Batman (1966) s02e59 Episode Script

The luxury liner S.
S.
Gotham Queen is only hours out of Gotham City.
Her passengers are enjoying a final meal on-board little knowing it could well be their final meal.
-It's been a lovely voyage, Captain Carlisle.
-And a great pleasure for me, Ms.
Glaze.
Seldom have I had a passenger list including a world famous ice skating star such as yourself.
And an international scientist from Iceland such as Professor lsaacson to keep me company.
Your field must be fascinating, professor.
Just what is this formula you're taking to Gotham City? To the world it's a secret formula, Ms.
Glaze.
But to you, it's a formula for making instant ice.
I'll be working in an advisory capacity with the Bruce Wayne Foundation.
What a coincidence.
I'm opening tonight in an ice revue at the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena.
An iceberg? - Just outside the Gotham City Harbor? -And dead ahead.
Reverse engines.
I'll tell Captain Carlisle at once.
NARRATOR".
But the location of this iceberg isn't the only strange thing about it.
It's what's inside the iceberg in Mr.
Freeze's unique, new hideout below the water line.
Our iceberg's been sighted.
But too late for the Gotham Queen, I'm afraid.
Activate the ice magnets.
We'll pull her directly into our iceberg.
And I'm sure we'll be hearing from Ms.
Glacia, shortly.
Iceberg.
Iceberg? Professor lsaacson is at the captain's table -in the ship's dining salon, darling.
- Thank you, Glacia.
Good, the ship's almost against the iceberg.
Get some more men, go up the ice ladders.
When the ship's secure, leap aboard.
Isaacson's at the captain's table.
Bring him back here.
Victory at last.
Soon I'll be able to cover the entire world with an instant ice cap.
And then you say the kidnappers disappeared back into the iceberg and somehow the Gotham Queen was released.
We'll ride with the wind, commissioner.
To the Batpoles.
NARRATOR".
But while the Batmobile glissades toward police headquarters Mr.
Freeze is having his own icy sport with Professor lsaacson.
Your secret formula for frozen ice, professor, that's what I want.
Where is it? You mean it isn't written down? To keep it a secret formula, it's bottled up in here and memory is a strange and intangible thing you frosty-faced fool.
And mine won't work at your command.
We'll see about that, professor.
Frosty, Chilblains? Dismantle this hideout.
Remove all evidence of our ever having been here.
We'll take this perverse professor back to Gotham City and ice him.
I have a chilling scheme by which I'll not only gain my ends but permanently deep-freeze the Dynamic Duo.
Go.
Ha, ha.
Asoulda, darling.
I am going to take you with me.
This little homing seal will come in quite handy in my little ice escapade.
Saints preserve us, who else could it be but that ice-devil incarnate, Mr.
Freeze? Nobody else, Chief O'Hara.
Did you talk to the ship's captain after the Gotham Queen made port, commissioner? And he had nothing to add to the preposterous story though I may have anticipated you, Batman.
The liner's passenger list in case Mr.
Freeze had an accomplice aboard.
May we take this passenger list with us? Might provide us with a clue.
To the Batcave.
It looked as though we were in for a long cold winter, commissioner.
But now, I think we're due for a sudden change in the weather.
Begorra.
NARRATOR".
While in Mr.
Freeze's present hideout directly under the rink of the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena Darling, your ingenuity is amazing.
Who else would have thought of a hideaway here of all places? The jet nozzles in this collar keep me permanently in a subzero temperature, Glacia and allow me to stay alive.
But everyone functions better in a cool environment.
Speaking of cool environments Frosty, what does that thermometer read in the Quick Freezer? Two hundred below, boss.
Dead on the cold nose.
Professor lsaacson can't or won't reveal his secret formula to me.
- I'm freezing it out of him in the Quick Freezer.
-Oh, how lovely.
Well, I must get upstairs for rehearsal.
I'll be thinking of you tonight while I execute my famous waltzing arabesque directly over your head.
It's time for your supper, Asoulda.
Soon as it's dark, I have a little errand for you to go on.
Mm? Look at the Batcomputer work on that passenger list.
Here's the passengers on C-Deck.
All members of a fireplace equipment dealer's tour.
Unlikely cohorts of Mr.
Freeze.
What about this? Suite A, boat deck, Collin Caldwell? Mm.
An appropriate name, but Mr.
Coldwell is president of the Coldwell Furnace Company and scarcely a suspect.
Emma Strunk.
- What was that? -Emma Strunk, nothing there.
Just a second, Robin.
Emma Strunk, I believe, was born Emma Strunk and later changed her name to Glacia Glaze.
- Holy ice skates.
-Exactly.
A world renown skating queen.
No doubt she booked passage under the name of Emma Strunk in order to avoid publicity.
Once on board of course, she would have been recognized.
Yes, old chum, I have a strange feeling That Glacia Glaze was Mr.
Freeze's accomplice on the Gotham Queen.
But what would a talented, beautiful, famous star like Glacia Glaze see in frostbitten Freeze? The famous Rabelais has already answered that for you, Robin, with his great wit.
"To each his own," as the woman said when she kissed her cow.
Gosh, Batman, that's sure great wit, all right.
And this could be just the break we and Bruce Wayne are looking for.
- Bruce Wayne? -Ms.
Glaze is opening in a new ice revue tonight at the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena.
In fact, Mr.
Wayne is taking Mrs.
Harriet Cooper a devotee of Ms.
Glaze's backstage before the performance to meet the dazzling star.
While Dick Grayson, I suppose, stays home and works on his essay on glaciers? Right again, Robin.
Bonnie, the next time you send in an unannounced visitor you'd better send a tank of water and some live fish along with him.
But this was attached to one of its flippers.
Suffering icicles, it's a list of demands from Mr.
Freeze.
He's holding Professor lsaacson for ransom.
At midnight, millionaire Bruce Wayne, head of the Wayne Foundation is to make a televised broadcast-- -From this office.
that the money is ready to be paid.
He'll only deal directly with Batman and Robin.
They're to be ready at midnight too to act as intermediaries, otherwise-- Otherwise it may be the blackest midnight that Gotham City has ever known, Chief O'Hara.
I'll call Batman on the red phone.
- You get Mr.
Wayne on the other.
-Right.
Yes, commissioner? Mr.
Freeze wants what? Hello? I'll see if I can get him, Chief O'Hara.
A moment, commissioner.
Chief O'Hara, this is Bruce Wayne.
Mr.
Freeze wants what? Commissioner Gordon is on the other phone with Batman, Mr.
Wayne.
Perhaps if we put the two phones together, you could talk to him yourself.
All right, chief.
I don't have much time.
Batman? Yes, Mr.
Wayne.
Have you heard Mr.
Freeze's scurrilous demands? Just briefly.
If Robin and I act as go-betweens are you prepared to make the telecast at midnight and pay the ransom, Mr.
Wayne? I have no choice, Batman.
I suggest you tape the broadcast from the commissioner's office an hour earlier and we will have a dummy package of money.
A dummy package of money.
That sounds risky.
Risk is our business, Mr.
Wayne.
Of course, Batman, I have the same faith in you that all of Gotham City has.
I hope Robin and I are deserving of that faith.
I'll make the arrangements and meet you at the commissioner's office at 11.
Fine.
- Did you get all that, commissioner? -Indeed I did, Batman.
We'll set up the taped telecast and have the dummy package of money waiting.
See you at 11 tonight.
Two fine men, so dissimilar in many respects, and yet Yet so similar in others.
NARRATOR".
And presently backstage at the Ice Arena, in the dressing room of Glacia Glaze nee, Emma Strunk I'm about to go on, darling.
What's happening? Nothing will happen until midnight, Glacia.
But if Wayne agrees to my terms and Batman and Robin deliver the money everything's in the ice bag.
And do I have a chilling clincher for the Caped Crusaders.
Oh, I'll bet you do.
Have you frozen the professor's formula out of him? We're about to remove the professor from the Quick Freezer now.
Hello, Glacia? Glacia? What happened to this thing? Mr.
Wayne couldn't find the stage manager, Glacia.
I offered to bring him and Mrs.
Cooper to your room.
Thank you, Carol.
How nice to meet you both, but I'm afraid things are a little chaotic around here.
Your whole day sounded chaotic, Ms.
Glaze.
Weren't you on the Gotham Queen? A ghastly experience, Mr.
Wayne.
I'd rather not talk about it.
Of course.
But how lovely you look.
And such a pretty dressing room.
Oh, my, what a darling compact.
FREEZE".
Glacia? Glacia, what happened? I was in the mid-- It talked.
Again? What is wrong with this instrument? No, Mrs.
Cooper, the compact didn't talk.
It's a little music box I picked up in Switzerland.
But now, if you'll excuse me, I must get out to the wings.
This thing must be broken.
Frosty, Chilblains? Remove the professor.
He should be stone cold by now.
- You're not even chilly.
-I'm an lcelander, you frostbitten baboon.
A slight drop in temperature makes little difference to me.
Well, something will make a difference to you, professor.
I'm going to get this formula out of you one way or the other.
Down.
Get me my dry ice injector.
That's our cue, Carol.
Thank you both for coming backstage.
- And we certainly hope you enjoy the show.
-Thank you, we will.
Let's hurry to our box, Bruce.
I don't wanna miss a minute.
I have a call to make, Aunt Harriet.
I'll join you shortly.
Excuse me, Mr.
Wayne.
The telephone call you were expecting you can take in the foyer of your box.
- Dick? -Yes, Bruce.
I slipped an anti-eavesdrop Bat-plug into the telephone just in case.
I suggest you do the same.
I already have, and I've done what you said.
Went down to the Batcave.
Got the Remote Batmobile Control Phase Advanoer.
Went up my Bat-pole, called a cab and I'm in a phone booth in the back of police headquarters right now.
Good.
Activate the Remote Control Phase Advanoer.
Bring the Batmobile into town and have it parked in that alley.
There's some red lockers outside of Commissioner Gordon's office.
Put the Bat clothes in one of them.
I'll meet you at 10:55.
Alfred will take care of Aunt Harriet.
Right.
This is Bruce Wayne, Mr.
Freeze.
We've received your message.
And Batman and Robin will make the delivery, when, where, how and if you so advise us.
In return, we depend on you to keep your part of the bargain and release Professor lsaacson to the Caped Crusaders.
Good evening.
Thank you, gentlemen, for a difficult task well done.
You sounded like an old pro, Mr.
Wayne.
An old pro, at paying a large ransom to that contemptible kidnapper? It's only dummy money, Mr.
Wayne, as Batman suggested.
Yes, I wonder why.
I also wonder where he is.
I've done my job and he told me himself he would be here.
Well, he will, Mr.
Wayne.
No doubt about it.
Probably delayed in traffic.
You can always depend on the Caped Crusaders.
Yes, I trust that's it.
Dick, I think we should go now.
You'll let us know what happens, gentlemen? Excuse us.
He sounded rather unlike himself.
So brisk and brief.
Pressure, commissioner, gets us all.
- Ah, here you are.
-Good evening.
Where's Mr.
Wayne? He just left.
Didn't you bump into him in the hall? - No.
-Well, that's strange.
Anyway, he pre-taped his telecast and here's the dummy money.
Good.
- Well, Robin, the Bat-ropes? -You bet.
The Batmobile's in the rear alley.
We'll save time.
Aren't you gonna stay until Mr.
Freeze hears the broadcast and advises us of the payoff site? I believe we already have a clue as to his whereabouts, commissioner.
And the midnight broadcast may enable us to take him by surprise.
Commissioner, when you called earlier you mentioned something about the ransom note being delivered by a seal.
Right.
He flipped right in here.
Where is the seal? In a bathtub down the hall.
Why, Batman? Take this.
It's a small echoing seal pulsator.
It may come in handy later.
- What goes on around here? -Just be calm, citizen.
I'm no citizen.
I'm here from London for a manufacturers convention.
- Then welcome, sir, to Gotham City.
-You must be that gentleman I've read about.
- Aren't you a king or something? -Robin, England has no king now.
England has a Queen and a great lady she is too.
Yes, that she is.
But in a way, the lad is right.
I am sometimes called the King, Carpet King, that is.
- Holy floor covering.
- Very apt, Robin.
And speaking of floors, I think we should be dropping down a few more right now.
Good evening, sir.
We have second story men in England, but this is ridiculous.
Frosty, Chilblains? Put the professor in the Quick Freezer.
With his veins full of dry ice, something may happen.
Ah, Glacia.
The audience just wouldn't let me go, darling.
My famous Waltzing arabesques were better than ever but I just had to be here with you at midnight to watch millionaire Bruce Wayne's broadcast.
Just one minute to go.
Let's warm this thing up.
If you'll excuse the expression.
This is Bruce Wayne, Mr.
Freeze.
We've received your message and Batman and Robin will make the delivery when, where, how and if you so advise us.
- Are making the delivery and right now.
-Switch it off.
How could you have found us here? I have not yet called the Commissioner Gordon.
Found you we have.
Here's the money.
- Phony.
-As phony as you, Mr.
Freeze? The gun.
- Your Freeze Gun is useless.
-Ha-ha-ha.
Thanks to the super-thermalized Bat-skivvies we're wearing.
Skivvies? Icemen, to the attack! Push them into the Quick Freezer with the professor.
Better yet, toss them into the vaporizing transparent pipe pump.
Ah, ha, ha! Follow me, icemen.
Now, Glacia all I have to do is turn on the sub-zero temperature gauge.
And when they've cooled down a little I will activate the vaporizing pipe pump and evaporate the caped double-crossers directly under the ice of the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena.
Imagine, Glacia, being able to do your famous Waltzing arabesques directly on Batman and Robin.
Behold, they are beginning to frost up already!