Just Good Friends (1983) s03e01 Episode Script
Paris
This is typical of the French.
They couldn't build a nice little tower.
They had to build a bloody great big one.
Why couldn't that Warrender girl have met me somewhere on the ground? It s because I've got a fear of heights and she s got a cruel streak.
Oh.
Excuse me.
After all this time, she s still punishing me.
What s wrong with you, Pinner? You re going halfway to the moon for a divorced vegetarian who bears a grudge.
What a pathetic little person you re making yourself look.
On the one hand, here you are working for one of Europe s largest advertising agencies, in a position of well, yes considerable responsibility, and power.
Well, maybe not power.
But here you are, waiting for a man you know won't arrive.
He was supposed to meet you here a year ago but he didn't turn up then.
You are waiting for a man who is a year late.
I'll give him another five minutes and that s all.
Oh.
Cor, that was silly.
Still, at least the garlic s fresher up here.
He didn't even have the decency to phone me personally to ask whether it was convenient to visit me.
No, he just left a message with my secretary.
'Monsieur Pinner will meet you on Thursday at 12 o clock.
' Not a hint of an apology for not turning up last year.
I wonder if he s changed.
I mean, it s been two years.
Two years! He may have altered out of all recognition.
He might be bald.
And fat.
He might be a big, fat bald guy with dentures.
Oh, God! Silly! Why don't you just leave the past where it is? Go now.
Otherwise you may end up feeling the way you used to feel.
The way he used to make you feel.
I'll give him another ten minutes.
Hello.
Hi.
How are you doing? Vernon Caudhill.
Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Oh, how do you do? Is this your first trip to gay Paree, too? Oh, no, no, I live here.
Oh, well, maybe you can show me some of the sights, huh? Er, yes.
Er, no.
No, no.
I m extremely busy.
Oh, good Lord.
Is that the time? - I must fly.
- Well, how about dinner? I have appointments, lots and lots of appointments.
Some other time, then.
Mm, yes.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, honey.
Oh, yeah.
Hello, Paris.
- Hey, man, this place is something else.
- Absolutely.
You know, I've been in Paris exactly two hours and already a cute chick has tried to pick me up.
- Can you believe that? - No.
I can't wait to tell the boys back home.
It s never happened to me before.
I can believe that.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, fella! I almost missed you.
Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the lift.
- Well? - Yeah.
You? No, Vince.
Don't you think I deserve some sort of explanation? You were supposed to meet me here last year.
- You are exactly 12 months late.
- Yeah, well, I m sorry about that, Pen.
Sorry? That s it, is it? Just sorry.
What about me being made to wait for you? You mean, you've been up there for a year? Dear, God! Look, something cropped up.
It was important, very important.
You II think I m exaggerating but it was a matter of life and death.
- Why, what happened? - I can't remember now.
It was a year ago.
But it was important.
- Didn't you get my letter? - Yes, but it arrived three days - I suppose it doesn't matter now.
- No, of course not.
So, how are you? Fine.
- You re looking lovely.
- Ssh, stop it.
- You II embarrass me.
- Oh, sorry.
Notre Dame.
Oh, that s beautiful, isn't it? - No Quasimodo jokes.
- Sorry? The moment you mention Notre Dame, everyone tells a Quasimodo joke.
I know what you mean, Pen.
Enough to give anyone the hump.
How s your mother these days? - Oh, she s fine.
Thank you.
- Oh, good.
- Well, that s not quite true.
- Why, what s wrong? Oh, no, she s not ill.
- Oh.
- No.
You remember the firm Daddy worked for? - The wine importers.
- Right.
Well, some time back he applied for promotion.
It was doubtful he d get the job.
His lack of experience in new technology was against him.
Anyway, in an effort to impress, Mummy dragged him along to a computer exhibition at Earls Court.
They discovered a machine that could save his company thousands of man hours a year.
So he persuaded the chairman to buy this computer and the first one it sacked was Daddy.
- He got the sack? - Well, he was made redundant.
Oh, well, that s not so bad, is it? I don't believe it.
Good old Norm out on his ear.
Oh, well, something will turn up.
He keeps looking.
Of course, it upset Mummy very badly.
- She s under the doctor again.
- Really? Amazing what you can get on the NHS these days.
Go on, Norman.
Get in there.
- Sorry, dear? - In there.
Well, hurry up, before somebody sees you.
Look, Daphne, we've discussed all this before.
I am redundant.
Now, that doesn't make me a criminal or diseased in some way.
- It s nothing to be ashamed of.
- Well, of course not, darling.
We are, if nothing else, a proud family.
Just don't shove it down people s throats.
Look, Daphne, like millions of others, I m simply a member of the unemployed.
You re a member of the golf club but you don't take your trolley everywhere.
Now, away you go, Norman.
I'll see to the meter.
Where should I meet you? Wait in the car, Norman.
I've just got a few things to get.
Penny will be back on Monday and I d like to offer her more than bread and cheese.
Yes, dear.
You won't be long, will you? Not long, Norman.
Now, away you go.
And remember, darling, when you come out, collar up and head down.
See you later, dear.
Norman! Oh, my God, that s all I need! Oh, great.
You lay one finger on my Jaguar and I'll have your knackers for earrings.
What have we done? I know what you lot are like.
Bleedin' troublemakers.
Daphne! Oh, Daphne! Keep your thieving mitts off.
Well, this is it.
Be it ever so humble, it s still home to me.
No, no, it s It s very nice, Pen.
I like it.
- Is it a company flat? - No, no, no.
I just rent it.
I just bought myself a new flat out near Chigwell.
After three weeks I m still not on the phone.
And I've got shares in British Telecom.
Where does this door lead to? Oh, er, that s That s the kitchen.
It s a lovely kitchen as well, Pen.
Thank you.
And this door? That s a broom cupboard.
Ah, but what a broom cupboard, Pen.
It s It s very French.
Oddly enough, it is in fact a French broom cupboard.
I thought as much.
And what s behind that door? That s a hallway.
That s French as well.
- Really? Do you mind? - Oh, please.
- Oh, it s an impressive hallway, Pen.
- Well, I m pleased with it.
And what are these two doors? Ah, well, that one leads to the bathroom and that one to the bedroom.
Oh, I see.
- I was wondering - I'll go and make some coffee.
I d prefer a beer, Pen.
Oh, I m not sure if I've got any beer.
Oh, I think Alain might have left a couple of cans.
Who s Alan? No, it s pronounced Alain.
All right, who s Alain, then? - He s a friend of mine.
- Oh.
So, you re not working at the betting shop any more? - How do you know? - Well, I phoned there, to find out if in fact you d be arriving this year.
Yeah, well, I resigned.
- They caught you! - Nobody caught you.
It was all a misunderstanding.
With all the evidence and the auditor s statements stacked up against me, I felt it best to leave.
I run the family business now.
You work in a scrap-metal yard? I am the managing director.
Of a scrap-metal yard? I've made a lot of changes.
It s a nice scrap-metal yard now.
I got rid or that old shed my father called an office It s been replaced by an executive Portakabin.
It s got carpets, rosewood filing cabinets, pictures The lot.
Here s my Here s my card.
That is my personal, personal office number.
Only the nearest and dearest get one of those.
- Ooh, thank you, Vince.
- Call me anytime.
If I m not there, leave a message on my personal answering machine.
I don't know what to say.
I didn't expect anything like this.
Oh, I'll treasure it.
So how s life treating my little euro bird? - I m not a euro bird.
- But you re still in the advertising game? Yes, I am now the directeur adjoint de la planification conceptuelle.
Do they supply the bike or not? The title "directeur de la planification conceptuelle" means the director of concept and planing.
Oh.
What does that other word mean.
- What word? - What was it now? Adjoint.
That means assistant.
Oh, you re an assistant now? You've risen all the way from a secretary to an assistant.
I bet you have to pinch yourself sometimes, don't you? I might not have achieved your quantum leap from betting shop to junk yard but at least I m moving in the right direction.
When the present head of my department leaves, I'll take over.
- How old is he? - What does it matter? OK, he's 29.
Oh, so you re just waiting for him to die, then bingo.
I reckon by the time you re 63, you II get a well earned promotion.
Just drink your beer and I'll take you out and show you Paris.
Do you mind if I shower and change first? - Oh, I insist.
- Thank you.
Pen Never shower after an argument.
Sorry.
OK.
Pen? Don't be silly.
Oh, Daph.
Oh! Oh, hello, darling.
How are you? I'm very well, thank you.
And you? Can t complain.
Been getting a touch of the Still, I don't have to tell you nothing about that, do I? I saw you earlier.
I called out.
Really? Yeah, I seen you a lot round here.
- Always give you a shout or a bip.
- I wasn't aware.
It s your ears, darling.
Still, at our age, you got to expect something to start going, eh? Oh, presh, coffee for two and a couple of sticky cakes.
Not for me, Rita, I really have to be going.
Oh, come on.
You got five minutes for a chat.
We ain't seen each other for ages.
Did you get our Christmas card? Oh, yes, thank you.
It was very amusing.
Yeah, I like them saucy ones.
I know you do.
We didn't get yours.
Still, we re always on the move.
Could have got lost anywhere.
What a shame.
You see, my Les has taken a sort of early semi-retirement.
We spend half the year in our villa in Portugal and the other half in England.
My Vince is running the business now.
- Doing all right as well.
- Good.
My Cliffy's just come out of hospital.
Got his ankle trapped in our automatic garage doors.
Teach him to mess around with Les remote control box.
- Eh? - Yes.
And how are all yours? Oh, they re very well, thank you.
And Penny? She still over in what s-its-name? Paris.
Yes, she has a very important position in the company now.
Oh, love her.
I often think of her, you know, and what might have been.
Oh, well, that s all in the past, eh, Daph? Way, way in the past.
I must tell you what happened to my Vincent.
Yes, well, I'd love to stay but I'm afraid I have a rather pressing engagement.
Oh, it'll only take a couple of minutes.
We ain't even had our cakes yet.
- Ain't that your Norm? - Where? Over there, coming out the old Father Feed Em All.
- No, that s not Norman.
- Isn't it? No, it looks nothing like Norman.
No, I suppose you re right.
I don't know, what with my eyes and your ears, we make a right pair, eh? No, it s nothing like Norm.
He s a funny-looking sod, ain't he? Yes Well, whoever he is, he s got a parking ticket.
Where was I? - I bet the kitchen staff were in fits.
- Yeah, I bet they were.
I mean, snails legs! 'You'll never believe this, but the stupid English man has ordered snails legs.
' Frogs and snails.
What s the world coming to? I just got confused.
Ooh, they re coming back on me already.
It was a smashing evening.
I really enjoyed myself.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I'll, um I'll just - Would you excuse me? - Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Magic, Pinner.
You re just magic.
Two bottles of bubbly.
A few well chosen phrases from your vast repertoire and she is slipping into something less comfortable.
Just think, you could have been born someone else.
What s this? - Your suitcase.
Don't you recognise it? - Yeah It's getting late and I've got to be up for work in the morning.
- I assumed you'd be going.
- Going? Where? Well, your hotel.
Hotel? Oh, my God, I knew there was something I had to do, Pen.
You didn't book a hotel? I meant to but with all the excitement of meeting you, it slipped my mind.
Oh, what a shame.
Still, never mind.
There s a hotel on that corner and there are two just up the road there.
It s not high season so you should have no trouble finding a room in one of them.
Oh, what a bit of luck that is.
I don't know what I would have done without you, Pen.
Lucky I brought my raincoat.
Oh, it s just two tiny drops on the window.
- There s one up there as well.
- OK, so there's three drops.
Nobody s building an ark.
Listen, give me a ring at the office and we'll make some arrangements.
Fine.
Just a little something to fight the cold air.
It was a lovely evening.
Yeah, it was.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
God bless.
He must think I just fell off a Christmas tree.
Oh, God.
Just look at those clouds.
Vince.
Vince! Yeah? Oh, you re still here.
Yeah.
Er, this is a lift, isn't it? Yes.
Somebody most probably has left the doors open at the bottom.
Yeah, that's about it.
Did you want me? No, no, not particularly.
It's just when you came out and screamed my name I got to thinking that maybe you were trying to attract my attention.
Yes, well, um Actually, you were right.
It is raining.
And, well, the hotels might have locked up for the night.
So, if you like, you could stay here.
Have I ever told you you re a very kind person.
- Yes, you have.
- Are you sure I won't be putting you out? Oh, no, really, I can make up a bed on the sofa.
Are you sure you'll be comfy? Don't push your luck, zonko.
Wish I still smoked.
It's me.
Yes.
- I was a bit cold.
- Oh.
You know, I still love you.
Put it down there, driver.
- Hello, darling.
- Hello, Mummy.
- Good flight? - Yes, very good.
We took off on time.
No problems.
'We' took off on time? You were with someone? Yes, we.
Me and the other passengers.
I assumed when I bought the ticket I'd have the plane to myself.
But they put other people on board.
Most annoying.
There's no need to be flippant.
I am your mother.
Sorry.
I bought Daddy a bottle of whisky.
Oh, good.
He will be pleased.
And I've got you some perfume.
Thank you, darling.
I can put it with all the others bottles you've bought me.
Mummy, I am not buying you duty-free cigarettes and that s final.
I'll take your case upstairs in a few minutes, darling.
Penny s bought you a bottle of whisky.
Oh, how very sweet of you.
Thank you.
Let's put it away, Norman.
You never know.
The time may come when we have something to celebrate.
- No, let's celebrate now.
- Celebrate what? Well, we'll think of something, won't we, darling? - Yes, it must be somebody s birthday.
- Must be.
- Did you pay the taxi? - Yes, I paid him.
- How much do I owe you? - Oh, that's all right.
No, how much do I owe you? I said, that's all right, darling.
Thank you.
Now, pour me a drink and I'll take your case upstairs.
He is a changed man since the redundancy.
I can't say I've noticed any change in him.
I can't say I've noticed any change in you, either.
You're still throwing out hurtful little remarks.
I say those things to encourage him.
But it doesn't work.
I doubt if anything would.
If you lived here, you'd understand how much he's changed.
He's edgy and snappy.
Well, perhaps he's worried.
Maybe you should try and understand how he feels.
Maybe you re right.
Anyway, I don't want to burden you with our problems.
I'll see to the dinner.
Norman? Can you bring me a clean tea towel? They're in the airing cupboard.
I'm a bit busy at the moment, darling.
Would you mind getting it yourself? Do you see what I mean? He's unbearable.
My own personal office number.
Moron.
Hi, this is Vince Pinner and you've just been connected to my personal answering machine.
As you've probably gathered, I'm not here at the moment, but if you 'd like to leave your name, number and inside leg measurement, I'll get back to you as soon as possible and that's a promise.
Eurgh! Um, hi, Vince.
It's me.
I, um T-That's Penny.
Um, I just thought I'd phone to say that I enjoyed our weekend.
It was lovely.
It was Well, it was really nice to see you again after all this time.
I, um I feel that I said lots of things that I didn't mean and didn't say lots of things that I did mean.
Well, you know what I mean.
Like, I didn't say that you re a big, fat rat and I didn't say that I love you, and I should have.
Anyway, I've said it now.
I'll be in the London office for a few days, so come up and see me sometime.
Bye.
Not those glasses, darling.
They were a present from the Pinners.
- Remember? - Oh, yes.
Sorry.
Did Mummy tell you she bumped into Rita, Vince s mother? Don't bring Thing s name up now.
We re just about to eat.
Don't be silly, Daphne.
That s all in the past, isn't it? Yes.
So, she caught you, did she? Yes.
Bloody woman.
I'm sure that voice could grate cheese.
She kept going on and on about him.
What about him? Apparently, it all took place over a year ago.
- What took place? - Vince got married.
They couldn't build a nice little tower.
They had to build a bloody great big one.
Why couldn't that Warrender girl have met me somewhere on the ground? It s because I've got a fear of heights and she s got a cruel streak.
Oh.
Excuse me.
After all this time, she s still punishing me.
What s wrong with you, Pinner? You re going halfway to the moon for a divorced vegetarian who bears a grudge.
What a pathetic little person you re making yourself look.
On the one hand, here you are working for one of Europe s largest advertising agencies, in a position of well, yes considerable responsibility, and power.
Well, maybe not power.
But here you are, waiting for a man you know won't arrive.
He was supposed to meet you here a year ago but he didn't turn up then.
You are waiting for a man who is a year late.
I'll give him another five minutes and that s all.
Oh.
Cor, that was silly.
Still, at least the garlic s fresher up here.
He didn't even have the decency to phone me personally to ask whether it was convenient to visit me.
No, he just left a message with my secretary.
'Monsieur Pinner will meet you on Thursday at 12 o clock.
' Not a hint of an apology for not turning up last year.
I wonder if he s changed.
I mean, it s been two years.
Two years! He may have altered out of all recognition.
He might be bald.
And fat.
He might be a big, fat bald guy with dentures.
Oh, God! Silly! Why don't you just leave the past where it is? Go now.
Otherwise you may end up feeling the way you used to feel.
The way he used to make you feel.
I'll give him another ten minutes.
Hello.
Hi.
How are you doing? Vernon Caudhill.
Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Oh, how do you do? Is this your first trip to gay Paree, too? Oh, no, no, I live here.
Oh, well, maybe you can show me some of the sights, huh? Er, yes.
Er, no.
No, no.
I m extremely busy.
Oh, good Lord.
Is that the time? - I must fly.
- Well, how about dinner? I have appointments, lots and lots of appointments.
Some other time, then.
Mm, yes.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, honey.
Oh, yeah.
Hello, Paris.
- Hey, man, this place is something else.
- Absolutely.
You know, I've been in Paris exactly two hours and already a cute chick has tried to pick me up.
- Can you believe that? - No.
I can't wait to tell the boys back home.
It s never happened to me before.
I can believe that.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, fella! I almost missed you.
Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the lift.
- Well? - Yeah.
You? No, Vince.
Don't you think I deserve some sort of explanation? You were supposed to meet me here last year.
- You are exactly 12 months late.
- Yeah, well, I m sorry about that, Pen.
Sorry? That s it, is it? Just sorry.
What about me being made to wait for you? You mean, you've been up there for a year? Dear, God! Look, something cropped up.
It was important, very important.
You II think I m exaggerating but it was a matter of life and death.
- Why, what happened? - I can't remember now.
It was a year ago.
But it was important.
- Didn't you get my letter? - Yes, but it arrived three days - I suppose it doesn't matter now.
- No, of course not.
So, how are you? Fine.
- You re looking lovely.
- Ssh, stop it.
- You II embarrass me.
- Oh, sorry.
Notre Dame.
Oh, that s beautiful, isn't it? - No Quasimodo jokes.
- Sorry? The moment you mention Notre Dame, everyone tells a Quasimodo joke.
I know what you mean, Pen.
Enough to give anyone the hump.
How s your mother these days? - Oh, she s fine.
Thank you.
- Oh, good.
- Well, that s not quite true.
- Why, what s wrong? Oh, no, she s not ill.
- Oh.
- No.
You remember the firm Daddy worked for? - The wine importers.
- Right.
Well, some time back he applied for promotion.
It was doubtful he d get the job.
His lack of experience in new technology was against him.
Anyway, in an effort to impress, Mummy dragged him along to a computer exhibition at Earls Court.
They discovered a machine that could save his company thousands of man hours a year.
So he persuaded the chairman to buy this computer and the first one it sacked was Daddy.
- He got the sack? - Well, he was made redundant.
Oh, well, that s not so bad, is it? I don't believe it.
Good old Norm out on his ear.
Oh, well, something will turn up.
He keeps looking.
Of course, it upset Mummy very badly.
- She s under the doctor again.
- Really? Amazing what you can get on the NHS these days.
Go on, Norman.
Get in there.
- Sorry, dear? - In there.
Well, hurry up, before somebody sees you.
Look, Daphne, we've discussed all this before.
I am redundant.
Now, that doesn't make me a criminal or diseased in some way.
- It s nothing to be ashamed of.
- Well, of course not, darling.
We are, if nothing else, a proud family.
Just don't shove it down people s throats.
Look, Daphne, like millions of others, I m simply a member of the unemployed.
You re a member of the golf club but you don't take your trolley everywhere.
Now, away you go, Norman.
I'll see to the meter.
Where should I meet you? Wait in the car, Norman.
I've just got a few things to get.
Penny will be back on Monday and I d like to offer her more than bread and cheese.
Yes, dear.
You won't be long, will you? Not long, Norman.
Now, away you go.
And remember, darling, when you come out, collar up and head down.
See you later, dear.
Norman! Oh, my God, that s all I need! Oh, great.
You lay one finger on my Jaguar and I'll have your knackers for earrings.
What have we done? I know what you lot are like.
Bleedin' troublemakers.
Daphne! Oh, Daphne! Keep your thieving mitts off.
Well, this is it.
Be it ever so humble, it s still home to me.
No, no, it s It s very nice, Pen.
I like it.
- Is it a company flat? - No, no, no.
I just rent it.
I just bought myself a new flat out near Chigwell.
After three weeks I m still not on the phone.
And I've got shares in British Telecom.
Where does this door lead to? Oh, er, that s That s the kitchen.
It s a lovely kitchen as well, Pen.
Thank you.
And this door? That s a broom cupboard.
Ah, but what a broom cupboard, Pen.
It s It s very French.
Oddly enough, it is in fact a French broom cupboard.
I thought as much.
And what s behind that door? That s a hallway.
That s French as well.
- Really? Do you mind? - Oh, please.
- Oh, it s an impressive hallway, Pen.
- Well, I m pleased with it.
And what are these two doors? Ah, well, that one leads to the bathroom and that one to the bedroom.
Oh, I see.
- I was wondering - I'll go and make some coffee.
I d prefer a beer, Pen.
Oh, I m not sure if I've got any beer.
Oh, I think Alain might have left a couple of cans.
Who s Alan? No, it s pronounced Alain.
All right, who s Alain, then? - He s a friend of mine.
- Oh.
So, you re not working at the betting shop any more? - How do you know? - Well, I phoned there, to find out if in fact you d be arriving this year.
Yeah, well, I resigned.
- They caught you! - Nobody caught you.
It was all a misunderstanding.
With all the evidence and the auditor s statements stacked up against me, I felt it best to leave.
I run the family business now.
You work in a scrap-metal yard? I am the managing director.
Of a scrap-metal yard? I've made a lot of changes.
It s a nice scrap-metal yard now.
I got rid or that old shed my father called an office It s been replaced by an executive Portakabin.
It s got carpets, rosewood filing cabinets, pictures The lot.
Here s my Here s my card.
That is my personal, personal office number.
Only the nearest and dearest get one of those.
- Ooh, thank you, Vince.
- Call me anytime.
If I m not there, leave a message on my personal answering machine.
I don't know what to say.
I didn't expect anything like this.
Oh, I'll treasure it.
So how s life treating my little euro bird? - I m not a euro bird.
- But you re still in the advertising game? Yes, I am now the directeur adjoint de la planification conceptuelle.
Do they supply the bike or not? The title "directeur de la planification conceptuelle" means the director of concept and planing.
Oh.
What does that other word mean.
- What word? - What was it now? Adjoint.
That means assistant.
Oh, you re an assistant now? You've risen all the way from a secretary to an assistant.
I bet you have to pinch yourself sometimes, don't you? I might not have achieved your quantum leap from betting shop to junk yard but at least I m moving in the right direction.
When the present head of my department leaves, I'll take over.
- How old is he? - What does it matter? OK, he's 29.
Oh, so you re just waiting for him to die, then bingo.
I reckon by the time you re 63, you II get a well earned promotion.
Just drink your beer and I'll take you out and show you Paris.
Do you mind if I shower and change first? - Oh, I insist.
- Thank you.
Pen Never shower after an argument.
Sorry.
OK.
Pen? Don't be silly.
Oh, Daph.
Oh! Oh, hello, darling.
How are you? I'm very well, thank you.
And you? Can t complain.
Been getting a touch of the Still, I don't have to tell you nothing about that, do I? I saw you earlier.
I called out.
Really? Yeah, I seen you a lot round here.
- Always give you a shout or a bip.
- I wasn't aware.
It s your ears, darling.
Still, at our age, you got to expect something to start going, eh? Oh, presh, coffee for two and a couple of sticky cakes.
Not for me, Rita, I really have to be going.
Oh, come on.
You got five minutes for a chat.
We ain't seen each other for ages.
Did you get our Christmas card? Oh, yes, thank you.
It was very amusing.
Yeah, I like them saucy ones.
I know you do.
We didn't get yours.
Still, we re always on the move.
Could have got lost anywhere.
What a shame.
You see, my Les has taken a sort of early semi-retirement.
We spend half the year in our villa in Portugal and the other half in England.
My Vince is running the business now.
- Doing all right as well.
- Good.
My Cliffy's just come out of hospital.
Got his ankle trapped in our automatic garage doors.
Teach him to mess around with Les remote control box.
- Eh? - Yes.
And how are all yours? Oh, they re very well, thank you.
And Penny? She still over in what s-its-name? Paris.
Yes, she has a very important position in the company now.
Oh, love her.
I often think of her, you know, and what might have been.
Oh, well, that s all in the past, eh, Daph? Way, way in the past.
I must tell you what happened to my Vincent.
Yes, well, I'd love to stay but I'm afraid I have a rather pressing engagement.
Oh, it'll only take a couple of minutes.
We ain't even had our cakes yet.
- Ain't that your Norm? - Where? Over there, coming out the old Father Feed Em All.
- No, that s not Norman.
- Isn't it? No, it looks nothing like Norman.
No, I suppose you re right.
I don't know, what with my eyes and your ears, we make a right pair, eh? No, it s nothing like Norm.
He s a funny-looking sod, ain't he? Yes Well, whoever he is, he s got a parking ticket.
Where was I? - I bet the kitchen staff were in fits.
- Yeah, I bet they were.
I mean, snails legs! 'You'll never believe this, but the stupid English man has ordered snails legs.
' Frogs and snails.
What s the world coming to? I just got confused.
Ooh, they re coming back on me already.
It was a smashing evening.
I really enjoyed myself.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I'll, um I'll just - Would you excuse me? - Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Magic, Pinner.
You re just magic.
Two bottles of bubbly.
A few well chosen phrases from your vast repertoire and she is slipping into something less comfortable.
Just think, you could have been born someone else.
What s this? - Your suitcase.
Don't you recognise it? - Yeah It's getting late and I've got to be up for work in the morning.
- I assumed you'd be going.
- Going? Where? Well, your hotel.
Hotel? Oh, my God, I knew there was something I had to do, Pen.
You didn't book a hotel? I meant to but with all the excitement of meeting you, it slipped my mind.
Oh, what a shame.
Still, never mind.
There s a hotel on that corner and there are two just up the road there.
It s not high season so you should have no trouble finding a room in one of them.
Oh, what a bit of luck that is.
I don't know what I would have done without you, Pen.
Lucky I brought my raincoat.
Oh, it s just two tiny drops on the window.
- There s one up there as well.
- OK, so there's three drops.
Nobody s building an ark.
Listen, give me a ring at the office and we'll make some arrangements.
Fine.
Just a little something to fight the cold air.
It was a lovely evening.
Yeah, it was.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
God bless.
He must think I just fell off a Christmas tree.
Oh, God.
Just look at those clouds.
Vince.
Vince! Yeah? Oh, you re still here.
Yeah.
Er, this is a lift, isn't it? Yes.
Somebody most probably has left the doors open at the bottom.
Yeah, that's about it.
Did you want me? No, no, not particularly.
It's just when you came out and screamed my name I got to thinking that maybe you were trying to attract my attention.
Yes, well, um Actually, you were right.
It is raining.
And, well, the hotels might have locked up for the night.
So, if you like, you could stay here.
Have I ever told you you re a very kind person.
- Yes, you have.
- Are you sure I won't be putting you out? Oh, no, really, I can make up a bed on the sofa.
Are you sure you'll be comfy? Don't push your luck, zonko.
Wish I still smoked.
It's me.
Yes.
- I was a bit cold.
- Oh.
You know, I still love you.
Put it down there, driver.
- Hello, darling.
- Hello, Mummy.
- Good flight? - Yes, very good.
We took off on time.
No problems.
'We' took off on time? You were with someone? Yes, we.
Me and the other passengers.
I assumed when I bought the ticket I'd have the plane to myself.
But they put other people on board.
Most annoying.
There's no need to be flippant.
I am your mother.
Sorry.
I bought Daddy a bottle of whisky.
Oh, good.
He will be pleased.
And I've got you some perfume.
Thank you, darling.
I can put it with all the others bottles you've bought me.
Mummy, I am not buying you duty-free cigarettes and that s final.
I'll take your case upstairs in a few minutes, darling.
Penny s bought you a bottle of whisky.
Oh, how very sweet of you.
Thank you.
Let's put it away, Norman.
You never know.
The time may come when we have something to celebrate.
- No, let's celebrate now.
- Celebrate what? Well, we'll think of something, won't we, darling? - Yes, it must be somebody s birthday.
- Must be.
- Did you pay the taxi? - Yes, I paid him.
- How much do I owe you? - Oh, that's all right.
No, how much do I owe you? I said, that's all right, darling.
Thank you.
Now, pour me a drink and I'll take your case upstairs.
He is a changed man since the redundancy.
I can't say I've noticed any change in him.
I can't say I've noticed any change in you, either.
You're still throwing out hurtful little remarks.
I say those things to encourage him.
But it doesn't work.
I doubt if anything would.
If you lived here, you'd understand how much he's changed.
He's edgy and snappy.
Well, perhaps he's worried.
Maybe you should try and understand how he feels.
Maybe you re right.
Anyway, I don't want to burden you with our problems.
I'll see to the dinner.
Norman? Can you bring me a clean tea towel? They're in the airing cupboard.
I'm a bit busy at the moment, darling.
Would you mind getting it yourself? Do you see what I mean? He's unbearable.
My own personal office number.
Moron.
Hi, this is Vince Pinner and you've just been connected to my personal answering machine.
As you've probably gathered, I'm not here at the moment, but if you 'd like to leave your name, number and inside leg measurement, I'll get back to you as soon as possible and that's a promise.
Eurgh! Um, hi, Vince.
It's me.
I, um T-That's Penny.
Um, I just thought I'd phone to say that I enjoyed our weekend.
It was lovely.
It was Well, it was really nice to see you again after all this time.
I, um I feel that I said lots of things that I didn't mean and didn't say lots of things that I did mean.
Well, you know what I mean.
Like, I didn't say that you re a big, fat rat and I didn't say that I love you, and I should have.
Anyway, I've said it now.
I'll be in the London office for a few days, so come up and see me sometime.
Bye.
Not those glasses, darling.
They were a present from the Pinners.
- Remember? - Oh, yes.
Sorry.
Did Mummy tell you she bumped into Rita, Vince s mother? Don't bring Thing s name up now.
We re just about to eat.
Don't be silly, Daphne.
That s all in the past, isn't it? Yes.
So, she caught you, did she? Yes.
Bloody woman.
I'm sure that voice could grate cheese.
She kept going on and on about him.
What about him? Apparently, it all took place over a year ago.
- What took place? - Vince got married.