Detectorists (2014) s03e01 Episode Script

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solar panels that we pop over the farm, switch on Figures for next year's forecast, sir.
You did not bring biscuits.
There weren't any, sir.
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acquire up to 600 acres across East Anglia No biscuits? .
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starting with a site in north Essex, which we received planning permission for on the 4th of May.
51-acre site, 30 megawatts of power per annum and a saving of 180,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide over the course of a 30-year lease.
For centuries, man has looked for the earth's bounty below the ground, but now we are on the brink of a new age of clean, carbon neutral energy production from the sun -- and the treasure, ladies and gentlemen, is very much above our heads.
Now, Church Farm, once these solar panels start being erected in six weeks' time, will be the third-largest solar farm in England and will supply low-cost electricity to the local town of Danebury.
Look at that.
Not a cloud in the sky.
Shall we? Let's.
Will you search the loamy earth for me? Climb through the briar and bramble? I'll be your treasure I felt the touch of the kings and the breath of the wind I knew the call of all the songbirds They sang all the wrong words I'm waiting for you I'm waiting for you What do you think that is? Oh, yeah.
That's a retaining plate from the back of a mid-20th century socket mount.
Would have had a rod coming off here, with a loop to attach it to the spring housing.
Brilliant.
I can cross that off my wish list.
Don't knock it, mate.
That's a piece of history right there.
Small scrap of a life long forgotten.
Yeah, that's easy for you to say, you've got a piece in the British Museum.
Have I told you about that? Where do you go from there? What do you aspire to? Is there a Nobel prize for metal detecting? There should be.
We're so lucky to have been here.
When you think about how small this island is.
We're walking on archaeology.
There's nowhere we could tread that hasn't been trodden on a thousand times before by Celts, the Druids, the Romans What have you got? Scaffold clamp.
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Saxons, the Vikings.
You know, when I look at this landscape, I can read it.
That's the likely site of a settlement.
That's where the workers gathered for their lunch.
That's where someone left some scaffolding.
If you could invite any six people to a dinner party, who would it be? Anyone from history.
Alive or dead.
- Alive, probably.
- You know what I mean.
- I know who I wouldn't invite.
- Who? Stephen Fry or Jesus.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
They get invited to these imaginary dinner parties all the time.
Doubt they'd be very good company.
Probably a bit bored and bolshy.
And the Dalai Lama.
Bit moody.
I don't know, maybe Kurt Cobain? Oh, yeah, he'd be a good laugh.
He was known for his sparkling dinner party conversation.
Will there be heroin at this dinner party? Oh, speaking of which, I reckon one of Kate's friends is smoking in my flat.
You know, bit of the old, uh Go on, say it.
- What? - Wacky baccy.
I wasn't going to say "wacky baccy".
What were you gonna say? Spliff.
Cool.
Is Kate still in the spare room? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't mind? No, no.
it's great, you know.
Brings a bit of life to the place.
It's no longer Lance's sad bachelor pad.
All spick and span and tidy.
Now there's people about.
Young people.
Stuff all over the floor.
No, it's great.
I don't even mind the, uh - Wacky baccy.
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spliff.
Oh, that's good, that's great.
You ever stay at Toni's? No, I can't, I get seasick.
Mate, she lives on a barge, a narrow boat.
It's not being tossed upon the open seas.
Well, it makes no difference.
I can feel movement, even when it's imperceptible to others.
I last about ten minutes, then I start to sweat and heave.
Oh, that's not a good look.
How's it going at the mother-in-law's? Ah, it's great, it's great.
It's all good.
She's a bit, sometimes, but she likes me better now that I've got a job.
She adores Stanley, babysits, so, no, it's all good.
You don't miss not having your own space? I've, uh, I've taking up vaping of an evening.
Just so that I can go stand alone in the garden for ten minutes.
Oh, well, there you go.
Ideal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hello.
In here.
Make sure you put your things back in the cupboard, so I don't fall over them again.
Yeah.
Doing that now.
Put your boots on the paper.
I just done it, just now.
Don't get snippy with me, I heard that.
I hate being told to do stuff that I've already done, or I'm actually in the process of doing.
I bet you don't speak to Rebecca like that.
I wouldn't dare.
- Is she here? - Giving Stanley a bath.
Don't go in the lounge, it's all set up for my ladies.
OK.
Where have you been today? - Metal detecting? - Yep.
Find anything? Nah.
Look who's clean and ready for bed.
Hello, sunshine.
Who's reading you a story? - You.
- Yeah? Oh, before you put Stanley to bed, can you check on that bathroom mirror? It's loose, I'm afraid it's going to fall off the wall.
OK.
Better go and find my drill.
I might be some time.
- Do you want a glass of wine? - Oh, yes, please.
I'll bring one out.
What story shall we read? Hm? Are you missing your shed? Who was it who said any man who, past the age of 30, finds himself without a shed can consider himself a failure? Titchmarsh? Might have been Titchmarsh, yeah.
We're not gonna be here forever.
Just until we get a deposit together and now that you're working, that's gonna happen all the sooner.
Hey, don't you start a new dig at work tomorrow? Yeah.
New site near Colchester.
They're putting up an office block and we've got to go and check out what could be some roman walls.
- That could be exciting.
- Oh, yeah, definitely, yeah.
- Yeah? - Oh, absolutely.
A lot of archaeologists think there's a lost Roman settlement outside Colchester.
There you go, then.
Here's to you finding the Essex Herculaneum.
Terry's got two sheds.
You can have one shed.
Morning.
Well, almost.
- What time is it? - 12:45.
Oh, shit.
You have a good night? Yeah, it was all right.
Where'd you go? Oh, we had a lock-in, just stayed in the bar once they'd closed up.
You working tonight? Oh, I've got the night off.
I've invited people round here, actually.
- That's all right, isn't it? - Yep.
- You want some cheese on toast? - Oh, yes, please.
Actually, uh, love, um .
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Mrs Morris was asking whether you could keep the noise down when you ask friends back here late at night, cos, uh Honestly, Dad, I couldn't make any less noise if I tried.
This place is so deathly quiet at night, the tiniest noise, like, echoes around the town.
- I know, but she's old.
- I dropped my keys.
That's what it was, I dropped my keys and I swear to God, I saw five lights come on up up the road.
People coming to their windows.
Well, that That's Danebury for you.
Oh, and, um, Kate, you-you know the cheese? - The what? - You know the cheese, if you cut a corner off it, it makes it harder to sli It doesn't matter.
- Sorry, what? - Doesn't matter, it's just the cheese.
Stick your hat on, mate, you'll get me fined.
No, I know.
But rules are rules.
You find anything, no? I don't know, mate, this is promising stuff.
I mean, this definitely looks like a Roman building, there's bits of of this around.
This is obviously the exterior of the wall, so the rest of the building would have been in this area.
I was going to suggest a trench parallel with the wall and then maybe one in this direction.
Yeah, I was thinking more over there.
Over there? Yeah, around there, that area.
- Why there? - See what's there.
Under there.
You mean, as opposed to over here? Yeah.
Yeah, yes.
It's just that I thought we were more likely to find But that's not far from here, is it? It's just there.
Yeah, I suppose.
Yeah, I suppose.
Well, we'll mark it out.
And I don't think we need to dig too deep.
All right if I have a quick sweep of this area with my metal detector? Huh? You've got a metal detector? Yeah, yeah.
What for? - It's a useful tool.
- Well, I don't think you should be using a metal detector without permission.
- No, but I'm asking permission.
- No, I know.
I'm saying I don't think the construction company will like you using a metal detector.
Could you ask? Eh yes.
But don't hold your breath.
And keep your hat on, mate.
Health and safety.
Well, I can tell by the very healthy state of the finds table that last week's wet weather has really helped your detecting.
The ground at the beginning of the month was so parched and cracked, but a couple of good days of rain and those cracks become moist.
Which, of course, makes it easier for you to get your tool in.
And what else do moister conditions mean, Hugh? Er, deeper penetration.
Deeper penetration, that's right.
As much as six inches, in some cases.
Sorry, what's funny? Nothing.
Louise? Noth-Nothing.
Nothing.
Sorry, sorry, Terry, I wasn't really concentrating.
What do, er, what do moister conditions mean? Deeper penetration.
That's right.
Oh I see.
Yeah, you're being smutty, aren't you? Cover your ears, Sheila, - you shouldn't have to listen to this filth.
- Sorry, Sheila.
I don't mind.
- Luckily, young Hugh doesn't get it.
- Get what? He's nearly 35.
Yeah, well, look, smutty innuendo aside, as I say, some very choice finds on the finds table.
Whose are the crotal bells? Those are mine.
Lovely pair.
- Thank you.
- Two very nice Victorian coins here, whose are these? They're mine.
My first hoard.
Well, I'm not sure we can call that a hoard, Hugh.
Purse spill, maybe.
Were they in the same hole? Close.
How close? 50 yards.
They were in a straight line.
But there are only two of them.
Any two points on Earth are in a straight line.
Oh, now, I believe we have got some jewellery retrieval service news.
Russ? Indeed.
You'll recall how Hugh, here, found an interesting badge that turned out to be an identification tag from Her Majesty's Prison, Chelmsford.
Well, after some research, we were able to match the prisoner number to a Mr Oliver Meeker, who sadly passed away in 1993 -- but we also were able to trace his widow, who is still alive and she's living in Ipswich and so we were able to return the badge to her.
- How did that work out? - It was a complete surprise.
She had absolutely no idea that her husband had even been to prison.
She thought he'd been working away in Colombia for 18 months.
In the hotel industry.
She was very emotional.
Quite tearful.
Do you know why he went to prison? Yes.
He'd, um He'd I'd rather not talk about it, because it's not nice.
Oh, you're joking -- look at this.
Gah, another solar farm.
Won't be any land left to detect on soon.
Well, it's clean, sustainable energy, Louise.
You've got to move with the times, embrace the change.
Don't they fry birds? Fry them? Yeah, fry them out of the sky.
You know, is that done with solar beams? No, the solar panels absorb the sunlight, Hugh.
They don't reflect it back in concentred death rays.
Don't they confuse bees? A confused bee's better than no bee at all, Sheila.
They help the bees, cos they plant wildflowers in between the solar panels.
- Ah.
- Where's this one going, then? Uh, it's, um Hang on a sec.
Du-du-du-du-der, "third-largest solar farm", yada yada yada yada, uh, "13 megawatts" No, no, no, where is it? Ah, here we are.
"Due to start construction in six weeks at" Look who I found.
Toni's here.
- Hi, love.
- Hello, you.
Cider, Numbers, Numbers and an Aperol spritz for my good lady wife.
Oh, hee-hee.
- Thanks, Terry.
- Thanks Terry.
- Cheers, Terpa.
- Cheers.
Hang on, has something happened? Just found out we've lost the farm.
Oh, no.
You've been there for years, haven't you? - Five.
- Well, exactly.
I mean, you've searched the place out.
You said yourself you've got to accept change.
Time to move on.
No such thing as searched out, Terry, there's always more.
I've always thought there's something good there, something significant.
Well, I thought this was the year we were gonna find it.
How long are the solar panels going to be there? Says the lease is 30 years.
And how old are you now? You'll find a new permission.
I don't know, love, it's getting harder and harder.
Oh.
Oh, well.
Let's all take off our gloomy trousers and talk about something else.
- Good idea, love.
- Yeah.
Change of subject.
Ooh, I heard your Kate dropped her keys the other night? Mm.
How do you know that? Who told us that Kate dropped her keys? Was it Miriam in the pet shop? Miriam heard from one of the mums at Clown Land.
- Did she find them? - I don't think she lost 'em.
- She just dropped them? - I think so.
I'll have to tell Miriam.
If you could.
It might be a good thing.
You can spend more time with me, or start writing songs again.
Mm.
When you gonna play me something on your mandolin? Er I'm not that great.
That wasn't the question.
Ah, I don't know.
Tonight? - Ah.
- Kate's there? She's got some friends staying.
I don't mind.
The place isn't really my own at the moment.
Well, can't you bring your mandolin over to mine? I stopped off at the chemist and got these.
- Um - Seasickness pills.
It's just they don't agree with me.
"Yes, we do.
" I've had 'em before and they make me hallucinate.
- That sounds fun.
- Then I get the runs.
Oh.
Look.
Look, I'll talk to Kate and I'll sort it out.
I'm sorry.
I promise.
OK.
Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Sorry.
I'm living in a squat.
Did you say something? I said, I live in a squat.
There's shit everywhere.
Towels on the floor, piles of clothes, dirty mugs and plates.
Spillages.
What's brought this on? Toni won't stay while Kate's there.
And I'm worried she's gonna leave me if I don't sort it out soon.
Place isn't mine anymore.
I want it all spick and span again.
You should say something to Kate if she's staying there rent free.
Yeah, I know.
I'm worried if I say anything, she's gonna up and leave again.
I'm walking on egg shells.
Literally.
There was egg shells all over the kitchen floor last week.
If it's any consolation, I hate my job.
Thought you loved your job? It's bullshit.
I don't know what's going on there.
The site manager doesn't know what he's doing.
He's dead behind the eyes.
I thought you had to be passionate to be an archaeologist, you know? It's not something you can just fall into reluctantly.
Don't know what I'd do without this place to escape to.
Haven't even got a shed.
- Call it a day? - Go on, then.
Switching off detectors in five .
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four, three, two Hang on.
- What you got? - Jumping around between 50 and 80.
Probably just a shotty.
Bloody hell.
Look at that.
It's a whistle.
That is lovely.
Good job, mate.
What's that? Military? Nah, that's a hawking whistle.
A falconer would have used that, call his bird back.
Does it work? It's full of dirt, hang on.
Go on.
Pub? Go on, then.
One's for sorrow Two's for joy Three's for a girl and four's for a boy Five's for silver Six for gold Seven's for a secret Never told Devil, Devil I defy thee Devil, Devil, I defy thee Devil, Devil I defy thee Oh, the magpie brings us tidings Of news both fair and foul She's more cunning than the raven More wise than any owl Though she brings us news of the harvest Of the barley, wheat and corn And she knows when we'll go to our graves And how we shall be born One's for sorrow Two's for joy Three's for a girl and four's for a boy Five's for silver Six for gold Seven's for a secret Never told.