Ackley Bridge (2017) s03e01 Episode Script

1 ANNOUNCER: Massoud's Supercar, once again proud sponsors of the Ackley Bridge fairground! SCREAMS AND LAUGHTER If we scream louder will you make it go faster next time, Pete? You can scream all you want, don't actually go any faster.
It's mounted on a bunch of 18 rotating platforms.
Ooh! I love it when you talk dirty, Pete.
- Nas? - Mm? Can you remember if I got off with Pete last night? Well, obviously I made a good impression on you, then? NAS GASPS No! Shut up! It's all right! Yeah, we have all got our clothes on.
Phew! God, you two should be so lucky.
SHE CACKLES - FOOTSTEPS THUMP UP THE STAIRS - Nasreen! Nasreen! The letter's come from Oxford! It's come! Who is that?! This is Pete.
- Well, we're all fully clothed.
- Well, open it! Open it! - I can't, not now.
- Open it! - Come on! - Hey, go on, open it! OK! They've given me a bloody interview! THEY CHEER It's just an interview! It's not an offer.
It's Oxford, Nas! Oxford! THEY SCREAM WITH EXCITEMEN HORN HONKS Do you like my whip? 0 to 90 in two seconds, bro.
Lambo and that! Proper Lambo! Rolling it, rolling it! What you saying, G? His cousin's had it for the mailer.
My cousin owns one.
Right, anyone order take away? Do you drive that, sir? What else would I do with it? - Push it? - Ooh! - Miss Keane had a well posher car than that, sir.
- Did she? She had everything going for her, she did.
Didn't she, Nas? - Oh, well-liked.
- Good-looking.
- Well-dressed.
- And a natural and uncanny ability to communicate with her students.
Really? Yeah.
Hey, Sam! - Guess what? - What? - I got an interview.
- Yeah? A bit more enthusiasm wouldn't go amiss! That's great, Nas.
I'm telling you, brain of Britain, me.
Thank you very much.
Yeah! Well, no pressure.
But the whole of Ackley Bridge are relying on you to get in.
BELL RINGS Two more managed moves.
No papers, can't speak a word of English.
Practically a migrant camp.
They'll be sending actors in to give us drama workshops next.
Hello.
SPEAKS SLOWLY: What school have you come from? HE SPEAKS HIS OWN LANGUAGE Polish, I think.
"My name is Pawel Nowicki"? Right.
SPEAKING SLOWLY: Do you know him? He's my cousin from Bradford, innit? Oh, right, no, what I meant was, - have you both come from the same school? - Yeah, right! Crack our grammar? Do you know who I am? God, don't anyone know who anyone is in this school, bro? Miss Carter, Weaver the Weasel from the Trust office Oh, right.
We'll be back.
- Hey, guys! - Oh Just thought I'd pop in, see how you're progressing.
Unofficially, of course.
Yeah.
- Good! Um, 'cos the thing is, Mr Weaver - Ken.
The thing is, Ken, um, that I have got two new managed move students in the reception to add to the other 20 that you placed with me at the beginning of term.
So, I'm feeling a little bit overstretched! Seeing as half my staff have been moved on, which I know I agreed to, but Well, that's why you got Mr Evershed and Mrs er Sue, here! Both highly experienced and respected employees of the Valley Trust.
Thank you for that vote of confidence, Ken.
I think we're all prepared to give it 110%.
Rebranding's always difficult in the early stages, Mandy.
It's not just a change of name, it's a commitment to the franchise.
I agree, Ken.
I've had my say.
Thank you, Sue.
Eh! And thank you too, Mandy, for being so transparent.
What are you doing?! Don't be daft.
What do you call these efforts? Rock cakes.
Rock-hard cakes, more like.
KNOCKS ONE ON THE WORKTOP - You could stone someone to death with them! - You what?! - No offence, love.
- 21st century, mate! I suggest the only buns you put in the oven in future are the ones that are ready in nine months.
WHOLE CLASS: Ooh! Well, you're no Nadiya Hussain, are you? You could bake a file in yours for your mum to break out the jail with! Oh, at least she hasn't turned Muslim like your mum! Better food bank at the mosque.
- What you saying about my mum, you skank?! - Yeah, what you saying?! It's true, Missy! Your mum's hijab'd up, the lot.
She was at the mosque with Zoomy Zap, the smackhead! CLASS: Ooh! All right, back to your stations.
I am studying FAUX POSH ACCENT: studying at Oxford.
I am studying How, now, brown lesbian.
Brown lesbian.
FOOTSTEPS Oh, my God, Mum! Don't say nothing, just say you like them.
- Oh, God! These must have cost a fortune! - Mm, they did! But, you know, these colours, they suit you.
Make you stand out in Oxford.
Aw! That's so sweet, thank you.
Does this say Oxford? More like Oxfam.
Missy! I can't have anything too showy, it's got to be plain! You know, classic? Not a classic slapper! What is that? Our birthday party, then? Got to look available on your 18th.
It's gonna be so What have I told you? Come here! Oh, my God, it's true.
Missy, your mum's wearing a hijab! - Your mum wears Nike Air with shalwar kameez.
- Fair.
Who are those kids? Don't know! What are you going to do? Nothing! ANNOUNCER: This is a no-smoking station.
Please extinguish your cigarettes.
They say you use this for the ticket.
Oh Yoo-hoo! What've you bloody done to your fingers? Saint Matthias college crests.
Go-o-o, Saint Matthias! Where the hell did you get them done? Britney's Got Talons.
Hey, do you mind, love? Only I've just had my nails encapsulated.
- No problem.
- Ta.
Well, you didn't think I was going to let you have all the fun, did you? Come on! Oxford, then.
Hm? OK.
Bye! Did your mum make kebabs? On, my God, Missy.
I can't I can't believe it.
I'm actually here, look at it.
Oxford.
Looks like Harrogate without the walking dead.
Good morning, everyone.
I'm Thomas Padgett, I'm going to be your guide for the next three days.
If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask.
Now, we're about to enter the chapel, which is a place of worship.
Forgive me, Father, for I am about to sin.
He's gorge! Cold kebab, Tommy? CHOIR SINGS What do you think they will ask us? My friend said they asked them to identify and name all the cells in a picture.
Oh, I've got that covered.
You think I should get black tips at the bottom of me hair? - Um, what? - You know, dip dyeing, what'd you think? Erythrocyte, megakaryocyte, monocyte.
Definitely these.
At least you've got medical experience.
My mother's a cardiothoracic surgeon, she gave me the opportunity to witness a heart transplant.
No way! Mm-mm.
Nope.
Well, my father's a consultant.
Oh, cool! Ugh! - Missy, I don't know if I can do this.
- What? Did you not hear her in there? I can't FAUX POSH VOICE: I can't sound like that.
Yeah, you can.
She's all gob.
No, she's not all gob, that is a private education.
You need practice.
I'll interview you.
- You're going to interview me? - Yeah.
- All right.
- Take a seat.
FAUX POSH VOICE: Ah, hello, Nasreen.
Ah, I see you're, er Pakistani? I'm Dr Missy.
With a medical complaint of the foot, would you recommend using a nail file and a pumice stone or an over-the-counter tube of Bazuka That Verruca? Missy.
It's a medical question.
Yeah, not here, it won't be.
Aw, they're all going to know more than me.
And I just feel like I'm going to walk into that interview - and just look like a right idiot.
- You're going to look a bigger bloody fool when you show up at Ackley Bridge without even trying.
I think I've made a mistake.
I don't want to be here.
I don't like how it's making me feel.
I am embarrassed.
You know, the way I look and the way I speak, it's HE PLAYS CLAIR DE LUNE ANNOUNCER: The next bus to Bradford will depart in eight minutes.
Please keep all your belongings - with you at all times.
- What you playing at? - Oh, shut up, Missy.
- No, you shut up for a change.
I've had nowt but you whining on at me for years about how you were gonna be different, gonna get out of Ackley Bridge and do something with your life.
Now you're here in this place and you've bottled it.
And why? Oh, cos your skin's too brown, you don't talk posh enough, you don't know enough.
Well, I've got news for you, Nasreen Paracha: you'll never know enough, your skin'll always be brown, and if someone's bleeding to death, they won't give a toss if you don't sound like Camilla Parker bleeding Bowles.
HE PLAYS INTRO TO TOMORROW The sun'll come out tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow BOTH: There'll be sun Just thinkin' about tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow Till there's none ALL: When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely I just stick up my chin and grin And sa-a-a-ay Oh, the sun'll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on till tomorrow Come what may Tomorrow, tomorrow I love you, tomorrow You're always a day away.
Come on, we can still make the interview.
So, the human reproductive system, yes? Really, bro? At this time in the morning? - I've just had me breakfast, innit? - CHUCKLING If you turn to page 498 in your textbooks, you will see a diagram of the penis.
BOYS: Penis! Yes, the penis.
It is a penis.
Calm down.
Oh, my God.
Why in't it circumcised? That's racist, that is.
- It's just a textbook, Miss Ibrahim.
- It's a sex book, bro.
And no-one asked my permission to expose this lulla near my face.
I am shocked, bro, shocked.
I need the nurse, innit? I feel faint.
Ugh! See! Now you made me put that dirty foreskin near me face, bro.
Right, that's enough.
Report to Miss Carr, please.
STUDENTS: Oooh! Don't worry, I'm going, 'cos I swear down you turn this whole classroom bare haram with that dirty book.
What's wrong with you, your mum marry her cousin? - STUDENTS: Ooooh! - All right, all right, all right! - What do you want? - To come in.
- Why? - Punishment, innit? - What for? - Not drawing a lulla.
- What's wrong with rulers? - Miss, I'm supposed to report to you.
You are forgiven.
Now go.
Draw a ruler and write "I must use my ruler at all times".
- I've got no paper, miss.
- Oh, use your imagination! BOYS SHOU - Do you like it? - - - Have you seen this one? Absolute masterpiece.
Couldn't get any better.
What are you bloody doing?! STUDENTS: Oooooh! What would your mother say, huh? Go back to your classroom.
All of you, go.
You, come with me! Hey, who do you think you're touching? Huh?! What is that? I'd like you to look at this electronic micrograph of a cell.
You think you could identify any parts of the cell? Did you hear the question? I saw you in the common room.
I know all about Ackley Bridge and your school.
And I can assure you, that the criteria here at Oxford is intelligence.
And we think you have something to offer.
- You wouldn't be interviewing if you didn't.
- OK.
So, Miss Paracha, the micrograph, if you please.
C is a mitochondrion.
B is some kind of secretory vesicles.
D is a dense black resin, which suggests the cell is a melanocyte.
Good.
Is there an area of medicine that you're particularly interested in? Um Yeah, I think, um That veruca gel over there.
Yes ? I did a study in school about the alarming number of South Asian women who now turn to the internet for self-diagnosis as opposed to, like, actually seeking out help from a female doctor, and also a return to home remedies SPEECH FADES OU So, they seemed dead excited.
Well, not excited, but, like, interested in the study I did for Rashid.
Anyway, so then we got onto the subject of tropical diseases, which made me think, do you know what, thank God me mum got malaria - because otherwise I would know nothing.
- Ha! Aw, I'm dead pleased it went well.
I knew it would! - Nasreen! - Oh! I heard you did brilliantly.
Jump on for the Great Oxford Tour? Yeah, come on! Are you coming? Aw, go on.
I'm getting an early night.
Are you sure? - OK.
- Climb aboard.
- Ooh, I'm on.
- Ready? Yeah.
- See you later! - Bye! NASREEN SCREAMS Happy birthday, Missy and Nas! Woo! So the first five terms are for the first BM, and that's, like, the basic foundation of medicine God, just listening to you, I can feel my acne being cured.
Started thinking on what fields you'd like to specialise in? - Yeah, yeah.
- God, it was just an interview, she hasn't gotten in yet.
Here it is, here it is.
Oh, speech time! Speech time! You know, it only seems like yesterday that these two girls sitting on my back step, eating Sugar Puff.
I don't remember a time when they weren't together.
Born the same day, same hospital, same ward, delivery room next to each other.
I hear Missy's cry same time I hear my first swear words from your mother.
But you don't want to know what she said.
I don't worry for Nasreen, because I know that if I can't help her, she always got you, Missy.
Huh? And now she going to Oxford to become a doctor! My little girl.
I always knew you would do something special.
VOICE FADES: Something to make us proud.
And I'm very proud of you, Nasreen.
You worked so hard.
You deserve all the success you get.
And, Missy, Nasreen, she couldn't be who she is without you.
I want to say thank you for being there for her.
I don't know what she bloody going to do now when she leave you behind here.
Oi, oi, where are you going? Look, I'm sorry for going on about Oxford in there, Missy, but it's literally just because I'm excited, that's all.
Tommy thought you nailed it, so it all turned out all right in the end, eh? Come inside.
Come inside, it's cold.
It's funny, listening to your mam, hearing it all like that, about us, how long we've been together.
You'd never think Something's wrong, Missy.
I know you.
It's just It's just me mam.
All this conversion stuff, I should probably go and see her.
You know what my mam's like, she just acts without thinking, a bit like me.
- Missy - Just go on in, I'm all right.
Do you think I'm going somewhere? Round and round at the moment.
Depends what you want.
That's not what I asked.
Honestly? The answer's no.
- Wow.
- Look, it's not to say that you can't, it's just you've got to know what it is that you're after.
Don't know any more.
I know I want something.
Anything.
Just not this.
So run away with the fair.
Do you know how mad that sounds, Pete? Hey, nothing is mad here.
You can be whoever you want to be, or no one at all.
Hey, our fortune-teller's retiring.
You should take over.
You'd be good at it.
Mystic Missy.
Mystic Missy.
Fate is in her hands.
SCHOOL BELL RINGS - See you in a bit.
- No, you won't.
Nadine Murgatroyd, I've come for me kids.
Are you the named parental contact? Hey! You can't go through there.
Excuse me! Excuse me! (MUSIC: O FORTUNA FROM CARMINA BURANA BY CARL ORFF) Not being funny, sir, but how has this got anything to do with our English class? Written in 1230, bawdy, irreverent and satirical, it was an indictment of the medieval world, of church and state, the human condition, fate and fortune.
Now, I want you all to start writing your own Carmina Buranas.
I want your thoughts, anything that comes into your head when listening to the music.
Write it down, I want to know CLASS GROAN - Oh, Mum, please.
- Come on, you two.
- I'm sorry, can I help? - I'm Sam Murgatroyd's mum and Candice's legal guardian, and I'm taking them out.
Right, can I just stop you right there? Girls, go in and sit back down, please.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me, can we talk about this outside? - I'm not afraid of you, mate.
- All right, there's nothing to be afraid of.
I'd just like to talk to you outside and not actually in the classroom.
I want my kids.
I said, move! I really don't think you should do that.
Watch it, mate, yeah? Because you don't know who you're dealing with.
Nadine Melanie Murgatroyd, mother of Samantha Murgatroyd and auntie of Candice Murgatroyd.
I know exactly who you are and where you've been.
CLASS GASP - Come on, now, for the girls' sake.
- Get out of my way.
I can't do that, it's against the law.
And you don't need that right now, do you? Think about it.
Right, thank you.
Shall we talk about this outside? Everyone, get on with your work, please.
Come on, get back on with your work.
This way, please, Ms Murgatroyd.
Come on, everyone.
Go, go, go, go.
Look, why don't you step into this classroom here? I'll get the headmistress and you can sort something out with her.
I can't have you disrupting my class, it upsets the kids.
All right? Be back in a second.
Hey! Hey! Let me out! - Sir, can I write this in my Carmina Burana? - Shut up! - Um, Mr Evershed? - All under control.
Have you seen Mrs Murgatroyd? Open this freaking door, now! Dulcet tones.
Release Mrs Murgatroyd, please, Mr Evershed.
Yeah, I will, the minute she calms down! Now, please, Mr Evershed.
SHE BANGS DOOR LOUDLY You think you're funny, don't you, eh? Well, it depends which side of the door you're on.
Are you in charge here? Did you see what he did to me? - I suggest you calm down.
- No, I want my girls out of here.
They'll leave when I give them permission to leave and not before.
Don't push it, mate, yeah? I am warning you.
Don't push it.
All right, you can take your girls out of school, just as soon as you fill out the relevant forms down at reception.
- Hang on a minute - I would go, before I change my mind.
Come on, come on.
Right, OK, she started it.
She pushed me, twice.
You can return to class.
Whose side are you on? I was neutralising a situation that was out of hand.
- And I was implementing school policy.
- Oh, really? I don't remember false imprisonment being part of our mission statement.
I know how to deal with the Nadine Murgatroyds of this world, - I grew up with them.
- So did I.
Fools rush in, Martin, I'd have thought you'd have learned that lesson by now.
Get stuffed, Sue.
Well, you can talk.
You've just allowed a girl to paint penises all over my quad.
You're supposed to be my A-team, the best the Trust have on offer.
- Not quite true.
- You what? We're Valley Trust rejects.
- Speak for yourself.
- Oh, I do.
And Mr Gartside, Mr Robinson, Mr Shaw, Mrs Cunningham and Bimalinder Singh.
- What are you going on about? - They can't sack us.
So they moved us here in the hope that we'll pack it in.
- I beg your pardon? - And the managed moved kids? Rejects.
That might apply to you, but they made me deputy head to pull this place together.
They might not approve of my methods but they trust my results, Sue.
Oh, do yourself a favour, Martin, for God's sake.
You are hardly the blue-eyed poster boy of the Valley Trust.
You are a pain in the nether regions.
You can dress it up all you want, love.
They got rid of you.
Deputy head.
Of this place? Tandoori High? - Tandoori ? What? - No offence.
It's just what some of the Trust people call it.
I'd hate to see what you think a demotion is, Martin.
- I'd love a car like that.
- You can't even drive! Neither can he.
Oh, my God.
God, your mum looks better in a hijab than I did.
That's not difficult.
- What are we doing here? - She's still our mum.
- She looks happy enough.
- You came! Missy! - My baby.
- You all right, Mum? Hayley! Nasreen! My babies! I've changed! I really have! LOUD CLANKING - Is there something I can do for you? - Yes! You can tell your teachers to pull their bloody fingers out.
I work in that kitchen and I serve in the staffroom.
I see everything that's going on, and this school is not the same.
It's just, it's the change of staff! You know, different teachers have different methods.
Different Who are you kidding, love? - They don't care! - Of course they care.
They don't even know the kids' names and they leave early.
They don't care.
And you know it.
Admit it! Of course I bloody know it.
Yeah.
Because I signed away this school to save it, and I was wrong.
Didn't work.
I really thought they understood what we were trying to do here.
And I was wrong.
Big-time! That's all I've got to say.
Well, yeah.
GIGGLING Another game, another game.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! EXPLOSION Keep the kids inside.
Come on, inside.
Come on, inside.
Hayley thinks Zaffar's grooming you.
If that means being loved and keeping me clean, suppose he is.
He saved me.
That knock on't door, you always dread it coming.
He stopped it.
Bit dramatic and that, but It's true.
He doesn't ask owt or expect it.
Are you happy, Mum? Are you? You don't come looking for me if nowt's wrong, Missy.
Did you ever just Want to just run away from here? I did.
Every time I stuck a needle in my vein.
Maybe if I'd had time to think Had nowt to do with you and Hayley But way back I lost don't know what you'd call it.
I don't know if people like us are supposed to have it, but I know I turned round one day and something weren't there.
I were too late.
I know that, love.
Missy! Missy! Oi! What did your mum say? She's going to be stopping at the house a bit more.
Right, and how do you feel about that? I'm not going to be there.
What do you mean? I'm packing school in.
Going to get a job on the fair.
For a while, anyway.
NASREEN LAUGHS What's so funny? Come on, Missy, you are being ridiculous.
Oh! So it's all right for you to go off to Oxford and everyone's like, "Oxford, Nas, wow, you're amazing!" I say I'm getting a job at the fair, and I'm being ridiculous? Excuse me, Missy? I stood by you in Oxford when you bottled it.
- You weren't Little Miss Perfect then, were you? - What? Didn't tell anybody that bit, did you? No, of course you didn't! Missy Booth, talking sense and saving your neck? No, that's not how our story goes, is it, Nas? - Missy, what is actually wrong? - Us! Nas, me mum offered more support than you.
Since when have you ever listened to her? Look what she's done with her life! Do you really ? What? Do I want to end up like her? Is that what you were going to say? That how you see my life, is it? I'll tell you what, Nas, for all that she's done, she didn't laugh in me face.
Coming through.
CHEERING AND LAUGHTER Watch your backs.
Morning.
- Morning.
- I heard about your car.
- News travels fast.
- Yes, that's Lorraine.
Listen, have you spoken to the police about the incident with Mrs Murgatroyd? She did threaten you.
I mean, I can make a statement for you, if you want.
You know what, I never thought of myself as a Lycra man but this morning I am loving the Lycra, makes me feel alive.
- You know? - Yeah, I think you should get inside quick before you end up all over Snapchat.
Not that you don't look great.
Thank you very much.
At least they know I've arrived, eh? - They torched his car.
- Oh, my God, you're lying.
Have you got a video? Listen Listen, no names man.
No names.
No names.
- Right, can we sit down, please.
- Sorry to hear about your car, sir.
The road users of Ackley Bridge breathe a sigh of relief, sir.
Could be worse, sir, it might still be drivable.
You could hire a supercar, sir.
Right.
So let me put everyone straight right from the off.
According to the Fire Brigade Should have been burnt long ago.
It was an accident.
Plain and simple.
An electrical fault.
Luckily for me I was insured, and no-one was in it.
However, unluckily for you lot, your homework was.
Though I will mark you all level seven.
Hooray! Now, Sam, Candice, would you care to join the rest of the class up here so I don't have to shout.
Thank you very much.
Now, where we were? Ah, yes, Wilfred Owen.
- See you later, sir.
- Yes.
- Loving your tie.
- See you later, thank you.
- See you'll tomorrow, we'll do it all again.
- Bye, sir.
Bye-bye.
Everything all right at home? See you tomorrow, sir.
See you later, bye-bye.
You said all you need the say.
Well, you didn't give me a chance.
Something about being stuck here and a smack head like my mam? Missy, I I just think that you are giving up any chance of doing something good if you don't finish school.
Well, why don't you send me a postcard from Oxford saying, "I told you so".
Is that what this is about, Oxford? - That's not even definite.
- Come on, Nas, when have you ever not got something you set your mind to? Oh, oh, sorry, sorry Missy, is that really such a crime? Why is it whenever I try to think about life beyond this place - you really freak out? - Because you think you're the only one who does.
No, I'm the only one doing something about it.
You're just chucking it away, again.
Ow! Right.
I don't want to take up too much of your time.
I just wanted to say I just wanted to say that I think Nothing.
Do you know what, go home, sorry.
- Is that it? - Is that what, Sue? I thought you were going to give us a rallying pep talk.
- Would it have worked? - Probably not.
Just I've put a slow stew on this morning thinking - we had a meeting like.
- Yeah, because 50 Roman candles shoved up of your backside - wouldn't pep you up, would it, Sue? - GIGGLING Or anyone else for that matter.
Oh, it's funny, it's funny, is it? Well, I'll tell you what's not funny, you lot.
You bunch of bloody losers.
Oh, God.
Oh, felt quite good to say that actually, because Do you know what, I really thought I was going to come here tonight and, like, attempt to enthuse you all.
And then I just stood here just now and I thought, what is the point? You're like the walking dead.
Your lessons are boring.
You're lazy, those kids, those kids are laughing at you behind your backs and the trust, well, they just think you're a bunch of rejects.
And I don't blame them actually.
Get rid, that's what I'd do.
I'd bin the bloody lot of you.
- You can't say that.
- Yes, she can, because she's right, Sue.
If you think that this is a good place to tread water til you retire, think again.
Because if you don't start pulling your weight round here I will make sure that this place is such a living hell for you, you'll be begging to be sacked.
So there, consider yourself pepped.
KNOCKING Well, that was very inspiring.
Yeah.
- What you gonna do? - Oh, this job It's changed, it's not what I got into it for.
Why did you? Didn't we all think we could make a difference? I still do.
Which is why I would like to keep you as my deputy head.
That's very kind of you, thank you.
You all right though? Yeah.
I feel a lot better now I've Well, I'll see you tomorrow, try not to punch anyone on the way home.
You should eat.
Why is it, Mum, you think all my problems can be solved with a plate of food? - Go and talk to her.
- And say what? What do I say? She can't stand the fact that I'm about to do something with my life, and as usual she wants everyone to feel sorry for her.
I don't think it's like that at all.
You've got it all wrong, beti, you know, - I remember when I was - Oh, no, no, no, no, please Mum, I'm not in the mood for one of your village anecdotes right now.
Not today.
How rude! You know, you're right bloody selfish sometimes.
- I could wring your neck sometimes.
- What have I done? Nothing, that's what you bloody done.
It's always about you and the university, oh, I don't know what to do, should I go, should I stay? Bloody go.
Great, now you as well.
It's good that your life has changed, but maybe Missy want her life to change as well.
Running off with the fair? Maybe that's what she needs right now.
Huh? You want the time to stand still while you go to the university, you know what the problem is, you want your life to change but no-one else's, we have to stay the same.
No, no, no, no, see, now you're being ridiculous.
You need to let her go, beti, you need to let her feel it's all right to go.
If you don't, she will hate you for it.
Well, you're not out for milk so what is it? I shouldn't have said what I said.
Is that it? OK, you're right, you're right Missy, there's no excuse, I was just I was angry at you because I wanted Oxford, but I didn't want anything to change, so I wanted to just go away and do my own thing, and know that you would still be here and I know that how selfish that sounds, I was just, I understand now Missy, I do.
Honest.
Come here.
You should go with Pete, Missy.
You should.
You should go with Pete, and, and it's not ridiculous, it's big and it's really brave and it's exactly what you have been telling me to do my whole life.
I'm just so frightened, because everything seems to be changing, - and I wanted everything to stay the same.
- It can't.
We've changed.
Already.
We've both got to go.
It's the only way now.
So, here's for Missy Booth's plan of action.
You're going to go to Oxford, and you are going to study hard, and you're going to get whatever it is you get for being a swatty, Pakistani, lesbian sex goddess.
And I'm going to be doing Well, God knows what, but as long as it's not hot dogs, candyfloss, or something that will break my nails.
But that's not going to happen.
Not yet.
Because I'll wait.
I'll wait.
When we go, Nasreen Paracha, we go out the same way we came in.
- Right? - OK.
Hear that Ackley Bridge! Same month, same day, same time, same bloody place! Until then, let's have some fun.
Yeah? Because I love you so much, let's go and get your school uniform on.
Come on! Come on! Has your mum got any cold kebabs? Do you think about anything but your stomach? Ever? Making life-changing decisions is making me hungry.
Hang on.
Mystic Missy better tell Pete his future.
Yeah, you should.
"Dear Pete, sorry I won't make it this year.
" "Read the tea leaves and a short, dark, lesbian needs me.
" - Missy! - TYRES SCREECH I'll go and get help.
Somebody help!