Bizaardvark (2016) s03e01 Episode Script

1 I hope we get in! I hope we get in! - Congratulations! - (joyful screams) No way! We got into the Vuuugle House? What? No.
(scoffs) Amelia Duckworth just entered the room.
Congratulations! Amelia, today's the day Liam tells everyone if they got accepted into the Vuuugle House.
Aren't you nervous? I haven't really thought about it.
You haven't thought about it? It's a mansion on the beach where we get to live and make videos all summer long! Eh, if I get in, I get in, if I don't, I don't.
It's not a big deal.
Hello, girls.
Spill it, robot man! Did I get into the house? (shouting) This is a big deal! Amelia put me down.
Okay.
You look stupid in turtlenecks.
Liam did we get into the Vuuugle House? And before you answer, I love the new beard.
Thanks.
It helps hide my smile.
Oh, and yes.
You all got in.
Commence screaming.
- (joyful screaming) - And silence! Of course, I will need your parents to sign all the appropriate consent forms.
All: Done! Pretend to read.
Seems fine.
Okay.
This is the first year of the Vuuugle House, and getting in is a big deal.
So from the bottom of my heart (unenthusiastically) yay.
This is gonna be the best summer ever.
(sighs) I'm sorry you guys didn't get in.
Uh, we all got Ah, she'll figure it out.
But she's right.
This is gonna be the perfect summer.
The summer of us! Ooh, I like that.
Hey, guys! What has two thumbs? Uh, almost everyone on Earth? Aah! I forgot the second part.
Anyways, great news.
I'm gonna be joining you guys at the Vuuugle House this summer.
You are? Does Liam know about this? Of course he does! Bernie Schotz is an essential cog in the Vuuugle machine.
How else would I get in? You know the only reason you got in here is 'cause I was hired to be one of the adult chaperones, right? (groans) Grandma, this stinks! People got into the Vuuugle House because they're talented.
I want to earn my spot like everyone else.
Bernard, you're not like everyone else.
You're the grandson of the lady chaperone.
That does make me heir to the lady chaperone fortune.
But I wanna be in this house because I deserve it.
I wanna hear it from Liam.
- Yes? - (both scream) Oh, right.
Yes, this house is equipped with remote Liam access.
You say my name, and I appear.
I know.
It's creepy.
I like it.
Yeah? I know how technology works.
Channing Tatum! Aah, this house stinks.
I'm gonna go get my tankini out of the trunk.
Liam, I want to be in this house for doing something creative.
Like, what if I start my own vlog? "Bernie Calls the Schotz.
" If it's good enough, will you tell me I belong in the Vuuugle House? Fine.
Good! Because a man's purpose in life Oh, no.
He's still talking.
Bernie! Look! Flying mermaids! Where?! - (phone beeps) - What up, Bern Dogs? Woof! Woof! Welcome to episode one of Bernie Calls the Schotz.
Today, I'm about to be the first one inside the Vuuugle House.
- Paige: Woo-hoo! - Frankie: Vuuugle House! - Grandma: Summertime! - Amelia: First ones here! Fifth one inside the Vuuugle House! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Whoa.
Check out this kitchen! There's a cupcake tube! - (beeps) - (whirring) Frankie, I found a new best friend! Sorry! Whatever! I'm about to attempt the summer's first trampoline jump into the foam pit! Way ahead of you, toots! Paige: Hey, Frankie, come out here! - (seagulls screeching) - (waves crashing) Oh my gosh! Look at this deck! Oh my gosh! Look at this game room! Oh my gosh! Look at this deck! Oh.
We were already out here.
All right, Bern Dogs.
Here's your inside peek at a garbage disposal.
(clattering) (groans) Can't see it.
Light, light, light.
(grinding) (grinding stops) Garbage disposal.
(groans) Bernie, are you okay? You know how I've been Bizaardvark's agent the past few years? No.
Now, I want to do something bigger.
I wanna make videos like you guys.
I wanna be in this house because I deserve it and because I'm talented.
Bernie, I'm gonna help you.
Really? You're gonna help me? Hey, what are friends for? Wow.
Thanks, Amelia.
No, I'm genuinely asking.
What are friends for? This house is amazing! I never wanna leave! This is truly going to be the perfect summer.
The Summer of Us.
- Ready to check out our room? - You know it.
Both (screaming): Vuuugle House! Two months where we can run around and scream as loud as we want! (both hollering) Wait.
Is it possible that everything in this house is made of candy? Only one way to find out.
Not candy.
Not candy.
- Not candy.
- Not candy.
Not candy.
Not candy! Zane: Not candy.
Frankie, why are there little kids in our relaxing summer dream house? I don't know.
I'm not candy! How are we supposed to have a perfect summer with a bunch of screaming, licking ten-year-olds ruining everything? (breathes deeply) I think everything's gonna be great.
Are you feeling okay? Those words have literally never come out of your mouth.
Paige, you may not know this about me, but I, occasionally, lose my temper.
(mockingly) What! You? What? But since we're spending the summer on the beach, I wanted to be more chill, so I started doing these breathing exercises.
They really help me stay positive, and not get worked up.
Coming through, guys! Gonna be using your hallway for lunges a lot this summer.
(breathes deeply) Enjoy, Bernie.
You're looking ripped.
See? Everything's gonna be great! We get to live together, we get to hang out at the beach, and we're gonna make a ton of funny videos.
Yeah, you know what, you're right.
This is the Summer of Us and nothing's gonna change that.
There's no way two little kids are gonna ruin our summer.
I mean, we're barely gonna see 'em.
- (dings) - Yes? Oh, uh, I said "see 'em" not "Liam.
" I'm beginning to see the flaw in this technology.
Whatever.
Let's go see our room.
I can't wait to kick back on our fancy beach house beds! Or child-sized bunk beds.
(breathes deeply) Maybe we can get another bed for my legs.
I see an ocean view with my name on it.
Hello, Mali (steam hissing) Boo.
Can we at least hear the ocean? - (toilet flushes) - (water gurgles) We can hear things that end up in the ocean.
(boys screaming) Hello? Are you Oh my gosh! This room is amazing! - Is that the ocean? - Yeah! There's a family of sea otters on the beach.
(breathless) You can You can see sea otters? Frankie, they can see sea otters! I don't care, Paige.
My legs fit.
My legs fit! Okay, I know you already tried to lick my luggage, but who are you guys? I'm Zane.
I'm here because I have a pretty legendary unboxing channel.
Oh, okay, that's cool.
So you, like, film yourself opening up boxes of toys? Oh.
That's funny you think that.
I don't just open boxes.
I tell stories, paint pictures, change lives.
(dramatically) The flaps of every box are like the gates of Heaven.
Opening them is like unleashing the power of the universe.
(angelic choir sings) Oh, cool! It's a flashlight that plays angel music.
It's a pretty sweet channel.
My mom runs the whole thing with me.
The password is "Linda.
" Is that your mom's name? No.
Why? My name's Rodney.
My channel also changes lives.
Hey, everybody! Welcome to another episode of What's in M'Hair? What, what, what, what What's in my hair? All right.
(dramatic music plays) Spaghetti and meatballs! Nice! And that was another episode of What's in M'Hair? What, what, what, what What's in my hair? It's a pretty sweet channel.
My mom, Linda runs the whole thing with me.
The password is "Barbara.
" You know, you guys really shouldn't be giving away your passwords.
Sweet! Our first Vuuugle House lesson! Yeah.
Wow.
You guys seem tight.
- How long have you been friends? - Oh, we go way back.
Hey, I'm Rodney.
- I'm Zane! - Wanna be best friends? You know it.
Mom! I have a best friend! You can go now! Nice meeting you, Linda! Wait, so you just met and you're already best friends? Both: We're ten! Well, it was nice meeting you guys.
Come on, Paige, let's go.
(crying) No, please don't make me leave the sea otters! They're so much cuter than plumbing! All right, I know you wanna feel like you belong in this house, so I'm gonna help you make your first music video.
I'm not really a music video guy.
I'm more of a cashew guy.
Yum.
Anything there? No! Music videos are a great way to announce new talent to the Vuuugle world.
I already recorded a song with a sick beat.
- Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Hey, hey - Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Ah! - Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Coo-coo Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz Okay, that is fire.
I know! Just follow my dance moves, and I'll edit it all together to make you look awesome.
(camera beeps) (dance music starts) - Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Hey, hey - Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Ah! - Bernie calls the Schotz - No, no, no.
- You're turning the wrong way.
- Wait.
I think I got it.
- (crunching) - Aw, my cashews.
- Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Hey, hey - Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Ah! - Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz - Bernie: Coo-coo Amelia: Bernie calls the Schotz You edited me out? Or you could think of it as I edited everything else in.
(chuckles) Amelia, I have to come up with an amazing video idea on my own or else I don't belong in this house.
You're the only one in this video! I'm not the only one.
Roz comin' in hot, like a platter of fajitas Rhymes so fast, they be spotted like cheetahs (music stops) That is also straight fire.
- (boys laughing) - (objects clattering) Great.
First they get the big room, now they're keeping me awake.
(breathes deeply) (laughing, clattering continuing) The Summer of Us.
The Summer (strained) of Us.
Okay, no sleep.
At least I can have a little fresh fruit in the morning.
Who eats all the bananas and just leaves the peels? - Zane and Rodney.
- Gaah! (breathes deeply) Paige, it's okay.
They're growing boys.
They need potassium.
I miss the old Frankie! Now this, I can handle.
All summer long, sister.
(both scream) You know, I made that lemonade.
It was artisanal, Frankie.
Artisanal! Paige, sweetheart, bubbeleh they're kids, you gotta let it go.
Let's just do what we do best: make videos.
Okay.
You're right.
We got this.
(camera beeps) Hey guys, what's up? - I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.
- Both: And we're Bizaard - (thudding) (boys laughing) (breathes deeply) - Both: Bizaardvark.
- (thuds) Boys: Awesome! (breathes deeply) - Both (loudly): Bizaardvar - (thuds, clattering) (boys laughing) That's it! (inhales, growls) I tried letting it go, but they keep giving it back! (screams) Let's take a walk! We can't live like this.
There's my girl! - They're ruining the Summer of Us! - Preach! We need to get rid of 'em.
Like, what if we figured out a way to get 'em in trouble with Liam? - (beeps) - Yeah.
- We should frame them.
- Yes.
Like, uh What if we stole a bunch of stuff and put it in Zane and Rodney's room? Everyone would think they did it.
And they'd get kicked out of the house, and we're here for the rest of the summer sittin' pretty 'cause that's how we sit! That sounds like quite the plan.
- Thanks! - Thanks! (both scream) I thought you two would be role models here.
Instead, you plot against kids who could be the future of Vuuugle? The Fuuugle? Nah, that doesn't work.
Paige, Frankie, I've very disappointed in you.
I have no choice but to kick you out of this house for the summer.
- What? - No! The Fut-uuugle! Nah, that's worse.
Zane and Rodney ruined everything.
The Summer of Us has become the Winter of Them.
- Now what are we gonna do all summer? - I don't know.
Hey, can we come in? Sure.
What are you doing here? We were bummed when we heard you left.
We didn't even get a selfie.
You want a selfie with us? Of course! We're huge Bizaardvark fans.
Yeah! After we met you two, we spent all night watching your videos.
- (boys laughing) - (clattering, thudding) Gaah! And your videos aren't just hilarious, they totally inspired us.
Now we can make chocolate bananas! Just like Bizaardvark! Zane: And we were so stoked to hang out with you.
Okay! Now's our chance.
Remember.
I'm gonna ask them if they want some lemonade, and then you're gonna hand it to them.
(boys scream) I-I don't know what happened! I panicked! It's cool.
I don't think they noticed.
So everything we thought was was actually because which means Both: Oh! Wait.
What was all that door slamming the other night? Oh.
We were just having a door slamming contest.
Both: We're ten! Um, guys, there's something else we need to tell you.
Uh We didn't leave the house.
We were kicked out because we tried to frame you guys and get you kicked out.
Us? Why would you do that to someone you shared a house with? That's like doing something mean to your own family.
He's right.
We were so focused on the Summer of Us, we didn't think about the Summer of Us.
We're so sorry, guys.
It's okay.
We forgive you.
Really? That fast? Oh, 'cause you're ten.
Now come back to the house with us! We can't.
We're banned.
The security gate has instructions not to let us in.
Liam won't accept our calls, and we can't even get in front of him.
I think I know a way to get you in front of him.
(screams) What are you doing?! Proving I'm creative enough to be in this house.
I'm gonna shock the Internet and film myself taking a bath in a pool of poisonous snakes.
What?! Where did you get snakes? I got a snake guy.
Bernie, you can't do this.
You could get seriously hurt! Maybe, but it'll be worth it to show the world that I deserve to be in this house.
- (doorbell rings) - The doorbell? In the middle of the afternoon? Who could that be? Wow.
That is weird.
It's for Liam.
- (dings) - What? You got a package, dude.
Oh, goody! Uh, Zane, will you do the honors? Sure! Just let me do my hand stretches first.
Uh, one, two, three, four, five.
One, two, three, four, five.
Ooh! Rodney, my unboxing gloves, please! (crowd oohs and ahs) (camera beeps) What mysteries await in these cardboard walls? This box has six sides, as a reminder that there are many sides to every story.
(whispers) That's Zane.
We haven't met yet, but I'm pretty sure we're gonna be bros.
Oh, look! This box is made of recycled cardboard cardboard that was given a second chance.
We all deserve a second chance, don't you think? (crowd murmurs agreement) All of us! Including Paige and Frankie! (crowd murmurs) My word.
That boy might just be the future of Vuuugle.
The Vuuu-ture! (gasps) That's it! I knew there was something there! Liam, we are so sorry.
You were right.
We should've been role models, but instead, we were selfish.
This summer isn't about just us.
It's about spending time with our whole Vuuugle family.
Whaddya say, Liam? Can you pull some forgiveness out of that face hair? (groans) I suppose.
I will need a note from your parents saying Both: Done! Paige, Frankie, let's be honest.
I'm not going to read those.
You're back in the house.
(cheering) Wow! What a moment! It'd be awesome if someone could film behind-the-scenes house stuff like that all summer.
Someone who could really call the shots.
Ah, well.
Bernie, that's actually a good idea.
Thank you! I know a few people who'd be great if you want their names.
He's talking about you! Bernie Schotz? And your show? Bernie Calls the Schotz? Where you call the shots? Well, let me know if you need those names.
Bernie! He's saying you're in.
You'd be in this house because you deserve it.
Really, Liam? I'm in? Yes, Bernie.
You're in.
Yes! Thanks for believing in me, Amelia.
You're welcome! Wait.
What happened to the snake that was around your neck? (all scream) - Amelia: Bernie lost a snake - Bernie: Hiss-hiss - Amelia: Bernie lost a snake - Bernie: Bite-bite Amelia: Bernie lost a snake Whoa! You guys have bunk beds? Can I lie on the top? No, the bottom! No, the top! Oh, there's so many choices! And no ocean view? Lucky! You have no idea what the sea breeze does to these curls.
This may seem crazy, but would you, maybe, consider switching rooms? (both stammering) (sighs) You know, I could get used to this.
Zane (shouting): Door slamming contest! - (boys laughing) - (doors slamming) Well, if you can't beat 'em!