American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e28 Episode Script

1
[Door opens]
[Sighs]
Easy there, playa.
It's all over now.
You ever have
one of those days
when nothing goes right?
Uhh. Ahh.
Let's just say,
if Jake's day
was a wacky
Japanese game show,
it would probably look
something like this
Aah!
But--
but I didn't even
read the chapter.
Whoo whoo whoo!
A pop quiz.
Watch as report card grade
is chopped
like sashimi. Ha ha!
Is cause
for unhappiness, no?
Hey, cool!
They put in
a chili bar.
Whoa, Jake!
Uh, that's the 5-alarmer.
You gotta
prep your tongue
with some 2-alarmer first.
Who's the fire breather
here, spud?
Huh!
[Splat]
Chili spit.
Pretty girl.
Oh, no!
Hiya!
Ha ha ha!
A skateboarding
contest?
Now, this is something
I can't lose.
Eyes on
the bradster.
Attention,
over-padded dorklings.
The bradster
hereby proclamates
that he's gonna be
skatin' and winnin'
the 5 boroughs
skate jamboree!
Boy, you don't
know a nose grind
from a pork rind.
Yeah, that's why my dad
hired somebody
who does
My personal trainer,
pro boarder Tommy king!
[Crowd gasping]
Hey, hey!
Ha ha!
What's up, everybody?
Unfair skateboarding help.
It is not the bomb.
And
So on and so forth.
The only good thing
about this day
is that it's over.
Jake!
Urgent assignment!
You must go immediately.
Uhh!
Aw, man!
Grandpa surprise!
Start your
theme song now!
He's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast ♪
He's the chosen one ♪
People,
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
With his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth,
dragon tail ♪
Burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
well, what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
It's my destiny ♪
I'm the magical protector
of the N.Y.C. ♪
Ya heard?
American dragon ♪
Urgent assignment?
Come on, g.
Hasn't my day
been bad enough?
Uh, wah, wah, whiney,
you think you're
the only one with problems?
Get over yourself!
[Stomach growls]
Oh heh heh.
Sorry.
I get moody
when I'm hungry.
See, the vet put me
on a new diet today--
Says I gotta take
better care of myself.
Anyway, I'm thinking
maybe I just get this
day out of the way,
and then do your
thing tomorrow.
Not cool. Grandpa
does not use
the word "urgent"
unless he means it.
Is the latest creation
of the n.E.R.D.
New elven research
and development.
Working on inventing
new magical objects.
Pfft! Talk about
puttin' the eek in geek.
[Laughing]
Oh, that's just
the diet talking.
They're good kids.
They must be destroyed
rather than fall
into the wrong hands.
Why can't they just
destroy it themselves?
Trying to solve
the equation of why
they never get dates!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I'm sayin'
they're nerds!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Fu dog!
Ohh!
2 words:
I'm hungry!
It requires
powerful magic
you must deliver
this box to the witches
of Woodstock.
They alone
can brew a potion
uh, yeah,
can they brew
a vegetable juice
that doesn't
taste like something
an ogre yakked up?
Blah! Blah!
Flaba, flaba flaba,
flibbity flap.
Aiyaa! And take
fu dog with you.
Now I gotta go
on a mission
with grouchy grouchowsky.
Moody today.
Am I right?
Oh, wait. Am I holding
this thing upside-down?
Uhh. Ow. Ooh
what are you--hello?
Not brightening
my day here, fu.
Hey, I don't have
every secret island
gotta figure out
which one of the witches
of Woodstock live on a--
Never look down now!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Witches. Great.
The last thing I need
on a day like this
is to spend time
with some ugly,
scraggly-haired--
Hellladies!
Jake long,
meet the witches
of Woodstock--
Monica, anica,
and bubonica.
Oh, yay!
I love his hair.
And he's so cute.
Hey, I saw him first.
It is so too late for dibs.
I'll hex you good!
Um, huh
No need to fight,
ladies.
Ah! He's so good
with people!
Let's hear it
for Jake.
Witches: Hooray!
Aah!
The destruction potion
is almost ready.
Na! I'm kinda
diggin' it out here.
You know,
the beauty of nature
Really? I think
being out here alone
gets so scary.
Boo!
Aah!
See?
Yeah.
Sometimes I wish
we had someone
to check up
on us.
Someone strong
and brave
to protect us
from danger.
Maybe this isn't
such a bad day after all.
[Growls]
Anica: Aah!
Mountain goblins!
You have
something we want, boy!
And there
will be no trouble.
Uh, looks like
word got out
about the elves'
little project.
How's that
potion comin'?
Another minute?
Good. Dragon up!
Get the box!
Ya'll ever play
bowling for goblins?
It's easy.
First, you gather
your pinheads
And then you strike!
Now!
What? Since when
do goblins fly?
Whoa!
The box is ours!
We're here.
Don't worry, Jake.
We'll get them!
He has reinforcements.
Retreat!
I didn't even know
I had reinforcements.
You don't.
Uh, haven't you
ever heard
an audio illusion
spell before?
Voices: Yeah!
Where have you been?
Oh, hex. There goes
the last of our yeti fur.
We can't brew
more potion without it,
and we won't get another
shipment until next week.
A week? Then what am I
supposed to do with this?
I mean, you're
so good at protecting
things anyway.
[All giggle]
Let's go, kid.
Ugh--witches.
[Sighs]
Worst day ever.
And I can't
believe I have to
spend my whole week
guarding this--
What's in here, anyway?
Ah, kid, maybe it's
just a hunger,
but my gut's got
a bad feeling about this.
Whoa.
It looks like some kind of
video game controller?
Cheese on a biscuit,
those elves
really are nerds.
What's all this
writing on the back?
Well,
I haven't read elf
since I dated one
back in the 1800s,
but--hmm,
in the title here
I can pick out the words
cheat, code, life.
And this sequence here
is labeled "replay"
for some reason.
That's what my day
needs--a replay.
Or at least a do-over
on that goblin fight.
Uh, Jake,
you might not wanna--
I mean, since
when do goblins
sprout wings
and fly--
Both: Aah!
Aah! Mountain goblins!
You have
something we want, boy!
Give us the box,
and there will be no trouble.
Ok, I'm having
some serious déjá fu here.
No, we're
having a replay.
This thing really
a controller.
That stuff on the back
is all cheat codes!
Yeah, I don't
speak geek.
Cheat codes
are what you punch in
to get an edge
in the game.
Boost your strength,
get special weapons.
I just hit the code
for replay,
and here we are!
I wonder what else
they got here.
Get the box!
Uh, you might wanna save
playtime for later, kid.
[Mumbles]
Game on.
Dragon up!
I am definitely
gonna have to
write this one down.
Monica:
Ha ha! All right!
He's so cute!
Now!
Oh, no.
Not this time.
[Beeps]
Whoa!
Check the serious air! Whoa!
I'm on super-speed here.
[Speaking goblin]
We'll find another way
to get the controller.
Retreat!
Yo, the game's
still going!
And the potion's
ready, too.
Yay! Hugs!
I barely even got
to use this thing.
[Groaning]
I'll teach
you to frighten
my ladies, chump!
Aah!
Ooh, sorry about that.
Hope you have more of
that destruction potion.
But don't worry
about it. We'll
get more in a week.
I'm sure a big
hero man like you
can guard it that long.
But you better come
and see us before then.
Oh, yes, please.
We will be so
heartbroken
if you don't.
You, uh, remember
which one's the replay code?
Whoo-hoo.
We will be so
heart-broken
if you don't.
Aw, yeah.
I think this
is turning into
a very good day.
Shield, invisibility,
boost for agility,
speed, intelligence,
charm--ha ha!
This thing
is off the chain.
[Beeps]
No, that thing is off limits.
Don't you get
what we've got here, fu?
I never have to
have a bad day again!
This is gonna let me
cheat code my way
to a perfect life!
Oh, no, it ain't.
Uh, you sure there's
nothing you wanna cheat?
Like, maybe
Your rabbit food diet?
Is there a code that
will make this taste
like a cheeseburger?
[Accordion music playing]
Take order?
Yeah, we'll have
the front side to start--
Backside for dessert.
[Both sigh]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Baby. Ahh.
Stuffed as that
turduckhen I just ate.
Ready for a--hiccup--
Replay?
Take order?
Nah, we had
a late lunch.
Uh, spudinski,
what are you doing?
Aah!
One arm, 50/50
wiggywack moonboot
bloodrush headstand.
I figure,
I gotta bring out
a primo trick
to beat Brad's
Tommy king training.
Tsk! Spud, my man.
Don't waste another
minute of your life
on painfully
unnecessary wipeouts.
But, Jake, the crashes
give me experience.
And experience
is the mother
of both skill and reward.
Instead of grounding me,
my dad makes me
read motivational
business books.
The grindstone:
Is your nose to it?
[Scoffs] Old school.
I say why suffer
a thousand failures
when you can get
it right the first
time, every time?
You blinged your
kamikan big-hand
kung fu controller.
And how does this
take the place
of practice, again?
No, it's a magical
controller for life.
And I got all
the cheat codes, baby!
Check this!
Let's see--
Boost agility,
and some reverse gravity
for the hang time.
Check out what
a real skater
looks like, fool.
You better
teach me all that!
Daddy covers
overtime?
Yeah, we'll pay,
we'll pay.
Right on.
Guys, can I
not get a bump-bump
for schoolin'
the chump-chump?
I love magical powers
as much as the next guy,
but Ron slam
says the only
treasures worth having
are the ones
we pay for with sweat.
I gotta make
another sweat deposit
at the bank of success.
Nose to the grindstone!
[Thud]
Ow, my nose.
Didn't your mama
ever teach you that
cheating is wrong?
You can't
use that thing
in competition!
It's not fair!
Didn't your mama
ever teach you
that cheating is--
Wrong. So true.
What was I thinking?
I'll never use
this thing again.
Uh, uh--
Well, that's Good?
Looks like it's just
you and me, buddy.
Let's go live
the easy life.
Another pop quiz?
I hope you read
the chapter this time.
Nah, but I'm
feelin' lucky today.
Boost intelligence.
A-plus. Ha!
[Food sizzles]
Blah!
Wow! Uh, thanks.
Hey, I owed you one.
[Goblins growling]
Add some
one-punch knockout,
then boost strength
to taste,
and simmer with
a protective shield.
Soup's on!
He's too powerful!
Every warrior
has a weakness.
And victory goes to he
who won't quit
until he finds it.
I learned it
from a Ron slam book.
That guy is a genius.
One more pebble in the
rock garden of success.
Ow.
How good of you
to show up.
Are you ready
to practice?
Nah, it's cool.
I've been, uh,
practicing on my own.
See?
You are not still using
that controller.
So what if I am?
You think it's fair
that Brad got his dad
to hire Tommy king?
Whoo-hoo!
I own this ramp!
I really do.
My dad bought it for me.
What? You wanna be
like Brad now?
Getting everything you want
with no hard work?
[Scoffs] It's not just about
the skate contest, jakey.
It's about getting
fat, slow, and lazy
while you let that thing
do all the work for you.
Ha ha. Did I tell you
how kickin'
that new top is?
Ooh, girl,
you've got it goin' on.
Ha! You--
You think so?
I so appreciate that.
Thank you, jakey. Ahh.
No prob, babes.
Ha! That slow and lazy?
Pssh. I don't think so.
Fu dog: Whoa. Ahh
Kid, punch in
the cheat code.
My eyes are glazed over
with coconut milk
and lobster grease.
Oh, I love my new diet.
No--[hiccup]--Prob.
Hey!
I've got it, master.
Keep trying, and you're
bound to find a weakness.
I'll show you
who's--[Hiccups]--Weak.
[Pants] Dragon up!
[Panting]
[Cackling]
Hey! Ooh! Quit it!
When I get that thing back,
I'm gonna--
What's the matter, kid?
You got a million tricks
up your sleeve.
I'm a little out of practice,
a'ight?
Enough. There will be
time for revenge later.
Leave the piggies
to their food coma.
[Groaning]
Aww
[Burps]
That one's been
waiting to come out.
Now, where was I?
Oh, right.
Man.
Did I not tell you that
magical object was dangerous?
I know, gramps.
That's why we have to
get it out of the hands
of those mountain goblins.
It was not their hands
I was referring to.
Huh?
Resistance builds
muscle, young dragon.
If you remove
every obstacle from life,
you become weak in body
and in mind.
Your enemies won because
they were willing to do
what you have cheated
to avoid--
To fail and fail again
until a solution was found.
[Groaning]
So you want me
to fail?
Mission
accomplished.
I want you to fail
sometimes.
For it is only
by experiencing failure
that we learn to succeed.
Ron slam.
I get a daily email quote.
Now, to the task at hand.
You say it was mountain goblins
who took the controller.
Only one range in this area
is not accounted for
by giants, trolls,
or other mountain dwellers.
It lies here, in tallman
mountain state park
you must scour every cave
and crevasse in this range
until you find
the goblins' lair.
[Groaning]
[Clatter]
[Bats screeching]
Whoa! Whoa! Aah!
Huh?
Yaah!
Aw, man. This is
gonna take forever.
There's got to be
some other way to do
Wait a minute.
Maybe there is.
Ear of the dragon.
[Humming]
Goblin: This handwriting
is terrible.
But we've got half the codes
deciphered already.
Second goblin:
Good. Keep working.
Soon we shall have
the ultimate power.
Gotcha.
[Beeping]
And this one gives you
old team frobat jerseys.
Ooh, ooh! Do they have
the 1976 goblin trotters?
[Beeps]
Sweet--
Meadowlark demon.
I gave the witch triplets
a heads-up.
They're working on
the destruction potion.
All we gotta do is
get them the controller.
Then let's do it.
You go left, g. I'll go right.
Dragons!
Goodie!
[Beeping]
[Roaring]
Whoa!
Whoa!
[Cheering]
Stand down, friends.
I want to show these
dragons what it's like
to fight
an unfair battle.
The old one
goes down first.
Aah!
[Both grunting]
Ha ha!
Unh!
[Grunts] Gramps!
Don't give up!
Earn it, Jake.
[Fu dog grunting]
Here's hopin' this
is on the diet menu.
Aah!
[All grunting]
[All screaming]
Replay.
Not this time, flea bag.
Whoa!
Unh!
Aah!
[Laughing]
You can't hit
what you can't see.
Hyah! Huh?
[Grunting]
Come on, Jake. Think!
Aha!
Gotcha!
[Beeping]
Go, Jake!
To the witches!
I'm on it, g.
Leave the others.
After that controller!
Is it ready?
We need a minute.
No problem. I'll
just punch in some--
Nah, let's earn this
old-school.
Come and get it!
Aah!
Aah!
Whaa!
Jake: Olé!
Olé on the flipside.
Now, Jake!
It's ready!
And oh-later!
[All groaning]
Game over.
Feeling any better,
brave, strong hero man?
Much. Heh heh!
You are too kind.
He's so polite.
And wrinkly cute!
I call first hug!
[All giggling]
Hey, uh, you guys
got any magical
medicine for me--
Sorry, we don't
talk to cheaters.
Witches: Hmmph!
Well, at least
tomorrow's another day.
It sure is!
Hey! I actually
studied this stuff.
Preparation is
Go for the 5-alarm,
dude.
Nah. I think
I'll start mild
and work my way up.
He knows his chili limit!
Happy tummy!
I can't believe
he actually pulled it off.
He deserved it.
He kept working at it.
Yeah, looks like
Ron slam
knows a little more
than Tommy king.
You're fired.
Now get out of here!
But I need the money
for my third beach house!
I guess there's something
to that old "if at first
you don't succeed",
"try, try again" thing, huh?
Usually. Maybe not
always, though.
Hey, Stacy,
check out my trophy.
I won! Ha! Hey, wait up.
Stacy!
Ha ha. Keep working, spud.
Keep working! Ha ha ha ha!
Ron slam: Judges, show us
Jake long's final scores.
For fighting style,
mermaid gives 9.3,
cyclops 9.2,
and mountain goblin 0.7!
For hugging style,
mermaid 8.3, cyclops 7.9,
and--oh! Mountain goblin
is really hating this
performance.
For chili-spit style--
Ha ha ha ha!
Who cares about scores?
Show me chili-spit again!
Again! Again! Again!
Look out!
Here comes the castle!