George Lopez (2002) s03e01 Episode Script

Baby, quick.
Who's the most powerful man in the world? You are.
You're the most powerful man in the world and I have been naughty, but I'm in the middle of something, okay? I'm talking about the president of the United States.
George W.
Bush is giving a speech at the factory.
I'm meeting the president, Angie.
Oh, my God.
- Why is he coming to Powers Aviation? - He's campaigning for more defense spending.
And half the factory's Latino.
We're desirable now.
Mom, one day, we'll put a Latino in the White House.
And it'll still be white, but with, like, blue trim.
Little ceramic ducks in the front yard.
Every morning, the president will drop by the paint store and pick up his secretary of state, Chato.
This is so exciting.
I can't wait.
I'm gonna meet the president of the United States.
No, no, no.
This is just for us workers.
Bad news.
Since I'll be on camera behind the president the Powers brothers want me to look more respectable.
They're making me cut my hair.
Oh, no.
What am I going to hold on to? Not my lunch.
For 15 years I had to keep my hair short so my head wouldn't get sucked in the punch press.
But I'm a manager now, and this hair says that I play by my own rules.
I might play guitar.
You don't know me.
Honey, that's okay.
Because you know what's sexier than a guy with long hair? A guy with short hair who's going to meet the president.
Mama.
Now, you're talking about me, right? Hey, as long as you're getting things cut why don't you do something about that skid mark on your chin? Yeah, I'll shave mine when you shave yours.
I better make an appointment with Lionel.
Oh, hey, hey.
Don't call his barber shop.
It's closed down.
He's cutting hair over at my beauty salon now.
Now I gotta sit around La Casa de Coiffures and listen to old bats talk about how, ay, Erik Estrada, he still looks good, ay.
Hey, what does this junk do? - That hides blemishes.
- Oh.
You got anything that'll hide 30 years of smoke and tequila back-splash? The La Marie paper bag? Come on.
I need some new makeup.
You know, the president's coming.
You don't care about the president.
Oh, my God.
You've got a man.
Shut up.
Come on.
Spill it.
Who is he and where'd you meet? - Come on, tell me.
- All right.
His name is Randy.
He works a forklift at the factory.
Is it serious? Would I be asking you about this whore paint if it wasn't? Benny, I am so happy for you.
I think it's great when two people your age My age? I don't think so.
Randy is 42.
I don't want some old guy where foreplay is somebody yelling out "Clear!" If anybody's gonna get paddled, it's gonna be me.
Well, the heart wants what the heart wants.
And George is okay with this? Hey, you know what? He doesn't know.
Benny, you better tell him.
Why? I don't need his permission.
He never asked me about any of the girls he dated.
I didn't like any of those tramps he brought home.
- Before you.
- Mm.
Ahem.
Do I look good or what, eh? You look like the pit boss at a Indian casino.
Kids, get out here! Where did you get an American-flag tie? Oh, I borrowed it from one of my buddies at work.
He's a Sikh.
He keeps it in the locker in case there's a terrorist attack.
What's going on, Dad? Might wanna see what your father's gonna look like when he meets the president of the United States.
- What? - That's right.
George Bush is coming to speak at the factory, and I'll be standing next to him, representing.
Ytodo, I'm gonna be like this, eh: I can't believe you're excited about the president.
You didn't vote for him.
Hey, hey, young lady.
I didn't vote for anybody.
- Then why do you care about meeting him? - Do you know where I come from? Carmen, I used to swim in my underwear because I couldn't afford a swimsuit.
Now I'm gonna meet the leader of the free world.
That means a lot to me.
Dad, you still swim in your underwear.
Well, that's my choice now.
I wouldn't wanna meet a president who's wasting money on bombs and tanks when there are hungry, sick people.
Hey, that wasted money is spent on planes that I make and that puts food on this table.
How can you sleep knowing you help bomb babies? Carmen, Carmen, we don't make the bombs.
We make the landing gear so the planes can come back and reload.
- Read the shirt, Dad.
- What? "Smart Bombs Are Dumb.
" Wow.
I didn't realize how powerful a rhinestone T-shirt could be.
You don't get it, Dad.
Everyone hates us because we're always starting wars.
Iraq, Vietnam, World War I, World War II, the Civil War.
I'm embarrassed to be from America.
Well, trust me, America's not bragging about you either, kid.
You don't know what you're talking about and don't get what a great country this is.
Where else can a second-generation Mexican-American factory worker who can't name his congressman and who ignores all his jury summons meet the president of the United States? Next time you buy stamps, forget about Lucy and Desi.
Get the one with the flags.
I'm ready también.
Carmen, you don't know how good you have it here.
My uncles are in jail in Cuba because they dared to express their opinions.
- That's not why they're in jail.
- I'm making a point.
Okay.
Well, since I can express myself I'm going down to the factory and protest the president's speech.
- Oh, you do and I'll kill you.
- George.
No, I'm serious.
I'll kill you.
- You better not show up at the factory.
- I'm a political prisoner now? This is America, okay? People fought and died for that right.
I thought you just said war was wrong.
Yeah, but this is different - Hi, Benny.
- Sylvia.
Oh, my God.
Is that Georgie? What's it been, 25 years? What's up, Sylvia? Last time I saw you, you were crying.
Every time I saw you, you were crying.
Because every time you saw me, she was my mom.
- Come.
Let me look at you.
- She's calling you.
- I ain't going over there.
- Go.
That's your friend.
She ain't my friend.
Look at you.
You're all grown up now.
I heard you tracked down that deadbeat dad of yours and decked him.
I dropped him with one punch.
But that's not something I'm proud of.
I just, you know handled my business.
Good for you.
You still wet the bed? You told her? I tell everybody.
That's how I break the ice.
- George, what's up, brother? - What's happening, Lionel? All right.
- Hey, what happened to your shop? - Hey, this is great.
Besides, the price was right and I get a chance to hang out with all the bonita señoritas.
And I get a little taste of that every now and then.
- What else are we doing today, Benny? - Just a manicure and a reading.
Okay.
Do you have a question for the tarot? I wanna know if it's gonna work out between me and Randy.
Mm.
I see obstacles.
The fool card in the past position.
That's George.
He was always jealous of the guys I dated.
If I didn't slip him a little bourbon in his sippy cup now and then I never would have gone out.
- Does he like the guy? - He doesn't know.
- You've got to tell George.
- Yeah.
What if I don't, okay? It's the death card, Benny.
If you don't tell him, your relationship will die.
Oh, wait.
How do I know these voodoo cards are talking about me? The empress.
The nurturing mother.
Oh, my God.
That's me.
Hey, George, I'm thinking about dating again, so get used to it.
What? Who told you that, Sylvia? George, I'm not kidding.
I've been alone too long.
- Mom, where are you gonna find a guy? - Oh, I don't know.
Come on, there's about 50 guys to pick from at the plant.
George, don't be surprised if someday I come back from break with a smile on my face and my dress on backwards.
No, no.
No guys from the factory.
I don't want this affecting your work.
Besides, you're five years away from wearing your dress backwards anyways.
So, what are we doing? Oh, well, start cutting.
I'll say "when.
" Oh, no, I'm not cutting that beautiful mane.
Man, you have to.
My bosses want me to look more respectable.
Hey, Lionel, I'm meeting President Bush.
All right.
But I'm not doing it for the president.
I'm doing it for Condoleezza.
Because I'd like to get a little taste of that.
That's nice.
And thanks to the people of Powers Aviation people like George Lopez, Bill Johnson and LaTonya Harris our nation is more secure and our world more peaceful.
- I said get a haircut.
- I did.
- It looks the same.
- Jack, I can't go any shorter, man.
This is the volume I want and the control I need.
Shh! Hey, it wasn't me.
The president just shushed me.
Shh.
I wish I had a sippy cup of bourbon right now.
You know, we don't have to listen to this.
I got the key to the storage closet.
Get off me.
I don't want George to see us.
Benny, I've known George for a long time.
Now I feel like I'm lying to him.
No, you're not lying to him.
I'm lying to him.
He's used to that.
Benny, I can't even decorate my locker with pictures of you getting all soapy washing my truck because George might see.
I want the guys to know so they'll stop saying bad things about you in front of me.
That's so sweet.
I'll tell him tomorrow.
I'd like to thank Jack Powers for inviting me here today.
No more war.
No more war.
Not in my name, Mr.
President.
Not in my name.
No more war! Shame on you, Mr.
President.
Shame, shame, shame! Shame on you! Shame! Shame! Well, that's the great thing about this nation.
You don't have to agree with me.
God bless the folks at Powers Aviation and God bless America.
- Damn it, can't you control your daughter? - I told her not to come down here.
The schools, democracy, Martin Sheen.
It's all working against me.
Great speech, Mr.
President.
Very sorry about that outburst.
Thanks for your support.
I'm sorry too, Mr.
President.
That was my daughter.
But I guess you know about crazy daughters.
Ah, thanks for your support, amigo.
Hey, I'm the guy you shushed.
Ha, ha.
Well, okay, then.
Thanks for your support.
Okay.
Let's go.
I hope my mom held Carmen in the parking lot for me.
Hey, whoa, George, check it out.
The president left his speech.
Hey, he mentioned me.
My name's in that speech.
You could give it back to him and make up for what Carmen did.
Or I could punish the hell out of Carmen and keep the speech as a souvenir.
- Let's do that.
- No, you can't do that.
That's, like, government property.
They put that stuff in the presidential library.
"Presidential library.
" Trust me, it's no big deal.
Just be casual.
Pretend we're having a conversa What are we gonna talk about? Like, movies or sports? I'm not good under pressure.
I can't do this.
Don't make me do this.
Forget it.
I got the speech.
Oh, okay.
Ha, ha.
We got a code 63 on POTUS' speech.
It means we go after whoever stole the president's speech.
Come on, new guy.
Learn the codes.
- Carmen! - Don't hurt her.
I'm not having another one.
What the hell were you thinking? - I told you to stay away from the factory.
- I obeyed my conscience.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Do you have any idea how annoying you are right now? You know what? You're grounded.
For a month.
That's not fair.
Mom, please.
You understand, right? Sometimes you break rules to stand up for what you believe in.
Carmen, we love that you were thinking for yourself.
But there is a time and a place for everything.
And that time and place is not at my work.
You could have jeopardized my job.
If you had listened to the president's speech you would have learned something about honor and dignity and how this country is strong because of the quiet decency of working people.
And God bless the folks at Powers Aviation and God bless America! Wow, you really paid attention to his speech.
No, I stole it.
George, you get a chance to meet the president of the United States and you steal something from him? - My name's in it.
You wanna see? - Hell, yes.
It's not okay to speak your mind to the president but it's okay to steal from him? Here's the difference.
He doesn't know I stole it.
Max, can you get the door? I'm with the Secret Service.
Are your parents here? I can't let strangers in the house.
Do you have ID? Please get your parents.
Anyone can make one of those.
My dad has one that says he's a bikini inspector.
Get your parents.
Hey, Dad? The Secret Service is here.
You see? This is what happens when you mess with the president of the United States of America.
- George Lopez.
- Special Agent Saunders.
I know what this is about.
I wanna apologize for my daughter, okay? She was out of line.
She'll never speak out again.
You can silence me, but there are more voices out there.
That's right.
It only takes one snoawlake to start an avalanche.
Take her away.
Actually, I'm here about the president's speech.
It's been stolen.
A speech, you say? This is the first I've heard of it.
Um, why don't you kids go upstairs, huh? Upstairs, you say.
Well, it's the first I've heard of it.
Go.
Please.
Mr.
Lopez, since you were the plant manager maybe you heard somebody talk about taking it.
Oh.
No.
Do you have any leads? Well, after the speech, one of our men thought he saw a large Mexican woman near the podium.
Excuse me, uh, officer.
What would happen to the person who did this if they were caught? Well, that speech is federal property.
Stealing it's a felony.
Look, if you hear of anything, let me know.
No problem.
Hey, good luck trying to find the speech.
I don't need luck.
My sole mission is to return that speech to the White House.
Evening.
What are you thinking? Why didn't you give him the speech back? Come on, Angie, you heard the man.
They got nothing.
Secret Service, está loco.
In the last month, I've punched out my dad, I got the president's speech.
I think I'm finally turning the corner here.
Sho! So no one else knows you stole it? Nope.
Just you guys and Ernie.
And every woman Ernie's told.
"Hey, my best friend stole the president's speech.
Would you go out with me? Ha, ha.
Oh, okay.
Sorry to bother you.
Ha, ha.
" Dude, what'd you tell the Secret Service? - I didn't tell them nothing.
- Good.
I thought you'd crack once they started questioning you about the speech.
The Secret Service is gonna question me about the speech? - Shh, shh, shh! - I don't want the president mad at me, George.
- I don't wanna go on that deck of cards.
- Ernie, relax.
They got nothing, right? You gotta be more like me.
Be cool.
Ice water.
George, these gentlemen wanna talk to you.
The speech is at my house! It's in a plastic bag taped behind the toilet! We're not here about a speech.
Then why am I being arrested? I didn't do anything.
You're under arrest for assaulting your father, Manny Lopez.
Okay, I might've done that.
Hello, America, I'm George Lopez.
The actual idea for the story, the show you just saw me taking the president's speech, happened in real life.
I was invited to perform at the White House, and President Bush, after he spoke I looked down at the podium and there was the speech with my name in it y todo.
I put it in my pocket and the Secret Service was looking for me.
I said, "You know what? How do they know I took it?" They came up to me and said, "Mr.
Lopez?" And I said, "It's in the car!"