I Love Lucy (1951) s02e29 Episode Script

(I Love Lucy theme music plays) It's your lead, Lucy.
- I know it.
- Play it while you're still young.
You leave her alone.
This is important.
Oh, how did you know to lead hearts? Ah, just a good guess! That's mine, that's mine! Down two, double and redouble.
That'll take a lot of figuring.
Oh, say, have you heard about Joanne? No, what about her? They're getting a separation.
Joanne and Greg? Oh, honestly! Is that true? You're kidding, Caroline! They decided they no longer had anything in common.
He claimed she was so wrapped up in the children, she didn't care about him.
If that's true, then it's her fault.
She claimed he came home and buried himself in the paper and didn't want her to have any part of his life.
If that's true, then it's his fault.
Aw, listen, it's both their fault, and it's nobody's fault.
It happens to every couple.
There's nothing you can do about it.
Why, Ethel Mertz, I'm ashamed to hear you talk like that.
That could never happen to Ricky and me.
Why, we just have everything in common.
Oh, come now, Lucy, every marriage reaches a point where the honeymoon's over.
Yeah, our honeymoon was over on our honeymoon.
I think you're all just terrible.
Ricky and I never get bored with each other.
He's interested in everything that I do and I'm interested in everything that he does.
and the honeymoon isn't over at all! Well, it isn't! Oh, come on, let's play cards.
Oh, hi, dear.
Oh, hi, honey.
How did things go at rehearsal today, dear? Fine, just fine.
Uh I had a pretty interesting day today.
Don't you want to hear about it? Uh-huh.
Well, I took little Ricky to the park this morning, and then this afternoon, Ethel and I had a bridge game and we won.
We won 25 cents.
That's twelve and a half cents apiece.
That's wonderful, dear.
What's that for? Ricky Ricardo, you put down that paper.
We're going to talk.
Talk? Yes- I say something, you say something, then I say something, then you say something and so on.
Well, I am aware of the way it goes, but why? Because we're married, and I don't want you to come home and bury yourself in the paper like I didn't exist.
Oh, well, honey, that's a very good reason.
Okay.
Let's talk.
Well, that's better.
Uh How did rehearsal go today, dear? Fine.
You told me that much before.
Well, that's all.
It went fine.
You know, nothing went wrong.
Everything was just fine.
Oh What kind of a day did you have? Oh, fi real good.
Uh, this morning I took little Ricky to the park and this afternoon Ethel and I had a bridge game and we won.
Oh, I told you that much before, too, didn't I? Yeah.
Uh You start this time.
Okay.
Um What will we talk about? Anything- anything you're interested in, I'm interested in.
Okay.
Just pick a topic.
Um What do you think of the new tax law? Pick another topic.
Well, aren't you interested in anything else, dear? Right now I'm interested in reading my paper.
Oh, well, go ahead.
We'll both read it.
Okay.
There you are.
Thank you.
Why did you give me the society page? I want the sports page.
The sports page? Sure! What do you think I am, a square? I want to read the sports page.
Well, I'll read it to you.
Oh all right.
Who won the fight last night? The fights Now, let's see.
Uh fight, fight, oh, here it is.
"Williams bags crown by Tko in eighth.
" "Tko"? Yeah, Tko, t-k-o.
How else would you pronounce it? That's how you pronounce it- t-k-o.
It means technical knockout.
Oh, of course, sure, sure.
Well, how long has this been going on? What? They're racing little girls at Churchill Downs! What? It says so right here- see? "First race won by three-year-old maiden.
" Well, I wouldn't worry about that little girl if I were you.
She's as strong as a horse.
Well, she certainly was carrying a lot of money for a little girl.
She had $2,000 in her purse.
Thank you, Grantland Rice.
What? Grantland Rice.
You surely heard of Grantland Rice? Oh, sure, I've heard of it, but I've never tasted it.
Yeah.
Gee, isn't it fun reading the sports page together? It's very enlightening.
I've been reading the sport pages for years, I never found any of that stuff in there before.
Well, you learn something every day.
Maybe you can move over there and we can read it at the same time.
Oh, sure.
I'd like that.
Sure.
Okay.
Isn't this fun, dear? Mm-hmm.
We have a lot in common, don't we? Mmm.
Oh, Ricky, it's so wonderful having you around this morning.
Didn't you like it? I sure did, honey.
Oh, I sure did.
I wish you could do it more often.
Uh will you let go of my arm long enough to put my coat on? Oh, sure.
Let me help you.
Thank you.
Remember now, honey if anything interesting happens to you down at the club, be sure to tell me because I'm interested in anything interesting that happens to you.
All right, honey, sure.
Hi, Rick.
Oh, hiya, Fred.
I'm glad I caught you.
What's up? I just heard from my brother and he's got everything all set for our camping trip.
How's the last week in July for you? Oh, that sounds just great.
Great.
He's got the guide and the pack train all set and he says the streams are so full of trout that they jump in your pocket.
Oh, boy! I'll write and tell him okay, huh? Oh, sure.
We wouldn't miss it for the world.
Honey (little Ricky crying) Oh, the baby.
Honey, I'll be right back.
Uh the camping trip is going to be just wonderful, Fred.
What camping trip? Oh, now, come on, Fred.
No, no, no.
If Lucy's going, Ethel will want to go, and I could be miserable at home.
Look, Fred, I'll talk her out of it.
it's just that she's in a funny kind of mood.
She wants to do everything that I do.
I don't know what's the matter with her.
Yeah, Ethel told me about that.
Well, tell me, would you- what's cooking? Well, Lucy's been trying to prove to the gals in the bridge club that you two are not bored with each other like other couples who've been married as long as you have.
Oh, that's it, huh? Well, that explains the whole deal.
She's been sticking to me every minute.
It's like having a piece of gum stuck to your shoe, you know? Well, you better try and scrape her off before it's time to go on the camping trip.
Don't worry, Fred, I'll talk her out of it.
I'll think of something.
Well, I hope so.
Well, let's see, there must be some way to do this.
Hey suppose I take her on a preview camping trip.
I don't quite get you.
Well, I could play up all the discomforts of camping- make her work her head off- you know, really rough it.
By the time I'm through, she won't want to go on another camping trip again.
You've really got something there.
Oh, gee, fellas, that camping just sounds wonderful- that camping trip.
I'll do all the cooking for us.
Listen, honey, just to get you an idea of what it's going to be like next summer, I thought that maybe you and I should go on a camping trip next weekend as a rehearsal.
Just the two of us, Ricky? Ethel and I can take care of the baby.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, honey, that's wonderful! I'd just love it.
Oh, honey! Lucy? LUCY: I'll be right there! Well, do I look like I stepped out of Field and Stream? You look more like you fell in.
Well! Never mind that.
I've got news for you.
What? Do you know why Ricky's taking you on this little trip? I certainly do.
Because we do everything together and because he can't stand being away from me.
Oh, no.
What do you mean, "Oh, no"? He doesn't want you to go this summer, so he's going to take you on this little trip and make things so tough for you that you'll never want to go camping again as long as you live.
I don't believe that! I can't help it.
I heard him talking when he came down to borrow Fred's sleeping bag.
He says he's sick and tired of you and him being the Bobbsey twins.
The Bobbsey Well, that big How do you like that.
Lucy, when you tell Ricky you're not going with him, don't mention that I What do you mean, I'm not going? Well, are you? I certainly am.
I'm going to beat him at his own little game.
What do you mean? Well, of course, I'll need the help of a very loyal friend, one who will tell Fred that she's visiting her mother, but who in reality will be staying at a lodge nearby.
Oh, no, I won't! Now, Ethel! I'm not going to do it! You haven't even heard my idea! You thought it up- that's enough for me! What kind of a friend are you? Every time you get an idea, I get dragged in on it somehow.
Just answer me that- what kind of a friend are you? I always end up I think it's right around here someplace.
Yeah, that's the spot right down there.
That's where the good fishing is.
My feet hurt.
Well, honey, I'm sorry, but you've got to hike for miles before you get to the good fishing spot.
Your feet will feel better when you're standing in the water.
Standing in the water? You got to walk right out into the stream.
How are we going to catch these fish- by stepping on them? Don't mind that- that's the way that you fish for trout.
Oh.
So you got to go right into the stream and stand in the water there, and you stand there for hours and hours.
Water is cold- freezing.
Maybe you want to call the whole thing off.
It's too much for you? No, no Too much for me? Pooh! What's a little cold water? Listen, Ricky, do you think this measly little basket is big enough for all the fish I'm going to catch? Oh, well, I wouldn't worry about that if I were you.
No? No, usually the first time that you come out, you don't catch anything, except maybe a cold or a mosquito bite, or frostbitten feet.
Oh.
Well, come on, let's go.
Listen, Ricky, let's not fish together.
Let's, uh, separate and see who catches the most.
Well, don't be silly, now, come on.
No, no, really, you know how fish are.
No, how are they? Well, they're shy.
If there's too many people around, the fish just won't stay- they go.
Okay, we'll go downstreams a way and then we'll separate.
Well, I think I'll go upstreams a way.
Look, I've been here a hundred times and there's no good spot up there.
There's no fish up there.
Oh, I don't know.
It looks pretty fishy up there to me.
Okay, have it your own way.
I'll meet you back here in one hour.
Okay.
All right.
Watch out for bears! Bears! (bushes rustling) (whispers:) Ethel? Ethel? (both scream) Oh! I thought you were a bear.
Huh? Did you get the fish? One dozen of the best trout that they had at the fish market.
Good.
No, don't give them to me.
Throw them to me.
Throw them to you? I want to be able to tell Ricky I caught them.
Oh.
Okay.
Ooh! Oh, they're beauties.
How'd you get here? I trailed you like an Indian.
That was some walk, wasn't it? Not for me.
I borrowed a station wagon from the lodge.
I've trailed you all the way from your campsite.
It's parked back down the road.
Hey, that gives me an idea.
What? Go back in the car and wait for me.
What are you going to do? I'll tell you later.
Just go in the car and wait for me on the road.
Don't let anybody see you.
Okay.
Say "Ah.
" RICKY: Lucy? (whistles) (answers) (whistles again) (answers) (whistles) (answers) Oh, there you are.
I don't blame you for quitting.
The fish are really not biting today.
Oh, haven't you caught any yet? And how many did you caught? Well, I didn't have very much luck.
That's what I thought.
Only these.
You catch all those? Yes, sir.
I certainly did.
What did you use for bait? Bait? Yeah, didn't you put anything on the hook? No, no.
I just threw the hook in and then when all the fish jumped on, I just pulled them out.
Ay-ay-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay.
Well, we better get back to camp.
How do you feel? Tired, huh? Well, yeah, those fish put up quite a fight.
Well, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to keep a pretty good brisk pace back to camp, or we'll never make it back there by night.
Well, don't worry, I'll keep up with you.
I hope you're able to.
Able to? I'll tell you what I'll do- I'll race you back to camp.
Race me back to camp? Yeah.
(laughs) You've been standing out in the heat too long.
Well, nevertheless I'll race you and I'll bet you five dollars that I'll beat you back.
Are you game? Okay, I'll just take you up on that.
And because you're a woman, I'll give you a head start.
Well, because I'm a woman, I'll take it.
Hey, you keep up that pace, you won't last a mile.
Slow down! Isn't this a beautiful night? Yeah.
What time is it? Eight o'clock.
Three hours, what do you think is keeping Ricky? Give him time.
He didn't have me waiting in a station wagon to bring him back like you did.
Here he comes! Hurry up! Be sure and meet me right here in the morning.
Don't forget! Keep out of sight! What took you so long, dear? Great day for a hike, wasn't it? (mumbles) Nothing like a hike to tone up those old muscles, eh? Ricky, say something.
Water! Of course, dear.
(grunts) Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
I must have used it all up.
You see, I got back so early, I had time to wash my hair.
Look, honey, if you're so tired you'd better go to bed, huh.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
That a boy.
Remember, you promised to take me hunting at 5:00 in the morning.
Oh, no.
Okay, I'm all ready to go hunting.
All right.
I'll get the guns.
Okay.
(whispers:) Ethel? Ethel? ETHEL: Here I am.
Where? Here.
Where? Here.
Where? Up here.
How did you get up there? It wasn't easy.
Where have you got the horseshoe nailed up? Over there on that tree.
Where? Over there.
Way over there? I can hardly see it.
Don't worry, you'll hit it every time.
Let's hear how it's going to sound.
(loud clang) Shh! That's fine.
Remember now, I'm depending on you.
Yeah.
How about the ducks? Everything's under control.
Okay.
Are you sure you want to go hunting? Sure, I want to go.
Which gun is mine, that one? Yeah.
You know how to use one of these things? Do I know how to use one of these things.
You see that horseshoe over there? Where? Right over there.
Way over there? Don't tell me you're going to hit that.
Watch this.
The trigger is the one behind there.
Oh oh, it's that kind of a gun, huh? Yeah.
(metal clangs) I don't believe it.
Now, with my eyes closed.
(metal clangs) Over my shoulder.
Aha, you missed that time.
Well, anybody could miss (metal clangs) One of my slow ones.
What's going on around here? Now, Ricky, look, That's enough target practice.
What's say we start hunting, huh? I bet I get more ducks than you do.
Ducks? Yeah, you know, birds flying over.
(quacking) Well, there isn't one duck within 100 miles of here.
Oh, I don't know.
These look like pretty good duck trees to me.
This might come as a surprise to you, Lucy, but you find ducks on the water, not up in the trees.
Well, I'm sure I saw Oh, there they are! There they are! Watch it, watch it! You know, that's pretty good shooting.
Not only did you kill the duck, but you knocked his feathers off and you cleaned it, too.
Yeah, well, that's enough duck hunting.
Let's do something else.
Now, wait a minute.
I think you're right.
I think there's a lot of ducks here.
No, no.
Oh, I think so.
I don't think there's any.
Look, there's a nice big fat one right over there.
Don't shoot, Ricky, it's me! Ethel, you get out of that tree! Okay.
What are you doing up in there? I was just looking at the view.
Never mind that, get out of there! Oh You come here! Ethel, what's the matter with you, getting ducks that are all cleaned and plucked? I didn't unwrap the package till I got up in the tree and then it was too late.
Oh! So Ethel has been here all the time, huh? Well, that explains a lot of things.
Does it explain why you brought me up here just to make me hate camping? That has nothing Oh, you knew about that? Yeah, I knew about that.
Oh.
(snickering) Well, I guess this makes us even, huh? Oh, all right, Ricky.
I'm sorry.
You know, I really don't want to share everything with you.
You dun't? No, I "dun't.
" Just certain things.
Like this.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
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Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
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