Abbott Elementary (2021) s03e01 Episode Script

1
Yurrr! What it do, camera crew?
Welcome back to the house
that Ava built.
It's been a while.
Y'all ain't missed anything.
Hey! Look who it is!
What's it been? Like five months?
How you doin'?
- Oh, what up? We still doing this?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God! You guys! Hey! Oh, sorry.
Um, wow. You got new equipment.
Look, I don't want to say
I told you so, but
I will. Y'all should've
listened to Jacob
and made a right on 30th Street
instead of the left that night.
You want me to tell you
what happened to you?
Oh, right. Tell the people.
So, they got robbed.
Because they thought
it'd be cute to walk around
West Philly at night
with all this camera equipment.
Hell, I'd have helped rob you
if I was there.
Anyway, here we are, five months later,
because that's how long it takes
for three people
with art degrees
to save up for new cameras.
Welcome back! It's Career Day today.
Unfortunately.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Ava! Not planning on being
conscious for Career Day?
This is a district initiative.
They can handle it.
Anyone else feel like
the people from the district
have been more annoying than usual?
- They're not all bad.
- I think they're cool.
- Mnh.
- I actually like them this year.
- Shocking.
- I don't know.
I feel like they've been unequivocally
and universally worse
than they've ever been.
From unhelpful to unbearable.
Good morning, Abbott Elementary!
[MOCKINGLY] "Good morning,
Abbott Elementary."
So, yeah, I work
for the school district now.
You guys missed a lot.
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
♪♪
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Hi. Hey.
Left or right?
Uh, left. Thank you.
Good choice. Good choice.
Girl, this Development Day
has me developing a migraine.
Let me have one of
those aspirins, please.
It's a sleeping pill.
Wake me if there's a fire, a
tornado, or a volcanic eruption.
Good day to the fine teachers
of Abbott Elementary.
What?
No comment about Gregory
being "F-O-I-N, foin"?
No, Ms. Schemmenti.
I was speaking to everyone.
But since all eyes are on him, uh,
Mr. Eddie, would you mind
reading from the first paragraph
of your immaculately assembled binder?
Sexily?
Excuse me?
That is not only suggestive
but highly inappropriate
in front of our company.
Uh, hi. Hi, everybody.
Uh, we're from the school district.
Uh, Principal Coleman invited us
to come, observe,
and collaborate with you all
on this Development Day.
Yes! The importance of collaboration
is one of the many things I learned
while I was matriculating at Cambridge.
Yep. I went to Harvard this summer.
I sat right there on their campus,
and I used their free Wi-Fi
to get my degree in Education
via Education Connection.
And I've learned what it actually takes
to do the job of principal.
And [CHUCKLES] turns out
I've been doing it all wrong.
Somebody should have told me.
Anyway, uh, now I'm engaged
and alert, by the book.
Oh, yeah! I like books now. [CHUCKLES]
We're super excited to be here
on behalf of the new
superintendent, John Reynolds.
I'm Manny.
That's my dream team over there.
That's Emily. That's Simon.
And we don't come empty-handed.
We come with some iPads and SMART Boards
for your classrooms,
loaded with learning apps.
[APPLAUSE]
New and improved models.
Same old engines.
These people aren't gonna
change a blessed thing
except how many bodies are in the room.
Thank you. And we'll see you around.
Thank you. [APPLAUSE]
Gregory, we still need you
to read from section "A"
there in your binder.
Um
"Section A. Welcome back."
That concludes section "A."
Thank you, Mr. Eddie. You may be seated.
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
[SOFTLY] "Ask the teachers
if they have any ideas
from over the summer
they'd like to implement.
Try to make it fun."
Does anyone have any ideas
from over the summer
that they'd like to implement?
- Oh.
- Janine!
One of our most teachers at Abbott.
So, I was thinking over the summer
while I was spending time with
myself and just thinking about,
like, what really led me
to this point in my life.
- [YAWNS] Get to the point.
- Get to the point, Janine.
Yes, okay. So, a Career Day.
I think we should do Career Day
at the school because I checked
and we haven't had one
since the only jobs for women
were typists, moms, and wet nurses.
I think it'd be a great way for the kids
to see all of the amazing jobs
they can have.
And that's it. That's my idea.
I'm done. Career Day.
AVA: I could go into the plethora
of reasons that won't work
scheduling, previous failed attempts,
the fact that it was your idea.
- Right, but there is a way
- But I'm just gonna go ahead
and say no and save you
the embarrassment.
JANINE: You know, this is
my fourth year teaching here,
and I've wasted a lot of time
trying to fight the odds.
So I've just decided to just be
a good teacher, you know?
Take a page out of Barbara's book.
Just do what I can.
And maybe start wearing pearls.
Hey. Janine, right? I'm Manny,
which I said up there.
Um, I just wanted to say that,
uh, Career Day sounded good.
It's a good idea.
I would love to hear more.
Thank you! So you guys
are new at the district?
Yep. Just started over
the summer. Loving it so far.
Feel like we're gonna make
a lot of positive changes
and do what the last
administration didn't.
Nobody embezzling funds on my watch.
[CHUCKLES] Love that.
Oh, hey, uh, actually,
one of the things we wanted
to do today was shadow a teacher.
- Can we shadow you?
- Yeah, sure.
I'm just gonna be
setting up my classroom.
- Exciting!
- It is exciting.
Yeah. I'm just gonna grab my co-workers.
They're talking to
Principal Coleman over there.
You guys are so lucky.
You have such a good principal.
Yes.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
A little early for this, no?
For Christmas? Maybe.
To watch you lift heavy stuff
in that shirt? Never.
This thing? Well, it is
husband material.
- Ha ha ha!
- Speaking of which
did you hear about Mr. Morton?
What?
He eloped over the summer.
[GASPS] Vegas?
- Hershey Park.
- Hm. Classy.
Wow. You approve of that,
but I bring up marriage,
and I get a, "Ha ha ha."
Yeah, yeah, alright.
You just concentrate
on getting that mini fridge
next to an outlet.
A boyfriend brings it in the room.
A husband sets it near an outlet.
Well, a booty call would put it down
wherever I want him to,
so don't make me go find one.
Ha ha ha! [LAUGHS]
So, where'd you teach before
pivoting to the school district?
I didn't, actually.
But I grew up here, though.
My first-hand experience is more from
when I was a student in the area.
Oh. Alright. Well, you know,
that's one of the reasons
I wanted to teach at Abbott.
Because I was a student
in the area, as well, so
This is my room.
What are you making here?
Oh. A "welcome back" sign for the kids.
We're gonna decorate it together
so that everyone feels included.
I try to implement a lot of color.
Wanted to go with blue
because that inspires focus.
And calm, which is so important
for primary classes.
I read about that in Chalkbeat.
- You read Chalkbeat?
- Mm-hmm.
I basically live
in the comment section, so
Oh, my God. Are you @JTeagues215?
Yes!
And @JTeagues267 when I wanna
spice up the discourse.
Ms. Teagues, I'm @MannyFromTheBlock.
I'm always using this emoji.
- That's you!
- That's me.
I love your comments.
I love your comments. [CHUCKLES]
Anyway, I wanted to paint
the walls blue last year,
but you guys the district
didn't like the idea
of painting walls, so
What?! Why not? That is so good.
I think that's exactly an idea
that we could and should implement.
It's a low-stakes,
high-reward improvement.
Yes. Let's revisit that.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Just a lot of
positive reinforcement.
Ahh.
Ava, I have already told you.
I'm not interested in auditioning
for "The Golden Bachelorette."
Gerald is still very much alive.
Actually, I'm here about your desks.
When I was at Harvard,
I learned that communal seating
is better for
kindergartners' development.
Well, I like my desks separated.
It's easier for me to
move about the cabin.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] I'm
little Jonathan, and I never learned
how to make direct
eye contact with anyone,
and so now they call me
Shifty-Eyed Johnny,
and I can't hold down a job.
Alright. I will take that
into account if I must.
[NORMAL VOICE] You must.
District mandate.
Mandate?
And cursive is no longer
in the curriculum.
- Hey! Fancy meeting you here.
- Hey.
Oh, I'm just bringing in the workbooks.
Oh, there is a ten-for-ten sale
at Nichols School Supplies, by the way.
Oh [BLEEP] yeah.
Trying out cursing.
Still getting the hang of it.
How was Baltimore?
Um, it was good. Yeah, it was good.
I did a really cool job with my dad
working the grounds crew
for the Orioles.
- Mm-hmm.
- I laid a patch of Kentucky bluegrass
right by home plate.
It was so flat!
What'd you do over the break?
I just spent a lot of time with myself.
And it was good for me.
I feel sure, centered, good.
Oh, and Jacob, Erika,
and I started going out
to brunch together.
We're calling ourselves
the Brunchy Bunch.
Why not just the Brunch Bunch?
[BLEEP] that's good. [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- It's just not working for me, is it?
- Not quite there.
Hey. Teacher of the Year. Gregory Eddie.
I heard about that garden
you made out front.
- Really cool, man.
- Oh. Thanks.
I like to do it, and it makes the school
- and the street look good.
- Sure does.
Uh, Ms. Teagues, could I speak
with you quick, one-on-one?
- Sorry to interrupt.
- No. All good. Yeah, sure.
And you can call me Janine.
- Okay. Janine.
- Yeah.
Uh, so, I was talking with the
others from the school district.
You seem to have a ton of great ideas.
There's this fellowship
the Robeson Fellowship at the district.
We want somebody
with in-field experience
to come enhance what the district can do
to make schools
as efficient as possible.
That sounds like a great opportunity.
Yeah, I can help you
find somebody for that.
Well, no, I had you in mind for it.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
I'm flattered, but
You know, the summer is
when I get a little bit
of a break away from school.
This would be during the school year.
But that's when I'm doing the schooling.
Yes, well, a sub
would take over your class
while you're with us for
the duration of the fellowship.
[CHUCKLES] Sorry, but no.
I can't imagine being away
from my students, so
I'm flattered, but, no, thank you.
- Okay.
- Alright.
Just give it some thought, okay?
You could help make some real change.
Painted walls are just the start.
[BLEEP]
Feels forced.
This thing. Oh!
Oh, Janine! Check out this video
I'm gonna show the kids.
Common doing a spoken-word poem
about the Korean War.
Oh, that's not spoken word.
He's just rapping a cappella.
Well, tomato, to-mah-toe.
Hey. What do you think about
these new district people?
Oh, I like 'em.
Ooh! I saw you talking
to that cute guy, Manny.
What's his deal?
He's no Gregory my king, my guy.
No. No, no, no, no.
It wasn't like that, you know?
He was just asking me to do something,
work at the district for a little while,
something about a fellowship.
Oh, my God! The Robeson Fellowship?!
This is a huge deal, Janine!
They asked you? Why didn't they ask me?
Manny can sense my allegiance
to Gregory, I bet.
- Jacob.
- You should do it, Janine.
You can make a real difference.
I can't be away from
my classroom for that long.
I'm gonna cry just thinking about it.
You actually are crying.
Jacob! That is video contraband.
Not allowed in this school.
- What?! Why?!
- It's not curriculum.
But our textbooks are so old, Ava.
According to these books,
we still haven't even
pulled out of Iraq yet.
You know, one of the first
things I learned
when I was physically located
within the legal property lines
of Harvard
is that teachers are required
to stick to curriculum
for student safety
and school protection.
Wait. That's my personal
computer! You can't do that!
Did it.
AVA: Welcome back. First day of school.
Alright. Get in line, kids.
Single-file line. Tuck them shirts in.
No talking. Boy, you lucky.
Last year's Ava would've
roasted you for looking like
Adam Sandler at a pickup game.
[CHUCKLES] Or Adam Sandler at a wedding.
Or Adam Sandler at the Oscars. [LAUGHS]
Now go to class.
JANINE: Good morning. Welcome, welcome.
Welcome, you guys. Alright.
Hey. Hi. You want to sit here?
I don't bite. I'm Ms. Teagues.
What's your name?
- Alex.
- Alex. Nice to meet you.
Alright! You guys!
Welcome to second grade. You made it!
Let me just say it's really cool
you guys get to be the first
to use our brand-new iPads.
These are old.
Brand-new iPads to us
because Abbott Elementary
is on the forefront
of cutting-edge technology.
My iPad is dead.
STUDENTS: Ours, too!
Uh, okay.
Um, alright. That's okay.
How about we just have you guys
share with them over there?
This one's on 7%.
Um, alright.
We can just charge them while we work.
And we only have two chargers.
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
Did you see the cherry Ring Pop
Gary left in the vending machine?
MELISSA: Gosh. He is too much.
Girl, he's sending you signals.
He's just joking.
You know how men joke
about that stuff all the time.
No, I do not. I do not know of one man
who would ask his girlfriend's friend
for her correct ring size as a joke.
He's probably, like,
getting me a Super Bowl
replica ring or something.
[CHUCKLES] [DOOR OPENS]
Okay. Ava's literally gatekeeping
when I can use the garden.
She put a padlock on my kumquats.
She is making me rearrange
the seating in my classroom,
throwing off decades of
good educational fêng shui.
She made me replace my mop water.
But the best stuff
is like a sourdough starter
the older it is, the better it gets.
Alright. L-Let's relax.
Ava is finally the principal
she is supposed to be,
so I say we give her a shot
just like we give this new
whole-grain tofu spot a shot
for lunch today because it's my pick.
Who's ready to get antioxidated?
Great news, everyone
there are no more free periods.
Instead, everyone will be
volunteering for lunch duty,
hall monitoring, library management,
et cetera at all times.
Well, at least we can
still enjoy our lunches.
Oh! And no more off-campus lunches.
It's against policy.
She must be stopped.
Yeah, the "library to librarian"
ratio is troubling,
but nothing we can't fix.
[LAUGHS] Listen.
Speaking of, could you look into
getting a McFlurry machine
for my classroom?
Because the "McFlurry machine
to classroom" ratio,
t-that's also way off.
We can't do that.
Typical.
Hey. Manny?
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, you said to mention ideas,
and I think I have one.
- Okay.
- Love the iPads that you gave us,
but I was just thinking it would be cool
if we had more chargers for charging.
You know, like three or four or seven
- Or eight.
- Hey, you said it, not me.
Yeah. Guys, we should make sure
that we have enough chargers
for the iPads in all the classrooms.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Yeah.
And I'm just throwing this
out there, that, um, you know,
LeapFrog tablets could be better.
Ooh! Yes!
They're built for student use,
more cost-efficient.
Right. And they haven't
changed their cords in years.
See? This is why I knew you'd
be a great fit for the fellowship.
Oh. I know that you don't want
to be away from your class,
so would it help if I told you
that you would get to be
at Abbott once or even twice a week?
- Really?
- Yeah, the fellowship is built
so that you stay on the ground
with a pilot school
where you can still hear
from all your teachers
and test out all your new ideas.
Well, that's nice to hear.
And I don't want to sound money-hungry,
but is there a pay raise?
Two dollars.
Two dollars?!
That's like a million dollars!
SIMON: Well
Hey, we don't make this offer
just to any teacher, okay?
You got a knack for doing this.
JACOB: Yeah, and if she says no,
you gotta
you've gotta find somebody else, right?
And if it's about diversity,
let me tell you that I am queer.
It's not.
I-I'm fun to be around?
EMILY: Hi, there. Ow.
Everything okay?
Oh, fine, fine.
Just trying to move these desks
the way you people want them.
- Can we help you?
- No, I don't have the time
to file the paperwork
just to move a desk.
No, I can help you with the desk.
The legendary Mrs. Howard.
I haven't had a chance
to connect with you yet, but
I hear you're the one.
Charmed.
We're actually working on a program
to get assistants in the classroom
at the beginning of the school year
instead of you having to request one
that doesn't get here until January.
Thank you. I do not need
a whole song and dance.
And thank you for your help.
You don't trust us, do you?
Honestly? No.
I've seen many versions of you
walk through that door,
all with nice smiles, appearing to care.
Mrs. Howard, I get it.
I know what this district was,
and I am aware of how I come off,
but I don't know any other way to be.
I started working at the district
because I saw
that it needed to change
for students,
like the student that I was,
for teachers like you,
and for teachers like my mom.
Your mom's an educator?
She was, and before she retired,
I listened to her
complain about the district
- every single year for 20 years.
- Hm.
I just wanted to make
the job easier for her.
So I can't make you trust me,
but I'm not gonna stop trying
to make the job easier.
And that goes for me and my team.
It was a pleasure, Mrs. Howard.
- [INTERCOM BEEPS]
- AVA: Break it up, slackers!
Yeah, I'm talking to you
Mrs. Miller, Ms. Schemmenti,
ponytail guy.
Yeah, that's right.
I got cameras all over this place.
Just to make sure we're always working
to make Abbott a brighter place!
Well, we made a plan
to solve this Ava problem.
We need to, like, reset her.
We looked for a button.
There wasn't one.
So we decided to tempt her
with things we know she loves.
First, money. Ohh!
We sent Jacob in looking
incredibly scammable.
Second, her love of skipping work.
In this case, for an Usher show.
Ahhh! Nothing has worked so far,
so now we're pulling out the big guns.
Ready?
- No.
- BARBARA: Oh, come on.
We cannot stand any more
of this "new Ava,"
and unfortunately,
you are a very powerful tool.
Tool? You're literally objectifying me.
Objects don't talk.
Bro, dawg, do you want to continue
to live under this new regime?
- No.
- Then you know what we must do.
Take it off. Take off the sweater.
Are we sure there's no other way?
Hush. Roll up a sleeve
and tastefully welcome her
to the gun show.
And then lean against
the door frame. You know how.
Can I help you with something?
[SULTRY VOICE] Well, it depends.
All these rules are so
hard and rigid
Well, here's a rule.
Put your arms away, Jeremy Allen Black.
This is a school.
Please.
Okay. Look. We need old Ava back!
BARBARA: Mm-hmm.
Well, she's dead and gone.
I lead now. I communicate.
I haven't listened
to the City Girls in months.
This is who I am now.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I guess this is just life now.
If Gregory's arms didn't work,
nothing will.
Oh, no.
There's one card we can play.
But we're gonna have to go low.
Nay get low.
- JANINE: Hey, Barbara.
- Hey.
Oh! You changed your desks.
Mandate.
These new district people
they smile in your face
and tell you your ideas are
good, but they suck, right?
You know, I can't believe
I'm gonna say this, but
I actually have hope for this new group.
I think they can make change.
Wh Seriously?!
Wow! I was really hoping
for a "Barbara Bummer."
And what would that be?
Uh, it's when you tell me
everything's trash
and that people are useless
and I shouldn't have hope.
Beside the fact that I have
never said any of that,
I've had a change of heart.
I think this new group,
there's something there.
Something genuine. [SCOFFS]
What?
They offered me a fellowship,
this thing where I can
go work at the district
and help them bring big ideas to life
for all the Philly schools,
and I turned it down.
Well, you don't seem happy
you turned it down.
I've been doing this
for three years now,
and I finally got it in my brain
that you just have to accept
the things you can't change.
Just be. Just be a good teacher.
Stop dreaming, I guess.
Dreamers are the only people
that can bring about
a different reality.
Do you really want this fellowship?
Maybe.
Sweetheart, you know
that you still have Abbott
to come home to when it ends.
[LAPTOP CLOSES]
And now, if you will excuse me,
I've got to go save the school.
[JANINE CHUCKLES]
What?
Ava! You're needed in the gym!
Yeah, there's a bunch
of teachers in there
saying Princeton's better than Harvard.
Oh, hell no!
Okay, we have like two minutes,
so can you please fill us in
on the rest of this genius plan?
Ava said she stopped listening
to the Town Women.
- City Girls.
- But I know there's one song
she cannot resist.
- Jacob, whip out the Walkman.
- Phone.
- Open up Napster.
- Spotify.
Jesus, close your ears. Come on.
Princeton is the
Temple University of the Ivies!
BARBARA: Now, Mr. Johnson!
Let go of your butts.
[JUVENILE'S "BACK THAT AZZ UP" PLAYS]
What the hell?
No. No.
Not today, Juvenile.
♪♪
No.
Girl, you workin' with
some yeah, you bad, yeah ♪
Make a spend his cash,
yeah, his last, yeah ♪
frown when you pass,
yeah, they mad, yeah ♪
You gon' ride in the Jag,
yeah, with that head ♪
You could smoke or buy a
bag, yeah, of yeah [LAUGHS]
Got money I can flash,
yeah, and trash, yeah ♪
I'm a big-timer yeah,
pull the trigger, yeah ♪
I'm back, y'all!
So, Ava, can we have
our free periods back now?
Y'all can do whatever you want.
Mr. Johnson, find my ring light.
I'm about to be on IG Live all day.
- Yes!
- Hey!
MELISSA: Go, Ava! Go, Ava!
GREGORY: So it turns out
the only thing worse
than Ava being an awful principal
is Ava being a good one.
You should have been there, Janine.
We tried everything to get her back.
Gregory even flexed his muscles.
You flexed?
Yeah. [LAUGHS]
Well, did you guys try just
playing "Back That Azz Up"?
Because that
[GASPS] How did you know to do that?
Wow. You really are district material.
Oh, stop.
Oh! Um
So, Manny offered me
a fellowship at the district.
And I'm like 80/20 on doing it.
So you'd leave Abbott?
Well, yeah, but not permanently.
Well, I am happy for you.
And jealous. And sad.
I'm emotional, which calls for shots.
Can you see about
my cheese fries, please?
Uh, wow. Well, congrats.
Mm!
But I haven't made my mind up yet.
Just haven't decided.
Look. You'd be perfect for it.
What?
- What?
- What? You
Uh, no, it's great. It really is.
It's just it'd be weird,
you not being at Abbott.
- Yeah.
- It's It's a fantastic opportunity.
- Mm-hmm.
- But I don't know.
When I think of Abbott, I think of you,
and when I think of you,
I think of Abbott.
Yeah. No, I know.
And I'm gonna miss my students.
I'm gonna miss my classroom.
I'm gonna miss knocking
on that wall to chat.
I'm gonna miss that, too.
You're really gonna leave us?
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Happy Career Day, Ava.
There's no such thing as a happy career.
To work is to lose in life.
Good to have her back.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
You haven't missed anything.
Nothing is weird with Gregory.
I basically just decided
to go work with the district,
and, you know, Gregory and I are good.
Me and Janine?
Yeah, no, w-we're fine. It's
It's It's ju It's nothing weird.
Oh, hell yeah,
something weird's going on
between Gregory and Janine.
They ain't tell you?
Well, lucky for y'all, my hidden
cameras picked up everything.
Y'all gonna love this.
- Hey.
- Hey.
That was a fun hang
the other night, right?
- It was. I really like that place.
- Me too.
But you think the camera crew
got home safe, though, right?
I mean, we did tell them
it was a rough area.
Yeah, I'm sure they're fine.
They're probably all
just sick or something.
What are the chances
they all got robbed?
[LAUGHS]
Hey, so, I was thinking
about the field trip
- from last year to the museum
- Okay, uh-huh.
And particularly the part
where you told me
that you had feelings for me.
And I had some, too, I guess.
And I basically still
have those feelings.
I realized it at the bar.
Yeah?
So I don't know.
I was wondering if maybe
what if now, we could try to
explore that, try to
I don't know.
[CHUCKLES] Uh
Wow. Um
Definitely didn't see that coming.
I know. [CHUCKLES] Me either.
Uh
Honestly, Janine, in my mind,
I had kind of put a period on that.
- Out of respect, you know?
- Yeah.
It just I-It seem [SIGHS]
I mentally moved on, and it
seemed like that was kind of the
the right thing to do, so I did.
Mm-hmm, right. I mean, just so you know,
I wasn't saying we should never
Okay, yeah, no, but, like, you know
even with you changing
your mind right now,
it just feels like it would be safer
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- For both of us if
we were just friends.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm, definitely.
You know? 'Cause I really
value what we have.
- So do I.
- And I don't want this to get all
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
- I get it. I really do. I understand.
- Okay.
Safer is better. Safe is great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay.
[KEYBOARD CLACKS]
Look at Janine's face.
[LAUGHS]
She mad.
JANINE: Good morning, everyone.
We are so excited.
And let me just tell you.
This isn't your mother's Career Day.
- No, it's not!
- Yeah.
Though we're sure all your mothers
have vibrant professional careers.
Yeah, if they so choose.
Uh, the main goal of this fellowship
is piloting new programs and initiatives
for the entire district.
Which is why I've spent
the last four months
making sure that Career Day is a fresh
and impactful experience
for students, staff,
and professionals
all over this great city.
- All over.
- It's major.
- Yeah!
- Connections will be made.
- Mm-hmm.
- Dreams will be born.
- Wow!
- Janines will be quiet?
JANINE: Okay. Um
So, for you, Mrs. Murphy,
an anesthesiologist.
For Mrs. Howard,
a licensed cosmetologist.
- Ohh!
- Lovely.
Cosmetology is quite
lucrative these days.
Um, a zoologist for my class Sorry.
I mean, the substitute
Ms. Lee's class.
I don't like animals.
Well, the students
will love it, uh, so
Ms. Schemmenti, we have
a marketing professional
- Boo.
- From the Philadelphia Eagles.
Yes! Hell yes! [LAUGHTER]
What about me? Tell me I got
him. Please, please, please.
Yes, Jacob. As requested,
you have Mr. Johnson.
Yes! Oh! He's had, like,
every job under the sun.
Very useful in today's gig economy.
Oh, the places we'll go.
Um, and for Mr. Eddie,
you'll have a botanist
from the Longwood Gardens.
Cool. Thank you, Ms. Teagues.
Welcome. Okay.
BARBARA: Hey, Gary.
I thought you restocked
the vending machines yesterday.
Oh, I'm here to dispense
more than just high sodium.
Yeah, he's here for Career Day.
This man has got a 401(k).
It's all in quarters,
but, hey, money's money!
Yeah.
- I'm really loving Career Day, though.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm hoping that cosmetologist
will do my nails also.
Oh, maybe she could do your nails, too.
You never know when you're
gonna need a ring photo.
[LAUGHS]
I'm just teasing. Just teasing.
Okay. Yeah, I know.
'Cause you love to make
these little jokes.
But, uh, yeah, just checking in
that we're on the same page
'cause, like, Gary, you know
I don't want to get
married again, right?
Like, I did it before.
I don't want to do it again.
- Yeah. I got ya.
- Okay. Okay.
Just 'cause I want us
to be clear, alright?
- Mm-hmm.
- So it would take, like,
a miracle for me to want
to get hitched again.
- Alright.
- Okay.
- I get it.
- Alright.
Like, an absolute freakin' miracle!
Thank you all so much for coming.
It means a lot to the kids
to be able to see
all the different career possibilities.
- We cannot pay you enough.
- You're paying us nothing.
And I assure you that any amount
would not be enough.
Ooh! I can't believe it's finally here.
All these weeks of work for one day.
I can't blow this.
[SIGHS] If I mess this up,
the district won't let me pitch
anything else.
That's right.
Yeah, I tanked the rollout
for electric school buses,
and I haven't been allowed
to speak in meetings since.
It's gonna be great.
Okay. This is you.
Hey.
Hi.
Right. Oh. Pbht.
And this just gets harder and harder
because they go crazy for me.
Hey, guys!
They get tired after lunch.
- It's 8:30.
- Is it?
I don't think it
I see why they're being weird.
She put the date on the bottom
of the board instead of the top.
Classic mistake. Let me just
What do you think you're doing?
Oh, I was gonna put the date
at the top of the board.
I like my dates at the bottom.
And I like to fight.
Oh.
Territorial behavior.
Pretty common in the wild.
Yes. You see that in the kingdom
all the time.
Now, let's see those cheetahs.
I did not bring any cheetahs.
Okay. Let's see a cheetah.
I brought a fake sloth.
Really? That's what you brought?
So, what I do is make a little
palm tree on the forehead,
then a straight line down my nose,
all the way to the cupid's bow area.
Mrs. Howard, if you're interested,
you can find my tutorials
on Instagram and TikTok.
No. I've been doing my makeup
now for well over 30 years.
And you look fantastic,
but maybe some face contouring
and some underpainting could
take you to the next level.
Maybe that would be alright.
When you put these two kinds
of fruit trees close together,
- that can lead to
- Cross-pollination!
Sorry. I was, um just trying to help.
You know, this summer, I
- Worked with the Orioles grounds crew.
- Yeah.
You mentioned it. Several times.
Were you the guy that
got caught under the tarp?
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
Kentucky bluegrass is slippery. Ah.
Well, at this point in my story,
you may be asking yourself,
"How did you get elected
to the state senate?"
Yes. I was asking myself that.
Well, it's real simple.
You see, the incumbent passed
away right before the election.
Everybody would just vote
for him when they saw his name.
Just so happens that this
man's name was also Mr. Johnson.
I got myself on the ballot,
and the rest is history.
Anyway, I served three terms,
and we won the Cold War.
So, then I come over here
and I create a hyperlink,
which I then put in an e-mail
that I blast to our platinum members.
And the comes the fun part. We wait.
This guy does not look like an Eagle.
MELISSA: Hey. Pipe down.
He could be a punter if
he wanted to. Go ahead.
Thank you. No, that
You know, that's okay.
It happens all the time.
That's why I've arranged a special guest
to come say hi to everyone.
I think you might like him more than me.
Well, I mean, if we start a database,
then there's no reason
not to do Career Day
in every school across the city.
And if we're short on volunteers,
we can get vocational schools to
send students over for credit.
- That is brilliant.
- ZOOLOGIST: Hey!
Why did you invite me here just
to speak to an empty classroom?
All the kids left. The teacher left.
I just brought my fake sloth
for nothing?
- What?
- Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa!
- Hey, guys! No running!
Hey, no running! Guys!
Ava, what is going on?!
The world's finest
starting quarterback is here!
Everybody move! What?
Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me. S-Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Hey, little girl.
Look at you all dressed up
for Career Day.
[LAUGHTER]
Good one, Jalen Hurts. Heh.
Melissa. How is Jalen Hurts
on your screen right now?
Because sometimes
God has favorites, Janine.
America's sweetheart is here
thanks to that boat shoe-wearing
hero over there!
It's an absolute freakin' miracle!
Do we get to talk to Jalen, too?
Oh. No, kids. I don't think Jalen Hurts
is gonna be able to stay.
Career Day blows!
This makes me want to never work.
Alright. That's dramatic.
Dang it, Eagles marketing guy.
Why'd you have to go above and beyond?
Why couldn't you just bring
Eagles pencils or something?
J, since we only have
but so much time together,
uh, I was wondering
what do you dream about at night?
That I'm the prince of the
Underwater Kingdom of Atlantis.
[GIGGLING]
Hey.
I got a crazy favor to ask you.
I got it. I got it.
Let's call an audible.
We'll get the video link
set up in every classroom,
then we'll take the kids back
to the rooms with their teachers.
We get Jalen to talk
to everybody at once.
And we've got eight charged iPads now,
so that shouldn't be a problem.
Now, that's a great play!
Ready for kickoff.
Oh, my gosh. "District" on three?
- Absolutely.
- Okay. One, two, three!
- ALL: District!
- AVA: Nerds!
JANINE: Okay.
People around you and
have fun with them, as well.
Hey! Jalen, um, you might
remember me from earlier.
Janine Teagues from the district.
Do you think you can
give us like 10 minutes
so we can put you in every classroom?
For the kids, I got
all the time in the world,
as long as it's wrapped up
in 10 minutes.
I gotta get to practice. Thank you!
Your face is incredible! Excuse me.
Oh, my gosh. That could've been a mess.
But we found a solution.
No kids or professionals feel left out,
and Jalen meets every class.
[STUDENTS CHEER]
Efficient after all.
As the gworls say, "I ate that."
I consumed it!
JALEN: Thank you to everyone
who took the time
out of their day to be here.
After football, I have to
start another career,
so I wish I had been there
to hear the other professionals talk.
Now, before I go,
there's a special someone
who wants to propose
because
"This love feels like the first down"
and he wants to be
in the end zone of your heart.
"Let's touch down
on our future together."
Is Jalen Hurts proposing to me?
I don't think so.
You said it would take a miracle.
And there's no clearer sign
than me being able
to get Jalen Hurts
to be part of the proposal.
So I'm throwing a Hail Mary.
Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmenti
will you marry me?
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
[CRYING] No.
[STUDENTS GROAN]
Damn! They usually say yes.
Babe. Why not?
Hey, man. You're late for practice.
Dude, what's happening?
He just asked me
to ask her to marry him.
And she said no. Another proposal?
Jalen, you've gotta say no
to this kind of stuff.
Boundaries.
You know my boundary's porous as hell.
I-I really thought we had a great thing.
It has been great. Really. It has.
But I just
Gar, I don't want to get married again.
And I told you this. Like, a lot.
I know. I I I just thought
if the perfect moment ever came around.
And then suddenly,
Jalen freakin' Hurts is
- MELISSA: Oh, my God.
- GARY: talking to your class. I mean
Hey, guys. I think maybe
you should take this outside
because everyone is watching,
and I don't think you want that.
Yeah. Okay, class, uh
Ms. Schemmenti's
gonna step outside for a sec.
Guys, watch 'em, okay?
Oh, you guys don't have to do that.
Heads down, thumbs up.
Time to play seven up!
They actually listened.
Have you ever considered teaching?
Uh y'all hiring?
I mostly work on Sundays.
[LAUGHS]
That's really funny.
So, what do we do now?
You really want to get married?
I really want to get married.
And you deserve that.
But, Gar, I'm never
getting married again.
I I-I don't need to be convinced.
This is my truth.
Maybe the best thing for both of us
is not each other.
So
we're breaking up?
I hate to say it, but I think so.
I'm okay. I'll be alright.
Even though I feel
like a zero right now.
Well, honey, you're not a zero.
You're a Philly 11.
[LAUGHS]
So the bald guy was on his knee, right?
And Ms. Schemmenti's like, "Not today."
Shh, shh. She's back.
She's back. Sit down.
We just wanna say, we think
it's cool you trusted your gut.
You're cold, but you're bold.
And as a man with an
all-woman management team,
I support a woman's right to stand up
for what she wants or doesn't want.
[SIGHS, SNIFFLES]
Get to practice, you guys.
Alright, now.
Bye, Jalen Hurts.
I mean, it could've been worse, right?
I think now we know. We
We lay some ground rules, right?
No football players.
No football at all, to be safe.
No proposals. What are you doing in here?
Oh. Um, Ava hasn't
given me any office space.
Well, this is my mop's office,
and we're about to have
an important meeting.
Yes! That's Hey, guys.
I am so sorry about that.
Sorry about what? That was a mess.
It wasn't streamlined at all.
I know that's the key to the district
picking up these things. I mean
Uh, Jalen Hurts was here. [LAUGHTER]
That alone makes this event a success.
The kids loved it.
Anybody can execute under
perfect circumstances.
You know how to improvise.
Well, I do watch a lot of
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
It's usually Wayne Brady's.
Right?! I know!
[LAUGHTER]
Ooh! This look is a slay, Mrs. Howard.
It's giving grade-A baddie.
Well, period to that.
I could never do this
on my own every day,
but it's nice to see
what I could look like.
Thank you.
Ohh.
Oh.
Gerald, honey, grab your gators
'cause we are going out tonight
'cause Mama looks good, baby.
[BELL RINGS]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
MS. LEE: Okay. Let's keep
some order. That'll be it.
GREGORY: Okay. Really think
about the career you want to pursue.
Also remember, superhero
not really a career.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
JANINE: Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Uh, how do you feel about
your first Career Day?
Oh. You know, it was
it was actually good.
The kids loved it.
Well, you should feel
really great about it.
And that botanist that
you brought in taught me
how to use borage as a cover
crop to improve the soil.
We're about to have some of
the richest radishes in Philly.
I'm sorry. You
You just are the only person
I know that gets this excited
about radishes.
Well, it's one of
the only foods that I love.
- It's dry, bitter.
- Bitter, yeah.
It's, like, perfect.
Yeah, I know. [LAUGHS]
Your fave.
I miss this.
Just chatting about our days. It's
Oh, my God. Me too. So much.
Like, anytime anything happens here,
I want to tell you about it.
- Really?
- Yes!
- Like, earlier with Melissa and Gary?
- Yeah.
She said no to him
in front of the Eagles?
I just wanted to tell you immediately.
Wow. That's Okay.
Yeah, 'cause the vibes were just off.
Yeah, it was weird.
I was kind of just
giving you your space.
I noticed that.
Why?
Well, I thought our conversation
was the reason why you left.
Oh, my God. N-No.
No, no, no, no.
I really respected what you said.
I only left because I wanted
to try working for the district.
That was it.
Well, that's good to hear.
Okay.
So, I heard you got caught under a tarp?
What, do you have, like,
a Google alert for me?
No, I have a Google alert
for humiliating tarp incidents.
Hmm. Don't you have a lot of
work to do at the district?
MR. JOHNSON: Right when I
thought I was finally a made man,
they had the audacity
to try and whack me!
Can you believe that?
So after making short work
of those goons,
I left Sicily, officially became
an American citizen,
and landed here.
I tried about 400 careers
until I picked up this mop
and never looked back.
I still can't look at tortellini
the same.
Anyway, janitorial work
is self-explanatory.
You've seen me around.
You know what I do.
JACOB: Ohh
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JACOB: Yeah! Whoo!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]