Home Economics (2021) s03e01 Episode Script

1
Camila, we're gonna be late
for Uncle Connor's.
Go help the twins
put their zapatos on, ándale.
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
Hey, honey.
I'm trying out new glasses
for my author photo.
Be honest.
Which ones do you prefer, option A
or option B?
Obviously, these are
a little more serious,
and these are a little more,
"Hello, sassy."
Honey, those are the same glasses.
No, I think they're
oh, they're exactly the same.
Well, serious it is. [FRIDGE RATTLES]
They'll obviously work a lot better
once the lenses are in them.
- What are we bringing to brunch?
- Muffins.
I'm just waiting for the ding.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Phew.
Pretending to make muffins is hard work.
Kelvin, Shamiah, hurry up!
We're gonna be late for Uncle Connor's!
Why are you yelling? We're right here.
We're always right here.
This place is tiny.
The word is cozy, okay?
- And can you help us with this?
- Don't we have enough granola?
You can never have too much granola.
♪
We have too much granola.
Gretchen, where are you?
Your cousins are here!
Gre you know what?
I'm just gonna text her.
Ho!
Let's brunch it up.
Come on in.
Yay, more granola.
- Yes, they have cake!
- What?
Why do we even bother bringing stuff?
Yeah, why did I bake
these assorted muffins?
Okay, you're not fooling anyone.
[CHUCKLES]
More coffee?
Oh, thank you.
I can't wait for school and
daycare to start next month.
I love my children, I do.
I just sometimes wish they were far away
- for long periods of time.
- [CHUCKLES]
Anyway, how's your baby plan going?
Well, you know,
we're in the money-saving mode
and still trying to explain it
to the kids.
So it's called reciprocal IVF.
The doctor takes one of my eggs,
and then the egg is fertilised
by the sperm
of the donor of our choice.
And then the whole thing
is implanted into Sarah's womb.
Any questions?
Why'd you ruin my croissant?
- What's sperm?
- Okay, you should go play.
Eh, I'll still eat it.
Connor, these are amazing.
Are these from Morningstar's?
Yep, your favourite.
Waited in line myself.
Hey, how's it going
with your new publishing firm?
Great, yeah, just getting ready
for the release of Tom's book.
You know, doing some streamlining,
some rightsizing.
Yeah, I don't care.
When are you gonna tell Tom
that you're his boss?
He still thinks the company was bought
by some Dutch media firm.
Well, on paper, it was.
Just rip the Band-Aid off, okay?
Denise and I do not want
to be the only ones
who know this secret.
- You're not.
- I'm gonna tell him today.
Why do you think I got
his favourite pastries?
Put him in the best possible mood.
Peak happiness.
Some more "hwa-sonts"?
Connor, even the coffee
is fantastic this morning.
Light roast half caff, bud,
just how you like it.
[CELL PHONE DINGS]
Yeah, so, Tom,
there's something I've been
meaning to talk to you about
- Oh, no.
- What now?
Sorry, it's just,
my editor, Regina Choi.
She's being forced to do another
round of budget cuts.
Oh, probably rightsizing, you know?
Yeah, definitely rightsizing.
This is gonna screw up the book launch.
I just know it.
It's this new owner, Hans Dutchman?
He's making too many changes.
- Hans Dutchman?
- He almost sounds fake.
Ugh, well, there goes my day.
Sorry, what were you talking about?
Oh, um, I was just
gonna tell you that, um
We're going to Disneyland.
- What?
- Yeah.
Are you serious? For real life?
- Isn't that something?
- What?
- That's incredible.
- Oh, my God!
Yes!
Connor, you chickened out.
No, I pivoted, okay?
I will tell him
at the happiest place on Earth.
- Yes, yes, yes!
- [SCREAMING]
Okay, that might actually work.
[SCREAMING]
You got big, big energy ♪
It ain't too many of them
that can handle me ♪
But I might let you try it
off the Hennessy ♪
Wow, so this is Disneyland Resort.
How have you never been here
when you grew up in San Diego?
Well, my dad didn't believe
in vacation, or even weekends.
He said Saturday was something
white people made up.
Hm.
So I packed your lunches.
Of course, there's plenty of granola.
And don't lose your water bottles.
You can each get one souvenir,
but you have to use
your own allowance, okay?
Uh, what's Gretchen's allowance?
Connor, how?
We haven't even gone in yet.
We had a little pregame
at Downtown Disney.
Okay, who's ready to have some fun?
I used the Disneyland app
to draw up a schedule.
It's colour coded and easy to follow.
You'll see I broke the day down
into ten-minute blocks
to maximise our ride time,
and there is one floating snack break.
Wow, it's gonna be fun.
Look, I have almost 40 years
to make up for, okay?
And there's nothing my dad
can do about it okay,
we're already behind.
Scratch off the morning bathroom break.
Marina, I drank all that apple juice.
Connor. [CLEARS THROAT]
I'm gonna tell him, okay?
I just have to time it out
perfectly, all right?
Wait till the moment of peak happiness.
Mm-hmm, you should probably wait
till after he pees then.
Seriously, Marina, I should
not get on a ride like this.
And if your girl ain't
right, I got the remedy ♪
It ain't too many of them
that can handle me ♪
Got that big, big energy ♪
Keep your eyes open.
There are over 400 Hidden Mickeys here.
They're all over the park.
Oh, I think there's one
by that lamppost.
- It's in the wires!
- That's right, very good.
I see one.
Aww.
Hidden Mickeys, Camila.
We'll work on it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Aww, look at this.
Aww, dare we dip into the baby fund?
This would be so much easier
if Windmount Academy
just covered IVF.
I actually emailed them last week
about their crappy health plan.
I bet they would cover it
if our Lamborghini got sick.
Yeah, they said that
they can't help us have a baby,
but that our kids would get
a reduced tuition to the school,
as if we would ever use that.
[GASPS] Pride Stitch.
- How reduced?
- Hm?
How big is
the employee tuition discount?
Oh, like 90%,
but, I mean, it doesn't matter.
We're public school people.
[AS STITCH] Ohana means family.
Oh, there's another
Hidden Mickey near the water!
That's six so far.
I see one over there.
That's a moose, not a mouse.
Yeah, I know.
Apparently, they're slashing
the sales budget now.
I mean, no one's even met
this new owner.
Tom, someone at the level
of Hans Dutchman,
he's probably really busy,
and the company was going bankrupt.
He's trying to save the place.
I mean, I assume.
I guess. It just stresses me out.
Hey, today's supposed to be about fun.
Don't bring your dumb book into this.
Okay, well, I wouldn't say dumb,
but yeah, you're right.
Today's supposed to be fun.
Let's have fun.
Yeah, come on.
- Okay.
- Come on.
This is how we do it ♪
[BOTH SCREAMING]
This is how we do it ♪
[MONTELL JORDAN'S
"THIS IS HOW WE DO IT"]
♪
Shabada lo lo lo, whoa ♪
This is how we do it ♪
[VOCALISING]
♪
This is how we do it ♪
It's Friday night ♪
And I feel all right ♪
The party's here on the West Side ♪
Yeah, this is how we do it ♪
♪
My suit's better.
All right, Tom, you want
a photo with Spider-Man?
No, I'm not a fan.
This is how we do it ♪
♪
Oh, wow.
Chewie, we're home.
Oh, is that FN-2199?
- Hands off, Rebel scum.
- Oh, yes, sir.
- He called me Rebel scum.
- Yeah.
- I heard it, champ.
- Can I
Get out there.
[MELLOW MUSIC]
Aww, so cute.
You can enjoy this for 20 more seconds.
Go.
Hey, about what you said earlier,
I think maybe we should at least discuss
the Windmount tuition offer.
- What, really?
- Yeah, it's a good school.
And I'm kind of surprised
you didn't mention it before.
Well, I'm kind of surprised
you're surprised.
That's surprising.
Well, I mean, sure, I work at Windmount,
but philosophically,
we support public schools.
Ladies, ladies.
Tom and Connor are already
at Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge,
and I'm sensing a pre-fight buildup,
so maybe we just quickly let it out
Or no, better yet, we stuff it back in.
Come on, kids!
Look, you know I love being
a public school teacher,
but it is a struggle.
Our globes are just painted basketballs.
And Windmount has everything.
Yeah, like a croquet team
and a water fountain
that has still and sparkling.
Kelvin loves his school,
and it's the best in the district,
but this new school Shamiah's starting
has no arts program.
There's a high teacher turnover,
and their library's
just old Archie comics.
But Shamiah is not the type of kid
to go to a private school, okay?
She's not some princess.
I bought a wand.
I rest my case.
You can't just rest your case.
I have a say in this.
Shamiah has two mums, remember?
We bought her a whole book about it.
I can't believe
you're even considering this.
I think you're being shortsighted.
I think you're being a bad liberal.
[BOTH GASP]
Okay, if I'm so bad,
I guess I'll go hang out
with the evil stepsisters.
♪
Oh!
Oh, oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Oh, dude, this video is insane.
Uh-oh, he's gone full dark side.
[LAUGHS]
You know, my schedule built in time
for a Tom-Connor argument.
We didn't even need it. [LAUGHS]
The night is still young.
What does that mean?
Doesn't mean anything.
You said that with a certain intonation.
- What kind of intonation?
- "I know a secret" intonation.
- Did I?
- You did it again.
Connor is being awfully nice to Tom.
It's like he's trying to butter
him up for something.
He keeps distracting him
every time Tom brings up the
problems with the publisher
Oh, my God, he's Hans Dutchman.
Now that I say it out loud,
it's obviously Connor.
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
- R2!
- [BEEPING]
Hey, R2.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- [BEEPING]
- [GRUNTING]
- Oh, Chewbacca!
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
So, uh, I know what you did for Tom.
Yeah, bought him the second
most expensive lightsaber.
Uh-uh, you bought his book publisher.
You're Hans Dutchman.
Okay, fine, but I'm telling him today.
- You will do no such thing.
- What?
But that's the whole reason we're here.
Not for me, no.
You're gonna ruin
my perfectly-planned day.
You need to keep it zipped.
No, but this is the moment.
Now is the time.
- He's at peak happiness.
- And he's going to stay that way.
Oh, no!
How'd he get his phone back?
Guess who's leaving Choi Books?
- Regina Choi.
- What?
I didn't know that.
And why would I, right?
Because she thinks she's
a bad fit with this new owner.
But it's her company.
I know. It's bad.
It's very, very, very,
very, very, very bad.
- Well, no, I mean
- Remember how much fun
- We're at Disneyland.
- We were having?
- Best brothers.
- Yeah.
It's this Hans Dutchman idiot.
He's ruining everything.
Okay, pump the breaks.
Maybe the Dutchman guy
is trying to help the book.
Have you considered that?
Uh, no.
Oh, my God, are you siding
with the rich guy?
You always do that.
Why don't you ever take my side?
Oh, you have no idea
how much I'm taking your side.
Sure doesn't sound like it.
Oh, yeah. [LIGHTSABERS WHOOSH]
- Oh, yeah?
- Guys.
Guys okay.
It's like at every turn,
you want me to fail.
You don't know what
you're saying right now, man.
I only want what's best for you.
What's best for me?
What's best for me?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What makes you think
you know what's best for me?
'Cause you make more money?
Why's it always about that?
You're freaking out.
And you don't even know the truth
about your own publisher.
I know enough.
♪
Tom.
I am your publisher.
No!
That's impossible!
Sorry you had to see this, Chewie.
[GRUNTING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Excuse me.
Can I get a Yub Nub?
Make it a double, a Yub Yub Nub Nub?
No okay.
Oh, my God, he's gonna ruin my books.
What makes him think
he can be a publisher?
He doesn't even read.
She thinks I'm a bad liberal?
Last week, I saw her recycle a bottle
without even rinsing it.
She thought I didn't notice,
but I noticed.
Hey, guys.
- Denise, how's the Blue Bantha?
- Delicious.
Okay.
Hey, well, the kids are already
in line with Lupe.
Should we get going?
- Not with Connor.
- Not with Sarah.
She wants to be a private school family?
I mean, what happened
to our core beliefs?
It's like half
our bumper stickers are a lie.
You know what he is? Ungrateful.
Yeah, I gave up my seat
on a space shuttle
to bail him out.
I mean, technically,
I could afford both.
It was a good year, but still.
Hey, gang, cheers.
Okay, look, I know tensions are high,
but there's a lot left
on the ol' schedule.
Yeah, I think we're good right here.
- Yeah.
- Okay, enough.
My beautiful schedule
has been destroyed.
We will no longer have time for
Luigi's Rollickin' Roadsters.
We can just forget about
the Mark Twain Riverboat.
But I will be damned
if I miss Millennium Falcon:
Smugglers Run.
I don't care if you just sit there
and you don't talk,
but we are getting on that ride.
I guess it did make the Kessel Run
in less than 12 parsecs.
Save it for the ride, Tom.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Come on.
How many in your flight crew?
It's four adults and one Dutch liar.
It's five.
I feel like you're pushing me.
I'm not pushing. I just think
it's an important topic to discuss.
No, you're, like,
physically crowding me.
[SCOFFS]
And you're a solo rider?
Oh, yep, I'm a Han Solo rider.
[CHUCKLING]
Just a little Star Wars humour.
Okay, then the six of you
are our red team.
Go red team!
Huh? Uh-huh.
So hi, I'm Donna.
I'm Marina, and this is my family.
By marriage.
Okay, so have you guys
done this ride before?
We're gonna need two pilots,
two gunners, two engineers.
Who wants to be what?
Oh, Connor,
why don't you be the publisher?
Well, that's not one of the roles.
Yeah, Tom, clearly, you know
nothing about Star Wars.
Oh, really? What does AT-AT stand for?
BOTH: All Terrain Armoured Transport.
Who's the loser now?
So, um, how about you?
Gunner's the most fun.
Oh, no, thank you.
I don't really like violence.
But you know, Denise,
I don't think I even know
where you stand on violence.
Oh, I love violence.
Super.
All right, red team,
let's get you guys ready to fly.
Do you think that
I could maybe trade teams?
Seems to be a little bit
of space over there on blue.
The Resistance needs you here.
Let's get our pilots
in the front please.
Got a bad feeling about this.
Oh, we're on the Millennium Falcon!
This is so exciting.
Isn't this exciting?
[ENGINE DRONING]
- Are you trying to crash us?
- Oh, now you want my help?
We need to go get that cargo!
Who's ready to jump to lightspeed?
No one?
Are they always like this?
Sorry you got stuck with us.
We're a lost cause.
No, don't you give up too.
Gunners, you need to fire.
Am I allowed to play the game?
- Or are you just gonna judge me?
- Oh, I don't know.
I'm not allowed to have
an opinion, apparently.
Oh!
- Tom!
- Connor!
- It was him!
- That was him!
People, please!
You're not even trying.
This is supposed to be fun.
You're a family on vacation together.
And you're acting like
you'd rather be apart.
Don't you understand that
what you have is special?
Not everyone has what you have.
- The lady's right.
- It's Donna.
We've been taking
our alliance for granted.
Now let's go make sure
that the First Order
doesn't find our secret base on Batuu.
Yeah!
Whatever she said.
Let's do this!
To infinity and beyond!
Okay, not technically Star Wars,
but I'll allow it.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
TIE fighters at 3:00!
Very hot, honey.
Yes, violence!
Down, down, down, down!
[ALL YELLING]
- Hang to the right!
- You're like a Jedi.
I've done this ride five times today.
Strap in and prepare to make
the jump to lightspeed.
♪
[ALL YELLING]
♪
Hey, I'm really sorry
for calling you a bad liberal.
That's like the worst thing
I could ever say to anyone.
Pretty sure you've called Connor worse.
Like, when you found out
he doesn't vote.
Oh, I can't even talk about that.
Look, this whole private school thing,
it's not just about ethics, okay?
Shamiah is so special,
and I'm just afraid
that if she goes to Windmount
with all of those rich kids,
she's gonna feel less than.
I mean, I feel that way
sometimes working there.
Well, I don't want that either.
Maybe we should just ask her about it.
You mean, instead of just,
like, yammering at each other?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
Thanks.
Look, I'm sorry I lied.
I mean, obviously, Hans Dutchman
was a really great name,
really believable name,
but I should have been honest.
No, come on, man, I'm the one
who should be apologising to you.
I owe you literally everything.
The book wasn't gonna come out,
and you stepped up.
You would have done
the same thing for me.
100%.
- If you had any money.
- Well, sure.
- Business sense.
- Okay.
- Connections.
- Okay, we got it, man.
We got it.
[CHUCKLES]
I mean, Windmount does have
a real theatre department.
Yeah, thanks to your mum
and "Unsung Sheroes."
[CLEARS THROAT]
A musical celebration
of groundbreaking women
from Sacagawea to Sotomayor.
So if you think we could afford it,
then I guess.
Wait, oh, my God,
are you going to my school?
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, my God!
Aw. [LAUGHS]
Well, I guess we're dipping
into the baby fund.
Yeah, but we gotta spend
on the kids we already have,
not just the one that's coming later.
I did get something
for that one too though.
[GASPS] Oh, Lulu!
[LAUGHING] It's so tiny!
- It's so gay.
- So gay.
Yeah, it's our thing.
Donna!
Oh! Hey, Marina.
I just wanted to thank you again.
What you said in there really helped.
Oh, I was just trying
to make Chewbacca proud.
Anyway, I know you're here by yourself,
but you're always welcome
to hang out with the Hayworths.
- Oh, that means a lot.
- Donna?
Damn it, they found me.
Hey, baby.
Donna, where did you go?
I went to get popcorn,
and then I couldn't find you.
That was like hours ago.
Was it?
You know what, who wants ice cream?
You guys need ice cream.
Stay right there.
I'll be right back.
- Mum, wait!
- Hey, come on.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
Legend. [FIREWORKS WHOOSHING]
[CHEERING]
[EXCITING MUSIC]
♪
A Hidden Mickey!
There's my girl.
Oh!
Whoo!
♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
My favourite's probably
the Minnie Mouse gloves.
Then the Ariel phone case.
And then the Ursula phone case
for when I'm feeling naughty.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, and the lightsaber.
I got this for you.
Oh, thank you so much.
Okay, enough with the toys.
It's been a long day.
- Come on, it's time for bed.
- Okay.
[CHUCKLES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[LIGHTSABER WHOOSHES]
♪
Not bad.