Due South (1994) s03e01 Episode Script

[music.]
- Go.
[barking.]
- What is wrong with you? Why can't you leave this alone? - It's not in my nature.
- Okay, get yourfeet off the bottom.
- I don't think you want me to do that.
- Pick yourfeet up! - As you wish.
Ready? - What? No.
No, no Aaahhh!!! [coughing.]
[gasping.]
[coughing.]
- Maybe next time, you'll think twice.
- Let me just go over the details and see if they're in order.
You were in pursuit of this individual for over 61/2 days, Over roughly, oh, 1,700 kilometres of deep wilderness, in pursuit of an individual you suspected was guilty of - Littering, Sir.
- Ah I was hoping I'd read that incorrectly.
Because, you see, in the course of the pursuit of this litter bug, you effectively destroyed three river boats, two light aircraft, four ATV and one punt.
- The punt was purely accidental, Sir.
- They so often are, aren't they? Tell me, Constable, was there something in the nature of this man's litter that would justify the destruction of over $733,000 worth of private property? - Yes, Sir.
Volume.
And content.
- What kind of volume and content are we talking about? - Well, at first it seemed to be domestic.
A village dumping ground.
But there was a telltale odour, Sir, one that I'm sure you would recognize like chicken parts.
- Farts? - Parts.
Closer inspection revealed it to be the banned chemical known as DES, or they were bringing the drums in on cruise ships through the deep port at Skagway, then hauling them over the White Pass with the intent local inhabitants, in an expression of their deep appreciation, have recommended that you, Sir, be bestowed with the title of honorary tribal elder.
[knocking.]
- Constable Fraser, there's a call foryou from Chicago.
- Hello, Ray? - Hey, Benny, how's the vacation going? - It's everything a Mountie could ask for, Ray, lots of fresh air, plenty of exercise How are things in Chicago? - You know, Benny, Chicago's Chicago.
I'm calling to tell you I may not be at the train to pick you up.
- No hardship, Ray.
I have legs.
I can walk.
- I know you have legs, Benny.
I'm just letting you know that you may be on your own awhile.
- Is something wrong? - No.
Why would anything be wrong? I'm just calling to let you know I'd like to be there to pick you up, but if I can't be there, it's not because I didn't want to be, it's because something came up.
- You're sure everything's all right? - Look, Benny, I don't know if they have a similarthing up there in Canada, but down here in America, we have this thing called friendship.
This is something that a friend would do.
For example, if one friend calls anotherfriend and he's supposed to meet him at a certain time and place and he can't be there, he usually calls to tell him.
- So everything is all right then? [sighing.]
- Yeah, Benny.
Everything is all right.
- Well, that's good to hear, Ray.
- It's good to hearyour voice.
Listen, um, I want you to have a safe trip, and I will be in touch.
- All right, Ray.
- You understand that, uh I will be in touch.
- As a friend? - Yeah, Benny, as a friend.
[dial tone.]
[music.]
[whining.]
- Oh, for God's sake.
I think I've provided ample explanation.
Ray was otherwise engaged and taxi policy precludes the transportation of wolves.
Come on.
Aside from which, we're almost home.
At the end of the alley, we turn right, cross the street, climb the stairs and we'll be as snug as bugs in a fire.
- Not an easy thing to lose a home.
- No.
- Your mother and I had a cabin north of Clyde River burned right to the ground.
A kerosene error.
My fault.
Your mother and I slept in an igloo forfour months while I rebuilt it.
The longest time we spent together.
- I didn't know that.
- Well, you weren't born yet, son.
In fact, all that time spent in that igloo sort of started the ball rolling, conceptionally speaking.
But, uh, I wouldn't let this get to you.
Something good might come from it.
It did for me.
- You know, Dad All the years you were alive, and now since you've been dead, you never you nevertalked like this.
You nevertold me.
- I didn't tell you about Dirt McGirk? Ooh, yeah, I chased that rat foryears.
He walked right up to the igloo.
Didn't think there was a Mountie inside.
Easiest arrest I ever made.
Buck up.
[grumbling.]
Dief, shhh.
We'll surprise him.
Ray! - What's the matter, pops? Something died in yourthroat? - Not yet.
- Detective Huey, have you seen Detective Vecchio? - You mean Ray? - Yes, Ray Vecchio.
The detective.
- Uh, no.
Lunchroom maybe.
- Ah, thank you kindly.
Oh, before I forget.
I brought you a little something from the Territories.
Genuine beluga whalebone.
- Hmm, what is it? - It's a sextant.
- What's a sextant? - It's a very handy little device.
Let's say, for instance, you're tracking a suspect, you can use this to triangulate your location.
- Sure, if you find yourself in a vast, open territory with no distinguishing landmarks.
- Yeah, I can see how this can come in real handy in Chicago, Fraser.
- I'm glad you like it.
Elaine.
- Fraser, how was your vacation? - Oh, very relaxing.
You haven't seen Detective Vecchio, have you? - Uh, Ray Vecchio? - Yes, the detective.
- Uh, no.
No, I haven't.
He's probably at his desk.
Ah.
Well, allow me to give you this, uh, small gift from the Northwest Territories.
- Oh Gee, uh I don't know what to say.
- No need to say anything.
Just enjoy it.
Ah, Lieutenant.
- Ah, Constable, you returned.
Upon reflection, I imagine that pleases me.
- Well, I hope so, Sir.
You haven't by any chance seen Detective Vecchio, have you? - Um first, we're gonna talk.
- Lieutenant, we got a dustup in Interview Three.
There's a guy from the IRS, says he wants to talk to you.
- IRS? All right, listen, Fraser.
Couple things I gotta do, but we have to talk.
- Ah.
Ray! - Fraser! Buddy! You have a good time up there in the Northwest areas? - Uh, Territories, you mean? - Wilderness, huh? Exactly.
Me personally, I leave the city, I come down with this skin condition.
Janey, given any thought to Friday night? Be a great first date.
Crystal ballroom, the band, martinis, me.
- My dog has a foot fungus that needs some attention.
- Right.
Is there a karmic-chi love thing happening, or what? - I'm sorry, there seems to be some sort of misunderstanding.
I'm looking for Ray Vecchio.
Raymond Vecchio, the detective.
- You talked to Welsh, right? - Uh, yes, I did.
- Good, we're on the right track.
Glad you're back.
Things have not been the same around here.
- Obviously.
- And you want to know why? - As a matter of fact, yes.
- Look back through history, what do you see? - Any particular period of history? - Nah, the whole shebang! - Oh, Fraser, you found him.
Good.
- What do you see? Over and over is this: duets.
Okay? - Hey, Ray, what's up? Jimmy, you owe me a fin from last week.
Think about it: Lennon and McCartney, the Three Stooges.
Strictly speaking, they were a trio, but in my opinion, they should've dropped Larry right from the start, 'cause you could see, the guy, he just was not committed to it.
Anyway, I think you know what I'm talking about.
- No, I'm sorry, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
- Partners, Fraser, partners.
Elaine! You got that stuff on the Docklands? - Who are you? - Quit kidding around, Fraser, you know who I am.
- I assure you, I am not kidding around.
- Here, Ray, files 1 through 7 and the background on the Johnson case.
- I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I rarely forget a face, and I'm very confident that you and I have never met.
My name is Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
I first came to Chicago on the trail the killers of my father, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I have remained, attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate, and overthe course of my time here, I formed what you would call a duet with the person that I am currently looking for, one Raymond Vecchio, Detective First Grade, Chicago Police Department.
- Raymond Vecchio, Detective First Grade, Chicago Police Department.
Everyone knows who I am, Fraser, how about you? [phone ringing.]
Ray Vecchio Yeah, like something off a Christmas tree? Foryou.
[phone.]
: Listen, what a shame about your apartment building.
Homeless, huh? What an ugly word.
You could always move in with yourfriend Vecchio.
- I'm not at all convinced that he is my friend, actually.
- Oh, well, great, then you probably won't sweat the fact that his electric blanket's getting the family home all nice and toasty.
- I have no idea who you are, but if you insist on maintaining this charade of being Ray Vecchio, it may be of interest foryou to know that I have reason to believe your house is about to burn down.
- Look, we'll take my car.
- Oh, please don't tell me your car is a 1971 green Buick Riviera.
- Yep! - Why not.
Let's just play along.
I believe that was stop sign.
- My house could be burning down, you're worried about a stop sign? - That's no reason to compound the tragedy.
- God, stop it! - What? - The things he's doing to me.
- Could be a sign of affection.
- Or what? - Or a prelude to lunch.
- He's doing disgusting things to my ear.
Get him off me! - Doesn't always listen to me.
He's deaf.
- I'll crash the car.
- He does read lips, so enunciate clearly.
- Get off me exclamation mark! - You missed ourturn.
- I did not miss ourturn.
- I believe you did.
You see, ordinarily, you would turn at Montclare, cut across the alley, cross Harlem and then turn right on Octavia.
- Ordinarily, I would do that, but ordinarily, I don't have a deaf wolf trying to make intimate with me, Fraser.
I'm trying to shake things up a bit.
Routine is a silent killer.
- I thought that was high blood pressure.
- Nah, they changed that.
- When? - You were on vacation.
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
This is Unit 1-1-7, we got a Code 13 at 2926 North Octavia Avenue.
- Take the back, I got the front.
- It's a fire.
Wait forthe fire department.
- Lives are at stake.
- I don't risk my neck for anybody.
- Ray Vecchio would.
- We're gonna die in here.
- No, we're not.
Take this and coveryourface.
- Come with me.
This way.
Stand aside.
- Oh, Fraser Fraser, forget it.
- Trust me.
- You, I trust, it's the landing that I'm not so sure of Fraser! Watch where you're putting your hands, mister.
- You know, I'm carrying a little extra weight.
- All right, I'll push.
- Whoa! - Ooh - Get off me, you baboon! - It's hot.
Is this my final posting? - I wasn't aware you could feel heat.
- I'm dead, I'm not insensitive.
What will you do about the Yank? - What do you propose I do? - Collect forensic evidence to determine if he's who he claims.
- 'Course he's not who he claims.
- Some people would contradict you.
You might be delusional.
- You know, you might be delusional.
- Oh, that's another story.
- There you are.
- You there, in the building, is there anyone else inside? - Yes! - Alive? - They are.
I'm bringing them out now.
- I don't believe this! - I know, it is remarkable.
Although, carassius auratus can withstand fluctuations in temperature far greater than generally known.
- You went into a burning building forfish? - No, not exclusively.
Dief, keep an eye on them.
- That man just went into a burning building forfish.
- Oh, sure, you take that extra step forthat bubble-eyed goldfish.
Kramer! Take the back! - I'm shaking like a leaf.
My heart's going 100 miles an hour.
Fraser, feel my heart, tell me it's not going 100 miles an hour.
- Franny, your heart's fine.
- Excuse me, Francesca Do you know this man? - Yeah, of course I do.
Doesn't he know? - Yeah, thinks he's a comedian.
Har-dee-ha-ha-ha.
So, did you hear or see anything? - Uh, okay, I had I had Linda Ronstadt on the tape deck and I was in the middle of, um, of a facial peel So, no.
And our brother-in-law here was in the middle of his usual - My teeth I had the water going.
I was working on my molars, right? Next thing, I got a mouthful of smoke.
- Okay, but did you hear or see anything? - I think we've already answered that.
- ljust said no.
- Hey, what are you doing? I don't know where you come from, but I come from this little place called America, where we got this big thing called electricity.
Word of advice: yourtongue, electricity not a good mix.
- Huh.
- Okay? So, come on, let's rock 'n' roll.
- Hey, Frase, you know - Excuse me, folks.
- I mean, I know what you know You know, and what everybody else knows, and all of that is, um known.
- D-do you know what I'm saying? - I have no idea what you're saying.
[honking.]
[Ray.]
: Come on, Fraser! - Excuse me.
Dief, let's [whimpering.]
- Before I die of waiting - Come on.
- You can burn down my place of employment, you can burn down my bowling alley, you can burn my dance hall.
Sure.
But my place of residence? I don't think so.
- Hold still.
- What are you doing? - It's not important.
What is important is that we try to determine who had a motive forthese fires.
- You always think the obvious? - I've neverthought about it.
Although, you know, my uncle Tiberius, who had a lifelong fascination with cabbage and its northern possibilities - Forget I asked.
- Don't bring up Tiberius.
- Understood.
- That was good, though, measuring the Yank.
- Thank you.
- For what? - For driving the car.
- You're thanking me for driving the car? - One Yank is pretty much like another anyway.
- People are not interchangeable, like snowmobile parts.
- There you go with the obvious again.
- You're right about that.
I think we should go back through our past histories, realizing, of course, that's not something you're equipped to do.
- What do you mean? I can do that.
What about the Bolt brothers? - The Bolt brothers were not arsonists.
They were demented terrorists whose M.
O.
involved impromptu thermonuclear devices.
- Right, right, I'm thinking, uh - Other demented terrorists whose M.
O.
involved impromptu thermonuclear devices? - No, wise guy.
- He's confused.
- Geiger.
- Geiger was an escaped convict, sworn to vengeance on a legendary Mountie who bore an uncanny resemblance to the Canadian actor and comedian, Leslie Nielsen.
- Who has yet to receive the Order of Canada.
- Morgan.
- Bank robbery.
- Herb Colling.
- Aging vigilante.
- Bodine.
- Gun smuggler Although it is interesting, his partner wore a very heavy perfume, the base property I believe to be a combination of camphor and rose.
- What's the connection? - Dief, let's go.
The connection? - Yeah, connection.
- To Bodine, none, otherthan the perfume.
However, I did detect the odour of ambergris, a base common to many perfumes, on the electrical socket outside the Vecchio house.
And the same odour was present in the rubble of my building.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're telling me your apartment building was burnt down as well? - Yes, in all of the excitement, I neglected to mention it.
- Neglected to mention it? - The point is, the odour was present.
I retrieved this from the rubble.
- Great.
So all we gotta do is go around Chicago sticking our noses in people's pits to find somebody with the same smell.
- Well, that's one approach, I suppose.
- Elaine, did you give any thought to Friday? lt'd be a great first date.
Crystal ballroom, the band, martinis, moi.
- No.
- Wait a minute, the perfume is the starter the trigger What the hell is the name of that stuff that, uh, gets the fire going? - The accelerant.
- Accelerant! Don't say anything.
Two-and-a-half years ago, we nailed a painter named Zoltan Motherwell.
At face value, it looked like he was torching his lofts to cash in on the insurance money, right? - Yes, but the trail widened and it revealed itself to be a pattern.
- Right, he was burning down studios, workshops The guy was on a psycho mission against art.
- Yes, and in each case, the accelerant was - Perfume! - Give me five, detective.
- Uh, Fraser, you got ink all over my fingers.
- Terribly sorry.
- What is that all about? - It's just a little thing we do.
- Little thing we do, huh? - Yeah, one of our little things.
- We have a lot of fun, don't we? - Ho-ho-ho, more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
- Very smooth, son.
- Thank you.
- Don't thank me yet.
Zoltan Motherwell's in the Evanston Institution forthe Criminally Insane.
- A dead end.
- Maybe, maybe not.
I got a hunch.
- You have hunches? - That's pretty much all I ever have.
You know that, Fraser.
- What about his teeth? - Oh, I'm working on that.
- Let's go.
You're working on what? - Now stay.
- Okay, this is how we're gonna play this mook: you do the legwork, I'll hang in the background.
- You'd prefer not to be seen.
- I'll be seen when I need to be seen.
- I see.
- "I see," what does that mean? - Nothing.
- No, when someone says "I see," it means something.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- What? - It only takes an extra second to be courteous.
Ah.
Afteryou.
- Afteryou.
- Thank you kindly.
- You're welcome.
- What do you mean? - I mean civility is a quality often overlooked - Not that.
When you said "I see," what did you mean by that? Well, Ray Vecchio arrested Zoltan Motherwell.
Now, if you are Ray Vecchio, he'll recognize you.
If you're not, he won't.
- You're a Doubting Thomas.
You got those files I ordered? - Yeah, here you go.
- You see? We're like a one-two punch, a duet.
You set 'em up, I knock 'em down.
You set 'em up, I knock 'em down.
[music.]
- I have no regrets, Constable.
I now live a life of simplicity and purpose.
I couldn't live like this before, when I was a slave.
You understand me? - I'm afraid I don't.
You were a slave to? - Everything.
To everything.
Canvas, paint, dealers, galleries, fashion, falsehood a slave.
Until Come here.
Closer.
Closer.
- I think this is close enough.
- Until I realized it could be reduced to ashes.
Wiped clean.
- Ah, I understand.
[Ray.]
: I don't believe this.
- Who's he? - He's a detective, apparently.
My problem, Mr.
Motherwell, is that it would appearthat someone is continuing your efforts on a far more personal level.
And my apartment building has been burned down, leaving all of its tenants homeless.
- Oh, that's tragic.
But that's the nature of artistic movements.
I was merely the first great performance arsonist.
Of course there'll be followers, imitators, possibly a school - All right, okay, I've had enough of this.
You see, my friend here, he's Canadian.
He's polite.
He'll let you ramble on about this namby-pamby art crap.
But me I don't know what art is But I know what I like.
And you, dirtball, I don't like.
- Who are you? - Hey, shut yourtrap! You look deep into my eyes.
What do you see? You see the guy? Do you see the guy? The guy that put you in here? Right? Right? Right? Right? Good! Now let's talk about this copycat torch that's walking the streets.
He's got your signature, which means you know the torch.
- How could I possibly have anything to do with this, Detective? I'm incarcerated.
- Okay, I got a phone log here.
Three phone calls made by you, two by pay phone.
One to 555-0188.
That's the district of the Chicago Police Department.
My district.
My department.
My phone.
In fact, I picked up the phone.
Concerning my house! - Possibly.
- "Possibly" Visitors log.
One visitor.
Marked "girlfriend," with no name.
Cough up a name or it's all aboard forfun time, and I'll kick your head all overthis room! - I need to see my attorney.
- You'll see your attorney right after I break your jaw! - Is he gonna hit me? - I think it's probably just a posture.
- I'm gonna break your jaw.
First, let's discuss your girlfriend.
- I've nothing to say.
- Gentlemen! Five - It's ridiculous.
- Four - He's gonna hit me.
- I'm sure it's a posture.
I could be wrong.
- Two One.
- No! Wait, wait, wait.
What do you want to know? - How about a name? - Greta Garbo.
- A real name! - Greta Garbo's her real name! She has an obsession with privacy! She changed it legally.
- Whereabouts? - Last time I talked to her, she lived on Shuter Street, 271.
- Thank you kindly.
- Glad to help.
- That was just a posture, wasn't it? - Yeah, sure.
What's a posture? - Here you go.
[whining.]
- Ray, I found her supply.
- We might be too late.
I think she's planning to switch countries.
"How to Become a Canadian in 10 Easy Steps.
" - The Consulate.
- Step 1: get a big hat.
Step 2: lick electrical sockets.
Step 3 - Constable Turnbull? - Why, that's correct, Sir, I am a constable, and you've reached the Canadian Consulate.
My name is Turnbull - Where are you going? - The Consulate.
- The old Consulate? - There's a new Consulate? attached to the Consulate - Yes.
Something Ray Vecchio would know.
- I knew that.
- Yes, I know who you are, Turnbull.
It's right.
[Turnbull.]
: If you know who I am, Mr.
Wright, I fail to see why you're asking me who I am.
[Fraser.]
: Please put inspector Thatcher on the line.
[static.]
Turnbull Turnbull! That man is We better hurry.
- Hello? [tires squealing.]
Ah, Constable Fraser.
You have impeccable timing.
I would appreciate your opinion.
- Go! - Do you think Her Majesty would be happy here? - Very happy, yes.
Turnbull, have there been any visitors in the office today? Any couriers, any deliveries? - It's been very quiet today, Sir, with the exception of the builders and movers, and a peculiar conversation with someone named Wright.
- That was me, Turnbull.
- Ah, deliberately misidentifying yourself.
- This guy for real? - Very much so, yes.
- I wouldn't go in there, Sir.
The inspector's in a high-level meeting with a man from Scandinavia.
- Would you mind telling me what perfume you're wearing, sir? - Will he bite? - Only if provoked.
- Fraser, what are you doing? - Your perfume, if you wouldn't mind.
- Who are you? - Ray.
Vecchio.
[- Eau de pomme.
.]
- Of course you are, Detective.
- Dief, off.
I'm so terribly sorry, sir.
There's been a horrifying mistake.
- That would be one way of putting it, Fraser.
Let me introduce you to Sven, my interior designer.
Sven, this is Constable Fraser, with whom I would like to have a word in private.
So if you and Detective Vecchio wouldn't mind - I imagine, Sir, that you'd like something resembling an explanation.
- That would be a good idea, Fraser, because at this particular moment, I can assume only one of two things.
Eitheryou are mentally unhinged oryou object on principle to interior designers.
- No, Sir, I only objected to his smell.
- Sven's smell? - Yes, Sir, Sven's smell.
You see, the base property of his cologne was identical to the base property of a perfume that was used as an accelerant in two fires, one at my apartment building and one at the Vecchio house.
And I had reason to believe that the Consulate was the arsonist's next target.
- The arsonist? - Yes, Sir.
It would appear that I am being stalked by a performance arsonist.
- Okay, that would qualify as an explanation.
- Oh, sure, people snigger.
"What use is the monarchy?" they say.
Right then and there, I know they've never experienced the Horse Guard on parade.
- Here they come.
- Who? - The fire department.
- Fire?! [sirens wailing.]
- The torch, she's here.
- May I, uh - Yes.
- Thank you.
Uh, do you mind if I - Good luck.
- May ljust say, Sir, and I'm no expert, but that muted green with the flecks of gold I think would be a wonderful complement to the woodwork, the walls, and your eyes.
- I don't believe it.
She followed us every step of the way.
Up the street from my house, at the mental institution, and now here.
- Sandwich? - We are chasing a torch and you're thinking about food? - We must keep our strength up.
Here, bite down.
Oh, wrong sandwich.
- What was that? - Window putty.
- What else you got? Any pastrami? - No, I'm sorry.
She's headed forthe freeway.
- Look, I'm not blind.
Okay, so now we are following you.
You've been watching your handiwork, but now we are behind you.
Got any roast beef? - I'm afraid not.
And I don't want to be a party pooper, but if she's been following us to witness her handiwork, she can still do that.
- How? We are following her in a car.
- Exactly.
All she has to do is look in her rearview mirror and watch us burst into flames.
- Burst into flames - Stay with the van.
Don't lose her.
- What do you mean? We could go up at any time.
Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? - I'm trying to locate the igniter.
- How about we stop and locate the igniter? - She's a criminal.
Stay the course.
- You know something, you're a freak.
In spite of that, I'll tell you something.
This may not be the best time, but I'd like to say it before we go up in smoke.
I feel a little pink about it, 'cause I realize that nobody talked to you.
Number one, I'm not the guy you think.
Numbertwo, the guy you think I am [horns honking.]
you know, this was not my ambition to be, you know, driving in a Molotov cocktail with a Mountie on the roof and a deaf wolf staring at me like I was an appetizer.
It just was not part of a normal desire.
Not for me, anyway.
I had otherthings in mind.
Fraser! Fra They said he was agile.
He's not agile, he fell off the car.
Hey! Are you with me? - You bet! - Okay, good.
So the upshot is, I go in, they say, "Hey, you want a job?" And, and, uh I go I was weak, I was down.
I say, "Well, I'll think about it.
" I'm thinking about it, and hey, my life's not great at the moment, I think maybe I could use a change of scene, change of luck, go undercover.
They say, "Do you want to work with this guy?" - She's taking the exit! Okay.
simple problem.
That's about it.
I mean, I could say more, but that is how I got here.
So what do you think? - Nothing.
- I spill my guts and "nothing"? - What are you talking about? - What I was just saying, you didn't hear any of it? - Well, no.
With the wind, the speed I'm sorry.
Also, I was unable to locate What is she doing? - She's slowing down.
[blowing horn.]
- No! - Okay, I guess we located the igniter.
Okay, this is where I get out.
- No, we cannot do that.
- Yes, we can.
Our work is done here.
- We stay in the car.
- Fraser, what are you doing? Don't touch my innerthigh or calf.
- Get yourfoot off the brake.
- I'm trying to stop! - You can't! - Not with you holding onto my leg! - Ray, it is too dangerous.
This is a public thoroughfare.
Pedestrians may be afoot.
- Look, I do not risk my neck for anybody.
Look, the car's gonna blow! - No, it is not.
It is very, very, very rare that a car ever actually explodes.
Mental note: equip your vehicle with a fire extinguisher.
- I am all overthat.
- We must find a safe place to deposit this car.
- Parking lot.
- No, it's too crowded.
- How about a park? - There might be children present, family pets.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What? - The stop light.
- You have got to be kidding me.
- I'm afraid not.
This is a serious business.
Traffic fatalities account forthe loss of 41,786 American lives every year.
- Got it! - Good thinking! [yelling.]
- What is this, some kind of superfire? - You shouldn't have pressed the hot-wax option.
- Now what? - The lake they call Michigan.
- Lake Michigan.
- Yes, the lake they call Michigan.
- Lake Michigan.
- All right.
- Straight in? - Straight in.
- Listen, in case something happens, ljust want you to know it's been a pleasure meeting you.
- Ah, so you admit we've never met.
- I'm not admitting anything.
- Give him some ground, son.
- Why? - 'Cause there's nothing to admit.
- He's not bad, for a Yank.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.
- We're getting closer.
- I can see that.
- I'll say goodbye now.
- I'll speak to you later.
[Ray.]
: You bet.
It's been weird, but it's been a pleasure.
- Likewise.
Let's lock our load.
- Lock [and.]
load.
- Lock and load, I'm sorry.
[Diefenbaker whining.]
[grumbling.]
Ray.
- Okay.
- He's a fine painter.
- Lowerthe gun, Ms.
Garbo.
- A great artist.
- Like he said, put the gun down.
- And I'm carrying on his work.
- I said put the gun down.
- Ray Ray! Ray! - Ta-da! [cackling.]
- A vest.
- You called me Ray.
- No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.
- It was a mistake.
Come on.
- You know I'm Ray.
Don't fight it, Benton buddy.
- You are not Ray.
You don't even look like him.
- Could have had plastic surgery.
- You could also be unhinged.
- I got papers to prove it.
- I don't want to see them.
- I'm Ray! - If you're Ray, where were you born? - That smarts, when you get shot.
- Ah, see? See? [knocking.]
Lieutenant, if I could have just one moment of yourtime, I'll be gone before you can say "Jimmy crack corn.
" - Uh, Rudolph, would you please Sir, I'll confess, at first I was a little worried that maybe I had a hole in my bag of marbles So I did an impromptu investigation.
I would like to present in evidence These are the registered fingerprints.
And these are the fingerprints of the man in question.
They do not match.
This is an official dental record.
This is a cast I had made of the suspect's teeth.
They do not match.
The shoe size is also inconsistent, and finally, as you can see, the suspect's nose is fully 7 millimetres smallerthan Ray Vecchio's.
In conclusion, this man is not Raymond Vecchio.
- Constable, you have an uncanny power of observation.
- Thank you.
- Of course he's not Ray Vecchio.
I've been trying to get to you to talk to you about this.
There's an operation going on.
This operation comes from way up the ladder.
Details are kind of sketchy, but all we need to know is Ray Vecchio has gone deep undercover with the mob.
Now, to protect his identity, we have to make believe that this guy is Ray Vecchio.
- I see.
Lieutenant, have you by any chance heard from Ray? - Oh, no.
No.
And I don't expect to either.
- I understand.
- Listen, Constable, I want you to give this guy a fair shot.
He's a real good cop.
And on your way out, send in my accountant.
- Understood.
- Thank you.
Ah, Rudolph.
- Hey, Fraser.
This was on my desk.
It's foryou.
What do you make of it? - It's a message.
- Something I should worry about? - No, no.
No, everything's all right.
Everything is actually fine.
- Okay, well - Hey, Ray Would you, uh Would you like to go and get something to eat with me? - Yeah, uh ljust gotta I'll put away these files and I'll meet you at the car.
- All right.
Good.
- You want my opinion? - Do I have any choice? - He's a good man.
- I think you're right.
- We have to find somewhere to live.
- What do you mean "we"? - That's a cruel joke, son.
I think I need an office.
- What the hell would you do with an office? - Office work, memoirs, my taxes.
- Taxes? You've been dead fortwo years.
- They find you, son, they find you.
High winds in northern sky Will carry you away You know you have to leave here You wish that you could stay There's four directions on this map But you're only going one way Due South That's the way I'm going Due South Saddle up my travelling shoes I'm bound to walk away these blues