robinson house.
I'll get me gold from the fireplace and with me powers restored to full strength l'll remove meself from your kind hospitality.
- Well? - The answer is no! Oh, but, Darrin, it would only take a moment or two.
- No.
- Think of the position we're in.
We have a hot leprechaun on our hands.
What is it? I'm wondering if there'll be a reward out for him.
An O'Brian an informer? Never! Somebody always has to be the first.
Goodbye, Brian.
I've got a long day ahead of me.
I'm going back to bed.
- Goodbye, cousin.
- I am sorry, Brian.
- But we did our best.
- Oh, you're grand.
Both of you.
Just grand.
But I guess this will be the end of me now.
I'm a stranger in a strange land.
Well, maybe it'll work out somehow.
No.
Without me pot of gold, I'm just another old man you'd pass by in the street hat in hand, taking pennies from passers-by.
Now, Brian Sick at heart, wearing a brave but trembling smile.
- Well, you know I wanna help you.
- Dogs barking at me.
Little children making a mock of me.
But bearing no rancour in me heart because you couldn't spare me the five minutes help that would've kept me from the downward path.
- Well, Brian - I'll be leaving you now, Samantha.
Try and forget me.
Be as happy as you can.
I'll always think kindly of you.
Brian, if you promise never to tell Darrin, I'll go with you.
You will? Oh, bless you.
But let's go.
I want to get back as soon as I can.
Hang on.
There's the old fireplace.
It's four to the left, one, two, three, four and eight down, one, two, three, four There's the monsters.
Splendid work.
Well, that's better.
Oh, pardon me.
My goodness gracious.
Now, you two keep very quiet and behave yourselves.
We're very busy.
Stay there.
You have a real touch.
Never mind the flattery.
Just find your pot of gold.
Right.
One, two, three, four And out she goes.
Here she comes.
What's the matter? - Saints preserve us, it's gone.
- Brian! - But it was here.
I know it was here.
- Darrin's right.
You are a bungler.
But, Samantha You probably lost that the same way you lost all the others.
No.
I swear it was here when the fireplace was moved.
It was me last pot, Samantha.
Me security against me old age.
How dare you involve me in this wild goose chase.
Now, we are going back, and you are going on your way.
No, I tell you.
It was right in this hole behind the stone.
Good evening.
Is this what you're looking for? That's it! It's me crock! Let me correct you.
It is not your crock.
It's me crock! I don't know how you got out of jail, but I know how you're getting in again.
And this time you're going to have some very pleasant company.
Mr.
Robinson, I know this may all seem very strange to you, but Not at all.
Why it happens every night.
The police are gonna get very tired of my waking them up in the middle of the night.
Mr.
Robinson, Mr.
O'Brian here is from Ireland and he had hidden that pot in the fireplace before you bought it.
You know something tells me I haven't heard the real story yet.
Well, there's nothing left for me to do but to reveal meself to this creature.
Sir, you are looking at an authentic Irish leprechaun.
A leprechaun? I am the lovable leprechaun of County Cork.
Well, I tried.
He doesn't believe it.
But, my dear sir, of course I believe you.
- You do? - Well, naturally.
- I'm Irish too.
- Robinson? Where do you think the Dennis in my name came from? My sainted grandfather, may his soul rest in peace was a Mahoney.
Many is the story he's told me about meeting leprechauns in his day.
I wouldn't dream of keeping this now.
It's yours.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bless you.
Now, you see, Samantha, I wasn't lying to you.
Oh, forgive me, Brian.
- And this fair colleen? - She Mr.
Robinson, I'm Mrs.
Darrin Stephens.
You remember, he was here talking to you about advertising.
Oh, yes.
McMann & Tate.
Yes.
You see, as a matter of fact his grandmother was also from County Cork.
It's all very clear to me now.
Those two Chihuahuas they wouldn't be my dogs, now, would they? - Brian.
- My pleasure.
Well done! - May I shake your hand, sir? - Certainly, sir.
- I got you! - Let go of me arm.
Now, I remember another story my grandfather told me about leprechauns.
If you catch one, he has to grant you a wish, right? - Those are the rules.
- Very well.
Now, my mills are putting out a brand-new line of Irish linen.
For the first time, I'm going to advertise.
I want to use your picture as the symbol as the trademark for my product.
Mr.
Robinson! Leprechauns never lend themself to commercial enterprises.
Never.
Well, he'll be well paid for his services.
And I guarantee you, he'll make enough to fill up more pots of gold than he's ever seen before.
Well, now, your eloquence has convinced me, sir.
- Your wish is granted.
- Thank you.
- But I have a wish of me own.
- Very well, Mr.
O'Brian.
I want to have a sympathetic and understanding presentation of me image.
And who could be more understanding than me dear friend, Mr.
Darrin Stephens.
Very well, Mr.
O'Brian.
Your wish is granted too.
Oh, thank you, Mr.
Robinson.
May I break the news to him? Of course, my dear.
Mr.
O'Brian, what is it? Me throat's a bit dry with all that talking.
Well, now, I've got the liquid cure for that.
Isn't he grand, Samantha? Aye, just grand.
Of course I'm angry! I wake up, and you're not in your bed! - You're not even in the house.
- Darrin Then you come back and tell me you went to Robinson's house with Brian.
After I told you not to! It's just a lucky thing you didn't get caught.
We did.
Mr.
Robinson caught us there.
Oh, great! Great! Great! Great! That does it! - Well, if you'd just let me explain.
- No, no, no, no.
There's nothing you could possibly say that would make me feel any different.
You deliberately went to that house after I told you not to! McMann & Tate have the Robinson account.
And you're going to handle it.
Mr.
Robinson is Irish.
He was delighted to see a leprechaun.
Brian has his pot of gold back, and he got you the account.
Now, you feel any differently? What can I say? You can say you love me.
That's easy.