Bewitched (1964) s02e37 Episode Script

- Good morning, sweetheart.
- Hi.
Still in love with that coat? What coat? It's been open to that same page for the last three days.
Oh, that's the centre page.
It opens there naturally.
- How long for the pancakes? - Just a few minutes.
Well l'll finish getting dressed.
Mother? Mother, I can't wear this coat.
Yes, you're right, Samantha.
The colour isn't very becoming to you.
Oh, that's perfect.
Mother.
I know, I know.
I don't understand, but I know.
I will have a mink coat when Darrin can afford it, and not before.
Well, by the time Darwin can afford a mink, mink will be extinct.
Now, be honest with yourself, Samantha.
Wouldn't you adore to have that coat? Well Wear it in good health.
Mother.
You take back this coat.
- Hi.
- Hi.
It's crazy, but I've been looking at that picture of that mink coat for so long, I could've sworn you were just wearing one.
Darrin would you like to tell me what's bothering you? I don't know, honey.
L I don't seem to be getting anywhere.
I've been doing pretty much the same job for the last three years and what have I accomplished? Sweetheart, I think you accomplished a great deal.
Like what? Well, look around you.
We're not exactly starving, you know.
Well, honey, I know we have most of the things we need but just having the things you need isn't everything.
I mean I'd like to buy you some things you haven't got.
I've got you.
That's the only thing I really want.
What about that fur coat? Oh, Darrin, I haven't heard you talk this way before.
Remember the new account I told you about? Waterhouse and Company? The one the agency's been trying to get for years? Yes.
Oh, don't tell me you lost it.
No, we got it all right.
The trouble is, I will not be handling it.
Well, did you talk to Larry? Larry's the one who told me about it.
Well, I know how you feel.
But maybe Well, maybe you're just in too much of a hurry to get to the top.
Remember, you're still young.
I'm young all right, but I won't always be young.
If that's Larry, tell him I'm on my way.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Louise.
Yeah, sure I'd like to hear some good news.
Larry told you wh Darrin's got the Waterhouse account? Oh, I can't wait to tell him.
Oh, well, all right.
If Larry wants to tell him himself, I understand.
I won't say a word.
It won't be easy, but I promise.
Oh.
Oh, I'd love to.
Yes, I'll do some shopping, and then I'll meet you for lunch.
Okay.
Bye.
- Who was it, honey? - Louise.
- What are you so happy about? - She wants me to meet her for lunch.
- Oh, boy.
Some life I've given you.
- What do you mean? A little thing like going out to lunch, and you're ecstatic.
I'm easy to please.
I'll just go change, and then I'll drive you to the office.
Honey, I'm a little late.
Only take a minute.
Darrin.
Larry, I want to speak to you about the Waterhouse account.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Well, I'm talking to you about it first.
Remember the Hoffsteddler-Douglas account? - Yes, but - Before I took over Hoffsteddler hadn't spoken to Douglas in 30 years.
- You did a fine job there, Darrin.
- Yes, I did.
And let's not overlook the Michael Sales Company account.
Before I took charge, they couldn't give away ice water in the middle of the Mojave Desert.
- A memorable job.
Yes, it was.
And don't change the subject.
Then there was the Pender Drug account, and Sheridan Cement.
All first class.
And all the others.
I haven't thought about hours or days off.
I've proved my loyalty and it's about time you gave me an unqualified vote of confidence.
Now, Larry, either I get that Waterhouse account or you get yourself a new boy.
- You got it.
I mean it, Larry.
I've got the Waterhouse account? That's what I wanted to tell you when you came in.
Yesterday you said I couldn't have the account because I was too immature.
What did I do, age overnight? I just thought it over, and this morning I changed my mind.
And Darrin, I know you'll do a great job.
- Good luck.
- Thanks, Larry.
You won't be sorry.
I still don't get it.
What made you change your mind? - Oh, it's the boss' prerogative.
- I'll buy that.
Boy, I can't wait to tell Sam.
I was tempted to tell her myself but I knew that you wanted that pleasure.
Oh, yeah.
When When did you see Samantha? Oh, just now.
Down in the parking lot.
There's a great little wife you've got there.
Has your every interest at heart.
She sure has.
She's got more confidence in me than I have in my Larry, you stopped and spoke to her? We chatted a while.
You chatted a while.
Yes.
Larry, I resign from the Waterhouse account.
You You resign? What are you talking about? I will not accept any job that my wife got for me.
You got this job because you're the best man for it.
That's not the point.
Any success I make l'm going to make on my own or not at all.
Samantha.
Now, you listen to me.
I have had it with your magic and spells.
Now be quiet.
I'm not finished yet.
I've had it up to here with all your witchcraft turning me into a werewolf, into a chimpanzee! I'm not through yet, Sam.
Just to prove that I have had it, I am going to blow this account.
Do you hear me? I'm gonna blow the account! What do you think of that? Is this 555-7328? Look, I'll have to make this fast.
Mr.
Waterhouse is outside.
Before you meet him, I want to brief you - I don't need any briefing.
- Darrin, Waterhouse is a very conservative man.
He's been making thumbtacks since 1888 and he doesn't go for this modern hoopla.
I don't know why he decided to change agencies and come with us but take a tip from me and play it sincere and conservative.
Betty, would you please ask Mr.
Waterhouse to come in here? Larry, you just leave everything to me.
Well, if it isn't old J.
P.
Waterhouse, thumbtack king of America.
Stephens is my name and advertising is my game.
Lay it on me, baby! Stephens? Is that the name of the man who's handling my account? Yes, Mr.
Waterhouse.
- This is Darrin Ste - You bet your bottom dollar l'm your boy.
But time's a-wasting.
Let's get down to brass tacks.
Brass tacks! I got a million of them.
All levity aside, Porterhouse.
Now, I've been looking at your advertising, and believe me some of your ideas went out with hoop skirts.
I mean, it's " Hey, you, kid with a wow-wow brush!" What Darrin means, Mr.
Waterhouse, is that some of your ideas could be brought into better focus Oh, no, no, Larry.
Larry, that isn't what I mean at all.
What I mean is, Waterhose, baby, you gotta get with it.
That TV commercial of yours where the executive comes in and he puts the poster up on the wall.
Oh, that has got to go.
But say what if you should take a cute little secretary and she comes into the boss' office and she's putting thumbtacks in the boss' drawer and one of those thumbtacks, it drops on the boss' chair.
The boss comes in, and he sits down.
That'll bring the TV viewer right out of his chair.
- Bring the boss out of his chair too.
- That's enough, Darrin! Hold it, Tate.
I'll talk to this boy.
Young man, you might as well know it now.
I don't like you.
I don't like your manner, I don't like your style, I don't like your attitude.
But I do like your ideas.
Stephens, I'm putting next year's entire campaign in your hands.
- You are? - Yes.
We've been advertising the same way for 30 years.
It's not working anymore.
That's why I changed agencies decided we have to keep things up-to-date.
Get to work on that campaign right away.
And remember one thing, gentlemen Waterhouse is my name and thumbtacks is my game.
He wants me.
Darrin, you must have somebody watching over you.
Larry, I just learned something.
- When a man can't lose, he can't win.
- Where are you going? - To a bar, to drown my sorrows.
- Drown your sorrows? You just landed a big account.
Well, let's just say I'm a sore winner.
Yeah, you came to the right guy for advice, Darrin.
I'm an expert.
I know everything about marriage.
That's why I'm still single.
I don't get it.
I'm married to a girl who can have anything in the whole world yet she chose me.
- Take my brother.
He's had four years of happy marriage.
The trouble is, he's been married for 16.
She must love me.
Gave up everything for me.
But obviously she misses all those luxuries.
Who can blame her? It all boils down to the old question.
Is there a life after marriage? She just didn't wanna hurt my pride.
Wants me to think that I'm the breadwinner.
Pretty soon the romance goes.
And, as the song says women get weary wearing the same shabby dress.
Well, then, that's the time to go out and buy her another shabby dress.
That's why she's doing it this way.
Instead of just wapping up a million dollars.
I guess I have been selfish forcing her to give up her witchhood, live on my salary.
- Poor little witch.
- You see, the thing to do is to try to keep the magic in your marriage.
I guess I'll just have to go along with her.
She's been a great wife.
Be my way of saying thanks.
Oh, listen, you're welcome.
Anytime, Darrin, old boy.
Anytime.
Oh, Darrin! Oh, it's It's beautiful.
Well, you shouldn't have.
Oh, but I'm glad you did.
Well, I can afford it.
Because you got the Waterhouse account? You guessed I would, huh? Well, you deserve it.
It's beautiful.
You like my gift, huh? Well, Darrin, you know what they say.
It isn't the gift, it's the thought that counts.
Oh, yes, of course I like it.
Sam, you could've wapped up a mink coat anytime you wanted.
Oh, darling, the important thing is that you gave it to me.
I guess I shouldn't have worried about getting that account.
After all, you said you had a strong feeling about it.
I have a strong feeling about you too.
Sam, what if I hadn't gotten the account? Oh, Darrin, I'd feel the same way if you were a total failure.
But you're not.
You're a success.
And you're gonna be an even bigger success.
- That's love.
- That's confidence.
How about a drink? Honey, did you ever hear that old saying: "Behind every successful man there's a woman"? - It does seem to ring a bell.
- Well, they ain't seen nothing yet.
Suddenly I have a tremendous feeling of power.
Why? Because nobody ever had a woman like you behind them.
Thank you.
Wow! Sweetheart, you better take your umbrella.
I'm sure it'll stop raining in a few minutes.
It's raining hard.
What makes you think so? Because I want it to.
- What? - I mean, I feel it will.
- Have a good day.
- I know I will.
My, you are Mr.
Confidence this morning.
I'm on a winning streak.
Darrin, it stopped.
Maybe you are on a winning streak.
Honey, there's an old gambler's expression.
When you're on a winning streak, ride it.
I'll see you tonight.
"I hope the above suggestions meet with your approval and I anxiously await your reply.
Yours very truly, et cetera, et cetera.
" Larry, it's a great day.
I bet if we left now, we could be on the golf course by noon.
Golf? You out of your mind? You better start thinking about that Waterhouse account.
- Don't need to.
I'm on a lucky streak.
Everything I do turns out all right.
Yeah? Well, I've yet to see luck replace hard work.
This is a very special lucky streak.
Oh, come off it, Darrin.
There's no such thing.
You want me to prove it? Let's see.
Betty, would you mind telling me where you were born? Why, Minneapolis.
- I bet you weren't.
- I beg your pardon? I said I bet you weren't born in Minneapolis.
Mr.
Stephens, it's right on my birth certificate.
Why don't you call up your mother now and find out.
Darrin, you're being ridiculous.
Would you like to bet me $10? - Make it $25.
- Good.
- Betty, call your mother.
- I know I was born in Come on, Betty.
Sit down.
Use my phone.
There is no such thing as a lucky streak.
Go on, Betty.
Hello, Mom.
How are you? Fine.
Mother, I have to ask you something that you might find a little strange.
I was born in Minneapolis, wasn't I? What? Where? Why? Are you sure? Mom, I know you were there too.
No, l I'm not distrusting your word, Mother, I Bye.
- Well? - I was born in Saint Paul.
Well, what about your birth certificate? It's wrong.
I was born while Mother was visiting in Saint Paul but the family doctor was from Minneapolis and that's where he registered my birth.
Twenty-five dollars, Larry.
Mr.
Tate, if it's all right with you, I think I need my lunch break now.
You go right ahead, Betty.
Betty, better take your umbrella.
It's going to rain.
Rain.
Come off it, Darrin.
There isn't a cloud in the sky.
Mr.
Tate, if it's all the same to you, I'll take the umbrella.
Good girl.
Now, if you can get your mind off your lucky streak I wanna tell you the first layout for Waterhouse has to be ready by the 15th.
And if I were you l'd get started on it right away, and not trust to luck.
I'll tell you, Sam.
I'm worried about him.
I thought I better tell you before he got home.
Tell me what? He's suddenly convinced himself that he's infallible.
He's been going around making the craziest bets.
He thinks he has some sort of strange power.
Well, that doesn't sound like Darrin.
Larry, are you sure you're not exaggerating? He just wanted to bet me he could make the sun come out at midnight.
You're not exaggerating.
When did all this start? I noticed him behaving strangely when I told him he had the Waterhouse account.
He shouted something about not having his life run by his wife.
You don't think he's on the verge of a nerv ous breakdown? No.
No, no, Larry.
I don't think that's what he's on the verge of.
Then why is he acting as if he had a charmed life? Well, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
I'm sure by tomorrow he'll be back to normal.
Bye.
He didn't even ask me if I'd used witchcraft.
He tried me, judged me and sentenced me without even giving me a chance to defend myself.
It reminds me of the old days in Salem.
As a matter of fact, he even looks like the judge who sentenced your poor Aunt Agnes to the stake.
- Oh, Mother.
How could he doubt me? How could he think he'd gotten that job through witchcraft? Please give him credit for having the sense to realize that he didn't get it because of his brains.
There's only one thing to do.
- Teach him a lesson.
- Excellent.
Now, that is excellent.
Why not turn him into a dinosaur? Or a salamander? Or perhaps you No.
No, mother.
I'm gonna do it my way.
Well, all right, dear.
But don't overlook the dinosaur.
The neighbours might get quite a kick out of it.
I have a better idea.
- Honey, I'm ho - Good evening, sir.
Madam will be down presently.
Samantha! Saman - Hi, darling.
- What have you done? - You noticed, huh? - Noticed? How can you miss the Taj Mahal? Well, Darrin, I'll be honest with you.
I found out that you found out about my little plan.
Well, you know.
My giving you a charmed life.
- You did, huh? - Yes.
And it was sweet of you to go along with it.
Anyway, since you decided to go along with it I thought we might as well be completely honest with each other.
L - Two very dry martinis, Charles.
- Right away, madam.
You'll simply adore Charles.
He's in charge of the rest of the staff.
What staff? The upstairs maid, the chef and your valet.
Now, where was I? We were just being completely honest with each other.
Yes, of course.
Since you found out about my scheme and you didn't seem to have any objections, I thought it was silly to be devious any longer.
That makes sense, doesn't it? I suppose so.
Good.
Now, in the future if we need anything, I'll just zap it up.
Oh, Darrin, it'll be so marvellous.
I'll be able to give you anything you want.
Thank you, Charles.
Your dinner clothes are all laid out for you, sir.
Sir? All right, sweetheart, here's to your success.
- What's the matter? - I can't swallow this.
But Charles makes the best martinis in the whole world.
No, I mean this.
It's no good, Sam.
I can't live this way.
Look, I sympathize with you wanting all these things but, well, you're gonna have to make a choice.
It's either me or this.
Don't you think you're being unreasonable? I will not be helped by witchcraft.
You didn't seem to mind when it got you the Waterhouse account.
- That was different.
I did that for you.
- The Pender Drug account six months ago? - You got me that too? And the Cushman Furniture account.
And the carpet account.
Hold it! There's only one thing that got me that account, and that was me.
I showed them how to increase their business by 39.
2 percent in the first fiscal year.
And the Sheridan Cement account.
Sheridan Cement? There was no witchcraft there.
I knew more about Sheridan Cement than Sheridan did.
It's about time you found out there are some things in this world like talent, ability and hard work that will not be replaced by witchcraft.
You forgot one thing.
What? - Faith.
- Faith? Faith in the person closest to you.
Faith enough to know that when a promise is made, it's going to be kept.
You didn't get me the Waterhouse account? You didn't stop the rain? And you didn't change Betty's birthplace? I'm not sure, but I don't even think that's legal.
I thought Darrin, all you had to do was ask me.
One more question.
Could you possibly spend the rest of your life with a big dumb-head who promises never to jump to conclusions again? You just talked me into it.
You know, it's amazing how many things I guessed right yesterday.
You don't suppose I do have some special power, do you? Oh, now, Darrin, don't let a few lucky coincidences go to your head.
You better take your umbrella.
No, I won't need my umbrella or my coat.
- But it's pouring.
- It'll stop in a few seconds.
I'm running a little test.
Bye, honey.
- Convinced? - Convinced.