Batman (1966) s02e51 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
Midnight in Gotham City, the very dead of night.
The Green Hornet and Kato outside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory? Something must be very much amiss inside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory for them to invade Batman's territory.
A long way from home, indeed.
And for a peephole to snap shut in their faces at midnight.
We have visitors, boss.
What? In the middle of my midnight snack? - I've just warned up this alphabet soup.
-Masked visitors.
Batman and Robin? Not Batman and Robin.
Who are you? What do you want? - If you're interested in trading stamps -We might be.
then visit one of our retail outlets in the morning.
This is the factory.
That sign on the outer door, "This means you," means you.
Throw them out.
- Why leave? We had them reeling.
-We saw enough, Kato.
I think at last we've found what we've been looking for.
Tomorrow night we'll wrap everything up.
NARRATOR".
Then, in the rosy-fingered morn Who were your two visitors last night, Colonel Gumm? Just a couple of hoods, Miss Pinkston.
I chased them away.
Hoods, Colonel Gumm? In fancy clothes and a big black limousine? I saw them arrive through my apartment window.
But, of course, it was too late to come down.
Commissioner Gordon, please.
This is Pinky Pinkston calling.
No, Miss Pinkston.
Colonel Gumm doesn't seem to understand that I own this factory, Apricot.
He may be the foreman, but I am the boss.
Let the police handle the masked intruders, Colonel Gumm.
You have enough to do printing Pink Chip stamps.
Hello, Miss Pinkston.
What can I do for you? Two strange men invaded my factory last night, commissioner.
My foreman threw them out but I'm running a legitimate business here and I may need your help.
Well, of course.
Can you describe the interlopers? What? What? NARRATOR".
While from a pink factory with a green intruder we go to brick-colored Stately Wayne Manor and a red Batphone.
This new stamp you've added to your collection is beautiful, Bruce.
Supposedly, it's a very rare issue.
The famous Blue Boar of Russian Samara.
But I have my doubts about the watermark.
Watermark? - Yes, this one's barely visible.
-Ahem.
- Yes, Alfred? -The red phone, sir.
Dick, perhaps we can give Blue Boar a closer examination under the microscope in the study.
Oh, Bruce don't forget you have a luncheon date with that sweet Miss Pinkston.
Yes, Aunt Harriet.
Hello? Britt Reid? Yes, Mrs.
Cooper.
I'm in Gotham City for the newspaper-publisher's convention.
Wanted to say hello to you and speak to Bruce.
Just a moment, Mr.
Reid.
- Alfred -Oh, yes, madam.
- Yes, commissioner? -We have strong reason to believe that arch-criminal, the Green Hornet, is operating in Gotham City.
- We'll run wide open.
To the Bat-- -Sorry to interrupt you at a moment like this.
But Mr.
Britt Reid is on the other telephone.
He's in town and would like-- Find out where he's staying and tell him I'll call him later.
To the Batpoles.
NARRATOR".
But while the Dynamic Duo head for Commissioner Gordon's office in double quick time Britt Reid's making a little time of his own, or trying to.
What do you mean you have a luncheon date with Bruce Wayne? It's the only free time I have during the publisher's convention.
Well, I do, Britt.
And I can't break it.
Why don't you join us, Britt? After all, Bruce is a friend of yours too.
Mm-hm.
Not where you're concerned, Pinky.
I thrive on rivalry.
So don't be stubborn.
The Camellia Room, 12:30? All right.
You'll know me.
I'll be the one dressed as a green-eyed monster.
- Guess you can't win them all, Mr.
Reid.
-Hm.
Ever since Bruce Wayne and I were kids we've been rivals in one way or another.
The newspapers, the radio, TV, Mayor Linseed, Governor Stonefellow, all on my back because the rumor is out the Green Hornet is in our fair city for a piece of the action.
A piece of the action at the Pink Chip Stamps Factory.
That seems strange.
With this heinous reputation for high stakes a out of a trading-stamps factory would seem like somewhat of a comedown.
Maybe he was looking for something else at the Pink Chip Stamp Factory, Batman.
The Gotham Gothic? Miss Pinkston's father, Pincus Pinkston May he rest in peace.
was one of Gotham City's foremost stamp collectors.
And the most valuable stamp in his collection was the famous Gotham Gothic.
Sure.
Worth a fortune.
But it disappeared mysteriously shortly after he died.
Yes, Bonnie? Oh, send him in, Bonnie.
An important out-of-town newspaper publisher who I'm sure would be honored to meet you, Batman.
Ah, Mr.
Reid.
- Commissioner.
-Come in.
- Good to see you.
-Good to see you.
And luck would have it, our famed Caped Crusaders, Batman and Robin.
- Batman.
-Welcome, Mr.
Reid.
- Thank you.
Robin.
-How do you do? - Sit down.
Make yourself at home.
-Thank you, commissioner.
We have a mutual friend, Batman.
Millionaire Bruce Wayne.
In fact, I'm having lunch with him today.
Oh? Give him my regards.
We were just discussing a criminal, Mr.
Reid, with whom you are no doubt familiar.
The Green Hornet, from your own bailiwick.
Just between us boys, Mr.
Reid we have reason to suspect he'll be pulling some shenanigans in our own bailiwick.
The Green Hornet? In Gotham City? Well, that shouldn't disturb you, Batman.
Your name is legend among crime fighters.
Legends are sometimes highly overrated, Mr.
Reid.
'Twill be the Green Hornet who's overrated, Batman if he tries to tangle with you and Robin.
For which we must prepare ourselves.
- Excuse us, Mr.
Reid.
-Of course.
We must get back to the Batcave.
Sure, Batman.
Maybe the Batcomputer can tell us a little more about our pea-green adversary.
I'm very disappointed in these, Reprint.
For someone who's advanced from manufacturing Pink Chip stamps to the fine art of counterfeiting priceless rare stamps your work has become very slipshod.
Here, look at this overprint.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Fuzzy.
Any expert could spot that.
- So I goofed.
-Which we cannot afford, Reprint.
We have a lot to do in a very short time.
- How short, Colonel Gumm? -Tonight and tomorrow, Cancelled.
Then we move everything into the warehouse.
Tomorrow night is the great International Stamps Exhibition where I plan to make my big kill.
You sure ought to win some of the prizes.
Winning prizes is not what I'm after, Block.
It's walking away with some of the rarest and most irreplaceable stamps in the world.
Whoops, oops! There comes the pink prima donna.
Down her private stairway.
Look busy and honest.
Colonel Gumm.
- Have you heard the latest news broadcast? -No, Miss Pinkston.
I've been too busy.
Oh, isn't that a shame, Apricot? Colonel Gumm has been too busy manufacturing Pink Chip stamps to know that this morning's intruders may have been the Green Hornet and his masked accomplice.
Uh, what would they be doing in Gotham City? What would they be doing in my factory, Apricot? I will be lunching in town, Colonel Gumm.
I wish she'd stop talking to that pink mutt and talk to me.
- I think she was talking to you, boss.
-Well, I'll soon find out.
How, colonel? As you boys grow older and more experienced you'll find there's more than one way to skin a pink cat.
Fine time for the Batcomputer to let us down.
It's not the machine's fault, old chum.
We overlooked one thing when we constructed it.
A dual-identity Bat-sensor.
Holy oversight.
So we can't really blame our faithful friend here for failing to provide us with the clues we need about the Green Hornet.
No human mind has solved the secret of our own duplicity.
Who, in reality, are Batman and Robin.
It heard you.
It's trying.
Not much of an answer.
"Cowled crime fighters.
Real identities unknown.
" The next time we're in town, we'll pick up the parts for a dual-identity Bat-sensor.
Now it's time for Bruce Wayne's lunch date with Pinky Pinkston and Dick Grayson's session with his French tutor.
French tutor? That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin.
Dual responsibilities.
Oh, that is beautiful.
Beautiful.
- What's it called? -Shirley.
A peignoir named Shirley? No, I'm Shirley.
Lingerie Bazaar.
Off at 6.
We're completely neglecting Britt.
No, I got the message, Pinky.
Would I supply the third corner of today's triangle to tell you what I might know about the Green Hornet.
Yes, very lovely.
What size is it? Size 5,555,555? No.
That's my telephone number.
Ask for June.
I do wish you two would quit flirting with the models and pay a little attention to me.
Britt's doing all the flirting.
I'm outside feeding the dog.
You can't expect me to devote my entire time to you, Bruce.
- Why not? - Because Britt's here too.
That's right, I am.
Well, where were we? I'll line up Batman in case Green Hornet decides to invade your factory tonight.
And I'm to find out what the Green Hornet is up to in Gotham City.
Oh, will you? I have so much at stake at that factory.
I don't want any trouble.
I'll deliver Batman.
If I can reach him, of course.
And all information on the Green Hornet will be transmitted.
If I can get any.
But aren't you mixing business--? With pleasure, Pinky? Business is my pleasure, darlings.
Thank you.
Well, Apricot, time for your pedicure.
- Come on, Apricot.
-You boys can fight over the check.
- Good day.
-Bye, Pinky.
Good day, Pinky.
Whose idea was this? Pinky invited me to lunch, and you invited her.
Thank you.
- I'm sorry, sir.
-Mm, mm? The only alphabet soup we have is tomato, split-pea and clam chowder.
Oh, too bad.
You colonials are still so uncivilized.
Well, I suppose I must go elsewhere.
I have to drop by my stamp dealer's.
He's a nice old gentleman named Boris Sevaroff.
Though I think he sold me a bogus Blue Boar from Russian Samara.
I've been having the same trouble with my collection.
Paid a fancy price for some stamps that I don't think have a fancy value.
- Why don't you come along? -Sure.
Love to.
I don't have anything to do tonight until the publisher's convention.
I'd invite you to that but, uh, it's closed to visitors.
Same with me.
Meeting of the Wayne Foundation.
Board members only.
Ooh, da, da! Yes, of course, Mr.
Wayne.
The watermark on your Blue Boar stamp is indistinct, but naturally.
Do you realize that only 12 of those stamps were ever printed? And that was over 100 years ago.
And, of course, Russian Samara is a long way off.
Ah, Mr.
Wayne, who knows how far that stamp had to travel and what enormous perils it went through before it finally found its way to my poor establishment? Not quite as poor as it was the day before yesterday, Mr.
Sevaroff when I paid a rather handsome price for the Blue Boar.
I just hope that you are right.
Are you implying that I hoodwinked you, Mr.
Wayne? That I sold you a fake? No, of course not.
But isn't it possible that you were hoodwinked? Nobody hoodwinks Boris Sevaroff.
Speaking of valuable stamps have you ever noticed a stamp called the Gotham Gothic? It used to be in the collection of a Mr.
Pincus Pinkston but upon his death, it vanished.
Well, of course, I have heard of this stamp, Mr.
Wayne but you must remember what a very small and perishable thing a single stamp is.
It might easily have gotten lost or accidentally destroyed.
Yes, most likely.
I just thought I'd ask.
Ha-ha-ha, well, gentleman.
Gentlemen, a true pleasure to serve you.
And I hope I have the opportunity once more before I return to my home, Volzhsky on the Volga.
Good day.
Good day.
Good day.
- Reprint? - Yes, boss? Shift into high gear.
We have to move to the warehouse sooner than I thought.
The pink neb's causing problems again? She's just one of my headaches.
- I really smell trouble this time.
-Too bad, boss.
But you'll flip when you see my last batch of phony stamps.
Not fuzzy at all.
NARRATOR".
But Colonel Gumm isn't the only one who smells trouble as he ends Boris Sevaroff's day's activities.
And Britt Reid begins the Green Hornet's evening intrigue.
I'm certain that Bruce Wayne's slippery stamp dealer and the foreman of the Pink Chip Stamps Factory are the same man.
Involved in the counterfeit-stamp ring we're trying to crack? Undoubtedly knowing something about the missing Gotham Gothic.
I have a feeling that Batman and Robin are gonna be on our tails tonight making our task that much more tricky.
-How so? Well, to the world at large, they're known as the Caped Crusaders.
Fearless crime fighters.
Whereas, due to the nature of our operation the same world at large looks on us as criminals.
Only a very few know different.
Hm.
Sure does sound tricky.
So I'll turn my Hornet's Sting to half maximum power.
I don't wanna get careless and hurt Batman if we clash.
- Well, you always have your gas gun.
-Right.
And nothing must stop us from gaining our ends.
NARRATOR".
So to the battlefield.
And speaking of warfare Now, don't lie to me, Colonel Gumm.
I know what I've heard and I know what I've seen since.
All I don't know is how I could've been so blind for so long.
- Now, the first thing we're going to do-- -ls to lock you up, Miss Pinkston.
In my office for now.
We'll take her to the warehouse later on.
First, we have to wind things up here.
And then to make my big kill at the stamp exhibition tomorrow night.
No sign of Black Beauty, Robin.
We must have beaten it here.
There's an alley around the corner.
We can hide the car there.
No Batmobile.
Good.
We can get some work done first, and fast.
Holy split seconds.
Let's go.
Easy, old chum.
I chanced to notice an open window back there.
That sign on the door, "This means you"-- - Shall we say, "This means us"? -Us? You should know who I am by now.
How about cutting me in on a little piece of the action? How big a piece? That depends on how much a stamp dealer named Boris Sevaroff can get for the missing Gotham Gothic.
See, I know more about you than you think.
We can take them all, Batman.
That's a very sophisticated-looking piece of machinery.
Yes, it's my own invention.
The enlarged perforating and coiling machine.
Why not give it a closer look? All right.
He's not showing them the machinery, he's tossing them into it.
The Green Hornet may posses the only clue to this baffling case.
You know my motto, boys.
"Always stamp out evil.
" - Boss, look.
-We move.
Let's give them a thorough pasting.
Come on, boys.
Holy flypaper, Batman.
We've all heard how the Dynamic Duo sticks together through thick and thin.
But this time, you're really stuck, Batman on an undetachable glue pad.
While the Green Hornet and his masked companion are being blocked, gummed, and perforated in that machine.
You satanic, mad stamp man.
Satanic, Batman? Who knows? But mad stamp man, perhaps.
Ha-ha-ha! Behold, even as we speak my machine is producing a very rare stamp indeed.
Ah! Wonderful.
Shall we call him the Green Hornet'? The only stamp of its kind ever printed.
I'm sure it would be a collector's item, if it were not for its size.
Ah, the Green Hornet makes such a wonderful, beautiful stamp that I think I'll thumb-tack him to the wall.
Holy human collectors item.
Exactly, Boy Wonder.
As soon as I tack up the other masked marauder who is even now being perforated in that machine then it will be your turns, Dynamic Duo.
Yes, I know you've faced many deadly perils and escaped in many devious manners but you have never been so close to being completely stamped out as you are right now.