Phineas and Ferb s02e45 Episode Script
Ain't No Kiddie Ride (15 min)
by ashirogi27 Hurry, Mom! You're nobody unless you're somebody in Glosstacular lipstick! All right, Candace.
At least let me stop the car.
I'm nobody unless I'm somebody.
I'm nobody unless I'm somebody! I want you boys to pick out some nice back-to-school clothes.
Wow, that was fast.
Well, we do have a signature look.
Although, Perry's mixing it up a bit.
Cute.
Okay, here's some quarters for the arcade.
I'm gonna see what's keeping your sister.
Okay.
See you later, Mom.
With this many quarters, we can play 72 straight hours ofâ Hey, check it out.
This was my favorite ride when I was little.
Better enjoy it while you can, boys.
These old fellows are pretty worn out.
I'll be back in a little while to haul them away.
What a shame.
I wonder if they're still as much fun as they used to be.
You know, in retrospect, I may have over-romanticized those memories.
But, I'll bet with a little effort and some unstable uranium isotopes, we could make them that much fun.
Ferb, I know what we're gonnaâ Hey, where's Perry? Oh, get with the beat.
You're messing up my score.
Carl, are you sure I don't have any more clean uniforms? That's the last one, sir.
I mean, seriously.
I'm growing mushrooms under here.
I don't smell too bad, do I? I can't smell a thing.
Well, that's a relief.
I thought maybe I wasâ No.
No, I can't smell a thing, sir.
I have no sense of smell.
Really? I was born without nostrils, sir.
Oh.
I thought you were joking about that on your resume.
Ah, Agent P.
Uh, just give me a few seconds.
Dr.
Doofenshmirtz has been buying up every can of aerosol deodorant in the Tri-State Area.
And I'm starting to smell like a science-fiction convention.
We need you to find out what he's doing with all those aerosol spray cans and put a stop to it.
Good luck, Agent P.
Doofenshmirtz walks to the diner! I just called in a to-go order for Doofenshmirtz.
Hey, Vic? You got an order for Doofyberg? No, no, no.
Doofenshmirtz.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Surely you've heard of me.
Okay, order for Hans Doofensmith.
Is that right? No, Doofenshmirtz.
Doofenâ M-My brother is the mayor.
Roger Doofenshmirtz is your brother? Yes, Doofenshmirtz.
And your name is? Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Do we have an order for a Hans Doofenblatz? Ugh! Mark my words.
You will remember the name of Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Hm! Could I still get my whole wheat on rye? Sure, what's your name? All done.
Hey, Phineas.
What'cha doin'? Oh, hey, Isabella.
Hey, losers.
Oh, hey, guys.
Don't tell me you're playing with that lame kiddie ride.
We've tricked it out.
And now it's pretty awesome.
I'll be the judge of that.
Step aside.
This better be worth a quarter.
Ooh.
This is so exciting.
Let me catch my breath.
What is not to like? It has what every kid loves, rocking back-and-forth, and slowness.
May I suggest pressing that red button? Ooh, can I? So, what do you think? I got it.
Woo-hoo-hoo! This is awesome! Ah, Perry the Platypus.
How predictable.
And by predictable, I mean completely dictable, I guess.
Uh Anyway Oh, don't bother trying to escape.
The walls are made of a super-slick alloy and treated with a few dozen coats of non-stick cooking spray.
I'm sure you've noticed my impressive collection of aerosol spray cans.
Every can of aerosol deodorant, hair spray and bug repellent from the Tri-State area.
All mine.
I'm tapping into their ozone-depleting propellants to fuel my latest evil scheme The Aerosol-Propelled Ozone Deplete-inator! The citizens of Danville will definitely learn the name of Heinz Doofenshmirtz, when I spell it out in the sky in hundred-foot-tall letters made of atmosphere-destroying aerosol gasses, thereby depleting the protective ozone layer.
And the resulting radiation will burn my name right through town.
Then, they'll remember.
And if they don't, they can just look outside.
I need a little drink of water after a tirade like that.
Ah, Glosstacular lipstick! Now, I can blow up a bounce house and my lips would still be shiny! I bet Phineas and Ferb are behind this.
Wow, that was fun.
I've got you this time.
And to make sure this doesn't disappear, I'm going to sit here on the evidence 'till Mom comes back.
This is gonna be worth a quarter.
Help me! Hang on, Candace, we're right behind you! Good thing we tricked out the other rides.
Come on! (Song: Ain't No Kiddie Ride) Ooh Phineas! Whoaa! Hang on, Candace! We're coming! Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Well, the way things look can give the wrong impression But if you adjust the torque and check the valve compression Well, you would be advised and realize that the old cliché is true You can't judge a book by the way it looks Boy, the truth is up to you Like Jekyll and Hyde appearances aside Ain't no kiddie ride (Ooh) Ain't no kiddie ride, yeah (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Ain't no kiddie ride (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Nuts.
Lost her in the skyline.
Isabella, we need you to get us an aerial view.
Sure, Phineas.
Whee! Well, what do you know? Nostradamus was right.
Wow.
She just flew through a barn and her lips are still shiny.
Oh, my friends! It appears that I am out of fuel.
No, Baljeet.
Just put in another quarter.
But, all I have is a dollar.
Oh.
What do you know.
Hm.
Oh, come on! Ah, water.
It's like drinking wet air.
Now, Perry the Platypus, sit back and listen as the entire Tri-State Area, screams the name Heinz Doofenshmirtz and never forgets it again! Hold it right there, Perry the Platypus.
Ugh! Uh-oh.
Phineas, help, I'm falling! Just put in another quarter! I don't have another quarter! Hey, nice move, Perry the Platypus.
I got to hand it to you.
Here, let me give you a hand.
Hey, hey.
I'm gonna crush you with my big mechanical hand.
Ha! Well, IâI guess that one was just literal.
But, I've got you now.
Wow.
Nostradamus was right.
Ugh! Ow! You know, I don't come to your house andâ Wait.
This doesn't have any chlorofluorocarbons in it at all! Theseâ These aerosol cans are completely harmless! Whatâ What was I thinking? Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Okay.
I got her.
Yee-haw! Good work, everybody.
Let's bring it on back to the store.
Well, it looks like you made it back in one piece.
You guys are gonna be so busted when I show Mom what you did to those kiddie rides.
Oh, there you are, Perry.
All right, one side, kids.
We're replacing these old rides with brand-new identical ones.
With special emphasis on the identical.
See 'ya.
Bye, now.
Well, that was fun.
Maybe tomorrow we can soup up our old bikes.
Lame.
That's what you said about the kiddie rides.
And I was right.
Until I wasn't.
Here it is, Mom.
I'll show you.
If you'll just give me a quarter, please.
Aren't you a little old for kiddie rides? No.
No, I'm not! Check it out! Well I guess it does have rocking back-and-forth and slowness.
Okay, dollar.
This is your last chance.
Well, the way things look can give the wrong impression But if you adjust the torque and check the valve compression Well, you would be advised and realize that the old cliché is true You can't judge a book by the way it looks Boy, the truth is up to you Like Jekyll and Hyde appearances aside Ain't no kiddie ride
At least let me stop the car.
I'm nobody unless I'm somebody.
I'm nobody unless I'm somebody! I want you boys to pick out some nice back-to-school clothes.
Wow, that was fast.
Well, we do have a signature look.
Although, Perry's mixing it up a bit.
Cute.
Okay, here's some quarters for the arcade.
I'm gonna see what's keeping your sister.
Okay.
See you later, Mom.
With this many quarters, we can play 72 straight hours ofâ Hey, check it out.
This was my favorite ride when I was little.
Better enjoy it while you can, boys.
These old fellows are pretty worn out.
I'll be back in a little while to haul them away.
What a shame.
I wonder if they're still as much fun as they used to be.
You know, in retrospect, I may have over-romanticized those memories.
But, I'll bet with a little effort and some unstable uranium isotopes, we could make them that much fun.
Ferb, I know what we're gonnaâ Hey, where's Perry? Oh, get with the beat.
You're messing up my score.
Carl, are you sure I don't have any more clean uniforms? That's the last one, sir.
I mean, seriously.
I'm growing mushrooms under here.
I don't smell too bad, do I? I can't smell a thing.
Well, that's a relief.
I thought maybe I wasâ No.
No, I can't smell a thing, sir.
I have no sense of smell.
Really? I was born without nostrils, sir.
Oh.
I thought you were joking about that on your resume.
Ah, Agent P.
Uh, just give me a few seconds.
Dr.
Doofenshmirtz has been buying up every can of aerosol deodorant in the Tri-State Area.
And I'm starting to smell like a science-fiction convention.
We need you to find out what he's doing with all those aerosol spray cans and put a stop to it.
Good luck, Agent P.
Doofenshmirtz walks to the diner! I just called in a to-go order for Doofenshmirtz.
Hey, Vic? You got an order for Doofyberg? No, no, no.
Doofenshmirtz.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Surely you've heard of me.
Okay, order for Hans Doofensmith.
Is that right? No, Doofenshmirtz.
Doofenâ M-My brother is the mayor.
Roger Doofenshmirtz is your brother? Yes, Doofenshmirtz.
And your name is? Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Do we have an order for a Hans Doofenblatz? Ugh! Mark my words.
You will remember the name of Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Hm! Could I still get my whole wheat on rye? Sure, what's your name? All done.
Hey, Phineas.
What'cha doin'? Oh, hey, Isabella.
Hey, losers.
Oh, hey, guys.
Don't tell me you're playing with that lame kiddie ride.
We've tricked it out.
And now it's pretty awesome.
I'll be the judge of that.
Step aside.
This better be worth a quarter.
Ooh.
This is so exciting.
Let me catch my breath.
What is not to like? It has what every kid loves, rocking back-and-forth, and slowness.
May I suggest pressing that red button? Ooh, can I? So, what do you think? I got it.
Woo-hoo-hoo! This is awesome! Ah, Perry the Platypus.
How predictable.
And by predictable, I mean completely dictable, I guess.
Uh Anyway Oh, don't bother trying to escape.
The walls are made of a super-slick alloy and treated with a few dozen coats of non-stick cooking spray.
I'm sure you've noticed my impressive collection of aerosol spray cans.
Every can of aerosol deodorant, hair spray and bug repellent from the Tri-State area.
All mine.
I'm tapping into their ozone-depleting propellants to fuel my latest evil scheme The Aerosol-Propelled Ozone Deplete-inator! The citizens of Danville will definitely learn the name of Heinz Doofenshmirtz, when I spell it out in the sky in hundred-foot-tall letters made of atmosphere-destroying aerosol gasses, thereby depleting the protective ozone layer.
And the resulting radiation will burn my name right through town.
Then, they'll remember.
And if they don't, they can just look outside.
I need a little drink of water after a tirade like that.
Ah, Glosstacular lipstick! Now, I can blow up a bounce house and my lips would still be shiny! I bet Phineas and Ferb are behind this.
Wow, that was fun.
I've got you this time.
And to make sure this doesn't disappear, I'm going to sit here on the evidence 'till Mom comes back.
This is gonna be worth a quarter.
Help me! Hang on, Candace, we're right behind you! Good thing we tricked out the other rides.
Come on! (Song: Ain't No Kiddie Ride) Ooh Phineas! Whoaa! Hang on, Candace! We're coming! Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Well, the way things look can give the wrong impression But if you adjust the torque and check the valve compression Well, you would be advised and realize that the old cliché is true You can't judge a book by the way it looks Boy, the truth is up to you Like Jekyll and Hyde appearances aside Ain't no kiddie ride (Ooh) Ain't no kiddie ride, yeah (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Ain't no kiddie ride (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Nuts.
Lost her in the skyline.
Isabella, we need you to get us an aerial view.
Sure, Phineas.
Whee! Well, what do you know? Nostradamus was right.
Wow.
She just flew through a barn and her lips are still shiny.
Oh, my friends! It appears that I am out of fuel.
No, Baljeet.
Just put in another quarter.
But, all I have is a dollar.
Oh.
What do you know.
Hm.
Oh, come on! Ah, water.
It's like drinking wet air.
Now, Perry the Platypus, sit back and listen as the entire Tri-State Area, screams the name Heinz Doofenshmirtz and never forgets it again! Hold it right there, Perry the Platypus.
Ugh! Uh-oh.
Phineas, help, I'm falling! Just put in another quarter! I don't have another quarter! Hey, nice move, Perry the Platypus.
I got to hand it to you.
Here, let me give you a hand.
Hey, hey.
I'm gonna crush you with my big mechanical hand.
Ha! Well, IâI guess that one was just literal.
But, I've got you now.
Wow.
Nostradamus was right.
Ugh! Ow! You know, I don't come to your house andâ Wait.
This doesn't have any chlorofluorocarbons in it at all! Theseâ These aerosol cans are completely harmless! Whatâ What was I thinking? Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Okay.
I got her.
Yee-haw! Good work, everybody.
Let's bring it on back to the store.
Well, it looks like you made it back in one piece.
You guys are gonna be so busted when I show Mom what you did to those kiddie rides.
Oh, there you are, Perry.
All right, one side, kids.
We're replacing these old rides with brand-new identical ones.
With special emphasis on the identical.
See 'ya.
Bye, now.
Well, that was fun.
Maybe tomorrow we can soup up our old bikes.
Lame.
That's what you said about the kiddie rides.
And I was right.
Until I wasn't.
Here it is, Mom.
I'll show you.
If you'll just give me a quarter, please.
Aren't you a little old for kiddie rides? No.
No, I'm not! Check it out! Well I guess it does have rocking back-and-forth and slowness.
Okay, dollar.
This is your last chance.
Well, the way things look can give the wrong impression But if you adjust the torque and check the valve compression Well, you would be advised and realize that the old cliché is true You can't judge a book by the way it looks Boy, the truth is up to you Like Jekyll and Hyde appearances aside Ain't no kiddie ride