Are We There Yet? (2010) s02e30 Episode Script

[Distant guitar music.]
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
Kevin's guitar group is pretty good.
It's just Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
When he moves up to Purple rain, we'll get a better idea if this is his thing.
Nick, after just a few classes, I think they're doing very well.
Ah, Sookie Sookie now.
[laughs.]
Bam.
You think I can be in the video? If you promise to bring the juice boxes, yes.
[Both laugh.]
[Phone ringing.]
Oh, hold on.
Oh, it's the station.
I have to get this.
Okay.
Is practice over yet? I think they're finishing up.
Who's your child? - Nathan.
- Oh, Nathan.
My son is Kevin.
I'm Suzanne.
Oh, I'm Renee.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
- Hey, mom.
- Hi.
Can Nathan come over to our house? We have to practice Are you sleeping? Well, it's okay with me if it's okay with his mom.
Of course.
I don't want to be the one to get in the way of the next Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis.
Let me give you my address.
There you go.
- "Suzanne Kingston-persons"? - Mm-Hmm.
Are you related to Nate Kingston-persons, the sports guy? Yeah, that's my husband.
I feel so silly telling you this, but Nick and I, we went out a few times, like, a long, long, long time ago.
Oh, in a galaxy far, far away? Well, it was, like, It was just a few dates, and I'm glad to see he found somebody that's right for him.
Thank you.
And if our kids are gonna be playing together, I really felt like you should know.
No, I appreciate you being upfront, really.
Thank you very much.
- Hey, mom.
- Hi.
This is Nathan.
- Hello, Nathan.
- Hello, Mrs.
Kingston-persons.
- It's nice to meet you.
- You too.
- So I will see you tomorrow? - I can go to Kevin's? - Yes, he didn't tell you? - No.
Cool.
Hit it.
[Beat-boxing.]
Bam.
Isn't that cool, mom? He does the exact same dance as dad.
Like, the exact same dance.
Are we there yet? Tell me, tell me, tell me Tell me, are we there yet? - Good morning, sweetheart.
- Good morning, mom.
Hey, good morning.
Kevin, I was watching MTV, and there was a guitar player on named Jimi Hendrix, and instead of playing, he would set his guitar on fire.
You should do that.
Oh, well, I was watching YouTube, and I saw this guy jump off a roof and split his head open.
- You should do that.
- Okay, enough.
Mom, I need to get some new heels for the school's fashion show.
Well, why don't you check your closet? The ones I have aren't high enough.
I need at least four inches.
Four inches? What are you doing, installing ceiling fans? Well, I can't take you to the mall today because Kevin's friend Nathan is coming over after school.
Maybe I'll ask Gigi to take you shopping.
- Ding-dong.
- Hey, Big Brother.
- Hi, Terrence.
- What is all that? Last time I was here, I noticed a lot of major security lapses around the perimeter of your house, so I'm installing you guys a new security system.
Cool.
Hey, Uncle Terrence, is this a motion detector? It's not a motion detector.
It is The motion detector.
All right? It measures movement down to the micrometer with infrared lasers.
- Which means what? - It detects motion.
Okay, look, now, how about a simple security system that alerts the neighborhood watch? I'm so glad I'm not you.
So naive.
By the time you call the rent-a-cops, you and your family will be hogtied and helpless, all right? The system I'm installing is hooked up to a satellite.
It'll alert the NSA, the FBI, the CIA, and the BBS.
What's the BBS? If I tell you that, little sis, I'ma have to kill you.
Terrence, look, just don't over do it, all right? Fine.
Go put this in my car.
- What's this? - C-4.
Oh! What's wrong with y'all? Man, I use this like play-doh.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Hey, Gigi, can you take Lindsey to the mall today? She needs new shoes for her school fashion show.
[Screams.]
I love shoe shopping.
- What's her budget? - $60.
No, really, what's the budget? - $60.
- That's enough for the box.
What about the shoes? - $60.
- Fine.
Hey, tell me about Renee.
Okay, so she said that she used to date Nick, and he swears he can't remember her, and she has this kid, his name is Nathan, and I swear, Gigi, he reminds me so much of Nick.
- How old is he? - 12.
Mmm, I see.
You see? What do you see? - You're joking.
- No, I'm not joking.
What am I supposed to be seeing? You're supposed to be seeing that supposedly Nick dated this girl 12 years ago.
The boy is 12.
You said he looks like Nick.
No, I said he reminds me of Nick.
How does he remind you of Nick? Does he say, "hey, remember Nick?" Or does he look like Nick? You can't be serious.
Well, you're the one throwing around hints and clues, trying to figure out if I think what you think, and, yes, I think that.
Gigi, if Nick had a kid, he would have told me.
Unless he didn't know.
He doesn't even remember this woman.
Which goes along with him not knowing.
Okay, so what is that supposed to mean? I don't know.
You'll find out later.
Hey, if I find shoes that are 50% off or more, can I go up to 75? - Fine.
- Good.
[Light guitar music.]
Man, I've been trying to get that forever.
- Yeah.
- You want something to drink? - Sure.
- Be right back.
[Alarm blaring.]
Yes, yes, beautiful.
[Yells.]
Oh, hey, nephew.
Sorry about that.
What the heck was that? Oh, I just sprayed the floor with some pressurized gloss.
I didn't even know you was gonna be here.
Why wouldn't I be here? I live here.
That was a little smart-mouth, but I'ma let that go.
Who that? - Really? - Really.
Who that in the doorway? Oh, that's my friend Nathan.
We're practicing guitar.
Oh, guitar.
I like the guitar.
Okay, I got a request.
Play Beat It by the black Michael Jackson.
You don't look like you would like Michael Jackson.
What? That hurt my feelings, man.
I love the big-nosed Michael Jackson.
You like Rihanna, don't you? - A little bit.
Well, you don't look like it.
So go on and play your little funky guitar and don't be so judgmental.
All right, and let me know when you finish.
- Wow, who was that? - Sorry about that.
That was my Uncle Terrance.
He's special.
- Want to play some games? - Sure.
You got Madden? Hey, that's my dad's favorite game.
Did you know my mother and your father used to go out? Actually, he's my step dad.
- I got a step dad too.
- Cool.
Can I be The Saints? Hey, that's my dad's favorite team.
I guess I'll be The Panthers.
Why would you want to be The Carolina Panthers? My dad asks me the same question.
Maybe you ought to listen to him.
I hope you like getting beat.
Mm-Hmm.
All right.
Uh-huh.
Okay, come on.
Turn around.
Come, come, come.
Come on.
All right.
So if you walk like that, you will be laughed off stage or you will fall off stage.
Hey, all I need is a little practice.
No, practice is for people who know what they're doing.
You need training.
Have you ever seen that movie Karate Kid? Yeah.
Okay, we're gonna do that with you, except with all these shoes, okay? - Uh, Gigi? - What? I asked for one pair of heels.
What's all this? Uh-uh.
She not ready for the heels we got her.
She needs my training.
Now walk.
You'll see.
Look at that.
That's just awful.
All right, close it, close it, close it.
[Doorbell rings.]
Come back.
Come back.
Just come back.
Just mm, that's just Mmm.
- Oh, my God.
Nick? - Niecy? Yes.
[Laughs.]
Hey, girl.
- Niecy.
- Hmm.
- Come on in.
Come on in.
So Niecy, huh? Well, that's what I knew her by.
I didn't even know "Renee" was her first name.
- You didn't know she had a kid? - No.
He's a mighty strong-looking boy for 12.
So after you broke up, you didn't keep in touch? There was no reason to.
It wasn't even that official.
Look, we just went our separate ways.
Suzanne, that's it.
There's nothing left to tell.
Okay, but I'm sorry, Nick, it's just too much of a coincidence.
I mean, you dated this woman and I'm assuming you Yeah, so? So, you don't think that there's even a remote possibility that You think Nathan is my son? I don't know, but you have to admit, he does kind of favor you.
So? And where'd you get that from? Math.
Women.
Nick, you wouldn't be the first.
That kid is not my son.
- Say "chicken nuggets.
" - Chicken nuggets? I thought you said our security system wasn't gonna be this complicated.
It's not.
It's a simple Cobra Alpha six setup, all right? All the foreign drug dealers use this system.
Why do I need the same amount of security as a drug kingpin? Look, you like to wake up in the morning with your wife right next to you, right? That's security.
You go to the pantry.
You know a box of cereal will be there in the morning.
That's security.
All I'm trying to do is make sure you get a kiss and some corn flakes.
- You like corn flakes, right? - Yeah.
All right, well, then shut up.
So math aside, why does she think the kid could be yours? Why not bring him in here? You can see for yourself.
- Kevin? - Yeah? Why don't you and Nathan come on in here? Are we in trouble? Did you do something? - No.
Coming.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
Wow, Mr.
Kingston-persons, is this where you do the show? The web series.
We go to the station for the news.
Nathan, that is a very nice outfit you're wearing today.
- Did your mom pick that out? - No, I picked it myself.
Hey, Mr.
Kingston-persons, do you think I'm too young to shave my head bald? I don't know.
Why? I don't know.
I just like how it looks.
Okay, little man, look, if you gonna be visiting my nephew, I'ma have to take your picture and get your fingerprints.
I don't think I should do that.
I think you should.
It's for security.
I know, but my mother always said if a strange man tried to take pictures of me or acted too friendly, I should call for help.
Mr.
Kingston-persons, can you help me? Boy, sit down.
Ain't nobody gonna touch you.
It's all right, son.
He's not gonna bother you.
What's that? Ow.
What was that? Oh, it was a little something in your hair.
Okay, you guys can go now.
Wait, why did you guys call me in here? I forgot.
If I remember, I'll call you.
Yo, I don't know if he's yours or not, but I'ma find out who kid this really is.
Yeah.
Hope he ain't mine.
What are you doing? There was this guy Renee was supposed to be going out with after me.
I'm seeing if I can find a picture of him.
Maybe he looks like me.
- Any luck? - Nope.
You know what? Since you believe this and I'm not sure, why don't I just ask Renee straight out? Because if he's not your kid, she's gonna think you're crazy.
Well, would rather not know and have her think I'm sane or know and have her think I'm crazy? Fine.
When do we do this? Not we.
Me.
Nick, why can't I go? This affects me too.
I don't want her to feel ganged up on.
Look, I just want to find out the truth.
If you're there, she might not talk.
Oh, if I'm there, she's gonna talk.
She'll tell you what you want to know.
She'll tell you what you need to know.
She might even tell you stuff she don't even know she know, you know? - Hey, Renee.
- Hey.
Thanks for meeting me.
Where's Suzanne? Uh, well, actually, I needed to talk to you alone.
Okay.
What is it? - It's Nathan.
- What did he do? You know, the question is, what did you do? See, I need to know, is there any possibility that Nathan is my son? What? No.
I mean, do you really think I would keep something like that from you? How would I know? I mean, we only went out a few times.
[Scoffs.]
Well, he's not your son, all right? - You are not his father.
- Okay.
Good.
I just needed to make sure.
At least, I don't think you are.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Okay.
Wait.
How do you have something for 12 years and not know who it belongs to? That's like moving into an apartment with free cable.
The only one that got away with that was goldilocks.
I don't know, all right? I mean, the reason why I stopped dating you is because I was on again and off again with somebody else.
Okay.
Wow.
Um, Renee, I'm gonna need a DNA test.
I get it.
What are you gonna tell your husband? Everything.
We'll be in touch.
Okay.
Okay, what's the story? - What the - Honey, I had to know.
Look, she says she's not sure, and we're gonna get a DNA test.
I knew it.
I knew I should have checked you out a little more.
What are you doing here, Terrence? Oh, I had to get the whole story myself, 'cause I got fooled once, and it ain't gonna happen again.
- Terrence, I can handle this.
- Okay.
But you see that stupid look on his face? That means he didn't know.
What, you were listening to us? No, I can read lips in 17 languages.
Martin, unabomber, I see you.
Nick, Suzanne, Terrence.
Wait a second, this isn't the library.
Okay, everybody, listen, all right? She doesn't know whose kid it is, and we're gonna get a DNA test, okay? Everybody cool? - Yeah, that's fine.
- Yeah, I'm cool.
Come on, man.
Let's go write a manifesto.
- Ma.
- What? I see you.
Well, I was just trying to look out for you.
What's this? Your check.
Hand off rail.
How many more of these do I have to do? You do them until you can't do them anymore.
Up sideways.
Flatten out.
Walking in heels is torture, Lindsey.
You have to build your endurance.
If you can climb, run, jump, hop on one foot, and Skip, then you can walk, and when you get on that runway, it'll be like you've been walking in heels since the day you've been born.
I can't do this anymore.
- Are you sure? - Yes, I'm sure.
Good.
No, no, keep 'em on.
Sleep in them.
Walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night in them.
You will become the heels, and the heels will become you.
I don't want the heels to become me.
I was just trying to have some fun in a fashion show.
Forget it.
I'll wear flats.
Oh.
But Hi.
Hey.
So, babe, when do you get the test results back? Renee called.
She said they should be up now.
I was just waiting till I got home so we could do this together.
I just have to log in for the results.
Well, Nick, I just want you to know, if he is your son, I'm gonna be there for both of you.
I love you.
I love you too, baby.
[Sighs.]
[Sighs.]
Well? Based on genetic testing results obtained by PCI analysis with a cumulative paternity index of zero, probably of paternity is 0.
0%.
Nick Kingston-persons is excluded as the biological father of Nathan Hampton.
[Both cheering.]
The kid is not your son.
[Imitating Michael Jackson vocal ad-libbing.]
All right, guys.
What'll it be? I got a turkey sandwich.
I got a grilled cheese.
I got a peanut butter and jelly.
No peanut butter for me.
I'm allergic.
Really? Well, I'm not allergic to nuts at all.
I can eat almonds, pistachios, macadamia.
Okay, dad, we get it.
We'll just have grilled cheese.
Yeah.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Take a right at the top of the stairs.
Hey, dad, can I ask you something? Of course, Kev.
If I liked the same things that you like, like football and stuff, you think we'd have more fun together? Kevin, I don't need you to be like me to enjoy being around you.
The reason I love you is because you're who you are.
Look, don't ever think you need to change, son.
- Cool? - Cool.
Ah, look at you.
How was the show? Um, Lindsey, show him a little of what you gave the crowd.
Okay.
Ah, sashay.
Sashay.
Sashay.
Sashay.
Who is this, Tyra? People told me I walked like a real model.
She looked great out there.
Thanks to mom.
She showed me a little trick.
Well, I just told her to put some shoe pads in her shoes.
And to lean back a little as I walked.
That made all the difference.
Did any of Gigi's drills help? Well, when that one model fell, I was able to jump over her and not miss a step, so I guess a little.
- Thanks, mommy.
- You're welcome.
She's so cute.
Look at that walk.
- She was awesome.
- That's hot.
Hi.
Okay, so what are you doing now? We had a glitch in the system.
I had to pull everything out.
Man, wait, you told me all that stuff was top-of-the-line, the stuff drug kingpins use.
Yeah, it was last week.
But it's like iPods, you know? None of it work with the new software.
Well, what are we supposed to do? Why don't you just get a dog like everybody else? We'll stick with 911.
Thanks anyway.
Suit yourself.
Oh, yeah, by the way, you know that kid upstairs sneaking up to the bathroom? - He ain't yours.
- Thanks.
Y'all ain't gonna answer the door? The doorbell didn't ring.
[Doorbell rings.]
[Door closes.]
Okay.