True Jackson, VP (2008) s02e27 Episode Script

True Jackson, VP was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Bad news.
I just heard our school field trip got canceled.
This is terrible.
I was really looking forward to it.
I love field trips.
Remember the one when Ryan got kicked out of the planetarium? If they don't want people to make anonymous rude noises, they shouldn't turn off the lights.
That's entrapment.
Was it also entrapment when you got thrown out of the aquarium last year for trying to ride a sting Ray? Yes.
Why are they canceling the field trip anyway? Miss park said we didn't have any way to get there, because the bus driver got sick.
Cholera Joe's sick again? What's he have? Cholera.
Then all we have to do is find another bus driver, and the trip is back on.
Where are we gonna find someone on such short notice? Good morning, children.
Say, Amanda, how'd you like to drive the bus for our school field trip? I can't think of anything I'd rather do less.
So, you're in? I'll tell you what.
I am thinking of a number between one and million.
If you guess it, I'll drive the bus.
What's with him? What's with you? I asked Kelsey to the prom yesterday, but she was kind of noncommittal.
What did she say? I'm kind of noncommittal.
Maybe, she doesn't know what that word means.
She pronounces rhubarb: Ra-hubdard.
Plus, I asked her if she wanted to sit next to me on the bus, but then, she sat next to that dweeb, Chase.
Chase? Dweeb? I don't think dweeb means what you think it does.
Students, I just want to go over a few things before we get to colonial town, usa.
I thought we were going to the zoo.
We were.
But then, someone from the aquarium called the zoo, and now, that's not possible.
If you say entrapment, I'm going to drop you off at the next rest stop.
What's colonial town, usa? It's a recreation of a colonial town from the 18th century.
They pride themselves on historical accuracy.
So, there is no electricity and no air conditioning.
My mom prides herself on historical accuracy whenever she gets the electric bill.
She's all, "turn the a.
C.
Off, Larry.
You're not a penguin!" Colonial town also has strict no-modern technology rule, so please, leave your phones on the bus.
I gotta call Jimmy, so he knows I'm gonna be unreachable.
Fire and ice! Who is it? Jimmy, you stowed away? I couldn't pass up a chance to visit the zip code museum.
We're not going to the zip code museum.
Who told you that? Ryan.
I didn't mean we were going to an actual zip code museum.
I was just using that to illustrate how boring the trip was gonna be.
I spent the last 45 minutes folded into a Valentine mcdougal backpack.
I'm gonna kill you.
Quiet, before miss park hears you.
I can hear you.
We can explain.
Don't bother.
I don't care.
This is awesome.
We get to spend the whole day together.
How did you convince Mr.
Madigan to give you the day off? I didn't.
But don't worry.
He'll never know I'm gone.
Morning, Jimmy, new haircut? Fire and ice.
Fire and ice.
Do you really think that's gonna fool Mr.
Madigan? He's been out to dinner with it three times.
How much longer before we get to this place? Hey, Amanda, when are we gonna get there? I'm up.
When are we gonna get there? We're here.
From my head to my toes it's all real and you know fresh and cool it's just what I do t-r-u-e j-a-c-k-s-o-n v-p working at a grown-up job I never really knew I could work this hard used to sit at home and watch tv now I'm in an office as the new vp I'm always setting trends with my two best friends when things get out of hand we have a plan we're just messin' around and we're makin' new ground for the whole wide world to see if you see us in town you know it's goin' down 'cause I'm the new vp Greetings and salutations.
I'm Ben Franklin.
Welcome to colonial town, usa.
Inside the town walls, we are an authentic working hamlet, and the year is 1776.
Soak it in, kids.
You're here to learn.
Thank you, little girl.
I'm the teacher.
Would you like a lollipop? I'm a grown woman.
Check it out, Jimmy, ye olde post office.
Does that guy look familiar to you? Yeah, he looks like Ben Franklin.
I know him from somewhere, but I'm not sure where.
Behind me is the clock tower, also known as the Dorchester tower, because it was a gift from the fourth Earl of Dorchester.
However, it is more commonly known as the lovers' tower.
I'm listening.
Oh, why do they call it that? Well, legend has it that if a person's beloved kisses them as the bell strikes for eternity.
So, all you have to do is get a kiss from your boyfriend up there, and you'll be together forever? As long as the kiss is spontaneous and pure.
What does that mean? He can't know what you're up to.
Got it.
What's with you? You know how I've been freaking out about Jimmy going to college next year? Yeah.
What if he meets someone else? Like who? It's not like it's an all girl college.
Yeah, it is.
He's the first guy in 200 years.
You better get him to that clock tower fast.
Sorry.
How long you figure it takes you to sort all this mail? A fortnight, good sir.
In the future, we have this thing called a galveston sorter.
It could do this whole room in about 11 minutes.
Hey, Jimmy.
Hey, true.
Pretty cool post office, huh? It sure is.
I bet it'll look even more amazing from a high vantage point, like from a clock tower.
That's oddly specific.
So, you wanna go? Sure.
Come on in, and I'll tell you how I got my face on more postage stamps than any other notable American.
Um, that honor actually belongs to George Washington.
Young squire, I'm the first postmaster general appointed by the continental congress.
I believe, I know whose visage is on the most stamps.
Apparently, you don't.
Well, let's agree to disagree.
Or we can just agree that you're wrong.
I'm glad that's settled.
Ready to go to the clock tower? I kind of wanna stick around and keep this clown honest.
Does anybody have any questions for me? Anybody? Anybody at all? Can we swing back by the colonial market and pick up some more of this delicious chewing gum? That's whale blubber.
Where do I know you from? I'm one of the signers of the declaration of independence.
No, I mean, in real life.
I am a noted scientist.
No, real life.
I am on the $100 bill.
Ah, I got it.
You're Detective Dick falcone from the show, nantucket homicide.
Oh, you must have mistaken me for someone else.
No, I don't.
It's my grandma's favorite show.
You live on a boat and solve crimes, no one else will touch.
Does anyone have a question about stamps? I do.
Anyone else? Your catch phrase is, "case closed.
"Now, who's in the mood for chowdah?" I think we're due for a little break.
Enjoy the village, young'uns.
Don't worry, guys.
I'm on it.
Okay, we all know what we have to do, right? Right.
We have to get Ben Franklin to admit he was on nantucket homicide.
Wrong.
We've gotta get Kelsey away from Johnny smells nice.
Wrong again.
I'm talking about me and Jimmy.
Why are you so freaked out about this? Jimmy's going to lady college.
Oh, yeah, I saw that on the news.
I've got 20 minutes to get Jimmy up in that tower, but he can't know anything about it.
What am I gonna do? I bet Mr.
Madigan would know.
Why don't you ask him? I left my phone on the bus.
You don't need it.
Here he comes.
Hi, kids.
Mr.
Madigan, is everything okay? What are you doing here? Hmph, I come here every Tuesday.
It's when the new honey drops.
What are you doing here? School field trip.
Ah, I used to love going on field trips.
I remember when I was a boy, they took us to Alcatraz.
It was fascinating, being in an actual jail cell.
Unfortunately, our teacher was incredibly forgetful, and most of us spent the summer there.
I'm trying to get Jimmy up to the clock tower without him knowing it.
Do you have any ideas? I'm sorry.
Are you saying Jimmy skipped work and came here? No, that's not even close to what I was saying.
Good.
Besides, I just left him in the lobby.
He was on his mail cart, wedged into a corner.
He seemed lost in thought, like he did at dinner last week.
Well, that's Jimmy.
Hey, true.
Jimmy? What was that? You're almost out of honey? Almost out of honey? Excuse me, true.
Okay, where were we? We were trying to figure out a way to get Ben Franklin to admit he plays Detective falcone on tv.
No, we weren't.
We're trying to figure out a way to get Jimmy in the clock tower without him asking why.
Why don't you tell him it's filled with colonial postage stamps? He's never gonna fall for that.
He might.
He might.
He might.
And now that that's settled, help me remember Ben Franklin's real name.
It's driving me crazy.
Just call your grandma.
I'll bet she'll know.
You're a genius.
You were supposed to leave that on the bus.
Guess what? I didn't.
What's the worst that could happen? What have ye there? Nothing.
Then, where is that music coming from? Sorry, it's my phone.
Phone? What is a phone? The very word feels strange on my tongue.
I'm gonna have to call you back.
Look sir, I know it's supposed to be 1776, but you know what a phone is? Why don't you just cut us a break? Are ye witches? Yeah, we're witches.
Why'd you have to say we were witches? I was being sarcastic.
They didn't have sarcasm in colonial times.
Or did they? Well, maybe George Washington really said, "yeah, right, I chopped down a cherry tree.
" Field trip over? It is for us.
We got banished.
Great.
If we leave now, we can beat the traffic back to the city.
Our whole class is still in there.
Your point being what? We can't leave yet.
Ah, very well.
If you need me, I'll be catching some shut eye.
Why have you been so tired lately, Amanda? I wake up at 3 A.
M.
To watch peruvian baseball.
It's the only way I get to see brock.
Last night was a doubleheader against the juliaca cubs.
Go to sleep, Amanda.
Nigh, night.
This is terrible.
I'm not leaving until Jimmy and I kiss in that clock tower.
But how are we supposed to get back in? The guy at the front Gate will never let us past.
We can go in through the employee entrance.
But we're not employees.
Or are we? It totally worked.
You look adorable, by the way.
Thanks, so do you.
Come on, Ryan, let's go.
I feel ridiculous.
Don't say that.
I think you look hot.
I'm only hot, because I'm wearing eight different undergarments.
Why couldn't I have worn that blacksmith's costume? Who's gonna believe you're a blacksmith, with your soft hands and feminine bone structure? Yeah, that's true.
Plus this bonnet kinda makes my eyes pop, right? You didn't answer right away.
Don't you think so? No, no, no, you look great.
Yeah, you look great.
Thanks.
Hello, good people.
Welcome ye.
Top of the morning to ya.
Are you trying to get us caught? Sorry, it's the only accent I can do.
Just try to blend in.
I'm wearing a dress.
There's Jimmy.
Wish me luck.
Hey true, oh, I like the outfit.
Thank you, kind sir.
This is gonna sound hard to believe, but I found a box of colonial stamps in the clock tower.
Wanna go check them out? Box of stamps? That's what you said, "box of stamps?" I'll take that as a yes.
Ungh.
What's wrong with your leg? When I dove through that window earlier, I landed on a pile of horseshoes.
Oh-oh, Mr.
Madigan.
Hi, Mr.
Madigan.
True, the beekeeper is about to open the hive.
You're not gonna wanna miss this.
Actually, I, don't want to.
Okay then, more hay for the donkey.
Jimmy, are you okay? Not too good.
True, do you know where I could find a decent soy latte? How'd you get in here? The rube at the front Gate was asleep, so I jumped the turnstile.
Are you sure that was a good idea? What are they gonna do to me? I did not see that coming.
Take another, my eyes were shut.
Excuse me, miss, do you know what time the food place closes? Miss? Not until the moon whispers hello.
What? Uh 6:00.
Thanks.
I'm really in the mood for some ra-hub-dard pie.
So, do ye have a boyfriend? Sort of.
His name's Ryan.
Ryan? Um, sounds strong, like a blacksmith.
So, are ye going to the harvest formal with him or whatever ye call it? We call it prom.
I might.
It's just I always had this idea that the guy I go to prom with would bring me a magic rock.
A magic rock? Like in the fairy tales, all sparkly and smooth on the sides, glows in the dark.
Interesting.
On an unrelated note, I have to go walk my cow.
Why was Ryan wearing a dress? Who knows? Hello, little girl.
Are ye looking for your teacher? I have a masters in history, chief.
And for the record, they didn't have tube socks in 1776.
Lulu, have you seen Jimmy? Nope.
Would you look at that? Mrs.
Prater's goat got loose again.
It's already 12:53.
I've only got seven minutes to make the legend come true.
Guys, I need your help.
Kelsey told Martha she'd go to prom with me.
Who's Martha? My alter ego.
Go on.
Kelsey didn't recognize me in this getup, so I used the opportunity to gather some inside information.
And what exactly did she say? She'll go to the prom with me if I get her the magic rock, like in the fairy tales.
Now, do any of these look magic to you? What fairy tales? I'm an expert in fairy tales, and I've never heard of the magic rock.
She said it should be smooth and sparkly on the sides, and glow in the dark.
Gift shop.
What? I saw one like that in the gift shop earlier, right next to the whale blubber.
He's nothing, if not persistent.
At least he's trying to make his destiny come true.
I admire that.
Now, I've got six minutes to make mine come true, too.
Come on, let's go.
Oh, excuse me, girls.
Yeah, Amanda? There's a dollar in my back pocket.
Go get me a cup of coffee, yes? Oh, there's Jimmy.
Maybe later then.
Don't forget my change.
What what do you think you're doing? Uh it's time for you to perform the dance of the milk maids.
Ye said what now? Can I speak to someone in charge? I believe there's a field mouse running up my leg.
Hear ye, hear ye, gather around.
It's time for the dance of the milkmaids.
What are we gonna do? I have no idea.
We'll just have to wing it.
Good thinking.
How you feeling, 1776? Excuse me, sir.
Can I get a beat? Tower on the left yeah tower on the left yeah cannon on the right what? cannon on the right what we're two milkmaids from around the way we work on the farm every single day so, if you like strong teeth and healthy bones drink a big glass of milk with your morning scones that's muffins, y'all keep it going, I've gotta get Jimmy up to that tower.
You got it.
Dance solo.
Jimmy.
Hi, true, how's it goin'? No time for that.
Get up there.
I don't know.
My leg kinda hurts.
On that second jump, I landed on an anvil.
You'll be fine.
Watch your head.
Thank you, thank you all.
That was excellent, young maiden.
Very spirited.
Did ye learn it at the neighboring village? You can drop the act.
It's just us performers here.
No, I'm not really a performer, although my speeches to the continental congress have been known to elicit applause.
Come on, I know you were on nantucket homicide.
Just admit it, and I'll stop bugging you.
What are you doing here? I got kicked out.
What about you? I got kicked out.
So, where are those colonial stamps? Jimmy, I have a confession to make.
There are no stamps.
I know.
Wait, you do? Yeah, because nobody would store valuable stamps in a tower.
The humidity alone would compromise the integrity of the adhesive.
Jimmy, could we put a pin in the stamp talk? Sure.
So, we're alone.
Aah! What is it? I thought I saw a spider.
I'm sure it's gone.
You probably scared it away, with your scream.
I'm not talking about a little spider, true.
This was one of those hairy deals.
Ryan, I snuck back in dressed like a blacksmith.
Check it out, Lulu.
True was right.
The gift shop had a smooth, sparkly rock, just like Kelsey wanted.
Let me see it.
That's the way you catch? It's not my fault.
You throw like a milkmaid.
What am I gonna do now? That was the last one.
Maybe you can push it out with something heavy.
Good idea.
You see it? No, it's too dark.
Can you find anything to give it a little light? There is a candle.
Laserbeam.
Yes? Did you get it? No.
He's crafty.
Or she.
I wasn't trying to be sexist.
Jimmy, forget the spider.
I need you to think about you and me for a moment, only you and me.
Are you thinking about you and me? Yes.
And is there something you wanna do, something totally spontaneous? Maybe there is.
Now would be a good time to do whatever it is you're thinking of.
Move away from that.
Relax, it's just a prop.
This thing's not even real.
Hmph.
Guys, guys.
That was some kiss.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure my leg's broken.
Why are you smiling like that? It's the legend of the clock tower.
If two lovers kiss when the clock strikes 1:00, they'll be together forever.
I don't need some legend to tell me that we'll be together forever.
I don't either.
Oh, yeah, it's broken.
Uh, we're terribly sorry about the mess.
But maybe, we can make it up to you.
There's nothing you can do to make this right.
Here's an envelope full of money.
Come back anytime.
Case closed.
Now, who's in the mood for chowdah? Dick falcone.
Here's an autograph for your grandmother.
Ah.
Nice job blowing up the field trip.
Sorry.
No, I'm serious.
It was super boring until you did that.
Weren't you having fun hanging out with Chase all day? No, I hate that guy.
You do? That's a relief.
I thought you were gonna go to the prom with him.
I might.
He asked me.
But did he get you a magic rock? I love it.
It's just like in a fairytale.
Hello girls.
Hey mr.
Madigan.
Where's your honey? I ate it.
- Three gallons? - Yep! I'm going to sleep like a bear on the train ride home.
But it's too bad Jimmy had to miss today.
I really think he would have enjoyed himself.
Oh, you know Jimmy.
Never one to skip a day work.
Don't let them take my leg.
Was that Jimmy? I don't think so.
Well then see you back at the city.
Alright, kids.
Everybody's back on the bus.
Wel I'm banned.
It was only a matter of time.
Where'd Martha go? I think it was pretty fun.
Yeah.
Although - What? - Somehow it feels like we're forgetting something.
Oh-well.
Hello? Anyone?