The Proud Family (2001) s02e31 Episode Script

Hey, let’s race to the buoy.
Last one there is a rotten egg.
Or has to give me a kiss.
Here, Sticky.
(shrieks)
Hey! I just got my hair done!
(gasps)
Zoey! I got my swim on!
Got my swim on! Ya-ya!
Come on, Sticky!
You’re last! You gotta kiss me!
Hey. Where he at?
(electric buzzing)
(shrieks)
(sputtering)
Help!
Hang on, Sticky!
I’m coming!
Oh! Dijonay!
He loves me
but he’s just shy.
(bird squawking)
Zoey, look.
What is that?
It looks like a duck.
He doesn’t swim like a duck.
I think he’s drowning.
Penny! Penny!
There she is!
Whoa. What are we gonna do?
Well, somebody has to give him CPR.
Why don’t you do it, Dijonay?
You’ve been trying to get
your lips on something all day.
I want to kiss my man Sticky,
not something icky.
Forget it, I’ll do it myself.
Here goes nothing.
(coughing)
Hey, yo, look, he’s breathing.
-Way to go.
-You did it.
You go, girl.
Aw.
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
Around you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
-They’ll make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Yeowch!
Is he OK, Mama?
(squawking)
I think so, Penny.
He doesn’t seem to have any broken bones
and his lungs are clear.
Then why can’t he swim or fly?
He was probably an Easter duck.
-A what?
-An Easter duck.
Every year, parents give chicks,
ducklings,
and bunnies to their kids,
not realizing the effect
it will have on the animal,
and judging by this name tag
That’s just what
happened to Chester.
Oh. Poor little thing.
Probably doesn’t even know
he can fly or swim.
Probably doesn’t even
know he’s a duck.
Then what’s going
to happen to him now?
He can’t survive out
in the wild with no duck skills.
You’re right. I’ll have to call
Animal Control and they’ll take him.
Take him where?
What will they do with him?
I’m not sure, baby,
but they’ll find him a nice home.
Well, what if they don’t, Mama?
They’ll kill him, won’t they?
(squawks)
I’m sorry, Penny,
but that’s just the way it is.
-Can I keep him?
-Oh, Penny.
Come on, Mama,
let me take him home.
Just till he’s better.
Look at that face.
You can’t put him out.
Today is cobbler day ♪
Love me some cobbler ♪
Today is cobbler day, y’all ♪
So let me see
what we have here.
OK, I’m being audited.
I’m being summonsed for jury duty.
Oh, look at this!
My car insurance
has been canceled.
Ha-ha. When it rains, it pours
but you know what?
When it’s cobbler day,
it only rains sweetness.
I love cobbler ♪
(Trudy)
Hello, Oscar.
Now, don’t get upset,
but the twins
accidentally broke your TV.
Upset? I would never be upset,
my dear wife,
and you want to know why?
’Cause I got some cobbler
Sweet and juicy cobbler ♪
Peaches, peaches, sweet,
sweet, coming my ♪
-What the
-(squawking loudly)
Trudy!
What now, Oscar?
Why is this duck
eating my cobbler?
Daddy, you’re scaring him.
He should be scared
because I’m about to eat
some cobbler-stuffed duck
for dinner.
Now, don’t be silly, Oscar.
I’m not being silly.
That duck ate my cobbler,
and I’m eating the duck.
It’s the circle of life.
(laughs) Boy, what do you know
about the circle of life?
I know you’ve taken a few laps.
(laughing)
I know if you keep talking,
you gonna take a few slaps.
Ha-ha that.
(Trudy)
Oscar, relax.
Chester is only going
to be here a few days.
Just until he gets
back on his feet.
(Oscar) Until he gets
back on his feet?
He’s a duck.
He’s always on his feet.
I’m telling you, there’s
something wrong with a duck
that eats a man’s cobbler!
I don’t have a good feeling about him.
Trudy, he’s evil. It’s a evil duck.
-(Trudy) Oh, Oscar.
-I’m serious, Trudy.
If there’s anything I know,
I know evil.
Evil gave birth to me.
Ow! See what I mean?
I’m telling you, Trudy.
There’s something about him
that’s not right.
He looks like
a psycho duck to me.
(quacking)
Oh, no! Your crazy duck
is attacking the twins!
(babies gurgling)
See? Now, don’t you just feel awful?
Chester is sweet
and the twins just love him.
-Well, I hate him.
-Oh, stop being Mr. Grouch.
He’s only going to
be here a few days.
Just enough to get him
strong and happy again.
Oh, I get it. We fatten him
up, then we eat him.
I like the way you think, Trudy.
Just don’t wait too long. I want to eat
him when that cobbler is still in him.
I’ll be back. I’m going
to get me some ice cream
Trudy, we have no one
to blame but ourselves.
I hatched him,
you married him.
Well, that duck may
have eaten my cobbler,
but I’ve still got that steak sandwich
I’ve been saving.
Now, let me see.
Bread, eggs.
Mama’s teeth.
No sandwich. Huh?
No sandwich?!
Where’s my sandwich?!
What the
You better give me
that sandwich, duck!
(quacking)
Trudy! Trudy!
(yelling)
Trudy, Trudy. Wake up.
Chester attacked me.
-Oscar. Please.
-Trudy. Come on, now.
I’m trying
to get some sleep here.
Trudy, this is serious. I was
in the kitchen getting a snack
and he attacked me.
He was like a mad duck!
-I swear!
-Oscar
I’m going to attack you
if you don’t let me
go back to sleep.
You probably
just had a bad dream.
It wasn’t a bad dream, Trudy.
It was like a
Nightmare on Duck Street.
I can prove it. Come with me.
Check Penny’s room.
I bet you he’s not there.
(moaning)
(peaceful snoring)
I swear he was downstairs.
Let’s check his beak
for crumbs.
Shh. Oscar, this is enough.
I’m going back to bed.
(snickering)
Mama, can you
pass the pancakes?
Why is this duck at the table?
And what is it of mine
he’s eating this time?
I’m tired of this duck eating my food.
-Oscar.
-No, Trudy.
I don’t want to hear it.
This time, ugly duckling
is going to watch me eat.
Daddy, that’s not for you!
Mmm. This is good, Trudy.
Soft, not mushy.
Tart, not pungent.
We should have pasta
for breakfast more often.
Oscar, that wasn’t pasta.
Well, what was it?
’Cause I’ll have seconds.
They were live worms,
Fear Factor.
Worms!
Well, they weren’t so bad.
They went down real easy and
And they’re coming up
the same way.
What you talking about, Suga Mama?
Ew! Daddy, the worms
are coming out of your nose!
(quacking, struggling)
Trudy!
Did you see that, Trudy?
He attacked me!
He ate the worms, Oscar.
He probably saved your life.
When has a live worm
ever hurt a man?
(choking)
Worm. Worm. Worm.
OK, the duck can stay.
One more day.
That boy doesn’t put a high
price on his life, does he?
Hey, guys, wait up!
(all greeting)
Mmm, I see Chester is
your new best friend.
(quacking)
Chester, what
are you doing here?
No, Chester, you cannot
go to school with me. Now, go home.
(quacking)
Uh, yo, Penny.
I don’t think it heard you.
Who cares? As long as
y’all have your lunch money.
You know the drill.
Hands up, cash out.
(whining)
You, too, long-neck.
I already gave you my money.
Not you. I’m talking
to the quacker here.
-But I’m
-Shut up. Cough it up, Chuck.
His name is Chester, Nubia,
and he’s a duck.
Duck, Chuck, I don’t care.
He better pass the buck.
Oh, I like those
tight orange shoes, too.
Give ’em up, G.
Leave him alone, Nubia.
Oh, you bad now?
You must have forgot
who we are, Proud.
Let me reintroduce myself.
(growling)
Back up, Chuck.
It’s between me and Proud.
You need to take them shoes off
and walk away.
(furious quacking)
(groans) Oh, you shouldn’t have
done that, birdbrain.
Get him, Olei!
Come on, y’all,
let’s get out of here!
But don’t think it’s over.
And, Chuck, you got
to graduate one day.
Too bad you won’t.
(kids jeering)
Hey, Penny, looks like
you got yourself
a guard duck. Hey.
-(grumbling)
-(kids shrieking)
No. Chester, stop.
Penny, your duck is tripping.
I’m out of here.
(laughing)
Yo, Penny, why don’t you let me
borrow your duck for a few days?
(quacking furiously)
Help! Dijonay, wait for me!
Chester, that wasn’t very nice.
They’re my friends.
That’s a hostile duck, dude.
What’s wrong?
Where are y’all going?
Sorry, Penny, but
your duck’s got issues.
Yeah, he must be having
a bad-feather day.
-(laughing)
-(shrieking)
Come on, guys. Don’t go!
Look what you did.
You ran off all my friends.
I love you, too, Chester
but they’re not going
to let you in school.
Now go on. Go on.
Aw.
Hey, Mama, I’m home.
-Shh!
-What’s going on, Mama?
Chester’s watching TV
and he gets a little irritated
if people talk
during his favorite programs.
-(loud quack)
-What did you do to him, Penny?
He came back here
all half out of his mind.
I didn’t do anything.
I just told him to go home.
Well, why did you do that?
He came back here
and took it out on poor Puff.
There was feathers
and fur all over the place.
Mostly fur.
(whimpering)
(laughing)
And the only thing
that seems to calm him down
was the cartoons on the TV
and these worms.
This is the fifth plate
I’ve dug up for him today.
Give me that, Mama.
I’ll talk to him.
Be careful, Penny.
Don’t worry. He likes me.
Hi, Chester.
(squawks)
I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to school
with me today, Chester.
(quacking)
I brought you a little snack,
your favorite.
(Oscar)
Trudy!
All right, Felix, take notes.
At my house, I decide
who watches what on my TV.
You know why?
’Cause it’s my house.
OK, everybody get away from the TV.
-The men have sports to watch.
-(Trudy) Oscar, shh!
Are you shushing me
in my own house, Trudy?
Yes. Because we don’t
want to upset Chester.
Chester the duck?
You see, that’s the difference
between me and Oscar.
In my house, we eat duck.
In my house we drink duck.
Trudy, you must think I’m daffy
if you think I’m going to let a duck
take over my house.
Now step aside.
Oscar, as much as I’d love
to watch Chester pluck you,
I don’t think
you want to do that, son.
Out of my way, Mama.
Listen here, psycho duck.
This time you’ve gone too far.
First, you eat my cobbler,
then my steak sandwich,
and now you’re watching my TV.
Duck, you are swimming
in the wrong pond.
(roars)
OK, family, everybody
out of the house.
(all yelling)
Ow!
(grunting)
That’s it! This time I mean it!
That duck has got to go!
Daddy, no!
You see how Chester is with me.
He’s really sweet.
He doesn’t feel well.
He’s been under
a lot of pressure.
-Well he’s about to be pressure cooked.
-Penny’s right.
He’s still recuperating.
He needs time.
I’ll give him time,
about 20 minutes per pound.
Daddy!
Penny, why don’t
you go back inside
and see about poor Chester?
I’ll handle your father.
What do you mean, "you’ll handle me"?
Nobody handles me.
Chester did.
Quiet, Oscar!
I just said all that to get rid of Penny.
She can’t be trusted.
We’ve got to get rid
of that duck and quick.
Good idea, Trudy.
About time somebody
show some leadership.
What?! I wanted to get rid of that duck
a steak sandwich
and a cobbler ago, but no
(mocking) "The duck’s too cute,
the twins like him.
he ate a worm out of your nose
and saved your life."
That’s a bunch of quack!
Trudy, I say we get rid
of Chester and Uncle Fester.
(speaking Spanish) I say we get rid of
Chester and Aunt Esther.
(laughs)
Well, anybody got any ideas?
Yeah, an oven set
at 350 degrees.
And some plum sauce, y’all ♪
We could have Peking Duck ♪
Or duck à l’orange ♪
Baked duck, fried duck ♪
Or my favorite, dead duck.
Come on, guys. I’m serious.
We need a plan.
OK, I got one, Trudy.
I was saving it for Suga Mama,
but this is an emergency.
Tomorrow, we’re going to a family picnic
but one of us
the feathered worm-eater
won’t be coming back.
Come on, Chester,
you can stay in my room.
I’ve got TV and everything.
Now you wait here
and I’ll go get you something to eat.
(muffled voices)
(growls)
Daddy, when are we going
to get to the park?
We’re almost to Canada.
Oh, I think we’re
about there, baby girl.
Bathroom break.
(tires screeching)
No, Chester,
you can’t go inside.
Be a good duck
and I’ll be right back.
Get the duck, oh, oh! ♪
Mama, Daddy!
Chester is gone!
OK, picnic’s over.
Let’s go home.
Daddy, don’t you care
that Chester is gone?
Yeah, baby girl,
that’s why we’re going home.
You know, to mourn. Now get in.
We’re gonna miss the game.
(engine starts)
(tires screech)
Oh, Canada, child ♪
Our home and native land-a ♪
True patriot love, oh ♪
(laughing)
OK, Chester, the duck stops here.
What the
-(quacks)
-Duck!
(quacks)
(yelling)
(quacks)
Ow. Ow! Ooh! Ow!
(birds chirping)
Ow. Ow.
Ow.
(quacking)
(mumbling and yelling)
Ow! Ow!
(growls)
Ha-ha.
-(quacks)
-(laughs)
(yelling)
He thinks he can catch us?
We finally got away from that
Truck!
-(horn honking)
-(screaming)
(babies cooing)
Psycho duck is gone, hey! ♪
(singing in Spanish)
Psycho duck is gone, hey! ♪
All right, Oscar, my man,
you owe us big time.
We got rid of that psycho duck
for you.
At least he doesn’t have
to fly north for the winter.
He’s already there.
I hope he packed
some thermal underwear ♪
Talking drawers, y’all ♪
(laughing)
(growling)
(yelling)
(quacking)
I’m home. Turn on the TV,
Trudy, the game is on.
But Oscar,
Chester is already watching TV.
(Oscar) Oh, sorry,
Chester, old buddy.
I thought you might
want to watch the game, too.
I mean,
it’s a really good game.
-The Oregon Ducks are playing.
-(growls)
Thank you, Chester.
You are so kind.
-(yells)
-(quacks)
I’m sorry, Chester.
I thought you said it was OK.
I didn’t mean to upset you.
(Penny) Hey, Chester,
you want to go to the park with me?
I’ll read your favorite story,
"The Ugly Duckling."
(quacks)
Don’t stay out too late.
Back off!
Stay out of as long
as you want, baby.
(both sigh)
(growls)
"Then he rustled his feather,
curved his slender neck
and cried joyfully
from the depths of his heart.
I never dreamed of
such happiness as this
while I was an ugly duckling."
(quacks)
Chester, that’s the 15th time
I read "The Ugly Duckling" to you.
(quacks angrily)
OK, Chester, OK,
but this is the last time.
"It was lovely summer
weather in the country."
Hey, look at that, Chester.
Ow.
-(panting)
-Ow!
Duck, animal ow ♪
Chester!
Sorry, duck
you’re out of luck ♪
Since you can’t swim ♪
I guess you’re stuck. Ow ♪
(angry quacking)
Ow! I forgot
I can’t swim, either! ♪
Oh, no ♪
Hold on, Bobby.
I’m coming.
Well, guys, I promise
I’ll never bring home
another stray animal.
Well, I hope so, young lady.
One stray duck was enough.
Ooh, look, Mama,
a little bunny rabbit!
Mama, Daddy, can I keep it,
please? It’s so cute.
Absolutely not!
Oh, Oscar, it is just
a harmless little bunny rabbit.
Why not?
(deep voice) Yeah, why not?
I’m just a harmless
little bunny wabbit.
(laughs)
Mom, Dad, you guys
have got to see this.
Hey, that’s Chester. What is he doing
on the front of the newspaper?
Says here he belongs to
some billionaire Internet guy.
And guess what, Daddy?
There was a reward.
From a billionaire? They’re
the cheapest people on Earth.
What’s he offering, five dollars?
Uh, no, Daddy.
It was a million dollars.
A million dollars!
Come on, Penny,
grab your swan suit.
We’re going
million-dollar-duck hunting.
It’s too late, Daddy, someone
already collected the reward.
-Who?
-Turn to page six, Daddy.
Wizard Kelly?
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I’m going to step outside and cry.
(crying)
Why do you hate me so much?
Why? Why?
Psycho, Psycho ♪
Psycho Psy-cho ♪
He’s Psycho, Psycho Duck ♪
He’ll take your stuff
that Psycho Duck ♪
Psycho, Psycho ♪
He’ll take your stuff
that Psycho Duck ♪