I Love Lucy (1951) s02e31 Episode Script
Never Do Business with Friends
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) (alarm clock ringing) TV ANNOUNCER: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Here we are once again from the Rainbow Arena bringing you a 15-round bout for the championship.
It's a lovely evening, and we've had a wonderful turnout here at the largest stadium in the East.
We can see many celebrities.
The weather is fine, and a sell-out gate is expected.
Okay, sucker, who do you like, huh? I like Murphy.
He'll murder this other guy.
(chuckles) Oh, my little pigeon.
You like Murphy, eh? Okay, now, let me see he's, uh three-to-one underdog So I'll give you, um even money.
You think you're kidding but I'll take it.
What you do, you find a gold mine or something? Throwing your money away like that? Just put up or shut up, buster.
I'll put up, I'll put up.
How much would you like to bet, Mr.
Rockefeller? Make it easy on yourself.
All right, uh ten dollars? What's the matter, you frightened? Fifteen dollars? How about $20? Oh, you must know something.
I know Murphy.
He's trained for this fight and he'll run through these 15 rounds like it was nothing.
Okay, okay, you may have Murphy.
I got Murphy.
You got him, all right, don't worry.
And may the best man win.
SÃ.
(bell rings) Now, come on, kid.
Get your left hand up, Murph.
Just pace yourself.
Move away from him.
You'll murder this guy.
Don't you worry about nothin'.
He can't hurt you now- remember that.
Just keep in there.
Keep your chin under your shoulder.
Throw the right, throw the right.
Can't you hear me? Throw the right.
Now! Well, that's the last one.
Good.
Honestly, I seem to have my hands in hot water all the time- baby's laundry, dishes three times a day.
Nope, not yet.
"Not yet" what? Well, sooner or later I'm bound to develop webbed-foot hands.
(chuckling) Well, what will we do tonight? Are you kidding? The same thing we do every week at this time- sit and watch Ricky and Fred watching the fights on television.
Oh, yeah.
Gee, Ethel, remember when we used to go to the movies on Ricky's nights off? "Movies"? Yeah.
What's that? Oh, you know, it's sort of like television except the screen is bigger and it's just one channel.
Oh yeah.
Hey, do you think we could talk the guys out of watching tonight? Are you kidding? Tonight's the big fight.
Every week's the big fight.
Well, tonight's the big big fight.
Everybody's talking about it.
Oh, who's fighting? I don't know.
It's always the same- Rocky somebody versus Kid something-or-other.
I got to go down to the corner and get some ginger ale.
Well, he sure was in a hurry.
Oh, they only allow him one minute between rounds.
Yeah.
You know, he's got himself trained so he can do anything in less than a minute.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Well, Ethel, what will we do tonight? Play cards? Oh, I'm sick of cards.
Want to make some fudge? Oh, I'm sick of fudge.
Well, we'll just have to sit here and listen to the homey sounds of catcalls and body blows.
Yep.
Say, you know, Fred's going to miss that next round.
Well, he didn't expect to go down to the corner and get back here in time for the (bell rings) Ethel, you know what?! What? I'm revolting.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
I mean, this is a revolution.
I am going to revolt.
I'm tired of playing second fiddle to a television set.
Ricky is my husband and he is going to spend the evening talking to me or else.
Fred, too! Or else what? Or else I am going to find my evening's entertainment elsewhere without him.
Come on.
Okay.
Ricky! Fred! Help! Fire! Murder! That's very flattering.
Do you think they'd notice me if I went around and stood in front of the set? (bell rings) Oh, boy you were saved by the bell that time.
He's only playing possum.
Wait till the next round and Murphy will murder him.
What "next round"? He won't be able to come out for the next round.
FRED: That's only the second round.
Just have your dough ready after the 15th round is over.
I'll have my money ready Fred! Ricky! Oh, hi, honey.
What is it, Ethel? Ethel and I have decided that you have married us and not a television set.
What do you mean? You know what we mean.
We are sick and tired of sitting around for an hour and a half looking at each other while you look at the silly fights.
Oh, now, honey, you know we watch the fights every week at the same time.
Yeah.
Sorry, I'm standing right here.
So am I.
Girls, don't be silly.
You know we watch the fights all the time.
We want to see the fights.
I made a little bet with Rick (bell rings) Get out! Get out! FRED: Get out! Get out! My goodness! Gee, I never heard Fred talk like that.
Wow! You'd think they were fighting that fight themselves.
Well, what do you think we'd better do? Just forget about it? No, they've got to be made to understand how we feel about this from a safe distance, of course.
Now you're talking sense.
I know- we'll leave.
And never come back? No, no, we'll go down to the corner and call up here.
What? I'll disguise my voice and ask for me and then when Ricky goes to get me to come to the phone he'll find out I'm gone.
And then they'll look for you and they'll find out that you're gone.
Then they'll really start to worry about us.
Yeah, let's leave a note and tell them to drag the river for our bodies.
Oh, Ethel, come on.
Okay.
(television blaring) Good night, Ricky.
Good-bye, Fred.
Don't wait up for us.
We may be out quite late.
In fact, we may never come back.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, come on.
Come on, kid.
Kid, go, kid.
Get away from him, Murph, get away! "Get away from him"? He'll have to leave town! Come on, boy, come on.
(shouting excitedly) (television blaring) Will you look at that? Even the policemen.
What a night to rob a bank.
Yeah, go ahead and call the boys.
Yeah.
Have you got a dime? I didn't even bring my purse.
Oh, here's one.
(telephone ringing) Hello? (in different voice): Hello, may I speak to Lucy, please? Just a minute.
Lucy, it's for you! Hey, hello? Hello? (whistles) Hello? Oh (in normal voice): Ethel, you know what happened? Ethel Ethel! Huh? You know what just happened? What? He called me to the phone and went back to watch the fights.
Oh, fine, now they won't even know we're out of the house.
Well, come on, let's go home.
No.
I refuse to go home and be ignored.
How about going to the movies? They won't even miss us.
Well, what's the difference? At least we'll get to go to the movies.
Besides, after the movies are over they'll miss us plenty.
That's right.
I think I'll call Mrs.
Trumbull and ask her to look in on little Ricky.
Even if he cried, you know they wouldn't even know the difference.
No.
Oh I haven't got a dime.
It's a nickel.
I'll have to get change for this.
Uh, pardon me.
Could I have change for this, please? Pardon me, mister, could I have change for this, please? I'd like to make a phone call.
We might as well be at home.
Well, if he's so busy I'll make the change myself.
(register bell rings) Hey, officer.
What is it, Max? (round bell rings) Just caught this dame with her hand in the till.
Aha! Aha, nothing.
I was just trying to make some change.
Oh, sure.
That's right- she tried to get your attention, but you were busy watching television.
It was a lucky thing I dropped in here tonight when I came off duty.
You must be the two babes who are pulling all that stick-up stuff in this neighborhood.
We are not.
How dare you? We're no "stick-up babes.
" We'll see soon enough.
What are you going to do? We're going to take you down to the station house, book you and fingerprint you.
(bell rings) Remember, Max I got ten bucks on Murphy.
Ow Oh look, a knockout! A knockout?! Who Hey! Come back here! You see him? No.
I think we gave him the slip coming up that alley.
(groans) What a mess.
Of all the things to have happen.
For heaven's sake.
(both sigh) Well, what do you think our dear husbands are doing? Care to make any bets? (television blaring) Oh, fine, we almost got arrested and put in jail and they didn't even know we were out of the house.
The only way we'll ever get their attention is to put on trunks and fight each other at the Garden.
Nah, wouldn't matter.
Oh, don't fight it, Lucy.
It's bigger than all four of us.
All we can hope is that the set breaks down.
Hey, that's an idea.
It is? Yeah.
We could go up on the roof find the wire that connects with our television set and You mean go up there and cut the wire? Yeah.
We don't even know which wire it is.
Oh Wouldn't it be easier to fight each other at the Garden? No, come on.
TV ANNOUNCER: He throws a left and a left and another left and still another.
Now he crosses with a right Oh, gee, I forgot there were this many wires up here.
I wonder how we'll ever find out which one is ours.
It's going to be kind of hard to tell which one's which.
Well, guess I'll just have to cut them all.
No! I'm only kidding.
We'll find the right one.
My gosh, a big building like this sure has a lot of wires running around it, doesn't it? I'll say.
Oh, I think it's that one right there.
Which one? That big one right over there.
Oh, no, that's connected to that building across the alley.
No, no, look where it comes from, see? Look, that's it- that big one right there.
No, I don't think so, Lucy.
I think it's this little one.
No, I think it's this big one.
No, I think it's this little one.
I think it's the medium- sized one.
You do? I don't know what (screams) All right, you two, put up your hands.
Now, look, officer I was just going to cut this wire Yeah, I know how you work.
You cut the wire, the whole place goes dark and you clean out the entire building.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Listen, I happen to own this building.
Yes, and I'm J.
Edgar Hoover.
Hold out your hands.
I'm not taking any chances on you two getting away this time.
Now, look, officer, I live in this building and I was just going to cut this wire so that our television set would go off so that our husbands wouldn't be able to watch the fight.
Yeah, it didn't have anything to do with the lights.
No.
Your wrists, please.
Now, look, I'll prove it.
This is the wire I was going to cut, isn't it? Yeah.
And I'm still holding it, right? Right.
Okay.
(electricity crackles) Ew Throw a left, will you, Murph?! Help! We're being arrested! Help! (bell rings) Boy Hey did I just hear Lucy call me? I don't think so.
Lucy, did you call me? Lucy? No.
I guess not.
How about that eighth round, huh? This fight will never go the distance.
Oh, yeah? Do you want to put your money where your mouth is? You're darn right.
Come on, five bucks more? Okay.
(bell rings) Officer, this is utterly ridiculous.
Quiet! I'll do the talking.
Well, Sarge, I finally got hold of the two dames that are doing all that stick-up work on my beat.
Good work.
I'd know those two faces anywhere.
Pickpocket Pearl and Sticky Fingers Sal.
Really? What'd you get them for? Attempted robbery, resisting arrest escaping an officer prowling, possessing a deadly weapon and destruction of private property.
(chuckles) You'll probably get 20 years for this.
And I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't get a promotion.
Oh, thank you, Sarge.
Now, look, officer, I can explain.
You see I'll do the talking, Sticky Fingers.
I'm not Sticky Fingers.
Look, I know who you are.
Why don't you admit it? Why, I've seen your faces on wanted posters a hundred times.
You have not! I have, too.
I never forget a face, do I? Never.
Yeah.
The only difference is you used to be a brunette, didn't you? Dyed your hair.
A lot you know.
My hair is naturally red isn't it, Ethel? Look, Lucy, let's not add perjury to our other charges.
Well, I might have expected something like that from you, Pickpocket Pearl.
Aha! Oh, "aha" yourself.
I can clear this up in a minute.
Will you let me use your phone? Don't touch it! I wouldn't trust it in your hands.
What's your mouthpiece's number? "Mouthpiece"! My husband's number is Murray Hill He'll come down here and straighten you out in a minute.
(whispering) Yeah, it's busy.
Busy?! BOTH: Oh The phone must still be off the hook.
Well, now I'm going to ask you a few questions.
Pardon me, Sarge.
Do you need me anymore? I'm off duty.
What's your hurry? Well, I would like to see the end of that fight.
Oh, sure, go ahead.
Thank you, Sarge.
Wait! (others yell) What's the matter? Where'd everybody go? What are you trying to do- to be funny or something? No, no, I was just thinking.
Officer, if you would go to my apartment- that's 3-B in the building where you arrested us- and tell our husbands that we're here.
Well They're looking at the fight- you can see it there.
Why not? Okay.
Now, do you mind if I book you, Sticky Fingers? I am not Sticky Fingers.
Now, I'll tell you who I am.
Have you ever heard of Ricky Ricardo? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you, Mr.
Ricardo.
I've heard you sing "Babalu" many times.
I am not Mr.
Ricardo, I am his wife.
Have you got any identification to prove it? Identification? Well, I certainly didn't think I'd need my purse up on that roof.
Oh, no identification, huh? Well, now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
We can identify ourselves.
We can? Sure.
Uh uh Well? I'd like you to meet my friend, Ethel Mertz.
How do you do? I'd like for you to meet my friend, Lucy Ricardo.
How do you do? How do you Now, wait a minute! That doesn't prove anything.
Well, it proves who we are.
Now, who are you? Who am I?! Don't you know? I'm Sergeant Nelson.
How do we know that? Because I say so! Well, that isn't enough.
Do you have any identification? My word is my identification! Well, then that's good enough for all three of us! So it's settled: I'm Lucy Ricardo, this is Ethel Mertz and you're Sergeant Nelson.
How do you do? How do you Now, cut that out! Why should we believe you if you don't believe us? I'll show you why.
I've got some posters here with your pictures on it.
You have not.
Oh, yes, I have, Sticky Fingers.
And don't call me Sticky Fingers! That last round was a pip.
Oh, boy, two more rounds.
I don't see how either one of them is still standing up.
What a fight, what a fight.
(doorbell buzzes) TV ANNOUNCER: The blows that have been landed have been hard, fast and there have been literally hundreds of them.
(bell rings) He's down! Three, four five, six Come on, kid.
He's up! Come on, kid, give it to him, kid! Come on! iEn la panza, en la panza! Come on, give it to him.
Stay away from him.
(shouting) I can't find your picture here, but I've got a report on you.
Let's see Yeah, here it is.
"Sticky Fingers Sal and Pickpocket Pearl, "arrested June 9, 1952.
"Sentenced and committed May 12, Now serving ten years at the state prison farm.
" There, how about that? (yelling): "Now serving ten years"?! I've been telling you that you were making a big mistake.
Now, look, my husband is Ricky Ricardo the orchestra leader.
And my husband is Her husband is Ricky Ricardo the orchestra leader.
Well If you want to prove it call that number again.
The policeman should be there by now.
For heaven's sake I never saw such a stubborn man in my life.
He just goes on and on and on (telephone ringing) Give it to him.
(mumbling) Hello? Oh, hello, Sarge.
Well? It's like she said: The two of them are watching television.
Oh, no.
Is one of them Ricky Ricardo? Yeah, that's him all right.
Ew hold on.
- I'm sorry, you can go.
- Oh, we can go? Well, you haven't heard the last of this.
Jenkins, you idiot! Now, wait a minute, Sarge, don't get excited.
I can get out without them ever knowing I've been here.
What? I know it sounds crazy.
I'll explain it to you when I get down there.
I'll be right over.
Come on, come on, come on Oh, what an experience! Oh Oh, dear.
An earthquake wouldn't drag them away from that set.
Say, how much do you think that cop told them? Do you think they'll be mad at us? Listen, if they are, our only chance is to be just as mad right back at them.
This whole thing wouldn't have happened if they hadn't been so wrapped up in their silly fight.
That's right.
Now, remember we're going to be mad at them.
They make me sick.
TV ANNOUNCER: Another left He's down! he's down! One, two, three Get up, Murphy! Four, five Get up! He didn't hit you.
Somebody hit him.
Eight, nine, ten! Give me my money.
I'll pay you but I think I got a short count.
Never mind.
Come on, let's get a sandwich, will you? You're a bum, Murphy! (laughs) Come on Ahh, here they are, Fred- the two most wonderful wives in the whole world.
Huh? What a couple of dolls.
"Dolls"? Certainly, who else has such wonderful wives? You knew that we wanted to watch the fights so you stayed right here in the kitchen and didn't bother us once.
Oh Oh, honey.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
wgbh.
org ANNOUNCER: The Desk Sergeant was played by Frank Nelson, the policeman by Allen Jenkins and the counterman by Larry Dobkin.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
This is the CBS television network.
Here we are once again from the Rainbow Arena bringing you a 15-round bout for the championship.
It's a lovely evening, and we've had a wonderful turnout here at the largest stadium in the East.
We can see many celebrities.
The weather is fine, and a sell-out gate is expected.
Okay, sucker, who do you like, huh? I like Murphy.
He'll murder this other guy.
(chuckles) Oh, my little pigeon.
You like Murphy, eh? Okay, now, let me see he's, uh three-to-one underdog So I'll give you, um even money.
You think you're kidding but I'll take it.
What you do, you find a gold mine or something? Throwing your money away like that? Just put up or shut up, buster.
I'll put up, I'll put up.
How much would you like to bet, Mr.
Rockefeller? Make it easy on yourself.
All right, uh ten dollars? What's the matter, you frightened? Fifteen dollars? How about $20? Oh, you must know something.
I know Murphy.
He's trained for this fight and he'll run through these 15 rounds like it was nothing.
Okay, okay, you may have Murphy.
I got Murphy.
You got him, all right, don't worry.
And may the best man win.
SÃ.
(bell rings) Now, come on, kid.
Get your left hand up, Murph.
Just pace yourself.
Move away from him.
You'll murder this guy.
Don't you worry about nothin'.
He can't hurt you now- remember that.
Just keep in there.
Keep your chin under your shoulder.
Throw the right, throw the right.
Can't you hear me? Throw the right.
Now! Well, that's the last one.
Good.
Honestly, I seem to have my hands in hot water all the time- baby's laundry, dishes three times a day.
Nope, not yet.
"Not yet" what? Well, sooner or later I'm bound to develop webbed-foot hands.
(chuckling) Well, what will we do tonight? Are you kidding? The same thing we do every week at this time- sit and watch Ricky and Fred watching the fights on television.
Oh, yeah.
Gee, Ethel, remember when we used to go to the movies on Ricky's nights off? "Movies"? Yeah.
What's that? Oh, you know, it's sort of like television except the screen is bigger and it's just one channel.
Oh yeah.
Hey, do you think we could talk the guys out of watching tonight? Are you kidding? Tonight's the big fight.
Every week's the big fight.
Well, tonight's the big big fight.
Everybody's talking about it.
Oh, who's fighting? I don't know.
It's always the same- Rocky somebody versus Kid something-or-other.
I got to go down to the corner and get some ginger ale.
Well, he sure was in a hurry.
Oh, they only allow him one minute between rounds.
Yeah.
You know, he's got himself trained so he can do anything in less than a minute.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Well, Ethel, what will we do tonight? Play cards? Oh, I'm sick of cards.
Want to make some fudge? Oh, I'm sick of fudge.
Well, we'll just have to sit here and listen to the homey sounds of catcalls and body blows.
Yep.
Say, you know, Fred's going to miss that next round.
Well, he didn't expect to go down to the corner and get back here in time for the (bell rings) Ethel, you know what?! What? I'm revolting.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
I mean, this is a revolution.
I am going to revolt.
I'm tired of playing second fiddle to a television set.
Ricky is my husband and he is going to spend the evening talking to me or else.
Fred, too! Or else what? Or else I am going to find my evening's entertainment elsewhere without him.
Come on.
Okay.
Ricky! Fred! Help! Fire! Murder! That's very flattering.
Do you think they'd notice me if I went around and stood in front of the set? (bell rings) Oh, boy you were saved by the bell that time.
He's only playing possum.
Wait till the next round and Murphy will murder him.
What "next round"? He won't be able to come out for the next round.
FRED: That's only the second round.
Just have your dough ready after the 15th round is over.
I'll have my money ready Fred! Ricky! Oh, hi, honey.
What is it, Ethel? Ethel and I have decided that you have married us and not a television set.
What do you mean? You know what we mean.
We are sick and tired of sitting around for an hour and a half looking at each other while you look at the silly fights.
Oh, now, honey, you know we watch the fights every week at the same time.
Yeah.
Sorry, I'm standing right here.
So am I.
Girls, don't be silly.
You know we watch the fights all the time.
We want to see the fights.
I made a little bet with Rick (bell rings) Get out! Get out! FRED: Get out! Get out! My goodness! Gee, I never heard Fred talk like that.
Wow! You'd think they were fighting that fight themselves.
Well, what do you think we'd better do? Just forget about it? No, they've got to be made to understand how we feel about this from a safe distance, of course.
Now you're talking sense.
I know- we'll leave.
And never come back? No, no, we'll go down to the corner and call up here.
What? I'll disguise my voice and ask for me and then when Ricky goes to get me to come to the phone he'll find out I'm gone.
And then they'll look for you and they'll find out that you're gone.
Then they'll really start to worry about us.
Yeah, let's leave a note and tell them to drag the river for our bodies.
Oh, Ethel, come on.
Okay.
(television blaring) Good night, Ricky.
Good-bye, Fred.
Don't wait up for us.
We may be out quite late.
In fact, we may never come back.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, come on.
Come on, kid.
Kid, go, kid.
Get away from him, Murph, get away! "Get away from him"? He'll have to leave town! Come on, boy, come on.
(shouting excitedly) (television blaring) Will you look at that? Even the policemen.
What a night to rob a bank.
Yeah, go ahead and call the boys.
Yeah.
Have you got a dime? I didn't even bring my purse.
Oh, here's one.
(telephone ringing) Hello? (in different voice): Hello, may I speak to Lucy, please? Just a minute.
Lucy, it's for you! Hey, hello? Hello? (whistles) Hello? Oh (in normal voice): Ethel, you know what happened? Ethel Ethel! Huh? You know what just happened? What? He called me to the phone and went back to watch the fights.
Oh, fine, now they won't even know we're out of the house.
Well, come on, let's go home.
No.
I refuse to go home and be ignored.
How about going to the movies? They won't even miss us.
Well, what's the difference? At least we'll get to go to the movies.
Besides, after the movies are over they'll miss us plenty.
That's right.
I think I'll call Mrs.
Trumbull and ask her to look in on little Ricky.
Even if he cried, you know they wouldn't even know the difference.
No.
Oh I haven't got a dime.
It's a nickel.
I'll have to get change for this.
Uh, pardon me.
Could I have change for this, please? Pardon me, mister, could I have change for this, please? I'd like to make a phone call.
We might as well be at home.
Well, if he's so busy I'll make the change myself.
(register bell rings) Hey, officer.
What is it, Max? (round bell rings) Just caught this dame with her hand in the till.
Aha! Aha, nothing.
I was just trying to make some change.
Oh, sure.
That's right- she tried to get your attention, but you were busy watching television.
It was a lucky thing I dropped in here tonight when I came off duty.
You must be the two babes who are pulling all that stick-up stuff in this neighborhood.
We are not.
How dare you? We're no "stick-up babes.
" We'll see soon enough.
What are you going to do? We're going to take you down to the station house, book you and fingerprint you.
(bell rings) Remember, Max I got ten bucks on Murphy.
Ow Oh look, a knockout! A knockout?! Who Hey! Come back here! You see him? No.
I think we gave him the slip coming up that alley.
(groans) What a mess.
Of all the things to have happen.
For heaven's sake.
(both sigh) Well, what do you think our dear husbands are doing? Care to make any bets? (television blaring) Oh, fine, we almost got arrested and put in jail and they didn't even know we were out of the house.
The only way we'll ever get their attention is to put on trunks and fight each other at the Garden.
Nah, wouldn't matter.
Oh, don't fight it, Lucy.
It's bigger than all four of us.
All we can hope is that the set breaks down.
Hey, that's an idea.
It is? Yeah.
We could go up on the roof find the wire that connects with our television set and You mean go up there and cut the wire? Yeah.
We don't even know which wire it is.
Oh Wouldn't it be easier to fight each other at the Garden? No, come on.
TV ANNOUNCER: He throws a left and a left and another left and still another.
Now he crosses with a right Oh, gee, I forgot there were this many wires up here.
I wonder how we'll ever find out which one is ours.
It's going to be kind of hard to tell which one's which.
Well, guess I'll just have to cut them all.
No! I'm only kidding.
We'll find the right one.
My gosh, a big building like this sure has a lot of wires running around it, doesn't it? I'll say.
Oh, I think it's that one right there.
Which one? That big one right over there.
Oh, no, that's connected to that building across the alley.
No, no, look where it comes from, see? Look, that's it- that big one right there.
No, I don't think so, Lucy.
I think it's this little one.
No, I think it's this big one.
No, I think it's this little one.
I think it's the medium- sized one.
You do? I don't know what (screams) All right, you two, put up your hands.
Now, look, officer I was just going to cut this wire Yeah, I know how you work.
You cut the wire, the whole place goes dark and you clean out the entire building.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Listen, I happen to own this building.
Yes, and I'm J.
Edgar Hoover.
Hold out your hands.
I'm not taking any chances on you two getting away this time.
Now, look, officer, I live in this building and I was just going to cut this wire so that our television set would go off so that our husbands wouldn't be able to watch the fight.
Yeah, it didn't have anything to do with the lights.
No.
Your wrists, please.
Now, look, I'll prove it.
This is the wire I was going to cut, isn't it? Yeah.
And I'm still holding it, right? Right.
Okay.
(electricity crackles) Ew Throw a left, will you, Murph?! Help! We're being arrested! Help! (bell rings) Boy Hey did I just hear Lucy call me? I don't think so.
Lucy, did you call me? Lucy? No.
I guess not.
How about that eighth round, huh? This fight will never go the distance.
Oh, yeah? Do you want to put your money where your mouth is? You're darn right.
Come on, five bucks more? Okay.
(bell rings) Officer, this is utterly ridiculous.
Quiet! I'll do the talking.
Well, Sarge, I finally got hold of the two dames that are doing all that stick-up work on my beat.
Good work.
I'd know those two faces anywhere.
Pickpocket Pearl and Sticky Fingers Sal.
Really? What'd you get them for? Attempted robbery, resisting arrest escaping an officer prowling, possessing a deadly weapon and destruction of private property.
(chuckles) You'll probably get 20 years for this.
And I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't get a promotion.
Oh, thank you, Sarge.
Now, look, officer, I can explain.
You see I'll do the talking, Sticky Fingers.
I'm not Sticky Fingers.
Look, I know who you are.
Why don't you admit it? Why, I've seen your faces on wanted posters a hundred times.
You have not! I have, too.
I never forget a face, do I? Never.
Yeah.
The only difference is you used to be a brunette, didn't you? Dyed your hair.
A lot you know.
My hair is naturally red isn't it, Ethel? Look, Lucy, let's not add perjury to our other charges.
Well, I might have expected something like that from you, Pickpocket Pearl.
Aha! Oh, "aha" yourself.
I can clear this up in a minute.
Will you let me use your phone? Don't touch it! I wouldn't trust it in your hands.
What's your mouthpiece's number? "Mouthpiece"! My husband's number is Murray Hill He'll come down here and straighten you out in a minute.
(whispering) Yeah, it's busy.
Busy?! BOTH: Oh The phone must still be off the hook.
Well, now I'm going to ask you a few questions.
Pardon me, Sarge.
Do you need me anymore? I'm off duty.
What's your hurry? Well, I would like to see the end of that fight.
Oh, sure, go ahead.
Thank you, Sarge.
Wait! (others yell) What's the matter? Where'd everybody go? What are you trying to do- to be funny or something? No, no, I was just thinking.
Officer, if you would go to my apartment- that's 3-B in the building where you arrested us- and tell our husbands that we're here.
Well They're looking at the fight- you can see it there.
Why not? Okay.
Now, do you mind if I book you, Sticky Fingers? I am not Sticky Fingers.
Now, I'll tell you who I am.
Have you ever heard of Ricky Ricardo? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you, Mr.
Ricardo.
I've heard you sing "Babalu" many times.
I am not Mr.
Ricardo, I am his wife.
Have you got any identification to prove it? Identification? Well, I certainly didn't think I'd need my purse up on that roof.
Oh, no identification, huh? Well, now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
We can identify ourselves.
We can? Sure.
Uh uh Well? I'd like you to meet my friend, Ethel Mertz.
How do you do? I'd like for you to meet my friend, Lucy Ricardo.
How do you do? How do you Now, wait a minute! That doesn't prove anything.
Well, it proves who we are.
Now, who are you? Who am I?! Don't you know? I'm Sergeant Nelson.
How do we know that? Because I say so! Well, that isn't enough.
Do you have any identification? My word is my identification! Well, then that's good enough for all three of us! So it's settled: I'm Lucy Ricardo, this is Ethel Mertz and you're Sergeant Nelson.
How do you do? How do you Now, cut that out! Why should we believe you if you don't believe us? I'll show you why.
I've got some posters here with your pictures on it.
You have not.
Oh, yes, I have, Sticky Fingers.
And don't call me Sticky Fingers! That last round was a pip.
Oh, boy, two more rounds.
I don't see how either one of them is still standing up.
What a fight, what a fight.
(doorbell buzzes) TV ANNOUNCER: The blows that have been landed have been hard, fast and there have been literally hundreds of them.
(bell rings) He's down! Three, four five, six Come on, kid.
He's up! Come on, kid, give it to him, kid! Come on! iEn la panza, en la panza! Come on, give it to him.
Stay away from him.
(shouting) I can't find your picture here, but I've got a report on you.
Let's see Yeah, here it is.
"Sticky Fingers Sal and Pickpocket Pearl, "arrested June 9, 1952.
"Sentenced and committed May 12, Now serving ten years at the state prison farm.
" There, how about that? (yelling): "Now serving ten years"?! I've been telling you that you were making a big mistake.
Now, look, my husband is Ricky Ricardo the orchestra leader.
And my husband is Her husband is Ricky Ricardo the orchestra leader.
Well If you want to prove it call that number again.
The policeman should be there by now.
For heaven's sake I never saw such a stubborn man in my life.
He just goes on and on and on (telephone ringing) Give it to him.
(mumbling) Hello? Oh, hello, Sarge.
Well? It's like she said: The two of them are watching television.
Oh, no.
Is one of them Ricky Ricardo? Yeah, that's him all right.
Ew hold on.
- I'm sorry, you can go.
- Oh, we can go? Well, you haven't heard the last of this.
Jenkins, you idiot! Now, wait a minute, Sarge, don't get excited.
I can get out without them ever knowing I've been here.
What? I know it sounds crazy.
I'll explain it to you when I get down there.
I'll be right over.
Come on, come on, come on Oh, what an experience! Oh Oh, dear.
An earthquake wouldn't drag them away from that set.
Say, how much do you think that cop told them? Do you think they'll be mad at us? Listen, if they are, our only chance is to be just as mad right back at them.
This whole thing wouldn't have happened if they hadn't been so wrapped up in their silly fight.
That's right.
Now, remember we're going to be mad at them.
They make me sick.
TV ANNOUNCER: Another left He's down! he's down! One, two, three Get up, Murphy! Four, five Get up! He didn't hit you.
Somebody hit him.
Eight, nine, ten! Give me my money.
I'll pay you but I think I got a short count.
Never mind.
Come on, let's get a sandwich, will you? You're a bum, Murphy! (laughs) Come on Ahh, here they are, Fred- the two most wonderful wives in the whole world.
Huh? What a couple of dolls.
"Dolls"? Certainly, who else has such wonderful wives? You knew that we wanted to watch the fights so you stayed right here in the kitchen and didn't bother us once.
Oh Oh, honey.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
wgbh.
org ANNOUNCER: The Desk Sergeant was played by Frank Nelson, the policeman by Allen Jenkins and the counterman by Larry Dobkin.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
This is the CBS television network.