Clarence US (2014) s02e32 Episode Script
Cloris
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
[Giggles.]
Whoa.
Wow, Jeff.
You're really excited about seeing your grandma, huh? Of course I am.
She's pretty much the nicest, - most organized person I know.
- Ugh.
Pfbt.
Old people candy tastes gross.
I just grab one more.
[Indistinct talking.]
You promise you'll keep your cool this time? She's my mom.
I know how to deal with her.
[Slurps.]
[Smooching.]
[Ding.]
Ooh.
[Piano flourish.]
[Gasps.]
Piano.
[Giggles.]
[Humming.]
[Cat yowls.]
Aaah! Oh.
Aww.
Is this your piano? What's your name, kitty cat? [Cat yowls.]
Her name's Sassy.
- And yours must be Get Lost.
- [Giggles.]
No.
It's Clarence.
What's your name? The name's Shake A Leg, and you better be learning it quick.
You kind of talk funny.
Are you from Europe? - No.
- Can I touch your cat? - No.
- Can I play your piano? Let me think about it.
No.
[Giggles.]
Wow.
You have a lot of rules.
Like, at my school, the only person who's allowed to touch the piano is the music teacher 'cause me and my friend Sumo [Belches quietly.]
we were musical chairs, but we sat on the keys with our butts.
Can I play your piano? Well, if you're not gonna leave, I will.
Cloris.
Like Clarence! No! It's old name for an old woman.
Now scram! I'm trying to finish my work! You're knitting a sweater? That's like the most grandma thing ever.
No, you bird brain.
I'm cold! These cheapskates never turn on the heat! - But do you like candy? - Mm.
[Singing.]
- Hi, Grandma.
- Ooh! Jeffrey! [Panting.]
Oh, it's just so good to see you.
- Hi, Rose.
- Oh, Sue.
You smell so nice this time.
Thank you for that.
Elanor Josephine.
You wore boots.
You know boots scuff the linoleum.
I like wearing boots, Mom.
Together: Rules exist for a reason.
That's because we need 'em.
[Both laugh.]
- Let's put those in some water.
- Deep breathing.
[Inhales sharply.]
[Sighs.]
- We only want the nice ones.
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.
- Give me some space, kid.
[Giggles.]
Your old-lady mouth has to work so hard to chew that candy.
I haven't had candy in ages.
Only thing they feed you around here is garbage.
- Is this your yearbook? - Is that's a scrapbook, son.
These old bones have seen 100 many days gone by.
I signed it! I was sick when everyone was signing yearbooks.
I was gonna draw a bear and sign it "Bearance.
" See? [Sighs.]
Is this you at Bendle Park? Yeah, that's me and [Chuckles.]
Rosie.
It was a different time.
Life was rich, and it was an adventure.
I'd bury my treasure, and she'd come 'round and snoop.
- Ah, but that's all history.
- Clarence! There you are! And I totally noticed you were gone.
Cloris.
- Rosie.
- Cloris.
Rosie.
- Cloris.
- Hmm? Hmm? Bye, Cloris! Jeff, dear, your friend has an unfortunate amount of space between his teeth.
- Mom.
- Oh, that's all right.
My mom says that I'll grow into them in time.
That's nice of your mom to say that.
Tell Granny more about your alphabetized leaf collection.
Well, I started with an "F" for "Fig" leaf, [Groans.]
then "G" for "Grape" leaf - Mnh-mnh.
- I want my rotisserie chicken! No, Cloris.
Why, you know that's too much salt for you.
- Yes, it's always - Oh, I know.
[Indistinct conversations.]
- Hi, Cloris! - Aaaah! So [Screaming continues.]
So I was thinking [Panting.]
You You trying to kill me, boy? So, I was eating with Jeff and his grandma, but they're being so boring That old salad tong is always boring.
Everything here is boring.
Especially lunch! [Gasps.]
Ooh.
It looks like you slipped.
- See? - Whaaaa! At my school, lunch is like the best part of the day.
This place is a lot like my school.
Chicken nuggets, and you got yearbooks, nap time.
And the teachers are all like my mom's age.
Everyone here treats you like a child! I'll show you how to make lunch fun.
Don't touch me, heathen.
- Come on! - No! - Come on! - No.
- Don't touch me.
- I'm gonna do it.
[Chuckles.]
No! No! - I got you.
- No! - What - Elanor Josephine, a Nosey Nancy makes a no-good house wife.
How come you want to alone so bad? 'Cause I don't want to be here.
Just waiting to you know.
[Bell tolls.]
Bathroom? [Grumbles.]
Anyways, want to pretend like it's recess? Recess never came for old bones like me.
I'm hearing what you're saying, but I think we're about to have a little recess right now.
Follow my lead.
- [Gasps.]
Huh? - Hot dog! A food fight! [Laughs.]
[Grunting, shouting.]
They've got us surrounded! They're everywhere! They're in the trees! Watch your six! We got to get you somewhere safe! Let go! You're the one who started all this ruckus! We can to the park and then have a real recess.
[Music.]
Ahh.
[Bees buzzing.]
[Groans.]
[Laughs.]
Use your pool scepters and stir that water.
Mmm, like a giant cosmic stew.
- You, me - Elanor Josephine, you stir that water with a little more gusto.
[Growls.]
Now raise those arms high! We call this the war cry stance.
Higher, dear.
Higher! - Get those arms higher! - Ohhh! Enough, Mom! Can you stop controlling everyone for just a second.
People get to chose their own way of life, and that's what makes them happy.
Jeff: Are you two done? - Huh? - Huh? Grandma Day is my favorite holiday of the month, but you two are ruining it! Grandma Rose, you need to respect that mom isn't like us.
She's messy, inconsistent, but that's just who she is.
And Mom, Grandma Rose might be overbearing, but she's choosing her own path, too.
I love you both, but if you don't let me finish my artistic stretching class, I'm really gonna I'm gonna just blow my stack! Oh, Jeffrey.
I'm sorry, dear.
Sorry, Jeff.
Sorry, Mom.
[Sighs.]
That was beautiful.
What a beautiful stew.
Do any of you know where Clarence went? Malessica told Courtlin that Kimby liked Sumo, and Oh, and Belson Oh, you'd like Belson a lot.
I doubt it.
Hmm.
Let's go back.
I got to feed Sassy.
Uhhh.
Okay, well, I guess it's No wait.
This way? You're lost, dummy? Ugh.
Just follow me.
Uh, I can keep pushing you! - I'm fine.
- You sure you don't need help? Listen.
I've taken care of myself all this time.
So maybe you should mind your own business from now on, sonny.
This isn't recess, and I'm not a kid.
[Sighs.]
I guess I'll leave you alone.
Uh, kid, it's just that I've been on my own - for so long, and, uh - Cloris! Cloris! Cloris! [Gasps.]
Oh, no! [Panting.]
Cloris, are you okay? Yeah.
I guess you can push me home.
Cloris! Look! By Jove.
Oh, I never thought I'd see this place again.
When I was young, I I buried some treasure under that tree over there.
What? Treasure?! [Grunts.]
Treasure! Treasure, treasure, - treasure, treasure! - I had to bury it underground.
So that darn Rosie wouldn't find it.
I found something! We're rich! Bring it here.
[Coughs.]
Whoa.
What is that? - Just paper? - My greatest work.
"Rosie is a Slugburger?" [Chuckling.]
She really was such a slugburger.
[Laughs.]
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
"Slugburger.
" [Coins jingle.]
Hey, you jerk! We're not homeless! No one wants your dirty money, you chicken-legged scamp! [Chuckles.]
You love chicken legs! [Laughs.]
Go suck on a egg if you want.
Yeah! Go to the Go live on the moon! [Chuckles.]
[Laughs.]
Good one.
Hey, I think there's enough for a rotisserie chicken in here.
[Laughs.]
Oh, well, thank Hi.
Well [Exhales sharply.]
There you two are.
Oh, Rosie She is a slugburger She eats worms for dinner [Chuckles.]
- # She's a slugburger-ger # - That's gross.
Oh, hey.
It's Clarence.
There he is.
Oh, Rosie, she is a simple rube [Chuckles.]
Oh, Cloris! I thought I told her never to play that darn tune again.
- # She's a slugburger # - Hey, stop that song.
Stop that! I'm not a slugburger! - # She says she'll always be your friend # - Jeffrey! You get your friend out of there! - # Through the thick and through the thin # - [Chuckles.]
This is a funny song.
But when push comes to shove She'll snitch and wear a grin - That's not nice.
- # Oh, Rosie # She is a slugburger - # She eats worms for dinner # - Oh, yuck.
She's a slugburger [Meows.]
[Chuckles.]
And that's the truth.
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
[Giggles.]
Whoa.
Wow, Jeff.
You're really excited about seeing your grandma, huh? Of course I am.
She's pretty much the nicest, - most organized person I know.
- Ugh.
Pfbt.
Old people candy tastes gross.
I just grab one more.
[Indistinct talking.]
You promise you'll keep your cool this time? She's my mom.
I know how to deal with her.
[Slurps.]
[Smooching.]
[Ding.]
Ooh.
[Piano flourish.]
[Gasps.]
Piano.
[Giggles.]
[Humming.]
[Cat yowls.]
Aaah! Oh.
Aww.
Is this your piano? What's your name, kitty cat? [Cat yowls.]
Her name's Sassy.
- And yours must be Get Lost.
- [Giggles.]
No.
It's Clarence.
What's your name? The name's Shake A Leg, and you better be learning it quick.
You kind of talk funny.
Are you from Europe? - No.
- Can I touch your cat? - No.
- Can I play your piano? Let me think about it.
No.
[Giggles.]
Wow.
You have a lot of rules.
Like, at my school, the only person who's allowed to touch the piano is the music teacher 'cause me and my friend Sumo [Belches quietly.]
we were musical chairs, but we sat on the keys with our butts.
Can I play your piano? Well, if you're not gonna leave, I will.
Cloris.
Like Clarence! No! It's old name for an old woman.
Now scram! I'm trying to finish my work! You're knitting a sweater? That's like the most grandma thing ever.
No, you bird brain.
I'm cold! These cheapskates never turn on the heat! - But do you like candy? - Mm.
[Singing.]
- Hi, Grandma.
- Ooh! Jeffrey! [Panting.]
Oh, it's just so good to see you.
- Hi, Rose.
- Oh, Sue.
You smell so nice this time.
Thank you for that.
Elanor Josephine.
You wore boots.
You know boots scuff the linoleum.
I like wearing boots, Mom.
Together: Rules exist for a reason.
That's because we need 'em.
[Both laugh.]
- Let's put those in some water.
- Deep breathing.
[Inhales sharply.]
[Sighs.]
- We only want the nice ones.
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.
- Give me some space, kid.
[Giggles.]
Your old-lady mouth has to work so hard to chew that candy.
I haven't had candy in ages.
Only thing they feed you around here is garbage.
- Is this your yearbook? - Is that's a scrapbook, son.
These old bones have seen 100 many days gone by.
I signed it! I was sick when everyone was signing yearbooks.
I was gonna draw a bear and sign it "Bearance.
" See? [Sighs.]
Is this you at Bendle Park? Yeah, that's me and [Chuckles.]
Rosie.
It was a different time.
Life was rich, and it was an adventure.
I'd bury my treasure, and she'd come 'round and snoop.
- Ah, but that's all history.
- Clarence! There you are! And I totally noticed you were gone.
Cloris.
- Rosie.
- Cloris.
Rosie.
- Cloris.
- Hmm? Hmm? Bye, Cloris! Jeff, dear, your friend has an unfortunate amount of space between his teeth.
- Mom.
- Oh, that's all right.
My mom says that I'll grow into them in time.
That's nice of your mom to say that.
Tell Granny more about your alphabetized leaf collection.
Well, I started with an "F" for "Fig" leaf, [Groans.]
then "G" for "Grape" leaf - Mnh-mnh.
- I want my rotisserie chicken! No, Cloris.
Why, you know that's too much salt for you.
- Yes, it's always - Oh, I know.
[Indistinct conversations.]
- Hi, Cloris! - Aaaah! So [Screaming continues.]
So I was thinking [Panting.]
You You trying to kill me, boy? So, I was eating with Jeff and his grandma, but they're being so boring That old salad tong is always boring.
Everything here is boring.
Especially lunch! [Gasps.]
Ooh.
It looks like you slipped.
- See? - Whaaaa! At my school, lunch is like the best part of the day.
This place is a lot like my school.
Chicken nuggets, and you got yearbooks, nap time.
And the teachers are all like my mom's age.
Everyone here treats you like a child! I'll show you how to make lunch fun.
Don't touch me, heathen.
- Come on! - No! - Come on! - No.
- Don't touch me.
- I'm gonna do it.
[Chuckles.]
No! No! - I got you.
- No! - What - Elanor Josephine, a Nosey Nancy makes a no-good house wife.
How come you want to alone so bad? 'Cause I don't want to be here.
Just waiting to you know.
[Bell tolls.]
Bathroom? [Grumbles.]
Anyways, want to pretend like it's recess? Recess never came for old bones like me.
I'm hearing what you're saying, but I think we're about to have a little recess right now.
Follow my lead.
- [Gasps.]
Huh? - Hot dog! A food fight! [Laughs.]
[Grunting, shouting.]
They've got us surrounded! They're everywhere! They're in the trees! Watch your six! We got to get you somewhere safe! Let go! You're the one who started all this ruckus! We can to the park and then have a real recess.
[Music.]
Ahh.
[Bees buzzing.]
[Groans.]
[Laughs.]
Use your pool scepters and stir that water.
Mmm, like a giant cosmic stew.
- You, me - Elanor Josephine, you stir that water with a little more gusto.
[Growls.]
Now raise those arms high! We call this the war cry stance.
Higher, dear.
Higher! - Get those arms higher! - Ohhh! Enough, Mom! Can you stop controlling everyone for just a second.
People get to chose their own way of life, and that's what makes them happy.
Jeff: Are you two done? - Huh? - Huh? Grandma Day is my favorite holiday of the month, but you two are ruining it! Grandma Rose, you need to respect that mom isn't like us.
She's messy, inconsistent, but that's just who she is.
And Mom, Grandma Rose might be overbearing, but she's choosing her own path, too.
I love you both, but if you don't let me finish my artistic stretching class, I'm really gonna I'm gonna just blow my stack! Oh, Jeffrey.
I'm sorry, dear.
Sorry, Jeff.
Sorry, Mom.
[Sighs.]
That was beautiful.
What a beautiful stew.
Do any of you know where Clarence went? Malessica told Courtlin that Kimby liked Sumo, and Oh, and Belson Oh, you'd like Belson a lot.
I doubt it.
Hmm.
Let's go back.
I got to feed Sassy.
Uhhh.
Okay, well, I guess it's No wait.
This way? You're lost, dummy? Ugh.
Just follow me.
Uh, I can keep pushing you! - I'm fine.
- You sure you don't need help? Listen.
I've taken care of myself all this time.
So maybe you should mind your own business from now on, sonny.
This isn't recess, and I'm not a kid.
[Sighs.]
I guess I'll leave you alone.
Uh, kid, it's just that I've been on my own - for so long, and, uh - Cloris! Cloris! Cloris! [Gasps.]
Oh, no! [Panting.]
Cloris, are you okay? Yeah.
I guess you can push me home.
Cloris! Look! By Jove.
Oh, I never thought I'd see this place again.
When I was young, I I buried some treasure under that tree over there.
What? Treasure?! [Grunts.]
Treasure! Treasure, treasure, - treasure, treasure! - I had to bury it underground.
So that darn Rosie wouldn't find it.
I found something! We're rich! Bring it here.
[Coughs.]
Whoa.
What is that? - Just paper? - My greatest work.
"Rosie is a Slugburger?" [Chuckling.]
She really was such a slugburger.
[Laughs.]
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
"Slugburger.
" [Coins jingle.]
Hey, you jerk! We're not homeless! No one wants your dirty money, you chicken-legged scamp! [Chuckles.]
You love chicken legs! [Laughs.]
Go suck on a egg if you want.
Yeah! Go to the Go live on the moon! [Chuckles.]
[Laughs.]
Good one.
Hey, I think there's enough for a rotisserie chicken in here.
[Laughs.]
Oh, well, thank Hi.
Well [Exhales sharply.]
There you two are.
Oh, Rosie She is a slugburger She eats worms for dinner [Chuckles.]
- # She's a slugburger-ger # - That's gross.
Oh, hey.
It's Clarence.
There he is.
Oh, Rosie, she is a simple rube [Chuckles.]
Oh, Cloris! I thought I told her never to play that darn tune again.
- # She's a slugburger # - Hey, stop that song.
Stop that! I'm not a slugburger! - # She says she'll always be your friend # - Jeffrey! You get your friend out of there! - # Through the thick and through the thin # - [Chuckles.]
This is a funny song.
But when push comes to shove She'll snitch and wear a grin - That's not nice.
- # Oh, Rosie # She is a slugburger - # She eats worms for dinner # - Oh, yuck.
She's a slugburger [Meows.]
[Chuckles.]
And that's the truth.