Batman (1966) s02e40 Episode Script

It's 11 a.
m and the graduating class at Aaron Burr High School has a very special speaker.
But the one thing you must remember as you go out into the world to face the challenge of higher education in our great universities is always to obey the law and support your local police.
Good citizenship is its own reward.
There he is, Pussycat.
Do your duty.
He's kind of cute.
Say, Why'd you get me involved in this anyway, Catwoman? Well, Batman has his protégé and you're mine.
But I'm just a rock 'n' roll singer.
I'm not a crook.
Oh, forget it.
You're 20 years old.
You're over the hill.
Now, you just do as I tell you and scratch a way into his heart.
Uh, excuse me.
Can I help you, miss? My name is Pussycat.
And I wanna be alone with you, Robin.
Alone with me? But why? I can see a very important part of your education has been grossly neglected.
That's a funny-looking outfit you're wearing.
I could say the same for you, big boy.
Anything in particular you want'? Only you, Boy Wonder.
She's done it.
Now, let's see if cataphrenic really works.
Hello, baby.
You're a real cute trick.
- It works.
-Yeah.
Ha-ha.
Ooh.
Hey, fellas, there's Chief O'Hara.
Look out.
Hello there, Boy Wonder.
Oh, who's your friend? - What's it to you, fella? -What? Get out of my way, or I'll give you a fat lip.
What have you done to him, you little banshee? Come on, gorgeous.
Frankly, I'm worried.
Yes, commissioner.
I don't know how to tell you this, Batman, but Robin-- Don't mince words, commissioner.
I can take it.
Well, Robin attacked Chief O'Hara today at the high school.
Why would he do that? What was his reason? - He escaped before we could learn anything.
- And Chief O'Hara? Well, he had the wind knocked out of him, but he's recovered.
I'll be right there.
It was as though the devil had taken him.
He was trifling with some little red-headed girl and he answered my greeting by tripping me.
Who could have put him up to such a dastardly deed? Chief O'Hara, had you ever seen this titian-haired wench before? - Never.
- Mm.
It could be we have a new villainess to wreak havoc on Gotham City.
Well, now, that's hard to say, Caped Crusader.
She couldn't have been more than 18, give or take four years.
Kind of young for crime business.
In today's rapidly changing world, one never knows.
You can say that again.
Before we set brain and sinew to this perplexing case let's review all the facts.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Manor - Alfred? -Yes, madam? I know I shouldn't ask you this but why am I not allowed in Bruce's study? Uh, well, madam every man likes to have someplace that is, uh, a sanctuary.
Far away from the, uh, if you pardon the expression, opposite sex.
Now, uh, for those less fortunate than Mr.
Wayne, it's the barbershop.
For him, his study.
A masculine retreat far from the threat of female encroachment.
- Oh.
-Stay right where you are and don't make a move.
Robin, tie them up.
Mercy alive.
What's Robin doing with Catwoman? Same thought crossed my mind, madam.
You-- You-- Shut up, old man.
Ha-ha.
Ooh.
Never thought the day would come when Robin would be my sycophant did you? Oh, dear, is there anything left to believe in? - All done, Catwoman.
-Good.
Go help the boys blow the safe.
What have you done to him? You-- You-- You-- He's under the influence of cataphrenic.
A drug which reverses all the normal moral and ethical standards and causes a person to become the exact opposite of what he was before.
So now he's just as pro-crime as formerly he was anti? Exactly.
Now, my next move is to put Batman in the same condition.
Stick with me, sweetheart.
We're going places together.
As soon as we get enough cash, we'll lay low across the border.
Forget it.
All this is working capital.
We got a much bigger job to pull.
- You're the boss, Catwoman.
-Yup.
What's wrong? I don't know.
I feel dizzy.
L Ah Probably a negative side effect from the drug.
It should wear off in a couple hours.
Spade, Marlow, Templar, take him and get out of here.
Never mind.
Give me.
- Hello? -Oh, I'm so glad I found you, sir.
Master Robin was just here with-- - With Catwoman.
- Catwoman? - Catwoman? -Catwoman? Yes, sir.
They proceeded to rob the wall safe of the housekeeping money.
Two-hundred thousand dollars.
Worst of all, sir, Master Robin didn't recognize me.
He's under the influence of some drug that, uh, makes him, well, sir, quite a bully.
It also causes amnesia and fainting spells.
Mm-hm.
It appears she has the power to cloud men's minds.
Stay right where you are.
Yeah.
Commissioner it's worse than we thought.
Where's Robin? Sleeping it off in the other room, Catwoman.
He seems sort of fuzzy since we got back from Wayne Manor.
Oh.
Well, we just won't take him on any of our jobs.
But as long as he's on our side, even in spirit, that'll keep Batman at a safe distance.
What are you doing, Pussycat? I bought one of those background music records.
Music? I just wanna hear how I sound.
Marlow and Spade and Templar they've generously consented to be my test audience.
I told you to forget about music.
Now, either you're gonna be a singer, or you're gonna be an arch-criminal.
- You can't be both.
-Do I have a choice? No.
You're too short.
Anyway, you had your choice and you took it when I picked you out of that, uh, Milk Shake A Go-Go on the Sunset Strip.
Ah, the Milk Shake A Go-Go.
Sunset Strip.
All right, sing.
But I won't listen.
Forget your past flings.
Along the sand Let's walk the shores together now Yes, hand in hand It's gonna be fair weather now When the stars come out Stop to count them in the sky Warm California nights With the breeze blowing in Time for love to begin I would miss California nights If I went on my way Thinking now that I'll stay Ooh, baby Love you, baby Mm, baby Love California nights Always close as a kiss Nothing's sweeter than this And we'll spend California nights Enough.
No more.
Quiet.
Nobody gets more applause than Catwoman.
Ahem.
That was very nice.
- Have you gotten it out of your system? -For the time being.
All right, we can concentrate on the problems at hand.
- Which are? -We need another $800,000.
And Batman.
In that order.
Batman? I thought you said we'd be in the clear with Batman as long as we have Robin.
Well, I want more.
I want Batman in my corner.
Once we get him on our side, there'll be no end to our criminal activities.
That's a tall order, Catwoman.
About 6-foot-2.
Well, I can do it.
The first item on the agenda is a phone call to the commissioner.
Pussycat, bring me the telephone.
Oh.
- Put her on my private line, please.
- Yes, sir.
What do you want, Catwoman? Plug me into the Batphone, if you know what's good for you.
Now, look here, what do you think this is anyway? Stop fumfering and be quick about it.
- Yes, commissioner? -I have a call for you, Batman.
Hello, Batman.
How are you feeling? I know you didn't call to ask about my health, Catwoman.
What have you done to Robin? He's safe, as long as you do as I say.
- Go on.
- I plan to commit a series of robberies.
Why are you telling me? Because if you or the police do anything to stop me I'll have Robin killed instantly.
Catwoman I find you to be odious, abhorrent and insegrevious.
Dealing with you has expanded my vocabulary, increased my word power, uh a whole lot.
Now, if we could meet on neutral ground I'm sure we could come to a complete agreement.
Don't do it, Batman.
It's a trap.
Are you listening, Commissioner Gordon? Tut-tut-tut.
Don't you know that that's illegal? Ha-ha-ha.
No deal, Catwoman.
All right.
It's curtains for Robin.
La-di-da-di-da-la-la.
Dreadfully sorry, Batman, but I could scarcely contain myself.
It's all right, commissioner.
I understand.
I must handle this in my own way.
Don't be shocked by anything that happens and under no circumstances make any attempt to capture her.
It may mean Robin's life.
Why are we only stealing cash? Because, my dear Pussycat, I must raise $1 million in small bills to purchase plans of the Gotham City Mint.
The mint? Wow.
You always did think big, Catwoman.
Why not? Hm.
I'd get the same prison term for knocking over a hot-dog stand.
When you're a 12-time loser it doesn't make much difference what you steal.
Go see if Robin's ready to move.
How much? - Only a hundred thou, Catwoman.
-Oh.
Add it to the 2 we got from stately Wayne Manor and we're still 700 thou short of our goal.
Well there are a couple of people around town who are known to keep large sums of money.
We'll have to hit them for that.
Robin is dead to the world.
I had to put a mirror to his mouth to see if he was still breathing.
Ah, probably gave him an overdose.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Come on, tabbies.
Pussycat, guard the money.
NARRATOR".
And in the decrepit loft apartment of the world's richest and cheapest inventor, Pat Pending Rudy, I've got it.
Ha-ha! I perfected the formula for our universal solvent.
Oh, that's real good, Mr.
Pending.
- But what are you going to keep it in? -What? If it's really a universal solvent, it'll go right through every container.
By George, you're right.
- Yes.
-I never thought of that.
And you can give up any thoughts about your perpetual-motion machine.
Never.
It'll be a boon to humanity.
No, it won't.
It'll put millions of people out of work.
What happens when parts don't need to be replaced anymore? Think of the machinists and lathe operators and folks like that who'd be on the breadline.
Rudy, besides being a good valet, you're a genius.
Thanks, Mr.
Pending.
Well, at least I still have one thing.
My money- I don't know, Mr.
Pending.
Sometimes I think your money would be safer in a bank.
Sometimes, Rudy, you're too negative.
You heard the news on the radio.
Was that money in the bank safe from Catwoman, huh? Here on the 10th floor of this old warehouse, we've got the best bank of all my mattress.
Get them.
Any stocks or bonds missing? No, no.
I woke up when they were gathering the money.
Catwoman specifically indicated cash.
My cash.
Said her contact demanded small bills only.
Did she have anything else to say about her contact? Mentioned something about a prince getting weighed.
Whatever that means.
A prince getting weighed.
Huh.
Do you know what? I think I've got it.
Tomorrow morning, Prince Ibn Kereb of Gedallia has his annual weighing-in ceremony in his embassy ballroom.
- It was in this morning's paper.
-Of course.
They weigh the prince on one side of a scale and they pour paper money on the other side.
- Yes.
-I read it too.
And when the weight of the money equals the prince's weight they turn it all over to the orphans of the country.
Fantastic.
Let's go.
We must notify Batman.
- You bet, commissioner.
To the elevator.
- Yes.
NARRATOR".
And the next morning, Prince Ibn Kereb is getting weighed.
This is a surprise attack.
Now, you all have your instructions.
- None of us have watches.
-Ah-- Just get the money and run.
- How are you feeling, Robin? -Hm.
Mm, perfect.
You're learning.
Get the loot, Robin.
Everyone else, freeze.
Don't do it, Robin.
She's got you under her spell, Robin.
Who's the character in the ridiculous costume? Ha-ha! That's Batman.
Don't you recognize me, Robin? What a dastardly development this is.
Stay out of this, men.
I'd rather do it myself.
Oh, my money! My money! Hey, stop them! Stop them! Oh, the money.
- My money! That is my money! -Shut up.
- Allah! Oh, my money.
Ha-ha.
Now that I have dispensed with your men, Catwoman your turn has come.
Not yet, Batman.
- Robin? -Yeah.
Ha.
Slay the blue dragon.
Groovy.
Oh, no.
Heh.
Oh, yes.
Come on, cats.
Everyone into my Catillac.
NARRATOR".
Across the bridge in New Guernsey lies the Catlair West.
Ah, Batman's on my trail.
I can feel it in my whiskers.
Well, we'll have to get ready.
Wake up.
Uh Get me the electric cattle prods.
Yeah.
And turn them up full volume.
Oh, boy, is he in for a shock.
Commissioner Gordon, I seem to have found a second Catlair.
This could be a trap, but I'll have to chance it.
Robin's life is at stake.
Of course I'll call you.
Holy nick of time.
Am I glad you showed up.
Good boy, Robin.
You've been playing possum.
And all the time I thought you'd become a turncape.
Oh.
Oh.
Ha-ha-ha.
Would I do that to you, huh, Batman baby? Great Scott.
I-- Batman.
If you agree to help me, I'll let you up.
If not Robin will cut the rope, the steel bar will snap and you'll be divided into equal parts.
In other words, heh you'll be beside yourself.
I'll never be your partner, Catwoman.
Oh.
Ho-hum.
Boy Wonder, start cutting.