Dead to Me (2019) s03e01 Episode Script

1
Mm. I could drown in this piña colada.
And you know what? That would
be a great fuckin' death.
Yeah, the best.
- That guy just totally checked you out.
- Uh-uh. He was checking you out.
Well, he kept running, so
- I guess we still got it.
- That's right. Uh!
Uh!
Ben are we getting those massages?
Did you say, "Ben are we
getting those massages?"
- What? No, why? What?
- Yep, no, you said Ben.
- Why would I say Ben?
- You said it instead of "when."
- 'Cause you are missing his Benis.
- His "Benis?"
Because you can't stop thinking
about his Benis in your Bengina.
- His penis, you mean?
- Yeah. You liked it.
- Forget it.
- Oh, it's gross now?
- Yes, it's eww.
- Oh, please.
- Mm-hmm.
- Just just forget it.
You can't forget it.
Oh, my God. Did you
did you fly with that?
- Have you met me?
- No!
Hi! Jen Harding.
- Larissa St. John.
- Oh, hello, Larissa.
You sound dumb and rich.
Oh, I am. That's my boat out there.
- Ooh, lovely.
- Care to go on a cruise?
No, I wanna stay right here.
God, I-I can't believe
we finally made it.
I know.
It's just
How did we how did we even
get through this year? Just
- I never thought that we could actually
- Get away with it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I know.
But we did.
Yep.
- Maybe because we had each other.
- Have. Have each other.
Have.
- Mm.
- What? Look at this!
Look.
What a weird-looking shell.
What the fuck?
- Judy, this this isn't a shell.
- What is it?
Mom?
Jen! Jen!
- Judy!
- Jen!
Jen! Jen! Jen.
Jen!
Why does everything hurt?
Why is there so much beeping?
We were in a really bad accident.
Huh? On the boat?
What? No, in Charlie's car.
Someone ran your stop sign and hit us.
- Who?
- We don't know.
They took off.
Why did that happen?
Another hit-and-run? Is the
universe really that uncreative?
It does feel like it
kinda phoned this one in.
Or maybe it's for a reason.
And we just don't know yet.
Maybe we're just cursed.
Or maybe we're blessed.
You're alive, and I was really afraid
I was gonna lose you for a minute.
There was so much blood.
You were unconscious.
It was so scary. God,
I'm so happy you're okay.
- God, maybe the hugging's gonna kill me.
- Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry.
- It's okay. I love you.
- I love you too.
Does Charlie know?
No, but you should probably call him.
Oh, God. That kid has
had such a hard year.
The last thing he needs is
more drama on his birthday.
"Judy, I don't know where to begin."
"I just know this has to end."
"You're a better mother
to Charlie and Henry
than I could ever be."
"I'm sorry I couldn't
forgive you sooner for Ted."
"No matter what you think,
you've paid the price."
"Now I need to do the same."
Fuck.
Uh, hey, Ben.
Hey, bud. Is your mom home?
No.
She What what's going on, man?
Hmm?
You're really bleedy. Are you okay?
- You're bleedy.
- All right.
I'm great. Don't you worry about me.
- I'm
- Are are you sure?
Yeah, no. I'm good. I'm
good. Hey, can you just
Can you just tell her I stopped by?
Uh, yeah, but you're
fucking blitzed, dude.
You shouldn't be driving.
Oh, please don't be dead.
Fuck me. Fuck me.
Fuck me so hard.
Where is the nurse? Is
this button just for show?
You rang? Thirty times?
Hmm, I don't think it was 30.
I was rounding down.
Well, she's in a lot of pain.
Isn't there something you can give me?
I can't just give out meds. Doctor
has to examine you and sign off.
Okay, then can you
get the fucking doctor?
- Jen!
- What?
- Can you please get the fucking doctor?
- I will do my fucking best.
- Aww!
- Thank you.
Fucking thank you!
God. This is so stupid.
I hate hospitals. Nothing good
ever happens in a hospital.
Hmm. Babies are born here all the time.
Then half of 'em grow up to
be assholes who don't vote.
I think they're
hesitant to give you meds
because people come in here
and just lie to get drugs.
So, what, they think I faked a
hit-and-run to get painkillers?
Kind of a long con.
- People love drugs.
- Hmm.
Did I
- ever tell you that I had seizures as a kid?
- You did?
No, but my mom would take me
to the ER and say that I did.
- No.
- Yeah. Yeah.
And then she would make me fake one,
and the nurses would come running in
'cause I could really
fake a good seizure.
- Brag.
- Terrible brag.
And while I was convulsing,
she would swipe the nurse's
key and go steal drugs.
What an awful thing to do to a child.
It wasn't that bad. I'd get
to go to McDonald's after.
And then she'd pass out,
and I'd drive us home.
Okay, that's, like, the
saddest story I've ever heard.
Those are some of my
happier childhood memories.
Jesus. Ow! Don't make me laugh.
Ow! Ow!
Yeah, I I spent a lot of time
in the hospital with my mom too.
Not my happiest memories.
I bet.
Somehow it was my job to get her to eat.
Just a
delicious, steady diet
of Ensure and saltines.
That's an Unhappy Meal.
It was miserable.
But it's all she could keep down.
And then when she
couldn't, then I'd eat it,
and then I wouldn't shit for a week.
I think your story might be sadder.
Well, let's just call it a tie, okay?
- Okay.
- Can we please get the fuck out of here?
Okay, hold on. I'll go find the doctor.
All right, I'm gonna call Charlie,
let him know we're coming home.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus. Why
Why would
Why would someone put my phone
Jesus!
My face recognition's not working.
Man, I'm sorry you
gotta see me like this.
Yeah, it's a real how-to on
how not to live your life.
Whatever.
It's not like you're the only
fucked up adult I know, right?
Right. Man, it's good to see you.
I really missed you. And
I really missed your mom.
What happened? Did you hit something?
Uh, I
don't really know.
Well, what's the last
thing you remember?
Hello? They did?
Are they sure?
Okay, thank you for letting us know.
My brother died.
Oh, shit. How?
We don't know. They f
They found his body in the woods.
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
No. No, no, no. Please don't
Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. That's
that's no excuse for any of this.
Hey.
Uh, listen, I know this is not, like,
something you ever wanna
hear from a grown-up,
but can you please not
tell anybody this happened?
'Cause it could be real
Bad News Bears for me.
- Yeah. A DUI is no joke.
- Yeah.
Like, three of 'em and
you go to jail 25 years.
- Twenty-five, huh?
- Yeah, it was just on my driver's test.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool,
cool. Good to know.
Thank you.
You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
Probably hate that.
My dad used to call me
that. I don't hate it.
Well, I appreciate you driving me home.
I'm not taking you home. I'm
taking you to the hospital.
Uh, wait. What? No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, you don't have to
do that. I'm I'm totally
You can just drive me home.
Look, nobody has to
know what happened today.
Not even my mom.
God knows she keeps
enough shit from me, right?
Hey. Thanks, man.
And how is your mom?
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- I'm so sorry.
Tell me where it feels most tender.
- Where I just said "ow!"
- Where she said "ow."
Uh
- What are you looking for?
- Uh, come on, where did I, uh
- It's it's in your back pocket.
- It's in your back pocket.
- There it is.
- Is there anything you can give her?
Not until we pinpoint the problem.
The seatbelt could've broken her
rib, which would not be ideal.
That could puncture a lung.
- Oh, my God.
- And how are you doing?
- Fine. A little sore. I chipped my tooth.
- What?
Well, either way, I have to
send you both in for a CT scan.
- Okay.
- That's okay.
Well, it's a routine precaution
for a car accident, so
Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold
tight. It might take a while.
Crazy day.
Okay, I'm not getting a CT scan.
Get the nurse 'cause I refuse it.
What? Why?
I don't wanna be here all
day. It's Charlie's birthday.
He said you might have a punctured
lung. You need to get that scan.
I don't want it. My body, my choice.
- Always. But
- Water?
What if something is
wrong? Don't you wanna know?
Look, if it's a broken rib,
there's nothing they can do.
They can't put a tiny little cast on it.
That would be adorable. But
what if it's something else?
Exactly. It's always something else.
Go in for one thing, and
the next thing you know,
your kid is trying to force-feed
you saltines to keep you alive.
It is not gonna be that.
With the year I'm having?
I-I just I can't
take any more bad news.
And we're sure this is Steve Wood?
I mean, uh, the body's so, uh
You know, uh, it kind
of makes it hard to
Caucasian male, brown hair.
Clothing matches the description
Mr. Wood was seen wearing.
Odds are it's him.
Or what's left of him.
Jesus. That head wound.
So, what do you think happened?
I don't know. I mean, I
don't obviously, I don't know.
I mean, Wood was in bed with
a bunch of shady characters.
If I had to guess, I'd
say it was the Greeks.
- Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
- Yeah? Yeah.
- But it's a pretty shallow grave.
- Ehh.
I'm surprised it took
someone this long to find him.
Not really. I mean, it's a big place
and a lot of trees. You'd be surprised.
There's a reason Angeles Forest
is a dumping ground for organized crime.
- Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- True.
Do Greeks usually carve a heart
where they dump their dead?
I mean
It's probably just a
coincidence, you know.
It it could've been a couple
of lovers making love under a tree,
marking the tree where the
love they made was made.
- Okay. Yeah. Uh
- Yeah. Yeah.
But it's basically an
arrow pointing right at him.
Oh, shit. Come on.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Fuck. Shoot.
Hello?
Tell me you did not carve
an arrow pointing directly
I-I'm sorry. I can't
I can't hear you. W-what?
H-hello? Hello? I can't
I cannot I can't hear you. Wh-what?
- Can you move somewhere else?
- You move!
I can't. Okay, so? Your
signal fucking sucks!
Well, your signal sucks!
Just just can you
- Hmm. I can't. What? What?
- Can you can you hear me now?
- Can you hear me now?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Stay right where you are. Don't move.
- Stop talking. Listen.
- Just fucking
- They found Hey, hey, hey!
- Hey.
Hello? What what did they find?
Yeah, that was the, uh, my Instacart.
The store doesn't have my yogurt.
- Chobani? Of course.
- Chobani. That every time.
- They're always out.
- Always.
Hey, we should get a
statement from the witness.
- What witness?
- Uh, the lady that found him.
- I'm on it.
- Uh
- Well you sure?
- Yeah, I got it.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Oh, I know you.
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, I've seen you here before.
- No, you haven't.
- With a blonde lady.
- Don't know any blonde ladies.
Um
- You need to get that?
- No.
Pick up. Pick up. Oh, fuck, fuck!
Shit, shit, shit.
Shit. Shit.
What is happening?
Hi!
- Everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
I was, um uh, the doctor
said that I was gonna have a scan
after my friend, and I I got eager.
Eager beaver.
Leave it to Beave'.
I thought we had a runner.
No, I was trying to get a
selfie 'cause this shit's funny.
- Okay, here we go.
- Oh, it's time.
Yeah, it's time.
Ah, shit.
- Looks like someone was partying too hard.
- Huh.
What happened here?
To be honest, I
don't really remember.
Yeah, well, you're lucky.
If you'd fallen an inch further,
you'd have broken that cute little nose.
- You guys busy today?
- Oh, yeah.
Couple of heart attacks,
toothbrush up the caboose.
- Oof!
- Hit-and-run, stroke.
- W-wait. Hit-and-run?
- Can you imagine?
You okay, hon? You're
looking a little peaked.
Saw that coming.
Yeah, it's a tricky kitten.
You gotta double the bananas.
- Seriously?
- Dead seriously.
The recipe calls for four. I put eight.
Sometimes nine if they're small
'cause that's the sweet spot.
- My bread always comes out dry.
- Oh.
- You okay?
- Yeah, sorry.
Sometimes I just get a
little lightheaded. Ooh.
- Here, here. Take a seat.
- Oh. Ooh.
Maybe it's my blood sugar. I don't know.
- Hmm.
- God, no, I hope it's not a seizure.
I haven't had one in so long.
Maybe I'm just dehydrated.
Can I get you some
water? Or orange juice?
Oh, juice would be great.
- Don't move. I'll be right back.
- Thanks.
- Oh.
- Here you go, honey.
Thank you.
Mmm!
Ah, it's so good. Thank you.
- You're a lifesaver.
- Oh. Oh.
You have such great eyebrows.
Thanks.
Just try to relax, okay?
Take a deep breath. Count to ten.
No need to apologize.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Please just go.
You're finished.
That wasn't too bad, was it?
- Hello?
- Hello?
- Charlie?
- Judy?
- Hello?
- Ju-Ju-Judy?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Hello? Shoot, I only have one bar.
- Hi. Hi.
Charlie.
- Charlie!
- Where's my mom?
Oh, she's been trying to reach
you. How's the birthday boy?
- Cut the shit, Judy.
- Okay. Um
- Listen. Your mom and I were
- My mom and you what?
What the fuck did you do?
Uh, that's a little hard
to answer out of context.
I read the letter, Judy.
What? Which letter?
- What do you mean, "which letter?"
- What do you mean?
Fuck!
Oh!
- Judy!
- Ben!
What are you doing? No, you go.
- I was just getting some stitches.
- Oh.
'Cause I-I fell
on my face 'cause I
tripped on my on my feet.
Wait. Why what are you doing here?
Uh
Jen and I were in a hit-and-run.
What?
Yeah, some driver just blew through
the stop sign and ran right into us.
Oh, my God.
Jen. Jen.
It was really scary.
Jen's pretty banged up.
- Is she gonna be okay?
- I don't know.
I hope so.
- Well, nothing's broken.
- Oh!
Thank God. So, we can leave?
- Not just yet.
- Huh?
I'm so sorry that happened.
Thank you. Me too.
Judy, I have to tell you something.
Uh, and it's not good. It's bad. It's
It's really bad.
We found something else.
I'm sorry.
We found shadows.
What do you mean, "shadows?"
What what does that mean?
It's okay. Well, you
can tell me anything.
- What is it?
- They look like masses,
but I'm not an oncologist,
so I really can't say.
But we'll schedule you a follow-up
with a specialist immediately.
God, you gotta be fucking kidding me.
- Uh
- Ben, please just say it.
Yeah, uh
What?
They found Steve.
Oh, my God.
He's dead, Jude.
Uh, I'm so
I'm so sorry.
Yeah. No, oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I
had to be the one to tell you.
No, no, don't be sorry.
Do they know what happened?
I mean, I can't say for
sure. It's just a scan
Yeah, no, I-I know what "check
with an oncologist" means, okay?
My mom died of cancer.
- That's, um I'm sorry.
- Mm-hmm.
You should definitely do a follow-up.
But you know, in my experience,
things aren't always what they seem.
Mm-hmm.
Again, I'm so sorry, Miss Hale.
Hmm?
I'll get you and your friend's
discharge papers ready.
So, she's she's okay?
Yeah. Just a couple bruised ribs.
- Jen.
- Hi.
- They found Steve.
- What?
I just heard from Ben. A dog dug him up.
Oh, for fuck's sake. Oh, my God.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, shoot. Come on.
- It's gonna be okay.
- I don't know about that.
Did the doctor ever come?
Um
Yeah, yeah. No, um, he said we could go.
Wait, so you're all right?
Yeah, just bruised.
Oh, thank God. Thank
God. Thank God. Thank God.
- Here. Take this.
- What's
Jesus. Where did you get that?
My seizures came back.
They were very sudden
and perfectly timed.
I love you.
I love you.
Listen,
I know it's scary,
but we've been through a lot already.
We've had quite a year.
And we survived because
we had each other.
No, we have each other.
Yeah.
- That was weird.
- What?
I-I just got déjà vu.
That's a good sign.
I hope so.