Gentleman Jack (2019) s02e90 Episode Script
Gentleman Jack Changed My Life
1
I love you, Anne.
I'm in love with you.
I always have been.
- I'm not as strong as you think.
- Well, I am.
Well, I am, obviously, but It's just beautiful to see that, you know, to see real love.
There's a different kind of connection and I don't I can't describe it, but it's just like, "Ah, yeah.
That is what I am".
The drama series Gentleman Jack is based on the real life of Anne Lister, a 19th century Yorkshire landowner.
I love and only love the fairer sex.
Her private life was discovered in secret diaries revealing her loves, lusts and heartbreaks.
Anne Lister has just been immortalised.
How are you feeling about that? Anne Lister is an inspiration to be visible, to be who you are.
She was very modern, really.
The show, partly inspired by Jill Liddington's book, Female Fortune, has introduced Anne's story to a global audience.
I've come all the way from North America.
This is actually my seventh trip to Halifax.
- Here we go, rehearsal and action.
- Ah, here we are.
I think people didn't know they were looking for a protagonist like that, a hero like that.
And I think that that's why it's resonated with so many people, because there's no-one like her on our screens.
When you write a show, you hope that you'll get good viewing figures, you hope people like it, but the response globally that we've had, this huge emotional response, you don't expect that when you write telly, you just think you're going to entertain people, so it's it's very good, and it's all because of Anne Lister.
Across the world, thousands of women have come together in fan groups and forums to share their stories.
and in some cases, discover their true sexuality.
The Gentleman Jack community is like a family.
Got my little tattoo with the top hat.
I felt loved and valid.
I realised that I was a lesbian.
With women of all ages being emboldened by the portrayal of Anne Lister, this phenomenon has become known as "The Gentleman Jack Effect".
So I've wanted to tell you for ages and ages As I left she hung upon me and cried and sobbed aloud at parting, saying, "I hope we shall meet under happier circumstances".
"Well", said I to myself as I walked off, "a pretty scene we have had".
In the 1800s, the expectation was for women to marry a man and have children.
There was simply no concept of women having their own sexuality.
So Anne Lister spent her life writing about her forbidden loves in her secret journals.
It was therapeutic for her to put down her heartbreaks and love affairs.
I mean, when she can write something like, "I am neither man nor woman in society, how shall I manage?" You know, that is an existential dilemma for her in that day and age.
In the 1930s, when Anne's ancestral home became a museum, her hidden journals were found and donated to the local library.
Over the next 50 years, historians studied them, but Anne's sexual exploits remained secret.
Until local historian Helena Whitbread revealed all.
I wanted to try my hand at freelance writing.
I looked round for something local and I don't know why, but I just thought, "What about this woman called Anne Lister?" I got on the bus and I went down to the local archives.
And there was this young man there and I said to him, "I believe Anne Lister has some letters in the archives here".
And then he said to me these few words that set me off, he said, "Did you know she kept a journal?" And I said, "These journals are written in code".
And I thought, "What would a woman living 200 years ago need to write in a secret code?" And that triggered off intellectual curiosity, basically.
I thought, "She's got something to hide".
It was a little while before I twigged on.
I remember seeing a little phrase and it said, "I think I will have to go to Russia and find myself a wife".
And I thought, "So this is what she's hiding".
Out of the shadows of history, you might say, came these wonderfully depicted people in her life, women that she was in love with.
And slowly, as I worked through, all these wonderful characters emerged.
So thunder thunder storm last Oh, that's an N, so that's going to be night.
So here, she's switching into code, which is where things get fun.
Volunteer code-breakers all over the world are helping the West Yorkshire Archive to continue to unlock Anne's secrets.
Oh, "Very good kiss".
So I got some of the "Lairy good iss", some of the sounds, but missed a couple of the letters.
Isabel is one of the code-breakers and a long time fan of Anne Lister's.
It was about five years ago that I picked up the diaries and I thought they were so fascinating.
Jane Austen, I specialised in at university, and it's incredible to imagine that Anne Lister was walking around at the same time.
She seems in some ways very modern.
I've just finished this whole bit here.
"There's a big thunderstorm".
And then she switches into the code.
And she says, "In the midst of all this, we drew close together, made love and had one of the most delightfully long tender kisses we've ever had".
I just love the switch.
All of the sort of quite boring, "Oh, yeah, there's a thunderstorm".
And then a quick quickie, and then straight back out! It's fascinating, really.
So in May 2019, the BBC launched a series called Gentleman Jack.
And this is where my troubles began.
I saw my life growing up came vividly back and it hit me, "I'm not straight".
I cried, I wept, shook, and at the point even laughed at the absurdity of it all, as despite my tender 63 years of age, I have no idea how to navigate my way through this.
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have kids.
I was happy because I was on the road that everybody's on, so I'm normal.
I'm OK.
I always wanted a white suit like Suzi Quatro.
But then, I want to live the dream that everybody dreams about.
So I went for a proper wedding dress.
Here starts the single parent journey, new chapter, different hairdo, no fuss.
Just get on with life and managing these two kids.
Hiding, operating out of this false kind of person, and you can lose track of the real self, who you are.
To know that, because you're trying so busy to be like everybody else.
And maybe that was the relief when I discovered this, because it was just like, "Ah, that's why.
That's why ", you know, " you couldn't feel what other people felt.
That's "Ah, that makes sense".
And it was like a relief.
And for that second, it was like, "Oh, my gosh, that's brilliant.
Now I know.
And that makes sense.
"Now my life, now, yeah, that fits with me".
But then you have to navigate the rest of your life.
They say, "Well, you know, if you don't want to come out, you don't have to".
Do I really need to tell? But I don't want to keep secrets from my kids.
It's just not me.
I'm a 33-year-old lesbian, I'm mixed race Arabic and English and live with my mother.
I work as a lawyer, but I'm also a carer for her in the hours I have spare.
We watched Gentleman Jack together, and I absolutely loved it.
I found strength within myself through watching how Anne struggled and held her own.
However, my mum didn't like her dress or manner.
She was in denial for a long time about my sexuality, and still might be inside.
Finding the love of my life is an ongoing and slow process.
Anne's given me the drive to keep looking.
I hope that you enjoyed my story.
Sami is one of the many thousands of women worldwide who've embraced fan groups celebrating Anne Lister.
She manages full-time work as a lawyer with caring for her mum, Hazel.
When I fall, she's there, she picks me up.
She takes me everywhere I want to go.
She became a barrister, and now she's studying to be a solicitor.
I think that's his call to have his breakfast.
I'm daughter and carer, and my job is quite demanding, because I'm juggling quite a lot of things at the same time.
I've found it's been quite stressful recently, 'cos her health is not getting better.
That was my call to the bar.
Less than 50% of people that join actually make it through and pass.
So I am in an elite bunch there.
This is the thing with me and my mum, she thinks I should be married to a Mark Darcy, living the Bridget Jones lifestyle and living in a mansion.
But it's not quite worked out like that, for many reasons! Sami came out to her mum ten years ago, when she was 23.
At first, I thought she was joking with me, as she does.
Always joking.
And she said, "No, Mum, it's the truth".
I was stunned more than anything, and I didn't know how to talk to her about it.
I think that might've been one time I've not been there for her, because I just didn't know really what to say.
And it was never mentioned again.
Initially, she cried.
And then this sort of anger, rage, and then the hatred came out.
It was the hurtful comments, like, "You weren't born like this".
It has scarred me, as it was like a different person.
I do feel I've had to, like, go back in the closet.
I've brought people round I've been seeing, but just introduced them as friends, just to try and keep her at bay.
Seeing how Anne Lister faced her society back in, like, the 1830s and how different she was, was just energising for me.
She didn't let it stop her from being herself, and I think that, to me, is very touching, and that's the inspiring part.
So, different set of circumstances, I don't have my own estate! But, you know, still face challenges that are quite difficult, really.
Anne Lister singlehandedly ran her family estate near Halifax.
She was also an intrepid traveller.
In 1840, during a trip to Russia, Anne died from a fever, aged 49.
She's buried here, in Halifax Minster.
The exact location of her grave is now unknown, as her tombstone went missing some years after her death.
She was an amazing woman.
She is a person who people in my community see as a real hero.
She's someone we can look up to.
She was filled with courage, she was filled with determination she wanted to live her own life in the way that she firmly believed that God had created her to live.
To find a place where she was interred here in the Minster is something that feels spiritually important to me and to thousands of women.
And even more so to have a place that we can come to and know that she's here.
In March 2000, during renovations to the Minster, Anne's shattered tombstone was found under a raised platform by stonemason Andrew Barraclough.
They've had a big hammer and they've struck that, and that's what that to form that type of a break.
- That was a heck of a hit.
- That's a Yeah, a big hammer.
- Yeah.
- And the same there.
So they've hit there - and they've hit there.
- Yeah.
- Her stone has been desecrated.
- Yeah.
- Call it what you want.
- Yeah, literally.
- Within living memory, - Yeah.
- which is really, really sad.
- Yeah.
She was a very prominent person in Halifax.
- There's no two ways about it, you know.
- Yeah.
Anybody that was anybody - Got it.
- knew that she was who she was.
And I feel she's not being - treated as she should have been treated.
- Yeah.
I say I've no axe to grind.
- Right.
- I just, as a person, I feel that she's not been treated in the right way, not been shown any respect.
Are you going home? What the hell are you doing? I asked you if you're going home.
Some people think it's time you went home.
Keep still! - You dirty fucking Jack! - Damn you! "Jack" was a slur used against lesbians in the 19th century.
Anne Lister was dubbed "Gentleman" or "Jack" by people who disapproved of her lifestyle and nonconforming dress sense.
Leave Miss Walker alone.
I think that stood out to me, not for, like, "I love that scene".
No.
It's because that's how I felt when I was younger.
I felt like around every corner was someone who was just going to hate me.
I have this lump in my throat knowing that there's a chance of her being beaten up to pulp just because she lives in this body and someone from the outside comes and decides for her that this is the body that you live in.
Thus, this is what you are, and I can do these things to you because I'm more powerful.
So, yes, that's definitely something that got my heart rate up.
It took me ages to realise I was gay.
I still had, like, quite a lot of shame surrounding it, I think.
And I still kind of struggle with that a little bit.
At the moment, I'm still not out to my grandparents.
Whenever they've said the word "gay" it's always in a negative light most of the time.
So, you know, things like that kind of made me really think, "Oh, is it a good idea?" 22-year-old Kiki came out to her parents after watching Gentleman Jack.
I was watching so many shows with so many queer characters and queer relationships, and I think it finally dawned on me that straight people don't really care that much, they're not that invested to the point where, you know, it takes up most of their thoughts of the day.
Get that slow-mo spray! I did go through a period of thinking that I was pansexual, and I didn't really know.
And then realising, "OK, I definitely am gay, that's just Yeah".
I told my mum straight after I realised, because it felt like, not that I was lying to her, but definitely that I was keeping something from her which I never do, so I told her pretty quick.
I think I had to come out the first time to get the ball rolling, and then I had, like, a year or something kind of getting used to it and being more comfortable with it before I then told my sisters.
Pickle! At least smile for the video! I was quite grateful to be able to do it how I wanted to do it, tell people as I wanted to tell them and go at my own pace, which was quite nice.
- Oh, banger! - I know! - Shall we all try standing up? - Are you sure? My family know that I'm gay, but my grandparents don't.
My sexuality isn't my whole personality, but sometimes it is.
And sometimes I, you know, have, I don't know, days where, like, I want to say something or reference something or make a joke about something, and I stop myself because I'm like, "Oh, I can't".
Because then obviously they'd know, and um, it's just the actual, getting it out, getting it over, like, the last hurdle.
I want to go and tell them tomorrow.
Because we're so close, I don't want to think about us not being that close.
But I just want to know that they're seeing me for me, because sometimes if they're saying, "We love you", and I'm like, "Oh, but would you if you knew?" I don't want to have to feel like I'm kind of squashing half of me down when I'm around them.
The thought of kind of being like, "Here's me, take it or leave it", is quite scary because, you know, it matters when the people mean so much to you.
Before visiting, Kiki told her grandparents she's being filmed for a documentary about Anne Lister.
Oh, hello! - How are you? - I haven't seen you for ages.
I know.
Grandad! Hello, my darling.
- You all right? - Mwah.
- You are? - Yes, thank you.
I'm sure you've grown! I've shrunk, or you've grown.
Well, let me take my shoes off.
Look, there we go, I've shrunk again now! So, are we going to know what's going on, then, are we, or ? Erm, OK.
Erm, yeah.
So I want to tell you for ages and ages, but, well, I'm gay.
So, that's it, that's all I wanted to say! God, are we embarrassed! I knew you were going to say that! We live with a gay granddaughter! I can't believe it.
So, do you have a girlfriend at the moment? - No.
- What's the point of being gay? Well ! Going through all this and not - not have a girlfriend! - You know, one day! I'd have kept quiet! Grandad, I kept quiet for three years! - Three years? - Well I mean, you're still young.
You're positive about it? This is where you're going? Yes, absolutely.
Definitely.
No questions! Do you visit gay bars? Erm, sometimes.
- Not that often, but sometimes.
- Not yet.
You haven't really got into it.
- Well, I've been to - Are you a little beginner? Yeah, I've only been to a couple, but not that many.
You'd be a good catch for some young lady.
Certainly doesn't worry me, my lovey.
Whatever you Oh, thanks, Grandad.
want to do, we love you.
You are very brave to tell us.
- Oh, thank you.
- Well done.
I can't believe it! Thank you very much for telling us.
- You're still the same Kiki.
- Yeah.
It doesn't matter what it is.
But you seem happier.
Oh, that's good.
I feel happier.
Yeah.
That's good.
That's everything.
- I loves you, Grandad.
- I love you, my lovey.
- It makes no difference at all.
- Ah, thank you, Grandad.
It was just saying it, and I think I still got I still find it hard even just to say the word "gay".
Like, I still I have to push it out, because, like, the amount of shame that is still there.
But I can come for the weekend and enjoy it.
And I don't have to question that when they say that they love me, I know that they love all of me and I don't have to worry.
I just know that they do, and I can just accept it and move on with the rest of my day.
- All right? - All good.
You did very, very well.
Well done.
See? Nature played a challenging trick on me, putting a bold spirit like mine in this vessel in which I'm obliged to wear frills and petticoats.
Well, I refuse to be cowed by it.
People can be very cruel.
Shame on them.
I don't want you to be hurt.
Sometimes if we want to be happy, we have to risk getting hurt.
I watched Gentleman Jack when it was on and I was living alone.
I didn't have a relationship, I'd been like that for 30 years.
I could identify myself in Anne Lister, she was such a strong character and so brave, erm, to be open with how she felt, because I personally know what it's like to feel like that.
In the 1960s, same-sex relationships of any sort were frowned upon.
Even though lesbian relationships were not actually illegal, but nobody ever talked about it.
The swashbuckling approach, the thumping stride, the tough man's clothes.
These things are natural to some lesbians, but mostly unacceptable to people outside that world.
Today, attitudes to lesbianism have changed beyond all recognition for women like Pauline.
Even so, she's decided that she doesn't want to be completely recognisable, so hairstyles and names have been changed.
From a very early age, I realised my sexual orientation.
As I got into my teens, I started having kind of slight relationships with people.
And then I met Trixie in the work situation, she was very young, very beautiful and very easy to fall in love with.
We were actually together for 22 years.
We separated, because Trixie felt she should do what everybody else does and be going out with men and meeting up with men.
I was absolutely heartbroken when we split up.
It took me a long, long time to get back on my feet and realise that I had to go on.
Life was still in front of me.
I did try to have other relationships, but somehow it never worked.
Nobody could ever take Trixie's place.
I just threw myself into work.
I watched Gentleman Jack and was very affected by it emotionally.
And it really stirred me into doing something.
I couldn't just sit and do nothing any more.
I had a photograph of Trixie in the drawer of my desk and every now and again would get the photograph out and just gaze at it and wonder, should I or should I not try and find her and get in touch again? I found out where I thought she might be.
I wrote this card that had my contact details on one side and I just wrote on the back, "Would love to know how you are".
That card actually laid on my desk for a number of weeks before I was actually brave enough to post it.
I did post it and waited with great trepidation.
Eventually I did get a reply.
I got home from work and there on the floor was a white envelope and I just recognised the handwriting.
I thought, "No, that can't be".
And I opened it, and there it was, very basic, "How are you?" Absolutely gobsmacked.
I think it was a couple of days later the phone rang and it was Trixie.
And she plucked up courage to ring, and that was a very, very emotional moment after all those years to actually talk to each other.
- We just cried most of the time.
- Well, we did, really.
Yeah.
And it got more and more every day.
And then she said, "Why don't you come for a holiday?" And she said, "I'll come and pick you up".
- She stayed for two weeks.
- Yeah.
Two weeks.
And in that time decided, that, yes, we were going to get back together again.
And it was just as if that 35 years had never, ever happened.
I think that goes on there.
That's it.
I would love to go to Shibden Hall.
Just brings the whole story to life, doesn't it? Yeah, it does.
We shall have to look into that.
I wonder if there's a special trip with a coach that we could get so we don't have to drive? - Maybe.
- Yeah.
We'll have to look into that.
Over the years, when I got engaged to people, there was never that depth of love there, so I didn't bother, I just didn't want to marry them.
And I think deep down, that was the only one ever took my heart, was this lady, really.
It's amazing that we had to be apart for so many years.
And here we are, back together.
Attitudes have changed a lot, and I think things like Gentleman Jack have done a lot for society and an awful lot of people have benefited from that.
I will never cease to admire Anne Lister and Ann Walker, because they were very brave people.
The second series of Gentleman Jack is under way.
It's being filmed at Anne Lister's real home, Shibden Hall, just outside Halifax.
I'm just really pleased that more people know about Anne Lister.
I'm pleased that people are interested - to know about Anne Lister now.
- Yeah.
You know, she deserves to be much more famous than she has been.
And I think that is the incredible thing, off the back of this show, that it's now that it's now part of the history of Halifax and the country.
But it is because of what you've done.
It's a strange situation that a TV show has told a bit of history that people - didn't know before.
- Yeah.
You've taken the diary and not missed a beat.
Like, you know, these characters aren't just kind of, like, thinly drawn.
Like, you've gone so deep into every aspect of their relationship, which is beautiful.
Quiet now, please.
Action! Ah, here we are.
- Ah, how was your journey? - Bit of a delay.
- Thank you for inviting me.
- You're very welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I've had so many letters, I'm sure you guys have had so many more, from people saying, "I watched the show and I was able to confront who I am and be comfortable with it".
And it gives a visual reference to their parents, to their friends, to say, "Look at this amazing woman".
To go, "Oh, that's how I feel.
It's OK to explore my gender in that way.
It's OK to explore my sexuality in that way, and to be courageous with it".
There's no infection, I'm told.
He's been very lucky, he's healing well.
It were very good of you, ma'am, to pay for Dr Kenny.
It was my sister who paid for Dr Kenny, but, yes, it was very kind of her.
Do you think she looks better without the hat? Yeah, I suppose so, but I still don't like her.
Are you a man? No, I am not a man.
I'm a lady, a woman, I'm a lady woman.
Think she explains that very well! But I think, yeah, it's just a little boy confused as to her appearance.
But it doesn't faze her, and I think she deals with it really nicely.
What do you think, Mum? I thought she was really nice with this little boy.
I think this is a part that I like.
Yeah, it's a really nice, touching scene.
I think it is getting better as time's going on.
She does want me to just, like, get married and have kids, as she's done.
But I have asked her what her problem is, and she says it's like a generational thing.
She's not grown up around that sort of alternative lifestyle, and she says it's not been in the family.
But again, it's like, well, she was the first to date black men and have children with them, so I just don't get where that source of hatred is coming from.
It limits how close we can be and how much we can share and how much she knows about my life, erm, which is a shame.
She's been promising me to do this for ages.
Ten years after coming out to her mum, Sami has plucked up the courage to broach the subject again.
You know how when I first told you about my sexuality? - Yeah.
- You were so upset and crying and then maybe some anger, - do you remember? - Yeah.
So I just want to check now, why was that? I was It was a shock.
I never expected it.
Were you disappointed? At the time, going back, yeah, I'm not going to lie.
And there's been some hurtful things that were said.
I know you've said stuff like I needed to be straightened out and I wasn't born like this.
Those comments, was that part of the shock, or ? Yeah, course it was.
Because I just want to know, like, what place that's come from? Is it, like, genuine hatred or just ? No, I didn't hate you in any way.
I just thought that it was a passing fancy and it would go away.
It's felt to me like you'd be more accepting if I was with a guy that was a criminal or crook.
That's more acceptable than being with a woman.
Well, it's not like that.
It's how it's come across, which is very hurtful, really.
Looking back, when you told me, you think, "Gosh, what are people going to think?" But now as long as you find, go meet somebody, maybe a man or woman, I don't mind, as long as you're happy.
It's unlikely to be a man, I'm afraid.
But, yeah, it's really good to know going forward that, you know, I can be more at ease and more open, because I think that will allow me to progress.
And what if I meet someone and want to get married, - would you come to that wedding? - Of course I would.
And would you be proud about it, or ? I don't know.
I'd have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Yeah, it took me a long time to get my head around it.
But I have now.
It's your choice.
What you want.
Good.
Next foot! I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, more commonly known as the Mormon Church.
I was an avid teenybopper Osmond fan.
And their mother used to always be putting stuff in the magazines about faith, it was sometimes seen as a cult.
But because of the Osmonds, I knew how good they were and how nice they were.
So I decided I would get baptised.
Homosexuality is a sin.
Same-sex marriage is a sin.
So that's difficult.
I can say probably to people, I'm gay and, you know, they'll understand, and they may well eventually treat me normally, and it'll be all OK.
But if I met somebody, then I'm not really welcome, because then that's viewed as the sin.
You know, in my heart, I just love my faith.
If I just forget about meeting anybody, or that ever happening, then I can participate in all of that, but I can't have that joy.
You know, it is quite emotional, it's just like, "What, do I just hang on and sacrifice that?" What do I do? Because either way, there's going to be a sacrifice.
A year after first hearing about Anne Lister, Yvonne has just come out to her daughter, Laurie.
I was trying to say and I couldn't, and then she just said, "Are you gay?" This is the first time I'm going to actually meet her and see her face-to-face, so I'm a little bit nervous.
Yvonne brought up her children, Laurie and Jordan, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Laurie is still an active church member.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- I can't give you a hug.
- I know.
- Sit here.
- Sit here.
- It's windy.
- Oh, babe, how are you feeling? Yeah, it was a weird one! Not what I expected on the phone.
No.
Oh! It just felt like a whole ton of bricks had been taken off my shoulders.
Like, knowing me.
Like, knowing me deeper than I realised.
- Yeah.
- When you said, "I can well see you with somebody", you know.
Yeah.
That makes way more sense.
You know, you kind of know where my joy would be.
That's what I would want for you, because I can tell that would make you really happy.
And that's all I want for you.
Yeah.
I just thought, "This is unbelievable".
And I just couldn't believe that it would be so positive.
- Shall we go for a walk? - Yeah.
My main concern is what you're going to do about Jordan.
When are you planning on saying anything? Probably today, - I will probably have to say the word.
- He'll catch on quick.
And if I can't say the word, I'll get him to phone Laurie! You're just going to use me now! I'm going to be the spokesperson! OK.
Hi, Jord.
- "Hello.
" - Hiya, where are you? - "Where am I?" - Mmhm.
All right, OK.
Have you got a minute? - "Yeah.
Why, what's up?" - Erm, well.
A bomb's fell on top of me, Jordan, I just realised something about myself.
Erm I'm not straight.
"Oh, right, OK.
" "That makes sense.
" "Oh, right, OK.
That makes sense!" - "Good for you, Mum.
" - Oh, thank goodness, Jordan.
I've been, like, terrified.
- "All right, see you, Mum.
" - OK, son, love you.
- Bye.
- "Love you too, Bye.
" What kind of kids have I got? They're just amazing.
Just amazing.
I love, and only love, the fairer sex.
My heart revolts from any other love than theirs.
200 years ago, Anne Lister had no qualms reconciling her love for women - with her faith.
- I was born like this, and I act as my God given nature dictates.
If I was to lie with a man, surely that would be unnatural.
Surely that would be against God, who made us, every one of us, in all of our richness.
Anne's confidence has inspired many of her fans whose faith is also important to them.
I grew up in an ultra Orthodox Jewish community.
I came out, basically, because of the show, because of the courage.
I, like, said to myself, "This is a woman in the 18th century".
I live now, maybe inside, I live in the 18th century in some way, but outside, I can go and tell everyone that I am lesbian.
There's never been something that has impacted me so greatly.
And it was because of the representation.
There's this woman who unapologetically chose to live a life that made her happy, which included her being both with a woman, and being in her faith.
That line where she said, "God made me this way", that just, like, really was powerful, because it was just like, people want to be, like, "Oh, you're going against God and going against this, you're going against that".
But you're not.
This is just who you are, and there's nothing wrong with it.
I want you to be my wife and everything that that means.
To love, to cherish, to have and to hold according to God's holy ordinance.
Katie met her partner, code-breaker Isabel, five years ago in their church choir.
They share Anne Lister's faith and her desire to marry in church.
It's reaching the point in our relationship where we would really like to get married.
I thought we had marriage equality, so finding out that we can't marry in the church where we met was a really hard realisation.
The legal systems within the United Kingdom recognise same-sex marriage.
But the Church of England does not sanction marriage ceremonies between same-sex couples.
People always say to me, "Why do you need to get married in church?" I mean, the obvious thing is it's where we met.
We spend every week, week in, week out, every Friday, every Sunday, being part of the congregation.
But also I do want to get married in the sight of God.
Just everybody else looks happy, and she doesn't.
She knows how important it would be to her to be in a marriage.
Yeah, it's denied her.
Take and eat this in remembrance that Christ died for thee, and feed on him in your hearts by faith with thanksgiving.
- The body of Christ, which is given for thee.
- Amen.
That's the significance of taking the sacrament together, is that's the moment that they are the closest to God.
Kneel next to each other just like you would in a real wedding.
It's been nearly 190 years, and we know exactly how they feel.
Things have changed so much in so many ways.
But as far as getting married in a church, we are exactly where they were.
That sort of frustration at not being able to have this, - well, that's completely relatable to me.
- Yeah.
Yvonne came out to her son Jordan on the phone.
They haven't spoken about it since.
- Hi, Mother.
How are you? - Yeah, I'm fine, son.
So how did you feel after that phone call? It's just classic you, you sit in your own world.
I don't even think it's crossed your mind until you watched that thing.
It didn't.
It didn't.
A lot of things make sense now.
Good for you.
Crack on, get yourself a girlfriend, Mum.
- Are you on Tinder? - Well, that's weird.
No, no, no! 63 and all to play for now, though, Mum.
- Oh, get lost! - All to play for.
It would definitely be a plunge.
Well, dive headfirst.
You made the first step.
Make another one.
Why not? How are you, sister? All right.
How are you, brother? Not too bad.
Jordan left the Mormon church years ago, but his sister Laurie is still an active member.
I don't think we have properly sat down and chatted really, - have we? - Not about this.
Nothing has changed in my world at the moment, but when this moves on to the next bit, - when random people do know - Yeah.
then I am a bit worried.
It'll not affect me, but I'm like, how will it affect you? You, I'm not so worried about.
I don't think it will affect you at all.
That's because no-one will come to you! I go to church, you don't go to church, so anyone at church is going to come to me.
They usually don't ask the source, do they? They usually go round the back way.
- It's all right.
- It's definitely you I worry about, I definitely do.
So the church rule on being homosexual is the weirdest, most confusing rule I've ever heard in my life.
That you can be openly gay, as long as you don't physically act upon it.
Like, that does not compute in my head whatsoever with church.
- I don't get it.
- I don't feel that.
And I come from a place of - I can make changes in the church.
- Yeah.
Absolutely.
- 'Cos I do consider myself an ally.
- Yeah.
But I also consider myself a full member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
- Yeah.
- And we are at a - head with everything at the minute.
- Yes.
Yes.
There's certain things that I have to leave behind, - because it hurts.
- Yeah.
It just hurts when there's certain things they say.
And I know that they don't understand, and I know what it's like for people to feel, you know, they think they're being kind.
You know, like, "Well, I love you, but I don't love your lifestyle", or whatever.
You know.
It's just this patronising kind of And now I really feel it more.
If a relationship came up, I would want a relationship, because life is too short now.
I couldn't imagine if you did have a connection with somebody and you wanted to go with that, I would then have to deprive myself of that experience.
I mean, I don't think I'll ever lose my faith, and the church will always be a special place for me.
But there comes a point, by knowing this, that I kind of know, "Oh, I get it now".
Actually, this is me, and this is how God made me.
So I'm not going to apologise for that.
That was me at Rio Carnival.
That's normal me.
One at Shibden.
Sami's also ready to take the next steps in her search for romance and has enlisted her mum to help.
So these are some of them that have liked me.
Too much posing on that one! That's a no.
She lives for solitude.
So why's she on here? - Into non-monogamy? - What's that? She's not just with one person.
Your face! It's like you're in a state of shock.
No, no, no, no.
I am a bit choosy.
What are you looking for, Sam? Someone who's sociable and has their own life going on, job and friends and stuff.
But someone who's not shy of, like, you know, cleaning the kitchen floor and chipping in in housework.
Someone who's quite down-to-earth.
I don't know if that sounds too much, but those are the sorts of things I'm looking for, really.
This one is 31.
She's into healthfoods, fitness.
She's got a nose piercing.
Doesn't matter.
As long as nothing else is pierced! - And what do you think? - Give it a go.
Him and her looking for a third to have fun.
- So I'm going to say yes to that.
- You're not, are you? No, I'm not! Of course! As if! - That's a no.
- Oh, God.
I loved that.
She really seemed to want to be part of it.
She made clear she wouldn't be keen on me being with someone overly butch or someone that wears big boots, in her words, that sort of dress.
I think dress does matter to her image.
But overall, I just feel more comfortable.
It does make a huge difference, allowing her to be more involved in that part of my life.
I feel like we can move forward.
Finding out two years or so ago that we couldn't marry in the church where we met and in front of all our friends was a really hard thing and it just sometimes feels like the whole church is against you.
But it's not the case, there are so many clergy who would want to, I think.
Despite Isabel and Katie's church being inclusive, Church of England priests are forbidden from marrying same-sex couples.
It's massively frustrating for those of us who feel it's the right thing to do as priests to be able to marry people who love each other and are rooted in this congregation.
You know, that feels instinctively right, and I know that you could go round the corner to the town hall, to the register office and you could come back here and we could have music, and we could have prayers and I could speak the words of blessing.
But that's not the point somehow, really.
Yeah.
- Could you get butter and eggs, please? - Yeah.
Anne Lister's bravery inspired Isabel to take on the Church of England, by standing for election to the Church's lawmakers, the General Synod.
I just woke up one morning, sat up in bed, and just said, "Sod it, I'm going to do it".
I am interested in more things than talking about same-sex marriage in churches, I am interested in learning more.
But obviously, that is the main reason why I am standing.
Change is happening, it's only a matter of time, frankly, I just would really like it to be in the next ten years of my life rather than when I'm an old lady, frankly.
But we'll get there.
We have to.
Camera is going up.
I'll never play anyone else like her because she's theatrical, she's sensitive, she's vulnerable, she's charismatic, she's sexy, she's hard, she's vicious, she's cruel at times.
I mean, what a gift.
That's why it's resonated with so many people, because there's no-one like her on our screens, you know.
I've spent a lot of my career feeling quite silly sometimes about being an actor.
It's very easy to think, "I'm not really doing anything".
That's why it's been so special being a part of this, because it really has impacted people's lives.
It's the first time I've written something that I think was important.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Actually important.
So I'm just packing my bag, ready to go out to Pride.
I'm trying to fit everything in here that I'll need for the day.
I've just got my reading glasses, my sunglasses.
That's pretty much everything that will fit.
Before, I wouldn't have worn this outside of the Gay Village, I would have kept it in a bag and put it on when I'm in there, because I wouldn't want neighbours to sort of guess, or anything like that.
But now it's like, "Yep, I'm going out there with this on".
And they can like it or lump it, really, you know.
Hi, Mum.
Are you going to take that hat with you? Yeah, just for a laugh.
I'm more worried about the shorts.
- No, they look all right.
- Really? Yeah.
There's my answer.
See you later, Luther.
Watch what you're doing.
- Thank you.
- Be careful.
I will.
I'll see later.
Or you might not, actually, I might pull and not come home! - Bye.
- See you later.
- Watch how you go.
- I will.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- I thought I would run by you - Go on.
- a little ditty I've written.
- Yeah? It just encapsulates how mad my life has been since this.
OK.
The journey, it started just watching the TV ♪ Anne Lister in Gentleman Jack ♪ And I was astonished at how proudly she walked ♪ With self-acceptance and no apology ♪ So here I am, embracing rainbows ♪ My colours for all to see ♪ 'Cos finally I see every shade that makes me.
♪ I like it, Mum.
I like it.
Next Pride anthem, that one.
- I learnt a song, Mum.
- Oh, did you? I did, yeah.
Just for you, Mum, in your current situation.
I'm coming out ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Embrace more rainbows, Mum.
I'm coming ♪ Sami is still looking for a soulmate.
Kiki is very happy her whole family now knows the real her.
Isabel narrowly missed out on election to the Synod, but she's going to try again.
Yvonne's made new friends through the Anne Lister fan groups.
And Pauline and Trixie finally visited Shibden Hall.
I'm coming out ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Got to let it show ♪ I'm coming out ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Got to let it show ♪ There's a new me coming out ♪ And I just have to live ♪ And I wanna give ♪ I'm completely positive ♪
I'm in love with you.
I always have been.
- I'm not as strong as you think.
- Well, I am.
Well, I am, obviously, but It's just beautiful to see that, you know, to see real love.
There's a different kind of connection and I don't I can't describe it, but it's just like, "Ah, yeah.
That is what I am".
The drama series Gentleman Jack is based on the real life of Anne Lister, a 19th century Yorkshire landowner.
I love and only love the fairer sex.
Her private life was discovered in secret diaries revealing her loves, lusts and heartbreaks.
Anne Lister has just been immortalised.
How are you feeling about that? Anne Lister is an inspiration to be visible, to be who you are.
She was very modern, really.
The show, partly inspired by Jill Liddington's book, Female Fortune, has introduced Anne's story to a global audience.
I've come all the way from North America.
This is actually my seventh trip to Halifax.
- Here we go, rehearsal and action.
- Ah, here we are.
I think people didn't know they were looking for a protagonist like that, a hero like that.
And I think that that's why it's resonated with so many people, because there's no-one like her on our screens.
When you write a show, you hope that you'll get good viewing figures, you hope people like it, but the response globally that we've had, this huge emotional response, you don't expect that when you write telly, you just think you're going to entertain people, so it's it's very good, and it's all because of Anne Lister.
Across the world, thousands of women have come together in fan groups and forums to share their stories.
and in some cases, discover their true sexuality.
The Gentleman Jack community is like a family.
Got my little tattoo with the top hat.
I felt loved and valid.
I realised that I was a lesbian.
With women of all ages being emboldened by the portrayal of Anne Lister, this phenomenon has become known as "The Gentleman Jack Effect".
So I've wanted to tell you for ages and ages As I left she hung upon me and cried and sobbed aloud at parting, saying, "I hope we shall meet under happier circumstances".
"Well", said I to myself as I walked off, "a pretty scene we have had".
In the 1800s, the expectation was for women to marry a man and have children.
There was simply no concept of women having their own sexuality.
So Anne Lister spent her life writing about her forbidden loves in her secret journals.
It was therapeutic for her to put down her heartbreaks and love affairs.
I mean, when she can write something like, "I am neither man nor woman in society, how shall I manage?" You know, that is an existential dilemma for her in that day and age.
In the 1930s, when Anne's ancestral home became a museum, her hidden journals were found and donated to the local library.
Over the next 50 years, historians studied them, but Anne's sexual exploits remained secret.
Until local historian Helena Whitbread revealed all.
I wanted to try my hand at freelance writing.
I looked round for something local and I don't know why, but I just thought, "What about this woman called Anne Lister?" I got on the bus and I went down to the local archives.
And there was this young man there and I said to him, "I believe Anne Lister has some letters in the archives here".
And then he said to me these few words that set me off, he said, "Did you know she kept a journal?" And I said, "These journals are written in code".
And I thought, "What would a woman living 200 years ago need to write in a secret code?" And that triggered off intellectual curiosity, basically.
I thought, "She's got something to hide".
It was a little while before I twigged on.
I remember seeing a little phrase and it said, "I think I will have to go to Russia and find myself a wife".
And I thought, "So this is what she's hiding".
Out of the shadows of history, you might say, came these wonderfully depicted people in her life, women that she was in love with.
And slowly, as I worked through, all these wonderful characters emerged.
So thunder thunder storm last Oh, that's an N, so that's going to be night.
So here, she's switching into code, which is where things get fun.
Volunteer code-breakers all over the world are helping the West Yorkshire Archive to continue to unlock Anne's secrets.
Oh, "Very good kiss".
So I got some of the "Lairy good iss", some of the sounds, but missed a couple of the letters.
Isabel is one of the code-breakers and a long time fan of Anne Lister's.
It was about five years ago that I picked up the diaries and I thought they were so fascinating.
Jane Austen, I specialised in at university, and it's incredible to imagine that Anne Lister was walking around at the same time.
She seems in some ways very modern.
I've just finished this whole bit here.
"There's a big thunderstorm".
And then she switches into the code.
And she says, "In the midst of all this, we drew close together, made love and had one of the most delightfully long tender kisses we've ever had".
I just love the switch.
All of the sort of quite boring, "Oh, yeah, there's a thunderstorm".
And then a quick quickie, and then straight back out! It's fascinating, really.
So in May 2019, the BBC launched a series called Gentleman Jack.
And this is where my troubles began.
I saw my life growing up came vividly back and it hit me, "I'm not straight".
I cried, I wept, shook, and at the point even laughed at the absurdity of it all, as despite my tender 63 years of age, I have no idea how to navigate my way through this.
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have kids.
I was happy because I was on the road that everybody's on, so I'm normal.
I'm OK.
I always wanted a white suit like Suzi Quatro.
But then, I want to live the dream that everybody dreams about.
So I went for a proper wedding dress.
Here starts the single parent journey, new chapter, different hairdo, no fuss.
Just get on with life and managing these two kids.
Hiding, operating out of this false kind of person, and you can lose track of the real self, who you are.
To know that, because you're trying so busy to be like everybody else.
And maybe that was the relief when I discovered this, because it was just like, "Ah, that's why.
That's why ", you know, " you couldn't feel what other people felt.
That's "Ah, that makes sense".
And it was like a relief.
And for that second, it was like, "Oh, my gosh, that's brilliant.
Now I know.
And that makes sense.
"Now my life, now, yeah, that fits with me".
But then you have to navigate the rest of your life.
They say, "Well, you know, if you don't want to come out, you don't have to".
Do I really need to tell? But I don't want to keep secrets from my kids.
It's just not me.
I'm a 33-year-old lesbian, I'm mixed race Arabic and English and live with my mother.
I work as a lawyer, but I'm also a carer for her in the hours I have spare.
We watched Gentleman Jack together, and I absolutely loved it.
I found strength within myself through watching how Anne struggled and held her own.
However, my mum didn't like her dress or manner.
She was in denial for a long time about my sexuality, and still might be inside.
Finding the love of my life is an ongoing and slow process.
Anne's given me the drive to keep looking.
I hope that you enjoyed my story.
Sami is one of the many thousands of women worldwide who've embraced fan groups celebrating Anne Lister.
She manages full-time work as a lawyer with caring for her mum, Hazel.
When I fall, she's there, she picks me up.
She takes me everywhere I want to go.
She became a barrister, and now she's studying to be a solicitor.
I think that's his call to have his breakfast.
I'm daughter and carer, and my job is quite demanding, because I'm juggling quite a lot of things at the same time.
I've found it's been quite stressful recently, 'cos her health is not getting better.
That was my call to the bar.
Less than 50% of people that join actually make it through and pass.
So I am in an elite bunch there.
This is the thing with me and my mum, she thinks I should be married to a Mark Darcy, living the Bridget Jones lifestyle and living in a mansion.
But it's not quite worked out like that, for many reasons! Sami came out to her mum ten years ago, when she was 23.
At first, I thought she was joking with me, as she does.
Always joking.
And she said, "No, Mum, it's the truth".
I was stunned more than anything, and I didn't know how to talk to her about it.
I think that might've been one time I've not been there for her, because I just didn't know really what to say.
And it was never mentioned again.
Initially, she cried.
And then this sort of anger, rage, and then the hatred came out.
It was the hurtful comments, like, "You weren't born like this".
It has scarred me, as it was like a different person.
I do feel I've had to, like, go back in the closet.
I've brought people round I've been seeing, but just introduced them as friends, just to try and keep her at bay.
Seeing how Anne Lister faced her society back in, like, the 1830s and how different she was, was just energising for me.
She didn't let it stop her from being herself, and I think that, to me, is very touching, and that's the inspiring part.
So, different set of circumstances, I don't have my own estate! But, you know, still face challenges that are quite difficult, really.
Anne Lister singlehandedly ran her family estate near Halifax.
She was also an intrepid traveller.
In 1840, during a trip to Russia, Anne died from a fever, aged 49.
She's buried here, in Halifax Minster.
The exact location of her grave is now unknown, as her tombstone went missing some years after her death.
She was an amazing woman.
She is a person who people in my community see as a real hero.
She's someone we can look up to.
She was filled with courage, she was filled with determination she wanted to live her own life in the way that she firmly believed that God had created her to live.
To find a place where she was interred here in the Minster is something that feels spiritually important to me and to thousands of women.
And even more so to have a place that we can come to and know that she's here.
In March 2000, during renovations to the Minster, Anne's shattered tombstone was found under a raised platform by stonemason Andrew Barraclough.
They've had a big hammer and they've struck that, and that's what that to form that type of a break.
- That was a heck of a hit.
- That's a Yeah, a big hammer.
- Yeah.
- And the same there.
So they've hit there - and they've hit there.
- Yeah.
- Her stone has been desecrated.
- Yeah.
- Call it what you want.
- Yeah, literally.
- Within living memory, - Yeah.
- which is really, really sad.
- Yeah.
She was a very prominent person in Halifax.
- There's no two ways about it, you know.
- Yeah.
Anybody that was anybody - Got it.
- knew that she was who she was.
And I feel she's not being - treated as she should have been treated.
- Yeah.
I say I've no axe to grind.
- Right.
- I just, as a person, I feel that she's not been treated in the right way, not been shown any respect.
Are you going home? What the hell are you doing? I asked you if you're going home.
Some people think it's time you went home.
Keep still! - You dirty fucking Jack! - Damn you! "Jack" was a slur used against lesbians in the 19th century.
Anne Lister was dubbed "Gentleman" or "Jack" by people who disapproved of her lifestyle and nonconforming dress sense.
Leave Miss Walker alone.
I think that stood out to me, not for, like, "I love that scene".
No.
It's because that's how I felt when I was younger.
I felt like around every corner was someone who was just going to hate me.
I have this lump in my throat knowing that there's a chance of her being beaten up to pulp just because she lives in this body and someone from the outside comes and decides for her that this is the body that you live in.
Thus, this is what you are, and I can do these things to you because I'm more powerful.
So, yes, that's definitely something that got my heart rate up.
It took me ages to realise I was gay.
I still had, like, quite a lot of shame surrounding it, I think.
And I still kind of struggle with that a little bit.
At the moment, I'm still not out to my grandparents.
Whenever they've said the word "gay" it's always in a negative light most of the time.
So, you know, things like that kind of made me really think, "Oh, is it a good idea?" 22-year-old Kiki came out to her parents after watching Gentleman Jack.
I was watching so many shows with so many queer characters and queer relationships, and I think it finally dawned on me that straight people don't really care that much, they're not that invested to the point where, you know, it takes up most of their thoughts of the day.
Get that slow-mo spray! I did go through a period of thinking that I was pansexual, and I didn't really know.
And then realising, "OK, I definitely am gay, that's just Yeah".
I told my mum straight after I realised, because it felt like, not that I was lying to her, but definitely that I was keeping something from her which I never do, so I told her pretty quick.
I think I had to come out the first time to get the ball rolling, and then I had, like, a year or something kind of getting used to it and being more comfortable with it before I then told my sisters.
Pickle! At least smile for the video! I was quite grateful to be able to do it how I wanted to do it, tell people as I wanted to tell them and go at my own pace, which was quite nice.
- Oh, banger! - I know! - Shall we all try standing up? - Are you sure? My family know that I'm gay, but my grandparents don't.
My sexuality isn't my whole personality, but sometimes it is.
And sometimes I, you know, have, I don't know, days where, like, I want to say something or reference something or make a joke about something, and I stop myself because I'm like, "Oh, I can't".
Because then obviously they'd know, and um, it's just the actual, getting it out, getting it over, like, the last hurdle.
I want to go and tell them tomorrow.
Because we're so close, I don't want to think about us not being that close.
But I just want to know that they're seeing me for me, because sometimes if they're saying, "We love you", and I'm like, "Oh, but would you if you knew?" I don't want to have to feel like I'm kind of squashing half of me down when I'm around them.
The thought of kind of being like, "Here's me, take it or leave it", is quite scary because, you know, it matters when the people mean so much to you.
Before visiting, Kiki told her grandparents she's being filmed for a documentary about Anne Lister.
Oh, hello! - How are you? - I haven't seen you for ages.
I know.
Grandad! Hello, my darling.
- You all right? - Mwah.
- You are? - Yes, thank you.
I'm sure you've grown! I've shrunk, or you've grown.
Well, let me take my shoes off.
Look, there we go, I've shrunk again now! So, are we going to know what's going on, then, are we, or ? Erm, OK.
Erm, yeah.
So I want to tell you for ages and ages, but, well, I'm gay.
So, that's it, that's all I wanted to say! God, are we embarrassed! I knew you were going to say that! We live with a gay granddaughter! I can't believe it.
So, do you have a girlfriend at the moment? - No.
- What's the point of being gay? Well ! Going through all this and not - not have a girlfriend! - You know, one day! I'd have kept quiet! Grandad, I kept quiet for three years! - Three years? - Well I mean, you're still young.
You're positive about it? This is where you're going? Yes, absolutely.
Definitely.
No questions! Do you visit gay bars? Erm, sometimes.
- Not that often, but sometimes.
- Not yet.
You haven't really got into it.
- Well, I've been to - Are you a little beginner? Yeah, I've only been to a couple, but not that many.
You'd be a good catch for some young lady.
Certainly doesn't worry me, my lovey.
Whatever you Oh, thanks, Grandad.
want to do, we love you.
You are very brave to tell us.
- Oh, thank you.
- Well done.
I can't believe it! Thank you very much for telling us.
- You're still the same Kiki.
- Yeah.
It doesn't matter what it is.
But you seem happier.
Oh, that's good.
I feel happier.
Yeah.
That's good.
That's everything.
- I loves you, Grandad.
- I love you, my lovey.
- It makes no difference at all.
- Ah, thank you, Grandad.
It was just saying it, and I think I still got I still find it hard even just to say the word "gay".
Like, I still I have to push it out, because, like, the amount of shame that is still there.
But I can come for the weekend and enjoy it.
And I don't have to question that when they say that they love me, I know that they love all of me and I don't have to worry.
I just know that they do, and I can just accept it and move on with the rest of my day.
- All right? - All good.
You did very, very well.
Well done.
See? Nature played a challenging trick on me, putting a bold spirit like mine in this vessel in which I'm obliged to wear frills and petticoats.
Well, I refuse to be cowed by it.
People can be very cruel.
Shame on them.
I don't want you to be hurt.
Sometimes if we want to be happy, we have to risk getting hurt.
I watched Gentleman Jack when it was on and I was living alone.
I didn't have a relationship, I'd been like that for 30 years.
I could identify myself in Anne Lister, she was such a strong character and so brave, erm, to be open with how she felt, because I personally know what it's like to feel like that.
In the 1960s, same-sex relationships of any sort were frowned upon.
Even though lesbian relationships were not actually illegal, but nobody ever talked about it.
The swashbuckling approach, the thumping stride, the tough man's clothes.
These things are natural to some lesbians, but mostly unacceptable to people outside that world.
Today, attitudes to lesbianism have changed beyond all recognition for women like Pauline.
Even so, she's decided that she doesn't want to be completely recognisable, so hairstyles and names have been changed.
From a very early age, I realised my sexual orientation.
As I got into my teens, I started having kind of slight relationships with people.
And then I met Trixie in the work situation, she was very young, very beautiful and very easy to fall in love with.
We were actually together for 22 years.
We separated, because Trixie felt she should do what everybody else does and be going out with men and meeting up with men.
I was absolutely heartbroken when we split up.
It took me a long, long time to get back on my feet and realise that I had to go on.
Life was still in front of me.
I did try to have other relationships, but somehow it never worked.
Nobody could ever take Trixie's place.
I just threw myself into work.
I watched Gentleman Jack and was very affected by it emotionally.
And it really stirred me into doing something.
I couldn't just sit and do nothing any more.
I had a photograph of Trixie in the drawer of my desk and every now and again would get the photograph out and just gaze at it and wonder, should I or should I not try and find her and get in touch again? I found out where I thought she might be.
I wrote this card that had my contact details on one side and I just wrote on the back, "Would love to know how you are".
That card actually laid on my desk for a number of weeks before I was actually brave enough to post it.
I did post it and waited with great trepidation.
Eventually I did get a reply.
I got home from work and there on the floor was a white envelope and I just recognised the handwriting.
I thought, "No, that can't be".
And I opened it, and there it was, very basic, "How are you?" Absolutely gobsmacked.
I think it was a couple of days later the phone rang and it was Trixie.
And she plucked up courage to ring, and that was a very, very emotional moment after all those years to actually talk to each other.
- We just cried most of the time.
- Well, we did, really.
Yeah.
And it got more and more every day.
And then she said, "Why don't you come for a holiday?" And she said, "I'll come and pick you up".
- She stayed for two weeks.
- Yeah.
Two weeks.
And in that time decided, that, yes, we were going to get back together again.
And it was just as if that 35 years had never, ever happened.
I think that goes on there.
That's it.
I would love to go to Shibden Hall.
Just brings the whole story to life, doesn't it? Yeah, it does.
We shall have to look into that.
I wonder if there's a special trip with a coach that we could get so we don't have to drive? - Maybe.
- Yeah.
We'll have to look into that.
Over the years, when I got engaged to people, there was never that depth of love there, so I didn't bother, I just didn't want to marry them.
And I think deep down, that was the only one ever took my heart, was this lady, really.
It's amazing that we had to be apart for so many years.
And here we are, back together.
Attitudes have changed a lot, and I think things like Gentleman Jack have done a lot for society and an awful lot of people have benefited from that.
I will never cease to admire Anne Lister and Ann Walker, because they were very brave people.
The second series of Gentleman Jack is under way.
It's being filmed at Anne Lister's real home, Shibden Hall, just outside Halifax.
I'm just really pleased that more people know about Anne Lister.
I'm pleased that people are interested - to know about Anne Lister now.
- Yeah.
You know, she deserves to be much more famous than she has been.
And I think that is the incredible thing, off the back of this show, that it's now that it's now part of the history of Halifax and the country.
But it is because of what you've done.
It's a strange situation that a TV show has told a bit of history that people - didn't know before.
- Yeah.
You've taken the diary and not missed a beat.
Like, you know, these characters aren't just kind of, like, thinly drawn.
Like, you've gone so deep into every aspect of their relationship, which is beautiful.
Quiet now, please.
Action! Ah, here we are.
- Ah, how was your journey? - Bit of a delay.
- Thank you for inviting me.
- You're very welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I've had so many letters, I'm sure you guys have had so many more, from people saying, "I watched the show and I was able to confront who I am and be comfortable with it".
And it gives a visual reference to their parents, to their friends, to say, "Look at this amazing woman".
To go, "Oh, that's how I feel.
It's OK to explore my gender in that way.
It's OK to explore my sexuality in that way, and to be courageous with it".
There's no infection, I'm told.
He's been very lucky, he's healing well.
It were very good of you, ma'am, to pay for Dr Kenny.
It was my sister who paid for Dr Kenny, but, yes, it was very kind of her.
Do you think she looks better without the hat? Yeah, I suppose so, but I still don't like her.
Are you a man? No, I am not a man.
I'm a lady, a woman, I'm a lady woman.
Think she explains that very well! But I think, yeah, it's just a little boy confused as to her appearance.
But it doesn't faze her, and I think she deals with it really nicely.
What do you think, Mum? I thought she was really nice with this little boy.
I think this is a part that I like.
Yeah, it's a really nice, touching scene.
I think it is getting better as time's going on.
She does want me to just, like, get married and have kids, as she's done.
But I have asked her what her problem is, and she says it's like a generational thing.
She's not grown up around that sort of alternative lifestyle, and she says it's not been in the family.
But again, it's like, well, she was the first to date black men and have children with them, so I just don't get where that source of hatred is coming from.
It limits how close we can be and how much we can share and how much she knows about my life, erm, which is a shame.
She's been promising me to do this for ages.
Ten years after coming out to her mum, Sami has plucked up the courage to broach the subject again.
You know how when I first told you about my sexuality? - Yeah.
- You were so upset and crying and then maybe some anger, - do you remember? - Yeah.
So I just want to check now, why was that? I was It was a shock.
I never expected it.
Were you disappointed? At the time, going back, yeah, I'm not going to lie.
And there's been some hurtful things that were said.
I know you've said stuff like I needed to be straightened out and I wasn't born like this.
Those comments, was that part of the shock, or ? Yeah, course it was.
Because I just want to know, like, what place that's come from? Is it, like, genuine hatred or just ? No, I didn't hate you in any way.
I just thought that it was a passing fancy and it would go away.
It's felt to me like you'd be more accepting if I was with a guy that was a criminal or crook.
That's more acceptable than being with a woman.
Well, it's not like that.
It's how it's come across, which is very hurtful, really.
Looking back, when you told me, you think, "Gosh, what are people going to think?" But now as long as you find, go meet somebody, maybe a man or woman, I don't mind, as long as you're happy.
It's unlikely to be a man, I'm afraid.
But, yeah, it's really good to know going forward that, you know, I can be more at ease and more open, because I think that will allow me to progress.
And what if I meet someone and want to get married, - would you come to that wedding? - Of course I would.
And would you be proud about it, or ? I don't know.
I'd have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Yeah, it took me a long time to get my head around it.
But I have now.
It's your choice.
What you want.
Good.
Next foot! I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, more commonly known as the Mormon Church.
I was an avid teenybopper Osmond fan.
And their mother used to always be putting stuff in the magazines about faith, it was sometimes seen as a cult.
But because of the Osmonds, I knew how good they were and how nice they were.
So I decided I would get baptised.
Homosexuality is a sin.
Same-sex marriage is a sin.
So that's difficult.
I can say probably to people, I'm gay and, you know, they'll understand, and they may well eventually treat me normally, and it'll be all OK.
But if I met somebody, then I'm not really welcome, because then that's viewed as the sin.
You know, in my heart, I just love my faith.
If I just forget about meeting anybody, or that ever happening, then I can participate in all of that, but I can't have that joy.
You know, it is quite emotional, it's just like, "What, do I just hang on and sacrifice that?" What do I do? Because either way, there's going to be a sacrifice.
A year after first hearing about Anne Lister, Yvonne has just come out to her daughter, Laurie.
I was trying to say and I couldn't, and then she just said, "Are you gay?" This is the first time I'm going to actually meet her and see her face-to-face, so I'm a little bit nervous.
Yvonne brought up her children, Laurie and Jordan, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Laurie is still an active church member.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- I can't give you a hug.
- I know.
- Sit here.
- Sit here.
- It's windy.
- Oh, babe, how are you feeling? Yeah, it was a weird one! Not what I expected on the phone.
No.
Oh! It just felt like a whole ton of bricks had been taken off my shoulders.
Like, knowing me.
Like, knowing me deeper than I realised.
- Yeah.
- When you said, "I can well see you with somebody", you know.
Yeah.
That makes way more sense.
You know, you kind of know where my joy would be.
That's what I would want for you, because I can tell that would make you really happy.
And that's all I want for you.
Yeah.
I just thought, "This is unbelievable".
And I just couldn't believe that it would be so positive.
- Shall we go for a walk? - Yeah.
My main concern is what you're going to do about Jordan.
When are you planning on saying anything? Probably today, - I will probably have to say the word.
- He'll catch on quick.
And if I can't say the word, I'll get him to phone Laurie! You're just going to use me now! I'm going to be the spokesperson! OK.
Hi, Jord.
- "Hello.
" - Hiya, where are you? - "Where am I?" - Mmhm.
All right, OK.
Have you got a minute? - "Yeah.
Why, what's up?" - Erm, well.
A bomb's fell on top of me, Jordan, I just realised something about myself.
Erm I'm not straight.
"Oh, right, OK.
" "That makes sense.
" "Oh, right, OK.
That makes sense!" - "Good for you, Mum.
" - Oh, thank goodness, Jordan.
I've been, like, terrified.
- "All right, see you, Mum.
" - OK, son, love you.
- Bye.
- "Love you too, Bye.
" What kind of kids have I got? They're just amazing.
Just amazing.
I love, and only love, the fairer sex.
My heart revolts from any other love than theirs.
200 years ago, Anne Lister had no qualms reconciling her love for women - with her faith.
- I was born like this, and I act as my God given nature dictates.
If I was to lie with a man, surely that would be unnatural.
Surely that would be against God, who made us, every one of us, in all of our richness.
Anne's confidence has inspired many of her fans whose faith is also important to them.
I grew up in an ultra Orthodox Jewish community.
I came out, basically, because of the show, because of the courage.
I, like, said to myself, "This is a woman in the 18th century".
I live now, maybe inside, I live in the 18th century in some way, but outside, I can go and tell everyone that I am lesbian.
There's never been something that has impacted me so greatly.
And it was because of the representation.
There's this woman who unapologetically chose to live a life that made her happy, which included her being both with a woman, and being in her faith.
That line where she said, "God made me this way", that just, like, really was powerful, because it was just like, people want to be, like, "Oh, you're going against God and going against this, you're going against that".
But you're not.
This is just who you are, and there's nothing wrong with it.
I want you to be my wife and everything that that means.
To love, to cherish, to have and to hold according to God's holy ordinance.
Katie met her partner, code-breaker Isabel, five years ago in their church choir.
They share Anne Lister's faith and her desire to marry in church.
It's reaching the point in our relationship where we would really like to get married.
I thought we had marriage equality, so finding out that we can't marry in the church where we met was a really hard realisation.
The legal systems within the United Kingdom recognise same-sex marriage.
But the Church of England does not sanction marriage ceremonies between same-sex couples.
People always say to me, "Why do you need to get married in church?" I mean, the obvious thing is it's where we met.
We spend every week, week in, week out, every Friday, every Sunday, being part of the congregation.
But also I do want to get married in the sight of God.
Just everybody else looks happy, and she doesn't.
She knows how important it would be to her to be in a marriage.
Yeah, it's denied her.
Take and eat this in remembrance that Christ died for thee, and feed on him in your hearts by faith with thanksgiving.
- The body of Christ, which is given for thee.
- Amen.
That's the significance of taking the sacrament together, is that's the moment that they are the closest to God.
Kneel next to each other just like you would in a real wedding.
It's been nearly 190 years, and we know exactly how they feel.
Things have changed so much in so many ways.
But as far as getting married in a church, we are exactly where they were.
That sort of frustration at not being able to have this, - well, that's completely relatable to me.
- Yeah.
Yvonne came out to her son Jordan on the phone.
They haven't spoken about it since.
- Hi, Mother.
How are you? - Yeah, I'm fine, son.
So how did you feel after that phone call? It's just classic you, you sit in your own world.
I don't even think it's crossed your mind until you watched that thing.
It didn't.
It didn't.
A lot of things make sense now.
Good for you.
Crack on, get yourself a girlfriend, Mum.
- Are you on Tinder? - Well, that's weird.
No, no, no! 63 and all to play for now, though, Mum.
- Oh, get lost! - All to play for.
It would definitely be a plunge.
Well, dive headfirst.
You made the first step.
Make another one.
Why not? How are you, sister? All right.
How are you, brother? Not too bad.
Jordan left the Mormon church years ago, but his sister Laurie is still an active member.
I don't think we have properly sat down and chatted really, - have we? - Not about this.
Nothing has changed in my world at the moment, but when this moves on to the next bit, - when random people do know - Yeah.
then I am a bit worried.
It'll not affect me, but I'm like, how will it affect you? You, I'm not so worried about.
I don't think it will affect you at all.
That's because no-one will come to you! I go to church, you don't go to church, so anyone at church is going to come to me.
They usually don't ask the source, do they? They usually go round the back way.
- It's all right.
- It's definitely you I worry about, I definitely do.
So the church rule on being homosexual is the weirdest, most confusing rule I've ever heard in my life.
That you can be openly gay, as long as you don't physically act upon it.
Like, that does not compute in my head whatsoever with church.
- I don't get it.
- I don't feel that.
And I come from a place of - I can make changes in the church.
- Yeah.
Absolutely.
- 'Cos I do consider myself an ally.
- Yeah.
But I also consider myself a full member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
- Yeah.
- And we are at a - head with everything at the minute.
- Yes.
Yes.
There's certain things that I have to leave behind, - because it hurts.
- Yeah.
It just hurts when there's certain things they say.
And I know that they don't understand, and I know what it's like for people to feel, you know, they think they're being kind.
You know, like, "Well, I love you, but I don't love your lifestyle", or whatever.
You know.
It's just this patronising kind of And now I really feel it more.
If a relationship came up, I would want a relationship, because life is too short now.
I couldn't imagine if you did have a connection with somebody and you wanted to go with that, I would then have to deprive myself of that experience.
I mean, I don't think I'll ever lose my faith, and the church will always be a special place for me.
But there comes a point, by knowing this, that I kind of know, "Oh, I get it now".
Actually, this is me, and this is how God made me.
So I'm not going to apologise for that.
That was me at Rio Carnival.
That's normal me.
One at Shibden.
Sami's also ready to take the next steps in her search for romance and has enlisted her mum to help.
So these are some of them that have liked me.
Too much posing on that one! That's a no.
She lives for solitude.
So why's she on here? - Into non-monogamy? - What's that? She's not just with one person.
Your face! It's like you're in a state of shock.
No, no, no, no.
I am a bit choosy.
What are you looking for, Sam? Someone who's sociable and has their own life going on, job and friends and stuff.
But someone who's not shy of, like, you know, cleaning the kitchen floor and chipping in in housework.
Someone who's quite down-to-earth.
I don't know if that sounds too much, but those are the sorts of things I'm looking for, really.
This one is 31.
She's into healthfoods, fitness.
She's got a nose piercing.
Doesn't matter.
As long as nothing else is pierced! - And what do you think? - Give it a go.
Him and her looking for a third to have fun.
- So I'm going to say yes to that.
- You're not, are you? No, I'm not! Of course! As if! - That's a no.
- Oh, God.
I loved that.
She really seemed to want to be part of it.
She made clear she wouldn't be keen on me being with someone overly butch or someone that wears big boots, in her words, that sort of dress.
I think dress does matter to her image.
But overall, I just feel more comfortable.
It does make a huge difference, allowing her to be more involved in that part of my life.
I feel like we can move forward.
Finding out two years or so ago that we couldn't marry in the church where we met and in front of all our friends was a really hard thing and it just sometimes feels like the whole church is against you.
But it's not the case, there are so many clergy who would want to, I think.
Despite Isabel and Katie's church being inclusive, Church of England priests are forbidden from marrying same-sex couples.
It's massively frustrating for those of us who feel it's the right thing to do as priests to be able to marry people who love each other and are rooted in this congregation.
You know, that feels instinctively right, and I know that you could go round the corner to the town hall, to the register office and you could come back here and we could have music, and we could have prayers and I could speak the words of blessing.
But that's not the point somehow, really.
Yeah.
- Could you get butter and eggs, please? - Yeah.
Anne Lister's bravery inspired Isabel to take on the Church of England, by standing for election to the Church's lawmakers, the General Synod.
I just woke up one morning, sat up in bed, and just said, "Sod it, I'm going to do it".
I am interested in more things than talking about same-sex marriage in churches, I am interested in learning more.
But obviously, that is the main reason why I am standing.
Change is happening, it's only a matter of time, frankly, I just would really like it to be in the next ten years of my life rather than when I'm an old lady, frankly.
But we'll get there.
We have to.
Camera is going up.
I'll never play anyone else like her because she's theatrical, she's sensitive, she's vulnerable, she's charismatic, she's sexy, she's hard, she's vicious, she's cruel at times.
I mean, what a gift.
That's why it's resonated with so many people, because there's no-one like her on our screens, you know.
I've spent a lot of my career feeling quite silly sometimes about being an actor.
It's very easy to think, "I'm not really doing anything".
That's why it's been so special being a part of this, because it really has impacted people's lives.
It's the first time I've written something that I think was important.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Actually important.
So I'm just packing my bag, ready to go out to Pride.
I'm trying to fit everything in here that I'll need for the day.
I've just got my reading glasses, my sunglasses.
That's pretty much everything that will fit.
Before, I wouldn't have worn this outside of the Gay Village, I would have kept it in a bag and put it on when I'm in there, because I wouldn't want neighbours to sort of guess, or anything like that.
But now it's like, "Yep, I'm going out there with this on".
And they can like it or lump it, really, you know.
Hi, Mum.
Are you going to take that hat with you? Yeah, just for a laugh.
I'm more worried about the shorts.
- No, they look all right.
- Really? Yeah.
There's my answer.
See you later, Luther.
Watch what you're doing.
- Thank you.
- Be careful.
I will.
I'll see later.
Or you might not, actually, I might pull and not come home! - Bye.
- See you later.
- Watch how you go.
- I will.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- I thought I would run by you - Go on.
- a little ditty I've written.
- Yeah? It just encapsulates how mad my life has been since this.
OK.
The journey, it started just watching the TV ♪ Anne Lister in Gentleman Jack ♪ And I was astonished at how proudly she walked ♪ With self-acceptance and no apology ♪ So here I am, embracing rainbows ♪ My colours for all to see ♪ 'Cos finally I see every shade that makes me.
♪ I like it, Mum.
I like it.
Next Pride anthem, that one.
- I learnt a song, Mum.
- Oh, did you? I did, yeah.
Just for you, Mum, in your current situation.
I'm coming out ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Embrace more rainbows, Mum.
I'm coming ♪ Sami is still looking for a soulmate.
Kiki is very happy her whole family now knows the real her.
Isabel narrowly missed out on election to the Synod, but she's going to try again.
Yvonne's made new friends through the Anne Lister fan groups.
And Pauline and Trixie finally visited Shibden Hall.
I'm coming out ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Got to let it show ♪ I'm coming out ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Got to let it show ♪ There's a new me coming out ♪ And I just have to live ♪ And I wanna give ♪ I'm completely positive ♪