Are We There Yet? (2010) s02e33 Episode Script

Ok, now I wasn't gonna say anything until I have everything confirmed, but I have a mother's day surprise for you.
*** - UmNot quite.
- Oh.
Well, you can always work on that for next year.
What you got? Bam! I booked you on the weekend spa package at Zen Harbor.
Ooh, Zen Harbor? They almost made the list of Oprah's favorite places.
Thank you, baby.
This is wonderful.
Oh, and that's not all.
See, because I know women love to relax and talk, I made sure you had company.
Is it Patti LaBelle? She almost made the list of Oprah's favorite friends.
No, it's not Patti LaBelle.
It's Suzanne.
Suzanne who? - Kingston-persons.
What? You booked me on a trip to Zen Harbor, and then you're gonna send me there on the Titanic? Who did you get your mother's day planning guide from, Eminem? Ma, I wasn't planning to send her with you, but the kids don't have anything planned that's as nice as this.
Oh.
Too bad.
Look, mom, I know you two haven't always gotten along That's an understatement.
But this might be the perfect opportunity for you guys to spend time and get to know each other.
Who said I wanted to do that? You might find out you actually like Suzanne.
Or I don't, and I was right all along.
All right.
If you don't want her to go, she doesn't have to.
Good.
I haven't said anything about it.
Don't.
The kids can find something else for her to do.
Great.
But you know, whether you believe this or not, she really admires you.
Oh, really? So now you're gonna try to guilt me into it? Boy, are you sure I raised you? Yeah, I think that was you.
Fine.
Fine, she can come.
Thank you, thank you, mom.
I owe you one.
Oh, you owe me a lot more than one.
And call me Marilyn.
hey, guys.
Hey, dad.
You know, mother's day is Sunday.
Have you thought about what you want to do for your mom? What did we do last year? You planned nothing.
I planned a brunch, brought flowers and cards.
You two just stood around looking cute and taking all the credit.
So why ruin a good thing? Yeah, mom loved that.
Because it's mother's day, not wife's day.
That's every other day of the year.
On mother's day, you honor your mother.
She's yours.
Look, this year, you two are gonna have to come up with something, all right? Look, I'll help, but you got to figure something out.
What are you gonna do for your mom? I'm sending her to the spa.
That's not effort.
You just made a phone call and spent some money.
I didn't just spend some money, all right? Look, I went to High School and college, stayed off drugs, graduated, got a job, made some money, saved some money, and now I'm sending my mother to the spa.
It took over 20 years to do this.
I think I'm just gonna ride this cute thing out.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Here's my glove.
- Thank you, sir.
Ah, I didn't know you were playing softball.
It's for my mom.
She and her friend Gail are coming up for mother's day.
They're riding the harley up from San Francisco.
Wow, a harley? I didn't know your mom was into bikes.
Yeah.
Anyway, their softball team has a tournament up here.
Hmm, so your mom and Gail are pretty close, huh? Oh, yeah.
When my parents split up, Gail was there for my mom 24/7.
Saw her through a lot of long nights.
Sometimes she was even there for breakfast.
Hm, in the morning too.
Gail makes a hell of an omelet.
She cooks.
My dad used to say that my mom was always hanging out with Gail.
Sometimes I think it's part of the reason they broke up.
Now, why would you think that? Anyway, you were able to score me those game tickets, right? WNBA.
You know my mom loves the storm.
Bring it.
There you go.
My mom's better.
Yeah.
Now, are you being serious? Your mother wants me to come with her to Zen Harbor? Baby, I know she doesn't act like it, but she really admires you.
Really? Yes.
And she shows it by cutting me down every chance she gets.
Are you sure she doesn't just want to take me out there so she can leave me? No.
And yes, she really wants you to come.
I think this is a great chance for you guys to really get to know each other.
Who said I wanted to do that? I think you guys will have a great time.
If we don't, will you send me back without her? Boy, if you want me to go, you better keep rubbing.
I'm rubbin'.
I'm rubbin'.
Oh, wow.
What an amazing room.
Oh, this isn't a room.
It isn't? No, this is a Harbor of Zen.
Everything you need to revitalize, rejuvenate, and re-energize will be provided for you right here while we pamper your senses.
And what was your name again? I'm Serenia, your wellness facilitator.
Serenia, huh? I'm guessing your mama didn't name you that.
She did.
Good thing you work in a spa.
It is.
Well, I can't wait to book some treatments.
I'm sorry, but here at Zen Harbor, we don't book arbitrary treatments.
First you will fill out these questionnaires.
And then, based on your needs, we will design a program that suits you.
Oh, she don't need to write all that down.
You got tar and feathers? We do.
Excuse me.
I didn't see a phone.
Do you have room service? No, because these are not rooms.
Right.
Do you have Harbor of Zen service? If you need something, we will be here.
Namaste.
Nama who? Ooh.
You know, Marilyn, I think this is gonna do us some good because maybe, when it's all said and done, you won't be quite so intimidated by me.
Intimidated? Annoyed, maybe but intimidated? Girl, be serious.
Okay.
But Nick told me how much you admire me.
You mean how much you admire me.
That is the only reason I agreed to let you come.
Well, just because I came here doesn't mean I have to stay here.
I can get another room.
No, you can't.
Why not? Because they don't have rooms.
Well, whatever they have, I'm going to get me one.
Oh, girl, come on.
Who do you think you're fooling? Just sit down, be quiet, and be glad I agreed to let you come.
Oh.
You let me come.
That's right.
You let me.
Even though my husband paid for this trip with our money, somehow you let me come.
You want to go there? Oh, no, honey.
I already went there, sent you a postcard, and brought you back a t-shirt.
You want to know what it says? "Namaste.
" Now I'ma go.
- Hey, dad.
- Hey, dad.
Hey.
Uh, you know, you two might want to get started on your mother's day presents.
Don't worry.
I got it.
What about you, Lindsey? Say "happy mother's day.
" That's your gift? Recording people saying "happy mother's day"? Got it.
No, no, no.
Let me do that again.
Thank you.
Happy mother's day.
Got it.
No could you please All I said was "happy.
" Now there we go.
Happy mother's Got it.
Quit playing.
Could you hold it up? Dad.
I'ma get that again.
I got it.
I'm gonna start working on your ma's honey-do list for mother's day.
Now, don't be expecting me to take you to the mall at the last minute.
Do I make myself clear? Uh-huh.
I thought you left.
They didn't have another Harbor of Zen available.
It's mother's day.
They're all booked.
So you're just gonna sit there and ruin my total mind-body-spirit escape? It's my escape too.
Actually, it's not.
For the record Oh, the record is scratched.
It wasn't a hit.
Time to play a new tune.
Want a massage? Sure.
And then I'll give you one.
How about I start with your neck? - Oh, bring it.
- Ladies.
I understand you would like a massage.
Wonderful.
Based on your questionnaire, Marilyn, we have Heather for you and Alejandro for Suzanne.
Hold on.
Heather sounds like a woman.
Yes.
I don't want some woman rubbing up on me.
She's married.
Let her have Heather.
And I'll take Alejandro.
She said I get Alejandro, so I'm gonna take Alejandro.
Serenia, if that man lays one finger on her, I am calling my son, and then Alejandro will get the massage, and trust me, he ain't gonna like it.
You know what? You really ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Nick tried to do something decent for you You're ruining my vacation.
I am such a giver.
That's why I let you come Shhh.
I think now is not the time for a massage.
Oh, Lord, now you done messed that up.
See, that's why I don't like to go Shhh.
Your mind and body are not at ease.
Your energy is not balanced.
We know that.
That's why we're trying to book a stupid Shh.
I have to rebalance your energy.
Hold out your hands.
When the sands have expired, you will be ready.
Namaste.
How come you got the bigger rock? Gigi.
Hey, there.
I got everything you asked me to get.
Good; Now you and Lindsey can get started on the decorations.
Okay.
Where is your mom gonna be this weekend? Oh, well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
She's in Paris.
Ooh.
What's she doing in Paris? Oh, you don't want me to answer that.
Anyway, Lindsey! Ohhh.
What? Pink.
Suzanne doesn't do pink.
Suzanne loves pink.
Suzanne hates pink.
Her favorite color is yellow.
So who loves pink? You.
Oh.
You're right.
I do love pink.
So what are we gonna do now? Oh, come on.
You want me to go all the way back to the store to get the yellow one? It's her favorite color.
Fine.
But you owe me.
Got a coupon for 1/2 off on a Cosmo.
I love cosmos because they're pink, but I don't pay for my own drinks.
Hi, Gigi.
Say "happy mother's day.
" Hold on.
Happy mother's day! Perfect.
Can I do mine over? - I got yours.
- Let's go.
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
You only had half of it.
- Where are we going? - Get a yellow one.
- It'll only take a second.
- I got yours.
We could've done it by now.
Hey, dad? Can you take me to the mall so I can get a picture frame? What have I been telling you for the last three days? Well, if you don't know, how am I supposed to know? Martin's picking me up some things.
Call him.
Maybe he can get you one.
Thanks.
- Hey, Kevin.
- Hi, guys.
Hello.
All right, we got your yellow one.
And I went to the printer to pick up the menus for the brunch tomorrow.
All right.
What? You didn't look at these before you left the store? Why? It's a funeral program.
"In memory of Marlena"? There's nothing wrong with that.
Well, somewhere, there's a crying family looking at a brunch menu.
"Daddy, what are huevos rancheros?" All right.
All right.
Okay, okay! I'm taking it back! Oh, are you an assistant? Suzanne feeds me.
I'm hungry.
Go get that brunch menu.
How is your chi, ladies? Balanced.
Really balanced.
Wonderful.
This is Carl.
He is an emotional masseur.
Emotional masseur? I'm here to give therapy to the knots inside your mind.
That's different.
My idea of therapy is putting knots up side her head.
That's good.
What I need from you now is to think of all the words you have circling inside your minds.
And when I say "go," I want you to say them all.
And don't stop until you're done.
But you must say them in a whisper.
Suzanne, go.
All she does is criticize everything I do.
She is constantly telling me how to treat Nick.
Stop.
Marilyn, go.
She doesn't know how to cook any real food.
And she lets those kids walk all over her.
And frankly, I think my son could've done better.
Stop.
Suzanne, go.
Well, that hurt my feelings.
I mean, I love Nick, and I'm doing the very best that I can.
Stop.
Marilyn, go.
Well, I love Nick too, and I only want the best for him.
Stop.
Suzanne, go.
.
- Well, I - Stop, Marilyn, go.
- I - Stop, Marilyn.
- I'm not finished.
- I know.
Right now the uterus of your mind is pregnant with anger.
This process will release your evil thoughts of each other, your misconceptions and ill will quietly into the universe.
And then you will eat this.
A cupcake.
Yes.
Your favorite.
I hope you brought two of those.
I did.
You will get them when you are done.
Go.
You know, she sure has a lot of nerve.
Whisper.
Stop.
Now eat.
Namaste.
Yeah, what you said.
- That's good.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Oh, Lord.
Oh.
Oh, girl, please tell me you are not turning that heat up again.
Any hotter in here, we'll be baking cookies.
It's freezing in here.
Well, that's what covers are for.
Marilyn, why do you hate me? I don't hate you.
I don't like you, but I don't hate you.
Forget it.
Be evil.
I hope you remember this when you're old and lonely.
You know, before you came along, I had a life.
I had my son.
He was my family.
Now you come sashaying your tiny little butt on the scene with those kids, and now he's your family.
So yeah, I'm a little jealous.
There.
You happy? Marilyn, we are all your family, okay? Nick loves you, the kids love you, and IAccept that.
You accept that because you got what you want.
I got two little kids running around calling me grandma.
I never even got to do one grandma thing I never got to bury my nose in their fat little necks and smell that baby smell.
I never got to buy the little-bitty outfits with the itty-bitty shoes.
I never got to feed them candy all day and then drop them off at your house and have them running around on a sugar high.
I never got to bad-mouth their mother.
Scratch that.
Well, Marilyn, I'm very sorry.
What? Why? Because all this time, I thought you were evil and heartless.
Turns out you're just evil.
That is not funny.
Just a little bit.
Marilyn, I want to add to your life, not take anything from it.
Is that why I hear tiny little violins playing? Okay, go ahead and joke.
But you know what? What? You love me and the kids.
But if it makes you feel any better, I won't say a word.
Good.
I feel better already.
And for the record, not the scratched one I love you too.
Okay, okay.
You love me; I love you.
I get it.
Now will you please go crack a window and put a blanket on before I die of heatstroke? Yes, mom.
Hello.
Happy mother's day! - Uh-huh.
Hey, baby.
Hi, sweetheart.
Ohh.
Hey, mom.
This looks wonderful.
You guys, the food looks fantastic.
Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is not for you.
This was our breakfast.
This is how we do it when you're away.
I'm just kidding.
How was it? It was wonderful.
It was nice.
Oh, is she using the high voice? I heard a high That's not all you get.
Come on over here.
Come on, mommy.
Okay.
Whoo, work it.
Work it, girl.
Look at you.
Okay, the red box is for you, Suzanne, and the purple bag is for you, mom.
Ohh.
Honey, what is it? - It's your completed honey-do list.
Aww.
You fixed all of these things? Every last one, hopefully.
Oh, what a beautiful locket.
With pictures of the kids.
Martin knows the guy who makes them.
One of Martin's guys? This is gonna break me out, isn't it? Mom, the Brown bag's from me.
Oh.
Okay.
Is this what I think it is? Yes, I finally finished battle stand.
I made an avatar for you.
Oh, it looks just like me.
I love it.
What is that? It's from my video game.
If you beat the game, you can create your own avatar that's gonna be in the online version, so I created mom.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I've got something to show you.
All right, what is it? Do you want to see it now? - Yes.
- Okay.
Happy mother's day, mom.
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
Happy mother's day.
- Hold on.
Hold-hold-hold-hold.
Happy mother's day.
- Hold on.
Hold-hold-hold-hold.
Happy mother's day.
Happy mother's day! Happy mother's day, Suzanne.
Stop playing.
I love you, mom.
It was the best mother's day ever.
Happy mother's day! Happy mother's day! I got it.
I got it!