Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1998) s02e32 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 32
1 GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" ON TONIGHT'S SHOW -- "THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN" -- WAYNE BRADY.
"FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE" -- KAREN MARUYAMA.
"FOR YOUR EYES ONLY" -- COLIN MOCHRIE.
AND "THE SPY WHO LOVED ME" -- RYAN STILES.
AND I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.
COME ON DOWN.
LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
HELLO.
HI, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME.
WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?", THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
THEY DON'T MEAN A THING.
THEY'RE USELESS, JUST LIKE THE LOTTERY TICKET IN YOUR POCKET.
AND IF YOU NEVER SAW THE SHOW BEFORE, OUR PERFORMERS MAKE EVERYTHING UP OFF THE TOP OF THEIR HEADS, AND WE GIVE THEM POINTS.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
IT'S A GAG TO TIE THE SHOW TOGETHER.
AT THE END, THE WINNER GETS TO DO A LITTLE SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH ME, AND THAT'S WHY WE'LL NEVER WIN AN EMMY.
LET'S GET THINGS GOING WITH "FILM, TV, AND THEATER STYLES" FOR RYAN, COLIN, AND KAREN.
THEY'RE GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE.
I'M GOING TO MAKE THEM ADAPT DIFFERENT STYLES.
I NEED SOME STYLES OF FILM, TELEVISION, OR THEATER THAT YOU ENJOY.
MONSTERS.
JOHN WAYNE IS GOOD.
SURFING.
GORILLA THEATER.
AND A COUPLE MORE.
INFOMERCIALS.
OKAY, THAT'S PLENTY.
YOU'RE GOING TO START A SCENE NORMALLY, AND AFTER THE SCENE GETS STARTED I'M GOING TO BUZZ YOU, AND THEN YOU COME IN WITH THESE DIFFERENT STYLES.
THE SCENE IS RYAN IS A WWII PILOT -- THAT'S WORLD WAR II.
ALL RIGHT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A WRESTLING PILOT.
SO DO A LOT OF PEOPLE.
AS HE LEAVES ON A DANGEROUS MISSION.
COLIN, HIS WOUNDED COPILOT, PROMISES TO LOOK AFTER HER.
I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY, CHIP.
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, DARN IT, MISS YOU.
I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU ONCE EVERY THREE HOURS.
CAN WE PICK THIS UP? I'M LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD.
LOOK, JOHNNY AND I MAY NOT COME BACK FROM THIS MISSION -- WHAT? YOU DIDN'T GET THE NOTE? NO.
[ BUZZER .]
Drew: JOHN WAYNE.
YOU TWO ARE BRAVE, I TELL YOU.
YOU'RE TOO DARN BRAVE, AND I'M JUST A WOMAN.
DON'T YOU WORRY, YOU LITTLE SCHOOLMARM.
I'M GONNA BRING YOUR BIG PADRE BACK IN ONE PIECE.
[ As John Wayne .]
IT'S A BAD WAR, BUT SOMEONE'S GOT TO FIGHT IT.
I THINK YOU GOT YOUR PARACHUTE STRAP A LITTLE TIGHT.
[ BUZZER .]
Drew: UH, GORILLA THEATER.
Karen: TAKE THAT! GO! [ BUZZER .]
POKéMON.
HELLO.
HELLO.
I AM ITCHY.
PLEASE DON'T GO.
OH, YOU'RE MAKING MY TAIL CATCH ON FIRE.
FFSSST! JIGGLYPUFF! OH.
PSHHT.
PIKACHU.
[ BUZZER .]
MONSTER MOVIE.
AAH! OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COPILOT? I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T -- OH, AAH.
OH, YOUR ANKLE.
I CAN'T -- I'LL MEET YOU DOWN THERE.
[ BUZZER .]
OKAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
500 POINTS A PIECE.
STICK THOSE POINTS WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE -- SEATTLE.
WASHINGTON! AHH.
HA HA HA HAR HAR HAR HAR! LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS.
" THIS IS FOR ALL OF FOUR OF YOU.
COLIN, YOU'RE THE ANCHOR.
YOUR CO-ANCHOR IS KAREN.
KAREN, YOU'RE PLAYING A FRISKY GRANNY.
IT SAYS HERE, "FRISKY GRANNY WITH A CRUSH ON COLIN.
" OOH.
ALL RIGHT.
WAYNE, YOU'RE DOING THE SPORTS.
YOU'RE AN INEPT FIREMAN CALLED TO AN EMERGENCY.
AND, RYAN, YOU'RE DOING WEATHER.
YOU'RE A MATADOR IN A BULLFIGHT.
SO WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, GO AHEAD AND START.
[ MUSIC PLAYING .]
GOOD EVENING.
IT'S TIME FOR THE 6:00 NEWS.
I'M YOUR ANCHOR LES MISERABLE.
YES, YOU ARE! YES, YOU ARE! ALL RIGHT, OUR TOP STORY TODAY.
ACCORDING TO A RECENT SCIENTIFIC REPORT, MEN THINK ABOUT SEX EVERY SIX SECONDS AND BECA-- MIKE WALLACE.
AND NOW OVER TO YOU.
HELLO THERE.
I'M FRANCINE LI, AND I LOVE WATCHING YOU TALK.
I WANT YOU TO SET ME FREE.
I'M 60, BUT I FEEL LIKE A NUBILE TEEN.
YOU'RE KIDDING YOURSELF.
AND NOW WHY DON'T WE SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE WORLD OF SPORTS? WINKY? VAROOM.
RUFF RUFF.
YOU GOT IT, SPARKY.
VAROOM.
WHOO! KACHINK.
[ BLOWING NOISES .]
[ NOISES STOP .]
HELLO? HEY.
OW! AAH! AAH AAH! POOF.
OOH.
BACK TO YOU.
I MADE YOU A PIE.
I'M FREAKING OUT.
AND NOW OVER TO THE WEATHER.
STORMY? THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GO SUNNY WEATHER ALL OVER THE COUNTRY EXCEPT FOR ONE PLACE SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, WHICH AGAIN -- [ CHEERING .]
IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.
AS YOU CAN SEE [ HUFFS .]
TORO! HUNH HUNH HUNH.
HUNH! TORO! AHA! TORO.
HUNH HUNH.
GRR.
AH, TORO.
AHA! TORO! TORO! GRR.
TORO.
TORO! AHA HA! AHH.
AHH! NO, TORO! NO! NO, TORO! AAH! AAH! NO, TORO! AAH! WELL, THAT REMINDS ME -- TOMORROW WE HAVE AN INTERVIEW WITH AL GORE.
THAT IS THE NEWS.
6:00, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[ BUZZER .]
GREAT.
1,000 POINTS TO EACH OF YOU, AND, YOU KNOW, THE SAME TIME WE'RE ON, "DIAGNOSIS MURDER" IS ON ON CBS.
A LOT OF OLD PEOPLE WATCH THAT SHOW, AND, APPARENTLY, HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE EVERY WEEK DON'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT WHO THE MURDERER IS.
TRUE STORY.
THEY ALL LIVE IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.
AHEM.
1,000 POINTS FOR THAT GREAT KISS THAT KAREN PLANTED ON COLIN.
IT WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE KISS COLIN GAVE ME ON THE "DREW CAREY SHOW," BUT IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS A LOT EASIER TO WATCH, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.
LET'S MOVE ON TO A GAME CALLED "SONG STYLES" FOR WAYNE, LAURA HALL, LINDA TAYLOR, AND CECE WORALL.
LA LA LA LA YOU, SIR.
CAN I HAVE YOUR NAME, PLEASE? BOB.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? I'M A PASTOR.
OH, HE'S A PASTOR.
COME ON DOWN HERE, BOB.
SAY HI TO EVERYBODY.
OKAY.
I LOVE TO MAKE IT EASY FOR WAYNE.
WAYNE YOU'RE GOING TO BE SINGING ABOUT PASTOR BOB IN THE STYLE OF A JAMES BOND THEME SONG.
AND THE BOND VILLAIN YOU'RE SINGING ABOUT IS PASTOR BOB, THE BOND VILLAIN.
[ MUSIC BEGINS PLAYING .]
HE'S THE MAN WHO TALKS TO GOD EVERY DAY HE DOES IT IN HIS PASTORING WAY HE'S THE MAN CALL HIM THE PASTOR HE HAS A BIBLE HE CARRIES IT AROUND LIKE A GUN BACK EVIL SPIRITS SAID OUR SON 'CAUSE HE'S THE PASTOR AND GOD IS HIS MASTER HE IS THE ONE FROM WHO HE GETS HIS ORDERS HE'S THE KING HE KNOWS NO SPIRITUAL OR MENTAL BORDERS HE DOESN'T HAVE A COLLAR 'CAUSE HE'S NOT A REVEREND HE DOESN'T WEAR A HAT HE'S NOT THE POPE BUT BECAUSE HE'S A VERY GOOD PASTOR TO GET TO HEAVEN IS WHAT HE HOPES THAT'S WHAT HE HOPES THAT'S WHAT HE HOPES! LET'S HEAR IT FOR BOB! THANK YOU, WAYNE.
ALL RIGHT, BOB.
DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE" RIGHT AFTER THIS.
WELCOME BACK TO HOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?", THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
LIKE BORDERS TO GERMANS, THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "PARTY QUIRKS.
" THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY.
KAREN, YOU'RE HOSTING A PARTY.
WAYNE, COLIN, AND RYAN, YOU'RE GOING TO BE GUESTS.
WE'VE GIVEN EACH A STRANGE QUIRK OR IDENTITY.
KAREN, YOU START THE PARTY, I'LL BRING THESE GUYS IN WITH THE DOORBELL.
YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHO THEY ARE.
SO START.
OOH, BOY.
MELON BALLS! HA HA HA.
[ DOORBELL RINGS .]
OH, COME ON IN.
HELLO.
HEY, MAN, YOU GOT SOME? HEY, YOU! RUFF RUFF RUFF! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! SLAM.
[ PANTING .]
RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF! AAH! AHH! NO! I GOT HIM! AAH! GET OFF ME, MAN! GET OFF ME! [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
[ DING DONG .]
[ DING DONG .]
[ DING DONG .]
I AM SO GLAD I INVITED YOU, CHARLIE, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO MUCH FUN.
OH, HELLO.
OH.
HEY.
IT'S NEW.
IT'S A NEW OUTFIT.
IT'S SEE-THROUGH.
OH! OKAY, FRANK -- OW.
[ DOORBELL RINGS .]
[ COUGHS .]
HEY, MAN, GET ME SOME REESE'S PIECES! I AM SO GLAD I INVITED YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
HELLO.
HELLO, KAREN.
THANKS FOR INVITING ME.
HELLO, RYAN.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
OOH! HEY, FISH STICKS.
DO YOU MIND IF I JUST -- [ GASPING .]
MY GOD.
OH, THAT WAS CLOSE.
COULDN'T SEE WHAT I WAS EATING.
BETTER PLUG IN A LAMP.
BZZT! OH! OH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
I'VE RUINED THE WHOLE PARTY! OH, MY GOD.
A CRIMINAL ON THE LAM.
Drew: NO.
I'M A BAD BOY.
BAD BOY.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO? YOU'RE MIKE TYSON.
Drew: NO! HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM NOT A CAR THAT YOU CAN TRY OUT.
CAR? YOU'RE TESTING A CAR.
NO! YOU THINK I'M A VENDING MACHINE.
YES! WOULD IT BE OKAY WITH YOU IF I TOOK A BATH WITH YOUR TOASTER? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SO SUICIDAL.
NO.
BZZT! WHOA! FFT! OHH.
WHAT IS HE FIRST? HE'S A -- [ HACKING COUGH .]
HE'S A CAT, A SUICIDAL CAT.
HOW MANY LIVES DO CATS HAVE? OH, HE'S A CAT THAT'S USING UP ALL NINE LIVES.
YES! NICE TV.
YOU ARE A BREAKING- AND-ENTERING THIEF THAT'S RUNNING AWAY FROM A ON WHAT SHOW WOULD HE BE ON IF HE WAS A THIEF? OH! "COPS.
" YES! THAT WAS FANTA-- DON'T EVER GO ON CELEBRITY "JEOPARDY!" HA HA HA HA.
LAST GAME IS CALLED "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" IT'S FOR COLIN AND RYAN AND WAYNE AND KAREN.
COLIN, YOU'RE THE HOST OF A GAME SHOW CALLED "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" RYAN IS A CONTESTANT ON THE SHOW.
WAYNE, YOU'RE THE LIFELINE, AND KAREN IS THE RELATIVE IN THE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
THE TWIST IS THIS IS THE 1930s GANGSTER VERSION OF "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT AWAY.
THE 1930s GANGSTER VERSION OF "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" HELLO, I'M PHEBIS REGIN.
TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A MILLIONAIRE, BUT I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
FORGET ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED HERE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND? WE BRING YOU BACK.
YOUR NAME? BUGSY BUGSY.
AHH! YOUR NAME! BUGSY MALONE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU ARE TWO QUESTIONS AWAY FROM GETTING A MILLION DOLLARS.
I AIN'T ANSWERING ANY MORE OF YOUR QUESTIONS! YOU'RE GOING TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS! DON'T MAKE ME PULL MY GAT.
THAT'S A GUN.
I KNOW.
ARE YOU READY? I'M READY TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, YOU GET A MILLION DOLLARS.
I WANT IT IN SMALL BILLS.
YOU'LL GET IT THE WAY YOU GET IT.
AHH! I DIDN'T EVEN DO NOTHING.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, TALL GUY.
CHAUCER IS "A," A PLAYWRIGHT, "B," A BAD WAY TO PRONOUNCE "SAUCER," "C," A FRUITY DRINK, OR "D," THE DIRTY SQUEALER WHO'S UNDER THE OCEAN WITH CEMENT OVERSHOES AND -- SHUT UP ABOUT THAT! "D" DOESN'T COUNT.
I'M RULING OUT "D" RIGHT NOW.
IT NEVER EXISTED.
ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER? SAUCER SOUNDS RIGHT FOR CHAUCER.
I'M GOING TO MAKE A CALL -- NO, I'M GOING INTO THE AUDIENCE TO ONE OF MY RELATIVES.
MY DEAR MOTHER'S UP THERE.
MA, CAN YOU HEAR ME? YEAH, I CAN, BUGSY, BUT MOMMY'S A LITTLE DRUNK ON HOOCH.
HE'S GRILLING ME.
I NEED ANSWERS.
I TELL YOU, I'M JUST A DAME.
I'M TORN BETWEEN "A" AND "C.
" I'M GOING TO GO WITH "A," BUT I'M JUST A DAME.
APPARENTLY, MY MOTHER'S JEWISH AND I'M NOT.
I'M GOING WITH "B.
" IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER? C's MY FINAL ANSWER.
C's YOUR FINAL ANSWER? YEAH.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAY ANY MORE.
'EY A's YOUR FINAL ANSWER? WHAT? YOUR FINAL ANSWER IS "A"? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU PICKED "A.
" YOU LOUSY, STUPID -- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, PUT 'ER THERE, BUDDY.
HERE IS YOUR NEXT QUESTION.
THE CAPITAL OF PARAGUAY IS "A," NUKILAMA, "C," MUKIWAKA, "C," NIKINIKI, OR "D," IS THE CAPITAL OF PARAGUAY THE "P"? HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL ON ME? YOU HAD AN "A" AND TWO C's IN THERE.
HEY, THERE'S NO NEED TO GET -- OH! AHA.
OW! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A PHONE CALL.
IT'S TRICKY WITH THE "A," TWO C's, AND A "D.
" SOMEDAY THEY'RE GOING TO INVENT A PHONE WHERE YOU CAN JUST PUSH BUTTONS.
YOU'RE CRAZY! I'M CALLING MY WARDEN.
HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
[ Imitates phone ringing .]
Wayne: Yeah, see? WARDEN, IT'S BUGSY MALONE HERE.
You're out of the joint.
Out of the stir.
Nyah.
FINALLY FOUND OUT I WAS MISSING, HUH? Nyah.
You think it's funny now.
WARDEN, I'M GOING STRAIGHT.
I AIN'T STEALING IT.
I'M WINNING IT.
I JUST NEED THE ANSWER.
IS IT "A," "C," "C," OR "D"? Nyah.
Might help if I knew the question, you doody.
IT'S THE CAPITAL OF PARAGUAY, WARDEN.
YOU'RE FROM THERE, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
It's "P.
" "P.
" The big "P.
" ALL RIGHTY, THANKS.
Nyah.
THAT'S ONE SMART SHEEP.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SAY "P.
" "P"? SO YOUR ANSWER'S "D.
" I'M SAYING "C.
" THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER? NO, I'M GOING TO CHANGE IT TO "C.
" THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER? I'M GOING TO TAKE "D," BUT IF IT'S NOT "D," YOU'RE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF IN CEMENT SHOES AT THE BOTTOM OF -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT RIVER, BUT I'LL FIND ONE.
OKAY, YOU'RE PICKING "D.
" I AM PICKING "D.
" OH.
OH.
OF ALL THE CRAZY ANSWERS YOU COULD HAVE PICKED, YOU ARE A MILLIONAIRE! GET OUT OF HERE! YEAH! YEAH! [ BUZZER .]
HEY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS.
WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" TONIGHT'S WINNER -- KAREN MARUYAMA.
KAREN MARUYAMA IS THE WINNER TONIGHT.
THE REST OF US ARE GOING TO BE PUNISHED BY DOING A HOEDOWN FOR YOU.
WHAT WE NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE -- THINGS THAT SCARE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
Man: YOUR WIFE.
LET'S DO A HOEDOWN ABOUT THE SCARY WIFE.
TAKE IT AWAY, LAURA HALL.
OH, I GOT MARRIED ABOUT A YEAR AGO I'M AS HAPPY AS CAN BE, I THINK YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW BUT MY WIFE, I'M GLAD I DID MARRY EXCEPT IN THE MORNING, SHE LOOKS LIKE DREW CAREY WELL, WAYNE GETS WORRIED ABOUT HIS LITTLE WIFE 'CAUSE SHE IS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE BUT EVERY NIGHT JUST ABOUT 3:00 OH, WAYNE SHE'S OUT WITH ME EVERY NIGHT MY WIFE SCARES THE LIFE OUT OF ME WITH HER UGLY HAIR AND SCARS, ALL YOU CAN SEE MARRYING SOMEONE THAT UGLY REALLY WASN'T MY PLAN I ACCIDENTALLY MARRIED DENNIS RODMAN YOU KNOW THAT MY WIFE, SHE IS MY BEST PAL I WILL HAVE TO SAY THAT SHE IS QUITE A GAL WHEN IT COMES TO WIVES, SHE IS THE BEST SHE'S THE FINEST IN THE LAND WHEW, NOW I'LL GET SOME SEX All: NOW I'LL GET SOME SEX WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE.
" DON'T GO AWAY.
HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE.
" WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW WITH WAYNE AND KAREN READING THE CREDITS FOR YOU AS TWO "WHOSE LINE" FANS WAITING TO MEET THE CAST AT THE STAGE DOOR.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
HEY, THERE'S DREW CAREY AND RYAN STILES! WE LOVE YOU! HEY, TALL DUDE! DENISE O'DONOGHUE.
SHE PUTS ON RYAN'S MAKEUP.
OH, MY GOD, THAT WAYNE BRADY IS SO CUTE.
IT'S DREW CAREY! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! WHO THE HELL IS ERIC WILKER? STEVEN BLUM SAYS KAREN MARUYAMA IS FUNNY.
LIONEL! LIONEL! WHOO! OH, MY GOD, ANNE COFELL.
IT'S COLIN MOCHRIE! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, RYAN.
"FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE" -- KAREN MARUYAMA.
"FOR YOUR EYES ONLY" -- COLIN MOCHRIE.
AND "THE SPY WHO LOVED ME" -- RYAN STILES.
AND I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.
COME ON DOWN.
LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
HELLO.
HI, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME.
WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?", THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
THEY DON'T MEAN A THING.
THEY'RE USELESS, JUST LIKE THE LOTTERY TICKET IN YOUR POCKET.
AND IF YOU NEVER SAW THE SHOW BEFORE, OUR PERFORMERS MAKE EVERYTHING UP OFF THE TOP OF THEIR HEADS, AND WE GIVE THEM POINTS.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
IT'S A GAG TO TIE THE SHOW TOGETHER.
AT THE END, THE WINNER GETS TO DO A LITTLE SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH ME, AND THAT'S WHY WE'LL NEVER WIN AN EMMY.
LET'S GET THINGS GOING WITH "FILM, TV, AND THEATER STYLES" FOR RYAN, COLIN, AND KAREN.
THEY'RE GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE.
I'M GOING TO MAKE THEM ADAPT DIFFERENT STYLES.
I NEED SOME STYLES OF FILM, TELEVISION, OR THEATER THAT YOU ENJOY.
MONSTERS.
JOHN WAYNE IS GOOD.
SURFING.
GORILLA THEATER.
AND A COUPLE MORE.
INFOMERCIALS.
OKAY, THAT'S PLENTY.
YOU'RE GOING TO START A SCENE NORMALLY, AND AFTER THE SCENE GETS STARTED I'M GOING TO BUZZ YOU, AND THEN YOU COME IN WITH THESE DIFFERENT STYLES.
THE SCENE IS RYAN IS A WWII PILOT -- THAT'S WORLD WAR II.
ALL RIGHT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A WRESTLING PILOT.
SO DO A LOT OF PEOPLE.
AS HE LEAVES ON A DANGEROUS MISSION.
COLIN, HIS WOUNDED COPILOT, PROMISES TO LOOK AFTER HER.
I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY, CHIP.
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, DARN IT, MISS YOU.
I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU ONCE EVERY THREE HOURS.
CAN WE PICK THIS UP? I'M LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD.
LOOK, JOHNNY AND I MAY NOT COME BACK FROM THIS MISSION -- WHAT? YOU DIDN'T GET THE NOTE? NO.
[ BUZZER .]
Drew: JOHN WAYNE.
YOU TWO ARE BRAVE, I TELL YOU.
YOU'RE TOO DARN BRAVE, AND I'M JUST A WOMAN.
DON'T YOU WORRY, YOU LITTLE SCHOOLMARM.
I'M GONNA BRING YOUR BIG PADRE BACK IN ONE PIECE.
[ As John Wayne .]
IT'S A BAD WAR, BUT SOMEONE'S GOT TO FIGHT IT.
I THINK YOU GOT YOUR PARACHUTE STRAP A LITTLE TIGHT.
[ BUZZER .]
Drew: UH, GORILLA THEATER.
Karen: TAKE THAT! GO! [ BUZZER .]
POKéMON.
HELLO.
HELLO.
I AM ITCHY.
PLEASE DON'T GO.
OH, YOU'RE MAKING MY TAIL CATCH ON FIRE.
FFSSST! JIGGLYPUFF! OH.
PSHHT.
PIKACHU.
[ BUZZER .]
MONSTER MOVIE.
AAH! OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COPILOT? I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T -- OH, AAH.
OH, YOUR ANKLE.
I CAN'T -- I'LL MEET YOU DOWN THERE.
[ BUZZER .]
OKAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
500 POINTS A PIECE.
STICK THOSE POINTS WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE -- SEATTLE.
WASHINGTON! AHH.
HA HA HA HAR HAR HAR HAR! LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS.
" THIS IS FOR ALL OF FOUR OF YOU.
COLIN, YOU'RE THE ANCHOR.
YOUR CO-ANCHOR IS KAREN.
KAREN, YOU'RE PLAYING A FRISKY GRANNY.
IT SAYS HERE, "FRISKY GRANNY WITH A CRUSH ON COLIN.
" OOH.
ALL RIGHT.
WAYNE, YOU'RE DOING THE SPORTS.
YOU'RE AN INEPT FIREMAN CALLED TO AN EMERGENCY.
AND, RYAN, YOU'RE DOING WEATHER.
YOU'RE A MATADOR IN A BULLFIGHT.
SO WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, GO AHEAD AND START.
[ MUSIC PLAYING .]
GOOD EVENING.
IT'S TIME FOR THE 6:00 NEWS.
I'M YOUR ANCHOR LES MISERABLE.
YES, YOU ARE! YES, YOU ARE! ALL RIGHT, OUR TOP STORY TODAY.
ACCORDING TO A RECENT SCIENTIFIC REPORT, MEN THINK ABOUT SEX EVERY SIX SECONDS AND BECA-- MIKE WALLACE.
AND NOW OVER TO YOU.
HELLO THERE.
I'M FRANCINE LI, AND I LOVE WATCHING YOU TALK.
I WANT YOU TO SET ME FREE.
I'M 60, BUT I FEEL LIKE A NUBILE TEEN.
YOU'RE KIDDING YOURSELF.
AND NOW WHY DON'T WE SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE WORLD OF SPORTS? WINKY? VAROOM.
RUFF RUFF.
YOU GOT IT, SPARKY.
VAROOM.
WHOO! KACHINK.
[ BLOWING NOISES .]
[ NOISES STOP .]
HELLO? HEY.
OW! AAH! AAH AAH! POOF.
OOH.
BACK TO YOU.
I MADE YOU A PIE.
I'M FREAKING OUT.
AND NOW OVER TO THE WEATHER.
STORMY? THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GO SUNNY WEATHER ALL OVER THE COUNTRY EXCEPT FOR ONE PLACE SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, WHICH AGAIN -- [ CHEERING .]
IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.
AS YOU CAN SEE [ HUFFS .]
TORO! HUNH HUNH HUNH.
HUNH! TORO! AHA! TORO.
HUNH HUNH.
GRR.
AH, TORO.
AHA! TORO! TORO! GRR.
TORO.
TORO! AHA HA! AHH.
AHH! NO, TORO! NO! NO, TORO! AAH! AAH! NO, TORO! AAH! WELL, THAT REMINDS ME -- TOMORROW WE HAVE AN INTERVIEW WITH AL GORE.
THAT IS THE NEWS.
6:00, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[ BUZZER .]
GREAT.
1,000 POINTS TO EACH OF YOU, AND, YOU KNOW, THE SAME TIME WE'RE ON, "DIAGNOSIS MURDER" IS ON ON CBS.
A LOT OF OLD PEOPLE WATCH THAT SHOW, AND, APPARENTLY, HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE EVERY WEEK DON'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT WHO THE MURDERER IS.
TRUE STORY.
THEY ALL LIVE IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.
AHEM.
1,000 POINTS FOR THAT GREAT KISS THAT KAREN PLANTED ON COLIN.
IT WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE KISS COLIN GAVE ME ON THE "DREW CAREY SHOW," BUT IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS A LOT EASIER TO WATCH, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.
LET'S MOVE ON TO A GAME CALLED "SONG STYLES" FOR WAYNE, LAURA HALL, LINDA TAYLOR, AND CECE WORALL.
LA LA LA LA YOU, SIR.
CAN I HAVE YOUR NAME, PLEASE? BOB.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? I'M A PASTOR.
OH, HE'S A PASTOR.
COME ON DOWN HERE, BOB.
SAY HI TO EVERYBODY.
OKAY.
I LOVE TO MAKE IT EASY FOR WAYNE.
WAYNE YOU'RE GOING TO BE SINGING ABOUT PASTOR BOB IN THE STYLE OF A JAMES BOND THEME SONG.
AND THE BOND VILLAIN YOU'RE SINGING ABOUT IS PASTOR BOB, THE BOND VILLAIN.
[ MUSIC BEGINS PLAYING .]
HE'S THE MAN WHO TALKS TO GOD EVERY DAY HE DOES IT IN HIS PASTORING WAY HE'S THE MAN CALL HIM THE PASTOR HE HAS A BIBLE HE CARRIES IT AROUND LIKE A GUN BACK EVIL SPIRITS SAID OUR SON 'CAUSE HE'S THE PASTOR AND GOD IS HIS MASTER HE IS THE ONE FROM WHO HE GETS HIS ORDERS HE'S THE KING HE KNOWS NO SPIRITUAL OR MENTAL BORDERS HE DOESN'T HAVE A COLLAR 'CAUSE HE'S NOT A REVEREND HE DOESN'T WEAR A HAT HE'S NOT THE POPE BUT BECAUSE HE'S A VERY GOOD PASTOR TO GET TO HEAVEN IS WHAT HE HOPES THAT'S WHAT HE HOPES THAT'S WHAT HE HOPES! LET'S HEAR IT FOR BOB! THANK YOU, WAYNE.
ALL RIGHT, BOB.
DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE" RIGHT AFTER THIS.
WELCOME BACK TO HOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?", THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
LIKE BORDERS TO GERMANS, THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "PARTY QUIRKS.
" THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY.
KAREN, YOU'RE HOSTING A PARTY.
WAYNE, COLIN, AND RYAN, YOU'RE GOING TO BE GUESTS.
WE'VE GIVEN EACH A STRANGE QUIRK OR IDENTITY.
KAREN, YOU START THE PARTY, I'LL BRING THESE GUYS IN WITH THE DOORBELL.
YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHO THEY ARE.
SO START.
OOH, BOY.
MELON BALLS! HA HA HA.
[ DOORBELL RINGS .]
OH, COME ON IN.
HELLO.
HEY, MAN, YOU GOT SOME? HEY, YOU! RUFF RUFF RUFF! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! SLAM.
[ PANTING .]
RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF! AAH! AHH! NO! I GOT HIM! AAH! GET OFF ME, MAN! GET OFF ME! [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
[ DING DONG .]
[ DING DONG .]
[ DING DONG .]
I AM SO GLAD I INVITED YOU, CHARLIE, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO MUCH FUN.
OH, HELLO.
OH.
HEY.
IT'S NEW.
IT'S A NEW OUTFIT.
IT'S SEE-THROUGH.
OH! OKAY, FRANK -- OW.
[ DOORBELL RINGS .]
[ COUGHS .]
HEY, MAN, GET ME SOME REESE'S PIECES! I AM SO GLAD I INVITED YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
HELLO.
HELLO, KAREN.
THANKS FOR INVITING ME.
HELLO, RYAN.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
OOH! HEY, FISH STICKS.
DO YOU MIND IF I JUST -- [ GASPING .]
MY GOD.
OH, THAT WAS CLOSE.
COULDN'T SEE WHAT I WAS EATING.
BETTER PLUG IN A LAMP.
BZZT! OH! OH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
I'VE RUINED THE WHOLE PARTY! OH, MY GOD.
A CRIMINAL ON THE LAM.
Drew: NO.
I'M A BAD BOY.
BAD BOY.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO? YOU'RE MIKE TYSON.
Drew: NO! HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM NOT A CAR THAT YOU CAN TRY OUT.
CAR? YOU'RE TESTING A CAR.
NO! YOU THINK I'M A VENDING MACHINE.
YES! WOULD IT BE OKAY WITH YOU IF I TOOK A BATH WITH YOUR TOASTER? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SO SUICIDAL.
NO.
BZZT! WHOA! FFT! OHH.
WHAT IS HE FIRST? HE'S A -- [ HACKING COUGH .]
HE'S A CAT, A SUICIDAL CAT.
HOW MANY LIVES DO CATS HAVE? OH, HE'S A CAT THAT'S USING UP ALL NINE LIVES.
YES! NICE TV.
YOU ARE A BREAKING- AND-ENTERING THIEF THAT'S RUNNING AWAY FROM A ON WHAT SHOW WOULD HE BE ON IF HE WAS A THIEF? OH! "COPS.
" YES! THAT WAS FANTA-- DON'T EVER GO ON CELEBRITY "JEOPARDY!" HA HA HA HA.
LAST GAME IS CALLED "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" IT'S FOR COLIN AND RYAN AND WAYNE AND KAREN.
COLIN, YOU'RE THE HOST OF A GAME SHOW CALLED "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" RYAN IS A CONTESTANT ON THE SHOW.
WAYNE, YOU'RE THE LIFELINE, AND KAREN IS THE RELATIVE IN THE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
THE TWIST IS THIS IS THE 1930s GANGSTER VERSION OF "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT AWAY.
THE 1930s GANGSTER VERSION OF "THE MILLIONAIRE SHOW.
" HELLO, I'M PHEBIS REGIN.
TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A MILLIONAIRE, BUT I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
FORGET ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED HERE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND? WE BRING YOU BACK.
YOUR NAME? BUGSY BUGSY.
AHH! YOUR NAME! BUGSY MALONE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU ARE TWO QUESTIONS AWAY FROM GETTING A MILLION DOLLARS.
I AIN'T ANSWERING ANY MORE OF YOUR QUESTIONS! YOU'RE GOING TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS! DON'T MAKE ME PULL MY GAT.
THAT'S A GUN.
I KNOW.
ARE YOU READY? I'M READY TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, YOU GET A MILLION DOLLARS.
I WANT IT IN SMALL BILLS.
YOU'LL GET IT THE WAY YOU GET IT.
AHH! I DIDN'T EVEN DO NOTHING.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, TALL GUY.
CHAUCER IS "A," A PLAYWRIGHT, "B," A BAD WAY TO PRONOUNCE "SAUCER," "C," A FRUITY DRINK, OR "D," THE DIRTY SQUEALER WHO'S UNDER THE OCEAN WITH CEMENT OVERSHOES AND -- SHUT UP ABOUT THAT! "D" DOESN'T COUNT.
I'M RULING OUT "D" RIGHT NOW.
IT NEVER EXISTED.
ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER? SAUCER SOUNDS RIGHT FOR CHAUCER.
I'M GOING TO MAKE A CALL -- NO, I'M GOING INTO THE AUDIENCE TO ONE OF MY RELATIVES.
MY DEAR MOTHER'S UP THERE.
MA, CAN YOU HEAR ME? YEAH, I CAN, BUGSY, BUT MOMMY'S A LITTLE DRUNK ON HOOCH.
HE'S GRILLING ME.
I NEED ANSWERS.
I TELL YOU, I'M JUST A DAME.
I'M TORN BETWEEN "A" AND "C.
" I'M GOING TO GO WITH "A," BUT I'M JUST A DAME.
APPARENTLY, MY MOTHER'S JEWISH AND I'M NOT.
I'M GOING WITH "B.
" IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER? C's MY FINAL ANSWER.
C's YOUR FINAL ANSWER? YEAH.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAY ANY MORE.
'EY A's YOUR FINAL ANSWER? WHAT? YOUR FINAL ANSWER IS "A"? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU PICKED "A.
" YOU LOUSY, STUPID -- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, PUT 'ER THERE, BUDDY.
HERE IS YOUR NEXT QUESTION.
THE CAPITAL OF PARAGUAY IS "A," NUKILAMA, "C," MUKIWAKA, "C," NIKINIKI, OR "D," IS THE CAPITAL OF PARAGUAY THE "P"? HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL ON ME? YOU HAD AN "A" AND TWO C's IN THERE.
HEY, THERE'S NO NEED TO GET -- OH! AHA.
OW! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A PHONE CALL.
IT'S TRICKY WITH THE "A," TWO C's, AND A "D.
" SOMEDAY THEY'RE GOING TO INVENT A PHONE WHERE YOU CAN JUST PUSH BUTTONS.
YOU'RE CRAZY! I'M CALLING MY WARDEN.
HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
[ Imitates phone ringing .]
Wayne: Yeah, see? WARDEN, IT'S BUGSY MALONE HERE.
You're out of the joint.
Out of the stir.
Nyah.
FINALLY FOUND OUT I WAS MISSING, HUH? Nyah.
You think it's funny now.
WARDEN, I'M GOING STRAIGHT.
I AIN'T STEALING IT.
I'M WINNING IT.
I JUST NEED THE ANSWER.
IS IT "A," "C," "C," OR "D"? Nyah.
Might help if I knew the question, you doody.
IT'S THE CAPITAL OF PARAGUAY, WARDEN.
YOU'RE FROM THERE, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
It's "P.
" "P.
" The big "P.
" ALL RIGHTY, THANKS.
Nyah.
THAT'S ONE SMART SHEEP.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SAY "P.
" "P"? SO YOUR ANSWER'S "D.
" I'M SAYING "C.
" THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER? NO, I'M GOING TO CHANGE IT TO "C.
" THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER? I'M GOING TO TAKE "D," BUT IF IT'S NOT "D," YOU'RE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF IN CEMENT SHOES AT THE BOTTOM OF -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT RIVER, BUT I'LL FIND ONE.
OKAY, YOU'RE PICKING "D.
" I AM PICKING "D.
" OH.
OH.
OF ALL THE CRAZY ANSWERS YOU COULD HAVE PICKED, YOU ARE A MILLIONAIRE! GET OUT OF HERE! YEAH! YEAH! [ BUZZER .]
HEY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS.
WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" TONIGHT'S WINNER -- KAREN MARUYAMA.
KAREN MARUYAMA IS THE WINNER TONIGHT.
THE REST OF US ARE GOING TO BE PUNISHED BY DOING A HOEDOWN FOR YOU.
WHAT WE NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE -- THINGS THAT SCARE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
Man: YOUR WIFE.
LET'S DO A HOEDOWN ABOUT THE SCARY WIFE.
TAKE IT AWAY, LAURA HALL.
OH, I GOT MARRIED ABOUT A YEAR AGO I'M AS HAPPY AS CAN BE, I THINK YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW BUT MY WIFE, I'M GLAD I DID MARRY EXCEPT IN THE MORNING, SHE LOOKS LIKE DREW CAREY WELL, WAYNE GETS WORRIED ABOUT HIS LITTLE WIFE 'CAUSE SHE IS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE BUT EVERY NIGHT JUST ABOUT 3:00 OH, WAYNE SHE'S OUT WITH ME EVERY NIGHT MY WIFE SCARES THE LIFE OUT OF ME WITH HER UGLY HAIR AND SCARS, ALL YOU CAN SEE MARRYING SOMEONE THAT UGLY REALLY WASN'T MY PLAN I ACCIDENTALLY MARRIED DENNIS RODMAN YOU KNOW THAT MY WIFE, SHE IS MY BEST PAL I WILL HAVE TO SAY THAT SHE IS QUITE A GAL WHEN IT COMES TO WIVES, SHE IS THE BEST SHE'S THE FINEST IN THE LAND WHEW, NOW I'LL GET SOME SEX All: NOW I'LL GET SOME SEX WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE.
" DON'T GO AWAY.
HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE.
" WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW WITH WAYNE AND KAREN READING THE CREDITS FOR YOU AS TWO "WHOSE LINE" FANS WAITING TO MEET THE CAST AT THE STAGE DOOR.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
HEY, THERE'S DREW CAREY AND RYAN STILES! WE LOVE YOU! HEY, TALL DUDE! DENISE O'DONOGHUE.
SHE PUTS ON RYAN'S MAKEUP.
OH, MY GOD, THAT WAYNE BRADY IS SO CUTE.
IT'S DREW CAREY! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! WHO THE HELL IS ERIC WILKER? STEVEN BLUM SAYS KAREN MARUYAMA IS FUNNY.
LIONEL! LIONEL! WHOO! OH, MY GOD, ANNE COFELL.
IT'S COLIN MOCHRIE! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, RYAN.