Devious Maids s03e01 Episode Script

Previously on "Devious Maids" Did you know I'm writing a book? It's about what I went through to get my son out of jail.
I had to work as a maid for six months.
- But you leave Friday? - When we get settled in D.
C.
, Michael says we can finally start talking about adoption.
I'm Sebastien.
So, obviously, I want to see you again.
I think we can arrange that.
- I really like you.
- And I like you.
- Morning.
- Oh, crap.
Dad says you two are getting back together.
Your father's confused.
So you'd rather be with Javier? I just thought you might want to know.
- You're pregnant.
- Been 15 years since he died.
All these years I've blamed you for Barrett's death.
Can you ever forgive me? I think it's time we forgive each other.
All I see when I look at you is a wonderful man.
I let you get away from me once, and I don't want that to happen again.
We think you're protecting that boy you've been dating.
He's part of that gang that's been robbing houses in Beverly Hills.
You can go to prison for not telling! I've decided to tell the police about Ethan.
We have to get rid of Valentina.
I'll track her down eventually.
Somebody call an ambulance! Rosie! Oh, please.
Please, Rosie.
Rosie! She looks like she's still out.
You think we should pinch her? N-No p-pinching.
Oh, my God.
Honey! You gave us quite a scare.
What's going on? You're alive, that's what! Hallelujah! Spence and Miguel are on their way.
- How do you feel? - Weird.
I hope I can still go on my honeymoon.
What? It's on Saturday.
Rosie, when you got shot, you fell, and you hit your head really hard.
Honey, you've been in a coma.
A-A coma? You've been out for four months.
Excuse me.
Little girl! Those are my prize-winning roses.
Do you understand me? Which one of the gardeners is your father? Katy! Oh! Oh, thank God.
Katy! Oh, there you are! Thank God! - Taylor.
Michael.
- Hello, Evelyn.
I see that you've met our daughter.
All right, here we go! I just talked to Spence.
He's parking the car.
Why are you looking at me like that? They just told me about Pablo getting killed in the shooting.
You must be so sad.
It was hard.
I mean, we ended it so badly, and then he was gone.
Now I understand why you got a little What? Fat.
You got a little fat.
Which is really rude of you to say, Rosie.
I am not fat.
It's this shirt.
You've been grieving.
It's okay to eat your feelings.
Ya.
Basta.
Can we talk about something else, please? Yeah.
Um, well, my book came out.
And it's on The New York Times Best Seller list.
That's wonderful! We barely see her anymore.
Yeah, well, it's been kind of hectic with my appearances and book signings.
Well, you make time for Evelyn Powell.
What? This one is best friends with Evelyn Powell now.
Here we go.
She's not my best friend.
She happened to have liked my book.
All they do is eat fancy lunches and shop at richie-rich stores.
Carmen's dating a married man.
Que qué? Got her holed up in a big house that he rented for her.
He's a real-estate agent.
He can afford to treat me well, okay? He is keeping you for sex.
It's completely demeaning.
Chachas, Rosie didn't wake up for this.
This is a happy day, remember? Mama! Mama! Ay, Miguel! Oh.
- You're so big.
- Oh, my God.
Rosie.
I love you so much.
Come on, guys.
I had no idea you'd moved back to town.
We've been here for a while.
We would've called sooner, but we've been a bit busy with our little angel.
Yes.
Little Katy.
Wherever did you find her? Argentina.
Michael had business there, and we went and visited one of the local orphanages.
I don't mean to sound rude, but don't we have perfectly good orphans here in the States? Yes, but we took one look at Katy, and we just knew that she was our daughter.
Right, sweetheart? Are they all mute? That is such a wonderful quality in a child.
Katy has emotional problems.
Oh, dear.
She had a bit of a tough start in life, but she'll adjust.
Of course she will.
Katy, I keep a stash of Belgian chocolates in my pantry.
Would you like some? I think that's a yes.
I will be right back.
Honestly, Michael emotional problems? Argentina? Well, we can't tell people the truth, can we? Remi.
What are you doing here? Where were you? I called you a bunch of times.
I had my phone off.
I was visiting my dad at the cemetery.
Oh.
Well, I would have gone with you.
I wanted to be alone.
What's up? Uh - I bought you something.
- Aww.
That's nice.
What is it? Pepper spray.
So you'll be able to protect yourself.
That's why I have you.
No, I'm serious, Val.
What if I'm not around? Remi, they caught Ty.
He's in jail.
No one's trying to kill me anymore.
You never know who's lurking around the corner, all right? Please, just take it.
Fine, but the next time you want to buy me a gift, try flowers.
Hi! Hi! So sorry I'm late.
I was visiting my friend Rosie at the hospital.
We were just talking about your interview on NPR! Terry Gross raved about your book.
I know.
It's so flattering.
Of course her favorite character was the ice-cold, ball-busting, rich-bitch employer, Mrs.
P.
Yes, Evelyn is famous at the club now.
Did she really say all those horrible things you wrote? - Every word.
- I'm positively terrible.
Okay, now, I have a very serious question.
Who's coming with me to the Barney's sale after lunch? Well, you don't need to twist my arm.
Marisol? I don't know.
Do you ever feel like we should be filling our days with something more meaningful than shopping? Where's all this coming from? My friend Carmen says I'm becoming frivolous.
I'm sorry.
Carmen your maid friend? Yeah.
- What? - Well You've had success, and she's still a maid.
It's It's jealousy, plain and simple.
- Maybe.
- Ooh, and that reminds me.
I need a final head count for the book signing.
Shall I invite the maid friends or no? I don't know if they'd feel comfortable.
Can I get back to you? Fine.
Just be sure to give me some advance notice.
I need to know whether to lock up the valuables.
What? That is classic Mrs.
P.
- You're awful.
- It takes one to know one.
I'm doing some of my best work here, and you're very quiet.
I'm sorry.
I'm just thinking about my friend Marisol.
Interesting.
Is she hot? Stop! She said some things today that really bothered me.
Like what? Well she doesn't think I should let you rent me this house.
Why not? Because she thinks you're only keeping me here for sex.
Sebastien! What? You know I cannot spend the night.
And you have that audition in the morning.
Right.
So shouldn't we move things along? Keep talking.
We can do both.
How about tonight we just talk, like people who care about each other.
You think I don't care about you? I've been trying to help your career.
If you'd only meet with my wife I can't.
I'm screwing her husband.
That's low, even for me.
- Okay, then, what about this house? - What about it? You think I go around renting houses for people I don't care about? It's a symbol of my commitment to you.
It is? Carmen, my life was nothing before I met you.
Well, when you put it that way.
Okay.
Is there anything else you want to talk about? I think we're done talking.
Margaritas? You hate margaritas.
I did, but it's the strangest thing.
Ever since I got Pablo's kidney, I've been craving them.
Join me? I'm trying to stay healthy.
Oh.
Because you've gotten fat.
You've noticed that, too? Oh, come on.
Everyone's talking about it.
Who's everyone? Well, mostly just me.
But people always nod when I bring it up.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, honey, don't be so sensitive.
You'll lose the weight.
- No, I won't.
- Here.
Alcohol makes everything better.
Not this.
Why not? Because I'm pregnant.
Sorry, it's just so shocking.
Aren't you a little old to be pregnant? Not helping! And don't you dare tell anyone else.
No one knows.
Not even Javier? He's the father.
Well Wait.
You mean, when you and Pablo? - It's possible.
- Zoila.
I know! I should've done a paternity test by now.
But Javi's been away in Vegas opening the new restaurant, and Pablo's Gone.
But Javi gets back this week.
I just have to find a way to test him before I start to show.
Are you sure you don't want this drink? Hi! Sorry! My publisher took me to Spago.
The lobster salad was amazing.
I brought you some leftovers.
Leftover fish for leftover friends.
Pass.
Ooh.
Are these pot stickers? - Hey, you're Marisol, right? - Yeah.
I'm Blanca.
Nice to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
Oh.
Nothing bad, I hope.
No.
All good here.
So, how do you guys know each other? Mm.
We met a couple of months ago.
She works down the street from Genevieve.
These are so good.
- Right? - Mm-hmm.
So you're a maid, also? - Actually, I just got fired.
- What happened? I just asked to change my hours to go to college part time.
The next thing I know, I don't have a job.
Can you believe that? They fired her because she wants to go to college.
Yeah.
And now I can't afford classes because I'm super broke.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Well, I know that the Stappords just moved back into town.
I bet you they're looking for someone.
Tell them about Blanca! She's the best! She even cleans under the toilet seat.
I mean, who does that? - Everyone but you.
- Do you really think they'd be okay with me going to school part time? Definitely.
They're great.
I'll call Taylor tomorrow.
So cheer up.
Have a pot sticker.
Oh, those were for everybody? Thank you for squeezing us in today, Doctor.
It's been some time.
How is your marriage? Good.
Very good.
Well, mostly.
It's just In the bedroom, uh, lately things have been a little Limp.
I see.
- In the penis area.
- I think he got it the first time.
You know, there are a number of medications.
We've tried them.
Nothing seems to do the trick.
I-I can't help but feel like Adrian just isn't attracted to me anymore.
How long has this been going on? The last month or so.
It's strange because our marriage is better than ever, really.
We recently got some much-needed closure - on on the death of our son.
- Ah.
So no more of the constant fighting.
How does that make you feel, Adrian? Well, nobody enjoys fighting all the time.
Some people do.
They thrive on conflict.
It excites them.
You're saying being happy is making me unhappy? I'm not saying anything.
I'm posing a question.
I'd like to pose a question When are we having sex again? Well, Rome wasn't built in a day.
You two are gonna have to work on this together.
And it's going to be very, very hard.
Can I get that in writing? You need 10 of Javi's hairs to do the DNA test.
And I have to pull them from the root.
I know.
Sweetheart, just how do you plan to yank out his hair without him noticing? Easy.
I'm gonna distract him with my sex appeal.
Oh, wait, you're serious.
I mean it.
You look amazing.
I do? Don't get me wrong, I've always thought you were beautiful, but today you're glowing.
That's because I'm happy to see you.
- Oh, I've missed this.
- Oh, me too.
I've missed this face, these ears, this hair.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow! I'm sorry.
I'm just excited to see you.
Javier! What a delight.
I had no idea you were back in town.
Hello, Genevieve.
Come here and give me a hug! Oh, we've missed you so much.
Just wasn't the same without you.
Oh.
That's so nice.
Anyway, I'll just get out of your hairs now.
Hair.
Ta-ta.
Where were we? I believe we were doing this.
Zoila, I need you! Hold that thought.
We need more hair.
Are you kidding me? You need 10.
You only got 8.
I can't keep pulling the hair out of his head! He's gonna notice! Then you'll just have to get creative.
Now go.
Hey, there, mister.
Do you know what else I've missed? This chest! Ow! Ow! Ow! And how is Tucker? Good.
I think.
Actually, uh, Peri doesn't let me see him much.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
That's terrible.
So it's just been me and Miguel.
I had to give up the house.
We moved into an apartment.
It's not so big, but That's okay.
Wherever you are, that's my home.
I feel the same way.
But what about the money? Hospitals are so expensive, and you lost your job.
Well, I got another one.
I did a movie.
That's exciting! It was for cable, so no big deal.
Sorry.
Visiting hours are over.
We'll talk about it later.
I want to hear more about the movie.
You heard the man.
Besides, I got to pick up Miguel.
I'm so proud of you.
Did you hear that? My husband is a movie star.
I know.
You've seen his movie? Yes, I have.
And you are one lucky girl.
What do you mean? I mean, the guy's like, what, 50? - And he's naked in every scene.
- Naked? Yeah.
And from the looks of that thing, I don't blame you for taking a four-month nap.
- Oh! - Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh God! Hi, Carmen.
Hey.
Listen, we're taking dinner to Rosie in the hospital tonight.
What do you want to bring? Tonight? Oh.
I've got this party.
For my book.
Well, thanks for the invitation.
Well, I wasn't sure that you'd want to go.
- It's at Evelyn Powell's.
- Of course it is.
You know, I am tired of your hostility, Carmen.
Is it really so bad that I've made new friends? Yes! Because you care more about those fancy people than you care about us.
That is completely unfair! Ay, Marisol, it's fine.
No me importa.
Go to your party.
It's where you belong.
What is that supposed to mean? It means you were never really a maid.
You were never really one of us.
- Do you honestly feel that way? - Yes.
¿Qué demonios es esto? Carmen! I got to go.
Who the hell are you? Herb Anderson? What are you doing in my house, Herb Anderson? And if you like top-of-the-line, wait till you see this kitchen.
Carmen? I-I just found her here.
I swear.
I thought you had an audition.
They moved it.
You two, go check out the yard.
It's great for entertaining.
This is one of your listings? I'm living in someone else's house? Yes, but it's a really nice house.
You said this house was proof of how much you care.
I wanted to do something for you, but I could not afford it.
What do you mean? You're rich.
Actually, my wife is rich.
I haven't sold a house all year.
I'm sort of broke.
Oh, my God! I'm mooching off a mooch! I am so glad that Marisol recommended you.
You have no idea how grateful I am to have some help around here.
Oh, no.
No, please.
You've been so cool about my schedule.
- I'm the grateful one.
- Aww.
Damn it, Taylor! For God's sakes! Look what Katy's done now! Michael! Blanca's here.
She's our new maid.
Hi, Mr.
Stappord.
Hi.
I needed these papers for my deposition in Boston.
Katy's a child.
I'm sure it wasn't intentional.
That's easy for you to say.
She doesn't keep ruining your things.
Why is she dressed like that? She's coming to Marisol's book party with us.
Have Blanca watch her.
Yeah.
I don't mind.
Really.
We can't leave Katy with someone new.
You know that.
Hey, Katy? Hey, Sweetie, how about I make us a little snack? Yeah, do that.
All right.
Aah! - Aah! Val, it's me! It's me! - Remi? Oh, my God! You pepper-sprayed me! I thought you were gonna attack me.
- Why were you following me? - You were jogging alone.
- I wanted to make sure you were safe! - By scaring the crap out of me? Hey, I am your boyfriend, all right? It is my job to protect you.
Well, if you keep "protecting" me like that, you're not gonna be my boyfriend for much longer.
Come on.
You know, Katy, sometimes parents fight, but it doesn't mean anything.
See, the important thing is that they love each other, and they love you.
Like you love them.
Right? I don't love Daddy.
And neither does Mommy.
It's Dr.
Stevens.
Hello? Does he have the results? Is Javier the father? I see.
Thank you, Doctor.
Well? It's Pablo's baby.
What am I gonna do? Good morning, beautiful.
How was your night? I saw your movie.
- Oh, God! Oh! God! - Oh! - I can explain.
- What's to explain? Your wife is in a coma, and you were making pornos? Soft-core! Soft-core! I wasn't actually having sex.
Is that supposed to make me feel better? You think I wanted to make that movie? It's the only job I could find! You call that a job? Ernesto was a policeman.
That was a job I could be proud of.
- Rosie.
- But this This is humiliating.
Rosie, you don't understand.
Miguel had no one.
He needed me to put food on the table.
I'm sorry I didn't make you proud like Ernesto.
But I did the best that I could for Miguel.
He's my son now, too.
I'm sorry.
You were just trying to be a good father.
Yeah.
So, you understand? I do.
But if you make a sequel, I'll put you in a coma.
Oh, Zoila.
I hate to see you cry.
I just keep wondering how I'm gonna tell Javi about this.
Well, maybe you don't.
Huh? Your baby still needs a father.
Why can't it be Javier? Genevieve.
You'll break his heart if you tell him the truth.
I know.
- He could leave you.
- I know! But I'm not gonna lie to him.
That's very brave of you.
But if I were pregnant and alone, I'd be scared to death.
How do I look? Better.
Again, I am so sorry.
Mm.
Don't be.
I wanted you to use the pepper spray.
You wanted me to blind you? Not me, but a bad guy.
Remi, ever since the shooting, you've been hovering over me.
Texting me, calling me.
You have to stop.
I can't.
Why not? I ducked.
What? At the church, when the shooting started, I didn't protect you.
I I ducked.
There was gunfire.
Everyone ducked.
- But if you had been hit - I wasn't.
Valentina, you're my whole life, my future.
I don't want to live in a world without you.
I feel the same.
Even though I was such a coward? That day was the worst day of my life.
I lost my dad.
I couldn't imagine losing you, too.
I'm glad you ducked.
Your eyes look terrible.
Oops.
Oh, I'm sorry, Valentina.
Let me just grab my glasses.
Valentina is of today, Mr.
Powell.
I'm your new maid.
- Colette.
- Have you been drinking? Of course not.
I'm just new to this job, and, well, I hope my boss isn't the type to take advantage of me.
I've never been more confused.
Adrian, Dr.
Haskell suggested role play to spice up our sex life, and you've always had a thing for maids, so I thought you'd enjoy it.
All right, I'm in.
Let's try this.
I couldn't help but overhear the other maids whispering about your large reputation.
Is that Valentina's uniform? Is that a problem? It's just I've come to think of Valentina like a daughter.
Well, perhaps you should take the uniform off of Colette.
Hate to be a stickler Does it have to be Colette? What's wrong with Colette? My father's second wife was Colette ghastly woman.
How about Gretchen? And try it with a German accent.
If that is what you want, then I will do my best.
Oh, that's good.
Keep talking.
Very well, Herr Powell.
What do you want me to say? Yes.
More German.
Something's happening.
Uh, my name is Gretchen.
- Guten morgen.
- Yes, yes.
Ich bin eine Berliner.
Edelweiss.
Yeah.
- Ah! Ah! - Gesundheit.
Ohh.
Sorry, it, um It was indigestion.
Oh, for God's sake.
Are you leaving? Yes! Adrian! This is hopeless.
Auf wiedersehen.
Carmen, I'm sorry.
Give those to your wife.
She paid for them anyway.
Okay, I get it.
You're mad at me.
I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at me.
I knew better.
You know, I broke all my rules for you.
You have rules? Don't sleep with a married man.
Don't depend on a man.
Don't date a man with an accent sexier than yours.
- That's really a rule? - Well, it is now.
And, lastly, don't fall in love with a man when there's no future.
You love me? It doesn't matter.
It's over.
You know I would be with you, but there's a prenup.
If I leave my wife, I get nothing.
And what about me? Am I nothing? You're everything, okay? I'm in love with you, too.
I wish I could believe that.
Please don't go.
I have to, Sebastien.
I'm better than this.
_ Excuse me.
Oh, my God, you came! Oh! Michael, I thought you were going out of town.
Oh, I'm leaving tonight, but I couldn't miss your party.
Oh.
- You look amazing! - Thank you.
- Success agrees with you! - Taylor, Michael, nice to see you and your tiny child at my otherwise grown-up party.
I hope it's not an inconvenience.
Not at all! Marisol, your fans are calling for you.
Come.
Pardon me.
Oh! Pardon me.
- I'm Adrian Powell.
- Alexandra.
- Do you know Marisol? - No, a friend brought me.
I'm just in town for a couple days.
What do you do for a living, Adrian? I'm independently wealthy.
It takes up a lot of my time, but I find it fulfilling.
And you? I shouldn't talk about my work in polite company.
Oh.
So now you have to tell me.
I'm a professional dominatrix.
I did not see that coming.
You don't look like a dominatrix.
How should I look? Fishnet stockings, leather corset, whips and chains? I suppose so.
Yeah.
Pick that up.
- All right, Alexandra.
- Mistress Alexandra.
On your knees.
Ow! Should be translated into Spanish, at the very least.
I need you.
Adrian, you're being rude.
What could possibly be so urgent? You'll have to excuse us.
Something seems to have popped up.
I'm so happy for the two of you.
And how clever you were to adopt an older child.
Clever? You don't have to worry about getting your figure back.
And you get to miss all the difficult parts of child rearing.
I can assure you, we're not missing all the difficult parts.
No one ever said that being a parent was easy, Michael.
Excuse me.
I know it's none of my business, but it's natural for a new child to bring some tension to a marriage.
You're right.
It's none of your business.
Good, you're here.
I think tonight's the night.
_ Sorry, Gail.
- Should I personalize it? - Oh, yes.
To my maid Elida.
Oh, that's nice.
I want her to read about the woman who cleaned the foyer with a toothbrush, 'cause I'm hoping she's gonna take the hint.
Yours can read English? I'll give you $5,000 for her sight unseen.
- That's kind of offensive.
- Oh, come on.
You know how hard it is to find good help.
That's what your whole book is about.
That's not what it's about.
I'd give anything for a maid that didn't steal from me.
Hell, I'd settle for one that just isn't stupid.
Well, if they weren't stupid, they wouldn't be maids.
Okay, that's it.
These women that you take such pleasure in deriding, they work their asses off.
They literally get on their hands and knees for you.
And you think that makes you better than them? Well, it doesn't.
These women may not have money, but they do have class, which is more than I can say for you people.
Marisol! Where are you going? This has all been lovely, Evelyn, but I think I'm at the wrong party.
Carmen.
Am I too late? I'd love to see Rosie.
What about your big party and all your fancy people? They're not my people.
You are.
You mean that? Carmen, I am so, so sorry.
I did not mean to ignore you.
I guess I just I got caught up in all of this.
It's okay.
I guess I did, too.
Oh? I broke up with Sebastien.
You were right, Marisol.
I became someone I didn't respect.
I'm so sorry.
The only bad part is now I don't have a place to live.
Well, I have an empty guest room.
No, no.
I-I couldn't impose.
Oh, hell.
I'm desperate.
- I'm imposing! - Good! Come over tonight.
In fact, I have an idea that I'd love to run by you.
Idea for what? The next chapter of my life.
Okay Hi, guys! Hey! Cheers, my love.
To a fabulous party.
And a happy ending for us both.
So, tell me.
What got into you this evening? I trust you're not complaining.
Oh, on the contrary.
I'm hoping for a repeat performance.
You think it was the music? Perhaps a certain food you were eating? Actually, I met the most fascinating woman.
Oh, my God.
I had sex with another woman's erection? But the orgasm was all yours.
You were thinking about this other woman the whole time? - Not the woman, the pain.
- What? She's a dominatrix.
She stepped on my hand.
It was a revelation.
I think I've heard enough.
But I discovered the solution to our problem.
You just have to be cruel to me.
It shouldn't be that hard.
You're practically a dominatrix already.
- You disgust me, Adrian! - Yes, like that! I am going to bed now, and you can sleep on the couch tonight.
We have nine other bedrooms.
Couch! Hi.
I'm looking for the Velvet Whip.
Am I in the right place? Shut up, worm.
I'll take that as a yes.
Mi amor.
What did you want to talk to me about? Why don't you sit? You're making me a little nervous.
That makes two of us.
I'm pregnant.
Wait, what? I know it's crazy.
Oh, my God.
You're pregnant? Ah! Whoa! Whoa, wait! Javi You're pregnant! My My heart is bursting out of my chest! So, you're happy about this, but I'm thrilled! This is all I ever wanted, to have a child with the woman I love.
Oh, my God.
Am I really going to be a dad? Yes.
Yes, you are.
- Hi.
- Oh, G-God! Blanca.
You said I could move my things in here tonight.
- Right.
I did.
- What's wrong? Uh, there's a mess in the living room.
I was just going to clean it up.
Oh, well, that's okay.
I've got it.
No, I can't let you do that.
No, it's fine.
Trust me.
Whatever it is, I'm sure I've seen worse.
- I can do it.
- No.
Oh, Blanca, wait.
What the hell happened in here? Oh, for heaven's sake.
Get out of my roses! Ugh.
Mangy mutt.
Go on! Go on! Go on, get! Go on! Get! Get!