Animal Control (2023) s03e01 Episode Script

1
♪
Wait, you came out too fast.
I had a new honk ready.
- Go back in.
- Oh, yeah, no problem.
Hey, wait a second, babe.
I made you a smoothie for the truck.
Oh.
- Mmm.
- Is it too sweet?
You certainly are.
[KISS]
Bye.
Looks like the truck is gonna
have two smoothies in it,
you know what I mean? Smooth devil.
Shred, you do know I
want to like you, right?
I do.
Okay.
[SINGING AND HONKING]
Frank coming out in the morning ♪
[HONKS]
Yasmine's great.
I was on the fence about her
after she ghosted you, twice,
but she's back and better than ever.
She makes me meals,
she texts me all the time,
she remembers specific details
from conversations we've had.
- She's pretty much obsessed.
- That's great, man.
No, I mean literally obsessed.
She stares at my mouth when I talk.
She might be unstable.
That just sounds like
cool GF behavior to me.
Okay, how about this?
She watches me sleep.
So? I watch you sleep.
You tuck your hands under
your face like a tiny angel.
Great. No more truck naps.
Maybe it's you, Frank.
You just draw crazy people to you.
I took Addy to school today,
she made me drop her off a block away.
Yeah, I don't love that kid.
That's my daughter, but I hear you.
[CROSSING SIGNAL] Walk. Walk. Walk.
Everything I do mortifies her.
I can't even take my socks
off without her groaning.
Yeah, but I've seen you take
off your socks and it's weird.
You do it toe by toe like
a burlesque dancer.
Give me the female perspective.
- How do I connect with her?
- You can't.
I mean, she's a 13-year-old girl
and honestly, she kinda sucks.
[DISPATCH] Truck 8, there's a report
of a gorilla at Overlook Park.
Wait, sorry, just to double
check, did you say "gorilla?"
Like a large ape?
Or like a freedom fighter?
I'm sorry, would an armed
militant be preferable?
[DISPATCH] It's the animal.
We're Animal Control. Over.
[HONKING]
Whoa.
A giraffe and a gorilla.
I wonder if that means there's a
Zoo break!!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
♪♪
Okay, some activists released
a bunch of animals,
and we all know what happened
last time we had a zoo break.
We get the first Monday in May
off every year for a reason.
[BLOWS KISS TO THE SKY] Officer Jones.
Let's bring them home
safely, folks. Let's go.
All right, we need total focus,
no bathroom breaks.
Oh, you can use the bathroom,
just maybe make it quick.
- No twos.
- Yeah, that's fair.
Frank, what's your status?
Good news, we're following a giraffe.
Bad news, she's heading
towards electrical lines.
Good news, they're in an
underserved community
where electricity is spotty.
Bad news, the city has really
let these people down.
Emily, while I've got you,
just a friendly reminder
that Isabelle's coming to
the office for lunch today.
Yeah, Shred, I
I really don't think today
is the best day for visitors.
Not even significant others?
Rick used to come by
all the time before
He dumped Emily?
Carl, we've been over this.
Emily said he dumped her.
After I turned down
his marriage proposal.
Yeah. Emily shot first, so
Okay. Um, do we have eyes
on the flamingo, Carl?
I've got a bit of a worst case scenario.
[THUNK]
Back to Isabelle real quick.
She won't be a bother,
you just show her where the napkins are
and maybe you two can hang out a little?
Uh, yeah. How about
we keep this line clear
of personal relationship talk
and just focus on the escaped animals.
I swear there was a
huge giraffe right here.
What was that? Hello? Truck 12, come in.
- Hello?
- Truck 8 located the gorilla.
Patel, talk to me.
We have eyes on the party animal.
And this time it's not Victoria.
Okay. Stay here. Stay here.
Is the gorilla gonna be okay?
Yeah, he's gonna be fine, sweetie.
Patel! Get the rifle!
Please hold.
Okay, uh, maybe close your eyes
unless you wanna see something awesome.
It's as easy as one, two
- [DART SHOT]
- [HISSING]
[KIDS GROANING IN DISAPPOINTMENT]
Sorry! And happy birthday!
Oh, no.
Base camp, this is Truck 12.
We're back on the giraffe.
Don't worry, we won't
lose him this time.
Great. Great. Great.
I am the lord of all giraffes!
Bow down before me!
I can't believe this is working!
Hi!
We walk the giraffes on Tuesday!
I'm not surprised to see that.
See how he pulls the paper
off those red velvets?
Opposable thumbs.
Real difference maker in the jungle.
Yeah, okay, that's awesome.
Um, no pressure,
but this is our last dart.
Feels like pressure.
[DART SHOT]
[GROWLING]
- Gorilla contained.
- Copy that.
Well done.
We did it, Precinct 22. We did it!
- [CHEERING]
- [POP]
Bathrooms reopened for
any and all business.
You earned it, folks! Yeah!
They they were never
really closed, but
No, I locked 'em. Y'all did it! Yes!
- Okay, we're gonna talk about that.
- Yeah!
♪
Yep, yeah, all the animals are
accounted for, except for one.
Oreo, our male king penguin.
Probably snuck out in a
group of tiny groomsmen.
- Don't worry, we'll keep looking.
- Thank you.
His mate, Patty,
is minding their egg alone.
Oh, God, look at her.
She's keeping a brave face,
but you know she's really
suffering deep down, huh?
- I know.
- That poor egg.
Okay, we don't know
Oreo's side of things.
Hey, Patty, be honest.
Do you watch him when he sleeps?
I'm sorry for him.
He's in a weird place romantically.
His girlfriend pays attention to him.
Okay, we don't need to
involve her in my love life.
She's got zoos to keep.
Please, tell me anything.
Most of my conversations
are with barking seals.
Try sharing a truck with one.
Poor guy.
I know the shame of being
carried unconscious
from a kid's party.
Yeah, and I know the shame
of losing a deposit
on a bounce house.
- Excuse me? Excuse me, hi.
- Hi.
Channel 4 news.
Uh, quick question.
Can you just tell us, what was it like
- to manage a zoo break
- Hi.
of this magnitude?
Uh, actually, do you know what?
You should talk to my
partner, Officer Patel.
Hero, husband, father.
Get in there. Addy will love it.
Go. Impress your daughter.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Hi there, we're from Channel 4 news.
Officer Patel. I can
only give you an hour.
Hey, Animal Control,
which one of these little
piggies went to market?
Hey, Shred tells me
you think your girlfriend's crazy
for you but in a bad way.
I've been there, too.
- Both sides.
- Oh, good.
Just the conversation I wanna have
with the person who
should probably focus
on the more important things,
like finding shoes and socks.
Sorry, I tell Isabelle everything
when she tickles me.
Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does.
- Frank skipped his leg day this week.
- [GASPS]
No.
Have you guys considered making
this relationship long distance?
Over by the copier is fine.
Yeah? You wanna go by the copier?
I'll follow you anywhere, baby.
Dear lord, it's a drop-in.
What is she doing here?
See? I told you. She's obsessed.
It just looks like your girlfriend's
visiting you at work.
And with treats, which is nice.
Unless those treats are
stuffed with air tags.
I gotta break up with her.
Well, when you know, you know. You know?
Me and Shred, we know.
You and that woman who doesn't
look at all like a Yasmine,
you don't know. You know.
I think your street urchin
is trying to agree with me.
Frank, if you wanna break
up with her, that's fine,
but just promise me you won't
pull an Oreo and ghost her.
Only cowards ghost people.
I'm not afraid of looking
someone in the face
- and telling them the hard truths.
- My man.
Like how my dad thinks you're a lesbian.
Okay, I don't take offense, you know.
Although I am now
considering a hair cut.
One comment you dismiss.
Two comments starts to
feel like a consensus.
Hey, we're waving and we're
waving and everything's normal.
I'm taking her to lunch right now
and ending this once and for all.
- Hey, there you are.
- Surprise.
- Hi.
- What're you doing here?
Oh, sorry, that sounded harsh.
Why is this happening?
I heard about the zoo break.
My manager packed a bunch
of waffles to thank you all.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Not at all. Do you want to grab lunch?
I would eat these,
but thanks to your job
I've had every possible variation
- of the waffle.
- [LAUGHS]
- Have lunch here.
- No.
The famous Yasmine.
I mean, we've been dying to meet you.
She doesn't know who you are.
I don't talk about work.
Victoria. Obviously Shred.
- Hi.
- Isabelle.
And is that Emily over
there in the window?
- Uh-huh.
- Wow. You've catalogued all the names
of the people I work with.
It's chilling. Do you want
to go get a salad,
somewhere public, maybe?
No, no, no. You're not taking her away.
I have so many questions
for you, like why Frank?
And also, him? Really?
- Him.
- I'm on TV! Everybody shut up!
Oh, I've heard such nice things
about you, so nice to meet you.
- Oh.
- Everybody, shut up!
I'm on the television!
In one of the most dramatic
moments of today's zoo break,
Animal Control Officer, Amit
Patel needed a tranquilizer dart
to subdue a gorilla.
I just want to assure everyone at home
that Timothée the gorilla is safe
and back at the zoo.
Safe and back at the zoo.
Amit Patel, local Seattle hero.
- TJ, back to you.
- [MAN] Nice work with that gorilla!
- Thumbs!
-
[LAUGHS]
- Thumbs?
- Yeah. Opposable thumbs.
Of all things associated with gorillas,
you blurted out "thumbs?"
Well, yeah. It was top of mind.
King Kong, Donkey Kong, Coco, bananas,
Diane Fossy, and you went with thumbs?
I think it sounded cool.
I agree with Carl.
You know Carl's name?
Oh, Carl Kurtkazky?
Thank you, Yasmine. Frank, I like her.
But is she wrong? Because I wonder
if maybe I embarrassed myself
and my family further.
No, I think you're fine. I mean,
I think Addy's a teenager,
so she's never gonna see the
news unless you show it to her.
Yeah, exact
Are you are you saying
I shouldn't show her?
Just got a call from dispatch,
there's been a penguin sighting
at Big Splash Waterpark.
That's gotta be Oreo.
Frank, we have to get
him back to his missus.
Nobody waddles out on
their family on my watch.
I know this doesn't
sound like a real job,
but I have to go catch a penguin.
We'll grab dinner later,
somewhere between our places
so we can take separate vehicles?
Sounds more inconvenient, but sure.
You can tell me all
about your exciting day.
That will be the main thrust
of our conversation.
- Shred, let's go.
- Yes.
Hey, I think I'm gonna stay here
and go through the lost and found.
Oh, yeah? What'd you lose?
Eh, I'll know it when I see it.
Good luck out there.
[STARTLES]
- Hey, boss.
- Hey.
Uh, if you can see them,
they can see you.
That was what I wanted.
Always watching, like
a normal, good boss.
You have no reason to
feel insecure or weird
around some pretty girl
who's dating Shred.
No, no. No, no, no. I don't.
And and are we all agreed
that she's pretty?
Okay, you need to work
on whatever this is
because the Emily
that I fell in love with
wasn't threatened by a beautiful woman.
A beautiful now she's beautiful?
She was pretty, but now she's beautiful.
She's had a makeover over the
course of this conversation,
which is great for her
and I I hear it.
I am spiraling a little bit.
So I should probably deal with that,
even though I've never been
so productive in my life.
I mean, I've already done
next year's taxes somehow
and I don't even know how much I made.
Let's just take a breath
and make some tea,
and then we're just gonna
really get in there.
Okay, well, I hope you have floaties
because this pool is deep.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[DISPATCH] Responding
officers, penguin spotted.
Top of the Splash Blaster.
Copy. Approaching.
Oreo?
Frank, it's him.
-
- "Yaz."
Now we're giving her a nick name?
Hey, Shred, you gotta hurry up.
Yasmine is starting to
form office friendships.
I haven't even done that yet.
I think he wants to go down the slide.
No, you want to go down the slide.
He wants to sit on an
iceberg alone eating krill.
Listen, this guy is clearly
looking for answers.
I think he just needs to take
a little journey, Frank.
I'm gonna send him.
Okay, buddy.
That's right. Yep.
[CHITTERS]
Bird incoming.
- [SHRED] Which slide?
- The blue one.
Which blue one?
[SHRED] The Splash Blaster.
Got it.
I don't see him.
[SHRED] Maybe he's stuck.
I should probably slide down and check.
You're totally wearing a bathing suit
under your uniform, aren't you?
Affirmative. I'm going in.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Wooo!
Oreo, I'm coming to see you. Yeah.
Wooo!
He wasn't in there! Did I miss him?
I mean, I was booking, man.
I just wanna set the scene here,
an animal with a top land
speed of two miles an hour
evaded you and you've got a
loose bandage in your hair.
What have I done?
Poor Patty, poor egg.
As God is my witness I will
reunite this family, Frank.
-
- Good God.
She's assimilated the lunch bunch.
I have to quit my job.
Do you Do you have a towel?
♪
Oh, hi. Can I help you?
Yes, you can.
Hi. I would like to adopt a dog.
I'm looking for something
fluffy and little and loyal.
Unlike my assistant who just quit
and forced me to adopt my own dog.
Actually, could you come back later?
We were about to do a deep dive
and it's about to get raw.
Oh, I have a body butter for that.
Unless you mean emotionally raw,
in which case I have a different
body butter for that.
Oh, my gosh, it's it's you.
I just watched your Ted Talk.
You're, uh
At the level of fame you
don't know my name.
[LAUGHS]
Um
Fff
Fi
Fi Foo
- Fiona Holcomb.
- Fiona Holcomb.
Yes, the lifestyle brand maven.
- That's me.
- Of course. Oh, my gosh.
I'm Emily Holcomb.
- No.
- Nope. No, I'm not. It's Emily Price.
Uh, sorry, I've never met a
female billionaire before.
Or any billionaire, so
Breathe.
- [INHALES]
- There we go.
Spots. Tiny little spots.
- Too deep. Too deep.
- It's very exciting for me.
[MESSAGE ALERT]
It's Addy. She must have unblocked me.
"You seen this?"
- Thumbs!
-
- [REMIX MUSIC]
- I just want to tell everyone
that Timothée, the gorilla is safe
- and back at the zoo.
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- Thumbs!
- What is ?
Thumbs!
I'm everywhere.
This is so great!
She's texting me again.
"You ruined my whole life."
- Yeah, there she goes.
- She blocked me again.
This seems worse than the socks thing.
Truck 8 to Truck 12.
Oh, so my stuff's over then, huh?
- Truck 12 responding.
- I just wanted to say
that Yasmine is a great hang.
She is so fun to make fun of you with.
Plus, she gave us those waffles,
some of them had chocolate
chips in them, the tiny kind?
Okay.
Hello? Hello? Did you cut out?
No, he's just being weird
because he wants to dump her for
bizarre and confusing reasons.
- What?! That's crazy!
- She's so much better than him!
She likes to watch me sleep
and I found a pair of my
compression shorts at her place.
Yes, but maybe you just left them there.
No, she wants my scent.
Well, she could sniff a bar of
Irish Spring soap then, maybe.
[LAUGHS]
Seriously, she's young, she's hot,
she clearly has low standards.
You're just sabotaging this
because it's getting serious.
She's kinda right. You're a saboteur.
Totally. Can we raincheck
this conversation?
Do not pull a Victoria
and break up with her
just because things are
going well, you muppet.
You know, maybe I left the
compression shorts there
after I went to the gym.
Is it possible this is all in my head?
- Yes!
- Yes! Yes.
Yes.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[ADDY] Dad!
Dad, come here! Over here, Dad!
Hey, everything okay?
Stop being weird.
My friends want to meet Officer Thumbs.
Everyone at school
thinks you're hilarious.
Thumbs, can I get a photo?
Oh, uh yeah, okay.
Everyone, here he comes. Get in.
Yeah.
[SNAPPING PHOTOS]
- Do the voice?
- [CHANTING] Do the voice!
Do the voice!
Thumbs!
[CHEERING]
Okay. I will take her.
Oh. That was fast.
Yes. Well, it had to be. Um
Oh, I don't want to be rude,
but, um it absolutely reeks in here.
Um, yeah, it does.
- No, that's fair.
- Yeah.
In my perfect world, we'd
have a designated play area
that could double as a space
for adoption visits, but
There's no perfect world
unless you create it.
I'm just gonna jot that down real quick.
Have you not read my new book?
I thought it wasn't out yet.
- I'm so sorry.
- No apologies.
What is holding you back from
building that dream space, Emily?
Funds, mostly, and also a little, um
No, it's 100 percent funds.
Are you being fearlessly
honest with yourself?
Oh, that's one of your
core philosophies.
- It is.
- Yes, that's right. Um
- Well, I just got out of a relationship
- Okay.
um, and then there's this other guy,
- but he's kind of
- Mm-hmm. Okay, okay, okay.
You really need to read Chapter 6.
- Totally.
- Shh.
When faced with a setback,
double down on an area of strength.
Now, work is clearly an area
of strength for you, Emily.
Oh, really? Do you think so?
If you need money, you
need a fundraising board
and someone great to run it.
Um, you are someone great. [CHUCKLES]
I am.
Yeah.
Write a proposal.
If it wows me, I will do it.
[PHONE RINGS]
I need to take this.
Oh, she just took the dog.
You know, we have, um, some
forms and a $45 adoption fee.
But you know, I'll front you
and then we'll settle up when,
uh, we talk about the board.
Clear my afternoon, Bettany.
I have a book to read
and a proposal to write.
- We aren't having tea, are we?
- No.
A fearless look at my pain
will just have to wait.
Everyone was so sweet.
Patel even showed me
his secret napping spot.
Really, I just found him
sleeping under his desk.
Yeah, he makes a surprisingly
comfortable foot rest.
[LAUGHS]
I want to say I'm sorry for
acting so weird earlier.
Zoo breaks only happen
once every 40 years,
so I probably only have
one left in my career.
How long do you plan on working?
Oh, I have Peter Pan syndrome.
I haven't thought about it.
- [LAUGHS]
- But I'm really glad you came by.
It was about time you met everybody.
- Yeah?
- Definitely.
Oh.
[KISS]
Okay, listen. Um, do you
remember my cousin Anne?
- With the X-Files tattoo?
- Yeah.
She's getting married in Madrid
and my whole family's gonna be there,
and they would all really
love to meet you.
Absolutely. Definitely. I'm in.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Hey, I'm here. Frank?
I couldn't do it. I'm ghosting her.
She wants me to go to freakin' Madrid.
I'm also stuck, so can
you give me a tug?
- Wait, I thought you were back in.
- No.
I'm taking the coward's way out.
I admit it, I have intimacy
issues, so give me a tug,
- you judgmental bastard.
- Wait, your butt is wedged.
No offense, but that's
a lot of Frank cake.
Do you want me to get
Isabelle? She's in the car.
Why? We need someone to
steal me out the window?
Wow. Okay, it's hard to take
the moral high ground
when you're halfway out
of a bathroom, bud.
I like to think that I'm
halfway in the bathroom.
I'm a pessimist, so
- Okay.
- Okay.
- You ready?
- Here we go. Okay.
[GROANS]
One, two
[GROANS]
Okay, two more tugs and we
gotta think about losing the pants.
[GROANS]
- No, no, no, no!
- [THUD]
[KNOCKING]
Hey. I'm here to apologize.
- I'm sure you got a lot of questions.
- Not really.
You freaked out and ghosted me.
I'm pretty familiar with that move.
I'm sorry. I made up this
whole story in my head
that you were obsessed with me.
- Obsessed with you?
- I know, it's my stuff.
You're amazing, I'm just
an emotional cripple.
Well, thank you for saying that,
but we are about 12 years past
being able to use that phrase.
Add that to the list of things
that I need to work on,
along with my inability to
avoid weird goodbyes.
So au revoir, mademoiselle.
Just as soon as you
go taking that vow ♪
There'll be a change in your ways ♪
Goodbye.
♪
You better run for your life ♪
[SIGHS]
Unless you're running into love ♪
Huggin' and kissin' is ♪
You're running into love. ♪