Bump (2021) s03e01 Episode Script

1
SONG: I lie wide awake ♪
You're dreaming of the better days ♪
When did it get so stale? ♪
You say that you're right here ♪
- But it feels like ♪
- Feels like ♪
Feels like you're worlds away ♪
You ready?
And I'm just trying to
find the space between ♪
I'll figure it out ♪
Without you around ♪
- It's a big day.
- Are you gonna cry?
- No.
- I'm excited.
I love this time of year.
Blank pages. New highlighters.
"Dwell in possibility," you know?
Yeah. You always had
a thing for stationery.
It's Emily Dickinson.
And who doesn't?
- You do seem very upbeat.
- I am.
This is actually not about you guys.
Course it is.
This is a very big day for us all, JJ.
But you're not starting
kindy today, Papi.
What if I don't know how to do school?
Hey, JJ. What's your superpower?
Being prepared.
Being prepared. That's right.
And do you have your new drink bottle?
And my Greta lunchbox.
So then you're all ready, right?
Hey, puchita.
(BOTH EXHALE) Bing!
Alright, let's do this.
(UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)
(KISSES REPEATEDLY)
(OLY GIGGLES)
What?
Nah, don't worry about it.
- No, what? Tell me.
- I was just wondering if
Grangie!
Hello. Oh, is it your first day today?
Come on, Mum.
Come here. Come here, you.
Mum, you're immunocompromised.
You can't be here.
I'm fine!
- Do you have a treat?
- A treat?
Why would I have a treat?
Unicorns! I wanna take this one!
We were gonna come over
tomorrow after school.
I couldn't miss JJ's first day.
(GASPS) One more!
They have a nude food
policy, Mum. No plastic.
What, they just throw the
plastic in the bin at home?
Are you feeling OK, Ange?
Yeah. You don't need to treat
me like I'm made of glass.
- Can you come in, Grangie?
- Yeah. I guess I could.
Except, um, your mum doesn't want me to.
- Mum.
- Have a great first day, JJ.
I'm prepared.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
Yes, Arlo, I'm not sure
if Darth Vader would
smash Elsa in a battle.
That's a bit of a hypothetical.
(TEACHER AND PARENT CHUCKLE)
Hi, Ms Young.
- This is Jacinda.
- Hi, Ms Young.
Lovely to see you, Jacinda.
Hi, Olympia.
Hi.
Sorry, it's just It's
still blowing my mind.
(CHUCKLES) It was you in
this uniform five minutes ago.
10 years ago.
And now your daughter
is starting kindy here.
Never would have seen that coming.
Guess you didn't either, though.
I'm not really sure about all this.
Oh, well, Jacinda, we're
about to go into our classroom
and meet Mr Scooby, the axolotl.
- Would you like to do that?
- Really?
- Very soon.
- (BELL RINGS)
Thank you.
OK. This is it.
Why are you so sad, Daddy?
I'm not. You're just growing up.
Isn't that good?
Yeah. Yeah. It's the best.
Oh. I'm so proud of you.
Go get 'em, tiger.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
OK.
There she goes.
There she goes.
Hey, did J leave her
raincoat at your place?
Uh yeah. She did actually.
I can drop it off later.
Oh, I'm tutoring Gabe, so
I can pick it up tonight.
Oh, great.
Hey, um, is it OK if we
swap the next two weekends?
I've just got this, like,
birthday thing on Saturday night.
So you want me to take J this weekend?
If that was OK.
Yes. I can do that.
Great. Thanks, Ol.
What?
It's nothing. I just, um
We'll talk about it later.
- Bye.
- Bye.
WOMAN: Alright, well, I've
gotta go. I'll see you at
(WISTFUL MUSIC)
(BELL RINGS)
Oly.
- Oly.
- Hey.
Hey!
So Seb's gonna find Jacinda at recess
and he's going to show
her the playground, OK?
Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.
WOMAN: Hey, Rosa.
- Come and say hi.
- Oh, no, I have to go to uni.
And I have to go to work.
You should meet some
of the parents. Come on.
I just did that whole teen mum
novelty thing with J's teacher
and I don't really know
if I can face it again.
Oly, don't be silly. See?
They're lovely people.
Is your mum feeling better?
Sort of.
Hi. Hello, everyone. So this is Olympia.
And her baby girl started kindy today.
Oh, you must have smashed it out young,
'cause I thought that
you were the nanny.
Our Gracie is KY. What
is your kid's name?
- Same. And she's Jacinda.
- Love it.
I'll pop you in the KY parents' chat.
- OLY: Cool.
- The first day.
You must be a wreck.
Oh, no, I feel great.
Life is gonna be so much easier now.
Well, look at that. Number four.
(LAUGHS) Can you believe it?
- How are you feeling?
- Doubting my life choices.
What's your birth plan?
- All the painkillers.
- Pretty much.
Oh, no judgement, but
natural pain relief
actually is better for the baby.
Well, no judgement, Skye,
but was that organic cocaine
you had at the trivia night last year?
Yeah, of course it was.
I'm sure you had a natural birth.
Well, it's not like she had a choice.
Qué? You didn't have time.
What?
I had a cryptic pregnancy.
So so you didn't know?
Were you not showing?
- No, I wasn't.
- When did you find out?
I found out when I was in labour.
- In the school toilets.
- (OTHERS GASP)
Oh, my God. You poor thing.
Fuck!
- So you really didn't know?
- Nuh.
Wow, good on you for getting
it out of the way early.
Keep it tight.
(SKYE CHUCKLES)
(AWKWARD MUSIC)
Realism posits that
international relations
is conducted on a
purely competitive basis.
Yes? A zero sum game.
States are logical actors
working to maximise
their power and security
at the expense of other states.
- (PHONE DINGS REPEATEDLY)
- Shit.
Is there a crisis in the situation room?
Oh, no, sorry.
Um my daughter started
kindergarten today, so
Uh, Olympia, perhaps you'd like to share
your analysis of realist theory?
It's a masculinist fantasy.
Go on.
Well, it's pretending to be rational
and objective and gender-neutral.
But for one, it's people
- the majority men -
making decisions for states and
people aren't rational actors.
Domestic politics
distorts the decisions.
And realism's male framing
has made global issues relevant
to women and girls invisible.
Accurate, if not very original.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER AND SCOFFING)
Sorry?
Olympia is, a bit simplistically
but very succinctly,
outlining some of the key neoliberal
and post-structural feminist
critiques of realism.
Thanks, Mum.
LECTURER: OK, let's move on.
OK, uh, yes, can you please turn to
(CALM MUSIC)
Ooh, those ones are good.
My name's Jacinda.
My mum named me after
the queen of New Zealand.
Gracie. I'm making a spell potion.
What spell?
For my dog to make her talk.
- Will it work on turtles?
- I think so.
But we're gonna need more stuff.
- What kind of stuff?
- Magic stuff.
(BIRD CHIRPS)
Olympia.
- Michael. What are you doing?
- Hey.
Uh, yeah, I was jogging past
and I heard a distress call.
Oh.
Think she must have
fallen out of her nest.
Well, good luck with that.
Would you be able to
help me look for it?
Wouldn't want her to get taken by a cat.
And then what would happen?
Uh
OK.
MICHAEL: Uh, here it is.
Would you take her for a sec?
It's alright. Thank you.
(BIRD CHIRPS)
Yep. Cheers.
(BIRD CHIRPS)
- Yeah, should be OK now.
- Cool.
Hey, uh, so your essay is late.
Why are you such a jerk to me in class?
You can handle it.
Sorry?
I mean, you need to
sharpen your arguments
because you're good, but
you could be really good.
Yeah. I mean, you're
smarter than all of them.
How very paternalistic of you.
- I am literally your teacher.
- Right.
Well, I will be sure to get
you my essay tomorrow, sensei.
Look, I'm just trying
to motivate you, yeah?
OK.
Uh
You've got my number. So
you can call me anytime.
Yeah.
When I need to have an
emergency chat about IR theory.
- Yes.
- I'm good, thanks.
(LATIN MUSIC PLAYS ON SPEAKERS)
Um, sorry, we're closed for today.
I have an urgent delivery
for the managing director
of La Picá del Sabor,
Rosa Flores.
Um, yes, please leave it
there. Thank you. Bye.
Sorry, I really need a
signature for this one, ma'am.
Can you bring it in the
back, please, um, Mister?
I told you, special delivery.
Ciao.
Hola, Mamá.
You're not my real mum.
Yeah, well, you're not my real kid.
Madison.
No way!
Hi. J started kindy here today.
No way! That went fast.
Yeah. What are you doing here?
I'm basically a stepmum now.
Bing and Bong here.
Life, not what you planned. Am I right?
You are right.
(DISGRUNTLED MUMBLES FROM PARENTS)
Nice.
Friends of yours?
Don't know 'em.
(MADISON CHUCKLES)
Shit, what have you done?
I don't know.
Oi, hold up, you little
Oly Chalmers-Davis. We
gotta catch up, get a drink.
Yeah. I better Yeah. Cool. Laters.
- Oh, same number?
- Yeah.
Can I have a quick word?
Yeah.
There was an incident at school today.
A Jacin-cident?
Jacinda and another student were
involved in a fatal incident.
- Oh, my God.
- Involving the class axolotl.
Evidently, Jacinda
encouraged a classmate
to feed Mr Scooby something toxic.
Oh, no.
The class was quite traumatised
by Mr Scooby's passing.
I hope a poisoned axolotl is
something they never see again.
I am so sorry. That is terrible.
Do you still live with your parents?
What? Why?
Perhaps Jacinda would benefit
from a more mature style
of discipline at home.
JJ.
What happened at school today?
I met a new best friend, Gracie.
Aww. Great. What did you do with her?
We made a potion.
What was in the potion?
Rocks.
Apple juice.
Pink soap.
Glitter.
And chocolate fairy floss from Grangie.
Chocolate fairy floss from Grangie?
That she puts in her smoky paper.
And you fed that to Mr Scooby?
No, Gracie did.
- Mummy?
- Hmm?
If houses cost $5, would
we get one with mi papi?
Are we going to mi papi's new house now?
(STARTS CAR) Yep.
Yes!
Rosa? Where do you
keep the tomato paste?
Ah.
Alright, OK, so we need to come up
with a topic sentence
for each paragraph.
So let's start here.
(PLAYS GAME) Fuck yes!
I smoked that bitch.
Deeply problematic language.
But one battle at a time.
Gabe, put the phone down.
(PUTS DOWN PHONE)
OK, a topic sentence
summarises the main points
we're trying to make in every paragraph.
So what's your first topic?
(MUTTERS) My balls.
There is no way I'm getting
paid enough for this.
More accurately, Gabe,
it is about the themes
of racism and moral courage
in 'To Kill a Mockingbird'.
SANTI: Hey.
So what's this about tobacco?
- She got it from Mum.
- Are you serious?
Your mother is such a bad influence.
Tada!
Rosa, come on.
- She looks gorgeous.
- We talked about this.
It is so inappropriate
to put a 4-year-old in
- I'm basically five.
- in make-up.
- And she loves it.
- ITA: For the love of God.
There are milky socks stuffed
down behind the washing machine.
They smell very bad.
No.
Use tissues for your activities
and flush them down the toilet.
See, like a human being.
And the socks go inside the
machine, not behind the machine.
Que I'm living with a zoo animal.
And you know what, it's
not Bernardita's job
to come here and clean up for you.
- How do you know it wasn't Seb?
- Oh, I look stupid?
No, tell me I look stupid? See, no.
- Go and clean them up.
- OK, OK.
- Bro.
- Shut up.
Oly, Santi, there is
not enough food for you.
Why don't you go out
for dinner with Jacinda?
But I'm making my famous bolognese.
There's plenty for everyone.
No, he doesn't know
what he's talking about.
There's hardly any.
Yeah, why don't we?
I don't know. It's a school night.
Come on, we should
celebrate J's first day.
Um, yeah. OK.
Just a quick one.
But the make-up has to go.
No way! (GIGGLES)
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
Mum, come on.
You read, right?
You're in recovery
and yet here you are wilfully ingesting
what you well know to
be carcinogenic toxins.
(CAR HORN BEEPS)
Dad's here.
Well, he can knock like
a reasonable person.
- Hey, Dad.
- Oh, Boz.
I'm just here for the allen key set.
- Yeah, just come in and grab it.
- No.
I need it back Friday!
You tell your mother that
I'll return these at my leisure
when I'm finished
assembling my new furniture,
which is highly unlikely
to be before Friday!
Just come in and tell her
yourself. She's right here!
No, I'm not!
- See what I mean?
- Hmm.
Dude, the parents are going
ballistic on the group chat.
They're saying, "Did they
really poison it with tobacco?"
Pretty gruesome apparently.
- That's bad.
- Yeah.
That's really bad.
It's not enough that we're
the separated teen parents.
Our child has to commit
amphibicide on the first day.
- At least it wasn't meth.
- (OLY GRUMBLES)
Your mum doesn't have any
meth in the house, does she?
So whose birthday is it on Saturday?
Um Yeah.
Um
Hey, J.
OK.
OK. I'll see you soon.
Um it's it's Kiara's.
Keeks.
Keeks?
Yeah. That's, um
That's what I wanted to
talk to you about actually.
Um
I'm I'm seeing someone.
Her. Keeks.
Oh.
Right.
Yeah. She's, um she's
in the office at work.
- Project management.
- Uh-huh.
Mm. Yeah, I've been
meaning to tell you, Oly.
- I just
- How long?
A couple of months.
Wow.
Right.
Cool.
I mean, Oly, you're the one
who wanted us to take a break.
Yeah, I mean, a break
- I thought we needed
to get to know ourselves
as individuals but
No, that's That's totally cool.
Yeah.
Has J met her?
No.
You should introduce her to J.
- What?
- Yeah.
I mean, we said that
we'd be honest with her,
so you should do that.
OK.
Yeah. Yeah, great.
That actually works out really well,
'cause, um, there's this
camping trip coming up
that I was thinking
of, um, bringing J to.
You were gonna introduce J to K
- Keeks.
- Keeks.
It's a weird name.
You want to take J camping with her?
Uh, maybe. It was dependent if
Yeah. That's a great idea.
Yeah, J's probably gonna love camping.
You know how I feel about nature.
Half a day and I am dying to
get back to an urban environment
with, um, plumbing.
(LAUGHS)
OK.
Well, thank you. Oly.
You know, obviously it's a bit weird
- Tío Vince!
- Hello. Big hug?
(GRUMBLES HAPPILY) Let me
guess, are you a princess?
- I'm a president.
- President.
Ah, that's better 'cause they're
democratically elected usually.
- (CHUCKLES) Hey, guys.
- OLY AND SANTI: Hey.
Hey, J, we're gonna go.
- You're going?
- Yeah.
Say goodbye to Dad.
- OK.
- Um
- Thank you.
- (SANTI GROANS) Bye-bye, JJ.
- I love you.
- JACINDA: I love you too.
- Bye, J.
- OK. Bye.
Bye, Oly.
You OK, man?
- Yeah? Yeah?
- I'm good, man.
Good. What's doing?
Thought I'd get a bit of downtime
away from the girls, you know.
They're great, I love them but
- Yeah.
- WOMAN: Hello!
- Yeah!
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Did you guys follow me here?
- What?
- Ah, hilarious. No.
OK. We just wanted to
join you for dinner.
- Oh, nice.
- Hey, Santi.
Hey, Talia. Ariel. How you going?
- Yeah. My best life.
- SANTI: Yeah.
Vegan burger? Do you wanna
split a burger, V-man?
V-dawg?
Yeah, you will.
- ANGIE: No! Rats.
- BOWIE: Look after yourself.
I want rats, rats, rats. Rats. No rats!
- (DOOR SLAMS)
- There's no worms
- What the hell?
- There's no worms in the feeder.
Hey, JJ. Oh! What a surprise.
Oh, it's a little Elizabethan whore.
What is wrong with you?
What's a whore?
Uh, it's like a girl pirate.
Hey, hey, come here, J. Come here, J.
Hello. Give Bowie a cuddle.
Can she stay here tonight?
Yeah, of course.
- Um, where's your bag?
- I don't have one.
Oh. OK, well, into the bath.
- Bath time now.
- Off you go. Off you go.
Let's wash all that crap
off. I'll be in in a sec.
- JACINDA: Oh, no!
- (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
Oh, no overnight bag for
a last-minute sleepover
on a school night.
I'd say this is very
chillaxed of you, Ol,
but your visible aura
conflicts suggest otherwise.
Thanks, Boz.
I will be sure to ask you
next time I need advice
from a Tiktok mage
who still lives with his mum.
I'm Mum's co-survivor.
She's really missing Reema.
Don't touch my eggs.
JACINDA: I wanna have a bubble bath.
ANGIE: Where is that
little, little thing, hey?
- There you are!
- (SHOWER RUNS)
- JACINDA: I'm having fun!
- ANGIE: Let's clean that face!
Hey!
- SONG: Ha! ♪
- Ready?
- Yeah!
- Whooooo!
(BOTH SQUEAL)
Show me the book ♪
Show me the book ♪
Hey! ♪
Up your bum!
of things I said ♪
Show me the look ♪
Show me the look ♪
Show me the look
that I gave again ♪
Ol, you drink like you've
never had shots before.
I haven't.
You wanna talk about it?
Adrian.
So, you go to Reema's wedding?
No.
Her husband's hot.
That apartment looks amazing on Insta.
Yeah, I've never been to London.
(MADISON SIGHS)
Ol
Best thing for a broken heart
What is it?
MDMA.
OK.
You've done that before? (CHUCKLES)
Whoo!
Strap yourself in.
(SOBS LOUDLY)
He's seeing someone else.
SONG: Beat me up ♪
Beat me up ♪
Count me in ♪
Count me in ♪
Three, two, one ♪
Three, two, one ♪
Let's begin ♪
OLY: You are the best.
Did you know that?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
Why did we never hang out at school?
Dunno. You You had a baby.
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, yeah.
Which sort of blew up your dork brand.
No offence.
Fucking parasites.
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
Where did you even get those?
Bing and Bong's craftplex.
- Give me a turn.
- (GIGGLES)
Beat me up ♪
Beat me up ♪
(SHOUTS) Fuck, this feels good!
Three, two, one ♪
Three, two, one ♪
- Let's begin ♪
- (BOTH SHOUT WILDLY)
Here we go ♪
Here we go ♪
Here we go ♪
Here we go ♪
Here we go, here
we go, here we go ♪
Why are you wet?
We found a pool.
Oh. Um
You know we can't do this.
I'm your tutor.
Have you changed your mind?
('LET'S MAKE OUT' BY DREAM WIFE)
SONG: Ooh wha-ah ooh ♪
Uh, uh, sorry,
you know this doesn't mean that
I can give you an extension?
- Shut up, Michael.
- OK.
Ooh wha-ah ooh ♪
Let's make out! Let's make out! ♪
Or are you too shy? Are you too shy? ♪
Let's make out! Let's make out! ♪
Are we just too
shy? Are you too shy? ♪
Two steps and I'll follow ♪
And tip down to the hallway ♪
Or meet me by the car ♪
'Cause it's not parked ♪
Very far ♪
We're spending time ♪
And we're wasting our youth ♪
We're stuck in a kissing booth ♪
So tell me two steps ♪
And I'll follow ♪
If you give me two steps ♪
I'll follow ♪
Let's make out ♪
Let's make out ♪
Like Frenchie ♪
In the park ♪
Let's make out, let's make out ♪
Queen Ione in the dark ♪
Say, let's make out ♪
So let's make out ♪
Are we too shy? Are we too shy? ♪
Let's make out, let's make out ♪
Turn your lips to me ♪
Lights out. ♪