Lost In Space (1965) s02e29 Episode Script

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week we left Will and Dr.
Smith trapped in a mysterious cave unaware that inside, a space warp was about to open a ghostly door to an incredible haunted world.
[ Thunder Continues .]
- Do you see anything? - It looks like it gets bigger inside.
But the Robot can't fit through this opening.
Then he can stand out here on guard.
A little storm won't hurt him.
That is all right, Will Robinson.
I do not mind weather.
Better get Dr.
Smith inside before he melts.
- Bah! - [ Loud Thunder .]
- Go ahead, Dr.
Smith.
- After you, dear boy.
I shall fight a rear-guard action against the elements.
There's nothing to be afraid of in there.
Now, come on.
[ Thunder Continues .]
You see? Nothing to worry about.
It gives me claustrophobia.
I have never been able to endure confinement in small places.
[ Thunder .]
[ Yelling .]
[ Dr.
Smith .]
William? Where are you, William? [ Will .]
Right here, Dr.
Smith.
[ Yells .]
William, where did they come from? I don't know, but they sure are handy.
Golly.
A landslide sealed up the cave entrance.
A landslide? Then we are entombed.
We shall die like rats in the darkness of hunger.
- Oh, woe is me.
- Come on, Dr.
Smith.
Someone will dig us out.
They won't even know where to look! - The Robot can tell them where we are.
- That incompetent walking ingot? No, William, we may as well face it.
We are entombed, and we are doomed.
Well, this is no time to sit down.
On the contrary, William, it is a time to compose oneself to face doom bravely and with noble composure.
[ Whimpers .]
But I'm too young to die! - Where are you going? - I'm going to see if there's another entrance to the cave.
William, don't leave me here alone! William! No! My end is surely near.
[ Electronic Humming .]
[ Humming Continues .]
[ Thunder Rumbling .]
Will! Smith! They must've gone back to the ship.
Well, we better start back.
Maybe we'll catch up with them on the way.
We better get back to the ship.
- Emergency! Emergency! - What's wrong? - What is it? - Emergency! Emergency! To the rescue! - What's the matter with him? - Overheated circuits? Well, if it was possible, I'd say he's hysterical.
Emergency! To the rescue! - Well-- - Well, what could be wrong with him? - [ Thunder .]
- Well, something's wrong but whatever it is, our metallic friend doesn't make much sense.
Emergency! Emergency! Will Robinson and Dr.
Smith are trapped in a cave by a landslide! - Are they hurt? - My sensors indicate they were in good physical condition.
How long this condition prevails will depend on the air supply.
[ Thunder .]
- Will and Smith? - Oh, Don.
The Robot says they're both trapped in a cave.
[ Don .]
We'll need tools.
Picks, shovels, anything we can dig with.
- We'll start right away.
- All right.
- I'm coming with you! - [ Thunder .]
William.
William? Where are you? Oh, dear.
I'm afraid he's fallen into some crevice perhaps hurtling to the very center of this horrible planet.
[ Creaking .]
[ Shrieking .]
[ Shrieking Continues .]
[ Shrieks Echoing .]
[ Shrieking .]
- [ Pounding .]
- [ Shrieking .]
[ Footsteps Departing .]
[ Shrieking Fades .]
[ Creaking .]
[ Shrieks In Distance .]
"In this place "in the year 1497, Anno Domini "Hamish Rhu-Glamis, Ninth Laird of Glamis "was executed for high treason against his liege lord and master, James Stuart, King of Scotland.
" Scotland? I'm back on Earth! [ Tide Splashing .]
Come, come, Zachary Smith.
Pull yourself together.
Use your wits.
Think clearly.
There must be some way out of this.
And above all, be calm, Zachary.
Be calm.
Be calm.
Be calm.
Help! [ Don .]
Loose rock and shale.
We oughta be able to break through it in no time.
[ Clatter .]
- [ Clatter Continues .]
- A rescue! A reprieve from certain doom.
[ Grunts .]
Watch out.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Help! - Did you hear that? Sounded like a cry for help.
Hello! Yes! I hear you! I hear you! Hurry! Please, hurry! That's Smith's voice.
- [ Grunts .]
- Smith, is Will in there? We're both in here! Hurry! Get us out! - [ Don .]
We're coming! - Right away! - Ohhh.
- Where's Will? Ah-choo! Oh! I'm afraid I've caught a cold.
- Where is Will? - Someplace about.
Ah-choo! There, you see? I told you! My delicate constitution cannot stand the damp.
- Oh, thank heaven, you've come.
- Oh, calm yourself, Dr.
Smith.
- Where's Will? - He went to seek another exit from this infernal place.
I must get out of here! I must warm myself again in the blessed sunlight! - Dr.
Smith! - Never mind the games, Smith! Where's Will? I told you! He went that way! Will.
But he did go that way.
I saw his light vanish down a passage, I did.
There's no passage here.
Nothing but solid rock.
Don, what could have happened? Well, we know the magnetic field of this planet's unstable, Maureen.
And? And I think the storm created a warp in that field and Will went through it.
Y-You mean he passed through into another dimension? [ Maureen .]
Well, how do we get him back? [ Sighs .]
We can only try to duplicate that warp effect.
Will it work? Well, if Will stays in the same space continuum yes, I think there's a chance we can get him back.
Ohhh.
Oh.
[ Clacking .]
[ Chains Rattling .]
[ Clacking .]
[ Eerie Wailing .]
- [ Lock Clacks .]
- [ Door Creaking .]
[ Creaking .]
- Come on, you guys! Cut it out! - [ Sinister Laughter .]
Who do you think you're trying to frighten? That's child's play for any good magician an amateur at that.
Where'd you get that getup, at a used-costume sale? Hey.
Cut it out.
Where are you? [ Laughing .]
Over here.
I said to cut it out, but, you know, that is a pretty good trick-- Do it with mirrors, I guess.
Great horned toads, have you no respect for a ghostie? Why don't you stop fooling around and take me to your leader? - Me what? - You aliens are all alike.
Never come out and say what's on your mind.
Never save time and trouble.
You're always trying to scare somebody.
Tell me, are ye mortal? Well, of course.
What are you? I told you what I was.
I'm a ghostie.
If you're not gonna be sensible about this, please leave.
I kinda want to think.
[ Yelling .]
Are ye no afeared? Not even a wee bit? Not at all.
Now, how do I get out of here? [ Laughing .]
Oh, how does he get out? Oh, that's a good one.
How does he get out of here? Don't you know where you are, laddie? Now we're getting someplace.
Where are we? You're in the famous haunted ruin of Glamis Castle.
And I am the resident ghostie-- Hamish Rhu-Glamis Ninth Laird of Glamis.
- You mean, you're-- he-- - The very same, laddie.
Ah.
Would you look at that? Oh, the dust and dirt on this thing.
I'm telling you.
Things have gone to sixes and sevens around here the last few hundred years.
Ach! All right, laddie, where's your manners? - Speak up.
Who are ye? - Will Robinson.
Robinson, did you say? [ Chuckles .]
You know, that's a goodly name.
I, uh-- I knew a Robinson once.
Yes.
He was a-- He was a surgeon.
- A surgeon? - Aye.
He, uh-- He took care of me gout.
Oh.
You should have seen the foot on me.
'Twas that big.
It's still a bit swollen but that's because they cut off me head before the cure was complete.
Oh, go ahead.
You can touch it.
Oh, but be careful now.
Be careful.
[ Laughing .]
- Oh.
Ooh.
Shh, shh.
- [ Shrieking .]
Oh, there's Angus again.
Excuse me.
[ Shrieking Continues .]
Excuse me.
I forgot something.
- [ Snaps .]
- Ahhh.
You see, it's only the soft music of the pipes that keeps Angus calm.
[ "Loch Lomond" .]
- ## [ Continue .]
- I sure wish he'd stop popping in and out like that.
Hamish! Hamish, where are you? - ## [ Continues .]
- Hamish, will you stop playing tricks? Hamish? Oh, you're out there.
[ Continues .]
What is that thing? Ahh.
Oh, I'm-- I'm telling ye-- Piping is grand, laddie, but it surely takes the wind out of a man.
I asked you a question.
What is that? Huh? Ah.
Angus, is it? Ah, sure, he's the Curse of Glamis.
What is he? What's he like? It's a wee bit difficult to describe poor Angus.
- Part human, you know? - Human? Oh, yes, yes.
Why shouldn't he be too? Isn't he me own great great great grand-uncle? Or is it, uh, great great great great grand-uncle? Aye, that's it.
Oh, these generations are very confusing.
Very confusing.
- What else is he like? - Oh, now, like I said it is very hard to say.
[ Chuckles .]
You, uh-- You could call him the thing that goes bump in the night.
Yes.
He also eats people.
Is it safe out here? Ach, to be sure, to be sure.
Yes.
Angus loves the soft music of the pipes.
[ Bagpipes .]
Well, like I told you now, he is a wee bit odd, you know? Uh, down.
Down, down, Angus! Down now.
Easy! You better be off inside.
He becomes uncontrollable when he smells fresh meat.
Now off with you.
Off I say.
Off! [ Bagpipes .]
[ Breathing Heavily .]
We'll come back with explosives and take that cave apart.
- Will's gotta be in there.
- Don? Mom! - Will! - Oh, Will! - Oh.
- Oh, Will.
Where have you been? I'm not sure.
Then I went along this corridor and out this door and here I am.
Don't you believe me? Will, I think you better go to bed.
You're overtired.
I don't have a fever, Mom.
I tell you-- that's just the way it happened.
I was back on Earth.
I was there! [ Maureen .]
We'll talk about it later.
I guess I better go to bed.
Go ahead, dear.
Doesn't anybody believe me? [ Wolf Whistle .]
Oh, now, that's enough of that.
You don't believe that stuff about ghoulies and ghosties and strange beasties, do you? I believe something happened to Will in that cave and instead of everybody doubting him, I think it should be investigated.
Aw, come on, Judy.
Will had a rough time in there.
He imagined things.
Oh, no, Don.
Will's not the kind of boy to imagine things.
No, Judy's right.
There is something in that cave that bears investigating.
I couldn't agree more, madam.
William was in that cave with me and there was no apparent way for him to get out.
Well, I'm not about to start believing in ghosts Scottish ghosts or any other kind.
Good night.
Don't worry, dear.
I'll talk to Will about it in the morning.
I wonder.
- [ Knocking .]
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
William? Come in, Dr.
Smith.
I thought you'd be awake, and so I brought you some milk.
No, thank you.
I don't want any milk.
As you wish.
William, my dear boy, I know how you feel.
It's very hard to tell the truth and not be believed.
The same thing has happened to me so many times and I always found it very disconcerting.
However, on some occasions, I have managed to establish my veracity by, uh, offering some physical evidence.
- Now, if you had any such evidence-- - Evidence of what? Of the fact that you were actually back on Earth.
How could I ever prove anything like that? Perhaps you picked up a trifle on the way.
No.
- Wait a minute! - Yes? Yes? - Yes? - How about this? - A weed? - It was growing all over the castle wall.
Well, that's hardly conclusive evidence, William.
Plants like this could grow anywhere on the planet.
However, I shall take it along and give it some scientific tests and we shall see.
- Good night.
- Good night.
[ Sighs .]
I just couldn't have dreamed it all.
I know that I just couldn't have.
## [ Bagpipes .]
[ Bagpipes Continue .]
No.
No.
Yes! Yes.
"Scotch Ivy.
Indigenous to the British Isles particularly the Ayrshire district of Scotland.
I knew it.
The boy has stumbled onto something an entrance through the dimensions and back to Mother Earth.
Oh, joy.
Oh, bliss.
I must act at once.
- Will Robinson.
- Yes, Robot? Your father ordered me to patrol the area while he is away.
I must warn you: It is not safe to venture beyond the perimeter of the ship, Will Robinson.
Well, it's all right.
I'm not gonna go very far.
Say, did you hear any music out here? Certain cacophonous sounds were received and recorded by my sensors.
That sounds about right.
Now, don't worry about me.
I won't be going very far.
[ Snoring .]
Sir Hamish! [ Gasps .]
Aaah! Back! Back, ye black imp! Back, back! By the powers, I command ye! Oh.
Why, Hamish, I thought we were friends.
And don't you try to play any of your sneaky tricks on me again! Oh.
- I didn't play any tricks on you.
- Oh, didn't you, indeed, huh? And how come then, this poor, tormented ghost of Hamish Rhu-Glamis is in the perdition that he is? - Ohhh.
- It isn't perdition.
Of course it's perdition! Would you look at it? - What's wrong with it? - It's the gout, you clod.
It's the gout! After 400 years, it's come back to plague me.
If that's not perdition, I don't know what is.
- Ghosts don't have gout.
- Ohh.
Aaah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Now he's trying to murder me, the wretch! - Ohhh! Oh! Oh! - I touched you! Yeah.
Of course you touched me, you--y-- You-- You did touch me! I'm flesh and blood again.
I-- I'm no longer a ghostie.
Now, look at the mess you've got me into! I thought you'd be glad.
Ohhh.
Me head won't come off either.
Have you no notion how this happened? It must've happened when you passed through the space warp.
Ah, space warp, indeed! Will you give over with your whinin' explanations and tell me how I get back to where I belong? You mean you wanna be a ghost again? Do you think I want to go through another miserable lifetime of this gout in me foot.
Well, I do not.
And besides, who would look after poor Angus when I'm not around? Ah! Ooh.
Well, I don't know about that, but my mother might be able to help your gout.
- She's awfully good at doctoring.
- Ah, your mother indee-- Ohhh! Oh.
Oh, well, I think we-- we best try something.
All right.
Do what-- Do what you have to do, laddie and I'm going to lie down.
Oh.
- Watch out for your gout, sir.
- Aye.
Aaah! Ohhh! Aaah! Ohhh! Oh! Oh-ho-ho! Ooh! It just can't be.
I can see him and I can touch him, but I just don't believe it.
I didna come here to be insulted.
[ Sighs .]
You say you're Hamish, Ninth Laird of Glamis.
- Aye.
- And you're a ghost? I am-- or at least I was.
Now, give me your hand, please.
The gout's in me foot, woman, not in me hand.
Do as Mom says, Hamish.
Ohhh.
All right! - What's yon dagger for? - I'm going to take a sample of your blood.
What? Aaah! Oh! I've fallen among vampires.
Demons and ghosts and all the powers of darkness-- avaunt! I'm going to run a test on this blood to see if you're really human or not.
I believe I can provide assurances on that point.
Permit me to introduce myself.
I am Dr.
Zachary Smith.
Never mind that, Smith.
Just get to the point.
The point is this.
- What is it? - It's a kind of ivy indigenous to the British Isles and particularly to the Ayrshire district of Scotland.
Well, that settles it then.
We must radio John out by the relay station.
He can explain how to set up that magnetic-warp apparatus.
The only problem is, John, we can't generate enough power to maintain the warp for more than a few seconds.
which means only one besides Hamish can go through.
[ John .]
I see what you mean.
You're gonna be needed at the magnetizer controls.
- I could go.
- Oh, no, dear.
No chance, Judy.
Not without knowing what's beyond that warp.
- May I propose a solution? - Yeah.
Let's hear it, Smith.
I shall go myself.
- You? - Why? I am eminently qualified from a scientific point of view.
I shall return to Earth with this briefcase containing star charts pinpointing our exact location in space.
Within a matter of months, a relief expedition will be on the way to rescue all of you.
- What could be simpler? - How do we know this isn't one of your tricks, Smith? Tricks? I? I'm afraid you'll just have to trust me.
That's like trusting a fox in a henhouse.
Spare me the poisonous barbs, Major! They fall on deaf ears! I have proposed a logical solution.
Now you find something better.
Don, he's right.
It's our best chance.
- But-- - No buts.
You set it up that way, and don't wait for me if I'm not back.
That warp could close up at any time.
All right, let's get back to the Jupiter and pick up some superchargers.
- Right.
- Smith, you and the Robot stay here and guard this.
When we get back, we'll assemble it inside the cave.
I knew they'd see it my way.
Oh, you take the low road and I'll take the high road And I'll be in Scotland before ye And me and my true love will never meet again By the bonny, bonny banks of Loch Lomond Oh, dearie, dearie me.
What a horrible sound! Humph! ## [ Bagpipes: "Loch Lomond".]
Well, what do you want, you bubbleheaded booby? Some sounds are even too much for my electronic hearing, Dr.
Smith.
[ Continues .]
I see what you mean.
Well, sir, I might as well say farewell to you now since I shall be departing in the morning.
And let me tell you that our association has been most unpleasant and I do not regret its termination in the very least.
- Mutual, Dr.
Smith.
- What did you say? I said do not be so certain you will not be coming back.
I shall never return, you tintinnabulating tin can! Never! Ah, my dear sir.
What lovely, lovely music.
So delicate.
Quiet! You're disturbing me music, weasel-snout! My sincere apologies, my dear sir but I did think that since we are to journey together through time and space we should know a bit more about each other.
I am Dr.
Zachary Smith, psychic investigator extraordinaire.
I am a student of the occult, a sophisticated man of the world, a bon vivant.
You're nothing but a nasty, mealy mouthed gizzard.
- That's what you are! - I beg your pardon.
And treasonous to the first word.
Oh, I know your kind very well, Smith.
You have no intention of sending a rescue back to your comrades when you're safe on Earth! And I wouldn't be a bit surprised but there's nothing but dirty shirts in that wee bag of yours there.
- My dear Hamish.
- Quiet! That's enough! - Don't deny it! - Very well.
But under the circumstances, I would find it most inconvenient for them to return to Earth to bear witness against me.
I knew it! I knew it! But surely the rule of self-preservation was the same in your time, was it not? There were always self-seekers.
Aye that! Ohhh! Oh.
Then I beg you, sir, I implore you-- do not betray me to the others.
I have no intention of it.
It has always been my belief that a man finds his own just desserts.
And now, good night to ye, Dr.
Smith.
Heh.
Ooh.
All right.
As soon as you get to Earth you make sure the Space Authority gets this.
Never fear, Smith is here.
Yeah.
All right, Maureen.
Let's get this activated.
- [ High-pitched Whining .]
- Good-bye, dear William.
Try to cherish the priceless bits of wisdom that I've managed to pass on to you.
Take care, Dr.
Smith.
And Penny.
How I shall miss you, dear Penny.
We'll be seeing you again soon, Dr.
Smith.
Of course you will.
Good-bye.
Now I'm ready.
[ Don .]
Stand by.
[ Electronic Humming .]
All right.
You've got 20 seconds.
Go! Oh.
Dr.
Smith, you forgot your charts! - Keep the door open! - It's at max power now.
She won't take any more.
Ohhh.
[ Switches Clicking .]
We've blown a power pack.
I'll have to get another one.
- How long will that take? - At least an hour.
Oh, dear.
Don't worry, Mom.
We'll get Will back I hope.
[ "Loch Lomond" .]
Ahhh.
Ah.
Home again.
Ah, what a grand, cozy feeling, huh? [ Dr.
Smith .]
Hamish! Hamish Rhu-Glamis! Wait for me! Did you hear that, Angus? Did you hear that, huh? [ Laughing .]
Now, now.
Now, none of that, you naughty boy.
None of that, I say.
Oh, we'll give him a bit of a fright all right just to let him know what kind of a place he's in, huh? [ Laughing .]
Hamish, are you there? Hamish? Hamish? Hamish, are you there? Hamish? Oh, good heavens.
It worked.
It's Earth! I'm back on Earth! [ Eerie Groans .]
Is that you, Hamish? [ Shrieking .]
Is-- Is-- Is that you? [ Shrieking Continues .]
Stay away from me! Oh, no! No! Aaah! Dr.
Smith! Hamish! Where are you? Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith, where are you? Hamish! Ohhh.
Ohhh.
Where am I? How do you feel, huh? Aaah! Oh, good heavens! You gave me quite a turn.
Don't do that! Oh, forgive me.
I forgot that you're not used to such terrible sights, huh? - [ Laughing .]
- Aaah! Did the cold chills run up and down your spine, huh? Yes, they did.
Indeed they did.
Ah, good, good.
And your teeth did they chitter-chatter and gnash? Yes, so much so that they still hurt.
Ach, I'm in rare form altogether, huh? - [ Laughing .]
- How did I get here? And what happened to that-- to that horrible creature? Hush, now! Hush! You're speaking of Angus, a dear relative.
A relative? I see.
Well, I'm sure he'd be much more charming under other circumstances.
Yes, well, now, come along now.
We better be going inside.
- Yes.
My baggage.
My baggage.
- Ah, just so, just so.
- Thank you.
- After you, sir.
[ Faint Shrieking .]
[ Louder Shrieking .]
- What is this? - Here we are.
- Isn't this cozy? - Cozy, indeed.
I think not.
Oh.
What is this obscene thing? - A chopping block.
- A chopping block.
What? And this is the chopper.
[ Laughs .]
And this-- This makes a man's last moments very comfortable indeed.
Listen, would you like to try it, huh? Heaven forbid.
Now, let's not dawdle any longer, sir.
Just show me the way out of here and back to my beautiful Earth.
Ah, just so.
Just so.
You might try that door over there.
- That door? - Aye.
- You're quite sure? - Oh, certain.
World, dear world here I come! [ Creaking .]
- Aaah! - [ Hamish Laughing .]
- [ Snaps .]
- Aaah! - [ Laughing Continues .]
- Oh, dear! What is-- What is this horrible place? Ah, you poor gom, you.
Do you think that they make it easy for a man to go from one world to the next, huh? Well, then, my dear sir, I must implore you let me return to my friends at once, if you please.
Your friends, huh? The ones that you were so anxious to leave behind, is it, huh? - Well-- - Ahhh.
Well, no matter.
There's the door, laddie.
- The door? - Aye.
Ah ah ah.
But remember, Uncle Angus will be waiting on the other side for ya.
Uncle Angus? Help! Help me, someone! No use shouting.
No one can hear you.
Get me out of here.
You must get me out of here! Ohh, hush, hush, hush, lad.
You'll grow to love this place in a hundred years or so.
- A hundred years? - Aye.
My dear sir, I shall be dead of starvation much before then.
Oh, that you will indeed, laddie.
And maybe then as a ghostie you'll provide a fitting companion for meself.
A ghostie? An earthbound spirit? Me? For a man of your miserable disposition, it's the only fitting thing! Miserable disposition indeed! I don't think you should talk about miserable dispositions you miserable specter! After all, no one in my family turned traitor to the king! What? Your family? And what were they, mate, I ask, huh? A miserable bunch of ragpickers, I'll warrant! How dare you, sir? I'll have you to know that on my mother's side I am a direct descendant of the noblest family in Scotland.
Oh, to be sure, to be sure.
Say you so indeed.
Say I so indeed.
And let me add you further I am a direct descent to the noble Ruthven family! [ Thunder .]
- Ruthven? - Ruthven! Oh, powers above did you hear what he said? "Ruthven," he said! Ruthven, that accursed name! [ Thunder .]
Ruthven the traitor! Ruthven the informer! Ruthven that sent me to the block! Hamish, my dear sir, please control yourself.
Silence, you spawn of Ruthven! Now, sir, through his miserable carcass - I, Hamish Rhu-Glamis - [ Thunder .]
shall gain my revenge! Through your miserable carcass-- [ Exhales Deeply .]
I will find everlasting peace.
Oh, no.
Not me.
Not that.
Not him.
Not me.
Take this vile traitor to the block! You don't mean that.
What are you doing? Hamish, I implore you.
I am completely innocent! Why would you do a thing like this? Hamish! Dr.
Smith! Where are you? Doesn't anybody hear me? Please, I implore you! This entire procedure is highly illegal.
There's been no trial.
I see no jury.
As defendant in this case, I must protest! My rights are being ignored! - Something must be done! - Hush your clabber, and die like a man! Die? I'm too young to die.
Oh, I'm dreaming.
I must be dreaming.
- Oh, the pain, the pain.
Don't make the ropes too tight.
- Hold still, ya silly klutz! - Now, down.
Down with you! - No, no! No, no! No! No! Go ahead.
Put the poor man out of his misery.
[ Yelps .]
Shameful, shameful! You nasty creature, you.
You caused the man to miss his chop! Ohhh.
We'll give it another try.
Whenever you're ready, Master Headsman.
- Dr.
Smith! - Hmm? What are you doing here? William, help me! Save me.
Don't let him chop off my head! I should say not.
Who ever heard of such a thing? Now, now.
Now, laddie, there are great issues at stake here.
Once his miserable, worthless head rolls in the dust I shall be free to enter unto my eternal rest.
I have never heard of anything so utterly selfish! S-Selfish? I'm thinking not of myself, but of poor Angus out there.
Think of him, laddie.
Lying there on the bottom of that lake for 900 years all covered with slimy, crawly things and in that horrible monster shape of his.
Now, once I'm free, he'll be free too.
Now stand aside, laddie.
Stand aside.
It'll all be over in a snick-snack chop! No! I won't let you do it! Angus! - No, don't, don't! Laddie, come back! - Angus! Angus is out there! Ahh.
Ah, the poor laddie is daft.
Make himself comfortable there and I'll be back in a moment.
No! No, wait! Oh, no! No, I implore you! Please, spare me! Angus, I wanna talk to you! You've gotta listen to me! [ Shrieking .]
[ Loud Shrieking .]
Angus, I don't know what you did to have this happen to you but it must've been pretty bad.
And I don't know what Hamish did but it must've been bad too.
But the thing is, you did those things and you got what you deserved for them.
And now Hamish is gonna kill my friend so that you and he can be free from your curse.
Dr.
Smith isn't a good man, but he's not a bad one, either.
The thing is, he's alive.
He's a man like you were once.
Remember how it was when you could be strong and weak all at the same time? When you wanted to do good things but they turned out bad because you were human and a man like Dr.
Smith? Angus, please.
Ask Hamish to let Dr.
Smith go.
[ Shrieking .]
Back! Back, Angus! Back, I say.
Back to your watery grave.
Back, I say! Back, all right? Go on.
Back.
Back with ya! Back! Back! [ Splash, Hiss .]
Ach, I tell you, laddie, that was uncommon brave of you.
You know, you put Hamish Rhu-Glamis to shame.
- What about Dr.
Smith? - Huh? Aye.
Yes.
Well, all right.
Take him.
Take him and go back where ye belong.
Thanks, Hamish.
And thank Angus too.
I will, I will.
Now, off with ya.
Off.
No! Sir? Am I dead already? - Dr.
Smith! - William! William! Am I dead? - No.
And with your luck, you're not going to be.
- What? There.
Come on.
We've gotta get out of here.
Help me! Yes, quickly.
Quickly! Oh! Oh, dear! Which way should we go? I think this way.
- No, this way.
- No, it's this way.
I'm sure! Quick! Stand by.
Judy.
[ Electronic Humming .]
Turn it off! Will! Oh, Will.
Are you all right? - I'm fine, except for one thing.
- What? I sure feel sorry for poor Hamish and Angus back there.
Sorry indeed.
The back of the hand to the both of them.
However, it might perhaps be the time for charity to outweigh justice.
Well, maybe a bit of a tune will cheer us up, eh, Angus? Huh? Thank you.
- ## [ "Loch Lomond" .]
- [ Shrieking .]
[ Man .]
Hamish Rhu-Glamis, Laird o'Glamis.
Yes? Who calls Hamish Rhu-Glamis? It's your father, Hamish.
Father.
Ahhh.
I haven't heard from you in a long time.
Hamish, my son, you failed to take your righteous revenge.
Ach, I know, Father.
I know.
But like you always say, I am a bit of a fool.
Hamish, you might've lost your chance for eternal rest.
You are guilty of charity, Hamish.
Yes, I-- I suppose so.
And for that, Hamish, Laird o'Glamis there can be but one judgment.
Come home, Hamish.
Oh, you-- You mean, Fath-- You've earned your rest.
Now, get a move on.
I-- Oh.
What, uh-- - What about poor Angus, Father? - Ach, take him along.
Ahhh.
[ Chuckles .]
Angus, come on out, laddie.
Out.
Come on out of all that.
Here.
Give me your hand.
There we are.
Angus, we're going home.
[ Thunder .]
All right now, Robot.
You have the first line.
Affirmative.
Okay.
Let's begin the play.
- Oh, my child.
What shall we do? - ## [ Melodramatic Piano .]
There is no food in the house, winter is upon us and we're without friends.
Hostile Indians are attacking us.
Oh, no! Oh, my child.
Do not despair, Mother dear, for we still have each other.
Where is he? Dr.
Smith! Yes? I was just checking my costume and makeup.
You were supposed to make an entrance! This is only a rehearsal, William.
I know my part perfectly.
Know it.
You live it! Perfect typecasting, if you ask me.
No one did, you Neanderthal ninny and spare me the asinine ad-libs.
All right! All right, all right.
Now, you're in the house, Dr.
Smith, and the mother reacts in fear.
- Let's hear it.
- ## [ Melodramatic Piano .]
Aha! Aha! Aha, me proud beauty! I have you in me power now! [ Sinister Laughter .]
I am a poor defenseless woman.
Have pity.
Out! I beg your pardon, dear.
Out! Out into the tempest and the storm and face the hostile Indians! Mercy! Mercy! Oh, please, sir.
Do not throw us out into the raging storm.
Because, baby, it's cold out there.
Ohhh! That does it.
I resign.
How can we put on a serious play when this metallic ham will not follow the script? This play doesn't need a director.
It needs a referee.
Now, when you're all ready to take this seriously, call me! Do not leave, Will Robinson.
We need you.
We don't need the writer or the director.
All we need is the star-- me.
Penny, let's try it from my entrance.
I will knock and you will answer.
[ Robot .]
What was my line again? "Just one moment!" Oh, yes.
Now I remember.
Waiting for the knock at the door, Dr.
Smith.
- [ Knocking .]
- Hark.
[ Gasps .]