The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s02e49 Episode Script

1
Ghostbusters ♪
There's something strange
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you going to call? ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
There's something weird
And it don't look good ♪
Who you going to call? ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Who you going to call? ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
Who you going to call? ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
And now, ladies and gentleman,
presenting the king of Tahiti,
the extremely honorable,
Dr. Peter Venkman.
Hail to Venkman! We love Venkman!
What would Tahiti be without Venkman?
Tahiti would be disgusting.
It really would be a drag
for all you Tahitians.
Hello, may I help you?
OK, sire, here's your big question
for 300 points and that trip to France!
What is the capital of South Dakota?
Bismarck.
No, Fargo!
No way!
Whoa!
Even in my dreams,
I want a vacation.
It's Bismarck,
I got some cousins there.
Well, they're probably living
in Fargo and don't know it.
Really, Winston, you should
admit you're wrong. Be mature.
I don't want to be mature,
I want to be right!
Given their usual behavior,
it's hard to be sure,
but I suspect that Ray and Winston
have gone thoroughly cuckoo.
If you'd managed to
get your glands active before high noon,
you'd know that
this has been going on for months.
You mean to tell me that this happens
to their brains every morning?
Every morning, Peter.
Remember, primitive behavior lurks
beneath the surface
of every civilized human.
Take the dinette, you moron!
There's money under the plates!
Dinette! Dinette! Dinette!
I'm sorry, Mr. Todd,
the real prize was the dinette.
There's money under the plates!
Well, they were right.
They're almost always right.
They've developed quite a knack.
Hmm, where's today's paper?
Ah. "Game show contestants wanted
for exciting new contest.
Big prizes, exclamation point.
Including all-expenses-paid
dream vacation to Tahiti!"
Egon, how long has it been
since you've been on vacation.
Do filing fungus samples count?
Not to be presumptuous, Egon,
but I think something's wrong
with your machine.
Hey, can we hurry, guys?
I'm gonna miss
"Celebrity Bowling for Bucks."
Don't worry,
they probably need a vacation, too.
OK, animals, listen up!
We're gonna do this quick!
Any slackers will be dropped.
Too many questions will not be tolerated.
So don't make me mad
and you'll all be
happy little contestants.
Contestants?
I'm a scientist. I'm formally educated.
These normal people don't stand a chance.
Winston,
I think we have a moral obligation
to teach these droids a lesson.
We'll wipe the floor with them.
By the way, what is this game called?
"Race the Devil." Catchy, huh?
This is going to be round-robin.
When I call your name, be here!
But before we start the fun,
let's all welcome
the emcee of Race the Devil,
Dib Devlin!
As you know,
this is our elimination round,
at which we'll select the two contestants
to appear
on the premiere episode of our game.
First up, Mr. and Mrs. Todd.
Chomping at the bit, aren't they?
And Raymond Stanz and Winston Zeddemore.
Here's the toss-up question.
Who is the slowest
of the seven deadly sins?
I know that one!
It's Sleepy, Dib!
-Oh, spare me!
-Geez!
I'm sorry, Mr. Todd, but you've got
the wrong seven little characters.
Guys, answer the question
and advance to the next round.
Uh, the answer is sloth, Dib.
Correct! And the round goes to
Misters Stanz and Zeddemore.
Peter, something is just
not quite right here.
Well, here we are.
Misters Stanz and Zeddemore
against the Glick brothers,
Bill and Bob, in the final round.
Whoever correctly answers this question
will go on to be
the first contestants on Race the Devil,
with a chance to win a fabulous
all-expense-paid trip for four to Tahiti!
Let's do it!
Contestants, here's the toss-up question.
Give me two additional names for
Yeah, yeah?
the devil!
Mr. Stantz.
How about Mephistopheles,
- the Prince of Darkness
- Correct!
-You're
-Beelzebub, Apollyon, Satan, Lucifer,
Diablo, Old Gooseberry,
Old Nick, Old Scratch
Ray, we won.
Mr. Stantz, you've won!
Please stop answering the question.
Oh! OK.
Egon, Egon, Egon! We're going to Tahiti!
No more summer
sitting on the roof looking for the sun!
Peter, did you notice
how all the questions
related to the devil and his minions?
Hey, come to think of it.
Sign these and you'll be
the premiere contestants
on Race the Devil.
Red ink?
Trust me, quickly please.
It's almost midnight.
Why is midnight so important?
Uh, I don't want to pay Marcia overtime.
Shouldn't I read this first?
No!
It's a standard release form.
Everybody signs one. Even me.
Egon, I've seen that look before.
That's either horrified realization
or your pizza's coming up.
Hiyah!
Egon, this is not a normal game show host.
Sorry, Ray. I just now figured it out.
Dib Devlin, Dib as in dybbuk,
an evil spirit and Devlin
A proper Irish name
derived from the word
Devil!
And you've signed up for my new game show.
And if you lose this one, fellas,
you lose your souls!
I have sold my soul to the devil.
I have sold my soul to the devil.
I have sold my soul to the devil.
Actually, Winston, Dib is a minor demon,
not the devil, per se.
I have sold my soul to a minor demon.
I have sold my soul to a minor demon.
Not yet. You still have a way out.
You and Ray
simply have to win his game show.
According to my data,
the odds are only
666 million to one, against us.
See, I told you you had a chance.
Listen, what if we just don't show up?
Nice trick.
Hey, at least we've got good seats.
Welcome everyone,
it's time to play Race the Devil.
Or as we like to call it,
"You Bet Your Afterlife."
Let's welcome our contestants.
Winston Zeddemore is an
evil spirit control worker from New York.
His hobbies include
music and biblical studies.
And Dr. Ray Stantz,
a noted para-psychologist
with multiple degrees.
Ray hopes one day, to win a Nobel prize.
And these two are none other than
our contestants' best friends.
In fact, it was Dr. Peter Venkman's desire
for a tropical vacation
that sucked his friends
into this cruel predicament.
And now,
let's play our first of three rounds.
What a great way to start our game.
It's "Dib's Choice."
This isn't fair.
I doubt that there are any rules
to this game at all, Winston.
"Dib's Choice" is a three parter.
This first little contest is my favorite.
And I doubt you'll go any further.
I'm sure you remember playing this
when you were kids.
It's called "Spikes".
-"Spikes?" I never played "Spikes."
-You ever played "Spikes", man?
Whoa!
I don't remember playing this.
My lovely assistant, Marcia,
stands before a single word, 20 letters.
Mr. Zeddemore will have
three chances to guess the word.
Every time he misses,
Mr. Stantz loses a stick.
It's all up to you, Mr. Zeddemore.
No help from your friends
and only three guesses.
Your first guess, please.
Uh, are there any I's?
Whoa!
Hang in there, Winston,
don't lose your cool!
That's one down
and two to go, Mr. Zeddemore.
Guess again.
Uh, any O's?
Not a single one.
Whoa!
Yeesh! Just stay calm, Winston!
Last chance, Mr. Zeddemore.
Um
Your choice, Mr. Zeddemore.
Yeeeeerrrrrrrgggghhh!
Whoa! Oof!
Beginner's luck.
The game is far from over, boys.
I'm tired of being a minor demon.
I'm wasting my potential.
And you do-gooders
are my ticket to the majors.
Your souls can get me
out of gameshows and into the big time.
Heavy metal rock and roll!
And now, time for round number two.
Behind none of these doors is a prize.
They all contain abject terror and danger.
To win, you must simply survive.
Will it be door number one?
Door number two?
Or door number three?
Take door number one! No, no take one!
-Take three.
-No, no, takeNo, take
-TakeTake
-Which one should they take?
- Take three!
- No, take one!
Uh, we'll take door number two, Dib.
Right! Let's see
what's behind door number two.
And behind door number two,
it's door number one.
Hey, wait a minute! That's not fair.
If we wanted door number one,
we would ask for door number one.
Yeah, what if we'd asked
for door number three?
Door number three it is.
And what's behind that but,
door number one! How about that?
I'd say the fix was in, wouldn't you?
Aw, come on boys. Don't be spoilsports.
What'll it be?
Door number one,
door number one or door number one?
I think we're gonna go
for door number one, Dib.
Great choice!
OK, let's open up door number one
and see what they get!
Why, it's an old friend of yours,
here to do his version
of "This is your Strife."
It's Samhain,
the living embodiment of Halloween.
You fought him last year,
and now he's back for a grudge match.
Watch out!
What a kidder, eh?
You boys only barely managed
to defeat him before,
now you don't have a chance.
Unless you give up now,
save yourself pain.
I go two words for you, Dib,
"Get stuffed."
He's right, though.
How are we ever gonna defeat that thing
with our bare hands?
We may not have to.
Look, Samhain was put in
the containment unit, right?
Yeah, so?
So, I'm betting that
this isn't the real Samhain.
Only an illusion
to scare us into giving up.
Great theory, Ray.
How are you gonna test it?
Only one way, wish me luck.
OK, let's see what you've got!
Good job, my man.
Two down, Dib baby.
Now what do you got to say for yourself?
Roulette, anyone?
Whoa!
-Hey, cut it out!
-Let us go!
Now, listen to the rules!
We all do terrible things in our lives,
things we don't ever want
anyone to know about.
One of you has done that.
He doesn't want
the rest of you to find out about it,
because it's too horrible for words.
Do you have any idea
what he's talking about?
None whatsoever. Ray?
See? Well, the steel ball here
will go round and round
and finally hit one of you.
It will be a deadly impact,
unless the one with the secret talks.
I'm wagering that human pride is so great,
that you'd let
one of your own friends be hurt,
rather than confess.
Shall we see if I'm right?
OK, guys. Guys! Time for true confessions.
If anybody's got
anything to say, say it fast!
OK, um, I took $20 out of petty cash
to buy a birthday gift for my girlfriend.
And I didn't tell anyone.
Truly pathetic!
But that's not it. Sorry, next!
All right, all right, you got me.
Last week, Janine was
taking a shower upstairs and IWell
-You peeked?
-No!
But I did send Slimer up the water pipe
and told him she had
a donut in her shower cap.
Sorry, not it.
I estimate seconds
before it jumps the track
and flattens one of you.
Talk fast!
In college, I once got
an A minus on a test
and my parents wouldn't talk
to me for a week.
Can you drop the ball on him?
Sorry, no guarantees.
And time's up, here it comes.
OK, I'll admit it.
Slimer ate half a cookie,
got slime ball all over the other half
and by accident,
without thinking about it, I
I ate it.
-That is absolutely nauseating!
-Oh! Yuck!
Well, I guess now you can see
why I didn't tell you.
Never mind that, Ray.
Do we win, Dib?
Yes, you win!
You win your souls back,
but you lose your lives! All of you!
That ain't fair!
I never said I was a good loser.
There's just one chance.
If it comes in the middle of us,
we can deflect it.
And if it doesn't?
Then we're doomed. Any other questions?
OK, once we clean up the mess,
who's on next week?
Heads up. I mean, feet up!
And now!
What the
Hey!
We did it!
Yeah, I just wish I could
get my hands on that Dib guy.
No reason why you can't.
We're in his world,
his plane of existence.
He should be as solid as you are.
Peter? Peter!
You promised us a trip to Tahiti!
We gambled on a trip to Tahiti.
We won your stupid game!
And now you're gonna
send us to Tahiti, all expenses paid,
or I'm gonna wring your crummy neck!
Well, you gotta admit it.
Dib may have been a minor demon,
but he kept his bargains.
I guess I'd better learn
to love this tasty delicacy.
First prize included
three tons of devilled ham.