Baby Daddy s03e01 Episode Script

- Oh ho, yeah.
- Awesome.
- Don't touch those.
- Oh! They're apology waffles for Ben.
Well, I'm mad at you too.
For what? For not giving me any waffles.
Good morning.
Oh, there they are, miracle one and miracle two.
Well, what about me? It was a miracle I got you out of me.
Mom, there aren't enough waffles in Manhattan to make up for the fact that you brought Emma's mom back into our lives last night.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
What about toast? Huh? Riley's gonna be here any minute.
How am I supposed to start a new romance when my old one's crashing on the couch? Well, some of that may have been avoided if you hadn't actually said, "hey, want to crash on our couch?" What am I supposed to do? I mean, Angela did give me Emma.
And if I didn't have Emma, what would I have? A much less complicated love life.
She said she just wants to spend some time and reconnect.
I can't say no to that.
Why not? I mean, what do we even know about this girl other that she's kind of trampy and pretty fertile? We can't leave Emma alone with her.
I'm not.
You're gonna keep an eye on Angela while I keep an eye on my relationship with Riley.
Hey, should we really be calling this little thing you got going on with Riley a relationship? I mean, it was just a kiss, right? You don't know the power of my kiss.
Knock knock.
Hey.
Hi.
There you go.
See? So, how did it go with Angela after I left? Fine, yeah, all good.
Look, Ben, if you need some time to sort all of this out, I totally understand.
There's nothing to sort out.
Angela is not gonna be a problem.
You won't even notice she's around.
Morning! Aww, there's my little family.
Hey, Ben, you mind if I get dressed in your room? Hi, ri.
So, so far I'm noticing.
so, ah? What do you think? I kind of feel like a superhero.
It's a bird.
It's a plane.
It's questionable-fashion man.
Well, I have to do something.
It's either wear these until I get them removed or find two new girlfriends named Amy and Riley.
Ugh, yeah.
The sooner they're both gone, the better.
Maybe it'll help wash off some of that stench of breakup you've got clinging to you.
That's just my shampoo.
No.
It's a combination of heartbreak and roadkill.
No woman will come near it, which means I should probably move myself to another table.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I'm fine.
How could you be? Dude, the love of your life just hooked up with your brother and the girl you've been dating for the past three months just dumped your ass.
Man, maybe I'm not fine.
Exactly.
But I am going to rebuild you using my patented five-step Tucker process.
T-U-C-K-E-R.
That's six steps.
I couldn't think of anything for "T.
" Okay, "T," terminate all memories.
Okay, e-mails, sappy photos, texts.
I know what "K" is for.
It's "keep out of my business".
I can handle this on my own.
Hey, isn't Ben supposed to be working today? Oh, he took the afternoon off so he could take a few other things off Of Riley.
Okay, what do those letters stand for again? That's what I thought.
I'm not moving too fast, am I? Ben, we've spent the last 20 years getting to know each other.
It's not too fast.
I like the way you think.
In fact, um Maybe we should move things into your room and we can move too fast there.
I really like the way you think.
Wait, wait, wait.
Is it too fast? Is this a mistake? I always say just go with your first instinct.
I just I don't want things to get weird between us.
Well, there's one way to solve that.
Make sure there's nothing between us.
Ben What if the thought of us is better than the real us? I mean, what if we go out and it gets awkward? And so we can't hang out anymore and I can't go by the bar.
And suddenly, I can't see Danny, you know, because he's taking sides.
So to get over it, I have to move to Denver.
But I hate the cold, so I end up in Miami.
And suddenly, I have this closet full of winter coats that I can't wear.
And what am I going to do with all of those coats? Honestly, you lost me at Denver.
I just really want it to be special.
Look, I do too.
So why don't I plan us the perfect first date? And we'll just see where it goes.
And we can take it as slow as you want to take it.
You just let me know when you're ready.
Okay.
"Okay" as in you're ready? No? I didn't think so.
Boop.
Are you ready to have your life transformed? Are you ready to be tuckered? - Tucker me.
- Yeah.
There.
"T" is now complete.
I have just terminated all of Amy's contact info As well any one else's name who starts with "a.
" Tucker! Wow, that was fast.
So either you didn't do it Or you didn't do it right.
We decided to take it slow to make sure it's special.
Okay, so I hear the words, but I have no idea what you're saying.
I'm saying this is different.
This is Riley.
I don't want to do anything to screw it up.
And I'm already teetering on the brink.
Oh great, here comes the brink now.
Hi, ladies.
Hi, Emma.
How was your big day out with mama? Well, it was a little rough.
You know how Emma is around strangers.
Hey, why don't you buy me lunch and I'll tell you all the secrets of parenting.
Hard work, patience, and proximity.
I thought Ben was spending the afternoon with Riley.
They're such a cute couple.
Well, they're hardly a couple.
I don't think it's even been 24 hours.
Really? Good to know.
Yeah, but then again, that's almost twice as long as you and Ben went out.
Look, I know it was just one night, but does Ben ever talk about me? I've actually thought about him a lot.
Oh, oh no.
We all talk about you.
"Where's Emma's mom? I wonder where she lives.
" Okay, look, lady.
I know I've made some mistakes.
Okay, yeah.
Um But you have to understand.
I didn't have all the love and support that Ben has.
I didn't have an incredible, selfless mother who would do anything for me.
Well, who does really? Other than Ben And Jesus.
Seriously, guys, am I just kidding myself that Riley and I could ever work? Well, I don't want to be all negative, but I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Dude, you know what your problem is, right? You've just got to get past naked.
Yo, man, baby on board.
- What? - I forgot, my bad.
- Get past naked? - Yeah, once you've seen each other naked, it won't be that big of a deal and everything will be cool Or not.
That is truly the worst idea I've ever heard.
I like it.
And that proves it.
I'm sorry, get past what? Naked! And this is your idea of the perfect first date? Well, sort of.
But even if we go on the perfect date, which we will, we'll still have the same issue.
So I'm just putting it out there that maybe we should just put it out there.
Ben, that is truly not Nearly as crazy as it sounds.
Actually, that kind of makes sense.
It does? Really? I thought for sure you'd never stop talking, Ben.
Okay, so, so, should we just like No, I can't just do it in front of you.
Okay, maybe I need to explain again how this is supposed to work.
Just let me get undressed in your room.
Okay, we'll count to ten.
Oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this.
Right, one oh, so we're doing it now? - Two.
- Okay.
Three.
Four.
Come on, stupid high-tops! - Five.
- And that's why I know a lot of cops.
You can't be here right now.
Where's Riley? I thought you two were going out tonight.
- Yeah, me and Riley are both - Ten! So annoying.
Even when she runs, nothing jiggles.
Seriously? Get past naked? The only thing more romantic would be the backseat of a car and a cop's flashlight in your face.
God, those things are bright.
Well, I'll have you know it was working until you showed up with you know who.
Ben, this is Riley we're talking about.
She's not some random girl you meet in a bar that becomes the mother of your child.
I know I have to do something special.
Yeah.
It needs to be the kind of thing that we remember for the rest of our lives.
Well, if that's the criteria, I'd forget anything having to do with margaritas.
What was his name? You know, a restaurant just seems so blah and a day in the park is so cliche.
Pablo, yes.
Ugh, that would have kept me up all night Just like Pablo.
- Mom! - Sorry, sorry.
You know, I better go get Emma ready before that strumpet blows back in.
One prodigal mother diapered up and reporting for baby duty.
Hey, mom just went in to get her ready.
Ah, probably teaching her how to spit up on me on command.
But I'm not letting up until I win her over.
How close am I to winning you over? I can honestly say that I'm happy that Emma's gonna get to know her mom.
Thanks.
I just wish there was some way we could start over.
You know, that's a good idea, starting over.
That's actually a really good idea.
You are a very smart girl.
Thank you.
I'll see you later.
Okay, she is all ready to go.
Happy hour or as I like to call it, the dating buffet.
And tonight, it is all-you-can-meet.
All right, where were we? "T," done.
Wow.
Nice job on terminating those tattoos, by the way.
Yeah, it's a good thing I had a two-for-one coupon.
All right, now on to the letter "U".
New underwear, got 'em, wearing 'em, - feeling good.
- Whoo.
- All right.
- "C," cocktails.
- Aah.
What's next? - Whoo.
"E," engage.
Also known as picking up a hot stranger.
It's my favorite step.
Oh.
I got this.
Hey, I'm Danny.
I'm trying to meet a girl to help me get over my ex.
I used to have her name tattooed on my wrist.
Oh my God, do you smell smoke? I do 'Cause you just crashed and burned.
Oh, hey, Riley, nice to see you.
Nice to see me? Really? So did Ben tell everyone I was naked? Not everyone, just me and the waitresses.
But he did leave you this.
Thanks.
Hey, Riles, what's up? I'm just hanging out here at happy hour fighting off the babes.
It's crazy.
Oh, that's nice, Danny.
Oh, my God.
Just when I think your brother is the biggest idiot on the planet, he turns around and does something so sweet.
He's planned a scavenger hunt of all the places that mean something to us.
And the first place is where he ditched me on the subway.
How cute is that? Adorables.
I'll see you later.
Ben, hello? Last clue says to meet you here.
Anyone? Hey, it's me.
What we need to do is start over.
So if you're interested, meet me in room 430 at the b street hotel.
I'll be waiting.
Oh, and wipe your feet on the doormat Or as you like to call it, - the baby dump.
- Okay, seriously, Mrs.
Wheeler.
I carried Emma around for nine months and shoved her out with zero painkillers.
I'm pretty sure I can go solo for a couple of hours.
All right.
All right, fine.
Yeah, I will just put Emma down and then I will be on my way.
And by "on my way," I mean right across the alley where I can see everything.
Hey, it's me.
What we need to do is start over.
So if you're interested, meet me in room 430 at the b street hotel.
I'll be waiting.
This is going to be perfect.
I felt this connection.
- I don't really believe in soul mates - Hey, Tucker, I did it.
I'm back.
I just met two flight attendants over at the bar.
And then I was like, "hey, maybe Tucker wants one.
" O.
M.
G.
, I do want one.
Sorry it didn't work out.
They're staying at the hotel upstairs and just invited us to their room for a little after-party.
Hotel room, you know what that means.
Tiny fridge, tiny soaps, big mistakes! Yeah, they want us to meet them up there in 10 minutes in room 421.
Or was it 412? - Wait, I wrote it on this napkin.
- Oh, good.
Wait a second! Come in.
Ben? Angela, what are you doing here? Well, it's pretty clear what you think I'm doing here.
God, and I thought you were fast the first time.
What are you what are you doing? The shoes stay on.
You've got this all wrong.
But you said you wanted to start over.
That wasn't for you.
That was for ri God, what is going on here? Riley, it's not as bad as it looks.
I'm talking about the situation and not anything else you might be looking at.
- I can't even.
- Riley, no, wait.
Riley, Riley, Riley.
Please, it's all just a big misunderstanding.
Obviously, I was in there waiting for you.
- Naked? - Well, in the spirit of you showing me yours, I thought I'd show you mine.
What is Angela doing here? - I don't know what she's doing here? - Oh, oh! Look, there's a giant "R" written in rose petals on the bed.
Angela doesn't even have an "R" in it.
Three simple numbers.
How could you not remember? What is wrong with you? Whoa, Ben! Dude, get a room.
Yeah, I'm trying.
Okay, normally, I'd be way more curious about this, but you two haven't seen a couple of hot stews running around, have you? No, I can't say that I have, but you know what? You might want to check Ben's room.
Excuse me, guys, we're kind of in the middle of something here.
I don't know.
It looks like it might be at the end to me.
Oh, good, there you are.
Oh, honey, just because you put it under a dome, doesn't make it special.
Mom, what are you doing here? I was worried that Angela might have seen that message you left for Riley on the laptop and think it was for her.
I wanted to make sure nothing went wrong with you and Riley's special night.
Oh, no, no.
It's been magical.
Riley, just let me go grab my robe and we can talk about this, okay? No, don't close the door! Oops.
Dude, seriously, this is not a good look on you coming or going.
Really? No one can even lend me their shirt? Remind me to never order room service from this place.
Did you really make a giant "R" out of rose petals? Most certainly did.
So does that mean you forgive me? Most certainly does.
Well, the good news is we got past naked.
Now we just have to try and do it at the same time.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
How can you say that? I don't know, it just it shouldn't be so hard.
Riley, we're meant to be together.
I know it and I think you do too.
It'll work itself out.
I promise.
What about Angela? Angela has nothing to do with this.
She is just Emma's mom and that's it.
She's a non-factor.
I can't not let her see Emma.
I know, but obviously she thinks something is going on.
I mean, she wants to start over otherwise she never would have gone to that hotel room.
Hey, she's not dead.
It sounded funnier in my head.
I don't know.
Look, there's no rush.
Whenever or wherever or however we finally do something special, it's gonna be special because it's you and me.
That was pretty special.
Oh, it's gonna get a lot more special than that.
Just let me say goodnight to Emma.
All right.
Am I too late? Shh, yeah, I think she's out.
Ben, I am so sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
We'll talk about it in the morning.
Okay.
God, she's so beautiful.
I can't believe we actually made her.
It amazes me every day.
To the Tucker system.
To the Tucker system.
Turns out "K" stands for "key" to Ben's hotel room.
Right.
What do you think is taking so long in there? Who knows? Girl stuff.
O.
M.
G.
, that bathtub is huge! Hey, do you think Ben would mind if we charged a few movies to his credit card? Why not? It is his special night.
Shove over, boys.