Being Erica (2009) s03e01 Episode Script
The Rabbit Hole
Previously on "Being Erica":
My brand of therapy
is not traditional.
But I will say is this, whatever it is that you are unhappy about, I can fix it.
You think I'm supposed to accept that I'm just like what, time travelling? Because this This can't be for real.
I mean, every time I try to step outside of the box a little, it's like you keep trying to push me in.
You will pack up your desks and be out before lunch.
Both of you.
Let's start a company, together.
Maybe This is the universe's way of giving us a push.
Erica, you made a commitment and I'm here to help you honour it.
You're done you're list or your therapy.
I have no job, no boyfriend And how does that feel? It feels scary But strangely okay.
Everything that you've taught me, it's made me braver somehow.
It's time, Erica.
Choose a door.
All this feels strange and untrue and I won't waste a minute without you my bones ache, my skin feels cold and I'm getting so tired and so old tell me that you'll open your eyes tell me that you'll open your eyes That's usually my seat, but go ahead, sit there if you'd like.
No worries.
I'm Rebecca.
Oh.
Um, hi.
Rebecca, hello again.
You must be Erica? I'm Darryl.
Hi, Darryl.
Camilla.
Welcome.
It's a pleasure.
Uh, have a seat.
Adam.
How's it going? Uh it's going.
Except for the fact that I don't exactly know where I am or wh Yeah, I remember that feeling.
Well, to answer your questions- You're here because you're ready to start "phase two.
" Do you always have to do that? What? What did I do? You beat me to the punchline.
So, this is a support group? Yeah, that's one way of putting it.
It's more than that, but support is part of it.
Here's the thing, Erica.
We learn from each other, because we've all been through the same thing with Dr.
Tom.
I'm, I'm sorry.
Dr.
Tom? Yeah.
We're all patients of his.
He didn't tell you? Well, he is a doctor and I mean, of course he has other patients.
That just That goes without saying.
So you said that this is phase two.
And how many phases are there? Dr.
Tom: Three.
And the third phase, it's what exactly? You really have no clue? You become a doctor, Erica.
That's phase three.
Being Erica 3x01 The Rabbit Hole Original air date on September 21, 2010 it's clearer inside of me who I will always be open me up to my heart feels like I'm seeing in the dark waking me up to my heart to do it all over again and again until the end the sum of my dreams and everything I ever wanted to be I become a doctor? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
No one here is becoming a doctor anytime soon.
This is the next phase of your journey as a patient.
We do though, you know, we do get to "practice" on each other, instead of torturing real patients.
Okay.
Have you ever heard of man named Irvin Yalom, Erica? He wrote a very influential text.
On time travel therapy? On group therapeutic practices.
And he recognized the following: Empathy - learning about yourself through the experiences of others; universality Coles notes, Camilla.
Please.
In a nutshell, the group is a force that pushes you further; that takes you places you might not go one-on-one.
What she means is, we're five bullshit detectors.
We don't have to be all calm and professional like Dr.
Tom.
We say it how it is.
Dr.
Tom: Erica, why don't you, uh Stand up.
Just right up there in the middle, and tell us all where you're at.
Okay.
I'm I'm from Toronto, and I'm single.
I'm recently single, I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Dr.
Tom: Erica.
It was a really Dr.
Tom: No, no, I meant Why don't you tell us what you're feeling, right now.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm feeling, um Overwhelmed, obviously, but in a good way.
'Cause I feel ready to start phase two.
Doc, can I say something on that? Yeah.
You say you're excited? Yeah.
I don't believe it.
'Cause actually you look upset and defensive.
And check out your arms, they're all closed up.
You look like you're hiding something.
Well, I'm not hiding anything.
I'm fine.
I'm just A little bit nervous, maybe.
But that's normal given the circumstances.
Ah nerves, sure, yeah.
But that's not what I mean.
It's like you're telling us what you think we want to hear.
Oh and is that your "bullshit detector"? 'Cause it really just feels to me like you're picking on me.
I'm not, Erica.
And I'm not judging you either.
I'm just asking you to be honest.
And why would I lie? Well being a hundred percent honest in a room full of strangers is really hard.
I don't really know what you want me to say.
Well, this is a lot to digest.
Let's, uh Call it a day.
Thank you, everyone.
So Erica, is there anything that you wanted to ask me? I mean, about any of this? No.
No, I'm good.
And hey, if I have any questions, there's four other people that I can ask, right? So Okay.
Ivan, let me explain it to you in a way you might understand.
More tables means more customers.
Yes, David, but we're going for intimate here, right? Not cavernous and cheap and No.
Oh yes.
No.
We're not replacing the bar.
Paying customer here, waiting to drink a latte.
Sorry.
Some people don't understand the concept of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
" And if it wasn't broke, it wouldn't have been for sale, Hmm? Whoa! What is going on here? Well, it looks like "Fraggle Rock," but sounds like "Queer as Folk.
" Hi, Erica.
The usual? Are vanilla lattes still on the menu? If Ivan hasn't taken them off, then yeah.
I heard that, David, I was born with ears.
Bionic ears.
Hey, Dave.
Sorry, but who's Ivan? My partner - in life, and now in business.
We just bought the place.
I may be the junior partner, but I still have a say in what goes on around here.
I heard that too.
Dave likes men?! Men, they like Dave? Yes, chicken, that's how "gay" works.
Anyhoo, happy first day of our new business.
Yay us! Really? Yes.
Hey.
Okay.
Now, before Seth arrives, I wanted to go over a few "deets.
" In here you will find our Articles of Incorporation, an attack plan, .
Wowzer, that's a That's a lot of money.
I don't mind shouldering a little bit more of the burden at first- no way.
No way.
Partners means equals, which means I will I will figure out a way to come up with my half.
Well, you've done a lot of work here.
Well, I have been in the "biz" since I was 19, so I have a lot of contacts and, more importantly, lots of ideas.
Here.
We're gonna get the ball rolling tonight, at the A.
G.
O.
They're holding a little shindig for the Festival of Authors.
Great! And you know what? I have some thoughts of my own.
Whoo! It's a compass.
Starting with a detailed analysis of the top book stores in the country.
Now, I think that the goal should be to publish "The Purple Door" and get it into chapters.
No it's not, chicken.
Not anymore.
Now there's the Kindle, the e-reader, the ipad! E-publishing.
It's the future of reading.
Great.
And I absolutely think that e-publishing should be a part of our business plan.
Uh, but what about books? You know, real, solid, curl up on the couch with, take to the beach? Yeah, books cost money.
They have to be barcoded, warehoused, shipped Mucho dinero that we do not have.
Get it? Yeah, yeah.
Totally.
Oh, and here he comes our first author right now.
Seth! I am so happy you could make it on such short notice.
Yeah, of course.
Talking about my book, for real? This is wicked.
Hey, Erica.
Hello, you.
Muah.
Muah.
Now, before we get started, have a seat.
I just wanted to start by saying that we are so stoked for our plans for your manuscript.
"The Purple Door.
" And I heart the name.
I heart .
Thank you.
So anyways, Seth, we were, uh- Tell me- oh.
You go ahead, Erica.
Um, we were just thinking um You know what, Julianne, go ahead.
Okay, so tell me, what do you know about e-books? E-books? Are you kidding me? I download everything I read.
They're fantastic! And that's what i'm talking about.
E-books put the "e" in future and the future is now.
O-o-o-o-oh she's fantastic Okay.
Game plan.
We need to control the message here.
Smile, stand tall, and if anyone asks, we just lay it out.
Wee the new kids on the block.
New kids without an office.
Julianne Giacomelli: Ah, but we do have a couple of "hot properties" we're planning on optioning.
We spin, Erica.
Right.
Spin.
Got it.
Just don't name names, keep everything very general.
Okay, wait.
Is that Lesley Kalajian? Where? Over there.
Katie's Agent.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go chat her up.
Why don't you grab drinks and then join us? This is so exciting, right? Hey! Hi! You guys met at Jim's party, right? Is that how you guys met? Yes.
At what book review was that? Thank you.
Erica Strange.
Brent.
It's good to see you.
I've been meaning to give you a ding-a-ling.
No you haven't.
You look tired, my friend.
Well, I'm not tired and I'm not your friend.
Oh and Julianne is? The woman who abused you, manipulated you, and ended up getting you fired? Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Look, I'm not saying I've been perfect in all of this.
Brent makes mistakes, okay? And what happened to you What happened to you was my biggest.
Let me talk to Galvin and see if I can convince him to give you your job back now that things have settled.
Brent, I don't want my job back.
'Cause we have started our own publishing company.
Oh, Erica.
"We've started"? What are you, Julianne's assistant? No, I'm her partner.
We're, we're equals.
Equals.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
She does the shmoozing and you fetch the vino.
Or the lattes.
Stand and smile while she talks a blue streak.
You know what, Brent? I wouldn't take the job back even if you begged me to.
Oh, oh, and by the way, do you remember that manuscript by Seth Newman? The one that you, with your great taste, passed on? Well, it's ours.
And it's gonna be our first title and it's gonna be huge.
And I am the one that found it, which goes to show how much Julianne trusts m as her new partner.
So, I don't need your help or your pity, because I'm, I'm I'm doing just fine.
Uh! Hello, Erica.
Here.
Let me get these for you.
Hi.
Dr.
Tom: So, why don't you tell us what just happened.
Well, a former colleague of mine was being an idiot, so I, basically, I told him to shove it.
Can I sit down? How did you feel when you did that? Ugh why do keep asking me that? How do I feel? How do you feel? Well, I feel like I want this to be about someone else.
You're doing it again.
I'm doing what? Avoiding the truth.
Censoring yourself and holding back.
Now, I really uncomfortable.
Why are you rushing her? I'm not! We learn by doing, right? So why don't we just let her do something? Yes, thank you! Do something.
'Cause you know what? Anything is better than this.
I don't think that's what Adam meant.
So is this it? Is this group just sitting around, you know, talking about my feelings? I mean what about the regrets? What about my list? What about time travel? Is there any of that? Yeah, sure.
Yeah, you'll still go back in time - sometimes alone, but sometimes in pairs or groups, depending on what the journey calls for.
That's the way it works in group, Erica.
We work together, we push each other.
Help each other, without taking over.
Way more challenging than it sounds.
Well, let's do this.
I'm up for a challenge.
Look at you chomping at the bit.
Adam, shut up.
What? If she's ready to jump right in, then why not let her? And since you're in favour, I'm assuming that you won't mind being Erica's partner on this? Whatever I can do to help.
Dr.
Tom: Well, how 'bout, um May 21st, 2002.
What does that date signify? It's, uh It's the day my mom died and my regret is that she died alone.
My dad and her were divorced, my younger brother John was in jail and I I was, uh I was on the job This was back when i was working for hastings and he needed me that night, so I went.
I knew it was wrong, but You don't say "no" to hastings.
And when I got back later that night, there was a message on my phone.
My mom had died.
So if I could go back, I'd uh You know, I'd be there with her.
Okay.
Erica? Yeah? You ready? Uh, wait.
Do I get some direction? I mean how do I know what to do? Well, you said you wanted to do something, right? Jump right in.
Just make sure that you land on your feet.
You gotta run, Erica.
Run! Come on! Ah! Run? Run from what? That.
Stop, police! Oh my God! Oh my God! C-13.
Send a car out to ontario and queen.
In pursuit of white male, 20s, headed east with a white female.
Stop! Police! I get, I get what I own don't let, don't let aaaaahhh gotta get outta the way! no time for me to stay everyone in the world don't affect you Ahhhh! Okay, this way.
Come on! Come on! Okay, right! Right! Right! Right! Whaaaaa! You okay? Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so what do we do now? Where do we go? Away from here.
Come on.
So why are the cops chasing you? It's not important.
Look, I know that I'm new at this, and it is your past, but if I'm supposed to be helping you, you gotta keep me in the loop here, Adam.
Those are watches.
Yeah, rolex, three tag's, a couple of movado's.
You stole those? What do you think? Yeah, I stole them.
So what are you? A thief? I was an enforcer for a loan shark.
An enforcer.
And that mns that you Beat up people or took their shit if they couldn't pay.
In this case, I believe I did both.
Well, you should return them.
Are you panicking? Is this - being here - too much for you? What?! No.
Why? Because take these back? Really? Well, they're not yours.
And just what, walk back in the store and say, "oh, sorry, I kicked the shit out of you, but here you go.
Have them back.
No hard feelings"? Are you always like this? Or is this just how you make the new people feel welcome.
We're running from the cops.
What do you want? Look, I'm not used to being dropped into the middle of a Tarantino film, okay? This is new to me.
I get it, okay? But let's stay focused on why we're here.
Right.
I know.
We're here for your mother.
So, we should go to the hospital.
We gotta make a pit stop, first.
A pit stop? Why? Because I gotta drop these off.
I'm just trying to be helpful.
Yeah, you can be helpful by waiting here.
Well, how long are you gonna be? Not long.
Pretty good.
Any problems? Nothing major.
Good.
Because I have another job.
Actually, I need to take the rest of the day off.
What for? My mom's dying.
Your mom's dying and you're here? Like this is more important? There's no shame in admitting you're broken up.
So, go.
Be with her.
Come back when you're ready.
Thank you.
Rock, meth, smack I got it, you want it? No.
Uh, no, thank you.
Come on, baby, I'll give it to you cheap.
You hook me up, I'll hook you up.
Dr.
Tom: She said she's not interested.
Who are you? Shaft? All right, I'll leave this bitch for you.
Bitch? Excuse me? Was that really necessary? What? The gun? Ah.
And I didn't need to be rescued.
I could've handled that on my own.
I'm sure you could have.
I just came by to see how it was working.
Fine.
Just fine? I don't know what you want me to say.
We just started, we haven't even gotten to the hospital yet, so Well, if it's going ne, then why do you sound so upset? Okay, I admit that I don't talk to drug dealers every day.
But saying goodbye to a dying relative? That's something I've been through before.
So, I can do this.
This isn't a test, Erica.
I realize that.
I'm just saying that I know that I can help Adam with this regret, if he would just hurry up already.
Erica! Is that guy botherin' you? No, no.
Nothing I can't handle.
Let's go.
Can I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for Joyce Fitzpatrick.
Room 403.
Thanks.
You okay? Do you want a coffee or something? Oh here, let me get it.
No, really.
Really, I need to stretch my legs anyway.
Okay, sure.
Yeah, I'll have coffee.
Just black, please.
And if she wakes up, i'll come and get you.
Bennifer? Yeah, like that's gonna last.
Heo? Joyce.
Um Who are you? I'm I'm just, I'm I'm gonna go get Adam, okay? And I'll be right back.
Okay? I'll just be one moment.
Nurse and Adam: Take care of that, then go put a line in on Mrs.
Boyd.
And when you're done that maybe you can do his ironing, walk his dog, do his groceries.
Adam? Your mother's awake.
Right.
Here's your coffee.
Great.
Did you wanna come in? We got time, you know, until No, it's okay.
I'll just I'll wait out here.
Okay.
How long have you been here? Couple of hours.
You were asleep.
That's what I do a lot these days - sleep.
Who was that pretty girl who was in here when I woke up? It was Erica She's a friend.
Friend? Yeah, a friend.
Ma, what're you doing? I want to look at you.
Can I get you anything? A can of ginger ale or I'm so glad you're here, Adam.
I didn't think i'd see you again before I'll just get you that can ginger ale, okay? Hey.
Everything okay? No, everything's not okay, Erica.
Jesus Christ! What do you think? I shouldn't have come here.
Um Adam, I know how hard this is.
Do you? I do, actually.
You just have to trust me.
But here's the thing.
You're mother? She's in that room and you, you have this incredible opportunity- would you just stop? I'm here so I can be with her, not so I can "fix" our relationship.
I mean, I lost my brother.
He died way too young and losing him, it hurt so much.
She's dying of heart failure.
She's old.
It's not the same.
Wait, you're not listening to me.
Because when Leo died, I did everything I could to avoid facing the pain, just like you are.
Oh, is that what I'm doing, is it? I'm avoiding the pain? Yes.
I mean, you're out here, you're flirting with nurses, you're delivering stolen watches You're doing everything you can to do to avoid being in that room with her- so now you're Dr.
Tom? No.
So what, you got some quote for me? You think you're an expert after one session.
I'm trying to help you and you won't let me.
Then maybe you should just go.
Adam.
No, I'm serious, Erica.
I don't need this bullshit from you.
Not today.
Just get outta here.
Go.
Just go! So clearly, i did that wrong.
But what I'm not sure of is how you expect me to know how to do this.
Erica, you asked to be thrown in.
Fine.
You threw me in and I failed.
Is that what you want me to say? That I don't deserve to be here? So Is that how you feel? I don't kn what I feel.
I don't think that's true.
My first time in group, I vomited.
- Wow.
- I remember at.
You were so scared.
I came in so guarded, so unwilling to show the group the whole truth.
Ugh fine.
I feel frustrated and a bit overwhelmed.
What else? Nothing else.
What? Why are you looking at me like that? You need to let yourself feel all of it, whatever it is.
I just did.
All of it, Erica.
I don't know what you want.
Okay? Don't close up.
Stay with it, whatever you're feeling right now.
Maybe I don't wanna feel whatever it is that I'm feeling, okay?! Ah, you know, Erica, that may be true, but you know that ignoring it is not gonna make it go away.
I feel angry With you.
Why? Because you You did this.
You came into my life And you made me trust you, and then I find out that I'm not the only one.
I don't wanna do this and I don't wanna say this.
I told you that That I told you that I was ready and that I wouldn't let fear hold me back anymore And now all I can feel is this horrible fear.
Like Like That I can't run a company, and that I can't be alone, and that I can't I can't do this without you.
And I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to be here.
Erica.
I'm not.
Erica, don't you see? You are ready.
You just proved that.
How? By by bawling and saying how stupid I feel? No, by facing it.
By admitting it, you know, out loud, to us.
To yourself.
Okay.
So, now that I've said what I feel, how does that, how does that help me? Well, I think the question is rather, how is that gonna help Adam? I told you to go.
I know.
And I'm sorry about before.
I handled everything badly.
Can I sit? Dr.
Friendly, 2744.
Dr.
Friendly.
I feel like Like I don't know how to help you.
Like I'm just I'm way out of my league.
It's death.
No one knows how to deal with it.
Before, when I first walked into group, you said something to me About how hard it is to be honest with what you're really feeling.
Erica And And I know that losing someone you love, it's awful, it's incredibly hard, but Is that all that's going on here? Because I don't think that it is.
I'm not gonna judge you, Adam.
I hate her.
She was an awful mother, and you're just Not supposed to say that.
Why was she awful? My dad beat the shit out of us and she let it happen.
You know, stood by; didn't stop him.
And the reason I worked the night she died was so that I wouldn't have to be here and pretend to care.
'Cause I don't.
I really don't.
If you don't care, Adam, then why are you here? Why is this a regret? Drinks sound great.
I have some authors I would love for you to meet.
Fabu! Well, I'm gonna go find Erica and then we'll text you and um We'll figure something out.
Okay? Thanks.
Julianne.
What a coinkidink.
I'm sorry, I'm looking for someone.
No time to chat.
If by "someone" you mean Erica, I think I saw her on a coffee break with the other wait staff.
What do you want, Brent? To congratulate you on your new business venture, and on signing Seth Newman.
Picking through River rock's trash for scraps Suits you.
Hey.
Have you lost your mind?! You opened your big mouth to Brent?! Julianne, please, before you- explode?! Because you told Brent about Seth, a writer we don't have a signed deal with?! I'm sorry.
I It's basic, Erica.
We're partners, so what you do, what you say, it affects me.
Think about that the next time you decide to be a big "hero.
" Julianne Oh God From the first moment weome into this world, we fee pain and joy and fear and rage.
We learn to hide the feelings that frighten us.
First from others, then from ourselves.
Many of us live our lives distant from our deepest feelings and never stop to wonder what would happen if we allowed ourselves to feel them fully; to express and share them with the world.
Julianne, I am so sorry.
The thing is I Two years ago, I was I was stuck.
In every way possible.
And look where you are now.
I know, I know.
It's incredible, right? And it's also terrifying.
Because one day I feel like I'm on top of the world and then the next day I feel like an impostor.
Like I'm not ready for this, like I'm not contributing anywhere near enough.
And you've been doing this line of work since you were 19-years-old and so one day, very soon, you're gonna wake up and you're gonne see that I'm useless.
And, I mean, I should've told you this before I acted like a big Freak in front of Brent, but I was I was afraid.
Erica You know you're crazy, right? Oh yeah.
And that's okay.
I'm crazy too.
You don't think part of me is terrified that we're doing this? You never show it.
That doesn't mean I don't feel it.
Okay, here's the dealio.
None of this would be happening if it weren't for you.
And of course, yes, I bring the know-how and the experience, but you, you bring this incredible eye for talent and then this amazing way with people.
Being totally self-consciously cheesy here, but, chicken, you kinda You kinda complete me.
Oh Okay.
But But what? Get it out.
Say it now.
I'm also worried because we haven't always been equals.
That I will walk all over you and treat you like my assistant? Yeah.
Well, you know, Erica, I haven't always been the most sensitive person on the planet.
No, you? Have I done something? You have to spell it out for me.
When you asked me to get the drinks, I just felt like Oh.
You know, and I know that it sounds silly.
Oh no, it doesn't.
But I didn't mean it that way.
No, I know.
I know.
But still, right? It felt kinda like the old days.
A bit.
Noted.
I'm sorry.
It's fine, and I'm sorry.
We need to We need to figure out a way to make this work.
I think we're doing a pretty good job of that right now.
We are.
Seth Newman is here to see you.
Seth.
Yeah.
Hey.
Thank you for meeting me on such short notice.
Of course.
So A little birdie tells me one of our competitors is circling your manuscript.
Yeah, look With all due respect, you You passed on "The Purple Door.
" River rock - the old River rock - passed.
However, as you can see, there's been a regime change.
Your manuscrip fits better.
I'd like to make you an offer.
The last thing I want is to get in the middle of some war between you and Julianne and Erica.
Seth, this isn't a war, this is business.
And if you sign with them, you'll be signing your name to nothing.
Don't turn your back on a big opportunity.
So, I'll set up a meeting at the bank.
And I will start scouring for new office space and go over the budget.
You guys are looking for office space? Yeah, why? Ivan! Come here.
These guys are looking to rent office space.
But we haven't even discussed what we wanna charge yet.
Okay, we're reno-ing the entire back area, converting it into an office.
An office? Back there? Yeah, the space is incredible.
Exposed brick, working fireplace, an entrance right onto the street.
- Ooh - You guys interested? Well, that depends.
How much is the rent? Ivan? $1500 a month.
Oh Too rich for o blood.
We'll give it to you for a thousand, lattes included - vanilla lattes.
David.
Ivan, I've spent our relationship bending over backwards for you; now it's your turn to bend over for me.
- What? - You know what I mean.
They would be great tenants.
Fine.
But this? This is your Christmas present.
And Easter, and We are going to beef dip in puerto vallarta in January.
Mwah! So, ladies? Well, I mean, we still have to see it, but in theory It's a deal.
Ah! Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
- That was easy.
- Awesome.
Hi.
Hi.
You look happy.
I am.
I had a really good talk with Julianne.
Uh-huh? And? And it's It's funny.
In the moments before I talked to her, I felt like I was gonna die.
I was just afraid of sounding stupid, of looking silly, of just Being vulnerable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess it's like you said, some things Are really hard to admit, even to yourself.
Let alone saying them out loud.
Like the fact that you were upset to find out that I have other patients.
I guess I just assumed because Well Because I wanted to think that I was the only one.
And Adam? How, how is he? Uh, he learned from you, as you, it would appear, learned from him.
I guess that's the whole point of group therapy.
One of many.
Dr.
Tom, just one last question.
Uh-huh? Did you know that I would flame out the way that I did? No.
No, all I knew was that you didn't want to face what you felt.
It's like a pot of water - you turn up the heat and sooner or later, it's bound to boil over.
Really? A simile? That's That's all you got for me? "Pressure makes diamonds.
" General George s.
Patton.
Yeah.
I've heard that one before.
Dr.
Arthur: Naadiah! Hello, hello, hello.
You know anything about carburetors? No, Dr.
Arthur, I don't.
You look anxious.
Trying not to be.
Well, how can I help? I'm concerned about Tom.
Nothing's happened yet, but I'm worried.
If nothing's happened, why are you worried? This is a mistake, Arthur.
Erica should be doing phase two with me.
Noted again.
But for now, denied.
Far enough like home
But I will say is this, whatever it is that you are unhappy about, I can fix it.
You think I'm supposed to accept that I'm just like what, time travelling? Because this This can't be for real.
I mean, every time I try to step outside of the box a little, it's like you keep trying to push me in.
You will pack up your desks and be out before lunch.
Both of you.
Let's start a company, together.
Maybe This is the universe's way of giving us a push.
Erica, you made a commitment and I'm here to help you honour it.
You're done you're list or your therapy.
I have no job, no boyfriend And how does that feel? It feels scary But strangely okay.
Everything that you've taught me, it's made me braver somehow.
It's time, Erica.
Choose a door.
All this feels strange and untrue and I won't waste a minute without you my bones ache, my skin feels cold and I'm getting so tired and so old tell me that you'll open your eyes tell me that you'll open your eyes That's usually my seat, but go ahead, sit there if you'd like.
No worries.
I'm Rebecca.
Oh.
Um, hi.
Rebecca, hello again.
You must be Erica? I'm Darryl.
Hi, Darryl.
Camilla.
Welcome.
It's a pleasure.
Uh, have a seat.
Adam.
How's it going? Uh it's going.
Except for the fact that I don't exactly know where I am or wh Yeah, I remember that feeling.
Well, to answer your questions- You're here because you're ready to start "phase two.
" Do you always have to do that? What? What did I do? You beat me to the punchline.
So, this is a support group? Yeah, that's one way of putting it.
It's more than that, but support is part of it.
Here's the thing, Erica.
We learn from each other, because we've all been through the same thing with Dr.
Tom.
I'm, I'm sorry.
Dr.
Tom? Yeah.
We're all patients of his.
He didn't tell you? Well, he is a doctor and I mean, of course he has other patients.
That just That goes without saying.
So you said that this is phase two.
And how many phases are there? Dr.
Tom: Three.
And the third phase, it's what exactly? You really have no clue? You become a doctor, Erica.
That's phase three.
Being Erica 3x01 The Rabbit Hole Original air date on September 21, 2010 it's clearer inside of me who I will always be open me up to my heart feels like I'm seeing in the dark waking me up to my heart to do it all over again and again until the end the sum of my dreams and everything I ever wanted to be I become a doctor? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
No one here is becoming a doctor anytime soon.
This is the next phase of your journey as a patient.
We do though, you know, we do get to "practice" on each other, instead of torturing real patients.
Okay.
Have you ever heard of man named Irvin Yalom, Erica? He wrote a very influential text.
On time travel therapy? On group therapeutic practices.
And he recognized the following: Empathy - learning about yourself through the experiences of others; universality Coles notes, Camilla.
Please.
In a nutshell, the group is a force that pushes you further; that takes you places you might not go one-on-one.
What she means is, we're five bullshit detectors.
We don't have to be all calm and professional like Dr.
Tom.
We say it how it is.
Dr.
Tom: Erica, why don't you, uh Stand up.
Just right up there in the middle, and tell us all where you're at.
Okay.
I'm I'm from Toronto, and I'm single.
I'm recently single, I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Dr.
Tom: Erica.
It was a really Dr.
Tom: No, no, I meant Why don't you tell us what you're feeling, right now.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm feeling, um Overwhelmed, obviously, but in a good way.
'Cause I feel ready to start phase two.
Doc, can I say something on that? Yeah.
You say you're excited? Yeah.
I don't believe it.
'Cause actually you look upset and defensive.
And check out your arms, they're all closed up.
You look like you're hiding something.
Well, I'm not hiding anything.
I'm fine.
I'm just A little bit nervous, maybe.
But that's normal given the circumstances.
Ah nerves, sure, yeah.
But that's not what I mean.
It's like you're telling us what you think we want to hear.
Oh and is that your "bullshit detector"? 'Cause it really just feels to me like you're picking on me.
I'm not, Erica.
And I'm not judging you either.
I'm just asking you to be honest.
And why would I lie? Well being a hundred percent honest in a room full of strangers is really hard.
I don't really know what you want me to say.
Well, this is a lot to digest.
Let's, uh Call it a day.
Thank you, everyone.
So Erica, is there anything that you wanted to ask me? I mean, about any of this? No.
No, I'm good.
And hey, if I have any questions, there's four other people that I can ask, right? So Okay.
Ivan, let me explain it to you in a way you might understand.
More tables means more customers.
Yes, David, but we're going for intimate here, right? Not cavernous and cheap and No.
Oh yes.
No.
We're not replacing the bar.
Paying customer here, waiting to drink a latte.
Sorry.
Some people don't understand the concept of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
" And if it wasn't broke, it wouldn't have been for sale, Hmm? Whoa! What is going on here? Well, it looks like "Fraggle Rock," but sounds like "Queer as Folk.
" Hi, Erica.
The usual? Are vanilla lattes still on the menu? If Ivan hasn't taken them off, then yeah.
I heard that, David, I was born with ears.
Bionic ears.
Hey, Dave.
Sorry, but who's Ivan? My partner - in life, and now in business.
We just bought the place.
I may be the junior partner, but I still have a say in what goes on around here.
I heard that too.
Dave likes men?! Men, they like Dave? Yes, chicken, that's how "gay" works.
Anyhoo, happy first day of our new business.
Yay us! Really? Yes.
Hey.
Okay.
Now, before Seth arrives, I wanted to go over a few "deets.
" In here you will find our Articles of Incorporation, an attack plan, .
Wowzer, that's a That's a lot of money.
I don't mind shouldering a little bit more of the burden at first- no way.
No way.
Partners means equals, which means I will I will figure out a way to come up with my half.
Well, you've done a lot of work here.
Well, I have been in the "biz" since I was 19, so I have a lot of contacts and, more importantly, lots of ideas.
Here.
We're gonna get the ball rolling tonight, at the A.
G.
O.
They're holding a little shindig for the Festival of Authors.
Great! And you know what? I have some thoughts of my own.
Whoo! It's a compass.
Starting with a detailed analysis of the top book stores in the country.
Now, I think that the goal should be to publish "The Purple Door" and get it into chapters.
No it's not, chicken.
Not anymore.
Now there's the Kindle, the e-reader, the ipad! E-publishing.
It's the future of reading.
Great.
And I absolutely think that e-publishing should be a part of our business plan.
Uh, but what about books? You know, real, solid, curl up on the couch with, take to the beach? Yeah, books cost money.
They have to be barcoded, warehoused, shipped Mucho dinero that we do not have.
Get it? Yeah, yeah.
Totally.
Oh, and here he comes our first author right now.
Seth! I am so happy you could make it on such short notice.
Yeah, of course.
Talking about my book, for real? This is wicked.
Hey, Erica.
Hello, you.
Muah.
Muah.
Now, before we get started, have a seat.
I just wanted to start by saying that we are so stoked for our plans for your manuscript.
"The Purple Door.
" And I heart the name.
I heart .
Thank you.
So anyways, Seth, we were, uh- Tell me- oh.
You go ahead, Erica.
Um, we were just thinking um You know what, Julianne, go ahead.
Okay, so tell me, what do you know about e-books? E-books? Are you kidding me? I download everything I read.
They're fantastic! And that's what i'm talking about.
E-books put the "e" in future and the future is now.
O-o-o-o-oh she's fantastic Okay.
Game plan.
We need to control the message here.
Smile, stand tall, and if anyone asks, we just lay it out.
Wee the new kids on the block.
New kids without an office.
Julianne Giacomelli: Ah, but we do have a couple of "hot properties" we're planning on optioning.
We spin, Erica.
Right.
Spin.
Got it.
Just don't name names, keep everything very general.
Okay, wait.
Is that Lesley Kalajian? Where? Over there.
Katie's Agent.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go chat her up.
Why don't you grab drinks and then join us? This is so exciting, right? Hey! Hi! You guys met at Jim's party, right? Is that how you guys met? Yes.
At what book review was that? Thank you.
Erica Strange.
Brent.
It's good to see you.
I've been meaning to give you a ding-a-ling.
No you haven't.
You look tired, my friend.
Well, I'm not tired and I'm not your friend.
Oh and Julianne is? The woman who abused you, manipulated you, and ended up getting you fired? Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Look, I'm not saying I've been perfect in all of this.
Brent makes mistakes, okay? And what happened to you What happened to you was my biggest.
Let me talk to Galvin and see if I can convince him to give you your job back now that things have settled.
Brent, I don't want my job back.
'Cause we have started our own publishing company.
Oh, Erica.
"We've started"? What are you, Julianne's assistant? No, I'm her partner.
We're, we're equals.
Equals.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
She does the shmoozing and you fetch the vino.
Or the lattes.
Stand and smile while she talks a blue streak.
You know what, Brent? I wouldn't take the job back even if you begged me to.
Oh, oh, and by the way, do you remember that manuscript by Seth Newman? The one that you, with your great taste, passed on? Well, it's ours.
And it's gonna be our first title and it's gonna be huge.
And I am the one that found it, which goes to show how much Julianne trusts m as her new partner.
So, I don't need your help or your pity, because I'm, I'm I'm doing just fine.
Uh! Hello, Erica.
Here.
Let me get these for you.
Hi.
Dr.
Tom: So, why don't you tell us what just happened.
Well, a former colleague of mine was being an idiot, so I, basically, I told him to shove it.
Can I sit down? How did you feel when you did that? Ugh why do keep asking me that? How do I feel? How do you feel? Well, I feel like I want this to be about someone else.
You're doing it again.
I'm doing what? Avoiding the truth.
Censoring yourself and holding back.
Now, I really uncomfortable.
Why are you rushing her? I'm not! We learn by doing, right? So why don't we just let her do something? Yes, thank you! Do something.
'Cause you know what? Anything is better than this.
I don't think that's what Adam meant.
So is this it? Is this group just sitting around, you know, talking about my feelings? I mean what about the regrets? What about my list? What about time travel? Is there any of that? Yeah, sure.
Yeah, you'll still go back in time - sometimes alone, but sometimes in pairs or groups, depending on what the journey calls for.
That's the way it works in group, Erica.
We work together, we push each other.
Help each other, without taking over.
Way more challenging than it sounds.
Well, let's do this.
I'm up for a challenge.
Look at you chomping at the bit.
Adam, shut up.
What? If she's ready to jump right in, then why not let her? And since you're in favour, I'm assuming that you won't mind being Erica's partner on this? Whatever I can do to help.
Dr.
Tom: Well, how 'bout, um May 21st, 2002.
What does that date signify? It's, uh It's the day my mom died and my regret is that she died alone.
My dad and her were divorced, my younger brother John was in jail and I I was, uh I was on the job This was back when i was working for hastings and he needed me that night, so I went.
I knew it was wrong, but You don't say "no" to hastings.
And when I got back later that night, there was a message on my phone.
My mom had died.
So if I could go back, I'd uh You know, I'd be there with her.
Okay.
Erica? Yeah? You ready? Uh, wait.
Do I get some direction? I mean how do I know what to do? Well, you said you wanted to do something, right? Jump right in.
Just make sure that you land on your feet.
You gotta run, Erica.
Run! Come on! Ah! Run? Run from what? That.
Stop, police! Oh my God! Oh my God! C-13.
Send a car out to ontario and queen.
In pursuit of white male, 20s, headed east with a white female.
Stop! Police! I get, I get what I own don't let, don't let aaaaahhh gotta get outta the way! no time for me to stay everyone in the world don't affect you Ahhhh! Okay, this way.
Come on! Come on! Okay, right! Right! Right! Right! Whaaaaa! You okay? Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so what do we do now? Where do we go? Away from here.
Come on.
So why are the cops chasing you? It's not important.
Look, I know that I'm new at this, and it is your past, but if I'm supposed to be helping you, you gotta keep me in the loop here, Adam.
Those are watches.
Yeah, rolex, three tag's, a couple of movado's.
You stole those? What do you think? Yeah, I stole them.
So what are you? A thief? I was an enforcer for a loan shark.
An enforcer.
And that mns that you Beat up people or took their shit if they couldn't pay.
In this case, I believe I did both.
Well, you should return them.
Are you panicking? Is this - being here - too much for you? What?! No.
Why? Because take these back? Really? Well, they're not yours.
And just what, walk back in the store and say, "oh, sorry, I kicked the shit out of you, but here you go.
Have them back.
No hard feelings"? Are you always like this? Or is this just how you make the new people feel welcome.
We're running from the cops.
What do you want? Look, I'm not used to being dropped into the middle of a Tarantino film, okay? This is new to me.
I get it, okay? But let's stay focused on why we're here.
Right.
I know.
We're here for your mother.
So, we should go to the hospital.
We gotta make a pit stop, first.
A pit stop? Why? Because I gotta drop these off.
I'm just trying to be helpful.
Yeah, you can be helpful by waiting here.
Well, how long are you gonna be? Not long.
Pretty good.
Any problems? Nothing major.
Good.
Because I have another job.
Actually, I need to take the rest of the day off.
What for? My mom's dying.
Your mom's dying and you're here? Like this is more important? There's no shame in admitting you're broken up.
So, go.
Be with her.
Come back when you're ready.
Thank you.
Rock, meth, smack I got it, you want it? No.
Uh, no, thank you.
Come on, baby, I'll give it to you cheap.
You hook me up, I'll hook you up.
Dr.
Tom: She said she's not interested.
Who are you? Shaft? All right, I'll leave this bitch for you.
Bitch? Excuse me? Was that really necessary? What? The gun? Ah.
And I didn't need to be rescued.
I could've handled that on my own.
I'm sure you could have.
I just came by to see how it was working.
Fine.
Just fine? I don't know what you want me to say.
We just started, we haven't even gotten to the hospital yet, so Well, if it's going ne, then why do you sound so upset? Okay, I admit that I don't talk to drug dealers every day.
But saying goodbye to a dying relative? That's something I've been through before.
So, I can do this.
This isn't a test, Erica.
I realize that.
I'm just saying that I know that I can help Adam with this regret, if he would just hurry up already.
Erica! Is that guy botherin' you? No, no.
Nothing I can't handle.
Let's go.
Can I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for Joyce Fitzpatrick.
Room 403.
Thanks.
You okay? Do you want a coffee or something? Oh here, let me get it.
No, really.
Really, I need to stretch my legs anyway.
Okay, sure.
Yeah, I'll have coffee.
Just black, please.
And if she wakes up, i'll come and get you.
Bennifer? Yeah, like that's gonna last.
Heo? Joyce.
Um Who are you? I'm I'm just, I'm I'm gonna go get Adam, okay? And I'll be right back.
Okay? I'll just be one moment.
Nurse and Adam: Take care of that, then go put a line in on Mrs.
Boyd.
And when you're done that maybe you can do his ironing, walk his dog, do his groceries.
Adam? Your mother's awake.
Right.
Here's your coffee.
Great.
Did you wanna come in? We got time, you know, until No, it's okay.
I'll just I'll wait out here.
Okay.
How long have you been here? Couple of hours.
You were asleep.
That's what I do a lot these days - sleep.
Who was that pretty girl who was in here when I woke up? It was Erica She's a friend.
Friend? Yeah, a friend.
Ma, what're you doing? I want to look at you.
Can I get you anything? A can of ginger ale or I'm so glad you're here, Adam.
I didn't think i'd see you again before I'll just get you that can ginger ale, okay? Hey.
Everything okay? No, everything's not okay, Erica.
Jesus Christ! What do you think? I shouldn't have come here.
Um Adam, I know how hard this is.
Do you? I do, actually.
You just have to trust me.
But here's the thing.
You're mother? She's in that room and you, you have this incredible opportunity- would you just stop? I'm here so I can be with her, not so I can "fix" our relationship.
I mean, I lost my brother.
He died way too young and losing him, it hurt so much.
She's dying of heart failure.
She's old.
It's not the same.
Wait, you're not listening to me.
Because when Leo died, I did everything I could to avoid facing the pain, just like you are.
Oh, is that what I'm doing, is it? I'm avoiding the pain? Yes.
I mean, you're out here, you're flirting with nurses, you're delivering stolen watches You're doing everything you can to do to avoid being in that room with her- so now you're Dr.
Tom? No.
So what, you got some quote for me? You think you're an expert after one session.
I'm trying to help you and you won't let me.
Then maybe you should just go.
Adam.
No, I'm serious, Erica.
I don't need this bullshit from you.
Not today.
Just get outta here.
Go.
Just go! So clearly, i did that wrong.
But what I'm not sure of is how you expect me to know how to do this.
Erica, you asked to be thrown in.
Fine.
You threw me in and I failed.
Is that what you want me to say? That I don't deserve to be here? So Is that how you feel? I don't kn what I feel.
I don't think that's true.
My first time in group, I vomited.
- Wow.
- I remember at.
You were so scared.
I came in so guarded, so unwilling to show the group the whole truth.
Ugh fine.
I feel frustrated and a bit overwhelmed.
What else? Nothing else.
What? Why are you looking at me like that? You need to let yourself feel all of it, whatever it is.
I just did.
All of it, Erica.
I don't know what you want.
Okay? Don't close up.
Stay with it, whatever you're feeling right now.
Maybe I don't wanna feel whatever it is that I'm feeling, okay?! Ah, you know, Erica, that may be true, but you know that ignoring it is not gonna make it go away.
I feel angry With you.
Why? Because you You did this.
You came into my life And you made me trust you, and then I find out that I'm not the only one.
I don't wanna do this and I don't wanna say this.
I told you that That I told you that I was ready and that I wouldn't let fear hold me back anymore And now all I can feel is this horrible fear.
Like Like That I can't run a company, and that I can't be alone, and that I can't I can't do this without you.
And I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to be here.
Erica.
I'm not.
Erica, don't you see? You are ready.
You just proved that.
How? By by bawling and saying how stupid I feel? No, by facing it.
By admitting it, you know, out loud, to us.
To yourself.
Okay.
So, now that I've said what I feel, how does that, how does that help me? Well, I think the question is rather, how is that gonna help Adam? I told you to go.
I know.
And I'm sorry about before.
I handled everything badly.
Can I sit? Dr.
Friendly, 2744.
Dr.
Friendly.
I feel like Like I don't know how to help you.
Like I'm just I'm way out of my league.
It's death.
No one knows how to deal with it.
Before, when I first walked into group, you said something to me About how hard it is to be honest with what you're really feeling.
Erica And And I know that losing someone you love, it's awful, it's incredibly hard, but Is that all that's going on here? Because I don't think that it is.
I'm not gonna judge you, Adam.
I hate her.
She was an awful mother, and you're just Not supposed to say that.
Why was she awful? My dad beat the shit out of us and she let it happen.
You know, stood by; didn't stop him.
And the reason I worked the night she died was so that I wouldn't have to be here and pretend to care.
'Cause I don't.
I really don't.
If you don't care, Adam, then why are you here? Why is this a regret? Drinks sound great.
I have some authors I would love for you to meet.
Fabu! Well, I'm gonna go find Erica and then we'll text you and um We'll figure something out.
Okay? Thanks.
Julianne.
What a coinkidink.
I'm sorry, I'm looking for someone.
No time to chat.
If by "someone" you mean Erica, I think I saw her on a coffee break with the other wait staff.
What do you want, Brent? To congratulate you on your new business venture, and on signing Seth Newman.
Picking through River rock's trash for scraps Suits you.
Hey.
Have you lost your mind?! You opened your big mouth to Brent?! Julianne, please, before you- explode?! Because you told Brent about Seth, a writer we don't have a signed deal with?! I'm sorry.
I It's basic, Erica.
We're partners, so what you do, what you say, it affects me.
Think about that the next time you decide to be a big "hero.
" Julianne Oh God From the first moment weome into this world, we fee pain and joy and fear and rage.
We learn to hide the feelings that frighten us.
First from others, then from ourselves.
Many of us live our lives distant from our deepest feelings and never stop to wonder what would happen if we allowed ourselves to feel them fully; to express and share them with the world.
Julianne, I am so sorry.
The thing is I Two years ago, I was I was stuck.
In every way possible.
And look where you are now.
I know, I know.
It's incredible, right? And it's also terrifying.
Because one day I feel like I'm on top of the world and then the next day I feel like an impostor.
Like I'm not ready for this, like I'm not contributing anywhere near enough.
And you've been doing this line of work since you were 19-years-old and so one day, very soon, you're gonna wake up and you're gonne see that I'm useless.
And, I mean, I should've told you this before I acted like a big Freak in front of Brent, but I was I was afraid.
Erica You know you're crazy, right? Oh yeah.
And that's okay.
I'm crazy too.
You don't think part of me is terrified that we're doing this? You never show it.
That doesn't mean I don't feel it.
Okay, here's the dealio.
None of this would be happening if it weren't for you.
And of course, yes, I bring the know-how and the experience, but you, you bring this incredible eye for talent and then this amazing way with people.
Being totally self-consciously cheesy here, but, chicken, you kinda You kinda complete me.
Oh Okay.
But But what? Get it out.
Say it now.
I'm also worried because we haven't always been equals.
That I will walk all over you and treat you like my assistant? Yeah.
Well, you know, Erica, I haven't always been the most sensitive person on the planet.
No, you? Have I done something? You have to spell it out for me.
When you asked me to get the drinks, I just felt like Oh.
You know, and I know that it sounds silly.
Oh no, it doesn't.
But I didn't mean it that way.
No, I know.
I know.
But still, right? It felt kinda like the old days.
A bit.
Noted.
I'm sorry.
It's fine, and I'm sorry.
We need to We need to figure out a way to make this work.
I think we're doing a pretty good job of that right now.
We are.
Seth Newman is here to see you.
Seth.
Yeah.
Hey.
Thank you for meeting me on such short notice.
Of course.
So A little birdie tells me one of our competitors is circling your manuscript.
Yeah, look With all due respect, you You passed on "The Purple Door.
" River rock - the old River rock - passed.
However, as you can see, there's been a regime change.
Your manuscrip fits better.
I'd like to make you an offer.
The last thing I want is to get in the middle of some war between you and Julianne and Erica.
Seth, this isn't a war, this is business.
And if you sign with them, you'll be signing your name to nothing.
Don't turn your back on a big opportunity.
So, I'll set up a meeting at the bank.
And I will start scouring for new office space and go over the budget.
You guys are looking for office space? Yeah, why? Ivan! Come here.
These guys are looking to rent office space.
But we haven't even discussed what we wanna charge yet.
Okay, we're reno-ing the entire back area, converting it into an office.
An office? Back there? Yeah, the space is incredible.
Exposed brick, working fireplace, an entrance right onto the street.
- Ooh - You guys interested? Well, that depends.
How much is the rent? Ivan? $1500 a month.
Oh Too rich for o blood.
We'll give it to you for a thousand, lattes included - vanilla lattes.
David.
Ivan, I've spent our relationship bending over backwards for you; now it's your turn to bend over for me.
- What? - You know what I mean.
They would be great tenants.
Fine.
But this? This is your Christmas present.
And Easter, and We are going to beef dip in puerto vallarta in January.
Mwah! So, ladies? Well, I mean, we still have to see it, but in theory It's a deal.
Ah! Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
- That was easy.
- Awesome.
Hi.
Hi.
You look happy.
I am.
I had a really good talk with Julianne.
Uh-huh? And? And it's It's funny.
In the moments before I talked to her, I felt like I was gonna die.
I was just afraid of sounding stupid, of looking silly, of just Being vulnerable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess it's like you said, some things Are really hard to admit, even to yourself.
Let alone saying them out loud.
Like the fact that you were upset to find out that I have other patients.
I guess I just assumed because Well Because I wanted to think that I was the only one.
And Adam? How, how is he? Uh, he learned from you, as you, it would appear, learned from him.
I guess that's the whole point of group therapy.
One of many.
Dr.
Tom, just one last question.
Uh-huh? Did you know that I would flame out the way that I did? No.
No, all I knew was that you didn't want to face what you felt.
It's like a pot of water - you turn up the heat and sooner or later, it's bound to boil over.
Really? A simile? That's That's all you got for me? "Pressure makes diamonds.
" General George s.
Patton.
Yeah.
I've heard that one before.
Dr.
Arthur: Naadiah! Hello, hello, hello.
You know anything about carburetors? No, Dr.
Arthur, I don't.
You look anxious.
Trying not to be.
Well, how can I help? I'm concerned about Tom.
Nothing's happened yet, but I'm worried.
If nothing's happened, why are you worried? This is a mistake, Arthur.
Erica should be doing phase two with me.
Noted again.
But for now, denied.
Far enough like home