Batman (1966) s02e53 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
The start of a new semester at ivy covered Yale University and the portly professor of Egyptology outlines his plans.
And then, of course, there'll be the field trip to the Gotham City Park.
Oh, it bodes to be a truly exciting class, young gentlemen.
That is, if you're really interested in Egyptology and not just two football players hoping this will be a snap course.
Oh, we're real dedicated students, professor.
Uh, sure.
- How about you, professor? - Hmm? We heard you flipped a while back and assumed the identity of King Tut.
Is that right? Oh, that campus newspaper.
Yes, it's true.
I suffer from a unique combination of amnesia and identity transference.
It only happens when I suffer cranial concussion, however.
Thus, as you can see I have protected myself with this hard hat.
Hail almighty Tut, prince of darkness.
Hail sovereign of all that's mean and evil.
- Hail.
- Hail.
The gang's all here.
NARRATOR".
And late that night at the Gotham City Museum Egyptology section What are you doing here? What are you doing here? I asked you first.
So you did, so you did.
I am here to lay rightful claim to yon sarcophagus.
- You're a thief? -You're right.
And how is the guard's condition, Chief O'Hara? Still unconscious.
In times like these, there's only one man who can help us solve the problem: Bruce Wayne.
Bruce Wayne? Not Batman? There's an Egyptian costume ball at the Gotham City Hotel tonight.
Bruce Wayne is chairman.
Perhaps he knows something we don't.
You're going to look very handsome tonight, Bruce.
A magnificent Caesar.
I'm glad we had this little dress rehearsal.
Ha, ha.
I can't wait to see Lisa dressed as Cleopatra.
Phone for you, sir.
In the study.
It's Commissioner Gordon.
Commissioner Gordon? What would he want with you, Bruce? We'll soon find out, Aunt Harriet.
Excuse me.
I can't imagine Alfred making an error like that.
What did you say, Dick? Uh, nothing, Aunt Harriet.
Alfred, I'm shocked at your breach of secrecy.
No need to be, sir.
The commissioner's call was for Bruce Wayne, not Batman.
But a feeling inside me suggested that you should take it in here.
- Hello, commissioner.
-As chairman of tonight's Egyptian ball can you tell me what significance the robbery of a sarcophagus circa 1300 B.
C.
might have? Its principal value would be that of an antique.
Wait a moment, commissioner.
in which King Tut trod the land.
That's what I was afraid of.
I'd hoped it was some sort of a publicity stunt.
My committee would never engage in such a stunt.
Then it appears our old nemesis King Tut may have returned to haunt us.
My suggestion would be to call Batman immediately.
Sound thinking, Bruce.
Bruce Wayne advised me to call Batman.
Heh.
Well, I guess millionaires aren't so dumb after all.
Otherwise they never would have become millionaires.
Hmm.
Yes, commissioner.
The worst has come to pass, Batman.
I know.
King Tut is back in Gotham City.
We'll be right there.
Absolutely incredible.
You'd think the man could read my mind.
To the Batpoles.
Why doesn't he stay where he belongs? Up at Yale, where he's a nice, mild-mannered professor? Don't forget, Robin, when the professor metamorphosizes-- Changes into King Tut he forgets his true identity.
- No clues? -Nary a one.
Tut once tried to claim Gotham City as his kingdom.
You don't suppose he'd try it again? I doubt it.
He was thwarted in that gambit.
Hello? No.
Oh.
How brutal.
Well, we'll get on it right away.
In the meantime, leave everything exactly as you found it.
Fouad Sphinx, the talented Middle Eastern pantomimist has just been found in his swank suite at the Oasis Hotel.
- Alive? - Barely, Batman.
He's been pummeled about the head and shoulders by someone answering the description of Tut.
Furthermore, he was tied up in the classic tradition.
Oh.
Sphinx, Oasis, Middle Eastern.
You think it could mean something? Chances are it could be a clue.
Let's go.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, in Tut's hideout at the Pyramid Club a shattered roadhouse in an underdeveloped suburb Hi, Tut baby.
What's shaking? Batman's head, unless I miss my guess.
Heh, heh.
- Can we get up now? - My back hurts.
You may rise.
- Oh! Be it ever so humble.
-What's with him? Please, Neila, you may be goddess of the Nile but I am your king.
And soon I will claim my queen.
Mm.
The lovely Lisa Carson daughter of wealthy socialite John E.
Carson will appear at the Egyptian Ball tonight as Cleopatra.
Her escort will be millionaire Bruce Wayne as Julius Caesar.
Come, observe.
Heh.
Millionaire Bruce Wayne.
Blech! Tonight he'll lose his queen to me the king! Oh, pulchritudinous! Just as I have envisioned her down through the centuries.
And tonight she will be mine alone.
And where does that leave me? You could always be a lady in waiting.
- But I thought she was-- -Silence, Tutlings! I have been reincarnated, as the whole world knows and now so has the lovely Cleopatra.
Meanwhile, the Caped Crusaders Bat-climb their way to Fouad Sphinx's hotel suite.
Suzy Knickerbocker, what are you doing in Gotham City? I go where the action is, Batman.
The Caribbean, the Riviera, the Greek Islands.
Wherever there's glamor, that's where I am.
I'm afraid you'll find it pretty quiet here, then.
Oh, I don't know, Boy Wonder.
I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies.
All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor.
Stately Wayne Manor.
Mr.
Wayne is basically a very serious young man.
Sometimes those serious ones fool you.
Batman, I think that's a darling little costume you're wearing.
Where did you get it, in London or Rome? No, I believe in patronizing local craftsmen.
There's a guy who makes great capes and cowls right here in Gotham City.
Ha, ha.
I think you two belong in my column.
I'll slip you in somewhere between Acapulco and Princess Grace.
Holy jet set! Imagine us in Suzy Knickerbocker's column, Batman.
An unlikely spot for two mundane crime fighters.
- And speaking of crime fighting -I adored seeing both of you.
I wonder who they really are.
Probably a couple of international playboys.
I mean, who else would climb walls? Ah, the Caped Crusaders.
We left everything just as we found it per Commissioner Gordon's instruction.
Good work, officer.
Ah, that must be the talented pantomimist in question.
How do you feel, Mr.
Sphinx? How do I look, Batman? King Tut is a very muscular fellow.
What did King Tut say? He said, "You got my message?" Was there anything else? Yes.
He left you a note.
It's in my pocket here.
It's written in an ancient tongue, Robin circa 1300 B.
C.
- King Tut's era.
-Yes, this will require further study.
- To the Batcave.
-Batman.
Yes, Mr.
Sphinx? Think it would be all right if someone untied me? I'm getting a little cramped.
Of course.
Officer, untie this poor fellow.
"L, the great King Tut have returned to Gotham City to wreak revenge on Batman and his accursed companion.
" Hey, that's me.
"And next in importance, to claim my own.
" His own what? That is the question.
Commissioner, we've just deciphered the scroll.
Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
Uh-huh.
I knew that he'd be after you and Robin, but to claim his own - What does it mean? -Whatever his plan, commissioner with the Ancient Egyptian Ball being tonight I have a feeling our evil friend may put in an appearance there.
I'll have a cordon of police in attendance and to keep them from being noticed, they'll be attired as Egyptians.
I want seven of your best men at the ball tonight in Egyptian raiment.
Gotham City's finest dressed up like a bunch of heathens? May the saints preserve us.
Don't you ninnies understand that I want Batman and Robin to show up at the ball tonight? What happens when you show up at the ball? You underestimate your sovereign's think tank.
I have this day delivered to a certain address in Gotham City a replica of the royal robes and mask of the great King Tut.
Mayor Linseed is away on one of his frequent visits to the Asian front but Deputy Mayor Zorty is acting in his stead.
Tonight he will be I! Heh.
What are you doing? Get your hands off me.
This is an outrage.
Tell that to the commissioner.
What in the world do you think you're doing? For you, my queen.
Good work, men.
You got him.
The city's no longer in peril.
The city may not be in peril, O'Hara but you and your clumsy clods are.
Uh-oh.
If it's who I think it is, and I think it is I'll be back pounding the beat, and so will you, commissioner.
Unhand him, gentlemen.
It's himself.
Deputy Mayor Zorty- We all owe you an apology, sir.
We had a report that the evil King Tut was back in town.
I'm not blaming you, Gordon.
You were doing your duty.
But what about the real King Tut? No doubt this subterfuge was part of his plot.
He may be at the ball at this moment.
Go back there, men.
On the double.
This time get the right king or you, O'Hara, and all the rest of you will be back pounding a beat again.
Mm.
Would you look at her? Every inch a queen.
Mm.
You're right, it's Tut.
We'll play this cautiously, Dick.
Watch and wait.
Do you boys know that man? If he's who we think he is, we do.
And if we do, we'll deal with him.
- Mr.
Wayne? -Yes.
We're from the police.
We've been ordered to apprehend the man disguised as King Tut.
- Oh, yes, I know.
-ls something wrong? Don't worry, Aunt Harriet.
Well spoken, noble mark.
- We've got a plan, if you'll help us.
-Of course.
See those men over there? They're also police.
The king seems to be attracted to the queen, Cleopatra.
You can say that again.
If you can get the young lady to dance with the king steer him over to that exit we could capture him quietly without disturbing the others.
I'll try to oblige.
By your leave, Your Highness.
It's an honor to dance with you, Your Majesty.
I know it is.
Not every young girl gets a chance to wrap her arms around the king.
Oh! My, what a short dance.
Yes, it isn't like Lisa to go off with a stranger.
Mr.
Wayne, have you seen King Tut? Yes, the police just took him away.
Or did they? - We're the police.
-Notify the commissioner.
Dick, come on.
Mercy gracious sakes alive.
I placed a tracking device in Lisa's clothes, Robin.
See here? Watch closely.
It stopped.
We've zeroed in on them, Robin.
Commissioner, you've heard the news, of course.
We've located the royal palace.
Undoubtedly, King Tut has taken Miss Carson there.
The Pyramid Club.
A shuttered roadhouse in an underdeveloped suburb.
I'm sorry.
Robin and I had better attempt this one ourselves.
A girl's life is in danger.
This mission has to be accomplished quietly.
NARRATOR".
But in his hideout in the shuttered Pyramid Club King Tut plans some noise of his own.
But I'm not Cleopatra.
I'm Lisa Carson.
I live right here in Gotham City on the fashionable lower east part of the Upper West Side.
Your home is on the Nile.
I've never been to the Nile, and I'm never going.
Fate and I will take you there.
Look, if this is some kind of a joke, I've had enough.
Who are you, anyway'? Who am I? Heh, heh.
Tut! Master of Thebes, King of the Nile moon god of Thoth.
And that's just on Mama's side of the family.
I have a wealthy father, and he'll pay anything to let me go.
There's not enough money in all the world to rob me of the rapture of having my queen by my side forever.
You're not going to have me by your side ever.
I wonder how a little stay in the royal dungeon would affect you.
Strange how that clammy enclosure can have a warming effect on people.
Jester! Lord Chancellor! Bolted tight.
- Should we try the Batmelter on the lock'? -No, we must find other means.
You stay here and watch the door.
I'll see what I can find above.
Mission accomplished, Your Highness.
She's locked up, all right.
Though it sure seems like a waste of money.
Though it's none of my business, I guess.
Hmm? You're right, royal jester, it's none of your business and that's no guess.
If that girl in the dungeon ain't kidding, there could be a fortune in this.
Well, what do you know, the first robin of spring.
Let's take him to the head birdwatcher the king himself.
Oh.
A bird of prey.
Tie him up! Stop! Wait a minute.
If the Caped Crumb is here the Cowled Creep can't be far behind.
That's right, Tut.
Now what shall we do with our mortal enemies who shan't be mortal much longer? Hmm Hmm Ah.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
For the moment, we'll leave Boy Wonder tied up to decide his ultimate fate.
But as for Batman open the royal sarcophagus.
Put him in it.
Friends, Egyptians, henchmen lend me your ears.
I come to bury Batman, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them.
The good is oft interred with their bones.
So let it be with Batman.
It isn't that I love you any less, Batman.
Simply that I love me more.
Hmm? Bubble, bubble, little bat at the bottom of the vat.
Your wings will dry and soon you'll fly to the great big belfry in the sky.