Adventure Time with Finn & Jake s03e01 Episode Script
The Conquest Of Cuteness
[MOUSE SQUEAKS.]
[PENGUINS WENK.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
[SCREECHES.]
Adventure time Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the dog and Finn the human The fun will never end It's Adventure Time [HUMMING.]
[BEAT-BOXING.]
[BABBLING IN STEP.]
BOTH: Yeah! What's for b-fast, Jake? Everything burrito.
[GASPS.]
I love you, everything burrito.
[SMOOCHES.]
[THUD.]
[RATTLING.]
Aw, man.
I think someone wants to eat Everything Burrito.
I won't let them get you, baby! [SMOOCHES.]
Jake, come on! Get ready! Ready! BOTH: Yaah! [BOTH GASP.]
Peep.
So cute! Look at their little faces! [BOTH LAUGH.]
We're not cute.
We're evil! And we're here to dominate you! Get the camera, Jake.
I can't.
I'm paralyzed by the cuteness! BOTH: Beemo! Beemo! Beemo! Beemo! What? What? What? What? BOTH: Beemo, get the camera! Beemo is camera.
Enough! Now Bow down to me, Cute King, and my legion of cuties! [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Great shot, Beemo! Since you won't take us seriously, we will kill you! Until then, enjoy your burrito, Jake.
Huh? [CHUCKLES EVILLY.]
[SHRIEKS.]
My burrito! It's perfectly fine! No, Finn.
They probably poisoned it! Naaaw.
They knew my name.
They knew about the burrito.
Man, you're letting your brain dial turn your fear volume up.
You'll see.
Those cuties are nothin' but an afternoon's delight.
[YAWNS.]
Jake? What are you doing in my bed? Oh, nothin' much, you know, just chillin'.
Wait a second.
Are you still messed up about those little guys? A little.
Look, man, what do you say tomorrow morning we go track those little guys down and find out just what their deal is? Sound good, buddy? Yeah.
Thanks, buddy.
Man, you sound just like mom sometimes.
Yeah.
Good old mom.
She always knew just what to say.
Yeah.
Good night, brotha.
Good night.
JAKE: Finn! Finn! Finn, wake up, man! Wha?! Huh? I think someone's in the house.
[GRUMBLES.]
For real, man! Shh.
Listen.
Uh I swear, man.
I really heard something.
[THUD.]
[GASPS.]
Finn! I heard.
Okay.
Who's out there? What the?! That's my sword! What do they want with my sword, man? [CLATTER.]
It came from downstairs! All right.
That's it.
Where are you going? I'm gonna go manhandle those guys' banandles.
What? FINN: Well, they broke a window, but I don't see any of 'em.
I guess they left.
Oh, no! Oh, oh, no! Jake, what is it? Oh, no! It's a dead goat, man! Its guts are all over the place! It's all chopped up and spread around and -- Oh, no, wait.
It's just a blanket.
I think I left it here this morning.
[EERILY.]
Jake! Finn! This is the voice of your mom! I've come back to tell you how dumb you always are! I hate you guys so much! Oh! Get him, Jake! Aah! Aah! [HISSES.]
Blauwgh! [PANTING.]
[YELPS.]
Jake, I got him! He's freakin' out, man! - What do I do?! - Shake him! What?! Shake him around till he stops! Okay- [SHOUTING.]
[PANTING SLOWLY.]
They stopped.
Okay- Now tell 'em not to talk about our mom.
How do you even know about our mom? We've been watching you.
Learning your weaknesses.
What?! Why?! For tomorrow morning.
When our army comes and kills you both.
You think we're so cute, when actually we're the opposite of that! [CHOMP!.]
Waah! Hold him! [GRUNTING.]
[POOL.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[TWEET!.]
Oh, gross! Well? Do you believe me now, Finn? I I don't know what to believe anymore.
Well, that's close enough.
Let's start settin' up some barricades.
[FANFARE PLAYS.]
[SHOUTING IN DISTANCE.]
There's got to be a thousand of em! Wait.
Jake, look! JAKE: These guys aren't a threat to anyone.
These guys are a threat to themselves.
[GROANS.]
Ow! [INHALES DEEPLY.]
Oh, hey, it's what's his face.
No! My men! Quickly, men! Pick yourselves up before the enemy sees! Come on, now.
That's it.
Easy does it.
Ow.
Bravest warriors, I ask you, must we have our butts handed to us by everyone we meet?! How will we ever splash around in the brains of our enemies if you guys can't take two steps without exploding?! Bliblob, I'm lookin' at you! [BLAM!.]
Can I please just get one victory once?! [ALL SOBBING.]
Now, don't start that! Don't you do it! [ALL CRYING.]
[CRIES.]
You want to just smash 'em all? What?! No, man, look, these guys aren't gonna quit until they win or die.
And they're not gonna win.
So what if we let 'em win? Just this once? What?! And mess up my stats?! No, we'd be winning by helping them to win.
That's a win.
And then they'll be happy and leave us alone.
All right.
Yesss! Now let's rally an army so we can look intimidating! Who are we gonna call? All of our friends.
My army of friends, today we will lose this battle.
But we will also win it! [ALL CHEER.]
When the enemy charges, crumble like a cookie.
When you feel their puny punches, fade like a flower and writhe in your own blood! But -- but -- how are we to bleed if none of this is real? With faith, Milady.
And ketchup.
[ALL CHEER.]
Ketchup is delicious and deceiving! And, hey, guys, let's keep the acting subtle.
Less is more! No way.
First, I'm gonna fall in love with one of those little guys.
And then I'm gonna fall out of love.
And then I'm gonna totally fake die of a fake heart attack! Oh! My heart! My heart hurts because I fell out of love! And now I have to die! Ohhhhhhh! [FANFARE PLAYS.]
[CUTIES SHOUTING.]
Get ready, y'all.
Together, we fall! Unh! Not yet, Cinnamon Bun! Yaah! ALL: Whoa! Oh, no! My bloooood! Whooooa! [LAUGHS.]
Hey! One last kiss before dying, my love.
[SMOOCHES.]
Farewell forever! Oh! Oh, my heart! Aah! I'm dead! Victory is ours! [ALL CHEERING.]
Finally I can do the victory dance! La Lada La da da la La da da da da La la la la-la la [LAUGHS.]
Oh, I'm sorry, everybody! I couldn't keep it in! CUTE KING: No! This is ketchup?! It tastes better than blood.
Or does it? Hey, Finn, you think blood tastes better than ketchup'? Jake, look.
[CRYING.]
Aw, nuts.
Cute King, wait up! We want to apologize for being fakers.
We did it to protect you from yourselves.
It doesn't matter now.
No one will ever fear our strength.
But strength isn't your strength.
Adorable cuteness is! Can I use it to control others? Um Yeah, sure! Just be righteous about it.
Show me where to start.
Pbht pbht pbht Pbht pbht pbht pbht Pbht pbht pbht pbht pbht pbht pbht [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Huh? Who could that be? I command you to make me a sandwich! What?! No one commands the Ice King to make no sandwich! What about now? [GASPS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Okay! [BOTH LAUGH.]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Come along with me And the butterflies and bees We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Come along with me To a cliff under a tree FINN: This party is so crazy!
[PENGUINS WENK.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
[SCREECHES.]
Adventure time Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the dog and Finn the human The fun will never end It's Adventure Time [HUMMING.]
[BEAT-BOXING.]
[BABBLING IN STEP.]
BOTH: Yeah! What's for b-fast, Jake? Everything burrito.
[GASPS.]
I love you, everything burrito.
[SMOOCHES.]
[THUD.]
[RATTLING.]
Aw, man.
I think someone wants to eat Everything Burrito.
I won't let them get you, baby! [SMOOCHES.]
Jake, come on! Get ready! Ready! BOTH: Yaah! [BOTH GASP.]
Peep.
So cute! Look at their little faces! [BOTH LAUGH.]
We're not cute.
We're evil! And we're here to dominate you! Get the camera, Jake.
I can't.
I'm paralyzed by the cuteness! BOTH: Beemo! Beemo! Beemo! Beemo! What? What? What? What? BOTH: Beemo, get the camera! Beemo is camera.
Enough! Now Bow down to me, Cute King, and my legion of cuties! [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Great shot, Beemo! Since you won't take us seriously, we will kill you! Until then, enjoy your burrito, Jake.
Huh? [CHUCKLES EVILLY.]
[SHRIEKS.]
My burrito! It's perfectly fine! No, Finn.
They probably poisoned it! Naaaw.
They knew my name.
They knew about the burrito.
Man, you're letting your brain dial turn your fear volume up.
You'll see.
Those cuties are nothin' but an afternoon's delight.
[YAWNS.]
Jake? What are you doing in my bed? Oh, nothin' much, you know, just chillin'.
Wait a second.
Are you still messed up about those little guys? A little.
Look, man, what do you say tomorrow morning we go track those little guys down and find out just what their deal is? Sound good, buddy? Yeah.
Thanks, buddy.
Man, you sound just like mom sometimes.
Yeah.
Good old mom.
She always knew just what to say.
Yeah.
Good night, brotha.
Good night.
JAKE: Finn! Finn! Finn, wake up, man! Wha?! Huh? I think someone's in the house.
[GRUMBLES.]
For real, man! Shh.
Listen.
Uh I swear, man.
I really heard something.
[THUD.]
[GASPS.]
Finn! I heard.
Okay.
Who's out there? What the?! That's my sword! What do they want with my sword, man? [CLATTER.]
It came from downstairs! All right.
That's it.
Where are you going? I'm gonna go manhandle those guys' banandles.
What? FINN: Well, they broke a window, but I don't see any of 'em.
I guess they left.
Oh, no! Oh, oh, no! Jake, what is it? Oh, no! It's a dead goat, man! Its guts are all over the place! It's all chopped up and spread around and -- Oh, no, wait.
It's just a blanket.
I think I left it here this morning.
[EERILY.]
Jake! Finn! This is the voice of your mom! I've come back to tell you how dumb you always are! I hate you guys so much! Oh! Get him, Jake! Aah! Aah! [HISSES.]
Blauwgh! [PANTING.]
[YELPS.]
Jake, I got him! He's freakin' out, man! - What do I do?! - Shake him! What?! Shake him around till he stops! Okay- [SHOUTING.]
[PANTING SLOWLY.]
They stopped.
Okay- Now tell 'em not to talk about our mom.
How do you even know about our mom? We've been watching you.
Learning your weaknesses.
What?! Why?! For tomorrow morning.
When our army comes and kills you both.
You think we're so cute, when actually we're the opposite of that! [CHOMP!.]
Waah! Hold him! [GRUNTING.]
[POOL.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[TWEET!.]
Oh, gross! Well? Do you believe me now, Finn? I I don't know what to believe anymore.
Well, that's close enough.
Let's start settin' up some barricades.
[FANFARE PLAYS.]
[SHOUTING IN DISTANCE.]
There's got to be a thousand of em! Wait.
Jake, look! JAKE: These guys aren't a threat to anyone.
These guys are a threat to themselves.
[GROANS.]
Ow! [INHALES DEEPLY.]
Oh, hey, it's what's his face.
No! My men! Quickly, men! Pick yourselves up before the enemy sees! Come on, now.
That's it.
Easy does it.
Ow.
Bravest warriors, I ask you, must we have our butts handed to us by everyone we meet?! How will we ever splash around in the brains of our enemies if you guys can't take two steps without exploding?! Bliblob, I'm lookin' at you! [BLAM!.]
Can I please just get one victory once?! [ALL SOBBING.]
Now, don't start that! Don't you do it! [ALL CRYING.]
[CRIES.]
You want to just smash 'em all? What?! No, man, look, these guys aren't gonna quit until they win or die.
And they're not gonna win.
So what if we let 'em win? Just this once? What?! And mess up my stats?! No, we'd be winning by helping them to win.
That's a win.
And then they'll be happy and leave us alone.
All right.
Yesss! Now let's rally an army so we can look intimidating! Who are we gonna call? All of our friends.
My army of friends, today we will lose this battle.
But we will also win it! [ALL CHEER.]
When the enemy charges, crumble like a cookie.
When you feel their puny punches, fade like a flower and writhe in your own blood! But -- but -- how are we to bleed if none of this is real? With faith, Milady.
And ketchup.
[ALL CHEER.]
Ketchup is delicious and deceiving! And, hey, guys, let's keep the acting subtle.
Less is more! No way.
First, I'm gonna fall in love with one of those little guys.
And then I'm gonna fall out of love.
And then I'm gonna totally fake die of a fake heart attack! Oh! My heart! My heart hurts because I fell out of love! And now I have to die! Ohhhhhhh! [FANFARE PLAYS.]
[CUTIES SHOUTING.]
Get ready, y'all.
Together, we fall! Unh! Not yet, Cinnamon Bun! Yaah! ALL: Whoa! Oh, no! My bloooood! Whooooa! [LAUGHS.]
Hey! One last kiss before dying, my love.
[SMOOCHES.]
Farewell forever! Oh! Oh, my heart! Aah! I'm dead! Victory is ours! [ALL CHEERING.]
Finally I can do the victory dance! La Lada La da da la La da da da da La la la la-la la [LAUGHS.]
Oh, I'm sorry, everybody! I couldn't keep it in! CUTE KING: No! This is ketchup?! It tastes better than blood.
Or does it? Hey, Finn, you think blood tastes better than ketchup'? Jake, look.
[CRYING.]
Aw, nuts.
Cute King, wait up! We want to apologize for being fakers.
We did it to protect you from yourselves.
It doesn't matter now.
No one will ever fear our strength.
But strength isn't your strength.
Adorable cuteness is! Can I use it to control others? Um Yeah, sure! Just be righteous about it.
Show me where to start.
Pbht pbht pbht Pbht pbht pbht pbht Pbht pbht pbht pbht pbht pbht pbht [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Huh? Who could that be? I command you to make me a sandwich! What?! No one commands the Ice King to make no sandwich! What about now? [GASPS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Okay! [BOTH LAUGH.]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Come along with me And the butterflies and bees We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Come along with me To a cliff under a tree FINN: This party is so crazy!